Are we too different to make it work
9 Signs You And Your Partner Are Just Too Different
Although you may have once been as thick as thieves, compatibility in a relationship doesn’t always last. As relationships grow and evolve, so do the people in them; which is normal and, ultimately, inevitable. But sometimes the evolution and changes can be so big, that suddenly you’re not just incompatible, but too completely different people who can't even keep things a float anymore. As the saying goes, opposites attract, but there’s a limit to just how opposite two people can be. In fact, studies have found that we’re more likely to end up with someone just like us than someone who’s our total opposite.
"No matter how much you love each other and get along, compromise is a crucial part of any harmonious relationship," dating coach and certified matchmaker Francesca Hogi tells Bustle. "If you or your partner constantly force the other to submit to your will, you're setting yourselves of up for a lot of conflict.
"
But the problem is that even if you’re different, that doesn’t necessarily mean that the love is gone. This, of course, can create a problem when it's clear your relationship just isn’t working out so well anymore. It’s at that point you need to seriously think about the present, your future together, or, if need be, consider a future apart as being the best way to go, for the sake of both of you. But, in the meantime, in order to get you to that point, here are nine signs you and your partner are just too different.
1. You Have Different Views On Commitment
When it comes to commitment, people see it differently, which is fine. But when trying to make a relationship work, that's another matter. "If you think monogamy is a beautiful commitment and your partner thinks it's an unrealistic sham, chances are one or both of you is going to end up resentful and disappointed," Hogi says.
2. You Don’t Understand Each Other’s Love Language
According to Dr. Gary Chapman, everyone speaks one of five love languages: Words Of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts Of Service, or Physical Touch.
“People do not need to speak the same love language to succeed as a couple, rather they need to understand the love language their significant other speaks," senior matchmaker and dating coach Lori Salkin tells Bustle. "That is not easy; it not only requires understanding the person and how they are different you, but that what is important to them is different from what is important to you."
3. You Never Feel Like You’re On The Same Page
While no couple is on the same page all the time, it would help if you were on the same page most of the time. A study out of Germany earlier this year found that we’re mostly attracted to people who are similar to us. If you’re on one page and your partner is in completely different chapter, the difference could definitely interfere with attraction and so much more.
4. Your Arguments Never Find A Resolution
People fight differently. Some people slam doors and bail, while others try to stick it out and find a resolution to whatever happens to be the problem.
Ideally, any argument should reach a resolution, one on which you can both agree, but if you can’t, that’s a sign that you’re too different. Conflict is part of relationships; as is conflict resolution.
"The most essential ingredient in a relationship is two partners are willing to work on it,"Dating Coach and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Pella Weisman tells Bustle. "If you have this, you have everything."
5. You’re Annoyed By Things That Excite Them
Although no one says that you and your partner have to like the exact same things, if what they do like and get excited about makes you want to stab yourself in the eye, then that’s something worth noting. Because at that point, it’s not just that you don’t like what they’re into, but you don’t respect it either — which, in a way, may mean you don’t entirely respect them either.
6. Your Sexual Preferences Are Worlds Apart
Although there are a few things more important than sex in a relationship, sex is still a pretty big deal.
What that means is that if your sexual preferences don’t overlap, even in the slightest, then that’s a different that it is hard to overcome. Sexual compatibility is a pretty major part of a healthy relationship, and if what gets you and your partner off are on opposite ends of the spectrum, then that’s a big sign you’re too different.
"Desires ebb and flow, but if you fundamentally aren't on the same page sexually, it's hard to make a relationship work over the long-term," says Hogi. "If one of you is always feeling sexually rejected or dissatisfied, it's a bad sign."
7. You Both Have A Different Idea Of What It Means To Communicate
Similar to love languages, people communicate differently. Some people keep it all bottled up inside until they explode, while others are open books, with their heart on their sleeves. If you and your partner communicate so differently that you can’t even communicate at all, then what do you have?
"Half of the art of any relationship is figuring out how to communicate with the other person," Hogi says.
