10 year difference in relationship

Relationship Age Gap: How Big Is too Big?

I once thought I'd fallen in love with an adorable lawyer who started chatting with me while we waited at a crosswalk in Manhattan. I felt an immediate spark, and after we exchanged numbers, we planned our first date without ever bringing up our ages. A week later, somewhere between one and four glasses of wine, he told me I looked “quite young” and asked how old I was.

“I’m 25,” I said, trying to seem proud of the number even though I’d just celebrated this birthday with a bit of dread about growing up. He nodded in surprise and didn’t offer his age until I asked for it. “You’ll never guess,” he said, which is when I tried to examine his face for wrinkles and his hair for salt-and-pepper grays—there weren’t any.

“I’m 38,” he said. Thirty-eight. I wouldn’t have guessed, I told him. Then he excused himself to the go to the bathroom while I sat wondering what our relationship age gap meant: Would he want to move faster in a relationship? Would he be thinking about children already? Would he be appalled by my tiny studio apartment, which I could barely afford?

“So I know what you’re thinking,” he said, upon returning. “Why isn’t this guy married with kids?” He launched into an explanation about not finding the right woman yet and managed to quell all of my concerns—at least for the time being. I continued to find myself smitten, gushing to my mom about him, telling her that 13 years wasn’t that big of an age difference because we got along so well and it just didn’t matter.

We continued to date until, eventually, our lifestyles proved drastically different. His career and financial situations were a far cry from mine, and the idea of things getting serious felt rushed and scary to me. He was closer to 40 than I was to 30, and I felt like he’d inevitably want marriage and children much sooner than I would. So I let our connection slip away, allowing my concern over our age difference to overshadow our passion.

It was ultimately the right call, I felt, and experts seem to agree. The truth is that age is not just a number, says Seth Meyers, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve. A relationship age gap bigger than 10 years often comes with its own set of issues. “While there are always exceptions to rules, a good rule to remember is that dating someone more than 10 years older will present challenges now or later that add to the preexisting challenges any relationship has,” he says.

Couples with a big age difference need to think things through or risk finding themselves at conflicting stages in their relationship. “You can see varied cultural references, disapproval from family and friends, and perhaps community disapproval, as well,” says Rachel Sussman, a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York. “It might be hard to relate to each other’s peer groups too.”

Since dating the lawyer, I’ve capped my ideal man at about five to seven years older than me, especially on dating apps, where you can filter out those in a specific age group. But at the same time, I still keep an open mind—a big age gap doesn't have to be a nonstarter. “The unhealthy individual either has a type that is too specific and narrow—'I want someone between 30 and 35 who loves the outdoors, is really close to his parents and siblings'—or, conversely, too broad and vague—'I just want someone nice,'” Meyers says.

Instead, be realistic about what you want in someone, not what you want from their age. Think of 10 years as a general guideline, but be open to other ages as well—and don’t limit yourself to dating only someone older. "'Cast a wide net' is what I tell all my clients,” Sussman says. “Men should date older, and women should be OK experimenting with dating younger. And we should all be more open-minded.”

Does Age Difference Matter in Relationships? Why It Might and Might Not

Romantic couples with a large age gap often raise eyebrows. Studies have found partners with more than a 10-year gap in age experience social disapproval. But when it comes to our own relationships, both men and women prefer someone their own age, but are open to someone 10-15 years their junior or senior.

While there is variation across cultures in the size of the difference in age-gap couples, all cultures demonstrate the age-gap couple phenomenon. In some non-Western countries, the average age gap is much larger than in Western countries. For example, in some African countries about 30% of unions reflect a large age gap.

So does age matter? And do couples with large age gaps experience poorer (or better) relationship outcomes compared to couples of similar ages?

How Many Relationships Have a Big Age Gap?

Across Western countries, about 8% of all married heterosexual couples can be classified as having a large age gap (10 years or more). These generally involve older men partnered with younger women. About 1% of age-gap couples involve an older woman partnered with a younger man.

The limited evidence on same-sex couples, however, suggests the prevalence rates are higher. About 25% of male-male unions and 15% of female-female unions demonstrate a large age gap.

But what these trends tell us is that the majority of the population is likely to partner with someone of similar age. This largely has to do with having social circles that generally include peers of similar ages and being attracted to others who are similar. Similarity entails many things, including personality, interests and values, life goals and stage of life, and physical traits (age being a marker of physical appearance).

