Will therapy help me


Do I Need Therapy? Will Therapy Help?

People seek therapy for a number of reasons, from day-to-day stress to marital troubles to phobias and harmful habits. When it comes to seeking help, no problem is too big or too small.

This list includes an overview of some of the most common reasons why people seek therapy.

Substance use — whether it’s alcohol, tobacco, or drugs — is often a way of coping with an unresolved problem. The same is true of behaviors such as problem gambling and bingeing and purging.

A psychologist can help address both the problem behavior and its root cause, whether it’s stress, depression, or childhood experiences.

Psychologists also provide support for family members dealing with a loved one’s addiction. Individual and group therapy can help family members and caregivers better understand how best to support their loved one’s recovery while also coping with their own feelings.

It’s not unusual to experience stress associated with certain situations, like a performance review, a first date, or a school presentation. A therapist will work with you to identify sources of stress in your life and can help you build healthy coping strategies.

It’s also worth seeking help if you’re having difficulty managing day-to-day anxiety and stress. Chronic stress and anxiety can lead to other problems, such as sleep issues, unhealthy habits, and depression. While anxiety may never completely go away, you can learn ways to manage its symptoms.

In some cases, a therapist acts as a coach, helping you to recognize your full potential, work on communication skills, and find motivation. For many people, talking with a therapist can help them to see their problems more clearly and take action.

It’s not the same as talking with a friend. Psychologists are trained to be careful and unbiased listeners. When appropriate, your therapist might challenge you to recognize thought or relationship patterns that aren’t helping you move forward.

Depression is one of the most common health concerns in the United States, affecting people of all genders, ages, and races. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), 17.3 million adults in the United States experienced at least one episode of major depression in 2017.

Depression makes it hard to function on a day-to-day basis. It can affect your work, relationships, sleep, energy levels, and appetite. Often, it causes overpowering feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and guilt.

Therapy can help you explore the cause of depression and manage your symptoms, which can provide relief.

The death of a spouse, a parent, a child, or a friend can be difficult to deal with on your own. Even when you give yourself the time and the space to mourn, grief doesn’t have a timeline. Denial can cause grief and related problems to linger.

Speaking with a psychologist about what you’re feeling can help you find closure.

And because grief can be the result of other experiences in life outside of death, talking with a therapist can help you understand and work through what is related to your grief.

Any serious illness, whether your own or a loved one’s, can be devastating. You might feel a range of emotions, from anger and denial to sadness and regret. Therapy can help you to cope with emotions and symptoms caused by your illness.

The same applies to mental illnesses. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), mental illnesses affect an estimated one in five Americans every year. A mental illness can be a lot to deal with on your own.

Effective, evidence-based psychological treatments are available for most mental health issues.

From the fear of pregnancy and childbirth (tokophobia) to anxiety disorders such as agoraphobia, phobias cause legitimate emotional distress. Most people cope by avoiding what they fear, which can seriously restrict their everyday activities.

Even seemingly small fears, such as the fear of spiders (arachnophobia) or the fear of flowers, can be serious enough to impact everyday functioning.

Psychologists who specialize in treating phobias can help you recognize and tackle your fears using techniques such as exposure therapy and talk therapy.

Relationships can have a significant impact on how you feel. This includes your relationships with your family members, colleagues, romantic partners, and friends.

It’s not uncommon to seek help dealing with a relationship that has become a source of anxiety or distress. Therapy can help you to better understand and nurture the relationships that are important to you.

In addition to working one-on-one with clients, many psychologists also offer therapy for couples, families, and even co-workers.

Insomnia can seriously impact your everyday life, leaving you feeling drowsy in the daytime and wide awake at night.

It often has an underlying cause. While medication can help you sleep better, it won’t help you resolve whatever’s causing your insomnia.

According to the Mayo Clinic, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is an effective non-drug treatment for insomnia. Look for a cognitive behavioral psychologist who specializes in treating insomnia.

Life threatening events, such as crimes, accidents, and natural disasters, can stay with you long after they’re over. In time, a traumatic event can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

PTSD causes symptoms such as flashbacks, avoidance, and emotional distress. It can affect all people, including children.

