You need healing

To Those Of Us Who Need Healing

Let’s forget about forgiveness and try something different.

We’ve all been there.

Left heartbroken, betrayed, stifled, afraid, destructed at the hands of someone other than ourselves. It’s that bittersweet part of being alive: bitter when it’s fresh, sweet when it’s finally healed.

When discussing emotional healing, everyone seems to fixate on the home run of forgiveness, like it’s something you can simply decide to do. No one ever talks about what it takes to sincerely forgive or how to get there, leaving a lot of people with the common misconception that forgiveness happens on its own with the passing of time.

“You just need to give it some time… time heals all…”

While this may be the case in some light situations where we simply stop caring about someone and the way they hurt us, that’s not what mindful healing actually is. That’s just us mistaking indifference developed over time for forgiveness.

So let’s forget about forgiveness.

Practice conscious sympathy instead

To show compassion is to purposefully shift your perspective to see someone else’s side of things with the pure intentions of sympathizing with their struggles.

I know some of you reading this may already be thinking of that person who hurt you and how they don’t deserve your compassion. And you may be right, they probably don’t. But this isn’t about them as much as it’s is about you. Showing compassion to those who hurt us is oddly the most compassionate thing we can do for ourselves.

I’m not suggesting that you use their history to excuse their actions – one does not pardon the other. I’m suggesting that whenever you’re ready to move on, you start off by recognizing their past and present pains and how they’ve led to your own, instead of trying to conjure up forgiveness that just isn’t ready to exist yet.

How sympathy heals

The hardest part about suffering from emotional pain is the sense of weakness and betrayal that inevitably comes with it. Our tendency to start doubting our own strength is often rooted in the subliminal notion that the ones who hurt us must be completely void of emotion and humanity to do what they did, making us feel like their prey. After all, society tends to attribute emotion to weakness; ruthlessness to strength.

Once our minds establish our own presumed weakness, we start to find reasons why the whole thing was actually our fault: I should have told her to back off, I should have fought harder, I should have known he would hurt me, I should not have been so trusting, I should have, I should have, I should have…

Stop now. Shift gears.

Set your pain aside for a while and open yourself up to reading the person who hurt you like a villain in a story book. We’re all products of genetics and journeys; nature and nurture; sugar, spice and some misery. Everything we are and ever do (good and bad) is the cumulative result of the things we’ve consciously and subconsciously been through. So take in their history, beliefs, intuitions, perceptions, upbringing, intelligence – literally everything that makes them who they are – and use them to make sense of their actions.

Your vision of them will steadily start to transition from the cold-blooded monster you see them as, to the normal human being they actually are. Putting those reality-check goggles on will help you realize that you weren’t weak for happening to be a victim of their actions, that it wasn’t your fault, and that it probably wasn’t even about you. It was about them and their bad decisions, rooted in their own faults and weaknesses. That’s not something to hold against them, just something to be aware of.

This doesn’t mean you have to reach out to them if you don’t want to. Often times we’re hurt by the people closest to us, meaning we usually already know them pretty well. Use everything you know about them that helps make sense of who they are to reach that compassionate point of understanding. This should eventually level the playing field, making you feel less sorry for yourself and more sympathetic towards them, and prepping you for genuinely getting past whatever it is they did.

We can’t move on from the things we don’t understand. Finding the kindness to set your anger and vengeance aside and listen to the one person who hurt you the most is a deliberate act of strength by you.  Give them the benefit of the doubt that they probably didn’t do what they did out of pure evilness, but because of an unfortunate series of events that led them there.

And never feel like you have to forgive. In fact, don’t even think about it. Trust that it will come on it’s own when you’re ready.


Peri Elmokadem is a freelance content and creative writer, visual artist and traveller. On any given day, she’ll pick caramel over chocolate, oceans over forests, dogs over cats. She’s on a quest to find her happy gene and help others find theirs through her work. She’s starting to share her typos and faulty brushstrokes with the world.

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5 Signs You May Need Healing

How many would agree that we all need healing? I’m not talking about physical healing, but on a psychological, emotional and spiritual level.

