When a man cries for you

10 things it means when a man cries for you (and how to respond)

Men’s code of masculinity often forbids them from crying in public or expressing emotions other than anger.

Even though receiving this sort of conditioning is damaging, it doesn’t change the fact that men have a right to their expression of pain.

Women are the only ones who understand this.

The universal truth is that men are sensitive creatures just waiting for their perfect partner to unlock their hidden potential for love and affection.

When a man cries for you, it means something special.

Here are 10 things it could mean and how you should respond:

1) It means he’s emotionally invested in you and your relationship

The act of crying is a strong signal that you are emotionally invested in someone.

When a man cries for you, it means that he cares enough to be upset and feels the need to share his feelings with you.

Having someone who wants to hear what they have to say can be incredibly comforting.

He cries because he’s hurt and feels vulnerable.

Remind him that he’s not alone in this situation, as you are here to comfort him.

Also, reassure him that you’re not going anywhere and that the two of you are strong enough to work things out together.

Crying can be an uncomfortable experience for anyone, but it’s particularly difficult if you’re unsure how to respond.

If you see your partner getting emotional, it can be difficult not to take it personally.

If they seem sad or depressed, try to show empathy and support them.

But never make excuses for their behavior or apologize for your own emotions.

2) It means he’s comfortable being vulnerable with you

When a man cries for you, it means he’s comfortable enough with you to feel vulnerable and open with you.

He may be expressing his feelings in a way that’s natural to him, such as through tears or sobbing.

Or, he may choose to say nothing at all and let his feelings show on his face.

Either way, it’s a sign that he cares about you and is willing to take the risk of opening up to you.

There are a few things you can do when a man cries for you.

First, acknowledge his emotions and validate him by saying something like “I’m sorry” or “I understand.”

This shows that you’re listening and that you care about what he’s going through.

Second, let him know that you’re there for him no matter what happens next.

If he needs to talk about his emotions or process them in some way, he’ll be more likely to open up to you if he knows that you’re there for him.

Finally, try not to take his crying personally, and don’t assume that there’s something wrong with him if he cries for you.

3) It means he trusts you enough

Some men do not think that crying is an acceptable way to express their emotions, but this doesn’t mean that they are less emotional than other men.

Crying can be an emotional release for a man who has been suppressing his sadness or grief over something that has happened in his life.

It can also be a way to let go of the pain and emotional stress that comes with having feelings.

When a man cries for you, it shows that he cares about you and is willing to put himself out there for your sake.

This is a sign of trustworthiness and love in a man’s heart.

It shows that he cares enough about you to feel vulnerable and open up about how he feels.

However, crying also means that he does not have the power to express himself in words.

Instead, he wants you to understand his feelings so that you can comfort him.

This is a strong sign that he is letting you know that he trusts you. So, don’t let him down.

4) It means he’s feeling overwhelmed

When a man cries for you, he’s not asking for pity or attention.

As a woman, you might not understand his feelings or what he’s thinking.

He’s just overwhelmed with emotion and needs your support.

In this case, let him cry and don’t question him because the answer is in his tears.

Listen to what he needs without telling him that he should feel better; let him get the things off his chest.

After he cries, then you can approach him with compassion, love, and understanding if that’s possible.

Showing your man that you understand how he feels is a big step towards helping him feel better.

And there are a few ways you can do it.

You can ask how you can help him and tell him that you’re here for him, no matter what.

Asking how you can help shows that you care about his feelings and that you want to help him in any way possible.

And saying that you’re there for him shows that you believe he can get through this crisis on his own, even if it doesn’t seem like it right now.

Being there for your man means being supportive and listening to him when he needs to talk.

Just having his back when he needs someone to lean against or to lean in for an embrace, will go a long way towards showing him that he has your support.

5) It means he’s going through a tough time and needs your comfort

Sometimes men cry when they’re sad and need a shoulder to cry on.

They might be crying because there’s a problem in their life that they need to vent about.

Other times, they might be crying because they’re feeling great and just want to let someone know how thankful they are for them.

In either of these cases, it’s important to be sensitive to what the man is saying.

If he’s upset about something, listen carefully and try to understand why he’s upset.

Sometimes, guys just need someone to listen and care about them to feel better.

If you see him crying and he doesn’t seem like he needs any help, hold him if you can.

Even though you may not understand his situation, there’s probably nothing you can do that will make him feel better.

Just being there will help him cope with whatever is going on in his life at the moment.

6) It means he’s grieving a loss and needs your support

This could be the death of someone he loves, or it could be an experience that’s been hard for him.

Sometimes he’ll cry for you even if you’re not around.

If you want to help, try to be there for him.

