Threatening to break up emotional abuse

What is emotional abuse? | The National Domestic Violence Hotline

“I don’t want you going out with them. I trust you; I just don’t trust them.”

“You know you can’t get anyone better than me. You are lucky to be with me.”

“Are you sure you want to eat that? I’m just attracted to someone who takes care of themselves.”

“You’re so dumb. I knew this would be over your head.”

Do any of these sentences sound familiar? If so, you might be in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Many people hear the word “abuse” and think of physical violence. Physical abuse is one type of abuse, but it is certainly not the only one.

According to  The Hotline’s 2020 Data, 95% of contacts stated they were experiencing emotional abuse. Emotional abuse may not be what most people think about when they picture abuse, but that does not make it any less real or less serious. Because of its subtleties, emotional abuse can be quite difficult to detect when it is being experienced. Emotional abuse is also a foundation for other forms of abuse. Often, it is used erode a person’s self-esteem and self-worth and create a psychological dependency on the abusive partner. Let’s look at what emotional abuse is and how to know if emotional abuse is present in your relationship.

Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors that are meant to control, isolate, or frighten you. This may present in romantic relationships as threats, insults, constant monitoring, excessive jealousy, manipulation, humiliation, intimidation, dismissiveness, among others. Sometimes emotional abuse is more obvious, like a partner yelling at you or calling you names. Other times it can be more subtle, like your partner acting jealous of your friends or not wanting you to hang out with someone of another gender. While these emotionally abusive behaviors do not leave physical marks, they do hurt, disempower, and traumatize the partner who is experiencing the abuse.

Over time, emotional abuse can wear down a person’s self-worth, confidence, and their mental and emotional strength.

It’s difficult to feel sure of yourself when a partner is demeaning, dismissing, and second-guessing you constantly. Additionally, when you care about someone and have invested time in the relationship with them, you want to believe the best of them, and you may convince yourself that you were overreacting in how you interpreted their hurtful actions or words. An emotionally abusive partner may try to gaslight you by telling you outright that you are overreacting, being dramatic, being too emotional, or that you can’t take a joke.

For these reasons and more, it can be tough to detect emotional abuse and see it as a dangerous concern. Even then, survivors of emotional abuse are often hesitant to seek help or tell friends and family about their relationship concerns because they fear they will not be believed or taken seriously. Nonetheless, emotional abuse is serious, and it is not uncommon for emotional abuse to escalate to physical violence. In some relationships this escalation to physical abuse is slow, and in others it can happen rapidly.

So how do you know if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship?

Here are some red flags:
  • Your partner name calls you or demeans you.
  • Your partner tries to control you, your time, and your actions.
  • Your partner tells you what to do and what to wear.
  • Your partner often makes you feel silly or dumb.
  • Your partner questions your reality and says that things that you know happened didn’t happen. This is called gaslighting.
  • Your partner is critical of your appearance.
  • Your partner is jealous of time spent with your friends or family.
  • Your partner punishes you by withholding attention or affection.
  • Your partner doesn’t want you hanging out with someone of another gender.
  • Your partner makes threats to hurt you or others to get what they want.
  • Your partner wants you to ask for permission before doing something or spending time with other people.
  • Your partner monitors where you go and stalks your whereabouts.
  • Your partner doesn’t want you to work.
  • Your partner embarrasses you in public.
  • Your partner does not trust you and acts possessive.
  • Your partner threatens breaking up or divorce to manipulate an argument.
  • Your partner wants access to your phone, your passwords, or your social media.
  • Your partner threatens suicide during arguments.
  • Your partner is constantly accusing you of cheating.
  • Your partner blames you for their unhealthy/abusive behaviors.
  • Your partner makes you feel guilty or immature for not wanting to have sex.
  • Your partner overloads you with compliments and gifts, and then uses that to manipulate you later (love bombing).

If any of these red flags feel familiar to you, know that you do not deserve to be treated that way and that you are not alone. It can be hard to decide what your next step should be, after learning that your relationship is not healthy. You might consider reaching out to a trusted friend or family member to talk about what you have been going through. You can also reach out to our Hotline advocates to talk about next steps and options available to you.

We are here 24/7 via phone, online chat, and text to provide you with education, support, and safety planning. The Hotline is completely free and confidential.

