Books on not caring what others think
Top 5 Books About Not Caring What Others Think
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If you are looking for the best and most inspiring books to help you stop caring about what others think, then you’ve come to the right place.
I am going to share with you a number of authors that have helped me shift my mindset from “the opinions of others” to focusing on transforming “the opinions I have of myself.”
But why do we start caring about what others think of us in the first place?
After struggling with chronic anxiety, chronic depression, self-hate, and overthinking for many years, as well as compassionately listening to others struggle with the same problems, I believe that the core reason behind this kind of mindset is
- lack of self-love, or
- excessive worry and fear, or
- both.
When we lack self-love, we are also likely to experience self-doubt, lack of confidence, and low self-esteem, all of which can easily cause us to place more value on what others think is best for us, rather than what we think is right.
Excessive worry and fear is a common symptom of anxiety disorders, and if you are struggling with this, then it’s pretty easy to get into the habit of overthinking and over-analyzing everything that happens in your life, including what others say, think, believe, and do.
But whatever has caused you to value the opinions of others more than your own, the most important thing is how we are going to fix it.
I have found that reading inspiring books that focus on changing our mindset – and specifically, those that teach us how to let go of what the world wants us to do – can do wonders to shift this problem.
Furthermore, I’ve learned that listening to audio versions of empowering books on platforms such as Audible, can have an even bigger impact on inspiring you to change your life.
There is something truly special about hearing the words of the author out loud.
Why?
Well, for me,
- The most important points seem to stick better in my mind.
- I am more present when listening than when reading.
- I can do other jobs while listening like go for a walk!
Audible is a paid subscription but in my opinion, totally worth the money. I have been an Audible loyal customer since 2012 and in that time, I have listened to countless self-help books which I could have not afforded if I was buying each one. Thanks to this subscription I have packed in lots of books over the years and I can’t recommend it enough.
You can find all of the books below on Audible.
But if you’d prefer to stick to the paper copy, that’s still perfect! All that matters is that you start absorbing the content and taking action. You will find links to Amazon.com under each book.
So, let’s get started!
1.
Not Nice by Dr. Aziz GazipuraNot Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty … And Start Speaking up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, and Unapologetically Being Yourself
This is a life-changing book and I believe it’s a must-read for anyone struggling with self-confidence and failing to be who they are.
Dr. Azid Gazipura is a brilliant clinical psychologist with many years of experience helping clients change their mindset but has also worked hard to transform his own mindset which makes him even more special.
In this book he explains how “not to be nice” in a simple, calm and effective way.
If you are someone who apologizes too much, often feels obliged to do things so as not to upset others, or just doesn’t feel that you are the authority in your own life then this book is for you.
Dr. Aziz can show you how to switch your mindset from being a “people’s pleaser” to becoming “yourself pleaser”, which is not only going to benefit you but also the people around you.
He also provides some great exercises at the end, and if you throw yourself into them, you will be surprised on how far you have come.
I found this book extremely relatable because throughout I kept thinking “that’s me” or “I do that” which was also comforting to know that I wasn’t the only one.
Dr Aziz has helped me to understand,
- how to speak up,
- how to ask for what I need and want,
- how to stand up for what is fair and right,
- how to set boundaries, and
- how to tell people no.
You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life
I absolutely love You Are a Badass by Jen Sincerio because it is packed with lots of great and relatable advice on how to get rid of self-doubt and start living the life you truly desire.
Jen is a New York Times bestselling author, success coach and motivational speaker who has helped countless people transform their personal and professional lives.
In this book she teaches us how to
- change our mindset
- align with source energy
- achieve business success
- attract abundance
- plus, lots more.
She does this by combining her extensive life experience with everything she has learned from countless self-help books and seminars over the years.
Jen cleverly applies her deep understanding of the universe/source energy to modern life using lots of practical and relatable examples.
She writes using relaxed and everyday English including profanity, which for me was highly effective.
When I read or listen to this book – and I have listened to it over and over again – I feel as though she is my friend who truly wants me to take action to follow my dreams.
If you want to stop caring what others think, get rid of self-doubt, attract the life that you really want, and don’t mind that Jen’s tone is not “prim and proper” then this book is for you.
I can’t recommend it enough!
3.
The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck by Sarah KnightThe Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck: How to Stop Spending Time You Don’t Have with People You Don’t Like Doing Things You Don’t Want to Do (A No F*cks Given Guide)
Sara Knight is a woman after my own heart. She describes herself as a writer, editor, and recovering perfectionist, and I love her style and manner.