Why Doesn’t Age Matter to Some?

Many of the reasons proposed for age-gap couples have been largely rooted in evolutionary explanations, and focus on explaining older man-younger woman pairings.

From this perspective, it’s thought men’s preferences for younger women and women’s preferences for older men relate to reproductive fitness. That is, the extent to which someone has “good genes” — indicated by their attractiveness and sense of energy (also known as vitality) — and the extent to which they are a “good investment” — indicated by their status and resources, as well as their warmth and sense of trust.

Although men and women place importance on a partner who is warm and trustworthy, women place more importance on the status and resources of their male partner. This is largely because, with women being the child bearers, the investment is very high on their behalf (time and effort in childbearing and rearing). So they are attuned to looking for a partner who will also invest resources into a relationship and family.

But because the building of resources takes time, we tend to acquire resources later in life and so are older by the time we have acquired enough wealth and resources to comfortably provide for others. So, women’s attunement to status and resources might explain why some women may be attracted to older men.

In contrast, there’s evidence to suggest men value attractiveness and vitality more than women, because, from an evolutionary standpoint, youth is seen as an indicator of fertility. Given men cannot bear children, evolution suggests they’re attuned to younger women to enhance the chances of partnering with someone who can provide children.

But the evolutionary explanation is limited in that it doesn’t explain why the reverse occurs (an older woman-younger man pairing), or why age gaps exist within same-sex couples. For this, socio-cultural explanations might provide insights.

With more women working in higher positions and being paid more, they no longer have such a reliance on men for resources. So fewer women will prioritize resources when looking for a mate.

As for same-sex couples, there’s very little research. Some suggest a lack of, or a reduced pool of, suitable age-similar mates may bring about same-sex coupling with large age differences.

What Are the Relationship Outcomes for Age-Gap Couples?

Many people assume that age-gap couples fare poorly when it comes to relationship outcomes. But some studies find the relationship satisfaction reported by age-gap couples is higher. These couples also seem to report greater trust and commitment and lower jealousy than similar-age couples. Over three-quarters of couples where younger women are partnered with older men report satisfying romantic relationships.

A factor that does impact on the relationship outcomes of age-gap couples is their perceptions of social disapproval. That is, if people in age-gap couples believe their family, friends, and wider community disapprove of their union, then relationship commitment decreases and the risk of breakup increases.

These effects appear to apply to heterosexual and same-sex couples. So the negative outcomes for age-gap couples seem to reside not in problems within the couple, but in pressures and judgments from the outside world.

Another factor at play may have to do with the stage of life each partner is experiencing. For instance, a 10-year gap between a 20-year-old and a 30-year-old may bring up different challenges and issues than for a 10-year gap where one partner is 53 and the other is 63.

This is because our lives are made up of different stages, and each stage consists of particular life tasks we need to master. And we give priority to the mastery of different tasks during these distinct stages of our lives. So when each member of a couple straddles a different life stage, it may be difficult for the couple to reconcile each other’s differing life needs and goals.

Does Age Matter?

The success of a relationship depends on the extent to which partners share similar values, beliefs, and goals about their relationship; support each other in achieving personal goals; foster relationship commitment, trust, and intimacy; and resolve problems in constructive ways. These factors have little do with age.

So the reality is, while an age gap may bring about some challenges for couples, so long as couples work at their relationship, age should be no barrier.

This article was originally published on The Conversation by Gery Karantzas. Read the original article here.

If a man is 10 years older: advantages and pitfalls

The psychology of relations between a man and a woman, their beginning and further development in each union is different. Communication arises and receives a certain vector of movement, based on the individual needs of partners. What do girls really need who fall in love with men 10 years older? What are the reasons and what are the advantages of such a relationship over a relationship with peers? Will such bonds be strong and durable? Let's try to figure this out. nine0003

From this article you will learn:

  • Why women prefer men who are 10 years older
  • What are the pros and cons of a relationship with a man 10 years older
  • Are there any problems in a relationship with a man over 10 years old and how to avoid them
  • How to behave properly if a man is 10 years older than you

Why women date men who are 10 years older

There is no definite answer to this question. Everything is very individual - how many young ladies there are in love with a man 10 years older, there are so many reasons for such a choice. nine0005

Psychologists say that young girls are looking for a husband-father, patron and protector. There is a category of the fair sex who seriously consider only relationships with men much older than themselves. They are attracted by maturity, his mind, experience and material well-being. In such relationships, as in a quiet harbor, there is no storm, there is stability and comfort. Let's leave aside the connections that are based solely on mercantile interests.