Psychotherapy is an effective treatment for PTSD. Psychologists use techniques such as cognitive processing therapy (CPT) and stress inoculation training (SIT) to help clients manage PTSD symptoms.

Psychologists aren’t only there to help after a problem becomes overwhelming. They can also help you plan for exciting but challenging life changes, such as moving cities, starting your own business, having a baby, or transitioning.

Taking a proactive approach can help you put your best foot forward, much in the same way that an athlete trains for a sporting event.

There are a variety of healthcare providers available for individual, couple’s, marriage, and family therapy. They typically provide counseling services and are sometimes trained to diagnose mental illnesses or administer diagnostic tests.

These providers include:

  • Psychiatrists. Psychiatrists are medical doctors that specialize in diagnosing and treating psychiatric disorders. They can prescribe medication, but they don’t typically offer counseling services.
  • Psychologists. Psychologists also diagnose and treat psychiatric conditions. They typically offer counseling services and other forms of therapy. Psychologists are typically not licensed to prescribe medication as part of their work. They often work closely with other healthcare providers who can.
  • Psychiatric nurse practitioners. These professionals offer counseling, education, and can prescribe medication in some states.
  • Counselors. Counselors include licensed professional counselors (LPCs), mental health counselors, alcohol and drug use counselors, veterans counselors, and pastoral counselors, among other types. They offer counseling targeted towards their area of specialization. Some are able to diagnose and treat certain conditions, but they can’t prescribe medication.
  • Clinical social workers. These professionals hold a master’s degree in social work. They can provide individual and group counseling but can’t prescribe medication.

It isn’t always evident which professional you should choose. It will depend not only on your needs, access to health insurance, and budget, but also on factors beyond your control, such as specialists in your area. Keep in mind that online therapy is also available.

Looking for ways to support your mental health and well-being? Try Healthline’s FindCare tool to connect with mental health professionals nearby or virtually so you can get the care you need.

  • Start with a healthcare provider. One step to finding help is to contact your family doctor to discuss your options. A general physician such as a family doctor can give you an overview of what’s available and possibly provide you with a referral.
  • Ask friends, family, classmates, or colleagues. Friends and family may also be able to refer you to a therapist.
  • Check with your insurance provider. If you have health insurance, you’ll want to contact your provider to find out more about what’s covered. Your provider should be able to give you contact information for therapists in your area.
  • Look for a therapist online. Use a reliable database, such as the Psychologist Locator from the American Psychological Association (APA) or SAMHSA’s Behavioral Health Treatment Services Locator.

Scheduling an appointment is a great start. Finding the right therapist for you will likely mean meeting with more than one provider over time. If it’s your first time ever meeting with a therapist, keep in mind that just because things don’t click with them doesn’t mean therapy doesn’t work for you. Talk with a different therapist.

If you feel discouraged, keep in mind that it’s worth it to put in the time to find someone who can support you over the long term. With the right therapist, you should be able to build trust.

Read this article in Spanish.

Do I Need Therapy? Will Therapy Help?

People seek therapy for a number of reasons, from day-to-day stress to marital troubles to phobias and harmful habits. When it comes to seeking help, no problem is too big or too small.

This list includes an overview of some of the most common reasons why people seek therapy.

Substance use — whether it’s alcohol, tobacco, or drugs — is often a way of coping with an unresolved problem. The same is true of behaviors such as problem gambling and bingeing and purging.

A psychologist can help address both the problem behavior and its root cause, whether it’s stress, depression, or childhood experiences.

Psychologists also provide support for family members dealing with a loved one’s addiction. Individual and group therapy can help family members and caregivers better understand how best to support their loved one’s recovery while also coping with their own feelings.

It’s not unusual to experience stress associated with certain situations, like a performance review, a first date, or a school presentation. A therapist will work with you to identify sources of stress in your life and can help you build healthy coping strategies.

