Narcissistic abuse syndrome recovery

7 Tips for Healing from Narcissistic Abuse — Talkspace

Not everyone that struggles with narcissistic personality disorder will present abusive behavior in a romantic relationship, however, in some cases it can lead to abuse, or experiences of a toxic environment. If you’re in an abusive relationship with somebody who has narcissistic personality disorder, recovering from it can be painful. While healing from narcissistic abuse can be daunting, it is possible.

You might go over and over in your head what you could’ve done differently. You might replay specific scenarios where you search for ways you could have handled things differently. Worse, you may even have the urge to rekindle the relationship.

The tricky, and often devastating, part of narcissistic relationships is that they can be intoxicating. The cycle can be hard to break. You probably feel guilty about not leaving sooner, and ashamed that you were there to begin with. Still, you might find that you struggle to fully let go of the relationship.

While these emotions are all common when coming out of a relationship that involves narcissistic abuse, it’s important to understand your relationship was not your fault. You also need to remind yourself that it wasn’t healthy. Remembering these things, and bringing to light the ways that your father, mother, or partner with narcissistic behavior mistreated you, can help you heal and move on to more rewarding, healthier relationships.

Keep reading to learn more about signs you’re healing from narcissistic abuse, and to hear some of the top tips experts recommend to help you work through the process.

Acknowledgement

Keep in mind that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) doesn’t only affect romantic relationships. You might be in a relationship with somebody who has NPD in your family (i.e. “narcissistic father” or “narcissistic mother”), in a friendship, or in a romantic partnership. Acknowledging that you were in the relationship and have experienced narcissistic gaslighting is the first step you’ll need to take.

Once you acknowledge this truth, you can begin to accept that what you experienced was, in fact, emotional abuse. That means you can begin to let go of the blame you might be putting on yourself. Denial is a form of self-protection, and it’s perfectly normal that you might resist acknowledgement about the relationship in the beginning. That said, you do need to accept the reality so you can heal.

Set Boundaries

Once you’ve come to terms with the fact that the relationship was unhealthy, you’re ready to take the next steps in learning how to heal from narcissistic abuse. Setting healthy relationship boundaries is key here.

Start With No-Contact (If Possible)

Typically, setting firm boundaries and cutting off contact is recommended at the end of any abusive relationship. Keep in mind that the no-contact rule goes both ways. At first, it might be hard for you to set that boundary and stick to it. Part of a narcissistic relationship includes promises of change and highs in the relationship that you might be tempted to try and recapture. Boundaries can help you resist going back.

If cutting off all contact isn’t possible — maybe children are part of the equation, or it’s a close narcissistic family member that you’ll still occasionally have contact with — setting firm boundaries about what’s acceptable for you is important. Remember to not only inform them of the boundary, but to also let them know what the consequence will be if they can’t respect it. For example, you might tell them “I’ll see you during this time/event, but if you can’t respect my wishes [remind them of the boundaries you set], I will leave.”

Be Specific

Whether you’re setting boundaries with parents, a friend, or partner, it’s very important to be specific about what boundaries you consider necessary. This might include insisting they don’t share any personal information about you with anyone else. It might be something like they can only contact you via an email address you set up just for their communication. It might be that they can’t yell at you or talk down to you. Your boundaries are yours. You have every right to set them and be firm about them.

Seek Help from Professionals

“When you are dealing with narcissistic abuse, it is essential that you look for professional help; they have the knowledge and experience to help you heal, and you do not have to do this alone.”

Talkspace therapist Cynthia V. Catchings, LCSW-S

Therapists can use a variety of techniques to help you. Online cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is an effective type of therapy that’s often used to help people when they’re on the road to narcissistic abuse recovery. Working with a therapist, you can begin to:

Identify the reasons why you accept abuse
Build coping skills to help you navigate abusive relationships
Resist the urge to remain in contact with somebody who’s abusive
Become open and honest with others in your life about the abuse you’ve experienced
Figure out if symptoms of anxiety, depression, or another mental health condition might be coming into play
Deal with and overcome any thoughts you might be having about self-harm or suicide

“Clinicians that specialize in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and personality disorders are trained to deal with narcissistic abuse issues. It is important that you see the right professional to make sure that you get the best help possible.”

Talkspace therapist Cynthia V. Catchings, LCSW-S

Practice Self-Compassion

Self-compassion can be instrumental in learning how to heal from narcissistic abuse. You might find that your first reaction is to blame yourself. It may take some time for you to stop critiquing your own behaviors that contributed to the relationship.Remind yourself that how someone treats you is not your fault. Reward yourself for finally getting to a place where you can heal and get out of the situation. Recognize the signs you’re healing from narcissistic abuse as you see them. Above all, be proud of how far you’ve come. One day, you’ll find that you’re able to forgive yourself instead of judging yourself for the past.It might help to create some mantras to use when you start to feel down. Remembering that you’re strong, that you deserve love, and that you’re brave for getting out of the relationship, can all help you heal.