Healing ourselves from past traumas, abusive relationships, a difficult childhood, karma or even our own mind! Healing happens on several levels, sometimes our emotions/feelings have been suppressed for so many years that we don’t even realise we’re sick or wounded.

We either deny it and go about our daily routine as if everything is okay or we are totally unaware about it until you reach a point that it ends up manifesting in other ways, mostly affecting our physical form that ends up shatters an individual completely and this is when we realize that we need healing.

Healing takes place when you allow it to happen and when your mind, thoughts and emotions are in alignment with your whole being. You can only allow it to happen when you have gained awareness about the issues or blockages that need clearing and it is brought to the surface.

This article, covers the following topics :

Here are five hidden signs you may need healing ~

1) You only focus on the negative

“The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful” ~ Tenzin Gyatso

Thinking negative has become a habit for any kind of situation. Its like your mind has been tuned to only think of the worst possible outcome instead of looking at the positive side of things. Being positive all the time is not possible (let’s be realistic, unless you are a child), but pessimism has become part of your thought process.

Circumstances and life experiences have made you the person you are, but at the same time you are depriving yourself from living life. Sh*t happens to everyone all the time, in some cases it can be worse, but a tinge of positivity can lighten things up and bring you peace of mind even if it’s short-lived.

When you recognise this, you can begin to step forward on your self-healing journey.

2) You tend to overthink

As Osho said, “The Mind: a beautiful servant, a dangerous master.”

When you lose control over your mind and allow it to rule your life, you are in trouble. It not only drains your energy completely but is also a waste of time because nothing positive comes out of it.

I have been a culprit of going overboard with my thinking several times in my life and trust me it has taken me to some of the darkest corners of my mind and swallowed me whole with redundant thoughts. It’s like a vicious trap and if you get caught in it, it can consume you, but if you manage to break free, you reach a safe spot.

That’s the reason why ancient texts refer to it as the ‘monkey mind‘ jumping from one branch to another tirelessly. Only when we decide to take control of it and tame our mind, it becomes our follower.

3) You are caught in the information trap

Gaining knowledge can be an empowering experience. Wisdom is when you know how and when to use that information.

If your thirst for knowledge is an attempt to fill a void within or to cover up a repressed feeling, then it’s only reduced to a combination of words.

We have met people in our lives who can strike a conversation on almost anything under the sun, but are those real conversations? The ones that have the capacity to touch your soul or make a difference in your life. Don’t talk for the sake of it, talk what you really mean. That’s being wise…

Wisdom is not characterized by having a bigger brain, but a bigger heart. Wisdom is shining light in the darkness. It is not something that can be obtained from a book but learnt through experiences, being intuitive and recognition of your inner voice.

The words of Rudolf Steiner comes to mind ~

In speaking, only what has sense or significance should come from the lips of those striving for higher development. Speaking for the sake of speaking is bad in the sense that general kinds of conversations where all subjects are jumbled together should be avoided. One shall, by no means, cut oneself off from one’s fellow companions, one should develop one’s conversation, step by step into something of significance.

One speaks and responds thoughtfully. Never speaking without a reason, rather loving to remain silent. One must try to utter neither too many words nor too few.

4) You fear losing control or letting go

Everyone has fears – some are terrified of heights, others are of darkness, failure, change, truth, and most of all, losing control.

It’s an unending desire for certainty and to control every outcome in our lives. We plan so far ahead, so our days can be comfortable, we are scared of losing control because we don’t want to be thrown out of our comfort zone, into the unknown which can’t be controlled.

Only when we step out of our comfort zone can we experience adventure, get the opportunity to view life from a different lens, grow as a person and more importantly develop courage to look within; that’s when the magic happens.

Drop the safety net, cut off the cords that keep us tied to our old behavioral patterns, get out of your own way and live life. We can’t control the outcome or the future, but we certainly can control our mind and create a new beginning today.