Tell him what you think and how much you care about him.

And if he asks for your help, don’t hesitate to say yes.

When a man cries for you, it means that he needs your support and understanding at this time in his life.

7) It means he’s feeling insecure and needs your reassurance

It’s easy to mistake a man who cries for you for an inability to express his feelings and an unwillingness to communicate.

The truth is that crying can be a sign of insecurity.

Insecurity can be triggered by anything from a large break-up to the loss of a loved one.

When a man cries for you, it may mean that he feels insecure and needs your reassurance.

He might be insecure about something that you’re doing or not doing.

Maybe he cares about your feelings so much and that worries and enrages him with concern.

Don’t be angry with him; instead, let him know how much his feelings mean to you.

When in doubt, take a step back and make an effort to understand his feelings from another perspective. If you’re wrong, then you’ll know it.

He needs reassurance, so you can give him a kind and gentle hug.

8) It means he’s feeling hopeless and needs your encouragement

There’s a reason why men are supposed to be strong, stoic, and tough.

But when the going gets tough, men can show emotions too, as they should.

Men may cry because they feel hopeless and need someone to reassure them that this is all going to work out.

He may be dealing with a problem and doesn’t know what the next move is.

He’s not sure of himself or how to handle things and wants you to be there for him when he falls apart.

If he cries, then encourage him to think positively. You can say something like, “We’ll find a way out of this.”

Try not to leave him hanging when he needs you most.

Some guys cry for no reason at all.

9) It means he’s feeling guilty and needs your forgiveness

The guilt that men feel is caused by the emotional need to be in a relationship.

This becomes even more important to men when they are starting a family.

It is very easy for men to feel guilty for not having enough time for their partners and children.

When a man starts crying, it means that he has realized that he has been neglecting you or his children.

He may have felt guilty because he was thinking about work too much, or because he did not spend enough time with you.

He also may have felt guilty because of his feelings of inadequacy.

This can be allayed by showing him that you understand how hard these feelings are and that you forgive him.

It is important to let him know that you love him and will always be there for him.

And lastly,

10) It means he loves you and needs your love in return

A man crying for you is an expression of his love for you. If this is the case, then it means his emotions are intense and powerful.

He might have other reasons to cry but as a result of feeling strongly for you.

He is willing to show this love through his tears.

If he cries, it means he cares about you and wants to be close to you.

It could also mean that he misses you, is worried about you, or simply wants to express his feelings.

These tears might be caused by sadness, happiness, or both.

When this happens, your first step should be to reassure him that everything is okay.

Remember, when a man cries, his guard is down and he doesn’t expect anything in return—just let him know that you’re there for him.

Tell him that he can talk about anything and that you are there to listen.

You are the one who can make him stop crying by showing him more love, care, and affection.

Show him that you’re always there for him and assure him of how much he means to you.

Being silent and ignoring a crying man will only make him feel more isolated and alone.

And that’s that.

There are many reasons why men might feel like crying.

Each of these reasons has its importance, and it’s important to acknowledge them one by one before you can address what is making him cry.

Crying is not a weakness and your man should know it.

He should also know how to process his emotions with you.

The first step is simply to open up. Pull out all the stops.

Talk about your feelings as if they are an everyday occurrence.

Make it a priority to find out what’s causing them and take care of it as soon as possible.

He may be processing his emotions in a way that he can’t communicate to you.

Be open to his tears and let him know you understand and support him.

It may help to let him know that you’re there for him and that you want to talk about whatever he needs to talk about.

Let him know that you don’t judge him and that you want to understand.

The more comfortable he feels talking about how he’s feeling, the more at ease he’ll be able to move on and find solutions.

Why Do Men Cry? (19 Emotional Reasons)

Most ladies want answers to the question, “Why do grown men cry?” Some might even want to know whether men cry at all. The truth is, both men and women cry, but men have a better way of concealing their vulnerabilities to the world. Yes, it’s not an image you see a lot, but it does happen and this article will give light to that fact.

Below are nineteen reasons why you would ever see a guy in tears, and these key points cover multiple aspects of life but are not exclusive to all men. All male individuals will behave differently in different circumstances, but these scenarios are likely to make any man cry for the most part.