This is how nature decreed that girls are initially ahead of boys in development. They gradually lose interest in their peers, spiritually drawn to older, more developed and experienced. Already in adolescence, they have practically nothing to talk about with their peers. Experts believe that it is at this age that girls develop a craving for an adult man, not only spiritual, but also physical and emotional. nine0005

When a man is 10 years older, the psychology of relationships is as follows: a woman strives to be happy, create a family, be under reliable protection, feel the support and care of a loved one. And an adult man who is 10, 20, 25 years older is mentally prepared for this, unlike most of his lover's peers.
[YS_General_Banner_1] Of course, no one says that absolutely all aged men meet the expectations of young ladies. But it is with them, according to the firm conviction of many women, that you can become truly happy. nine0005

So, experts identify several main reasons that women tend to build relationships with men who are much older than themselves:

  1. Women believe that the difference of 10 years, when a man is older, becomes a favorable factor for the successful development of the emerging relationship, which will inevitably come to its logical conclusion - the creation of a strong and happy family.
  2. Unconsciously, on a subconscious level, a woman tries to make up for the lack of paternal love. As in childhood, she acutely feels her lack. This may explain her craving for a man much older than her. She wants to remain in the role of a sweet daughter, even in a relationship with a loved one. nine0008
  3. An aged man has psychological, emotional, spiritual and material stability. He understands that reality consists of shades, nuances and halftones. He has long grown out of youthful maximalism, when they are ready to put personal happiness on the line in order to achieve career growth. He will not throw tantrums out of the blue and quarrel over trifles, risking destroying relations with his loved one.

Recommended articles on this topic:

  • Manipulation, worship and narcissism: how to live with a narcissist man? nine0008
  • Phrases for dating, after which a man will call on a date
  • Training, psychologist or psychic: where to go when everything is difficult?

Pros and cons of relationships if the man is 10 years older

In a marriage where a man is 10 years older, there are pluses and minuses. Let's start with the positive aspects of such an alliance.

The most valuable thing a mature partner has is his life experience: in everyday matters, in business and the distribution of the family budget, in sex, etc. He leads his partner, clearing the path for her. With such a person it is easy and safe in all respects. And the woman understands and appreciates it. nine0005

On the negative side - getting used to the role of a father, a man hinders the development of his partner, suppresses her desire for independence. She has two ways - either to submit, remaining an obedient daughter, or to break off relations with him. Any protests and demonstrations in defense of their legal rights will be ruthlessly suppressed. On this basis, conflicts often arise.

When the difference is large (15, 25, etc. years), a generation gap occurs. Partners have different interests, social circle, aspirations. Entertainment, pastime, recreation - everything shows mutual misunderstanding. If it is interesting to one, it will surely seem boring to another. A difference of 10 years is considered optimal in such unions. Such a gap is erased over time - if in early youth, when she is 19, and he is 29–30, the difference is clearly visible, then after 7–10 years it is almost imperceptible.

The fact that a man is looking for a young partner is easily explained by physiology. Before the age of 25-28 years, sexual activity in men is higher than in women. In middle age, by the age of 30-40, they are about the same. Then there is a decline in sexual activity in men, and an increase in women. A man feels that with a peer he is losing ground. Therefore, he needs a young partner, with whom he will again occupy a dominant position. nine0005

Modern civilized society has long been calmly accepting not only marriage, but also sex with a man 10 years older or more. It is much more interesting when the woman in the union is older. And the greater the age difference, the more actively they will discuss it.

