Baby stranger anxiety 5 months

What It Is and How to Help Your Baby

When babies are new to the world, they’re often happy to be passed from one person’s arms to the next without much fuss as long as they’re full, warm, and comfortable. As babies get a little older though, it’s not uncommon for them to begin to fear being passed to unfamiliar arms.

While there’s something to be said for baby wanting to be in your arms all the time, sometimes you want to drink a cup of coffee while it’s still hot or just get out of the house for a while — because let’s be real, mama needs a break!

Naturally, it can be frustrating when your previously easygoing baby turns into a sobbing, clingy mess when a new babysitter or stranger is in their presence. However, rest assured this behavior is developmentally normal.

Stranger anxiety is the distress that babies experience when they meet or are left in the care of people who are unfamiliar to them.

Stranger anxiety is a perfectly normal developmental stage that often begins around 6 to 8 months. Stranger anxiety typically peaks between 12 and 15 months and then begins to gradually decrease as your baby continues to grow and develop.

The development of stranger anxiety coincides with a baby’s budding sense of organization and order in the world. Around the time that stranger anxiety begins, baby realizes that the relationship they have with the people they spend the most time with (often their parents) is different than the relationship they have with strangers and other people they don’t know well.

As they realize this, babies seek out the familiar and express distress around the unfamiliar.

Stranger vs. separation anxiety

While stranger anxiety and separation anxiety often begin to develop around the same time, they are distinct developmental milestones.

Stranger anxiety refers to a baby’s distress around meeting or being left in the care of unfamiliar people, while separation anxiety refers to a baby’s distress around being left alone or separated from their parents or primary caregivers.

If a child experiences distress when being left with a familiar grandparent or regular caregiver, they’re likely experiencing separation anxiety, not stranger anxiety.

If a baby expresses distress when approached by an unfamiliar individual or when being left with someone new, they are likely experiencing stranger anxiety.

While stranger anxiety is normal and to be expected, the intensity and duration of the distress experienced by any individual baby, along with the ways that distress is expressed, may differ greatly from baby to baby.

Some babies express their distress by “freezing” in your arms. They may remain very still and quiet with a frightened expression on their face until the stranger leaves or they begin to feel more comfortable around them.

Other babies might express their distress in more obvious ways such as crying, trying to hide their face in your chest or clinging tightly to you.

Older toddlers who are more verbal and mobile might try to hide behind you or express verbally that they want to stay with you or want you to hold them.

While the research on separation anxiety is more robust than that of stranger anxiety, scientists have delved into the topic.

A 2017 study observed that babies who showed a steep increase in fear between 6 and 36 months old were more likely to show increased anxiety at 8 years of age.

A 2013 study of twin pairs looked at the many factors that influence a baby’s anxiety, in particular, stranger anxiety, and found that there is a maternal connection to the anxiety levels of the baby. The researchers acknowledged that the increased likelihood that a mother with anxiety will have a baby with anxiety can be caused by a combination of maternal behaviors and genetic factors.

Further, a 2011 study points out that research has primarily focused on mothers, but fathers are also a factor (Can we get an “about time they noticed” here?). In fact, the researchers noted that in some cases the father’s reaction may be more significant than the mother’s in cases of developing stranger and social anxiety.

So what does all this mean? Are all babies with stranger anxiety destined to be anxious kids in elementary school? Are parents with anxiety destined to pass this along to their children? Not necessarily. So many factors are at play with a child’s social, emotional, and developmental growth.

While you can’t prevent your baby’s fear or anxiety, especially during this normal developmental stage, you can be aware of how you react to their feelings and encourage positive interactions.

While the distress associated with stranger anxiety is normal, there are many strategies you can use to help your baby through this challenging stage with care, empathy, and kindness.

Recognize that every child is different. Every baby will warm to new people at their own pace. When you recognize that your child’s hesitancy to interact with new people is normal, you may be more likely to muster the patience it takes to help them move through the big emotions associated with stranger anxiety.

Take practical steps to help your baby feel comfortable meeting new people. This can include introducing anyone new to the baby gradually instead of suddenly. For example, if you hope to leave your child with a new babysitter, you can have the sitter spend some time with the family together first before you attempt to leave the child alone with them. Have the sitter visit with you and play games for some friendly interaction. If you’re enthusiastic and upbeat, your baby will gather that this new person is pleasant and trustworthy.

