Emotional abuse test for men

What is emotional abuse? | The National Domestic Violence Hotline

“I don’t want you going out with them. I trust you; I just don’t trust them.”

“You know you can’t get anyone better than me. You are lucky to be with me.”

“Are you sure you want to eat that? I’m just attracted to someone who takes care of themselves.”

“You’re so dumb. I knew this would be over your head.”

Do any of these sentences sound familiar? If so, you might be in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Many people hear the word “abuse” and think of physical violence. Physical abuse is one type of abuse, but it is certainly not the only one.

According to The Hotline’s 2020 Data, 95% of contacts stated they were experiencing emotional abuse. Emotional abuse may not be what most people think about when they picture abuse, but that does not make it any less real or less serious. Because of its subtleties, emotional abuse can be quite difficult to detect when it is being experienced. Emotional abuse is also a foundation for other forms of abuse. Often, it is used erode a person’s self-esteem and self-worth and create a psychological dependency on the abusive partner. Let’s look at what emotional abuse is and how to know if emotional abuse is present in your relationship.

Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors that are meant to control, isolate, or frighten you. This may present in romantic relationships as threats, insults, constant monitoring, excessive jealousy, manipulation, humiliation, intimidation, dismissiveness, among others. Sometimes emotional abuse is more obvious, like a partner yelling at you or calling you names. Other times it can be more subtle, like your partner acting jealous of your friends or not wanting you to hang out with someone of another gender. While these emotionally abusive behaviors do not leave physical marks, they do hurt, disempower, and traumatize the partner who is experiencing the abuse.

Over time, emotional abuse can wear down a person’s self-worth, confidence, and their mental and emotional strength.

It’s difficult to feel sure of yourself when a partner is demeaning, dismissing, and second-guessing you constantly. Additionally, when you care about someone and have invested time in the relationship with them, you want to believe the best of them, and you may convince yourself that you were overreacting in how you interpreted their hurtful actions or words. An emotionally abusive partner may try to gaslight you by telling you outright that you are overreacting, being dramatic, being too emotional, or that you can’t take a joke.

For these reasons and more, it can be tough to detect emotional abuse and see it as a dangerous concern. Even then, survivors of emotional abuse are often hesitant to seek help or tell friends and family about their relationship concerns because they fear they will not be believed or taken seriously. Nonetheless, emotional abuse is serious, and it is not uncommon for emotional abuse to escalate to physical violence. In some relationships this escalation to physical abuse is slow, and in others it can happen rapidly.

So how do you know if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship?

Here are some red flags:

Your partner name calls you or demeans you.
Your partner tries to control you, your time, and your actions.
Your partner tells you what to do and what to wear.
Your partner often makes you feel silly or dumb.
Your partner questions your reality and says that things that you know happened didn’t happen. This is called gaslighting.
Your partner is critical of your appearance.
Your partner is jealous of time spent with your friends or family.
Your partner punishes you by withholding attention or affection.
Your partner doesn’t want you hanging out with someone of another gender.
Your partner makes threats to hurt you or others to get what they want.
Your partner wants you to ask for permission before doing something or spending time with other people.
Your partner monitors where you go and stalks your whereabouts.
Your partner doesn’t want you to work.
Your partner embarrasses you in public.
Your partner does not trust you and acts possessive.
Your partner threatens breaking up or divorce to manipulate an argument.
Your partner wants access to your phone, your passwords, or your social media.
Your partner threatens suicide during arguments.
Your partner is constantly accusing you of cheating.
Your partner blames you for their unhealthy/abusive behaviors.
Your partner makes you feel guilty or immature for not wanting to have sex.
Your partner overloads you with compliments and gifts, and then uses that to manipulate you later (love bombing).

If any of these red flags feel familiar to you, know that you do not deserve to be treated that way and that you are not alone. It can be hard to decide what your next step should be, after learning that your relationship is not healthy. You might consider reaching out to a trusted friend or family member to talk about what you have been going through. You can also reach out to our Hotline advocates to talk about next steps and options available to you.

We are here 24/7 via phone, online chat, and text to provide you with education, support, and safety planning. The Hotline is completely free and confidential.

Answers shouldn’t be hard to find.

We're here to help!

Am I being abused? Find out with our FREE Emotional Abuse Test

Take the FREE Emotional Abuse Test.

