Worried about my brother
I'm worried about my brother : nosleep
My older brother stays in his room all the time. Like, all the time. He doesn't even come out for dinner anymore. My mom started leaving a plate in the hall for him a week or two ago. When I walk past his room at night before bed, the plate is still there, full of food. In the morning, the plate is there, but empty.
I never hear him use the bathroom, but it smells in there. I asked my dad if Damon is pissing in jars, but he acted like he didn't hear me. That's the same thing I would do if I had a kid who was pissing in jars, tbh, but it's still pretty seriously subpar parenting.
Before we came to Colorado, Damon was totally normal. He was going into his senior year of high school and he was mad smart. His GPA was like a 9. Then we got here and he straight up deteriorated.
He stopped going to class. He stopped showering, he stopped talking and then? Then he just stopped leaving his room.
"Do we have a long history of mental illness in the family?" I asked my mom one night.
"Your Aunt Betsy gets haldol injections monthly, Dejuan. You remember Aunt Betsy?"
"She smell like cigarette and talk about the NSA?"
"Guess you remember, then." My mom frowned at the water boiling on the stove, dumping in more salt.
"So, maybe that's what happened to Damon," I said. I watched her arrange chemical orange chicken fingers and neon green steam fresh broccoli on a plate. "You think he needs help? Hallucinations run in families. At least, that's what I hear."
"I can't talk now," she sighed. "Let me go take him his dinner."
She walked out of the kitchen. In the other room, my dad sat covered in shadows from the television as it blared blue light.
Damon might not have been getting injections, but something was happening. One night, a little after three am, I woke up to a noise outside. I got up out of bed, which felt impossible, in that the room was ice cold, and staggered to the window.
Parked on the street outside our random nondescript suburban home was a black van with blacked out windows.
I heard it start with a coughing roar in the frozen air and I watched it drive off, up the hill and out of our neighborhood. The moon was out that night and shone hard, all over the new white snow. Everything looked so bright and untouched.
That's when I noticed it: a series of footprints, leading from our front door to where the van had been parked.
There were other things. Somedays when I would get home from school, the house would smell weird, like paint. Or something like paint. We kept getting packages from UPS. My mom always seemed stressed. My dad was never around. I would hear him coming in at ten at night and he was gone before I would wake up for class at six ten.
"Maybe your parents are getting a divorce," said Kory when I told him. "But then I don't know why he's coming home at night. If he fucking somebody other than your mom."
"Fuck you, man," I whispered. We were in the school library, standing in the back, leaning on the stacks. The computers were already all occupied and we were killing time.
"He isn't, like, sleeping with somebody."
"Nobody likes to think of they dad fucking but that happens, bro. Happens for real."
"Is that what you're dad did?"
"Fuck no," he said. "My dad and mom love the shit out of each other. I'm just saying you guys moved here, your brother went crazy? That's a lot of shit for a marriage to handle, you know?"
"I know," I sighed. Someone got up from the computers. "Are we next? Somebody got up."
"There are like forty thousand people ahead of us still."
"Damn."
"Why'd you come here anyway? This town sucks," Kory said.
"My dad got a job here," I shrugged.
"What's he do anyway?"
"You know what," I said slowly. "I don't think I even know."
The weekend after that, my dad had to go out of town. The night before he left, I was up texting some girl in my hometown. After we finished talking, it was almost three in the morning. I couldn't sleep because endorphins and that feel of possibly not dying alone you get when you talk to someone pretty who seems to think about you when you aren't there.
Laying in bed, I felt I could levitate. Then I heard the noise.
It was our front door opening.
The door closed, quietly. I heard footsteps from the living room into the hallway. The footsteps came to my door. It didn't sound like one person. It sounded like two or three. My doorknob started to turn slowly, ever so slowly.
"No," a voice I recognized as my hissed. "Not that door. It's the next one."
The tiny sliver of light that had wedged itself into my room vanished as the door closed again, tightly. I heard the footsteps traipse down the hall. I heard my brothers door open and close. Then, a sound I didn't recognize. Like a machine? A strange low humming.
I didn't get out of bed. I didn't move. After a few moments, the machine noise stopped. The footsteps went back by my door, headed out, into the living room and the exit.
"Is this going to be enough?" I heard my dad mumble.
"You don't ask questions," a strange deep voice said. "Not now."
I went to my window.
Two figures in dark clothes walked out together and into the van I that I knew would be parked there. I watched my father as he stood on the front lawn in the white snow, watching them leave.
He left the next day. I didn't see him before he went. I couldn't have handled it. I was pacing in my room, listening to John Cale songs on repeat on YouTube, when my mom knocked on the door. She told me she had to go to the grocery store and she'd be back in a half hour.
"And remember Dejuan: don't bother your brother."
As soon as her car was in the road, I was at his door.
