Am i obsessed with my girlfriend quiz

Am I in Love or Lust? I Psych Central

Relationship Quiz: Am I in Love or Lust? I Psych Central
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Medically reviewed by Karin Gepp, PsyD — By Psych Central Staff — Updated on May 23, 2022

Entering a new relationship can be exciting and bring up a bunch of positive emotions. If you’ve recently started dating someone, you may ask yourself: Is it love or just lust?

Lust is mainly sexual or physical, with no desire to bond with the person on a deeper level. Love, in contrast, involves feelings of intimacy, vulnerability, and putting in the effort to build a stronger connection.

Certain signs may help you figure out whether you’re feeling love or lust toward your new partner. This relationship test can help.

This brief questionnaire is designed for anyone who might be wondering whether they’re feeling lust or love for the person they’re now dating.

This love or lust quiz is meant to help you answer questions like:

  • Am I falling in love?
  • How do I know if I’m in love?
  • Is it lust?

This “am I in love quiz” is not meant to tell you if you should stay in your relationship long term or not. But you can use this lust or love quiz to find out how you might be feeling right now toward the person you’re dating.

Depending on your responses to this love test, you can also understand whether you’re in love with your partner or experiencing lust.

Keep in mind that every person approaches dating, love, and their unique love language differently. So be sure to trust your gut and deeply assess your emotions before deciding if you’re willing to commit to this person.

If you always ask yourself this question or you typically experience conflicting emotions in relationships, speaking with a therapist can help you navigate dating in healthier ways.


Answer the questions below honestly about the person you have feelings for, and we’ll score the quiz and let you know the likelihood of love.

This online screening is not a diagnostic tool. Only a trained medical professional, like a doctor or mental health professional, can help you determine the next best steps for you.

Ready to start therapy? Our Find a Therapist resource may help.

Last medically reviewed on May 23, 2022


Medically reviewed by Karin Gepp, PsyD — By Psych Central Staff — Updated on May 23, 2022

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Are You In an Obsessive Relationship? Take this Quiz

Are you an empath? To learn coping skills, get my PDF “Life Strategies for Sensitive People” here.

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As a physician, I’ve seen many patients who felt trapped in obsessive relationships. They can’t stop thinking of someone. They can’t stop checking their phones to see if he/she texted. A great part of their consciousness is devoted to ruminating about what this person is doing or not doing and they are afraid of losing the person. These obsessive/possessive relationships can be very painful.

I discuss this topic at length in my books The Empath’s Survival Guide and The Power of Surrender. In them I emphasize that bonding with a partner is a natural part of getting to know someone and of falling in love. But getting overly attached goes beyond healthy bonding and is disempowering. When you truly love someone you’re not interested in possessing the person or keeping him or her in your clutches because you’re afraid of losing the relationship. Instead, you respect your partner’s autonomy and spirit. You’re not too entangled, by standing together side by side. True intimacy is always a balance between bonding and letting go so the relationship can breathe.

Take the following quiz to determine your obsessive patterns.

Quiz: Are You Overly Attached to a Partner?

  • Do you cling to your partner?
  • Do you want to possess him or her?
  • Are you often afraid of being abandoned or betrayed?
  • Do you get anxious when you don’t hear from him or her every day?
  • Do you constantly think about the person?
  • Do you start obsessing about a partner after you have sex?
  • Does your partner feel you are trying to control or suffocate him or her?
  • Do you feel you can’t live without the person?
  • How to interpret this quiz: 6-8 yeses indicate that you are extremely overly attached. 3-5 yeses indicate that you are moderately overly attached. 1-3 yeses indicate that you have a tendency to overly attach. A score of zero indicates that you have healthy bonding with your partner.

    First to deal with an obsession you have to seize control of your thoughts and mind. Then consciously change your thinking from unwholesome thoughts to constructive positive ones. It is very important to consciously shift out of the obsession using your will to do this.

    An aspect of myself that I’ve made progress in healing is my tendency to get overly attached to men. During sex I bond quickly and fuse with a man but I can’t un-fuse with him later. I start yearning for him and thinking about him constantly. Some of this is organic and beautiful, but becoming overly attached crosses a line. I can become obsessed and intensely hungry for contact particularly if I’ve been single for a while.