Know the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship

More than ONE MILLION INDIVIDUALS have taken this scientific-based Emotional Abuse Test!*

Emotional Abuse Test

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The Emotional Abuse Test explained

Emotional abuse is a form of psychological abuse and occurs when one individual dominates another. This type of abuse can take many forms such as insults, criticism, belittling, name-calling, threats, and physical violence (domestic violence requires its own type of solution).

The Emotional Abuse Test is a tool to help determine if you are in an abusive relationship. If you answer “yes” to any of the questions on this test, there is a chance you are being emotionally abused by your husband or wife, or boyfriend or girlfriend.

If you are in a high-conflict relationship, it is important to know the common signs of abuse to determine if you are emotionally abused.

Please note: that verbal abuse, mental abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse, domestic violence, and financial abuse are all variations of emotional abuse. This professional emotional abuse quiz is based on the work of Brian Jory, Ph.D. in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy.

Emotional Abuse Test — 15 easy to answer questions

This emotional abuse quiz is completely FREE
No email is required
Immediate results
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FREE Bonus: Get The 12 PRINCIPLED POSITIONS To End The Abuse found at the end of this post. Print it out and use it as a guide to stop emotional abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse, or financial abuse.

Note: The results of this Emotional Abuse Test are not definitive, and for the most accurate results seek the counsel of a certified relationship specialist. The author of this site, Abe Kass, assumes no responsibility for any inaccuracies or unintended misinformation. The user of this Emotional Abuse Test and associated information does so at his or her own risk.

Here is the meaning of the test results from your emotional abuse quiz:

0 – 2 POINTS

Based on your emotional abuse quiz score, likely there is no emotional abuse in your relationship.

You have a healthy relationship. Your partner behaves respectfully and kindly towards you. You are fortunate!

Hopefully, you also treat your partner with kindness and respect.

Your relationship future looks good.

3 – 7 POINTS

Based on your emotional abuse quiz score, likely you are reasonably safe from emotional abuse, or if it is present, it is minor.

However, if you and your partner are not careful, your relationship could slip into a situation where it becomes abusive.

Monitor relationship interactions that include bickering, anger, reduced romance/sex, or ignoring each other. Find out if you are in a toxic relationship and need to take preventative action to prevent abuse as explained in the section about cures for a toxic relationship.

Relationship problems that are not dealt with can become chronic, difficult to reverse, and eventually lead to a pattern of abuse.

8 – 12 POINTS

Based on your test score, it is likely you are being emotionally abused.

You are advised to make positive changes in your relationship to establish safety and to prevent the abuse from getting worse.

It is important to know that your partner may not intend to hurt you. They may benefit from learning relationship skills so they know how to behave properly. For example, some individuals upon learning anger management skills go on to stop their abusive behavior.

Let your partner take this emotional abuse quiz to increase their awareness of what emotional abuse is and how to avoid it.

Assistance from a qualified professional relationship specialist can be of great assistance as well as self-help programs such as books, audio programs, or courses on abuse.

Consider buying my book on emotional abuse. The 15 Essential Facts Victims of Emotional Abuse Need to Know. It is easy to read, inexpensive, and available as an immediate download or as a paperback from Amazon. See below to learn more about The 15 Essential Facts Victims of Emotional Abuse Need to Know.

13 and MORE POINTS

Based on your Emotional Abuse Test score, it seems like there are dangerous levels of emotional abuse in your relationship.

Your test results suggest that you find a professional who is experienced and knowledgeable on abuse to help you fully assess the levels of the abuse in your relationship. You need to be certain you and other family members are safe from physical violence. After you know you are safe, you can then consider your options to free yourself from your emotionally abusive situation.

Your emotional abuser MUST change for the better if you are to have a loving, respectful, and friendship-based relationship and healthy self-esteem.

However, if your abuser will not change, you need to evaluate whether you should continue to live with him or her.

The longer you remain in an abusive relationship, the greater the risk of serious injury and long-term harm. To protect yourself, and if you have children to protect them as well, you need to develop with the help of others, a realistic plan to free yourself from abuse.

Knowledge is power. Learn more about abuse. Buy my book on emotional and other types of abuse, The 15 Essential Facts Victims of Emotional Abuse Need to Know. It is inexpensive and available as an immediate download or as a paperback from Amazon. See below to learn more about The 15 Essential Facts Victims of Emotional Abuse Need to Know.