"Your communication will probably not be perfect from day one and that's OK. But if you're miles apart with no attempt to improve, you're in for a tough time."
8. You Can Never Find A Happy Compromise
Whether you call it a “happy middle,” or simply a compromise, if you and your partner are too stubborn to reach one, then that’s a difference in personality that can rarely be taken away. As Hogi says, compromise is "crucial" to a happy relationship.
9. You Don't Genuinely Enjoy Each Other's Company
"It might sound obvious, but I'm continually surprised by how many couples don't genuinely like each other as people," says Hogi. "Your partner doesn't have to be your best friend in the world, but you've got a better shot at making your relationship work if there's a friendship at the core of your connection."
Images: Andrew Zaeh for Bustle; Giphy
The 20 Incompatible Qualities That End Relationships, According To Matchmakers & Experts
Relationships
Sometimes there just isn’t a way to compromise.
by Kristine Fellizar and Carolyn Steber
Updated:
Originally Published:
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If you're looking for long-term relationship success, finding someone you're compatible with is key. Initially, that might mean bonding over a shared love for an obscure band, favorite restaurant, or cheesy 90s sitcom. But ultimately, you'll want to take a look at the bigger stuff — like your values, goals for the future, etc. — to determine if a relationship will work.
This is exactly what professional matchmakers do when pairing people up. Matchmakers consider what their clients have in common, but also keep an eye out for certain sets of incompatible qualities between partners, that usually mean a relationship won't work out.
As Melody Kiersz, a professional matchmaker with the digital matchmaking service Tawkify, tells Bustle, "There are some obvious ones, like not wanting the same things in life, lifestyle choices in terms of travel or location, and relationship style (i.
e., monogamous vs. polyamorous).” But there are lesser-known incompatibilities that often lead to breakups, too, like the ones addressed below.
Sometimes there isn’t a way to compromise. If you’re thinking about your relationship and asking yourself, “Are we too different to make it work?”, there is a chance that you might be. With that in mind, here are 21 incompatible qualities matchmakers and relationship experts say aren't likely to lead to relationship success.
1
You Have Different Ideas Surrounding Money
Numerous studies and surveys have found money is major source of relationship stress. So it shouldn't come as a surprise that an extreme saver and mega spender would have a hard time staying together in the long run.
"While a balance of these elements can be good, if someone enjoys spending money [...] and the other aims to save money on everything, the relationship won't work because it comes down to incompatible values and incompatible sources of joy," Michela Hattabaugh, a Chicago-based matchmaker with Three Day Rule, tells Bustle.
You might be able to compromise, but chances are your vastly different views will be too difficult to overcome. As Hattabaugh says, "No matter how money is spent, one person is always going to feel that they didn't get what they wanted and be unhappy."
2
You Have Different Senses Of Humor
So you and your don’t laugh at the same kind of jokes. Not a big deal, right? Actually, having a shared sense of humor is one of the top three most important qualities people look for in a partner, Natalie Smith, a Los Angeles-based matchmaker with Three Day Rule, tells Bustle. If a couple can't laugh about the same things, she says, they probably won't even make it past a first date.
In fact, matchmaker Amber Artis says this is one incompatibility that many singles often overlook. “Everyone says they want someone with a great sense of humor, but the reality is that people find different things funny,” Artis says. “One person may be witty and sarcastic, while the other one appreciates silly things.
The ability to laugh easily together is a huge part of compatibility.” If you can’t laugh together, it’s going to be tough for you two to overcome tough times together.
3
You Have Vastly Different Schedules
It's one thing if you like to go to bed at 10 p.m. while your partner likes to go to bed at midnight. But if you have wildly different schedules, Smith says, it can create major roadblocks in a relationship. After all, you can't really expect to get to know each other, much less stay connected, if you aren't ever awake at the same time. Dedicating times to see each other may make this problem less of an issue, but both partners need to be willing to make time for each other.