It’s also worth seeking help if you’re having difficulty managing day-to-day anxiety and stress. Chronic stress and anxiety can lead to other problems, such as sleep issues, unhealthy habits, and depression. While anxiety may never completely go away, you can learn ways to manage its symptoms.

In some cases, a therapist acts as a coach, helping you to recognize your full potential, work on communication skills, and find motivation. For many people, talking with a therapist can help them to see their problems more clearly and take action.

It’s not the same as talking with a friend. Psychologists are trained to be careful and unbiased listeners. When appropriate, your therapist might challenge you to recognize thought or relationship patterns that aren’t helping you move forward.

Depression is one of the most common health concerns in the United States, affecting people of all genders, ages, and races. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), 17.3 million adults in the United States experienced at least one episode of major depression in 2017.

Depression makes it hard to function on a day-to-day basis. It can affect your work, relationships, sleep, energy levels, and appetite. Often, it causes overpowering feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and guilt.

Therapy can help you explore the cause of depression and manage your symptoms, which can provide relief.

The death of a spouse, a parent, a child, or a friend can be difficult to deal with on your own. Even when you give yourself the time and the space to mourn, grief doesn’t have a timeline. Denial can cause grief and related problems to linger.

Speaking with a psychologist about what you’re feeling can help you find closure.

And because grief can be the result of other experiences in life outside of death, talking with a therapist can help you understand and work through what is related to your grief.

Any serious illness, whether your own or a loved one’s, can be devastating. You might feel a range of emotions, from anger and denial to sadness and regret. Therapy can help you to cope with emotions and symptoms caused by your illness.

The same applies to mental illnesses. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), mental illnesses affect an estimated one in five Americans every year. A mental illness can be a lot to deal with on your own.

Effective, evidence-based psychological treatments are available for most mental health issues.

From the fear of pregnancy and childbirth (tokophobia) to anxiety disorders such as agoraphobia, phobias cause legitimate emotional distress. Most people cope by avoiding what they fear, which can seriously restrict their everyday activities.

Even seemingly small fears, such as the fear of spiders (arachnophobia) or the fear of flowers, can be serious enough to impact everyday functioning.

Psychologists who specialize in treating phobias can help you recognize and tackle your fears using techniques such as exposure therapy and talk therapy.

Relationships can have a significant impact on how you feel. This includes your relationships with your family members, colleagues, romantic partners, and friends.

It’s not uncommon to seek help dealing with a relationship that has become a source of anxiety or distress. Therapy can help you to better understand and nurture the relationships that are important to you.

In addition to working one-on-one with clients, many psychologists also offer therapy for couples, families, and even co-workers.

Insomnia can seriously impact your everyday life, leaving you feeling drowsy in the daytime and wide awake at night.

It often has an underlying cause. While medication can help you sleep better, it won’t help you resolve whatever’s causing your insomnia.

According to the Mayo Clinic, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is an effective non-drug treatment for insomnia. Look for a cognitive behavioral psychologist who specializes in treating insomnia.

Life threatening events, such as crimes, accidents, and natural disasters, can stay with you long after they’re over. In time, a traumatic event can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

PTSD causes symptoms such as flashbacks, avoidance, and emotional distress. It can affect all people, including children.

Psychotherapy is an effective treatment for PTSD. Psychologists use techniques such as cognitive processing therapy (CPT) and stress inoculation training (SIT) to help clients manage PTSD symptoms.

Psychologists aren’t only there to help after a problem becomes overwhelming. They can also help you plan for exciting but challenging life changes, such as moving cities, starting your own business, having a baby, or transitioning.

Taking a proactive approach can help you put your best foot forward, much in the same way that an athlete trains for a sporting event.

There are a variety of healthcare providers available for individual, couple’s, marriage, and family therapy. They typically provide counseling services and are sometimes trained to diagnose mental illnesses or administer diagnostic tests.