Contents

1 19 Possible Reasons Why Men Cry
- 1.1 1. Suppressed emotions
- 1.2 2. Broken relationships
- 1.3 3. Physical pain
- 1.4 4. Death
- 1.5 5. An emotional movie
- 1.6 6. Someone else’s struggle
- 1.7 7. Funerals
- 1.8 8. Separation
- 1.9 9. Parents’ divorce
- 1.10 10. Reuniting with family
- 1.11 11. Facing disappointments
- 1.12 12. Struggling with finances
- 1. 13 13. Witnessing parents’ struggle
- 1.14 14. Sadness
- 1.15 15. The feeling of love
- 1.16 16. The birth of a child
- 1.17 17. Guilt
- 1.18 18. Getting married
- 1.19 19. Unexpected events
2 FAQs
3 To Conclude

19 Possible Reasons Why Men Cry

1. Suppressed emotions

The stereotype that portrays men as the emotionally-stable gender has come under scrutiny over the years. Many believe that the male gender isn’t necessarily resistant to pain or grief but merely suppress any emotion due to the rigid image they have to keep.

To appear more masculine in front of others, a guy would take the stress of piling up his sorrowful feelings until he’s ready to deal with it. However, when his heart can’t contain the distress anymore, it bursts out in the form of tears.

Just like any individual that tries to hide their pain, guys go through struggles but find ways to bottle them up to prevent people from seeing their vulnerable side. But time reveals that even the most rigid man isn’t resistant to crying.

2. Broken relationships

When men are in love, several things can make them cry, and one of them is heartbreak. Men cry, particularly when they experience heartbreak due to a broken relationship. If they had feelings for a significant other and lost them along the way, it will push them to tears.

A boyfriend that reminisces on the time and effort he invested into a relationship would cry when it ends. Another scenario is if his spouse or girlfriend cheated on him.

Just like everyone else, he will feel betrayed and downhearted, which would cause him to cry. Although guys seem to handle broken relationships by concealing their grief, this notion doesn’t suggest that they don’t cry over it.

3. Physical pain

Without a doubt, one thing that can cause a person to produce human tears is pain. Both men and women are bound to cry when they experience physical pain because that’s how our systems operate. While the hormone testosterone is more likely to keep guys from crying, it doesn’t prevent it altogether.

Men may have a more extended threshold to agony than women, but they aren’t exempted from the natural laws of shedding tears when a significant amount of suffering happens to the body.

Therefore, you can catch guys crying when their bodies are in distress, and they’ve reached their maximum threshold. If a guy has an injury that inhibits his usual line of actions, he’s bound to cry from the discomfort. Likewise, if he was in an accident or underwent surgery, the soreness might cause him to weep.

4. Death

When a person loses something without the hope of ever recovering it, it can bring even the most rigid human to tears. Significantly, when life is lost, a grown man can cry. Guys are bound to weep when they lose a loved one. This scenery happens because of their tight-knit relationship with their family.

If they shared an emotional bond with the person that died, whether it’s a friend or a colleague, it could make them cry.

Guys may also sob when they lose their pets because of their attachment to them. If a person loses anything they have a bond to, it will bring them sorrow, which will push them to shed some tears. In a nutshell, death is an unexpected event that destabilizes most people and inevitably makes them cry.

5. An emotional movie

Some movies pull on the feelings of individuals, causing them to shed tears while watching. A combination of sad features can make even guys cry. For example, a sentimental background tune, a nostalgic storyline, and a soul-stirring lineup of events can make a movie powerful enough to make its viewers cry.

If a person can emotionally connect with the actors in a film, they’re bound to experience the same magnitude of feelings communicated through the movie. Therefore, a guy that cries while watching a movie isn’t more emotional than the next. It merely means he was able to connect with the actors and the storyline portrayed emotionally.

6.

Someone else’s struggle

Apart from emotionally connecting with someone’s suffering from a movie, people are more likely to relate to someone’s grief in real life. This scenario happens because the person’s torment is real. If a guy fails to cry during a movie when he witnesses someone’s struggle, he might weep when he hears about it in reality.

If anyone they share an emotional connection with is going through either physical or psychological pain, it can make a guy cry. If there’s a lack of support to render to that person, it will make the situation seem even more hopeless, which will undoubtedly cause him to cry.

7. Funerals

There’s a sad feeling that accompanies funerals. Most individuals might not cry over someone’s death but might find themselves experiencing profound sadness at their funeral. Without a doubt, funerals might make men cry more than the actual end of a person.

Specific reactions might be triggered when they witness the burial of that person, and the sole fact that they might not get to see them again might push them to cry.

Although it’s possible for some people not to be moved by funerals, others might have a vulnerable point when observing the burial of someone who was either a stranger or someone they were once closely acquainted with.

8. Separation

Separation is another scenario that can cause men to cry. Being apart from someone you share a bond with hurts more than expected. Separation can occur in different ways, which is why it’s a real reason for a guy to cry. If partners are apart due to distance, this might make a guy cry way more than on other occasions.