If you want someone to teach you in a modern, cool, and in NYC style – with quite a bit of profanity : ) how not give a “F*ck” then this book is for you.
Sara spent 15 years working in the New York publishing industry after which she walked out and transformed her life.
She can teach you things like how to
- free yourself from your own ‘slavery’,
- change the opinion you have of yourself,
- stop procrastinating
- say no when you need to, and
- do the things that you want to do.
The Four Agreements: Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (Toltec Wisdom Book)
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is a wonderful book to help you change your mindset and let go of what others think.
If you are interested in indigenous cultures from long ago and learning their wisdom for an application today then this book is for you.
Don Miguel Ruiz writes gently and lovingly and can help you to find your own beauty within.
Using the four agreements he teaches us how to start appreciating oneself and others, while still being authentic.
He gives you the feeling that an elder is looking deeply in your eyes and telling you the truths of the world that come from years of experience and wisdom.
This is a truly inspirational author that many psychologists recommend to their clients, and if you are looking for words of wisdom this book is perfect for you.
F**k It Therapy: The Profane Way to Profound Happiness
John Parkin is a son of an Anglican preacher who realized after many years of studying eastern spiritual practices that saying “F**k It” can be just as effective as any ancient technique.
He transformed his life by saying “F**k It” to a top job in London and escaped to Italy to set up a retreat center with his wife where he now resides and helps people transform their lives from all over the world.
A friend of mine bought this book when it was translated into Croatian and when she recommended it to me, I read it in two days.
In this book John,
- helps us understand how we complicate our own lives, and
- shows us how we can change our lives and pursue what we love without feeling stuck.
This book has helped me to let go of so much unnecessary baggage in my life, which has also meant relieving lots of unnecessary stress and anxiety.
And if you like this book, you may even end up going to the retreat center in Italy one day!
Buy on AmazonRelated ArticlesSelf-help books for anyone who wants to give less of a f**k in 2016
New Year’s resolutions tend to be themed around caring more. Caring about your diet. Caring about going to the gym. Caring about being a better person.
But you know what could actually do you a whole lot more good? Caring less. Waaaay less.
Not about the important stuff: the things that bring you genuine happiness or take you closer to achieving your goals.
But all the stuff that – when you think about it – doesn’t really matter. You could do with caring a lot less about that. People’s opinions of you, for example.
Having a ‘bikini body’. Keeping up with the Kardashians.
Make it your New Year’s resolutions to give fewer f***s. Here are some books that’ll help you along the way.
1. F*** It by John C. Parkin
The OG of giving zero f***s. This book is strangely spiritual, advising you to let go of the things that just aren’t worth it. You say f*** it, and release yourself from the responsibility of having to give a f***.
It’s magnificent.
The book was released back in 2008, and has genuinely been changing lives ever since then. It’s got a chapter for pretty much everything: food, money, fear. All sorts.
It’s all about doing what you really want, relieving yourself of the tension caused by doing and caring about things you hate, and generally living a life that actually makes you happy. Hooray.
It’ll inspire you to go after the things you want, and not give a crap about what other people think.
One of our favourite quotes, ever: ‘Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.
’
Write that out and stick it on your fridge.
Revolutionary because it introduces the concept of a f*** budget – the idea that you really do have a limit on how many f***s you can give.
Suddenly, you’ll understand that you’d much rather save any f***s to give for stuff that brings you joy: a fulfilling career, spending time with someone you love, caring for a cat.
And to save those f***s, you don’t mind giving up caring about your friend’s lame baby shower or your office’s ridiculous dress code. You could give a f***, but you’ve chosen not to.
Because you know what the biggest waste of f***s is? Worrying that you’re not good enough, or that you don’t deserve the things you want.
You’ve worked hard. You are brilliant. Stop stressing about the silly things, work on feeling less anxious about your abilities and whether or not you’re ‘good enough’. You are.
The cover looks a bit like a classic self-help book, with a fancy lady on the front swaying some fabric in the breeze.
But honestly, this one’s a bit life-changing.
We spend so much time concerning ourselves with how people view us. What if we stopped, and the only opinion that mattered was our own?
This book questions why you care about certain things, makes you consider if you actually want to care about these things, and then explains how no longer caring about things you can’t control or shouldn’t worry about can be truly magical.
Dr. Chun seems like some kind of lovely genius, who opens the book by noting that a lot of times, the times things have gone really well in his life are the times when he just hasn’t given a damn.