Answers shouldn’t be hard to find.

We're here to help!

What Is The Effect Of Threatening To Break up manipulation?

Among the many tactics, manipulators use to manipulate their partners, threatening to break up can make your partner more likely to commit self-harm during a breakup. This technique is known as Stonewalling. In a relationship, Stonewalling undermines your partner’s compliance and trust. You might want to consult a therapist to help your partner avoid these harmful behaviors. 

As with any manipulative or controlling strategy, it’s essential to understand why stonewalling occurs. It speaks volumes about your emotional maturity. It is the most complex psychological milestone. When you know why your partner chooses to use stonewalling, you can build your empathy muscles, make necessary changes, and develop new relationship strategies. It’s important to recognize when your partner attempts to manipulate you and start a conversation with you.

Stonewalling is a manipulative or controlling strategy.

Stonewalling is one of the most common ways to manage a relationship. Still, there are other ways to deal with this problem as well. This strategy is a way to withdraw from a partner. And provide yourself with a retreat when the relationship becomes too much. Men use this technique as a way to cope with an emotional crisis and to self-soothe. 

John Gottman, a marriage therapist, has conducted extensive research into stonewalling and relationships. He has found that men show greater physiological signs of stress and are more likely to stonewall than women.

The most common form of stonewalling is when a partner refuses to communicate. In most cases, stonewallers are immature and stuck in their ways. This tactic is a way of controlling another person by preventing them from expressing their true feelings or asking for help. 

Moreover, it is considered a form of emotional abuse. While it doesn’t necessarily mean that the other person intentionally manipulates you, it is a very unhealthy way of coping with conflicts.

Couples who engage in stonewalling will eventually end up in a divorce. This tactic will only make things worse for both partners. It inhibits the couple’s ability to resolve conflicts as a team. It also makes petty disagreements escalate into major conflict. Stonewalling will cause you to react with desperation and frustration. That’s why it’s crucial to understand stonewalling and how to counter it

Husband threatens to leave all the time

If your husband threaten you to leave you, he cannot do anything. When he first time do this, tell him you do not care. Many people use threats to break up their relationships to make their partners feel insecure. The most common example of this is threatening to leave your partner. 

However, it’s also a common coping mechanism for many individuals. This behavior is often associated with higher levels of psychological abuse, and it’s also a red flag that your partner is abusing you. However, you should be careful when using threats to break up a relationship. A partner may use them for psychological or physical reasons.

Before addressing the issue of manipulation, you should have a strategy for the conversation. You must not let your partner deny the manipulation. It will make it more difficult for them to continue their behavior. Once you have listed specific examples, it will be harder for your partner to ignore your concerns. Make sure you set consequences and be clear about your intentions.

Suppose you’re still worried about causing a relationship breakup. In that case, you should try to get therapy for emotional disorders and learn to control your impulses. If you’ve been using threats to break up with your partner for some time, you should try to address the underlying issues that make you feel triggered. Most couples have problems that repeat over. It’s essential to recognize that you must address these issues to repair the relationship.

Aother example of threat-to-break-up manipulation is controlling someone’s life. They may try to cut off contact with family members or prevent your partner from going to work or school. They may also use insults to undermine the person’s self-esteem. These insults can include name-calling, highlighting insecurities, and putting someone down. This can make the victim feel as though they deserve the insults. Other threats may involve public humiliation, physical violence, or self-harm.

Constantly threatening to end the relationship

Threatening to end a relationship is a common form of manipulation. When someone has emotionally involved in a relationship, they may assume a breakup will hurt them. Threatening to harm the relationship or yourself further undermines trust and intimacy. Furthermore, people who make such threats usually have low self-esteem and sound like life would be empty without them. In addition, surrendering to such tactics only increases the manipulation.

To avoid being taken advantage of, always communicate directly. By doing so, you’ll be more likely to identify manipulative behavior. Often, these comments are passive-aggressive. This makes it difficult for a person to deny a problem if they attempt to manipulate another person. But, it’s also important to note that consequences must accompany your actions. You also need to establish healthy boundaries and be willing to walk away if the manipulator fails to change.