I was shaking. My mouth was dry. My stomach felt sick and twisted up.
I knocked on the door.
"Damon? You in there?"
Silence. Not a single noise.
"Damon? It's Dejuan, bro. You — you ok, man?"
No noise.
"I'm going to open the door, ok, man? I need to see if you ok, man. You know?"
Nothing.
"Shit," I whispered, "here I go."
I opened the door.
All the walls were painted: strange murals with nazis and dead kids.
A blue horse statue stood in one corner of the room. There were weird machines blinking and humming everywhere. The room smelled like circuitry and paint. Cords ran from them and into my brother.
Into his arms, his mouth, his eyes. The cords wrapped around him like horrible metal snakes as he sat, tied up by them in an office chair.
Beside him was a computer monitor steaming numbers which formed themselves into a uncanny valley version of Damon's face.
"Dejuan," a synthetic voice said from speakers somewhere in the room. "Good to see you bro but guess what? I'm not ok."
Part Two: https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/3b9awo/im_worried_about_my_brother_part_two/
Part Three: https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/3bg3cr/im_worried_about_my_brother_part_three/
Part Four: https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/3bvp3j/im_worried_about_my_brother_part_four_final_part/
How do I stop worrying about my brother (and his future) and learn to trust him again? : Advice
So, I have an older brother (22M) who I (20M) am really concerned about and have been for the past year.
Basically, he was going to university for a couple of years and eventually flunked out of school because he did not want to continue his major and he felt like he didn't want anyone to know he was struggling with that (along with pretty severe depression and other medical issues I don't need to get into). He basically lied whenever we asked anything about how his schooling was going since he felt like it was his personal business (however my parents are going to be stuck with some of the debt from loans) along with a large amount of shame, which I think makes sense, but doesn't justify those actions to me at all. My parents and I eventually found out of course, and he was already extremely depressed and that caused him to go to a breaking point, so he went inpatient at a psychiatric hospital for a while and did some serious therapy and whatnot. We were all obviously extremely worried, but wanted to help get his life back on track. However, even though this was the case I lost a mass amount of trust with him, however after the inpatient stuff he seemed to be doing much better and decided to start over school pursuing a different degree he was interested in.
My dad fortunately works at a community college so my brother decided to start over with school there last fall, and since my dad worked there we were privileged enough so that he did not have to pay for anything but books. However, it turns out he literally did not go to any of his classes at the community college and flunked them all, and he doesn't even seem to know why either. He literally could have just withdrew but decided to fail them all anyways. Because of this, my parents and my brother made an agreement that my Mom would consistently check in with his schoolwork to keep him on track for this semester. So far he seems to at least be doing the work, however he is still struggling with classwork and whatnot, and he failed his first exam. He seems to not want any help from me (I do pretty well with my studies so I have offered to help him study several times).
I feel almost guilty in general (even though I understand that is pretty irrational) since I couldn't and really cannot do anything to help him much.
I really do not have much faith in him to do the work, but I know he is able to do it if he really puts his mind to it (he is pretty smart honestly), but I don't think he has faith in himself either, and that really worries me. I have a really difficult time not worrying about it and rationalizing he is the one making his choices and I can't do anything about it. I just feel really lost and I feel like I borderline obsessed with the thought that I can't help and he is (seemingly) throwing this opportunity away. Things got worse now since my dad got laid off from the college recently, so now he is going to need to go to another school if he even continues to do school in the first place, and because of that it will cost him. I just want him to succeed and find his own way, especially since he keeps saying he wants to be independent and get out of living with my parents and do his own thing, but with the way things are going I don't think that will happen without some serious change, and I don't trust him to do it by himself.
I just want to help, but I really don't know what to do, and it is severely impacting my own mental health since I am constantly anxious about it. Any advice would help, thanks.
TL;DR My older brother consistently lied to my family and I in order to not disappoint us because he was flunking school, he is now trying to get his life back on track, but I don't trust he is able to do it by himself, and I need help trying to stop worrying about his decisions and let him live his life, and also find the best way to support him to finding his own path to support himself and be happy. Any sort of advice would be much appreciated.
I am very worried about my younger brother. What do you think is wrong with him and how can you help him? Question
I'm very worried about my younger brother. What do you think is wrong with him and how can you help him? — QuestionerMP
Mikhail Panov
My brother is already 21, I’m already 26, I moved out of my parents’ house to my husband about 3 years ago, and my brother still lives with his parents in his room, no, he’s not a mother’s son, he doesn’t sit on his neck, he works, he provides himself with what you need (food, life, etc.