Use a gradual warm-up strategy even with those close to you. Suddenly people your baby previously was happy to see, such as grandparents, aunts and uncles, or family friends, may be a source of stress for your little one. It can be especially challenging when your baby acts as if their loving grandparent is a stranger, but these fears are developmentally normal. Encouraging a gradual warm-up period to allow for their comfort will make interactions more positive.

Support your baby as they experience these big, uncomfortable emotions. Experts recommend that you not ignore your child’s distress or pressure them to rein in their response prematurely. Pressuring a baby to go with or be held by a stranger before they’re ready can often increase anxiety and make the next time they meet a stranger even more stressful.

Stay calm and keep it positive. When your baby is distressed about being left with a new caregiver or being introduced (or re-introduced) to someone new, try to maintain a positive and comforting tone and demeanor as you comfort them both verbally and physically. You can hold and talk to them as they move through their distress, give them lots of hugs and kisses, or sing a favorite song until they begin to feel more comfortable with the situation.

Manage other people’s expectations. While your baby’s reluctance to be cuddled by a visiting grandparent is normal, it can cause some hurt feelings if grandparents are not expecting it. You can help others manage their expectations and create a successful introduction by talking to them in advance about your baby’s need to warm up slowly and by offering suggestions for how to successfully interact with your baby when they do meet.

Offer advice to eager friends (who are considered strangers by baby). Recommending that they speak in a calm, soft tone or that they offer a familiar toy can help to ease introductions and let baby relax and feel comfortable. Ask them to give your little one plenty of time to get comfortable before trying to hold or cuddle them.

Introduce baby to new people frequently from a young age. Wear baby facing outward in their carrier (once it is safe to do so) to allow them to become accustomed to seeing new and unfamiliar faces and you can model warm, comfortable interactions with strangers. You can also allow others to hold, play with, and care for your young baby as long as you are comfortable doing so.

The development of stranger anxiety can be a challenging period for both you and your child. While your little one is experiencing lots of big, frightening emotions, you might get frustrated that they seem fussy, clingy, or unsociable.

Stranger anxiety is normal though, and with the right balance of warmth and comfort it typically passes before a child’s second birthday.

As you move through the stranger anxiety phase, remember to be patient with your child, cuddle and comfort them as needed, and try to remain calm and warm as they experience distress. Allowing them time and staying patient through this phase will make for happier days ahead for both of you.

What It Is and How to Help Your Baby

Stranger anxiety is the distress that babies experience when they meet or are left in the care of people who are unfamiliar to them.

As they realize this, babies seek out the familiar and express distress around the unfamiliar.

Stranger vs. separation anxiety

While stranger anxiety and separation anxiety often begin to develop around the same time, they are distinct developmental milestones.

If a child experiences distress when being left with a familiar grandparent or regular caregiver, they’re likely experiencing separation anxiety, not stranger anxiety.

If a baby expresses distress when approached by an unfamiliar individual or when being left with someone new, they are likely experiencing stranger anxiety.

Other babies might express their distress in more obvious ways such as crying, trying to hide their face in your chest or clinging tightly to you.

Older toddlers who are more verbal and mobile might try to hide behind you or express verbally that they want to stay with you or want you to hold them.

While the research on separation anxiety is more robust than that of stranger anxiety, scientists have delved into the topic.

A 2017 study observed that babies who showed a steep increase in fear between 6 and 36 months old were more likely to show increased anxiety at 8 years of age.

While you can’t prevent your baby’s fear or anxiety, especially during this normal developmental stage, you can be aware of how you react to their feelings and encourage positive interactions.

While the distress associated with stranger anxiety is normal, there are many strategies you can use to help your baby through this challenging stage with care, empathy, and kindness.

Recognize that every child is different. Every baby will warm to new people at their own pace. When you recognize that your child’s hesitancy to interact with new people is normal, you may be more likely to muster the patience it takes to help them move through the big emotions associated with stranger anxiety.