Men with young partners receive a powerful impulse, become younger in soul and body. They devote more time to caring for their appearance, join an active lifestyle, and try to be in good physical shape. nine0005

As a rule, a man who is 10 years older is wealthy, with an established career, with a well-established life. He managed to do a lot and now has good dividends. He has his own house (apartment), a decent job, a wide circle of friends ... A woman understands that she will not have to go through seven circles of hell with her beloved until he achieves everything. She does not have to puzzle over finding solutions to pressing problems - everything has been done before her and is presented on a silver platter in exchange for her youth, love and devotion. nine0005

Now about the personal qualities of a mature man. You must understand that we are talking about the age group as a whole, and in no case is it claimed that absolutely all men are like that. The most characteristic, for this category of men, qualities are highlighted here.

Obviously, due to his age, a middle-aged man has rich life experience: he knows how to look after beautifully, he can afford to give expensive gifts, he understands women and is able to make them happy.

  • A good lover - he knows how to enjoy sex with the woman he loves and how to please her. He will make every effort to make her feel good next to him.
  • The experience of previous mistakes made him reserved and reasonable. Before you say or do something, he will think carefully about the possible consequences. Agree, young people do a lot of things that they later regret for a long time. Restraint comes with age, but many mistakes have already been made, many bumps have been stuffed on the forehead. nine0008
  • The time for thoughtless actions is over . This applies to all areas of life, including financial matters. He learned to make good money and manage his capital wisely.
  • In most cases, when a man is 10 years older, or maybe 20 or 15 years older, he intends to start a family . He does this not because it is necessary or the time has come, but because he wants it. If he realizes that he has met a worthy woman, he will do everything to create a family with her with children and other signs of family happiness. nine0008
  • When a girl chooses a man 10 years older, the psychology of relationships compares favorably with an alliance with her peers. Peers have just begun to build a career, they need to find their place in life, become self-sufficient. It takes the lion's share of personal time and effort. She has to wait, pushing her desires and dreams into the background. Constantly hear excuses from him, like: "I have no time, I have to do more work." Or "Let's put it off until I get a new position", etc. A mature man, as a rule, has already passed the stage of formation, he is ready to devote more time to his chosen one, her desires and common interests.
  • Science has proven that a big age difference, especially when a married man is 10 years older, creates preconditions for the birth of smart, well-developed children . When a man is much older, by 15–20 years, there are more chances to give birth to a genius.
  • The emotional stability of a mature partner is very helpful in building healthy strong relationships. He manages his emotions better, understands your needs well, shows more care. Having gained experience, he perfectly copes with emerging interpersonal conflicts and problems in the family. nine0027 And most importantly - you are younger than your chosen one, and will always be so. When a man is 10 years older, he appreciates your youth and beauty more. Yes, and he himself feels a powerful influx of energy next to you, he becomes younger. You are loved, you are desired.

    Sex with a man 10 years older is filled with warmth and love and more "technical", so to speak. He wants to see your complete satisfaction, this is what he really cares about.

    Perhaps the most weighty argument in favor of a serious relationship with a man 10 years older or more is the willingness to take responsibility for everything that happens between you and with each of you. Isn't that what a woman in marriage is looking for? nine0005

    Against the background of young, irresponsible peers who are ready, at the first opportunity, to shift the burden of responsibility onto the fragile shoulders of a partner, a mature chosen one looks extremely attractive.

    Before boys, girls begin to think about a permanent life partner with whom they can build serious and lasting relationships, create a family and find their happiness in it. Men 10 years older than women fully meet her needs - this is the perfect choice!

    nine0016 Possible difficulties when a man is 10 years older than you

    Perhaps it is worth adding some negative strokes to the ideal picture that emerges from all of the above. There are some difficulties that only arise in relationships where the men are older by 10 years or more. However, if you correctly assess the situation, prepare yourself mentally, know in advance about the possibility of such problems, you can find the best way out of any life situations. As they say, forewarned is forearmed! nine0005

    Here are some tips on how to overcome life's troubles without too much hassle:

    • Do not neglect the opinion of relatives and friends of , both your own and from his side. Often a girl is faced with a demonstration of discontent from her parents. Mom and dad are trying to dissuade the "unreasonable" child from marrying a man who is "suitable for fathers." And his parents may not accept a new chosen one of their son for a long time, especially if they have maintained a good relationship with his former partner. nine0008

    Such pressure is hard to bear when it comes as a surprise to you. You can slide into constant scandals, up to the final parting. Knowing that this can happen, you begin to treat many things philosophically, which allows you to avoid quarrels and insults.