), your share per sq. pays parents. But the fact is that in his 20s he is very closed, he doesn’t have a girlfriend and never had one, he doesn’t have any friends either (they used to be at school, although not enough) On weekends, instead of taking a walk, he spends at the computer sitting on the Internet or cleaned, rarely goes out alone for a couple of hours to walk around the area. Unlike me, he did not enter a university because he studied at 3, but completed some courses, received crusts that were not useful to him, and began to work ... He receives little, everything goes to basic needs and rent ... My husband and parents and I somehow tried to pull him out of this, hinted that he needed to unwind, but he didn’t want to, I didn’t want to say, or rather, I couldn’t. Parents have already reconciled, but I feel sorry for him, all the same, my brother, but what awaits him next? There is no girl, respectively, and there will be no wife and children, and he will live closed, useless, with the salary of a small seller.
How can you help a young guy? Maybe a good lead to psychologists? Or something else?
- brother
- help
Inessa Redkina
probably did not receive something from his parents in childhood and adolescence. they just don't get closed.
take him to a psychologist, maybe then he will pull him out into the light.
Pa
Pavel
It is necessary to convince him to enter a technical school or institute, for example, a trade one, where he likes it more. . Maybe even for a fee - to agree with the parents that they will help. . You probably convinced him that he is a C student in life, but this is not so! C's often come out with something worthwhile, and A's often end up in a ditch with their own pretensions. My husband graduated from college at 40, and your brother is only 20! Talk to him more often on this topic, push, convince him of his strength! You just have to want!
Roma
Much can be done FOR a person and even FOR him.
It’s impossible to make you want, I haven’t seen or heard anything like that.
SM
Svetka Matveeva
d. and psychologists understand this more. the idea is not bad.
GD
Georgy Dymov
the voice of one crying in the wilderness, she already! 26!, and he is already 21 - it's time for a psychologist, but isn't it time for you to see a psychiatrist, leave the guy alone
AS
Alexander Sergeev
get off the guy. At 21, people don't change.
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I'm worried about my lonely older brother.
Worried about being alone... Cross
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9000 #3
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Aurora
Introduce? What city does he live in?
#7
#8
Maybe he himself is going through, and you will put pressure on the sore spot.
If you believe in God, then pray for him. If not, just sincerely wish him to build a good relationship with someone. But don't hurt him with your attempts to help
#9
Guest
Does your brother really need girls? Maybe they don't interest him at all.
#10
#11
You won't be able to heal him. August 30, 2020 04:37 PM What city does he live in?
#13
To live life wisely, you need to know a lot.
Remember two important rules to start with:
You'd rather starve than eat anything,
And it's better to be alone than with just anyone.
And modern aunts are definitely stinky with just anyone.
#14
Maria
0002 What makes you think he needs your help? He's a big boy, he'll take care of himself. Maybe he has a girlfriend, but he doesn't want to introduce her to his family.
#16
Maria
It is ridiculous, given that he is very smart
#17
Chellov ★
22 I would be happy for the person.
To live life wisely, you need to know a lot.
Remember two important rules to start with:
You'd rather starve than eat anything,
And it's better to be alone than with anyone.
And modern aunts are definitely stinky with just anyone.
#18
Aurora
And how old are you? I am 34. Novosib
#19
Maria
The girl can be. But if I introduce him, he will be forced to be serious, maybe something serious will grow out of this.
And just like that, given his independent nature, not romanticism, then there are no guarantees at all that he will start a family.
#20
Aurora
He's not a lawyer by any chance?
#21
Maria
MD-shnik?
Just a thinking man.
#22
Guest
This is his life, he decides whether he needs a family or not.
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#23
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9000 #25000
Mary
In general, he says little about work. Studied as an engineer, this is beyond my understanding. I remember when I was younger, I talked a lot about physics and mathematics, but I listened and didn’t understand anything)0009
Husband left, 2 months of depression... How will you cope if you are left all alone?
156 answers
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9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 #29
ChelLove ★ ★ ★
Just what? What nafik MD-shnik?
Just a thinking man.
There was a topic there, well, after crests and Belarusians were already shown, well, as usual, that they say the aunts completely fucked up mercantile_creatures.
And there they showed a chat roulette of a daring one.
Who would have thought that such a day would come.
Aunts will be slandered on the central TV.
#30
#31
Chellov ★ ★
Aunts, and you saw a daring provocateur at 60 minutes central TV.
There was a topic there, well, after crests and Belarusians were already shown, well, as usual, that they say the aunts completely fucked up mercantile_creatures.
And there they showed a chat roulette of a daring one.
Who would have thought that such a day would come.
Aunts will be slandered on the central TV.
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Maria
222 The girl may be. But if I introduce him, he will be forced to be serious, maybe something serious will grow out of this.
And just like that, given his independent nature, not romanticism, then there are no guarantees at all that he will start a family.
#35
Maria
I'm worried about his future. Now he is independent, strong as a stone. And what will happen in 20 years? He's my brother
#36
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22 22 22 22 22
-- I know a lot of guys with exactly the same problems.