Take practical steps to help your baby feel comfortable meeting new people. This can include introducing anyone new to the baby gradually instead of suddenly. For example, if you hope to leave your child with a new babysitter, you can have the sitter spend some time with the family together first before you attempt to leave the child alone with them. Have the sitter visit with you and play games for some friendly interaction. If you’re enthusiastic and upbeat, your baby will gather that this new person is pleasant and trustworthy.

Use a gradual warm-up strategy even with those close to you. Suddenly people your baby previously was happy to see, such as grandparents, aunts and uncles, or family friends, may be a source of stress for your little one. It can be especially challenging when your baby acts as if their loving grandparent is a stranger, but these fears are developmentally normal. Encouraging a gradual warm-up period to allow for their comfort will make interactions more positive.

Support your baby as they experience these big, uncomfortable emotions. Experts recommend that you not ignore your child’s distress or pressure them to rein in their response prematurely. Pressuring a baby to go with or be held by a stranger before they’re ready can often increase anxiety and make the next time they meet a stranger even more stressful.

Stay calm and keep it positive. When your baby is distressed about being left with a new caregiver or being introduced (or re-introduced) to someone new, try to maintain a positive and comforting tone and demeanor as you comfort them both verbally and physically. You can hold and talk to them as they move through their distress, give them lots of hugs and kisses, or sing a favorite song until they begin to feel more comfortable with the situation.

Manage other people’s expectations. While your baby’s reluctance to be cuddled by a visiting grandparent is normal, it can cause some hurt feelings if grandparents are not expecting it. You can help others manage their expectations and create a successful introduction by talking to them in advance about your baby’s need to warm up slowly and by offering suggestions for how to successfully interact with your baby when they do meet.

Offer advice to eager friends (who are considered strangers by baby). Recommending that they speak in a calm, soft tone or that they offer a familiar toy can help to ease introductions and let baby relax and feel comfortable. Ask them to give your little one plenty of time to get comfortable before trying to hold or cuddle them.

Introduce baby to new people frequently from a young age. Wear baby facing outward in their carrier (once it is safe to do so) to allow them to become accustomed to seeing new and unfamiliar faces and you can model warm, comfortable interactions with strangers. You can also allow others to hold, play with, and care for your young baby as long as you are comfortable doing so.

Stranger anxiety is normal though, and with the right balance of warmth and comfort it typically passes before a child’s second birthday.

Fear of strangers: toddlers and older children

Submitted by Mironova Irina on Wed, 12/29/2021 - 17:00

Fear of strangers: what it is

In infants and toddlers, fear of strangers is common. This is a normal stage in a child's development.

This reaction occurs when your baby develops a strong attachment to close people like you. Children prefer to interact with adults they know, and reactions to strangers can be varied: your toddler may cry, become anxious, or, conversely, hide, look scared, or try to hide. nine0003

Fear of strangers usually increases around 7–10 months of age. It can last several months or much longer. Usually the fear of strangers disappears between the ages of 18 months and 2 years.

For example, a 10-month-old baby who has been with a nanny since 6 months may get upset if a new nanny comes. Perhaps the baby will cry, nestle his head against the mother's neck, or scream when the nanny tries to approach or take him from mom or dad.

Stranger Fear Help: What You Can Do

Although fear of strangers is part of the normal development of babies and toddlers, there are a few things you can do to make your child less upset.

To help your baby feel comfortable around strangers, try the following:

Don't ignore your child's fear of strangers and don't laugh at their behavior. This can only increase his anxiety and fear. nine0022
Hold your baby by the hand or let him sit on your lap when he meets or meets new people.
If possible, introduce your child to new people at home first. Home is the place where your baby feels most comfortable.
If the child is very upset with a new person, calm him down and try a different approach, such as playing together. You can also take the baby away from the new person until the child calms down. Please try again after a while. nine0022
When you spend time with new people for your baby, take with you something that calms him down (a toy or a blanket).
Remain calm.

Don't rush

Be patient, don't push your child into new people until he's ready: “Looks like you want to be with me a little more. Let's look at this book together first."
When you introduce your child to someone new to him, stay close to the baby. nine0022
Ask adults who your baby does not know to wait a little before they approach or pick up your baby.
An older kid can be explained who this new person is and what is happening. For example, say, “This is my friend Anya. She loves to play with cars too! Anya will stay with you while we go to visit our friends. We'll be right back after you bathe."