5) You suffer from cognitive dissonance

“Sometimes people don’t want to hear the truth because they don’t want their illusions destroyed. ” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

When we hold on to our beliefs like our life depends on it, when we are so rigid in our thinking and opinion that the moment somebody challenges it with a contradictory belief we feel uncomfortable, this is when we experience cognitive dissonance.

Following this, we may either choose to alter our limited belief system or just dismiss it and reinforce our original beliefs. Based on how you respond to it, cognitive dissonance can have a huge impact on our lives.

In order to question our beliefs we must be willing to turn our attention inwards and once that happens we are able to look at every judgment, criticism, belief and idea with a fresh perspective.

Self-healing is possible, there’s over 50 years of evidence showing that the body can heal itself from all sorts of diseases, including life-threatening ones.   All you need is a catalyst to enable the healing, check the previous link out for more details. We can hardly fathom the power of our minds and the abilities.

Learn to let go, and the rest will fall into place. “Sometimes you need to just step back, breathe and take some time to heal yourself.”

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Art by Autumn Skye
Art by Paulo Zerbato

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Prayer for Healing: Three Amazing Stories

Natalya Loseva, Deputy Editor-in-Chief, Rossiya Segodnya International News Agency :

“It confuses me when people say 'by your prayers'. This is not coquetry, I really do not feel the special power of my prayer, on the contrary, in prayer I am helpless, perhaps even infantile. I just ask - “please, please!” Or, when I am in complete despair, I say as in the Gospel - “it is impossible for a person, but everything is possible with God. Lord, destroyed! I understand that it is impossible, but you can, you do it.”

There have been several occasions when the impossible actually happened. One of our relatives, who should have been turned off life support systems, is on the mend. In our family, all the doctors, everyone understood that his recovery was impossible, that if we talk about an operation for a complication that has arisen, then it will still be palliative. Doctors went to her out of sympathy, and this operation was the impetus for recovery. Now he is a perfectly healthy, working person.

And my only child had an injury in childhood - he got a serious eye burn. And all the doctors in our country and in other countries where we sent documents refused, saying that it was impossible to save his eyesight. I couldn't stay with Tema in the hospital all the time, it was forbidden. And when I had to leave, I went to the Donskoy Monastery. I just sat there and cried. It was such a state when there was nowhere to go - because you have to wait for the next appointment time and return to the hospital to the child, and there is nothing to ask for, except for the Lord to give at least some option, so that the impossible happens, so that there is a doctor who save his eyesight.

And then a miracle really happened. We were advised by professors from Rostov-on-Don. After the examination, he said: “There is such an option, such an option and such an option. In each option, such a degree of risk is quite high. Let's take responsibility together or not take it. I am ready to operate on you today at 14:00, but for now, go to the temple, right here, 500 meters away. Pray there, and whatever decision comes to you, return to me with that.” The operation was done, and there was a very big improvement.

These stories, when we receive an incredible, inexplicable miracle, are dangerous, because after that you always start to expect a miracle. And it happens that a miracle simply cannot be given to you. Because there are other tasks, laws, some other solutions.

On the one hand, we are told to be like children. Pray and whatever you ask will be given to you. On the other hand, you can’t, probably, be a capricious child and stomp your feet and ask for something that is not useful to you, that you don’t need.

And now you don't know – to trust, to say like a child: “Lord, please give me this, help this loved one” or to say: “Lord, give me this if it is useful for me”.

My experience of praying for my married husband is just about this. I really wanted Anton to live, so that he would not die. And when everything was already clear, when the doctors said that this type of disease is incurable, I still said that what is impossible for a person is possible for God.

Then I went to one of my favorite saints - to Luka Krymsky in Simferopol - and asked. And I remember that feeling when I asked and felt the answer in my heart. And the answer was “no”. I understood it. Of course, there were no voices in my head, but it was clear: “no”. And it had to be accepted.

Now, months after Anton's departure, I understand how many miracles happened in our family and our environment during the time we saw him off. And his death is also a miracle - bright, deep, with communion, when his beloved bishop arrived, his confessor was nearby, and the whole family was nearby. There was an absolute sense of birth, not death. The birth of a dear person in a new life. Now I understand that we needed it. That it was a gift.