    • Jealousy . Remove everything provoking and annoying from your life. Do not give this sizzling feeling a chance to ruin your union. In a relationship where a man is 10 years older, a woman constantly experiences the consequences of her husband's jealousy towards her young surroundings. And she does not want to see characters from his past next to him. Sometimes a woman herself provokes him, making him jealous. Thus, she tries to capture his attention, which she clearly lacks
    • Addiction. There is no doubt that an adult man will definitely establish total control over your life, well, or try to do it. How to dress, how to behave, with whom to communicate, and who not to let close to you ... His dictate will spread to all areas of your personal life, and everywhere he will establish his own rules. Gradually, he will not only control your actions, but will also cease to reckon with your opinion. He is older, he knows better.

    If a girl respects herself as a person, such a humiliating position cannot suit her. She resists, fights for her freedom. This leads to frequent serious quarrels, which, in the end, can destroy even the strongest relationships. nine0005

    From the very beginning of a relationship with a man 10 years older, a girl must understand what problems she may face. Some of them cannot be avoided, and it will not work out the way only you want. We'll have to compromise, compromise principles, step over our pride.

    So, let's single out the main, practically unsolvable problems:

    1. Cannot change it . You should not hope that you will be able to change anything in his character, behavior and lifestyle. This is a completely formed personality, with its own beliefs, way of thinking, behavior, habits and preferences. He knows exactly what is good and what is bad. If you don’t like something in his character, and you’re not sure that you can put up with it, then don’t waste time, look for another (younger) partner. Have you decided to stay with a man 10 years older who has flaws and flaws? Are you going to fix it, change it? So, you need to be patient and become the drop that wears away the stone. There is a third way - to accept and adjust to your partner. The choice is yours. nine0008
    2. The past cannot be erased from life . A man is 10 years older - at least he has a rich past: a former partner, and maybe a wife with children; time-tested, best friends; strong beliefs, established habits. His heart will not belong to you completely, even if you manage to take a dominant position in it. You just have to accept this fact and accept or find a more suitable candidate, without such a "dowry".
    3. Various interests . The age difference will certainly affect your joint pastime. Recreation, entertainment, interests - in everything you will need to find a "golden mean" so as not to infringe on your and his rights. Someone likes noisy parties, bars and restaurants (most likely it's you), while someone prefers a calm, quiet evening in front of the TV, with the family. You need new experiences, new faces, interesting events, and he prefers a feast with close friends, a joint vacation with the same people. At first, he will give in, trying to please you. But over time, more and more often you will have to give up your desires under the pressure of his “iron” arguments. Of course, a similar problem arises with young partners, but peers quickly find a consensus that suits both. nine0008

    Rules of conduct with a man 10 years older

    A lot of things scare a girl who has fallen in love with a man 10 years older and wants a long-term, serious relationship "with a long-term vision." It is not clear how to behave with him, what he will like and what will repel him, whether communication with an adult man differs from relationships with peers (if so, how).

    One thing can be said with certainty - communication with a mature partner will be interesting and exciting. You just need not to frighten him off with your inadequate behavior. nine0005

    Heed advice:

    • Be patient .

    You got a respectable, successful man. The work takes a lot of time, he cannot afford to stay with you all the time. And his delays at work should not annoy you - whining and reproaching him for this is absolutely useless and ineffective. You can get much more dividends if you adjust your daily routine to his schedule. All things need to be done while your loved one is at work. Then more time will be left for spending time together. nine0005

    Do not forget that everything that you so admired at the dawn of your relationship - financial wealth, position in society, a good career - went to him at the cost of great work and incredible efforts. Now he can afford a lot: pay all bills, including yours; fulfill your desires, provide for you financially, etc.

    • Be spontaneous

    Adults are so arranged that everything new delights and surprises them for a short time. They have a lot to do, and they quickly write it down in their list of routine daily activities, move on. Your task is not to become another item on this list. As soon as it seems to him that he has solved this issue, and the case can be sent to the archive, open new facets of the issue in front of him. Bewilder, pleasantly surprise, excite. Do spontaneous, unexpected things. Change yourself and change everything around you. In a word, keep it in good shape. Don't let him relax. With young partners, spontaneity is also needed, but it is easier to surprise and keep them on their toes. With a man older than 10 years, doing these tricks is more difficult. nine0005

    • Forget about the age difference

    A woman who lives next to a man 10 years or more older requires maximum tact when it comes to age. Men complex no less than the representatives of the beautiful half of humanity about their age and the big difference with the chosen one. Refrain from constantly reminding you of the years he lived, that you are much younger, and stuff like that. Do not joke and do not let others joke about age when you are near the chosen one. nine0005

    • Chat and enjoy .