Meeting new people

Continue introducing your child to new people. The more opportunities the baby has to meet and learn that strangers do not pose a threat to him, the more likely that his fear will pass.
Show your child your confident demeanor: a smile, a relaxed posture, eye contact and a cheerful voice will show him that you warmly greet new people and have a positive attitude. Show your child that you are not afraid of new people. nine0022
Help an older child learn some techniques to help him cope when he meets new people, such as "Let's take a few quiet breaths together" or "Here's my kiss that will keep you safe and active all day long" . Kiss me the same way?" These simple techniques will help your child feel more confident in the presence of strangers.
Do not worry about the feelings of adults. Just warn them that your baby is still learning to be in the presence of strangers for him. nine0022

Fear of strangers in children over the age of two years

Fear of strangers in most babies begins to disappear by about two years, but in older children it is not such a rare phenomenon .

One way to help manage anxiety about strangers is to encourage your child to be independent and self-reliant. When the baby feels more independent, then, most likely, he will feel more confident in the presence of strangers. nine0003

Here are some tips to help your child become more independent :

Let your baby do things for himself, like eating, undressing or dressing, learning new play environments, or inventing new games.
Provide him with many new positive experiences and introduce him to new people. Over time, he will learn that nothing bad is happening.
Try not to rush into solving problems, give your child the opportunity to cope with them on their own. nine0022
Let your little one take on some simple responsibilities, such as putting groceries in a supermarket cart, checking the mailbox, or setting the table.
Teach your child not to go to bed at home. This will help the baby to quickly adapt to the regime moments of the preschool institution, or make it easier when it is necessary to spend the night with relatives.

Getting help

Most children under the age of two feel anxious when they are left with new people. If your child's fear of strangers continues into the later years of life, increases or becomes an obsessive form that prevents him from developing, you can consult a pediatrician, neurologist, psychologist about your concerns and about obtaining possible help. nine0003

Australian Article

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Six alarms: a reason to worry about the safety of a preschool child

Komsomolskaya Pravda

emotional or physical abuse

It is rare for a mother not to wonder: “How is my baby doing in kindergarten? Do they offend him without me? They are especially worried about the kids: if the child is still small, then it is quite possible that he will not be able to express everything in words, or maybe he is simply intimidated or confused.

How do you know if a child is safe in a kindergarten or in a section where he is without your presence? Vera Naydenova, a practical psychologist at the Children's Regional Clinical Hospital, gives advice.

Alarms:

1. Disturbance of sleep, appetite, unwillingness to go to the institution: if the child becomes anxious, sleeps badly, wakes up several times a night from fear, looks for his mother or starts walking in his sleep - this should alert parents. As well as loss of appetite or a sharp change in behavior (there was a cheerful immediate baby, but an apathetic frown or a tearful whiner became). Such changes indicate a strong stress in the life of a child.

Psychologist's comment : Until the age of three, the child still cannot express what exactly worries him, cannot understand and speak. Therefore, parents need to carefully monitor the physical and emotional manifestations. If a child has long been accustomed to kindergarten and suddenly there are behavioral disorders, you need to understand their causes, do not confuse the period of natural addiction to kindergarten and alarm signals. The addiction lasts up to 3 - 6 months from the beginning of visiting the kindergarten.

2. Regression or disturbances in development and behavior: the child suddenly stopped talking, or instead of clear words, baby babble appeared, the little man began to copy the behavior of the little one. Enuresis, masturbation, speech stutters and repetitions are also possible.

Psychologist's comment : By regressive behavior, the child seems to be trying to return to the time when he was small, under the protection of his mother. So he seeks comfort, especially if there is a youngest child in the family.

3. Strange games: in the game the child most easily reveals himself by copying the surrounding reality. If aggression has appeared in the child’s game, if evil characters are the main ones, if there are strange words that, in your opinion, have nowhere to come from, sexual overtones or imitation of such actions, you need to figure out where and what happened. nine0003

Psychologist's comment : Be sure to find time to play with the child before going to bed, talk, listen to him. If you find something that scares you, alarms you, you can’t scold the baby or be horrified loudly. You need to finish the game, gently ask during the game: “And with whom did you play like that? Where? When ”- and if a problem is detected, then it is worth contacting a psychologist.