This can also become a problem if one partner’s sleeping habits affects the other’s. As licensed professional counselor and sex therapist, Sarah Watson, previously told Bustle, “When we don't get enough sleep we tend to be short tempered, have increased anxiety or mood swings and this can impact your connection with your partner.
” Although different sleep schedules may not directly cause a breakup, it can contribute to the demise of a relationship.
4
You Have Different Definitions Of "Relaxation"
According to Caitlin Bergstein, a Boston-based matchmaker at Three Day Rule, how someone relaxes or re-energizes may mean a lot more than you’d think.
"Based on how someone likes to spend their weekend, I mentally put people into two different categories: 'activities person' or 'homebody,'" she tells Bustle. An “activities person” is someone who likes to spend their free time out and about, exploring or doing new things. On the flip side, a "homebody" prefers to spend their weekends in, marathon-watching a Netflix series.
If one person likes being out and about, while the other likes staying in, Bergstein says it's highly unlikely that a relationship will be successful. "While it can seem appealing at first, as the relationship goes on, the homebody will become frustrated that their partner always has to be on the go and can never just relax," she says.
And vice versa.
5
You Have Mismatched Sex Drives
Image Source/Image Source/Getty Images
If you could happily have sex all day long, while your partner could take it or leave it, you might not be right for each other, Smith says. Although incompatible sex drives aren’t an automatic dealbreaker, it also can become a relationship-ending issue down the road. In the worst case scenario, one partner feels frustrated and unfulfilled with their sex life, so they decide to look elsewhere.
The good news is, this can be worked through. As psychotherapist Joanne KetchLPC, LMFT, LCDC, NCC, previously told Bustle, "With communication and a commitment to affection and playfulness, couples can find healthy ways to bridge a gap between levels of desire.”
If you’ve talked about it, tried to make adjustments, and you just can’t get on the same page about sex, there’s a chance that your relationship may not last.
6
You Have Different Self-Care & Health Habits
A lifestyle incompatibility can extend to physical activity and other forms of self-care, as well.
While you and your partner don't have to do yoga together every morning at 6 a.m., Bergstein says vastly different approaches to health and wellness could leave you feeling like you aren't on the same page. For instance, if you’re someone who likes to meditate at night and practice gratitude each morning, it might frustrate you to be with someone who hits snooze on weekdays and marathon watch Netflix before bed. For some, tension can occur when one partner wants to “help” the other partner become healthier, when they’re perfectly happy with the way their life is.
7
You Have Different Outlooks On Life
It can be draining to date a pessimist if you're a total optimist, and vice versa. This can be even more frustrating if you’re trying to help your partner see the positives of a negative situation, and they shut you down.
According to Bergstein, having different outlooks on life can become a problem because it shows how you handle tough situations.
Think about your car breaking down: If you view it as a small hiccup, while your partner has a complete meltdown, the difference in your reactions and ability to cope won’t make for a very smooth relationship.
8
You Have Different Types Of Intelligence
According to Bergstein, intelligence can be defined as anything from a general curiosity or interest in learning, to a desire to better oneself, to the level of education you plan to pursue. And it can all play into compatibility.
"From a general curiosity standpoint," she says, "if one partner is motivated by knowledge and actively seeks out opportunities to learn new skills, and their partner is perfectly content with where they are in life and what they know, it can be very hard to relate to each other."
You won't have much to talk about, you likely won't have many goals in common, and ultimately you may decide you'd be happier with someone else.
9
You Have Different Levels Of Emotional Intelligence
In order to be compatible, it’s also important for your emotional intelligence to line up.
As clinical psychologist Dr. Helen Odessky previously told Bustle, “Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand what other people are saying and how what they are saying is impacting them emotionally. Being able to read and accurately perceive how someone is feeling, and being able to act on that knowledge in a pro-social way, is emotional intelligence."
According to Bergstein, this is key if you want to be truly happy, as it plays into listening skills and how you handle arguments. If you aren't on the same page, you'll likely struggle to understand each other.