If a guy is going through a divorce, that event might push him to sob over others. Separating from people, places, and any other thing a person holds an emotional attachment to will make them break down at some point. The time invested in those things or people will make anyone feel remorseful when they have to part with them.

9. Parents’ divorce

People dislike seeing their parents split up, which is why this can make a guy cry. Although some situations are relatively different from others, hearing that your parents are getting a divorce will leave an unsettling feeling in any individual. Most times, this attitude might generate from past experiences with a parent’s divorce.

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If they never found closure with that situation, it can bring them to tears when they reminisce on the hurt it caused. Watching your family fall apart, especially at a tender age, can cause despair, leading to other sad emotions even as an adult. Therefore, depending on the scenario, a guy would cry when faced with a parents’ divorce.

10. Reuniting with family

Some tears aren’t entirely tied to grief or sorrow. Sometimes, they can be as a result of joy. A special occasion that makes a guy weep with gladness is reuniting with his family. As explained earlier, separation can leave anyone feeling numb, which is why a reunion can make a person cry.

If family members have been apart all their lives, their reunion will undoubtedly be emotional. An even milder case of a little space between loved ones or lovers will still be heart-warming enough to make anyone cry. The extent to which a guy will sob over a reunion depends on his emotional bond with the parties involved.

11. Facing disappointments

When people face inevitable disappointments, it can push them to the extent of shedding tears. Disappointments usually arise when expectations aren’t met. Men particularly anticipate a lot for their future as they get older, making the probability of facing a disappointment much higher.

However, not all dissatisfactions about a situation can cause a man to cry. Sobbing over discontent only occurs when the scenario bypasses the strength of the guy. When he feels hopeless about a thing he has spent time on, the situation will most likely make him cry.

12. Struggling with finances

Most men anticipate good things for their future, especially in the area of their finances. They hope to be stable enough to afford certain things at some point in their lives. For example, moving to a new apartment or finally getting a car. It’s also possible to see men crying over money, mostly when their plans don’t succeed.

A guy may not control his emotions if he has pending needs to cater to but not enough resources to handle them. If he’s having a bad break, getting out of that position might cause him grief and push him to cry. If it takes a long time for him to get back on track, it will be a soul-stirring experience for him.

13. Witnessing parents’ struggle

Although widespread knowledge suggests that the male gender has better control over their emotions, heart-rending scenarios like seeing a parent’s struggling can overturn this notion. Whether the guy shares a special bond with his parents or not, watching a parent go through stress or agony will be daunting for him.

If the situation is extreme, he won’t be able to hold back his tears. Likewise, seeing a parent experience the beauty of life can push a guy to tears. For example, having a big break or finally recovering from an ailment. The bottom line is that situations surrounding a parent can affect an individual’s emotion, and even more significantly when they share a great bond with that parent.

14. Sadness

Society expects men to have maximum control of their feelings, but this doesn’t exempt them from experiencing sadness. Multiple things can cause grief for the male gender; some might be singular events, while others might be a combination of scenarios. When a guy is disheartened, he’s likely to shed some tears just like everyone else.

Widespread knowledge suggests that it takes a while for a man to cry, but in some cases, guys find it hard to resist the urge, and they weep if they have to. Since the act of crying is therapeutic in a way, having a low-spirited feeling can cause even the most inflexible male to sob.

15. The feeling of love

There are some things the men don't always reveal, and one of them is their vulnerability to love as an emotion. Can love make a guy cry? – Indeed, it can. But while trying to retain his masculinity, he will hide most of these feelings.

Understand that if a heartbreak can make a guy cry, then the joy of love can also bring tears to his eyes. If his heart connects to something or someone, he will unconsciously trigger feelings like these at some point. A guy can cry when love is shown to him in a great dimension because men are also emotional beings.

16. The birth of a child

Men cry when they see the birth of their children because moments like that are undeniably beautiful. After the stress of bearing a child, its delivery will undoubtedly be an emotional experience. Witnessing the child grow over some time is another pleasant experience that can make any father weep.

Hearing their first words, seeing their first steps, and watching them start and finish school will be sentimental. A parent witnessing their child’s life and reminiscing on how much they’ve grown can cause them to cry their hearts out.

17. Guilt

The feeling of remorse is another thing that can bring tears to the eyes of men. When someone feels guilty, it grips their heart and can make them start weeping. Feeling bad about the past is inevitable for every individual, especially when your mistakes cost you something. For example, if a guy hurt someone he loved, and it cost him his relationship with that person. Knowing he can’t change the past can make him cry.

18. Getting married

Marriage is a beautiful experience that can push a man to cry. More often than none, women tend to be more emotional on their wedding days. But a man can also get teary-eyed by merely watching his bride walk down the aisle on some occasions. We can associate much of this reaction to the vulnerability that love presents or how touching the situation presents itself.