    A lot of interesting and informative things can be learned from conversations with a beloved man who is 10 years older. They know a lot, understand many things perfectly, they have a broad outlook. Young wives like regular conversations with their lover, they enjoy communicating with an intelligent person. Young guys are not inclined to talk, and they can’t say very much - they would hang out with friends and play football or soap up in the gym. A mature man has passed this stage and moved to a new level. Appreciate it, communicate and enjoy

    • Support him.

    The biggest danger lies in his age. We are talking about the notorious midlife crisis. He is characterized by frequent depression, irritability, illness, emotional breakdowns, a desire to change everything around - work, image, friends, interests ... This is a difficult test for a man, he will need your understanding, patience and support. This should not weigh you down, because soon you will enter this age, and then you will need help. nine0005

    Men who have young partners appreciate the fact that they are next to them, and do not enjoy the company of a young and energetic peer. Such candidates for grooms for their daughter are very popular with the girl's parents. You can safely introduce them and be sure that they will make friends. No matter how it was necessary, then, to move them away from each other in order to prevent unification, to strengthen control over the “little child”.

    Thank you for reading this article to the end


    Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy halves, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.

    What inspires me more than anything is the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.

    My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness! nine0003

    The age difference between a man and a woman: how it affects relationships

    The effect of age difference on relationships: Pixabay

    Brigitte and Emmanuel Macron, Lisa Bonet and Jason Momoa, Donald and Melania Trump, Alec and Hilaria Baldwin are prime examples of happy unions in which lovers have a solid age difference. Can lovers of different ages live a long happy life together or is their relationship doomed?

    Age difference: how it affects relationships

    Even a very significant difference in years in a relationship has ceased to shock the world. However, not all couples with a big age difference live happily "until death do us part ...", many lovers break up. How does age difference affect relationships?

    Scientific research proves that age difference in a relationship matters to both partners. Playboy magazine writes that the chances of staying together decrease for lovers in proportion to the increase in the number of years that separate them. Here is the probability of a break:

    1. Difference up to 1 year - 3%.
    2. Difference up to 5 years - 18%.
    3. The difference from 10 to 19 years is 39%.
    4. Difference of 20 years or more - 95%.

    Even more interesting studies were carried out by Sven Drefal, Doctor of Demography and Philosophy. The study of couples of different ages led the scientist to the conclusion that the age difference between a man and a woman affects the life expectancy of partners. Drefal found out that:

    • in marriages of different ages, when the wife is older than the husband, life expectancy decreases for both partners; nine0008
    • if the husband is older in a couple, a large difference in the age of the spouses contributes to an increase in the life expectancy of a man and a decrease in a woman.

    In addition, the well-being of relationships is influenced by psycho-emotional factors, such as public opinion, the presence of common and illegitimate children, social status.

    How does the age difference affect relationships: Pixabay

    Is there an optimal age difference between spouses that guarantees a lasting union? Today there are several opinions. nine0005

    Divide the age of the older partner by 2 and add 7

    The Economist columnist Sumaya Keynes notes that the existing formula for calculating the ideal age gap between spouses is only good for theory.

    Practical research has shown that on dating sites, women are mostly looking for a man of about their age. At the same time, men, regardless of their own age, are looking for girls around the age of 20 to meet. nine0005

    Difference of 2‒5 years

    Economics and Life magazine says that in a marriage where the age of the spouses practically does not differ, over time, the husband and wife become similar not only in habits, behavior, perception of the world, but also externally. It is easier for lovers to find mutual understanding, solve life problems, build a joint life.

    Same-age partners

    Scholars Andrew Francis-Tan and Hugo M. Mialon argue that peer marriages are the strongest. They found that unions in which the difference between the spouses of five years, break up 18% more often than unions of the same age partners. nine0005

    Today, even in science, there is no exact formula for determining the ideal age difference in a couple. A well-known psychologist in the field of relationships, Anna Iotko, believes that only the person himself can create barriers to harmonious relationships.