Emotional Abuse Hurts

* This Emotional Abuse Test is adapted and modified by Abe Kass from THE INTIMATE JUSTICE SCALE: AN INSTRUMENT TO SCREEN FOR PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE AND PHYSICAL VIOLENCE IN CLINICAL PRACTICE By Brian Jory, Ph.D. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, January 2004, Volume 30, Number 1, 29 – 44. You can read this article at Wiley Online Library, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy

Learn more about emotional abuse

The more you know about emotional abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse, or financial abuse, the greater will be your protection from this relationship disease.

Emotional abuse warning signs

Does the following describe your relationship?

Does your partner insist he or she is always right and you are always wrong?
Do you have the feeling that your partner wants you to admit that he or she is superior to you?
Do you tiptoe around your partner for fear of triggering an angry outburst?
Is your partner often grumpy, irritable, or disagreeable?
Does your partner withhold affection?
Does your partner threaten to commit suicide if you leave him or her?
Does your partner break items or hide your things?
Does your partner threaten to take the children from you?
Does your partner threaten you?
Is your partner selfish and uncooperative?
Does your partner insist you have sex even when you don’t want to?
Is your partner easily angered and slow to calm down?
Does your partner threaten or bully you when he or she doesn’t get his or her way?
Do you always feel unloved or misunderstood by your partner?

If you answer “yes” to any of these questions, it is likely you are emotionally abused. You need to learn more to find out the truth — are you in an abusive relationship or not? If you have not yet taken the Emotional Abuse Test, do it now to find out if you are being abused and how bad it may be.

Profile of an abuser

Does your abuser think he or she is:

Smarter than you (more educated, more religious, etc.)
Stronger than you (emotionally or physically)
More privileged than you (has more money, comes from a better family, has a better job, etc.)
More aggressive than you and thus has the right to control you (“might-makes-right”)
If your abuser is a man, he may believe he has gender-based rights mistakenly thinking society or religion gives him the right to control you

An abuser uses these false arguments and gaslighting to justify his or her actions to hurt and control you. Don’t be fooled by these tactics.

Everybody has a human right to be treated with respect, dignity, and equality. No one deserves to be abused!

Long term effects of living with an emotionally abusive relationship

Emotionally abusive relationships are painful in every way. Abused individuals suffer from debilitating anxiety, depression, and loss of self-esteem.

When emotional abuse goes unchallenged, there remains the very real possibility of domestic violence leading to physical injury and a trip to the hospital or an arrest by the police or both!

If children are witnesses to an emotionally abusive relationship, their trust in their parents will be eroded and instead of learning healthy relationship skills, they are learning the opposite. Being in the presence of an emotionally abusive relationship is harmful in many ways.

The longer the emotionally abusive situation continues, the more difficult it will be for you to heal once the abuse has stopped.

Accepting an emotionally abusive relationship is harmful to everyone in your household!

Abuse Hurts Everyone!

Don’t accept abuse

Understand that respect and kindness are a ‘human right’ — not something that needs to be earned.

You are not to blame for any abuse in your relationship. The fault for the abusive relationship lies with your abuser — and it is he or she who must learn how to be reasonable, kind, and respectful.

If someone is treating you abusively, you need to take decisive action to end the abuse.

Not every selfish, unloving, or angry partner is an abuser

Some partners, although very unpleasant to be around, simply lack the skills to control their anger and behave with consistent kindness, sensitivity, and friendship, but they are not abusers.

Emotional abusers are not only selfish, unloving, and angry, they ALSO seek to control their partners. Abusers want to dominate, make all the decisions, and direct every aspect of their partner’s life.

If your partner is not trying to control you, his or her bad behavior is likely based on relationship ignorance and not abuse.

Knowing the truth about your relationship — if it is abusive or not — is necessary so you can take practical steps to improve your relationship, protect yourself, and protect other family members.

A non-abusive, unpleasant partner can be helped by learning relationship skills. Such a partner has no interest in controlling you. He or she selfishly wants to get his or her way. And yes, this is ‘wrong’ — but it is NOT abuse!

There are many types of relationship conflicts that look like an emotionally abusive situation, but are not. Learn as much as you can about abuse so you can make an accurate assessment of what you need to do to fix your relationship.

Take my Take the Free Healthy Relationship Quiz to learn more about the quality of your relationship.

You think you are in an abusive relationship! What next?

You took the Emotional Abuse Test and the results indicate high levels of emotional abuse.

If you are in an emotionally abusive situation, you need to find an effective way to stop this abuse!

Learn as much as you can about the warning signs of abuse and the damage abuse causes.