Which is strange, because it seems to be true for a LOT of people – flying in the face of all the stuff we’d been taught about doing everything perfectly and working so hard we almost cry.
The theory of not giving a damn comes down to prioritising. You pick the things that actually matter, then you don’t give a damn about the rest.
It works for a high-powered doctor, it’ll work for everyone else. Stop giving a damn.
MORE : 20 New Year’s resolutions for better mental health in 2016
MORE : 19 ways to read more books in 2016
MORE : Cat travels the world, inspires us all
| Patrick King Stop pleasing people. Be assertive, stop caring what others think of you, and let go of guilt All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet and in corporate networks, as well as recording in computer memory for private or public use, without the written permission of the copyright owner. rights. nine0006 © 2018 by Patrick King © Art. Lebedev Studio, cover illustration and layout, 2022. © Olga Pobortseva, translation. © Byblos LLC, 2023. * * * Chapter 1 The Fatal Need to Please I had a friend named Muriel. She worked at a large technology company in a middle management position (you know, sometimes it seems that in such companies there is an eternal shortage of managers!). Muriel enjoyed a good reputation because she was completely devoid of selfishness and often took on the responsibilities of the entire department. She happily did any job assigned by her superiors, even if other employees could easily do it. And sometimes Muriel accepted tasks not only from her boss, but also from others. "I'm just trying to help because I can," Muriel used to say. nine0006 She had a habit of constantly responding to any request, saying that duty was calling. She spared no effort to please everyone and everyone. She prepared as many presentations as fit a whole detachment of managers. She stayed late at work at least twice a week. And twice a month, when she went out for lunch, she came back with sandwiches for the whole department, and, as a rule, did not ask for a refund. Muriel thought that in this way she became an invaluable asset in the organization. This was very important for her, because she was afraid of being fired like a fire: somehow she had to sit out of work for 22 months, when all efforts to find a new suitable position were unsuccessful. And so Muriel decided that if she worked hard, she would be considered indispensable, and the position would be guaranteed to her forever. nine0006 But at some point this obsessive thought played its negative role, leading to subconscious submission to everyone. Muriel strove not only to make sure that all the people next to her were satisfied and happy, but in general she was afraid to “rock the boat” even in the slightest, so as not to upset anyone. She worked in the marketing department. Her responsibilities included suggesting and developing packaging design elements that would add appeal to the company's products. Muriel studied art and graphic design in college and was a firm believer in Less is More: Don't overload your product package with too much jumbled, redundant information or bad graphics. Unfortunately, Muriel's bosses, on the contrary, adored all this nonsense, believing that customers simply dream of seeing as much of this information on the product packaging as possible - or better, all of it. Muriel knew that this was not true and would have liked to speak out, but she did not. She was afraid to "rock the boat", remember? And she couldn't afford to lose her job. So in design meetings, she nodded in agreement and supported decisions that cluttered new product packages with unattractive graphics, detailed but unreadable information, and a horrible cartoon rabbit that had nothing to do with the company and its product. nine0006 Not only did the product fail because of the packaging design, but it still didn't help Muriel. And she thought she had done it, that she was working hard enough to justify her tenure, because she worked so hard to keep everyone happy! But when layoffs began two months after the sales failure, Muriel was the first to be fired. Muriel panicked. Something happened that completely contradicted her principles: do not stand out, work hard - and you will be rewarded according to your deserts. She so wanted her employees to be happy, to feel her support, but instead of a reward, punishment followed. What was the reason for Muriel's failure? She concentrated entirely on pleasing others, getting their approval, and her real work priorities receded into second place. She didn't do what she was hired to do and only wanted to avoid being rejected by people. In short, Muriel is a classic example of a pleaser who, by currying favor with people, destroys his own life. What it means to please others Generosity and friendliness are wonderful qualities that help to establish cooperation and communication with others. All this is necessary for existence in society. In almost any situation, these qualities are preferable to selfishness and hostility. Thoughts about their importance have been invested in our heads since childhood - and not by chance. nine0006 But do not confuse pleasing with friendliness and generosity. At first it may seem that they are identical, but the difference between a truly generous person and a saint is fundamental. The saint is kind to his own detriment, as we saw with Muriel. The driver of his kindness is not the desire to do the right thing or enrich the lives of others. The fuel of servility is not a sincere desire to make the world a better place, but fear, insecurity, and shame. The