    I am a sexual being so, after I haven’t had sex for a while, I can become needy compared to when I have an ongoing connection with a loving partner. Being in this position makes me (and many women) vulnerable to getting overly attached. For instance, if I don’t hear from this man for a few days–I can get anxious and afraid of losing him or of being abandoned. It’s not good for me, and moreover, most men don’t appreciate this kind of response. So in my tantric sexuality sessions and in therapy, I discovered how to enjoy passion from a more grounded place. Here’s how:

  • I learned that over-merging with a romantic partner without a pause can decrease the erotic charge. It actually can be more erotic and intimate to go in and out of intense connection with a partner, rather than sustaining it. This gives both lovers their space and more breathing room.
  • I don’t “root” in a man, but root primarily in myself and the earth. One way I do this before and after lovemaking is to visualize my body developing roots into the soil like a tree. I’m still surrendered to and immersed in pleasure, but I also keep a fuller sense of myself intact later. I’m able to separate from him and more comfortably see us as separate beings.
  • After lovemaking or to deal with possessiveness in intimacy, I also find it useful to meditate with my partner and then say to each another, “I adore you. I honor you. I release you.” This is a healthy way to bond while not excessively attaching or fixating. It produces a beautiful equilibrium of loving.
  • The solution to not becoming overly attached or possessive is to focus on strengthening your self-esteem while addressing and releasing fears, including the fear of abandonment, which can cause the need to cling. Working with a skilled relationship therapist or coach can be productive. Also you can practice the three tantric techniques that I described above. These will help you develop autonomy and grounding. Being willing to surrender the tendency to overly attach in favor of healthily bonding will allow you to have more joyous and pleasurable relationships without the pain of obsession.




    Adapted from “The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People” (Sounds True, 2017) by Judith Orloff MD



    Test: Whose muse are you?

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    Which writer would you inspire to create a great work? Let's check it out with a quiz!

    Pass the test


    Let's start with the main thing. How would you feel about a man writing a book about you?

    I'm absolutely indifferent to such things

    It's scary to imagine what he'll write there... Let him at least change his name so that his mother won't see it!

    It will be nice if they dedicate a beautiful love story to me, which will become a bestseller. Let everyone know how amazing I am!

    If this book wins him the Nobel Prize in Literature and makes him happy, I will be glad. I am even ready to help him work on this masterpiece


    Choose the lines that the beloved could write about you: - love, these lines are mine - just an eclipse, hot sperm "

    “I stood next to her, listened to her, laughed and thought, how terrible it is to love a woman and be poor”!

    "My heart stung with pain - it happened every time I saw the girl I loved go the other way in this world too big for us"


    Your man for several days now beats over a complex scene, again and again crossing out failed lines.

    Your actions?

    I will suggest that he go out into nature or go somewhere together for a while

    He definitely needs a release. We will get drunk and have hot sex right on his desk

    I will take care of him like a child and fill him with my love, because he is so hard now!

    I will make him suffer because of me. In this state, he writes especially well. And don't say I'm cruel! This is a kind of care


    Imagine that your lover has asked you to organize his first literary evening with his admirers. Which location will you choose for this event?

    A tent at a trendy open-air festival, where a lot of young people hang out and driving music sounds

    A cozy restaurant with a pianist and subdued lights. I'll call the main representatives of the literary party there

    Bar! The boyfriend will be pleased, and the fans of his work too. We will read excerpts from works in an informal setting and gradually get drunk

    I doubt that my man will want to speak to the public and communicate with readers. But if necessary, everything will be quite standard: a small bookstore or a library


    You've noticed that one young lady never misses a meeting with your writer boyfriend, approaching him with questions during each autograph session and commenting on his social media posts. What will you do?

    My life is too interesting to be distracted by unfamiliar admirers of my genius

    Don't worry about that. My lover is so obsessed with his creativity that he does not notice anything around (sometimes even me)

    This situation will make me deeply unhappy. I will look for signs of infidelity, cry, suffer, complain to friends and lean on alcohol

    I'm going to write this little fool an angry message to keep her away from my man. And if she doesn't understand and continues to ask her stupid questions during his performances, I'll pull her by the hair out of the audience


    Reverse situation. During a literary festival where you came with your boyfriend, one famous talented writer keeps his eyes on you.

    Later, he starts sending you emails with words of love. Your actions?

    I will ignore such signs of attention. I love my man and will always be faithful to him!