When you use threats to break up a relationship, you’re attempting to control a person’s emotions. These tactics are common in interpersonal relationships and on a larger scale. Politicians and advertisers routinely try to manipulate voters. You can use these tactics in the workplace. In some cases, the person’s behavior results from a personality disorder. In any case, they’re trying to evade connection in the relationship.

Psychopaths often use threats and intimidation to gain compliance. These tactics may include physical contact, drugs, or alcohol as an excuse for not following their demands. Some manipulators may even use guilt or blame to stop the victim from leaving after a fight. While these tactics may seem subtle, they can be very effective in gaining compliance. The most effective way to recognize if your partner is using this tactic is to look for the warning signs.

Narcissist threatens to break up

One of the most toxic power plays a man can employ is threatening a breakup. The threat to end the relationship is not just emotionally abusive, but it can also be scary. Some people call this tactic holding a relationship hostage. While this may not necessarily be true, it is a sign that something is seriously wrong with the relationship.

Final Words

Many manipulators deflect the conversation away from the victim by offering gifts or diversion. These gifts and distractions are a means of gaining the victim’s compliance. The manipulator retracts positive reinforcement when the victim refuses to comply with the manipulation. This behavior is similar to how a drowning person will clutch at a straw if trapped in water. A manipulator will often shout that they have failed to achieve their goal or whisper that they were successful.

Emotional abuse


  • Emotional abuse of children
  • Types of emotional abuse in relationships
  • Emotional abuse: symptoms
  • How to prevent emotional abuse?

The climate at work and at home is formed as a result of the relationship to each other. Emotional abuse occurs when one person puts pressure on another. At the same time, he uses ridicule, connects threats, resorts to blackmail. The victims of this impact are most often children or women. Signs of psychological abuse do not appear immediately. But, the consequences of moral suppression are more dangerous than the use of physical force. How to recognize emotional abuse and deal with it? nine0003

Emotional abuse of children

The social and psychological behavior of an adult depends on the skills laid down by the parents. Children perceive cruelty and insult from mom and dad painfully, because they consider their parents to be the closest people. Emotional abuse of children manifests itself in the following forms:

Protection from the child. They don't pay attention to him. The child lives by itself, deprived of affection, kind words, emotions and love. Children, deprived of normal emotions, are protected from others, become closed. They are ridiculed at school. As a result, a person is formed who is not able to listen or understand loved ones. nine0023 Insulation. The child is not allowed to walk on the street, meet friends, invite peers home. As a punishment, parents resort to such methods: locking them in a room, forbidding them to attend school discos, and making phone calls.
Humiliation of a child. Parents make fun of appearance, actions. They regularly cite the child's peers as an example, they say that he is worse than others. Abusive words are spoken against the child.

Using the described methods, the emotional abuser gains power over the child. At the same time, it destroys family values ​​and forms a loser, a closed personality. Children who are oppressed by their parents grow up angry and aggressive. nine0003

Types of emotional abuse in relationships

Family relationships are built on understanding, respect and love. If one of the partners uses offensive words, hits on sore spots, interferes with work, meeting with friends, then this indicates a psychological impact.

Types of emotional abuse in relationships:

Low self-esteem. The partner chooses weaknesses and constantly reminds of them. Women react painfully to barbs about appearance, the stronger sex does not accept jokes on the topic of manhood. The task of a tyrant is to completely suppress a person and instill an understanding that no one needs him anymore. nine0023 Intimidation of the victim. The tyrant does not turn to destructive actions, but achieves his goal through blackmail. Threatens to commit suicide, smash furniture. Does not allow the partner to stay calmly at home, constantly pushes, touches, grabs clothes. In such a situation, not far from physical violence.
Economic violence. One spouse puts the other in financial dependence. Issues money for settlement, requires a report. Scolds for every little thing bought.
Protection from society. It follows from the pathological jealousy of the partner. The tyrant prevents meetings with friends, forbids going to work. He resorts to various methods: “accidentally” closes houses, forgets keys, does not transmit information about an important call. nine0003

A person prone to emotional abuse will not miss the chance to ridicule a loved one, both in private and in the presence of other people. The psychological impact also includes pressure from relatives about the time to get married, have children, change jobs. The only way out is to protect yourself from free advice, move, reduce communication to a minimum.

