Always depressed on my birthday

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SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.
Also visit the online treatment locator.

SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.

Also visit the online treatment locator, or send your zip code via text message: 435748 (HELP4U) to find help near you. Read more about the HELP4U text messaging service.

The service is open 24/7, 365 days a year.

English and Spanish are available if you select the option to speak with a national representative. Currently, the 435748 (HELP4U) text messaging service is only available in English.

In 2020, the Helpline received 833,598 calls. This is a 27 percent increase from 2019, when the Helpline received a total of 656,953 calls for the year.

The referral service is free of charge. If you have no insurance or are underinsured, we will refer you to your state office, which is responsible for state-funded treatment programs. In addition, we can often refer you to facilities that charge on a sliding fee scale or accept Medicare or Medicaid. If you have health insurance, you are encouraged to contact your insurer for a list of participating health care providers and facilities.

The service is confidential. We will not ask you for any personal information. We may ask for your zip code or other pertinent geographic information in order to track calls being routed to other offices or to accurately identify the local resources appropriate to your needs.

No, we do not provide counseling. Trained information specialists answer calls, transfer callers to state services or other appropriate intake centers in their states, and connect them with local assistance and support.

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Last Updated: 08/30/2022

Why You Cry On Your Birthday

I didn't always hate my birthday. As a kid, birthdays were met with giddy excitement, in anticipation of 'The Best Day Of The Year'. In true Leo moon fashion, I adored that all the attention was showered on me — I'd take some of Coles' finest cupcakes to school, everyone would sing to me and I'd come home to one of my mum's home-baked cakes that she'd chosen from the Women's Weekly cookbook (usually Dolly Varden cakes, IYKYK). Life was good. Until it wasn't.

As I got older, the blues began to set in. When my birthday approached, I found myself feeling uneasy and I perpetually nauseous. I couldn't leave the house without a pit in my stomach, and you could practically feel the anxiety living it up in the back of my throat. The idea of planning a birthday event was panic-attack-inducing. I skirted around any birthday conversations, hoping they would just go away. They didn't.

For me, and so many other people, birthdays are meant to be a time of celebration. They're practically a big love letter — a time when the people you love have an opportunity to really show up. Because if they don't make you a homemade cake for your birthday and text you at midnight, then how much do your friends really love you? Social media has intensified these unrealistic expectations — scroll through your Stories and you're met with grand declarations of love (usually in the form of photo montages), surprise flower deliveries, cute gifts, homemade cards and nights out with tables full of friends. Cool, that's great and all. But what if your birthdays never look like that?

By the time August 27 rolls around, my anxiety morphs into pure sadness. These days, the melancholy is almost as certain as my birthday. A standard birthday goes something like this:

I wake up, hoping to see text messages from all my friends. Then reality comes cruising through, gifting me with messages from only one or two people (but always my mum). That's okay, they're probably still sleeping. I wait for that special birthday 'buzz' to fill my body — as if when I go into a cafe, everyone would miraculously just know it was my birthday and buy me free brunch. Unsurprisingly, this never happens. As the day goes on, there's a cloud that follows me everywhere; a perpetual anti-climax. By mid-morning, I inevitably retreat back to my bedroom, cancel my evening plans ("Sorry, I'm sick"), close the blinds, wrap myself up inside my doona, and binge-watch whatever shitty show comes up on Netflix. I've always hoped that that the next birthday would be different. Special, even. But after a few years of unexplainable sadness, I've begun to just brace myself for the letdown.

I'll admit that sounds a little melodramatic, but it's a sentiment that even has its own name — the Birthday Blues. It turns out that I'm not the only one who prefers to stay inside and cry every birthday. There's a whole bunch of us! How good! But is birthday depression actually a real thing? And how can we combat its effects every time we blow out the candles? We spoke to psychologist Ash King to find out.

What Is Birthday Depression?

It's exactly what it says on the tin. Birthday depression, or birthday blues, refers to that feeling of sadness, anxiety, or apathy that surrounds your birthday. "People who have birthday depression often spend their birthdays with a low sense of energy and feel gloomy, with thoughts that often focus on their past," King tells Refinery29. It's a phenomenon that is extremely common (seriously, ask your friends), but despite this, there's still very little research surrounding it.