These providers include:

  • Psychiatrists. Psychiatrists are medical doctors that specialize in diagnosing and treating psychiatric disorders. They can prescribe medication, but they don’t typically offer counseling services.
  • Psychologists. Psychologists also diagnose and treat psychiatric conditions. They typically offer counseling services and other forms of therapy. Psychologists are typically not licensed to prescribe medication as part of their work. They often work closely with other healthcare providers who can.
  • Psychiatric nurse practitioners. These professionals offer counseling, education, and can prescribe medication in some states.
  • Counselors. Counselors include licensed professional counselors (LPCs), mental health counselors, alcohol and drug use counselors, veterans counselors, and pastoral counselors, among other types. They offer counseling targeted towards their area of specialization. Some are able to diagnose and treat certain conditions, but they can’t prescribe medication.
  • Clinical social workers. These professionals hold a master’s degree in social work. They can provide individual and group counseling but can’t prescribe medication.

It isn’t always evident which professional you should choose. It will depend not only on your needs, access to health insurance, and budget, but also on factors beyond your control, such as specialists in your area. Keep in mind that online therapy is also available.

Looking for ways to support your mental health and well-being? Try Healthline’s FindCare tool to connect with mental health professionals nearby or virtually so you can get the care you need.

  • Start with a healthcare provider. One step to finding help is to contact your family doctor to discuss your options. A general physician such as a family doctor can give you an overview of what’s available and possibly provide you with a referral.
  • Ask friends, family, classmates, or colleagues. Friends and family may also be able to refer you to a therapist.
  • Check with your insurance provider. If you have health insurance, you’ll want to contact your provider to find out more about what’s covered. Your provider should be able to give you contact information for therapists in your area.
  • Look for a therapist online. Use a reliable database, such as the Psychologist Locator from the American Psychological Association (APA) or SAMHSA’s Behavioral Health Treatment Services Locator.

Scheduling an appointment is a great start. Finding the right therapist for you will likely mean meeting with more than one provider over time. If it’s your first time ever meeting with a therapist, keep in mind that just because things don’t click with them doesn’t mean therapy doesn’t work for you. Talk with a different therapist.

If you feel discouraged, keep in mind that it’s worth it to put in the time to find someone who can support you over the long term. With the right therapist, you should be able to build trust.

Read this article in Spanish.

Does psychotherapy help? |

- Will psychotherapy help me?

I am often asked if psychoanalytic psychotherapy helps? Will working with you help me?

As a rule, I avoid giving a direct answer, and I do this not only because of modesty))) I usually ask how the client himself thinks or say: “Let's see” ... I do this in order not to give “ extra hope”, not to become a mission and a savior in his eyes.

High expectations at the beginning of work usually lead to idealization, and then, when the client is truly immersed in his inner world, to deepest disappointment and feelings of despair and hopelessness. It often happens that these feelings cannot be experienced, and this leads to a break in therapy. Often this happens quite quickly, in the first sessions, when there is no deep trust yet, and the therapeutic relationship has not been formed, and the fear of sinking into the unconscious and beginning the transference is frightening. For many people, this is generally a habitual style of behavior: to be fascinated, carried away, inspired, and then disappointed, devalue and quit ...

So how is it possible to answer this question: "Does psychotherapy help?" Here, on paper, where there is enough time and space. On the one hand, it would seem that one could answer here: “Yes, it helps,” and explain why ... But this would be too simple an answer, and in psychoanalysis we cannot be satisfied with simple superficial answers, we need a deeper understanding. Therefore, I propose to reformulate the question a little, for example: “Will psychotherapy help me?” To the question: "Will you be able to accept psychotherapeutic help and use it. " This question more accurately reflects the essence of what is happening.

Often, coming to psychotherapy, people expect that they will be treated according to a certain method (as in classical medicine) and that they will be cured without inner consent and desire, literally “forcibly” relieved of tormenting symptoms. Indeed, in childhood, children are often forcibly treated when they want to get sick, hide in a disease from the difficulties of life ... A disease, both mental and physical, is usually a kind of mental refuge from the difficulties of life, or rather, from internal conflicts and experiencing feelings, this life called.

It is this model of interaction between a child and parents that clients often try to play, asking if psychotherapy will help them. But the task of our work in psychoanalytic psychotherapy is to avoid acting out and to approach the understanding of what is happening in the unconscious.