    I will flirt and play with his feelings. Maybe I even go on a secret date, but this story will not go beyond communication and smiles

    I will not miss the opportunity to start an exciting affair on the side. My man is calm about cheating, and in general we are in an open relationship

    It is quite possible that I will flare up reciprocal feelings for this writer and I will go to him


    Finally, not even 50 years have passed, but beloved received the Nobel Prize in Literature. What is your reaction?

    Hooray! We are going to Sweden!

    Through suffering and pain, my man finally got what he deserved for a long time

    This award would not exist if it were not for the relationship with me. The best lines of his books were written during strong attacks of love!

    Oh gods! I had sex with a Nobel Prize winner in Literature!

    Did you like the test? Get a gift!

    We will give an e-book of choice to each new subscriber!

    Skip and see results →

    Obsession: what is stalking and how to deal with it

    Love and sex

    Even if you are not a millionaire blogger or a pop star, you can easily become a victim of persecution. Social networks have made our lives too open. Here you are sitting in a restaurant, which you inform your subscribers about, and suddenly an annoying admirer comes there “quite by accident”. Coincidence? We don't think...

    So, let's figure out what can be considered a manifestation of attention or romantic courtship, and what should scare you? Your ex won't leave you alone even though you made it clear to him that it's over. At the same time, he not only calls and writes, but for some reason always ends up exactly where you are: at the same concert, in the same bar, at the same premiere. A stranger who recognized your place of work on social networks, without warning, arrived at the office with flowers and is waiting for you at the exit. Or the new fan you didn't call after the first date keeps texting and trying to meet up and even hooking up your girlfriends and following your mom. In social networks, an unknown (or famous) fan or fan writes strange messages to you, besides, reacting to all your photos and comments on your personal page. If any of the above is in your life, it seems that you have become a victim of a stalker.

    And if you want to know better who they are, watch the series "You" or the movie "Fatal Attraction". The main characters in them are bright representatives of such a phenomenon as stalking. Fortunately, not all stalkers are maniacs in life, but still their behavior is no less frightening. And, unfortunately, it is almost impossible to protect yourself from such people with the help of the judicial system.

    N is absurd. I sit at home, then turn on, then turn off the phone. Sometimes I need to make a call - and all this needs to be done instantly, otherwise the iPhone will be raped by an attack from one cherished number. The caller is sitting downstairs in the car. Guards.

    You don't understand: he's seriously lost his mind, and you need to call the police with orderlies, or is it just a tantrum - nasty, but short-lived? Well, how can an adult man, having received a resignation (relationship - less than a month), arrange this show with giraffes?

    My version (and I insist - out of harm): this is such childish selfishness - I will lie on the floor of the store, squeal and piss under myself until my mother buys a toy. And not because the toy is needed (no one remembers what kind of toy we are talking about), but ... out of principle. Once something happened, and now you are proving something there.

    Nevertheless, it is scary to go outside, because tears, women's howls, persuasions will fall on you. What to persuade? love me back?

    Or Vladimir, in all seriousness, in an ambush. He has professional equipment - a telescope with a range of kilometers. He sits in the bushes and follows his mistress. He is waiting for her to come with another. She comes. Then he watches her windows (no longer from the bushes, it seems that he somehow got on the stairs of the house opposite). The mistress did not agree on an exclusive with him, she is free to sleep with anyone. But Vladimir stubbornly follows, calls, arranges scenes. He is fired, but he does not give up. I am now telling you about a successful man, married, with children, who puts on a wig, camouflage - and watches the girl all night long.

    Don't say it's love. Any feeling, phenomenon or object has clear boundaries. Love with persecution, torture of an object is a mental illness with a fetish in the form of a person.

    Love is bright, kind and altruistic. The essence and meaning of love is reciprocity. If this is not so, it is not love, but spiritual problems. A riot of passion is good only if it is two-sided.

    Wikipedia says that “stalking is unwanted obsessive attention to one person by another person or group of people. Stalking is a form of harassment and intimidation; as a rule, it is expressed in the pursuit of the victim, tracking her.

    Men make up 83% of stalkers, and women make up about two-thirds of the victims of stalking. About 50% of stalkers are ex-partners who start stalking after a breakup or divorce.”