The reaction of loved ones or merely seeing the image of yourself in your wedding attire can stir up a heart-warming feeling.

19. Unexpected events

Unexpected occurrences cover the majority of what pushes guys to tears most of the time. If it were up to most of the male gender, they would bottle up their emotions until they can adequately handle them. However, life has a way of bringing out the emotional side of everyone. When a guy least expects it, certain things can take him by surprise and cause him to tear up.

FAQs

Do men cry when they are in love?

Some men are pushed to tears when it comes to love because love is an intense feeling that makes a person vulnerable. A guy can cry for love because of the joy that it brings or because of a heartbreak. Scenarios like getting married or breaking up with a partner can equally make a man cry for love.

What does it mean when a man cries easily?

Men that are more in touch with their emotions than others tend to cry easily. Compassionate individuals feel emotions intensely, and this trait is not necessarily a sign of weakness. Everyone cries at some point, but only a few are comfortable sharing this with others. Therefore, if a man is crying easily to you, it shows he’s comfortable enough around you to be vulnerable.

What does it mean if a guy cries for you?

When a guy cries for a lady, it shows he has an emotional attachment to you. More so, it means that he regards you as much as he does with his loved ones. His tears hint that he has a special connection with you that he cherishes and hopes not to lose.

Do guys fall in love harder?

According to research, women tend to take more precautions when it comes to love than guys do. A guy’s requirements for love is, most times, less rigorous than that of ladies. To that effect, it’s easy for guys to fall in love faster and, most times, harder than women do.

What does it mean when you cry while making love?

Intense physical arousal, if not adequately expressed, can lead to tears during and after sex. When people bottle up sexual energy without communicating it, they might end up releasing it in the form of crying. Another reason why a person might cry during sex is to remove the tension of the moment appropriately.

To Conclude

Did you enjoy this article on what could bring a guy to tears? Remember that these points are not exclusive to all individuals of the male gender. Some guys would cry more than others, meaning that most of these scenarios might apply to them. If you liked this article, kindly leave a comment or share it with others.

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men also cry | PSYCHOLOGIES

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Man and woman Know yourself Listen to your body

Men are crying today. Without a doubt, they are much easier than the older generation to give in to emotions. “The last time I cried in a movie was when I watched Anthony Minghella’s The English Patient,” Alexander admits. An unusual confession from the lips of a 32-year-old lawyer. But would his father have told with the same ease about the experienced emotions? “He definitely never cried,” the son is sure.

“Today, a man doesn't have to hold back tears in order to prove his masculinity,” says psychotherapist Alexander Orlov. “In the last fifteen years, gender stereotypes of manifestations of emotionality have become less rigid.”

Still, it is still too early to say that the reactions of men and women have become the same.

Is it possible to compare the streams flowing from women's eyes in the same cinema with the only moistened gaze of their companions? “My throat caught, it stung in my eyes,” Alexander continues. And he adds: “I didn’t even suspect that I was capable of falling into such a state, especially because of the film!”

A confession of impotence

As a child, Alexander, like most boys, was often told that a real man shouldn't cry. “This cultural stereotype is still significant in modern society: parents continue to raise their sons, limiting their emotionality,” explains sexologist Igor Kon. “In the future, this keeps men from openly showing their feelings.”

“When I realize that I can cry, I either look away from what hurt me, or find something that will distract me, help me switch,” agrees 43-year-old Oleg.

“Men also hold back their emotions because most of them are action-oriented,” explains psychotherapist Patrick Lemoine. - They are not inclined, unlike women, to listen to their experiences, to follow their lead. But tears do not allow to act, they take away time, energy.

In addition, to burst into tears means to admit one's powerlessness, defeat, impossibility to cope with the situation

And therefore, one should not give vent to tears. Sergey, 51, cannot remember a single time when he cried: “I don’t know what could shock me so much that tears appeared in my eyes.” Of course, with the exception of the death or illness of loved ones.

“Such tears are allowed by society, because they confirm that men belong to the human race, their “normality,” explains psychotherapist Ekaterina Zhornyak. “But if tears hint in any way that a man has problems or feelings that he cannot cope with, from a conventional point of view, they seem inappropriate, indicate his insolvency.”

Death, suffering of a loved one, parting with loved ones and a feeling of joy - these are the reasons for tears men immediately name without hesitation. “I cried when I found out that my son was born,” recalls 26-year-old Roman. Tears welled up on their own. But I am proud of them, because the event was exceptional.”