Be Patient

Even the best relationships can be difficult at times. When you’re recovering from a relationship that included narcissistic abuse, things can be even more challenging. Be patient with yourself and be patient with the healing process.

As time goes on, you’ll find you can start to let go of the relationship and move forward. Eventually, you’ll get to a place where you believe that you deserve healthy and positive relationships in your life. Patience will be key in your recovery.

Exercise Self-Care

Taking care of yourself can be beneficial in many ways. It’s always important to practice self-care, but especially when you’re healing from narcissistic abuse, being kind to yourself is essential.

Self-care is doing things that help you meet your own physical and emotional needs. Our mind and body are connected, so working on both areas of your life can help you feel stronger, braver, healthier, and more ready to take on the world. You might focus on:

Paying attention to your stress level
Getting enough sleep
Eating healthy
Taking the time to do things you enjoy
Connecting or reconnecting with people in your life who are positive
Getting physical activity in your day
Using the coping skills you learn in therapy to help you manage your relationships
Practicing mindfulness, yoga, or other relaxation techniques

Lean on Support from Loved Ones

There may not be another time in your life where you need more support from your loved ones than when you’re getting out of a toxic or narcissistic relationship. Opening up about the abuse and asking for help can not only be good for your healing, it can also help you begin to reestablish trust in others. The healing process can be lonely, but the people in your life who love you and want to support you can:

Give you the compassion you’ve been lacking
Distract you
Keep you busy on especially difficult days
Validate your pain
Continuously remind you that this isn’t your fault

If you don’t have anyone in your life who can offer the support you need, consider reaching out to a support group where you can be with like-minded people who understand what you’ve gone through and where you’re at right now.

“If you do not know where to start, look online, ask a school counselor, or talk to someone you trust that has been in therapy before. They can guide you to find the right professional for you.”

Talkspace therapist Cynthia V. Catchings, LCSW-S

Any form of abuse in your life is unacceptable. You deserve to be surrounded by loving, positive, nurturing people. If you’ve recently gotten out of a toxic relationship, finding signs you’re healing from narcissistic abuse can be one way you motivate yourself to keep going. From getting professional help, to leaning on your loved ones, to focusing on self-care…you now have the tools you need to heal, and that’s a pretty good place for you to be.

See references

Stinson F, Dawson D, Goldstein R et al. Prevalence, Correlates, Disability, and Comorbidity of DSM-IV Narcissistic Personality Disorder. J Clin Psychiatry. 2008;69(7):1033-1045. doi:10.4088/jcp.v69n0701.
Narcissistic personality disorder. Medlineplus.gov.
Mitra P, Fluyau D. Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Ncbi.nlm.nih.gov.

Talkspace articles are written by experienced mental health-wellness contributors; they are grounded in scientific research and evidence-based practices. Articles are extensively reviewed by our team of clinical experts (therapists and psychiatrists of various specialties) to ensure content is accurate and on par with current industry standards.

Our goal at Talkspace is to provide the most up-to-date, valuable, and objective information on mental health-related topics in order to help readers make informed decisions.

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Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Ways to Heal

Recovering from narcissistic abuse can be challenging and stressful. Although it may take time, healing is possible through some of these methods.

Narcissistic abuse is psychological and emotional abuse associated with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). People with NPD may display behavior that is regarded as self-centered which can reflect a need for recognition or attention.

Signs of this type of abuse may include gaslighting. Gaslighting includes denying that an event happened and questioning a person’s memory. It can also mean controlling another person, sometimes due to feelings of insecurity or jealousy.

If you’ve recently ended a relationship with someone displaying these behaviors, you may be going through a recovery process and dealing with a lot of hurt and emotions.

Any form of abuse can be traumatizing. In addition, narcissistic abuse may also leave you wondering if you’re to blame for what’s happened. This can be part of a narcissistic abuse cycle.

If you’re getting out of an abusive relationship, know that recovery is possible. While your experiences may be traumatizing, you can get through this.

Recovering from abuse-related trauma can be difficult, but it’s possible. Here are a few tips on how to heal from narcissistic abuse.

Label the abuse

David Tzall, a licensed psychologist in New York, states that the first step in your healing process can be to acknowledge that abuse occurred and that it impacted your life. Identifying and accepting that it happened can help you make sense of your experiences and emotions.