saint is afraid of rejection. He, like all of us, has a need to be accepted and appreciated - in general, a need to be loved. But in a saint this need grows to such an extent that he is ready to break himself into a cake, if only not to lose love and recognition. He is driven by the desire to avoid negative consequences, not to create positive opportunities. In addition, he constantly feels that they are ready to push him away, and this generates a painful sense of need now, immediately, to do everything possible to be needed! Pleasing is an act of protection, while true caring and generosity are positive acts. nine0006 At the same time, the saint seeks approval, seeing it as a sign that he is not repulsed. That is why he is ready to literally jump over his head for the sake of a simple smile and the word "thank you". All this together paints before us a portrait of a man who feels that he must constantly serve others in order to be accepted by them. Next, we will look at a few specific motives for pleasing – are they familiar to you? Satisfiers in all situations show cheerfulness - at least outwardly. Satisfiers never say what they think, what they want, what they believe - even if they themselves are unhappy. Everything is at the discretion of other people. If they go somewhere with someone, they will never express their own opinion: where to go, what to do. They will never say that they are bad. The fact is that the pleaser cannot afford to become the cause of someone else's disappointment or displeasure. |
Both market trends and sales figures confirmed the correctness of this principle. nine0006 
She was shocked, because she believed that she was doing everything right, that she had become indispensable to the company. But when she asked why, she was told by Human Resources that she was nothing special, that she had not made any significant contribution to the success of the organization. It seems that she does not have any ideas for the prosperity of the company at all, it is enough for her that things in the department go neither shaky nor rolls. nine0006 
So, in general, it is not surprising that what happened to her happened. nine0006 
nine0066 A pleaser never complains about anything. Does not openly express negative feelings. Waking up, he immediately puts a smile on his face and does not take it off ... if others are watching. And he thinks that he gives pleasure to those around him, although in fact such behavior of the “universal eternal sun” may well cause vague anxiety in people. But the underlying motives for this behavior are more obvious than it might seem. Being with someone who wears a fake smile as a mask is unpleasant and uncomfortable. At best, people see insincerity, at worst, manipulative. nine0006 
It is easier for him to agree with the general opinion, although he does not share it, than to risk being rejected or declared a renegade. The pleaser feels (rightly or not) that he is better off this way, despite the unpleasant aftertaste. But grievances accumulate over time, and a person boils like a volcano, which will explode sooner or later. nine0006 3 books that will teach you to spit on other people's opinions
The time has come for decisive steps. Let cozy conciliation, spiritual harmony and free time lie down until better times. We take out protective armor, firmly glue a combat expression to our face, and ... bend our line, not listening to anyone. And here are 3 books about people who in life wanted to spit on someone else's opinion. And they are wonderful!
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The ReadRate book service has found three books whose main characters will inspire even the most indecisive to exploits and meaningful stubbornness.
There is so much energy in these people that you can safely recharge a small power plant. Read, but remember: in any business it is better without fanaticism. Spit on opinions, but don't spit on people. nine0006
Vivienne Westwood, Vivienne Westwood and Ian Kelly
Oh, that beautiful grandmother of punk and brave trendsetter! If you are already in love with her collections, then you urgently need to fall in love with their creator. She is 74 years old, she rides a bicycle to work, sits in the workshop at night, sits on tea and apples (a good figure is not easy to get!) and does not listen to anyone but herself. The creator of the image of the legendary group Sex Pistols loves eccentric antics and periodically does not deny herself the pleasure of doing something. At the same time, she bends the career line, and when they ask her how she manages not to look back at someone else's opinion, she says that she simply imitates hearing loss.
It's easier to live that way. nine0006
Elon Musk. Tesla, Space X and the road to the future, Ashley Vance
Elon Musk is the most unusual billionaire of the era. He surpassed even his predecessor, Steve Jobs. The author of Tesla electric cars, a rocket scientist who will definitely send people to live on Mars, is a very ambiguous and complex person. Journalist Ashley Vance talks about this in his honest biography “Elon Musk. Tesla, Space X and the road to the future. Without embellishment: Musk himself works 20 hours a day and demands the same from his subordinates. For him, the word “I can’t” or “it doesn’t work out” does not exist. Space X tries to recruit young and single people because people literally live in the office. Each of his business ideas causes laughter, bewilderment, and then - when everything is done - admiration. Do you know what he dreams about now? Build a "Hyperloop" - a pneumatic tube for ultra-high-speed human movements.