The disease was not defeated, but the miracle happened anyway. We have witnessed an absolutely amazing Christian death.

Prayer is our relationship with the Lord. And this is such an incredibly simple and at the same time complex question. Simple, because everything is said: love and pray. And difficult, because you are never really sure - what you are asking for is really needed? Really good?

I am not very good at praying, I am constantly distracted and unable to concentrate. And at night I often don’t pray, I fall asleep and that’s it. I am one of those prayer books who pray fervently when the pressure is on. Then you pray for real and you get moments of dialogue with the Lord.”

Marina Tikhonova, teacher :

“The most striking experience for me was praying not for a loved one, but for someone else's newborn baby.

When I was in my early 20s, I worked as a nurse in a maternity hospital. Then I had just come to the Church and went through everything that a neophyte is supposed to do - both an ardent desire to pray and a desire to keep all the fasts. But the most important thing is the infinite, unconditional trust in God.

I wore my Orthodoxy, probably, like a pioneer badge. Sometimes, over tea, colleagues asked who I was, where I came from, why, with a higher education, I went to the nurses. I explained, and at the same time said that I was a neophyte in the Church, I sang in the choir. Of course, I considered myself very smart, but I tried to broadcast harmlessly and unobtrusively.

One day a very large baby was born on my shift. It soon became known that he was very ill. I saw that they were fussing around the children's ward, running around. Especially the neonatologist. And then my older sister called me to her and said: “Marina, this is the situation. The kid is really bad. It might not even make it to the morning.” I was surprised - why am I here? I was surprised and immediately understood what they really want from me. The doctor did her job and everyone who could did their job. I could be called for one simple reason - to pray.

Then the older sister said clearly, in a military way: “So, do you have holy water? Bring everything you have in the ward and get up to pray.” It was at night. I called my husband, he brought me holy water to the hospital. With him was an akathist to the Most Holy Theotokos. I armed myself with all this and went to the ward.

The baby's mother was sitting near the ward. I didn’t have my own children then, but I imagined myself in her place, and I really wanted to do something for her. I hesitated for a couple of seconds, and then handed her an akathist. She said as softly as possible that, they say, if it makes you feel better, please read it. If not, don't do anything, it's optional. She took it and began to read.

The baby was really big, almost five kilograms. When I entered the room, he looked quite normal, but then he began to choke. I saw that literally in front of my eyes a person is between life and death.

I sprinkled the cauldron with holy water (I couldn't do any harm - it's completely closed), stood next to me and began to pray. It was really hot, from the heart. And a bit of a soldier, because I felt like a bit of a soldier.

She stood like that for several hours. Our neonatologist did her job all this time, the whole nightstand nearby was just lined with empty medicine vials, and I read all the prayers that I knew, prayed in my own words, then again by heart, lost my way, started again. I understood that it doesn’t matter what I say, because the main thing is not to be silent. I looked at this baby and with all my being asked God that he would survive. And at the same time she said: “Lord, Thy will be done.” It was very difficult.

Even as a neophyte, I understood that prayer is not a spell. I remembered all my sins. Do I have the right to ask?

I kept looking at the baby. Watching and not being afraid, too, at that moment seemed to me part of this important matter. I asked: “Please let this child live now. May he survive the night." We knew that in the morning he would be taken to the intensive care unit in a neighboring town, where everything was needed. And he has to wait.

That the Lord is always near, that He is in the midst of us in general - I never had any doubts about this. Will He listen to me, will He answer me - that was the big question.

The baby survived. In the morning he was taken to the intensive care unit. Mom returned the akathist to me. I don't remember this mother's face at all. In general, from that night I remember only silhouettes and a feeling of warmth from everyone. It was as if everything was under God's protection… Yes, it was! By morning, the baby's condition stabilized, and he was taken to intensive care alive. What is this if not a miracle?