10
You Have Different Ways Of Expressing Yourselves
In a similar vein, it's also important to be compatible in how you express yourselves.
"The chance of a relationship enduring between an emotive person and an apathetic person is slim," Rémy Boyd, a matchmaker at Tawkify, tells Bustle. "The emotively-inclined person will eventually feel uncared for and the apathetically inclined partner will feel burdened by their partners’ need for emotional support.
Like other incompatibilities on this list, sooner or later resentment will creep in from both sides — and that can lead to a break up.
11
You Have Different Arguing Styles
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Fighting in a relationship is inevitable, and even the most compatible couples have their share of issues. But couples who have different styles of arguing may have a tougher time overcoming issues than others.
For instance, if one of you is the type to yell and blow up, while the other shuts down, it'll be hard to get to the root of any problem, Inayah Vanessa, a matchmaker at Tawkify, tells Bustle. Soon, arguments and hurt feelings will start to pile up, and you might decide it's just easier to go your separate ways.
12
You Have Different Political Views
While it might be possible to agree to disagree, matchmakers say different political views tend to be a dealbreaker for many couples they work with.
"I have seen singles that begin a relationship with plenty of chemistry, but once they start uncovering their political beliefs, the relationship tends to fizzle," Amie Leadingham, a master certified relationship coach, tells Bustle.
Not only does it lead to arguments, but it's also often a sign a couple doesn't share the same values or belief system.
13
You Have Different "Alone Time" Requirements
Companionship is obviously a big part of relationships, Boyd says, and some people need to spend more time with a partner than others. It really does help if this need matches up. For instance, if one person is more independent, the partner who isn’t might feel like their partner doesn’t enjoy spending time with them. In the same way, a more independent person might feel smothered by their partner’s constant need to spend time together.
If you’re someone who likes being with your partner a lot, just know that having some space in a relationship doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
As registered associate marriage and family therapist, Jacqueline Shlain, MA, AMFT, previously told Bustle, "If you do it right, chances are you will find having a little distance makes you feel more grateful for each other and even bring you closer together."
14
You Have Different Internal Clocks
Are you someone who needs to be five minutes early, while your partner is someone who consistently runs an hour late? "As a matchmaker, I hear about this ending numerous relationships," Susan Trombetti, a matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells Bustle. "People tend to think the other person is self-centered." Even if this isn’t an issue that directly causes a relationship to end, it can contribute to it. Chances are, this could be a source of numerous fights and arguments.
15
You Have Different Religious Views
It's totally possible to date someone who doesn't share your religion, especially if you and your partner aren’t super religious.
But as Bergstein says, many of her clients won't even go on a first date with someone who doesn't practice their religion, as it would mean being with a person who doesn't share their values. This can be a dealbreaker for some, so it’s important to discuss this early on.
16
You Have Different Texting Styles
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Different texting habits might not be the undoing of an established couple, but they can make it hard for a new relationship to get off the ground. "How we communicate is so important to creating a great foundation in our partnerships," Mallory Love, a matchmaker & COO of Love And Matchmaking, tells Bustle. For instance, if you’re someone who only checks your texts once a day, it can be annoying to be with someone who likes checking in every couple of hours. It’s the same if you’re someone who needs constant communication to feel connected. Early on, you may decide to be date someone who texts back quickly, and shows they're interested.
17
You Have Different Family Goals
If you and your partner have different desires when it comes to starting a family, it may not be something you'll be able to overcome. And it shouldn't necessarily be an area where you try to compromise, either.
"If you have a deep, ingrained desire to have a family of your own, it's a mistake to think this is something that will go away in your mind or heart," Sophy Singer, a matchmaker at Tawkify tells Bustle. "Do not assume you can change your partner's mind over time — especially if they clearly stated children are a no-go." And the same is true if you've never really wanted kids, but your partner is all about it.
18
You Have Identical Personalities
It isn't just differences that drive a couple apart. Sometimes, having everything in common can be "too much of a good thing," Kimia Mansoor, a matchmaker at Tawkify, tells Bustle.