Sometimes, abuse from a narcissist can be subtle. You may even question if it’s abuse at all. As much as it may hurt, accepting and putting a label on it means you’re addressing it head-on.

Use exercise to help heal your mind

According to the National Alliance of Mental Illness, you can heal your mind through your body.

Trauma can live in your body and your mind. Engaging in physical activity, such as kickboxing or yoga, can help relieve the trauma stored in your body, says Tzall.

Try to find a physical outlet that will help you release your emotions. Make sure that it’s something that you enjoy doing. If you force yourself to do something you’re not comfortable with, it can feel destructive rather than healing.

Connect with old friends and family or a support system

Don’t be afraid to reconnect with anyone you may have been isolated from while you were in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, says Tzall. Getting back in touch shows you’re brave and ready to receive help.

In addition to reconnecting with your own support system, you can consider reaching out to a support group. Having the support of other survivors that have been through a similar journey can help your healing process.

The road to recovery from narcissistic abuse can be challenging.

The trauma you’ve endured may be too complex to unpack on your own. A mental health professional can help you process your feelings and help you recover from the abuse you’ve experienced.

According to a 2020 study, some types of therapy may help alleviate stress and impairment and help you recover from abuse. These include:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): talk therapy that helps change negative thought patterns
Trauma-Focused Therapy (CBT): treatment for children and adolescents impacted by trauma
Integrative therapies: options like motivational interviewing can support recovery by enhancing motivation
Psychologically‐orientated interventions: treatments like art and music therapy use self-expression to help heal trauma
Humanistic therapies: supportive counseling and non-directive therapy can help people going through recovery feel more understood

A therapist can offer you guidance and help you heal. If you’d like to be supported as you begin the road to recovery, you can consider reaching out to a mental health professional today.

How to Find a Therapist

Narcissists portray a sense of confidence where they try to maintain a sense of control over you. They may use different tactics to do so, such as:

gaslighting
emotional abuse
lying
lacking empathy
financial abuse
using superior behavior
ignoring your boundaries
using manipulation
playing the victim

Narcissistic abuse isn’t limited to romantic relationships. It can also happen with:

parents
other family members
friends
neighbors
coworkers

Narcissistic abuse can lead to many long-term psychological effects that may range from mild to severe. Some of the possible long-term effects include:

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
anxiety
depression
feelings of unworthiness
low self-esteem
mood swings
sensitivity to criticism
self-destructive behaviors
racing thoughts
difficulty sleeping
tendency to peopleplease
trust issues
disconnection from others

Often, those recovering from narcissistic abuse need support. Here are a few ways that you help a friend or family member who’s recovering.

Be there for them

One of the best ways to support someone recovering from narcissistic abuse is to simply be there for them, says Tzall. Try not to make them feel judged and don’t blame them for having stayed or staying in the relationship.

Someone recovering from narcissistic abuse will most likely have trust issues, explains Tzall. Try to be their safe haven, providing a place where they can go to feel safe and secure.

Listen to them

Another way to help someone recover from a demoralizing relationship is to listen to them. They’ve experienced trauma, and what they need is someone who listens with empathy and love.

Be their shoulder to cry on as you lend a non-judgmental, listening ear. Your support can be their guiding light to help them recover.

It’s important to acknowledge the experiences and feelings of the person you’re supporting. If they mention thoughts of self-harm, it’s essential that you take it seriously rather than shrug it off.

If you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, help is available

You can access free support right away with these resources:

988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.Call the Lifeline at 988 for English or Spanish, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
The Crisis Text Line.Text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741.
The Trevor Project. LGBTQIA+ and under 25 years old? Call 866-488-7386, text “START” to 678678, or chat online 24/7.
Veterans Crisis Line.Call 988 and press 1, text 838255, or chat online 24/7.
Deaf Crisis Line.Call 321-800-3323, text “HAND” to 839863, or visit their website.
Befrienders Worldwide.This international crisis helpline network can help you find a local helpline.

Recovering from narcissistic abuse can be difficult and traumatizing. The abuse can leave harmful long-term effects like anxiety or feelings of unworthiness.

If you’re getting out of an abusive relationship where you felt manipulated or gaslighted, know that there are ways you can recover.

You can start healing from narcissistic abuse by first acknowledging that it happened to you. Then, heal your mind through your body by partaking in self-care through enjoyable physical activity. Lastly, you can reach out to your support system or a support group for guidance and care.

If you have a loved one who needs support to recover from narcissistic abuse, the best thing you can do is to be there to support and listen to them.

Ultimately, recovery is possible. Seeking assistance from a mental health professional or support groups can help aid in recovery.

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