Am i a victim of domestic abuse

Finished reading here

The room was dark: a streetlight shining through the glass of the window cast a warm yellow light on the space. Sleep would not come, and the only thing left for me to do was turn to the wall, look at the drawings on the pink wallpaper of my girl's room and listen to the silence. I remember well how in the middle of the night a noise was heard from somewhere above - it looked like a stool had fallen on the floor. One sharp sound was followed by another, then another, and finally, a drawn-out female scream. Voices, male and female, mixed into a single mess: it was not clear who exactly was screaming and why. I looked out into the corridor, listened to the sounds and went to my parents' bedroom. nine0005

“Mommy,” I called as I opened the door.

Mom was sitting on the edge of the bed and was also listening intently. She turned around at the creaking of the door:

— Why aren't you sleeping? Go to sleep.

— Mom... what's that noise?

Pay no attention. Go to bed,” she repeated, and I left.

More than twenty years have passed since I first encountered that sound. I moved through several cities, countless cheap rooms and expensive apartments, and - no matter where I ended up - sooner or later I almost always heard the same thing: a sharp noise, a scream, a muffled fuss. These women can be seen everywhere - outwardly different, they scream in exactly the same way, they are afraid, they feel. Mini-market saleswomen, trolley bus conductors, primary school teachers, high-ranking officials, my relatives and best friends...

The victim of psychological pressure or physical violence constantly reports to the other half, does everything according to his orders, tries in every possible way to please him. She often speaks of him with apprehension or shows fear, often justifies the character of her partner, blames herself or treats the situation kindly, with a smile.

The main warning sign is changes in behavior (a sociable person in the past becomes withdrawn), unwillingness to communicate and go out without a second half, unexpected conversations about divorce or suicide, which just as unexpectedly end. nine0005

People who are physically abused may:

• talk about themselves "I'm so clumsy, I'm always bumping into things", talk about regular "accidents" or lie, making up excuses out of proportion to the damage done: for example, "We were playing with a kid and I hit the bed," though the facial bruising doesn't exactly look like the result of such an injury;

• Frequently skip work, school, social events without explanation, wear unseasonable close-fitting clothing, or wear sunglasses indoors. nine0005

People who are forced into isolation may:

• rarely appear in society without a spouse;

• meeting relatives and friends less and less;

• have limited access to money, credit cards, cars.

If you notice any of these signs, don't be afraid to appear intrusive and unceremonious, don't convince yourself that it's none of your business, that you might be wrong. Yes, you can really be wrong, then it will be enough to apologize and continue to live as if nothing had happened. But sometimes your silence can cost a human life. When I started collecting stories, I tried to stay non-interventionist. It turned out bad. Women sent photographs, audio messages with threats addressed to them, and videos of beatings; several times, shocked by what I saw and pained by empathy, I quit working on the book. nine0005

In doing so, I realized three important things.

First - often I was the first person with whom the victims shared their pain. Feeling that they are not alone with their fears is what victims of domestic violence need.

The second point is that talking to another person can help victims of domestic violence understand for the first time that what is happening to them is really not normal, and it is definitely violence that should not be happening.

Many were surprised, saying that, of course, they thought that this was not very good, but they did not understand it that much. nine0005

And the third point. The biggest reason women don't leave men is because of their children. Show victims, for example, articles about how domestic violence affects a child's future relationships with other people, self-esteem, and susceptibility to depression. And, if you can make any commitments to financial support, take them.

How to Start a Conversation :

• talk to the woman in private, just ask if there is something going on in her life that she would like to share. Do not start a conversation quietly, in your ear, at some party, as if you are looking for an excuse for gossip; nine0005

• Promise that the conversation will be anonymous and if she doesn't want to, no one will know. Keep your word, don't talk behind your back;

• tell us that you want to help and, if necessary, are ready to be there for you in any difficult life situation. Describe specifically what you can take on and what help you can provide.