Many people think that having shared interests means you've found your soulmate, she says.
But if you're exactly the same, you may have a hard time moving forward in life. It's all about balance, and finding someone who makes up for your deficits, and vice versa.
19
One Partner Is True To Their Self, While The Other Isn’t
It can be tough to be in a relationship with a partner who pretends to be someone they’re not — especially if you’re someone who embraces you who are. While many people tend to show off their best selves at the start of a relationship, it’s important to be your genuine self as time goes on. According to Elizabeth Overstreet, relationship expert and matchmaker, no one should have to alter who they are for someone else. If your partner isn’t comfortable owning up to who they truly are, your relationship might not last.
20
You Have Different Love Languages
Knowing you and your partner’s love language is important in a relationship because it’ll tell you how a person likes to show love and receive it.
For example, if you’re someone who needs words of affirmation to feel secure in your relationship, it may be hard to be with someone who has trouble putting their feelings into words. Or, if your partner needs gifts to feel loved in relationships and you never think to give your partner presents or tokens of appreciation, then it could lead to miscommunications down the road.
The good news is, this doesn’t necessarily have to be a dealbreaker. As matchmaker Amber Artis tells Bustle, “If you have different love languages you can make a relationship work, but you have to be willing to learn your partner's love language and communicate how you like to receive love.”
Experts:
Melody Kiersz, matchmaker
Michela Hattabaugh, matchmaker
Natalie Smith, matchmaker
Caitlin Bergstein, matchmaker
Rémy Boyd, matchmaker
Inayah Vanessa, matchmaker
Amie Leadingham, master certified relationship coach
Susan Trombetti, matchmaker
Sophy Singer, matchmaker
Mallory Love, matchmaker
Kimia Mansoor, matchmaker
Amber Artis, matchmaker
Elizabeth Overstreet, relationship expert and matchmaker
Sarah Watson, licensed professional counselor and sex therapist
Joanne Ketch LPC, LMFT, LCDC, NCC, psychotherapist
This article was originally published on
We're Too Different (LP) - Rachel Higginson
Here you can read for free We are too different (LP) - Rachel Higginson. Genre: Contemporary romance novels. You can also read the full version (full text) online without registration and SMS on the site mir-knigi.info (Mir knigi) or read the summary, preface (abstract), description and read reviews (comments) about the work. nine0003
He was wearing a T-shirt. T-shirt!
I've never seen him in a T-shirt before. And to be honest, I never in my life, not once, thought that a T-shirt could change everything so much. But somehow it worked because the T-shirt was exactly what Ezra was wearing.
He looked younger and more relaxed. I saw his hands for the first time, and they did not disappoint me. They were muscular, just as I imagined them to be. He immediately got me thinking about signing up for another 5:30 am cycling class. nine0003
His smile was wide, real and gentle, which was unexpected.
He sat down across from me and I thought that at that very moment I might have fallen in love with him. Well, okay, it wasn't love, but definitely desire.
A very strong desire.
He leaned forward, resting his hands relaxed on the table.
— Have you decided what you are going to eat?
I cleared my throat and forced myself to look at the menu so I wouldn't be tempted to start looking at Ezra.
- Everything looks very good.
Okay, let's be honest, I had no idea about these dishes, but I was sure they would be good. I think it counts.
- I'm just not sure which dish to choose. What are your, uh, favorites?
“Cock-o-wen is wonderful,” he replied casually. We also saved duck confit when I fired Marcel. I love how the kitchen has been cooking it lately.
Yes, my best friend was a chef, but that didn't mean I paid attention to what she said about her work. Likewise, she wouldn't be able to pick up a brush and do something with it just because she was friends with me.