Why Do We Get Birthday Depression?

"A birthday is usually a date that's quite significant in people's lives," King says. "Its significance is also impacted by the person's age, gender, culture and the history of what birthdays have meant to them."

While there hasn't been much research into birthday depression specifically, anecdotally, the birthday blues are becoming a common feeling that people experience each year. Ella*, 30, tells us about her own birthday depression. "Social media really affects me. I see people making birthday posts claiming it's their 'birthday week'; people who are spoilt all week by their friends and family. I get depressed because I don't get that," she shares. "But when I do get spoilt, I feel like I don't deserve it. So I tend to not want to make my birthday a 'thing', even though deep inside, I think I do."

Beth, 31, has similar sentiments. "I feel behind on life's plans, or at least what is expected to be achieved by a certain age," she says. And she's not alone.

"People who get down on their birthday might be confronting fears of getting older and facing their own mortality," King says. "For others, it could prompt reflection on unrealised hopes, vanished expectations and past failures. People might feel like they’re not where they thought they would be or wanted to be at this stage of life. People might also feel overwhelmed by the pressure to feel happy and joyful on this day that is routinely dedicated to celebrations (at least in Western cultures). For some people, it might also activate traumatic memories — particularly if birthdays are a reminder of sad, overwhelming or tragic experiences."

How Can I Keep The Birthday Blues Away?

Whether it's your birthday (and hey, happy birthday, you good thing!) or you're mentally prepping yourself for the day, King shares a few clever strategies that you can employ to make the day a little less sucky. And who knows, you might even enjoy it.

1. Get Reflective

Get your journals out; it's time to get deep. "Consider what thoughts are feelings are showing up for you around this time of year," King says. "Why might this anniversary prompt challenging feelings?"

This could be anything from a fear of ageing, loneliness, past trauma, or even a friend flaking on your birthday plans. The important bit is to sit in these feelings and really interrogate why you're feeling the way you do, says King. Maybe you feel like you're behind in life with the approach of a milestone birthday. Maybe birthdays make it clear that your social network isn't as strong as you'd like it to be. Maybe it just brings out your fear of rejection. Whatever it is, really get into the weeds with why you feel the way you do.

2. Practice Self Compassion

Yes, I know you've been told this a thousand times already, but consider this to be another reminder. Be nice to yourself! Give yourself a bit of credit for how far you've come, where you're at now, and where you're going. If you don't have the energy to celebrate your accomplishments, at least treat yourself with kindness. Take yourself out for a nice lunch, have a bubble bath, or buy yourself something nice — go wherever your love language guides you.

King says it's important to "respond to these thoughts and feelings with kindness and compassion. After all, it’s human to feel sad and to experience disappointment and regret."

3. Lower Your Expectations

"It's tough to be harbouring these feelings on your birthday when others (and perhaps even yourself) feel like it's time to be happy and celebrate", King says. "Your emotions don’t follow some appropriate, socially sanctioned calendar. They manifest spontaneously and sometimes at less-than-ideal times. Don't put pressure on yourself to feel a certain kind of way just because it's your birthday. And if you know that you tend to feel low around your birthday, perhaps go even more gently with yourself."

4. Be Honest

As always, vulnerability is key to having a good time. "Tell the people around you how you might feel around your birthday," King says. "Let them know that you might need something more gentle and nurturing than a big birthday hoon, given that this day is something challenging for you."

Not only can this help you relieve stress and anxiety leading up to the big day, but you might also find that your friendships benefit from this kind of honesty. After a candid conversation with a friend of mine about my birthday anxiety, she now makes a clear and concerted effort to make me feel special — Every. Single. Birthday. Usually in cake form. It's fantastic, and something I might have not been gifted with if I hadn't had those conversations with her.

5. Give Yourself Permission To Feel Good

"Even though you might be used to experiencing some challenging emotions on your birthday, that’s not to say that you cannot do things that offer you the opportunity to feel good, relaxed, grateful or connected", King says. "Perhaps consider what you might curate for yourself to help make this happen. Maybe it's a low-key dinner with close friends, a walk in nature, a massage or a dance class."