That is, my task, as a psychotherapist, is to help the client see the spiritual forces that control him, consisting of both desires and unwillingnesses, protests, resistance, to create space for their study, understanding and reconciliation. Analysis helps to understand oneself, one's unconscious, one's inner motives, but it is only the client who can change something...

There is a proverb in Russian: “A horse can be led to a watering hole, but it can only get drunk on its own.” This is one hundred percent effective in psychoanalysis. The success of psychotherapy largely depends on the client's willingness to accept help and change. And in fact, it's not as easy as it seems... After all, accepting help means facing your inner world, your feelings, your desires and protests coming from childhood.

This is usually not easy because the analyst usually refuses to play the role of the all-powerful parent and instead of gratifying the client's wishes, interprets their origins. This can cause resentment and anger, which you need to have the courage to face and endure. We can get rid of any feelings only by experiencing them again, so to speak, “mastering them”, this is how our psyche is arranged.

Analyst "floats" next to the client on the waves of his experiences and helps to understand what is happening, is nearby, thus giving support, but nothing more. He is not enough to save the client, give him advice, provide "effective" assistance, the client learns to sail the waves himself. This may seem cruel to some, but this is how real analytical work goes. We do not give the client not only fish, but we do not give a fishing rod either, but we help to make this fishing rod ourselves and catch the fish ourselves and cook it ourselves. And this is one side of the issue, and in the other part, the analyst literally feeds and nurtures the infant part of the client, sharing with him all the feelings and experiences. This is the difficult work to be done in psychoanalytic therapy.

Of course, a lot here depends on the relationship between the therapist and the client, on whether a working alliance will develop, and at the same time, a huge part of success depends on the client himself, on his readiness to understand, experience, change, endure, and in fact actually endure the pain. It is always difficult, and at the same time always leads to internal changes, and, therefore, to an improvement in the quality of life. It’s just that improvements are sometimes very difficult to accept, sometimes even more difficult than deterioration ...

Approaching the end of this article, it is important to highlight one more point. It may seem to some that I am generally taking out of brackets the responsibility of the psychoanalytic therapist for the result of joint work. But it's not. This responsibility, of course, exists, but, oddly enough, it is no longer before the client, but before oneself. In the analytic process, the therapist is responsible for the process itself, for its stability, for its scope and boundaries, for its analyticity, and most importantly, for its qualifications.

Everything described above, of course, makes sense if the therapist meets his qualifications, that is, has a sufficient number of hours of personal therapy (in analytical practice, this is from 500 hours of personal experience), supervision and theoretical training ...

ASK PSYCHOLOGIST0004 Address: Moscow, Ermolaevsky lane 22-26 building 1. Tel: 8 (926) 256-20-78 from 10.00 to 23.00 daily.

8 Reasons Why Psychotherapy Doesn't Work for You - The Knife

I've been in psychotherapy for over two years now and I feel a little better. During the session, a real micro-model of real life unfolds. Those patterns of behavior that we are used to using in communicating with other people, those psychological defenses that make us not so vulnerable, but so closed, those emotions that are behind banal habits and everyday choices - everything is at a glance, you just need to dare to see it.

But just like in real life, we make mistakes in psychotherapy. Moreover, “we” is both the client and the therapist, because in the work of the “person-to-person” format, everything will never be smooth and comfortable.

My therapist once said, "If therapy goes smoothly, it's probably not therapy." And this is true, because it is normal to make mistakes, and therapy is not a saving pill, and you should not expect complete relief from mental discomfort in two meetings.

This is a constant contact, difficulties in building trust, a rigid setting, mutual responsibility and a desire to cooperate.

See also:

Toxic therapy: 10 types of psychologists and psychotherapists who will only harm you

Sometimes the desire to do everything as well as possible leads an anxious or wounded person to an unexpected result. The effectiveness of therapy is reduced, and the client's disappointment that the therapy turned out to be not at all what he imagined may even jeopardize further meetings.

I have described eight of the most non-obvious client actions that can harm therapy.