4. Children's drawings: dark colors, aggressive characters, repeated in the drawings - an alarm signal. nine0003

Psychologist's comment: The most "disturbing" colors for children's drawings are black, brown and red. But here we must remember that for a three-, four-year-old child, red is a favorite color, because it is bright and cheerful, and for a teenager it is the color of demonstrativeness, leadership. Another development option: the child has not learned to use other colors and therefore chooses a contrasting black. First, open the whole palette of colors to the child, draw with him in other colors: blue sky, yellow sun, green grass ... And only if the kid who previously painted bright pictures began to prefer dark, then this is an alarm signal. nine0003

5. Auto-aggression: the child bites his nails, pulls out his hair, hurts himself, punishes himself - it is obvious that something has happened to the child.

6. Unstable emotional background and ambivalent behavior : fear of adults or strangers and at the same time an unhealthy desire to please everyone, to please. “I love and hate at the same time” - this phrase best describes the behavior of a child who may have been abused.

Psychologist's comment: These are already severe cases of constant psychological or physical abuse of the child's personality. As in the case of auto-aggression, you need to contact a specialist.

Land of Soviets

Looking for the causes of stress and relieve tension.

There are simple techniques to help "talk" an anxious child and mitigate the effects of stress. Any mother can do them:

1. Recreating the situation through the game, through telling a fairy tale :

“Once upon a time there was a bear cub. And so he grew up, went to kindergarten and met other animals there: a hare, a squirrel, a frog ... And who else? ... And who was the teacher? And what did the little bear do?...” By offering the child to compose a story related to the character’s stay in an environment familiar to the child, you will see his attitude to this environment, what assessment of events he gives, and you can help him correctly understand problem situations. Pay attention to what characters the child inhabits the fairy tale. Monsters, monsters and villains should not normally be the main characters and be at the center of the game. nine0003

Note: this technique works well with children from the age of four.

2. Positive way out of the situation:

In the form of a continuation of a fairy tale or a story based on a picture, beat a stressful situation, but in order for the fairy tale to have a happy ending, show the child that everything will end well: “Once upon a time there was a prince and a princess. They lived in a beautiful castle. They had a son. They loved each other and were happy. But one night an evil toad came and began to break everything around. And my son got scared. I cried. But dad and mom-princess saw her and said: “No, this is our house! We will protect our son!" And they drove out the evil toad. nine0003

You can use pictures to make up a story. It is important that the child understands that good will win. And then let him make up a similar fairy tale.

3. Calming:

A very simple and effective method is motherly love therapy. According to psychologists and the author of the technique, Boris Drapkin, even neurotic stuttering disappears in children, if the mother, when the child falls asleep, mentally or aloud tells him that he is the most beloved, dearest, how much she loves him, that he is friendly and calm, healthy and cheerful. nine0003

It is necessary to speak with a good attitude and not to use negative wording, that is, not to say “you are not sick” or “you are not afraid of anything”, but “you are healthy” and “you are brave”.

Cut out and save!

Tips for wise parents

How to keep your child out of trouble

1. Charge your child for success!

Until the age of five or six, a child develops character, trust in the world, attitude towards people in general, towards things, towards oneself. Here in the first place is the example of the mother (although the father is also important, he gives support to the mother and the whole family, but the emotional contact of the child is stronger with the mother). The child will copy his mother's attitude to life - as a big interesting adventure or as a difficult path teeming with dangers. nine0003

2. Create a stable atmosphere at home!

The more a child is happy, loved, confident in himself, in his family, in its stability, the more strength he has to adapt even in an unfavorable environment, the less he becomes an object of aggression.

3. Be positive!

If mothers are constantly afraid, have a negative and anxious attitude towards the world, then their children find it more difficult to get used to new living conditions and cannot find friends.

4. Teach your child to think that his body is inviolable!

Only a doctor can feel it and only in special cases

5. Communicate regularly!

Be sure to play and talk with your child. Especially at bedtime, when the baby has an urgent need for closeness and security.

6. Trust the child!

Remember that only the kid who lacks mother's attention will lie and write about misfortunes that did not actually happen to him. Trust your child if you are confident. nine0003

7. Ideally, you should visit a specialist psychologist once a year.

And if you notice alarming signals, don't postpone your visit.

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