Emotional abuse: signs

Psychological impact will not leave bruises and abrasions on a person, but will cause mental trauma. The victim becomes dependent on the tyrant and is unable to cope on his own. Constant pressure leads to mental disorders. nine0003

What are the signs of emotional abuse?

Stiffness in the presence of a partner. When a person enters a room, everything inside shrinks. You are afraid to move in his presence, talk, eat or drink.
Tendency to change decisions. To please a loved one, adjust to his opinion. You are afraid to anger the tyrant, so you regularly change your mind.
Closure and secrecy. You do not tell what is happening outside the walls of your house. Feelings of shame and fear that someone will find out how your life is going do not leave. nine0023 Feelings of loneliness and low self-esteem. A driven person refuses friends, spends all the time at home. Lives in a state of fear, afraid that they will take away the children, not give money or hit.

How to prevent emotional abuse?

The right way out is to leave the tyrant and start a new life. But, regular mockery of a person leads to the suppression of the victim. Psychological wounds heal heavily and for a long time.

How to prevent emotional abuse? nine0003

Acknowledge bullying. The first step is to admit that you are a victim of emotional abuse. It is important to understand that oppression will result in serious problems, including depression and driving a person to suicide.
Fight back. Tell the tyrant that you don't want to be bullied anymore. When attempting emotional pressure, contact the appropriate authorities. Do not justify the actions and actions of a tyrant.
Don't believe me. If you fight back, the oppressor will not swear. Prayers will follow, requests to believe that everything will change. The tyrant is not ready to part with the victim. Do not give in to the requests and promises of such a person. Change will only happen when the emotional abuser sincerely admits they are wrong and seeks help. nine0003

Emotional abuse leaves a mark on a person's whole life. Do not allow yourself to be treated like this, especially if children are watching this. You become an accomplice in the upbringing of an unstable and notorious personality. Before you fight back against the tyrant, enlist support. Tell your relatives about the sore, contact government services, consult a psychologist. Prepare a plan for leaving: pack your things in advance, alert your friends, find a place to live, collect finances.

Psychological domestic violence against a woman

Emotional and verbal abuse are the most common elements of domestic violence, but they are the least talked about. Psychological domestic violence against a woman is not as obvious as other types of relationship violence. Therefore, the abuse victim may not even realize that they are being emotionally abused by family members.

In this article, we will talk about the main signs of emotional abuse, which will help determine if you or someone you know has been psychologically abused. You will find out what types it takes and what consequences it leads to. In addition, consider what a victim of moral abuse can do to stop it. nine0003

Knowing all of this is the first step to helping yourself or someone else who is in an abusive relationship. Our goal is to help you identify warning signs before it's too late.

Contents of the article

What is psychological violence in the family: definition

According to the website of the European Institute for Gender Equality (, psychological violence is any intentional behavior that causes serious psychological harm to a person. It may take the form of coercion, defamation, verbal abuse, threats or harassment. nine0003

Emotional abuse is defined as the repeated humiliation of another person's mental health and well-being by non-physical acts, according to the American Psychological Association (APA).

The most common scenario of psychological violence against a woman occurs in family relationships, where the husband is the emotional tormentor and the wife is the victim.

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Types of psychological abuse you need to know

According to, psychological abuse takes many forms and falls into one of several categories depending on what the abuser is trying to do. For example:

  1. Homination, depreciation, criticism
  2. Control
  3. shame
  4. Ignoring
  6. Emotional isolation

Consider the signs by which this or that type of psychological impact on the woman can be recognized.

Signs of psychological abuse in a relationship

Humiliation, devaluation, criticism

With the help of harsh and ruthless insults or criticism, a psychological tyrant tries to undermine your self-esteem. Here are some examples:

  1. Labeling. You are called "stupid", "loser", and the child is "stupid", "stupid" and other labels in the same vein. In the event of a confrontation, the abuser passes it off as sarcasm.
  2. Derogatory nicknames. These are not just affectionate names in a relationship, but offensive nicknames under a thin mask. "My skinny match" or "My cow" is not a term of endearment.
  3. Reproaches and accusations using the word "always". You are always late, make mistakes, slow down and so on. nine0006
  4. Screaming. Insults, shouting and swearing are designed to intimidate and make you feel worthless. May be accompanied by punches on objects or throwing things.
  5. Patronizing tone. "Honey, I know what you're trying, but it's just beyond your comprehension."
  6. Depreciation. You tell him something important to you and he says it's nothing. Eye rolls, smirks, head shakes, and sighs all serve the same purpose—to devalue your words and feelings. nine0006
  7. Bad jokes. With their help, the victim is presented as a stupid person.
  8. Sarcasm, mockery. The purpose of the psychological tormentor is to annoy, make you feel bad, bring you to tears. And for your grievances, you hear accusations that you have no sense of humor and you need to stop taking everything so seriously.
  9. Physical insults . You are told that you have ugly hair, hairstyle, and your outfits are tasteless and ridiculous. nine0006
  10. Belittling your accomplishments and interests. You are told that your achievements mean nothing, and you are credited for your success. Your interests are wasted time .
  11. Fraud. You may be cheated on, if not literally, so virtually in games, watching porn movies, to hurt, humiliate or imply that you are not desirable.
  12. Outbursts of anger. Failure to do what a man requires of you can lead to an outburst of anger on his part. After that, you are blamed for all the problems, difficulties of life or misfortunes of the tormentor. nine0006


Control behavior is a red flag in any relationship. Examples of controlling behavior include:

  1. Controlling threats and intimidation. You are threatened that they will take your children away, leave you without money, throw you out on the street. In this way, the fears of a person are manipulated in order to control him.
  2. Monitor your location. The home tyrant wants to know where you are at all times and insists that you return calls or text messages immediately. He can come and check if you really are where they said. nine0006
  3. You should always ask permission. A victim of psychological abuse must always ask the "family dictator" for permission to go to relatives or friends, even if he is not at home.
  4. Digital surveillance. Your correspondence in messengers, e-mail, browsing history, call log is checked. At any time may require account passwords from your social networks or email.
  5. Unilateral decision making. nine0122 Rules and norms are constantly and rudely set for you: how much to eat, when to go to bed or wake up, what to wear and what color or style clothes should be, hairstyle.
  6. Financial control. Full control over the woman's finances and quarrels over imaginary waste. Blocking bank accounts so that a woman, humiliating herself, asks for money for what she needs, and reports for every penny spent.
  7. Your personal time, desire to have a rest is regarded by an emotional tyrant as laziness, shirking from work. Therefore, he tries to constantly add work to you. nine0121


The purpose of the psychological tormentor in this case is to make the woman (children) feel ashamed of their shortcomings. This takes many forms, including:

  1. Lectures and lectures. Long monologues about your behavior make you understand that you are a worthless person and worse than others. The offender constantly fixes and remembers women's flaws, mistakes or shortcomings, in order to then prick her with them, causing a feeling of shame.
  2. False. An emotional tyrant can lie outright, expressing the false opinion of his friends about your "bad" behavior, disrespect for them. After that, you will have to make excuses and prove the opposite for a long time.
  3. Avoiding dialogue and problem solving. In disagreements, all the blame, responsibility and duties are shifted to you, in order to then blame you for incompetence and make you ashamed. It's easier for him to call you "crazy" than to solve the problem.
  4. Simplification. nine0122 You may be criticized for wanting to talk about your feelings, worries, and problems. They may shame you for having a problem or say that you are "making an elephant out of a fly."
  5. Unpredictability. The psychological abuser may explode out of nowhere with rage, and then suddenly shower you with love. Or he will be gloomy and sullen at any mistake you make, forcing you to tiptoe and out of his sight.
  6. Use of others. In his desire to shame the victim, the emotional tormentor may say that "everyone thinks" you are stupid or "everyone says" you are wrong.
  7. Contempt. The woman in the family looks contemptuously, showing her insulting or threatening gestures, figures, hints.
  8. Public ridicule of any shortcomings and secrets of a woman in front of other people. A male abuser loves to tell others about his intimate life with a woman, savoring the details. Because of this, a woman is haunted by a feeling of filth and self-loathing. nine0006

Ignoring and counteracting

Boycott or ignoring is one of the oldest and most severe types of psychological violence in the family. Because of him, a woman feels her rejection, uselessness, and loneliness “eats” her. Here are some signs of being ignored:

  1. Requires respect. A woman is regularly accused of disrespecting a man without recognizing the clear fact of her respect. Therefore, he believes that your apparent disrespect should not go unpunished. (We've put together a few ways a woman can show her respect for a man.) nine0006
  2. Terminated communication. It will ignore your attempts to speak in person, via SMS, or by phone. They basically avoid talking to you, discussing problems, so you feel emotionally depressed.
  3. Dehumanization of the victim. They will turn away from you when you speak or look at something else when talking to you, but not in your eyes.
  4. Silence. When you want to talk about your relationship, you will simply be brushed aside or silently ignored. nine0023
  5. Indifference. He sees how bad you feel or you cry, and does nothing.
  6. There is only "I" and that's it. The psychological abuser tends to put his own emotional needs ahead of yours. The feelings of the victim are ignored or they are deliberately not noticed, since the abuser is focused only on his loved one.
  7. The abuser objects to everything you say. Challenges your perceptions, opinions and thoughts. Treats you like an adversary, effectively saying "no" to everything, so a constructive conversation is impossible. nine0006
  8. Denial of intimacy. He won't take your hand, he won't pat you on the shoulder. May refuse sexual relations in order to punish you or force you to do something.

Blame, Gaslight, and Denial

Because of their insecurities, the abuser wants to create a hierarchy where he is at the top and the victim is at the bottom. Here are some examples:

  1. Jealousy. The man is pathologically jealous and suspicious, accusing you of flirting or cheating. This leads to constant quarrels and suspicions on his part. nine0006
  2. Shifting blame. Through insult and verbal pressure, they try to convince the victim of her constant wrongness, which hurts the offender. The goal is to make them believe that the tormentor is always and in everything right.
  3. Gaslighting or denial of obvious facts. This is one of the most insidious forms of psychological manipulation, when the abuser tries to make you question your own memory and sanity. If you notice that your explicit fears or memories are often dismissed as false, stupid, or far-fetched, you may be experiencing gaslighting. nine0006
  4. Use of guilt. The abuser says something like: “You owe me. Look at all that I have done for you, and you ... ”, - trying to get a confession from his victim.
  5. Incites, then accuses. The abuser knows how to annoy another and can annoy the victim until they get upset. But as soon as the problem begins, it is not he who is to blame for creating it, but the victim.
  6. Denies abuse but blames others. When you complain about his attacks, the abuser denies it, saying that you are the one who mistreats him, and he is just a helpless victim. nine0006
  7. Says you have no sense of humor. He can play an evil joke on you, and if you object, he will accuse you of excessive sensitivity and tearfulness, because you overreact to a "harmless joke." Sadly, a woman is more inclined to blame herself than the tyrant, considering her reaction to the jokes of the tormentor to be wrong.
  8. Blames you for his problems. Everything that is wrong in his life is your fault: you do not support enough; or do; or "put your nose where you need it." You have resigned yourself to the fact that a man will always and by any means achieve what he wants from you. Therefore, you always give in, wanting to reduce the flow of discontent and insults to yourself. nine0006

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Emotional isolation

When psychologically abused, the abuser will try to make the victim feel isolated from others by any means, including:

  1. Prevents you from communicating. Whenever you plan to go outside, he distracts you or begs you not to go out.
  2. Tries to get between you and your family. May cheat by telling your family that you don't want to see them or can't attend family activities. May ridicule or belittle your loved ones, making you feel bad about spending time with them. nine0006
  3. Actively works to turn others against you. He will tell colleagues, friends, and even your family that you are unstable and hysterical.
  4. Interrupts. You are talking on the phone or texting and he interrupts you to focus your attention only on himself.
  5. Total insulation. Prohibits spending time with friends or family. Hides car or apartment keys, locking you in a room or house. Damages or breaks a mobile phone and computer so that the victim cannot contact others. nine0006

Watch a video to help you recognize psychological abuse in a relationship.

What are the consequences of psychological and emotional domestic violence?

Short-term impact

  • Shame
  • Hopelessness
  • Fear
  • Confusion
  • Crankiness, aches and pains
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Muscle tension

The longer the emotional abuse continues, the more prolonged these effects may be.