    Age difference: the man is significantly older

    What are relationships with a big age difference built on and can spouses be happy if the partner is 10, 15, 20 or more years older?

    Associate Professor, Candidate of Psychological Sciences Irina Khokh in her publication “The Specifics of Psychological Dissatisfaction in an Unequal Marriage” writes that respondents consider sexual harmony, which is influenced by the emotional maturity of partners, to be one of the main conditions for marital happiness in relationships of different ages. nine0005

    But if we consider both the psychological and physiological aspects, then relationships with a difference in age have many pitfalls.

    10 years difference

    If spouses are separated by 10 years, there is no difference in age when he is 30 and his partner is 20 years old. But as the partners get older and the wife reaches the age of 45-50, the sexual needs of one and the possibilities of the other may not match.

    An example of a happy marriage with such a difference in age (11 years) is the union of Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively. nine0005

    15 years difference

    When a man is 15 years older than her lover, a woman seeks stability, an opportunity to gain experience that her peer cannot give. G. Zalevsky in the article “Marriages of different ages: psychological problems” writes that for a man, an alliance with a young partner is an opportunity to introduce looseness into intimate life, a way to increase self-esteem, and rejuvenate.

    An example of a happy couple is George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin (17 years difference).

    Difference of 20 or more years

    Youth, naivete and freshness of the beloved attract a mature man. Girls find wisdom, experience, protection, stability, including material ones, in a mature lover.

    The weak side of such marriages can be called various goals, life views, interests. If partners are connected by common interests or business, the marriage becomes stronger and happier.

    For example, Bruce Willis is happily married to Emmy Heming, who is 23 years his junior. nine0005

    It is wrong to think that over time spouses will become unhappy. Sociologists S. Klimova and M. Elyutina in the article “Unequal marriage: the social foundations of the combination of ages” indicate that the fact of the partner’s youth makes the older spouse take care of himself, keep his body in good shape at any age.

    Age difference: the woman is much older

    Marriage in which the woman is older than the man is not uncommon today. G. Zalevsky writes that in such a union, the sexual and emotional upsurge lasts about 3-5 years. When the second phase of a marriage hits, differences in lifestyle, interests, and intimate life can lead to problems and provoke divorce. nine0005

    The union will be happy when partners love each other and realize that they really need this relationship. Then the desire to bring happiness, comfort, peace reigns between the spouses, and the difference in age, even very significant, is not felt by the spouses.

    Mostly self-sufficient, accomplished and financially independent women who have realized their potential enter into such marriages. A young partner attracts a mature woman sexually more than a man of her age. Often women:

    • provide financial assistance to young husbands;
    • help realize dreams and aspirations;
    • promote career advancement;
    • suggest how to solve difficult situations.

    In such a marriage, a man is in a state of psychological comfort, develops faster, becomes self-confident. A striking example is Brigitte and Emmanuel Macron.

    In such families, most often the woman plays the role of the head of the family. If the state of affairs suits both partners, then the couple is able to live a happy and harmonious life. nine0005

    But it happens that the role of a student, which suited a man before, begins to weigh him down. He grows up and understands that he wants to become the head of the family. Then conflicts and misunderstandings begin in the family. A woman is shocked and does not always agree to transfer the dominant role, become submissive and give the reins of power into the hands of a man.

    In such a situation, G. Zalevsky advises:

    • give the man more freedom;
    • stop patronizing him;
    • let your partner make their own choices and decisions; nine0008
    • rate his willingness to take responsibility.

    In terms of sexual relations, marriages with a difference in age develop very harmoniously. The wife has experience and strives for sex, and the man has a lot of strength and desire to make any of her dreams come true.

    In such marriages, a woman subconsciously feels the fear of aging and loss of external attractiveness. A well-known psychologist in the field of relations M. Labkovsky writes that a woman's sexuality does not depend on age, size, beauty or body shape, but comes from within. nine0005

    When she likes herself, feels attractive, she becomes sexy for men, age has absolutely nothing to do with it. Many happy couples have proven this, including the Duchess of Alba and her husband Alfonso Diez, Sam and Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet.

    You can find a huge number of advantages and disadvantages of a union of different ages, but they are unlikely to matter for lovers.

    Learn more