To be honest, when she started talking about food, I usually imagined the voice of the teacher from the Charlie Brown cartoon, which sounded absolutely pointless. nine0003
But now I was ready to give a lot to remember at least some of those gastronomic conversations of hers! For example, what is coco-o-vein? Meat? Wine? Everything seemed to be clear with the duck, but the word "confit" sounded strange. Maybe it was the insides or something like that? I knew for sure that the chefs were ready to eat anything. And the more strange the food, the more it was valued. For example, a bull's heart or tongue, or century-old eggs.
I don't think I was ready to eat weird duck parts tonight. nine0003
When I didn't answer, Ezra added:
— Would you like something off the menu? I can ask you to cook whatever you want. Just tell me what you would like very much.
My cheeks flushed at his generous offer.
- Actually, I just can't decide. Sorry. Vera usually orders food for me.
Everything on the menu looks great. I don't even know what to choose.
“Ah,” he tugged on the menu, and I let it go easily. "Do you mind if I choose for both of us?" We can order several different dishes and try each other. nine0003
I breathed a sigh of relief.
- That would be great.
— What do you think about mussels?
- Order. If you think they are good.
And if I don't like anything, I can always stop by a Taco Bell on my way home. Just a thought.
He signaled to his waiters and one of them immediately appeared in front of us.
— I'm going to order, David.
“Yes, sir,” David replied.
Ezra began reciting a long list of dishes, including mussels, coke au wen, and duck confit. He also said words I didn't know - cordon bleu and steak fries. He looked at me, a small smile on his face. nine0003
- Guilt?
I shrugged.
- Come on.
- And a bottle of Chateau Grillet.
David disappeared and I realized that I was alone with Ezra Baptiste.
In one of his restaurants. At one of his tables.
I didn't know what to think! And how to feel. Just a few months ago, I felt very nervous with this man. I hated him because this emotion seemed to me the safest.
He was Vera's most famous acquaintance. He was a successful friend of Killian. He was Wyatt's boss. nine0003
But he was nothing to me.
And I was nothing to him. Just a person he could identify from a police orientation if I suddenly decided to rob a liquor store and he happened to be there.
Only lately we seem to have ceased to be strangers to each other. And I didn't think it was safest to hate him. In general, none of the emotions I felt towards Ezra seemed safe to me.
But it didn't seem wrong to me. nine0003
It was definitely dangerous. But it wasn't wrong or sensible or comfortable.
- Well, tell me honestly, isn't it too much to ask with this fresco?
I threw my head back and laughed. Is he asking too much? He always asked too much.
Are you serious?
His face became guilty.
— I was inspired by that painting of yours at Killian's. Perhaps I was too insistent.
I shook my head and ran my finger over the condensed droplets on the side of the glass. nine0003
- You were too pushy at the engagement party. Then you were too pushy when you hired me at 626. By the time you asked me to paint the mural, I would have been surprised if you had said please or let me say no.
Now it was his turn to chuckle.
I'm not used to hearing "no".
- I noticed this.
— Well, to be honest, that's not entirely true. I've heard "no" in my life. I've heard it so often that I'm already tired. So I do my best to hear "yes" nine0003
His gaze was sincere, he delved into memories that I could only guess about. Some part of his unusual energy became calmer, softer. My ice walls began to melt. The harsh words that kept twirling on the tip of my tongue when I was next to him disappeared.
I wanted to hear more about him. I wanted to know more. See more.
I would like to know all of you.
Maybe he wasn't the only one who wanted this.
Is this related to your restaurants? I asked, punching the ground. nine0003
He shook his head.
Yes, exactly. "Lilu" gave me a lot of life experience. Even though I already had experience with one restaurant, - he paused for a moment, and then added. My ex-wife and I own a restaurant together. "Queens". Have you heard of him?
Ezra seemed calm, but I was suddenly overwhelmed with a wave of nervousness. I remembered that he had a fourth restaurant, but it was harder for me to remember that he had an ex-wife.
“Yes,” I said. - I heard about him. Although I've never been there. nine0003
He wrinkled his face.
- It's okay. He suits Elena and brings in income. I wouldn't say he's special.
Is Elena your ex-wife?
He nodded but didn't go into details. Therefore, I should leave this topic and move on to the next one.