At that moment, I realized that it was okay to ask like this and pray like that. There are prayers that we read in the morning, in the evening, somehow “plannedly” we thank God or turn to him. And there is also such a special state - a very strong prayer. I didn’t know this before, but then I had such an experience.

In the morning, when we learned that the baby was alive, it was such a joy - like Christmas or Easter. We understood: the Lord has been here with us.”

Svetlana Kameneva, artist :

“Three years ago my husband's friend Marcel came to us from Ufa. His daughter was diagnosed with cancer. She studied at MGIMO, she herself entered the budget, and suddenly - this.

He called us in total desperation and said that he wanted to get away from it all a little. Of course, we invited him to our place, we then settled in a small seaside town.

Marseille arrived on Friday, November 16, 2018, and we had a long, long conversation at the barbecue. He is a wealthy man, and if there were no quota, he would still have money for treatment. And then he said: “No money is needed, all this is so perishable, it is so unimportant when the life of your child is in danger.” He had tears in his eyes. And my husband and I were very sad about all this.

Then I was a completely unchurched person. Moreover, I taught courses on self-development, meditation. It was very profitable: many people want to solve their problems without putting much effort.

When we saw Marseille off early on Sunday morning, for some reason I said to my husband: “Listen, today is Sunday, there must be a service in the Church. Let me go and pray."

In our church there is a miraculous icon of the healer Panteleimon. When, before that incident, the only time I went in and venerated this icon, the Lord sent us a daughter. And this time I came to this icon, asked, prayed. And at some point, just all covered with goosebumps. Some incredible feeling.

And on Tuesday or Wednesday, Marcel called and, out of emotion, could not immediately explain what had happened. He just repeated: “Guys, this is not cancer!” It turned out that my daughter had an operation and no cancer was found. Three years have passed, the girl is doing well.

Everything seems to have come together in a single chain, like puzzles in a picture. It was clear that I had no right not to come, not to thank God. I came to the temple on Saturday, prayed, said “thank you”. Then I stand and think - maybe confess? I took it and confessed. And then the priest says to me: “Are you for communion?” No, I say, I didn’t prepare, I didn’t even think. And he said to me: “You know, you will fast for several days and come and take communion.”

The Advent fast began next week. I never held it and generally considered it some kind of obscurantism or something. Like this? There will be a New Year, but I can’t eat anything tasty? Oh no! And at that time I was flooded with such gratitude that I simply could not do otherwise.

What happened to our friend's daughter was a real miracle. And this miracle became ours, too, a miracle that changed our family and our whole life. A year later, my husband became a church member, and we can no longer imagine ourselves outside the Church.

Now I know that the Lord always hears us. And when we pray, and our troubles do not disappear, He also hears. And he goes through everything with us.”

Collages by Tatyana Sokolova

Healing / Pravoslavie.Ru

Few people believe in miracles these days, and it's hard to convince modern man in that they happen. And that is not less, I, a modern man, must tell about a miracle, happened to me and try to find simple persuasive words - without anything that can seem false, contrived, or at least slightly completed.

This happened a few years ago, and I, a writer Alexander Segen, until now he did not dare to write witness a miracle, limited to oral stories. I have always been stopped by the thought: either frankly do not believe, or only pretend that believed. Or they don't believe.

Since the spring of that year, my heel began to hurt. I don't particularly worried. It will pass. But it did not pass, but, on the contrary, it hurt getting stronger and stronger. I had to go to the doctors. They set different diagnoses, prescribed ointments, pills, but nothing helped.

In the summer, my son Kolya and I were going to go to three weeks in Gurzuf, and I thought about the sea - it often saved, many sores healed when you swim a lot long days, like on the coastal pebbles. But also the sea this time it did not help, and when it came time to leave, I could not step on the heel at all, it caused such hellish pain every step.

We arrived from Gurzuf to Simferopol; three hours, three o'clock.

- We must go on foot to the saint Luke,” I announced my decision to my son.

- What a walk! Nicholas doubted. - You can't walk, daddy.