1. Trying to understand how therapy works from the inside

This is what I encountered in the first year of my therapy - with the desire to understand what the “magic” of this process is and how exactly I can speed it up. Tentatively, I was given a therapy period of three years, and it seemed to me that it was terribly long.

Not the last role in this was played by the financial side of the issue and great skepticism about the effectiveness of such an activity - I was frightened by unjustified risk. All this was layered on a total distrust of people and the world. Due to increased anxiety, I could not entrust someone with work, preferring to do everything myself and bear responsibility alone. And this applied not only to psychotherapy: it was difficult for me to turn to any specialized doctor with medical problems, because I was sure that he was not competent and would definitely not help me. Only I can get information and help myself. This is a typical cognitive distortion, which, alas, only exacerbates the current state.

Superficial knowledge of therapy will do nothing but satisfy idle interest and broaden one's horizons.

The psychotherapist focuses on a specific person, on his individuality and features of his upbringing, childhood, life. To understand how therapy works from the inside, it is not enough to read a few books. Specialists learn this all their lives, and they learn from clients as well.

And this, perhaps, is the “magic” of psychotherapy: for the client, this is an invaluable experience of getting closer to a person about whom he actually knows nothing (according to the rules, a psychotherapist should not disclose the facts of his personal life), and for a psychotherapist, this is every time a new story, an opportunity to see the world through the eyes of another person.

2. Do self-diagnosis

The joke about diagnoses on the Internet has already set the teeth on edge, but now mental illnesses have been added to the physical ones.

Free access to information contributes not only to educating people in the once taboo topic, but also, on the contrary, to an incorrect perception of their condition.

Self-diagnosis is a very ambiguous thing, because the line between "know yourself" / "learn self-help techniques" and "try to treat yourself on the basis of a dozen articles" is quite thin. It is difficult to disidentify from the symptoms and evaluate them objectively, because the same intense anxiety/anger/resentment/sadness can be a natural reaction to stress or a threat to life.

Before, I always wanted to explain what was happening, to find causal relationships, to sort everything out. This relieves anxiety and narrows perception.

“It just happened and that's it” sounds too abstract. Therefore, it was vital for me to know my diagnosis and find out which pills to take to let go.

In fact, all this intellectualization just got in the way. I said smart things that probably had nothing to do with me. Even more: compulsive study of information clogged my brain so much that I saw signs of disorder in every person and in every action, I was supercritical about myself and uncritical about such a state. Any extreme is not good.

3. Focus on theory and rationalize the process or your feelings

This point follows from the previous two. When I studied hundreds of materials about psychotherapy, I caught two insights.

The first is how confusing and sometimes contradictory it all is (which is logical, because there are many different directions in psychotherapy and concepts that are incompatible with each other, which often come down to criticism of polar points of view).

The second insight is that the more I learn about this or that diagnosis, the more I find its symptoms in myself. It is similar to the medical student syndrome, when a person believes that he himself has the disease that he is studying. This state of affairs complicates therapy, because emotions can not be reached at all - theory replaces feelings.

See also:

How did psychotherapy appear in Russia and what do we expect from it?

This is closer to self-diagnosis criticism, but it is worth mentioning here.

Attention to one’s condition and introspection (“how do I feel now?”, “why do I want to do this?”) can save a life, and, perhaps, this is exactly what led me to psychotherapy. But in a wounded state, a person often falls into extremes and begins either to romanticize the disorder, or to repress and deny it in every possible way.

4. Hide your negative reactions

We all know that there are no taboo topics in psychotherapy: absolutely everything can be discussed, even the most terrible fantasies and uncomfortable thoughts. This is welcome, because it is better to say something unpleasant than to constantly think about it - we also know this very well.

But the irony is that “knowing” and “doing” are different things, and it is not always possible, by an effort of will, to get uncomfortable thoughts out of oneself, which even one finds difficult to admit.

The psyche is a little more cunning, and psychological protection prevents frank communication.