If it had been anyone else, I would have been embarrassed to ask direct questions. But with Ezra, it was like I couldn't stop. I wanted to know what happened. I wanted to know everything, not only about his marriage, but about his whole life. I wanted to get to the bottom of the truth and torture him with questions until he confesses everything. nine0003
Until I know everything.
Until I know him.
Do you still own the restaurant together? - well, here, I carefully began sniffing out .
His expression hardened, storm clouds rolled in, lightning flashed, tornado sirens wailed.
— When I met Elena, she was in the process of creating a concept. She did it with all her passion and energy. She wanted to introduce Mexican food to Durham, but in a traditional way. I immediately fell in love with her idea and almost as quickly with her. We got married six months after we met, and as soon as she got my last name and my money, we opened a restaurant. A year after Queens opened, we divorced.
nine0003
Rachel Higginson
Rachel Higginson - read all the author's books in one place in order in full versions on the online library website mir-knigi.info.
The creators of the series "Zema" Anton Karpushkin and Semyon Molokanov - about KVN, the approval of colleagues and ambition How was it created, where did the funding come from?
Semyon Molokanov: We all come from KVN and initially we were not some experienced creators who had many projects behind them. We did something near-cinema and for television, but we didn’t have any major projects. nine0003
But KVN people always have a desire to create something, to try something new. And when in 2016 we decided that we would launch something of our own, then, frankly, we could not even think that we would get the result that we managed to achieve with Zema.
We had no business plan or any strategies. We even learned the basics of dramaturgy already in the process, developing our skills and mastering the craft of screenwriting from season to season.
We just did it from the heart: somewhere frankly, somewhere even tritely. But it turned out that this has its own audience, there are many of them - and it is not limited only to central cities. The story responded and appealed to a variety of people. nine0003
Anton Karpushkin: Semyon has a more creative task in our team, while mine has an executive one. I have to gather everyone, organize everything and see that everything is done correctly. As for the launch of "Zema": Semyon was very excited about the project and one day he just called me at night and said that we would shoot the series. I supported his idea, and then the process of finding funding began. From the very beginning, a million was needed - this is just a starting amount, which we did not have. As a result, we got to a meeting with some businessmen (I knew someone, someone knew Semyon), outlined our plan to them and managed to convince them to lend us this money. nine0003
— What do you think helped grow a small story into a full-fledged saga?
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Karpushkin: I can't say that ignorance is strength, but sometimes ignorance about the difficulties that await you ahead, and a lighter attitude at work, it really helps.
It wraps you up. You are not so afraid of difficulties and are ready to go towards your goal. Perseverance and work will grind everything - it's true. Well, we have kept our sincerity, we are all the same romantics who just do what they love ( smiles ).
- If we assume that the key to the success of this or that project is how it resonates with the audience and its request, then what is the peculiarity of the tonality of "Zema"?
Molokanov: It seemed to us that, perhaps, people were simply tired of large capital production projects with a standard picture and editing at some point. We stood out very much against their background, and it worked. Due to the fact that "Beauty and the Beast" was originally uploaded to YouTube, we were available to the audience. We call this “pocket friends”: they took out their phone at any moment, downloaded videos and watched. nine0003
There is also a feeling that people often want to associate themselves with the heroes of their favorite projects, but there are stories and heroes that seem out of reach.
And with "Zema" this distance between the author and the audience is greatly reduced.
Karpushkin: There is sincerity, honesty and decency in this, which we carry through all the seasons. I agree with Semyon, the main message of Zema, as well as of our entire production, is that we are the same as you. There is no difference between us.
— The first season of the series is more of a comedic love story, the second and third expanded the universe of the project and turned it into a dramatic family saga. How did the storyline develop from the author's position - and why did humor give way to drama? nine0154
Molokanov: Yes, it's just that we ourselves began to grow up, it seems to me. There are things that are difficult to reveal only through comedy, and then dramaturgy comes to the rescue ( smiles at ). We just started to try ourselves in different ways and honestly we can admit that something did not work out for us, but something we succeeded.