But Beware — The Birthday Blues Can Be A Sign Of Something More Serious

Because there hasn't been a lot of research into birthday depression, there are also a lot of unknowns out there. It can be easy to shrug your sad day off as just a one-off, but the birthday blues can also be a symptom of something more sinister. "It's a good idea to understand if your symptoms are a manifestation of a larger depressive disorder," King says.

King speculates that it's more likely to impact those with a history of depressive disorders or those who have traumatic or difficult memories associated with their birthdays.

"Birthday Blues" isn't a formal diagnosis, so if it creeps in around your birthday and then disappears soon after, it's probably something that's just 'anniversary'-dependent, King says. But if it sticks around longer, it might be time to chat to a GP or psychologist as there might be something bigger bubbling beneath the surface.

If you or anyone you know is experiencing depression or anxiety, please contact MIND on 0300 123 3393

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Beautiful SMS congratulations to a girl on her birthday

Short: sms, In verse, in prose, In your own words
Cool: funny, comic, funny, funny
Beautiful: To tears, touching, soulful, original, Wise

May everything around be covered with flowers,
May the world be filled with miracles,
Head spinning with joy,
Great words sound.
Let the birthday pass merrily,
Leaving impressions for a year!

Happy birthday, beauty!
Be healthy for many years!
May the light in your soul not go out
Kindness and happiness!

Happy birthday, girl,
Happy birthday, dear,
Love and be loved,
Be always happy.

You are the girl you need,
For men's eyes - a delight,
You break everyone's hearts,
But you know a lot about life.
I wish you a birthday
Love to the point of stupefaction!

A dream will take you by itself,
I dare to notice you…
She is already rushing towards you
And all good things will happen!
I won't wish at length:
Blossom and smell all the time!

I wish you all the facets of happiness
You can reveal yourself!
To have perfume, diamonds, dresses.
Always be with a full bag.
So that only joy from fans
And there was no small sense. nine0003 May you succeed as a person
And keep your youthful ardor!

Stay the most gentle,
Sweet, kind, the best!
Let there be a sinless life
And prosperous in everything!

Beautiful SMS congratulations to a girl in verses happy birthday

The sweetest and most beautiful,
The kindest and best
I congratulate you on your birthday.
I wish you strength and inspiration,
I wish you joy wagon,
On a personal account - a million.

On this best holiday day
You are the most beautiful and sweetest!
Happy Birthday to you!
I want to wish today.
Love, joy and warmth to you.
To never lose heart.
Best wishes from me!
You are beautiful, and our gift
Will be amazing and in the subject,
Today is a holiday for you
And congratulations about me!
You are the cutest and most amazing!

Spring girl, beauty - a feast for the eyes!
Today everyone will congratulate you on your birthday! nine0003 Everyone is fascinated by your beauty,
And all the verses are only for you alone...

You are a heartbreaker, you conquer men... prince, then I want to be him!

Your beauty is incomparable,
And on your birthday we want to wish you,
Always be desirable, always be loved,
Know how to be cheerful, do not think to be bored!

How we love to be friends and communicate with you,
And your bright image pleases our eyes,
We don't want to part with you for a moment,
Rather, accept congratulations from us!

Happy birthday,
I wish you the sea of love,
So that the sun warms you,
So that everything in life is in time!

To be beautiful is a lot of work!
I wish you victories in it.
Let the envious die.
And you live without any troubles!
I'm on your birthday
I wish only good,
My beauty, in fate! nine0003 Let there be a spark in the heart!

I am struck by your beauty,
This world has been in my heart for a long, long time!
Happy birthday, beautiful you,
Congratulations merrily and loudly!

You dazzle everyone with yourself,
Raise your mood,
Happiness to know you,
See, such a beautiful creation!

And let the love be mutual,
And again you will achieve success in everything!
New impressions - box car,
We love it when you laugh like that! nine0005

Beautiful SMS poems for a girl happy birthday

My dear beautiful girl today I want to wish you a happy birthday! I wish you a sea of wonderful and unforgettable moments! Accept life's twists and turns, whatever they may be. Because there is no joy without dreams! Be happy! Dream despite your age, dreams always come true! Blessings to you - my love!