Long-term impact

According to the study, emotional and psychological abuse can be as damaging as physical abuse and contribute to:

  • depression
  • low self-esteem
  • Chronic fatigue syndrome
  • Fibromyalgia
  • Sensus
  • Chronic pains
  • Panic attacks
  • Social insulation
  • Axiety
  • Wines and feelings that the tormentor is really “bad” or “insignificant”

according to some some studies, emotionally abused children are more likely to develop toxic behaviors and may prefer bad relationships to healthy ones. They may also be more likely to experience emotional abuse again in adulthood. Children who are psychologically abused may develop symptoms such as:

  • Toxic behavior
  • The sense of worthlessness
  • Difficulties with the regulation of emotions
  • Regress
  • Difficulties with confidence in other
  • Disorders of sleep
  • Problems with other
  • ,
  • Preference of poor relations
  • 9000
  • Demolitions. eating behavior
  • obesity and substance use disorders
  • negative thoughts
  • temper tantrums
  • insomnia
  • nightmares

Moreover, the University of Rochester Medical Center claims that the victim of psychological abuse develops a codependent relationship with their abuser.

You can be codependent if:

  • unhappy in a relationship but afraid of an alternative
  • constantly neglecting your own needs for the sake of your tormentor
  • willing to ignore friends and family in order to please your partner
  • seek the approval of your tormentor on any occasion
  • criticize yourself through the eyes of your abuser, ignoring your own merits
  • make many sacrifices, while your partner does not reciprocate
  • prefer to live in an unhealthy relationship than to be alone
  • always bite language and suppress your feelings to keep the peace
  • feel responsible and take the blame for things you didn't do
  • defend your abuser when others point out that he is an emotional tyrant in the family
  • feel guilty when defending yourself
  • think you deserve to be treated
  • believe no one else will ever want to be in a relationship with you
  • you," so you forgive again and again and stay with him.

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How to deal with psychological violence in the family

Recognizing the problem

The first step to stop emotional abuse in a relationship is to acknowledge that it happens. You need to be honest with yourself when you find signs of emotional abuse. This will help you take a sober look at your own life and make reasonable decisions.

Know your rights and the long-term risks of abusive relationships

It's true that emotional abuse is hard to prove, but you have a right to protection even if they refuse to help you. You, like your partner, are entitled to respect. You have the right to have your own opinion and change it, even if someone does not like it. nine0003

You have the right to end a destructive relationship that threatens your mental health. And you have the right to get honest answers to your questions.

These are your rights, so don't let others tell you otherwise. It is important not to remain silent about violence from a man. Tell your tormentor firmly STOP, promising to report to the appropriate authorities if he does not stop his actions.

Stop emotional abuse of a woman

Understand the dangers of psychological abuse in the family and relationships, which can lead to both physical and mental health problems. nine0121 You simply cannot allow the tormentor to continue to inflict psychological trauma on you, even if it means ending the relationship.

Realize that you cannot change a person

You cannot make changes in the heart and mind of a person who is unwilling to change. And to make your partner understand that his behavior hurts you, you don't have to either.

The one who hurts you must want to change himself, admitting that he hurts you with his words and behavior. Even if you tend to defend him in some way due to co-dependency, do not underestimate the pain that he causes you. Staying with someone who does not respect you, but psychologically torments you, is not the kind of heroism you should strive for. nine0003

Make your safety a priority

Recognize that a person who is used to emotionally torturing others rarely changes. And mental abuse can escalate over time and lead to physical abuse. Therefore, your safety should be your priority.

Take care of your needs. Do things that will help you build your self-esteem and think positively.

Get Help

Do you know where to turn for help? Seek professional help and guidance from a psychotherapist who will explain how to act in such situations. A professional psychologist can help you deal with past emotional baggage and boost your self-esteem. nine0003

Talk to close friends, family or a lawyer about your relationship and ask for their support. Tell them about what is happening in your relationship and ask for help in getting out of this situation. You can even agree on a special signal or phrase that you can send when you need help.

Spend more time with those who love and support you. This will help you feel less lonely and isolated.

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Develop a plan to leave

If finances, children, or another valid reason prevent you from leaving the relationship now, develop a plan to leave as soon as possible. Start saving money, look for a place to live after a breakup and a job to support yourself.