23-year-old Semyon experienced similar feelings when the Russian team reached the semi-finals of the European Football Championship in 2008: “No one was ashamed of their tears, on the contrary, they could only be proud of!” “Be proud because they marked a victory, a well-deserved triumph,” adds Alexander Orlov. “These were tears of unity, patriotism and, therefore, worthy of respect.”

Restraint in the manifestation of feelings

But even when emotions take over, very few men show them as openly and violently as women. “When my father died, I was in despair, but I couldn’t cry,” admits 34-year-old Piotr. “My sister was crying, and I knew that she was judging me for my insensitivity, but I didn’t cry.”

Tears allow you to express your deepest feelings. Not too inclined to discuss feelings, men cry more restrained than women, and cry for themselves. If a man breaks down and bursts into tears, he wants only one thing: to shrink into a ball to be left alone. Shut up, think, reflect. And ultimately, if possible, find inner peace.

Since men rarely cry, tears have a psychotherapeutic effect on them

And the effect of them is even more tangible than in women. “I rarely cry, and if I do, the tears come suddenly,” admits 21-year-old Stepan. “But then I feel some kind of special lightness!”

24-year-old Piotr, on the other hand, thinks tears are devastating, “it feels like you're blown away like a balloon.” Then he feels completely broken and also feels shame: one tear - and a gap appears in the armor.

“Those who were brought up under the slogan “a man must always control himself” regard any outbursts of emotions as a loss of self-control,” explains Igor Kon. - And they try to suppress, hide, control their experiences. And if it doesn’t work out, they are tormented by a sense of guilt. ”

The loss of self-control means for them a divergence from the image of superman, which they would like to correspond to.

“I didn't know that my father could cry…”

Valery, 41 years old, sound engineer

“I will never forget the day when I saw tears in my father's eyes. I was 12 years old. My grandmother, my father's mother, so strong, cheerful, was taken to the hospital. She couldn't walk. For some reason, no one in the family talked about it.

One evening, returning from the hospital, my father said to my mother: “I saw a stick with such a tripod in the pharmacy. You can buy when mom gets on her feet. And my mother looked at him point-blank and said dryly: “You know very well that she will never get up again.” I mean, face it, don't be a kid.

And I saw how the father suddenly bent over, shrank, became somehow small, as if he had actually turned into a child. There were tears in my eyes. Seeing me, he tried to straighten up, but could not. Then he took out a handkerchief and hid his face in it.

I was shocked: my father, whom I considered so strong, simply invulnerable, can cry. Suddenly I realized what I feel, I understand his pain. And he got mad at his mom. Even now, when I remember, I feel it all and worry again. Unlike my father, I never tried to hide what I have inside from my people: I want them to understand what I am experiencing.

The right to be vulnerable

This display of sensitivity touches women, but some of them also cause anxiety. “I don’t feel comfortable when I see men’s tears,” admits 26-year-old Elizabeth. “It throws me off, it’s like we’re switching roles.”

When 48-year-old Anna first saw her husband crying, she was shocked: “It was touching precisely because it was unusual. But if this happened at the beginning of our relationship, I'm not sure that I would have decided to connect my life with him. It’s hard to feel protected next to an overly emotional man.”

For a long time, men's tears violated the generally accepted idea of true masculinity. Today, they are increasingly perceived as evidence of the authenticity of feelings. Tired of gritting your teeth to play the role of a hero, more and more men allow themselves to show vulnerability. But - silently, alone with yourself.

What emotions does the desire to cry cause in a man?

Shyness. “Realizing that I can cry, I look away or find something to distract myself, switch over” - Oleg, 43 years old.

Shame. “There is nothing good here: tears are just devastating. That's it - you're blown away like a balloon" - Peter, 34 years old.

Pride. “When Russia reached the semi-finals of the European Championship in 2008, everyone cried! And no one was ashamed, on the contrary, everyone was proud! — Semyon, 23 years old.

Text: Nadezhda Vasilevskaya, Elena Shevchenko Photo Source: Getty Images

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Men explain why they cry

Afisha Daily talked to men who are not shy about expressing their emotions about accepting sensitivity and society's reaction to their tears.

Sergey Kasyan, 39

Prepress Specialist

I am an emotional person. I admit that I didn’t really have enough parental warmth, so I try to give it to my children: I constantly hug them, kiss them, despite the fact that this is not accepted in our society by fathers. Recently, my seven-year-old son and I watched the cartoon "The Secret of Coco" - at the end we both sobbed. The son reacted absolutely normally to the fact that dad was crying. I consciously try not to drill him in terms of "don't act like a girl." With me, my son has complete freedom in expressing emotions: he is a gentle and affectionate person - and it seems to me that there is no need to lock it inside.