Today we all together want to wish you a beautiful birthday, you are ours, unique moments in life! So that all your dreams come true, so that your relatives understand, your friends respect, and your beloved appreciates and idolizes! Stay always beautiful, sweet and charming! nine0005

Beautiful, tender, sweet girl, you are my favorite! I congratulate you tenderly, Happy Birthday to you! I wish you happiness and good. So that you look down on all problems, smile more often and I wish you only happiness and goodness! My princess, gentle petal, all these lines are just for you!

Happy birthday to the most beautiful birthday girl - beauty. Let the days light up with the rays of the sun, butterflies flutter around. You are the ideal of female beauty: slender, smart, pious, although sometimes you are very eloquent. Happiness, love and fragrance! nine0005

Beautiful girl I wish you all the best on your birthday, dear, I wish you to your goal, patience will bring you closer to success, inspiration will bring you love, reliable in life, I sincerely wish you, I respect and adore you very much!

When you blow out the candles, remember that there is one flame that will never go out. And this is what burns in my heart. Even when I'm sad and down, your hugs are what always make me chuckle. Happy Birthday Beauty. nine0005

Even the sweetest birthday cake can't be as sweet as my girlfriend. The wishes you make when you blow out the candles on your cake will all come true. Because I want it too. From the day I first met you, my heart knew that it would never want to say goodbye to you. Happy birthday!

Beautiful SMS congratulations to your beloved girl on her birthday

May every new day be full of tenderness and love,
smiles and flowers and every moment gives only happiness and joy! nine0005

Let the aroma of the presented flowers and the attention of loving people give pleasant moments and great happiness on your birthday!

On her birthday, I want to wish a nice girl great happiness in life, care, attention and affection from close people, true friends, sincere feelings, unshakable health. Let everything work out with ease, success haunts you, and a joyful smile never leaves your face.

Happy birthday to you beautiful girl I wish you happiness forever I wish you health like a hero always stay happy there will be many adventures in life let your heart not know sorrows let dreams all come true let everything always work out for you be desired and loved always attentive and reasonable! nine0005

My dear! I wish you real female happiness, not only on this holiday. Always be cheerful, smile, because it suits you so much!

Happy birthday, beauty! Let there be no place for anger and resentment in your life. Let everything in life turn out and go well.

Beautiful SMS words of congratulations to your beloved girl on her birthday

Congratulations to a beautiful girl on her birthday
I wish you true love and inspiration
Do good, always help different people
And never get bored just like that
May your cherished dream come true
And may there always be purity in your soul.

Happy birthday to you today
A beautiful girl of love and happiness I wish you
All the best in your beautiful life
Be the happiest on the whole earth
Always carefully look who is next to you
So that everything is beautiful in life to everyone really need

I wish you joyful dawns,
And happy and lucky days,
Good and reciprocal love.
And life - only the best.

Everything that sounds beautiful in life —
I want to give it to you!
To make you the happiest,
In this world, on this earth!

Congratulations to my beloved girl,
Happy birthday to you,
I wish you love, beauty,
To meet all the best in life,
And so that happy dreams,
Could become a reality!!! nine0005

Happy birthday, my delicate flower,
Happy birthday, my Heavenly Angel!
At your feet I am flattened,
My ideal is perfect - sinless.

I am struck by your gaze,
spellbound by beauty,
Wounded in the heart by an arrow,
Crazed sick,
Numb with admiration,
Congratulations on your birthday!
I can't say more,
I don't have the strength to forget you,
You can't be so beautiful -
You have to be more human. nine0005

Happy birthday! You got older,
Every day you become more beautiful.
You bloom like a marvelous flower -
Every year - one petal.

Your hair, lips and eyes, —
They beckon and wait only for caresses.
And therefore, not without reason,
Men sigh about you.

What to do to stop feeling overwhelmed

August 10, 2016 Productivity

Do you feel that your strength is at the limit, and the work has not been going well for a long time? Find out why this happens and what to do to correct the situation and enjoy life again. nine0005

You have a lot of things to do, but critically little time to complete them. Too many people want you to pay attention to them, and you can't because you're always in a hurry somewhere. You do not understand how you can do everything on time, and even so that there is time for your personal life. Familiar situation?