End the relationship

Sometimes it is simply pointless to continue the relationship and it is impossible to save it. Therefore, try for the sake of yourself or the children and your mental health to understand whether you need to continue working on these relationships. It is unlikely that the psychological tormentor will change, especially if this is not the first time he promises this. nine0003

Don't cling to painful relationships just because you're afraid to be alone. Just think about all the pain this relationship has caused you and how much more it will cause if you stay in it. Everyone deserves respect and love, including you. Therefore, do not allow psychological pressure to continue over you.

What to do after the end of a relationship

Cut off all contact

After you have ended the relationship with your tormentor, do not allow him to enter your life again, under any circumstances. He can admit his guilt, say that he has changed, promise that now everything will be different, but often this remains just words and empty promises. Don't let it take over your mind again. nine0003

  1. Psychological abuse is likely to recur, especially if he has made similar promises before.
  2. Delete and block all contacts of this person from your phone, email, and even better, change your number.

Start recovering

Take care of your health and remember that the psychological abuse against you was not your fault. No person deserves humiliating and insulting treatment. So you don't deserve to be treated like this. nine0003

Do something that brings you joy and good mood. Walk more, relax, do fitness, start keeping a diary in which you write down the good things that happened to you that day. All this will help you recover emotionally and teach you to value yourself.

Causes of psychological violence in the family against a woman

  1. Feelings of anger, pain, fear or impotence of the offender. He may have been humiliated and hurt emotionally as a child. Therefore, he grew up as an insecure person with low self-esteem, embittered and ignorant of healthy, positive family relationships; nine0006
  2. An emotional tyrant grew up surrounded by permissiveness, high self-esteem, exaggeration of his abilities and talents. This brought up a sense of superiority over other people, the idea that he was allowed to treat a woman as he pleased. (We recommend reading an article about perverted narcissists in relationships and their methods of influencing a woman).
  3. Men who use domestic violence, both psychological and emotional, have a high level of personality disorders: borderline, narcissistic and antisocial personality disorder. nine0006
  4. Using emotional pressure to control one's family.
  5. Some men feel they have a right to have unconditional sex with their partner.

Why women endure psychological and emotional abuse

Women endure and are ready to continue to endure mistreatment from their partner for several reasons:

  1. They are not aware of it, especially when they grew up in a family environment where violence against their mother was the norm father's behaviour. nine0006
  2. They are afraid to end the relationship, falsely thinking that the chosen one is a good person. He will be re-educated over time, but the best is still not found. Therefore, most women are silent about how a man treats them.
  3. They mistakenly think that in marriage, physical or psychological violence is the norm. And it's better than being a single woman.
  4. Victims of psychological abuse often do not view abuse as offensive. They deny or minimize violence to cope with stress. nine0006
  5. Economic and housing dependence on a man
  6. Manipulation of parental rights over children
  7. Threats, intimidation

Answers to questions

1). Why does psychological abuse occur in families and relationships?

Domestic violence is associated with power and control . By scaring someone, the violent person maintains power and control in the relationship.

2). Is the victim of psychological abuse to blame for what happens to her? nine0003

No excuses for emotional abuse in family and relationships . It is unacceptable and cannot be justified by feelings, family circumstances, past experiences, or use of alcohol and drugs. A person who has experienced domestic violence is never at fault .

3). What is the difference between emotional and psychological abuse?

Their difference is in the factor of influence on the mental abilities of the victim. Emotional abuse influences how a person feels, while psychological abuse influences what a person thinks. nine0003

4). Can you sue someone for emotional abuse?

Courts recognize the consequences of emotional abuse as one of the types of damages that can be recovered under civil or criminal law. This means that you can sue a psychological abuser if you can provide evidence to support your claims.

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A few tips in conclusion

  1. Be sure to contact a professional psychologist who will help you overcome fears and anxiety in order to restore your self-esteem and get rid of any kind of pressure from a man. nine0006
  2. If you are giving another chance to a verbal tyrant, then set clear boundaries for what is permitted in the relationship. Calmly but firmly tell the man that you no longer intend to endure his screams, insults and rudeness and you do not like the way he treats you. Set rules of conduct and give him some sort of ultimatum if he wants to keep the relationship.
  3. Stop seeing only your shortcomings in relationships, as if there are some problems with you.
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