I almost never dared to disturb the saints with requests for his disposition in life. Only occasionally. When should Kolya was to be born, a caesarean section was scheduled for 1 June, and this freethinker decided that it was time for him, and began demand release on the morning of 31 May. I, having learned about it phone, got scared and ran to the Church of the Nativity of Christ in village of Izmailovo, knelt before the icon of St. Nicholas and prayed for a long time. At some point I it seemed that St. Nicholas smiled at me. I hurried home, called the maternity hospital and found out about the safe running out.

- No, you have to go.

Let's at least take a taxi.

No, just walking.

Relics of St. Luke (Voino-Yasenetsky)
And we, leaving things in left-luggage office, went to the healer Luka (Voino-Yasenetsky). From the station to Holy Trinity Cathedral, in which, after canonization in the face of saints the relics of the saint rest, on foot, if with cheerful feet, minutes 15; if with a tired step, then 20-25 minutes. I, leaning on his son, he dragged himself for more than an hour, sweating from pain, but overcame it by talking about the person to whom we walked. I talked about how born in the family Catholics Valentin Feliksovich Voyno-Yasenetsky in his youth was fond of Tolstoyanism, then, in spite of the protests parents, accepted Orthodoxy; about how famous he became a doctor already in his youth, how, having mourned his wife, bore him four children, took monastic vows. While in Tashkent, he was recruited as an expert in one court case, and a well-known Chekist executioner Peters asked him: “Tell me, pop and professor Voyno-Yasenetsky, how do you believe in God, into the immortality of the soul? Have you seen God? And when you did chest surgery, did you see soul?" "No," he answered calmly. healer, - I did not see God and the soul. But more than once I performed a trepanation of the skull, and the mind also did not saw".

For bold judgments and statements, Valentin Feliksovich, and in hierarchical rank - Bishop Luke, was arrested and 11 spent years in camps and exile. And during the war years he came out work "Essays on purulent surgery", thanks to which saved tens, if not hundreds of thousands of lives Soviet soldiers. And for this healing book, he, a recent a prisoner of the Gulag, was awarded the Stalin Prize 1st degree!..

We talked about all this with my son, slowly dragging ourselves to Holy Trinity Church, and finally got there. There I stood up knees before the tomb of the saint and prayed to him without tiring too long a request. Bought the oil consecrated on the relics saint, and a flannel footcloth, which I was advised wrap the sore spot after oiling.

The journey from the temple to the train station was even more tiring. I have no longer had the strength to talk about anything. I don't know why but I I decided to smear my leg with oil already upon arrival in Moscow. We are with Kolya returned on Sunday afternoon. In the evening I remembered oil. Hand on heart: I didn’t really believe in a miracle, although the hope of the saint's help glimmered in the heart. Well, I thought it would ease the pain a little...

What happened next was that I literally words stirred on the head of the hair, and ran over the skin goosebumps.

As soon as I smeared my foot with oil, a certain gratifying seething: like in a glass where they just poured champagne or narzan, thousands of bubbles ran inside, and in a matter of seconds, the pain disappeared, dissolved into this marvelous effervescence.

I wrapped my leg with a flannel footcloth, walked back and forth. Great, no pain! I couldn't believe my sensations. I was afraid to tell Kolya. Moreover, through half an hour the pain returned, and an hour later it again became unbearable.

I woke up in the middle of the night and put on my smear again. And it happened again same thing. Only the seething was not so lively this time. The pain went away, I lay down and tried to sleep until I got sick.

When I woke up early in the morning, I felt almost no pain, but everything still once again smeared the heel. Now almost none champagne and narzan. It just got easier.

I liked walking my son to school in the morning. We always talked about something interesting and pleasant. Wednesday, on the third day after our return with him from the Crimea, we left the house and I said:

“Nikolasha, do you want me to show you a miracle?”

- Which?

– But look!

I famously ran 100 meters forward and just ran back.

- And where is the miracle?

- Well, hello, muzzle! And a few days back…

- Wow, right!

- Did you see it?

- I saw.

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