For example, it was difficult for me to talk about my anger. In moments of irritation, I either started to giggle inappropriately, trying to turn the conversation into a friendly direction (and thereby avoid the conflict that I was so afraid of in childhood), or closed in on myself, did not want to talk. Sometimes, after a potential trigger situation for me, it seemed to me that I didn’t feel anything at all.

This is largely an unconscious process, but if there is something you would like to share, try to overcome resistance to it. The sooner you manage to overcome fear, the easier it will be to pronounce problems in the future.

5. Don't talk about sexual transference

Sexual transference is a separate meme in psychotherapy. Some researchers say that attraction to their psychotherapist will arise in any case (otherwise the psychotherapeutic relationship cannot be called close enough), others believe that this is nothing more than a reaction to the desired acceptance, for others it is valuable material and a field for discussion.

In any case, no matter how scary it is to get rejected, it's worth clarifying the situation and confessing your feelings. Experienced psychotherapists understand how to work with sexual transference in the safest possible way for the client.

I had a situation when a subscriber of my channel wrote to me and shared that she fell in love with her psychiatrist. At that time, she was hospitalized with a diagnosis of "borderline disorder", often resorted to self-harm. She did not know what to do with this love, but she was able to overcome herself and tell about her feelings. They discussed this situation together and separately (each with their own therapist), and the girl said that after confessing she felt better and she "did not hurt herself because of difficult feelings, as usual."

6. Putting off the most important things for the last 5 minutes

Also my stop. Sometimes it seemed to me that I could talk incessantly: I tried to joke and entertain the psychotherapist with my simple verbal constructions, it was interesting to present the situation - why? This was my typical way of making contact. But everything really important, everything that needed to be said in therapy (my feelings), remained “behind the scenes”.

In the last minutes, I remembered the terribly painful event, left depressed because it was precisely this that remained unheard and misunderstood, but what to do - time was lost.

The method of free association that we used involved saying everything that came to mind, but this made the process much longer.

This is also a kind of resistance, when you cannot tell what really worries you - the psyche simply forces out this trauma.

My favorite pastime, note-taking, helped me overcome this state. I wrote down those situations/thoughts/feelings that I would like to bring to therapy. It is impossible to remember everything, but when there is a list in front of your eyes, it becomes easier to formulate your thoughts.

7. Attempt to enter into relationships with other client(s)

According to the rules, the psychotherapist has no right to take relatives and friends of his client to therapy. However, no one forbade getting acquainted with existing clients. But this is not the right strategy, because it can complicate therapy.

I didn't have such a situation, but I remember the TV series "In Treatment" very well, where this happened. Moreover, even the second exit, which, as a rule, should be in a psychotherapeutic office, did not save from meeting clients.

According to the plot of the first season, the patient Laura falls in love with her psychotherapist Paul (the main character), but he does not reciprocate, and she begins dating Alex, another patient. They met near the office when Alex mistakenly showed up on Laura's therapy day. Their relationship brought a lot of pain to all participants in the therapeutic process, including the psychotherapist himself, who turned to the supervisor too late and was unable to work with his own countertransferences.

This situation can be attributed to the point about sexual transference, but Laura did not hide her feelings for Paul. Her attempt to enter into a relationship with another patient is a kind of revenge and provocation, the desire to further shake the boundaries of therapy and cause feelings of jealousy in the psychotherapist.

8. Thinking that therapy will last forever and idealizing the process seems normal"), catch a lot of insights along the way, open the fifth chakra and achieve enlightenment, catch zen and find out your destiny.

It turned out that everything is much more realistic: a psychotherapist is a simple woman who can make mistakes, and relationships need to be built and efforts made, and not just play the role of an outside observer/accuser, and I myself am not a robot and not a walking encyclopedia, but a unique person with his own reactions. And that I don't need to show everyone how special I am. I just at one moment began to know this as a fact.

There is no way: in psychotherapy you travel inside your head, stumbling over memories, going from corner to corner and clearing the trash, making room for something new.
See also:

Psychotherapy is not what it seems. Why you should not expect a miraculous solution to all your problems from a therapist

The saddest thing that no one told me at the beginning of therapy is that this work will have to be done alone all my life.


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