    In the past, many men could not accept being abandoned by a woman. There were even these "competitions" - who actually abandoned whom. As if for adequate people it matters. I had one man who came back into my life twice, making great efforts, was perfect, and then abruptly changed his behavior - and I immediately exposed him again. For the third time (here he already moved me to pity - he portrayed some kind of misfortune, begged to stay with me for a week), he changed the strategy. Realizing that the line “she’s softened, now I’ll show her who’s the boss” doesn’t work, he went into the kitchen and said: “I understand, we don’t fit together, I’m breaking up with you.” Well, I, satisfied and happy, said “OK!”, afraid to frighten off luck. He repeated: “It is I who part with you!” “Well, yes, of course, I’m in shock, God, how can I live,” I said in a monotone. To be honest, this did not bring him much joy, but it was clear that he was happy that it was "he left me." “Well, you idiot,” I thought, imagining life without his troubles. But it was a humane version of persecution.

    True obsession is a serious illness. It is dangerous, even though it has different variations. It is not for nothing that a very strange kind of stalking is called “nonsense of love charm”. He is the Clerambo syndrome, he is also erotic nonsense.

    As a child, I had a friend who told very true stories that a famous singer was in love with her. These tales were very similar to the truth. You are given a thoughtful, reliable story, sincere experiences. Miscellaneous small details. But at some point inconsistencies come out. Somehow the person is talking. And you understand - he is delirious. Another friend, already in adulthood, said that she had a connection with one minister. She also worked in the government, so their acquaintance did not seem to be something impossible. Smart successful woman with a brilliant career. Well, a man tells you about a secret (he is married) relationship that lasts for many years - nothing out of the ordinary. It's not like she's been abducted by aliens. Lots of details and, most importantly, the stories are so ordinary - no outstanding adventures, nothing strange that could suggest fantasies. For five years she fed me stories about that minister from time to time. And then I started to suspect. Didn't make ends meet. Then a mutual friend admitted that he did not want to betray her (childhood friend), but since I guessed, he laid out how everything really is. This woman takes every opportunity to be where the minister is. If she had a small talk with him, it's like a relationship year in her mind. Sometimes she is blown away - and in the middle of the night she bombards him with messages. The man reacts with dignity - either he pities her, or he has nerves of steel. A separate part of her life is hatred for his wife. She knows everything about her. Sometimes he watches. Criticizes everything, including children. And this has been going on for 20 years. Of course, she doesn’t have a personal life - but she believes that she has an affair.

    Sometimes such people are just intrusive. Sometimes they are dangerous.

    I had a lover who I kept just in case - and the funny thing is that it only lasted a month. He once called me, and I lied that I was going to visit relatives. In fact, another lover came to me. And so he leaves for work in the morning, and then the doorbell rings. I opened it without asking, I thought he forgot something. And there, this one. He bursts into the apartment and starts a tantrum - they say, he sat on the bench all night, and I, the bitch, was with another. It was scary. And then, lo and behold, the second man really forgot something and returned. And exposed the idiot. I had to twist it a little.

    Such people are unable to control what happens to them. Sometimes they are frankly stupid, and sometimes they are smart, and then they more cleverly confuse the tracks, inspire confidence. And they can convince you that this is all love. But you don't believe.

    Images from the TV series “You”

    A very simple test: if a person complicates your life, if he convinces you to do something that you don’t want at all (at least to accept him), then it means that your interests are not important to him from the word “ at all". Oddly enough, the police scare them. Threaten. If he knows that the police will not do this, feel free to lie that your new man hired security, he has a staff and these guys are harsh. This usually works.

    Stalkers realize they cannot control you. But the main thing is not to be fooled by myths about unbridled love that drives a person crazy. Stalking has nothing to do with love. And stalkers are cunning and prudent. Their goal is not you, but a sense of control, victory over you. Their addiction is more of a disease. And here it is necessary to make it clear that you and only you manage your life. Don't feed their interest. Do not engage in dialogue and do not answer questions. Do not try to convince or regret. The stalker can understand your attention as hope.

    And most importantly, be sure to write a statement to the police and inform the stalker about it. There may be several options for filing an application - according to the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation (Articles 137 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation "Violation of privacy" and 119 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation "Threat of murder or infliction of grievous bodily harm") or according to the Code of Administrative Offenses (administrative articles: "Insult" in Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation 5.

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