What not to do :

• wait until the alleged victim of domestic violence contacts you;

• assess the situation in an accusatory tone, cite yourself or your friends as an example of exemplary behavior with men; nine0005

• put pressure on the victim, rush to make a decision, escalate the situation;

• justify the rapist and say that the victim is to blame;

• panic.

Remember: if you have never experienced psychological or physical abuse, then you most likely cannot fully appreciate the sophistication of the abuser's manipulations. Just be there.

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• Mixit will help victims of domestic violence to contact the Violence.No Center

Old age without violence | Elderly people and domestic violence

Verify your age

We have created our website so that you can find out about the problem violence and how to protect yourself, help loved ones and where ask for help.

But if you are under 18, then the new law obliges us to warn you from information that may shock you, such as that family and relationships are built on the principles of love, respect and freedom, not violence, suffering and pain. nine0097 Therefore, we are forced to ask you to confirm your age:

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Estimated growth of the world population aged 60 years and over in 1995-2025

One of the major problems faced by older people is domestic violence. Research suggests that 4% to 6% of older people are abused , i.e. up to 86 million people in the world. At the same time, it is almost impossible to assess the real scale of the problem - as with partner violence, cases of abuse often do not fall into the statistics.

How does domestic violence against the elderly happen?

Causing pain or injury, using physical force or restricting freedom of movement by physical force or drugs.

Causing harm and suffering by verbal or non-verbal actions. Includes insults, pressure, coercion, isolation from friends and family, threats of harm (including other people or pets).

Illegal or improper use of the savings and property of the elderly.

Any non-consensual sexual contact with an older person (inappropriate touching, inappropriate language, rude or inappropriate touching during breast and/or genital hygiene, viewing sexual material in the presence of an older person, explicit phone calls of a sexual nature in the presence of an older person ). nine0005

Refusal and/or non-fulfillment of obligations or part of them by the person who takes responsibility for the elderly person or caregiver (absence / insufficient care in accordance with age: food, medicine, sleep, doctor visits, social services consultations or other bodies necessary for ensuring a decent and comfortable standard of living). This may be accompanied by intentional attempts to inflict physical or emotional suffering on an older person.

It is especially difficult for older people to protect themselves for many reasons: social isolation, health problems or lack of information about where to get help . Even in cases where physical abuse is used against older people, they often do not go to the police. This is because the perpetrators of violence against older people are most often their own children, and contacting law enforcement may be seen as a last resort that an older person may put off until it is too late.

With the support of Tinkoff , we have developed a system of assistance to the elderly and their relatives.

The Center's specialists will help you recover, find a way out of the situation of violence, and partner volunteers will help you determine a plan for further action.

You can sign up for a consultation by calling the Center’s phone number:

8 495 916 3000
(on weekdays from 10:00 to 18:30)

Psychological support group

The support group is designed for relatives and caregivers of older people who face stress while caring for an elderly relative.

You can sign up for a support group by calling the Center's phone number:

8 495 916 3000
(on weekdays from 10:00 to 18:30)

It is important not to allow violence against the shadow to remain.

Each of you can be part of our campaign to raise awareness of this issue. You can contribute in three steps :

Learn how to recognize violence

share information about the problem in your social networks

. Distribute materials within the communities

OK

not ok

to pay attention to: 9000 9000 9000

these are signals that a person may be subjected to violence

OK

Not OK

What to look for:

• bruises, bite marks, cuts, cuts 904
• pain or limited movement
• unexplained injuries (fractures, fractures in bones, sprains)

these are signals that a person may be physically abused

OK

Not OK

What to look for:

• missing items
• constant lack of money to meet basic needs: food, clothing, medicine, utility bills
• withdrawal of large amounts from the account, change in financial habits, unusual/unreasonable/sudden spending
• transfer of control over finances/residential and/or non-residential property to another person

these are signals that a person may be exposed to economic violence

OK

Not OK . d.)

these are signals that the needs of an older person are being neglected