At the dawn of the digital age, we firmly believed that gadgets would make our lives easier and less stressful in many ways. It seems like we've never been so wrong. nine0005

We are working much harder than before and we can't stop even if we really want to: smartphones, Skype, instant messengers and e-mail have become an integral part of modern life. Yes, and colleagues from different time zones who want to be in touch around the clock. We are stuck at work. It is not at all surprising that with such a frantic pace of life, we often feel unwell.

Reasons why people feel overwhelmed

Sometimes it can be quite difficult to understand what exactly caused your depression. It seems like it all came crashing down at once. But think about this: fatigue is just a feeling that will pass sooner or later, you just need to identify what caused it and eliminate the cause. nine0005

Here is a short list of the most common causes of depression.

Someone is constantly taking advantage of you, and you don't know how to handle the situation and get rid of unpleasant obligations.
You are very much afraid that you will get into a compromising situation and will not be able to get out of it with dignity.
You are too responsible and are afraid to admit to yourself that you are no longer able to deal with the accumulated problems on your own. nine0294
You do not understand what you are asked to do, but you are afraid to admit it, and this weighs on you.

What to do if everything went wrong

When it seems to you that everything in the world is infinitely sad and hopelessly bad, it is quite natural that you begin to feel the same way. Being depressed and tired from time to time is absolutely normal, but if this condition has become your constant companion, then you need to take appropriate measures.

Understand what is the true cause of your bad condition. What really upsets you? Or who?
Think about what you can change. Look at the problem realistically, honestly evaluate whether the situation can be turned around for the better, and do whatever is necessary to do so.
Make a plan. Draft a to-do list of several items that will help solve the problem. Commit changes as you go. Feel free to ask for help. nine0294

It also happens that you are simply unable to influence the current situation. Then you just need to accept it. Yes, it is not easy, but it makes a valuable contribution to the treasury of your life experience.

Done with the general advice. Let's move on to specific actions that you need to perform daily in order to feel much better.

1. Delegate

Do only what you are really good at. Sometimes people take on extra tasks just because they're easy enough, done quickly, and don't require a lot of effort. Sometimes - because of distrust of other people or because they believe that no one else is able to cope with them. Sometimes it's just out of habit. nine0005

All these tasks can easily be delegated to someone else so that you no longer feel like a loaded donkey. Ask yourself: Am I really the only person who can do this? In most cases, the answer will be no.

2. Question

Too often we do things just because we have to, or because we always did them. But are they really necessary? It is quite possible that we regularly spend a lot of time on absolutely useless activities. To stop wasting precious minutes, ask yourself two questions: Do I really have to complete this task? Will anything change if I don't do it? If both answers are negative, feel free to cross this item off your to-do list. nine0005

3. Take breaks

Find time to take a break. No matter how busy your schedule is, it is quite possible to allocate at least 15 minutes in it. This time will be enough for your brain to take a break and start working much more efficiently.

Imagine that these 15 minutes are the kind of mini-vacation you miss so much. Close your eyes for a couple of minutes and allow yourself to relax a little. And then, as if from the outside, try to look at the problem that worries you. We assure you, a solution will definitely be found. nine0005

4. Ask for help

When we feel overwhelmed and overwhelmed, we need support more than ever. For her, we turn to friends, family and even colleagues. Complaining about life within reasonable limits is perfectly acceptable, but know the measure: if you start constantly telling everyone about how difficult it is for you, you will achieve exactly the opposite effect. You don't need a reputation as a whiner, do you?

It is often helpful to look at a situation through the eyes of another person. nine0005

Tell someone about your concerns and ask for advice. Ask how your interlocutor would act in a similar situation and what actions he would take. Sometimes a fresh look helps to find rather unexpected ways out of a critical situation. And in general, maybe you are winding yourself up in vain and the problem is not as terrible as it seems?

5. Learn to refuse

Assess your abilities adequately: if you cannot cope with a large amount of work on your own, do not burden yourself with things just because you are uncomfortable with refusing. Set reasonable boundaries and learn how to finally say the word "no". Every time before agreeing to something, think twice whether you can really cope with the obligations entrusted to you. nine0005

Not sure how to politely refuse? Be diplomatic. If your requester is a boss or an important client, try saying things like, “This is going to be pretty difficult given our current priorities.

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