At some point, we were approached by other KVN officers, more experienced guys who wanted to work with us and help us in some way. And so the development took place - it was the most natural process: we developed and the project developed along with us. nine0003
Karpushkin: I will add that we have never been interested in pure comedy. In any comical turn of the plot, we always tried to put some serious and socially significant idea. This is a life movie about life.
What's the most unusual or memorable feedback you've received from viewers?
Molokanov: At first people just came up and asked to take a picture with me, and then they started hugging me too ( laughs ). It seems to me that this is a pleasant and noticeable dynamics in the audience reaction ( smiles ). Conventionally, you won’t run up to Burunov and Nagiyev, but they run up to us as to native people, which is very pleasant for us. This is where chemistry is born.
- Joking question: the project was originally called "Beauty and the Beast" with a reference to the Disney fairy tale. What other Disney fairy tale could be reimagined in the style of your show?
Karpushkin: If we take the Disney fairy tale, then we could successfully rethink Aladdin in our style ( smiles ). The hero of Tyap is…
Molokanov: This is a carpet ( laughs ).
Karpushkin: Almost ( laughs ). No, I meant monkey. Maxim Nazarov would be Genie, Chest - a parrot who is always dissatisfied with something. Sema is Aladdin, and Mila is the same Princess Jasmine.
— How did the humorous audio inserts from the Courage-Bambay studio appear on the show?
Molokanov: When we edited the screensaver, I thought it would be great to add a humorous off-screen text - and the first thing that came to my mind, of course, was the Courage-Bambay style, the voice of their founder Denis Kolesnikov.
Denis has been in the top for a very long time, he is loved and recognizable by the audience. He also voiced "How I Met Your Mother", "The Big Bang Theory" and much more. nine0003
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Karpushkin: But the history of our cooperation with Denis is interesting. We found his contacts by some workarounds. They contacted him, offered him participation, and he ... refused ( smiles ). There were some nuances there: both his contracts that must not be violated, and the fact that by that time he simply did not know us and did not understand the concept of the project. By the way, we have never signed such a number of papers guaranteeing that his voice will not be used anywhere, except for the discussed intro. Plus, we agreed that at first we would show the first episode only to him. But this is an understandable reinsurance - Denis has been in this business for a long time, and all these conditions, they are really very important. nine0003
Molokanov: As a result, we are very grateful to him, because Denis played a significant role in the formation of not only Zema, but the entire Penzfilmmash.
And without his participation, now "Earth" is simply impossible to imagine.
Karpushkin: Absolutely. Moreover, after years of our cooperation, I believe that these are not only professional, but also friendly relations, which we value very much.
— Tell us about Penzfilmmash — an original local production, about which little is known. nine0154
Karpushkin: The goals of our company are very ambitious - we want to become one of the best production companies in Russia, which will produce high-quality content for the entire Russian-speaking population of the world. This is global and may even be naive, but I am sure that one day we will come to this ( smiles at ).
We started with a very small team, we could literally be counted on the fingers of one hand. Now we have about 100 people in the team, and this figure continues to grow. Separately, I note that in our state people are not only from Penza, there are guys from Moscow and other regions of the country.
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We are interested in a variety of projects, and we want to occupy those niches in our film production that are not yet occupied by other companies. We want to work with both TV channels and streaming platforms - in this sense, we have no restrictions. Simply put: we have to be everywhere where people can see us.
Molokanov: Yes, for example, we currently have 25 projects for large venues at various stages of production.
- Speaking of Penzfilmmash, do you think that local productions have a chance to repeat its fate - or is it rather a happy exception to the rule, because our film industry is too centralized? nine0154
Karpushkin: I am personally sure that the strength is in the regions. You have no idea how many talented people there are in the regions.
Molokanov: Yes, but they are simply confused, because they do not see clear examples before their eyes of how and where one can move, develop not only in the capital.