I can cry at any moment. I had a very difficult period at the end of 2012, when many problems and shocks accumulated at the same time, an age crisis occurred. It covered me so much that I couldn’t stop right away. Usually I try not to cry in public, but then I could no longer restrain myself even outside the house. I cried literally for a week almost non-stop every 10-15 minutes with small breaks. I think it helped me a lot.

Tears are the liberation of the body from the remnants of sadness, a completely natural thing, just like communication between people. I recently returned from Israel and realized that there, as in Western Europe, people do not hide their eyes: when you look at a person on the street, you exchange some information with a glance. I terribly miss this in Russia. We are all very locked up here in our sarcophagi: everyone walks in a stone bag, tries to hide behind it and not hear anything. But people are created to communicate with each other, and this applies not only to tears, but they are one of the things that can accompany the unity of society and building trust between people.

I have not been judged. In any case, no one ever said it out loud. At home, too, no one really reacts. I am an adult, so I decide what to do. With age, I only become more sentimental - for example, over a cartoon in the same way 15 years ago, I would not have cried. It is difficult to say what the changes are related to. Maybe it's just that it's okay to cry. And that there is no need to hide emotions.

Gosha Bergal, 27 years old

Photographer, model, actor

I look rude, but appearances are deceiving: I am quite a sentimental person, and if emotions overwhelm me, I do not hold them back. From time to time I want to cry for various reasons, tears are the extreme point in both negative emotions and positive ones. That is, when I am happy, I can also cry. Such an ambivalence of being.

Maybe men and women experience emotions differently, but they are common to everyone. Personally, I am very emotional. If I really like a girl, then I turn into an idiot: I am very shackled, shy. If I'm having fun and no one is having fun around, then everyone will know that I'm having fun.

Several times I have been judged for being too vulnerable. Friends are understanding, but girls usually don't like it. They have a certain image in their head, and if I don't justify it, they condemn me. One day I was very upset because I realized how much time I spent with a person who, as I thought, understood me, but it turned out not.

In public, I try to restrain my emotions, but sometimes I fail. The last time I cried in public was in December 2017, when a friend was buried. All this, of course, is very sad.

The most important thing is to show emotions honestly, without hypocrisy. There was a moment when on set I was asked to cry. What we just didn’t do: smeared our eyes with special lipstick, cut onions, but I still couldn’t squeeze out tears. You need to cry sincerely when the body requires it.

Ivan Globin, 32 years old

Musician, motion designer

The last time I cried, I think, was the day before yesterday. I was alone, I was sad, but I couldn't formulate why - it happens. If you understand that a lot of sadness has accumulated, you cry - and it becomes easier. Even without understanding the problem itself, in this way you can make your life a little easier.

I can ride the subway, listen to a song and cry because the song touched me. Not in such a way as to burst into tears and bury one's shoulder, but it's quite normal, as they say, to "cry". At such moments, I disconnect from the world around me: I understand that there are people nearby, but someone's sidelong glances are not interesting to me.

Tears are considered a sign of weakness. There is a stereotype: "A man should not cry, it is not characteristic of him." And if a man demonstrates his weakness, other men can extinguish him. For me, it’s the other way around, if you are afraid of such manifestations, this is a sign that you constantly feel in danger, and in fact you are weaker than you want to seem.
But I never cry in situations where it is inappropriate - for example, when I or someone close to me is humiliated. You can then cry somewhere alone, throw out this stress, but in self-defense, of course, adequate actions are needed.

When my friends and I are watching a movie and a touching song is playing or someone is dying, I don't hesitate to cry if I feel like it. Among my friends for a long time there are no people who are trying to use my vulnerability against me or somehow prick me. Such people need to be kept away.

Tears are an acknowledgment of one's sadness. Only by accepting it can you move on. Tears are the reaction of your body, part of you. There are arms and legs, I use them to live. Tears are also a physical expression of a certain range of emotions - that's all. Nothing more and nothing less.

Aleksey Potapov, 27 years old

SMM-manager

The last time I cried in the cinema was at the movie What Men Talk About. Continuation". I really can't stand Russian cinema, but my friends made me go. In one of the scenes, the hero says: “Hush, hush, do you hear? This is happiness. " They recalled their childhood, youth and how they were friends all this time. At this moment, I shed tears. There was another phrase: "Damn, guys, let's be happy."

When I cry, I certainly don't feel embarrassed, no matter who it is. But on the other hand, if I were riding in a trolleybus and heard the song "Old Maple" from the film "Spring on Zarechnaya Street", I would be embarrassed to cry. After all, there would be strangers around me, moreover, often negatively inclined. Tears are an emotional blast that makes you feel better and lighter.

In December 2016, I had tear therapy. First there was a long business trip: I worked with Santa Claus, we fulfilled wishes from people's letters. When I arrived in Moscow, I was robbed twice in 10 days, and an acquaintance almost died between robberies. They stole my backpack, which contained documents, other people's money, keys to the apartment, a card that was supposed to receive a salary, and so on. I didn’t understand what the hell: I’m flying to Armenia in three days, I don’t have anything at all, and the New Year is ahead, so everything can be restored only after the holidays. On the eve of the holiday, I came home and realized: I was alone, there was silence around - it really hurt. I poured myself some vodka, went out onto the balcony with a beautiful view - and started crying right out of my mouth. The flatmate heard this and began to ask me questions, and I yelled so that the whole house probably woke up. It was the most emotional moment in my life. On the other hand, these are all trifles - I'm alive and well. Now I'm thinking, why the hell did you roar? Probably, I needed emotional unloading - it helped me.

One friend calls me a weepy creature. Everyone knows that I am sentimental, that I can cry, for example, from happiness, making a toast. My acquaintances are rather surprised that because of work I have become a little cynical and no longer perceive someone's pain in this way. If earlier I passed everything through myself, now I filter it.

Tears probably symbolize the real me. I live without pretending and can be transparent in terms of emotions - this is awareness of myself as a person. I'm not talking about crying, you just need not be shy to show your emotions.

Nikita Ponarin, 20 years old

Student

I used to be embarrassed that I could cry, but recently I came to the conclusion that tears are normal. As a child, I sobbed a lot - I literally sobbed in hysterics during quarrels with my parents. My mother kicked me: “Why are you crying? You are a man," although she herself brought it to this. In the fourth grade, we had some kind of conflict: she ran into the office and started gutting my backpack in front of everyone, which was piled with many different things. Then she told my class teacher: "You can hit him with a belt." I felt complete injustice, but in order not to cry in front of everyone, I ran away. I was afraid that I would be judged.

This is easier now. Firstly, I surrounded myself with people who support me (Nikita also runs a thematic telegram channel. - Note ed.). They can say: "Well, why are you crying, stop it." For them, tears are something not very good, but generally not terrible. Aggressive moments like: “What are you, a woman?” - No. Therefore, now I am not at all as ashamed compared to what I was at school.

The last time I cried was a couple of days ago when my sister gave me a drawing. She was five years old, and somehow I didn’t really believe in her ability to draw, but she made an amazing picture with a very beautiful deer - I was touched. She tried. I was going to give it to my mother, but gave it to me.

I recently cried because of a message. I talked with my potential love about the development of relationships: before that, I could not find a response in a person, but then I saw hope. And this hope touched me greatly, made me happy. I looked at the text where it was written: "Maybe" - and burst into tears. I don't like to cry, but it happens involuntarily.

It used to be very hard to cry: every time I felt a huge lump, and when you carry this lump in yourself for a long time, it becomes even bigger - and in the end you just cry sobbing, it really hurts. Now it’s much easier for me to shed a couple of tears, sit for 10 minutes in my thoughts, throw out my emotions, rethink my attitude to a person or situation. My tears come out at this moment just like a small stream, and then I calm down.

Georgy Polishchuk, 30 years old

Photographer

My father is a very sensitive person, but he keeps everything to himself. The only time he burst into emotion was when his father died - then I was simply shocked by his reaction. I was not brought up in such a way that a peasant should not cry, but the environment in which I grew up obliged me to keep my feelings to myself. Not only tears, but also any emotions can be ridiculed. I would like other people to somehow treat this with care, but it doesn’t work.

The last time I cried was a couple of weeks ago when I was watching the cartoon Coco. I was lying in bed with a laptop and, out of habit, tried to hold back my tears, but then I thought that I was alone - so why not cry. In fact, there is nothing directly that causes tears, but the dudes from Pixar know how to move. In Toy Story, for example, I cry when Woody tells Baz he's flying, and Baz says, "No Woody, I'm just falling beautifully." At this moment, tears just flow in a stream.

When my grandmother, with whom we were very close, died, for some reason I could not cry, and this tight feeling in my chest did not go away for several days. And if you immediately cry, you discharge, it becomes much easier. Therefore, I would like to cry more often.

Speaking of masculinity, recently my best friend and I were discussing that we ourselves turned into those whom we feared in childhood - we both grew up as very gentle children, and then went bald, grew beards. This is some kind of protective mechanism that works not only at the level of psychology, but also physiology. You acquire certain external features in order to protect yourself from troubles and dangers.

For me, it is more important to talk not about what a man should not do, but, on the contrary, about what he should do: first of all, take responsibility, take care of loved ones.

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