After you have become knowledgeable as to what abuse is, the next step is to take a strong stand to reject abuse and protect yourself.

Read carefully the following 12 decisions YOU need to make to stop being abused:

The 12 PRINCIPLED POSITIONS To End The Abuse

1. Make a decision for yourself and take a firm stand that you will not allow your partner to humiliate, shame, degrade, curse, or threaten you.

2. Make a decision for yourself and take a firm stand that you will not allow your partner to intimidate, control or force you to do something you don’t want to do.

3. Make a decision for yourself and take a firm stand that you will not allow your partner to dismiss your feelings, ideas, or values.

4. Systematically ignoring you is emotional abuse. Do not accept such treatment from your partner.

5. Make a decision for yourself and take a firm stand that you will not surrender your independence and autonomy by submitting to your partner’s will.

6. Make a decision for yourself not to accept extreme selfishness from your partner to the point where it is dismissive of your needs and wants.

7. Make a decision for yourself and take a firm stand that you will not allow your partner to isolate you from family or friends.

8. Make a decision for yourself and take a firm stand that you will not allow your partner to withhold money or confiscate your personal belongings such as car keys, phone, or other personal property.

9. Make a decision for yourself and take a firm stand that you will not allow your partner to touch you in a hostile way or threaten to do so by making his hand into a fist, or getting very close to your face with his face, or any other menacing and threatening way.

10. Make a decision for yourself and take a firm stand that you will not allow your partner to behave in an extremely jealous and possessive way that impacts your peace of mind, challenges your dignity, and restricts your freedom.

11. Make a decision to get outside help to stop the abuse. DON’T REMAIN SILENT. Don’t cooperate and allow the abuse to continue!

12. Recognize that you do not need to live as an abused person. If you want, you can leave your abusive partner.

Taking the Emotional Abuse Test is not enough!

After taking the Emotional Abuse Test, if you learn you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, you need to know how to stop the abuse and protect yourself and other family members.

Abusive relationships will not fix themselves! However, emotionally abusive relationships can often be fixed, but only when you take appropriate action.

Know your abuser CAN change for the better IF he or she wants to. No one forces him or her to be emotionally abusive, verbally abusive, psychologically abusive, sexually abusive, or financially abusive!

However, you must start the process to stop the abuse.

Note: Physical abuse or domestic violence is more dangerous than emotional abuse. Sadly, many individuals have been injured or even murdered by their partners. Physical violence or domestic violence requires special remedies and is NOT measured in this emotional abuse quiz.

Learn more about what to do if there is physical violence or domestic violence in your relationship.

Get more information on domestic violence at the National Network To End Domestic Violence.

Next step to stop the abuse

For 30-plus years as a professional couples therapist, I have been working to help individuals change their abusive relationships into ones of respect and love.

Now you can have my professional guidance to help you free yourself from abuse!

For only a few dollars, you can get my book, The 15 Essential Facts Victims of Emotional Abuse Need to Know.

Knowledge is POWER! Protect yourself, and free yourself from living with emotional abuse by learning more.

Get Professional Help From Marriage Therapist Abe Kass MA RSW RMFT

In this authoritative guide, The 15 Essential Facts Victims of Emotional Abuse Need to Know, you will learn:

The many ways that emotional abuse destroys relationships
The different types of emotional abuse that victims suffer from
The difference between normal marital conflict and an emotional abuse marriage or an emotionally abusive relationship
The role of anger in emotional abuse
Gender differences in how abuse is expressed
The five dynamics that characterize emotional abuse
Why, if you are the victim of emotional abuse, it is not your fault
The answer to the important question: Can emotional abusers change?
What to do if there is physical abuse or domestic violence in your marriage or committed relationship
How to prevent emotional abuse in the future
and much more

Act now to stop the abuse

No one should agree to live in an abusive relationship.

If you are in an abusive relationship, you need to reclaim your human right to be treated with dignity, respect, and equality.

Get more help from qualified professionals:

American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy

The Canadian Association for Marriage and Family Therapy

Am I emotionally abused? - Take the online test

Is emotional abuse present in your life and, if so, how strong is its influence?

Emotional abuse is a way to control another person by manipulating their emotions in order to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame and so on. Relationships are considered emotionally abusive if there are systematically offensive words, ridicule, intimidation, suppression of free will, cruel coercion in communication. Such communication undermines a person's self-esteem and his mental health. nine0005

Psychological (a. k.a.) emotional abuse, while most common in romantic relationships, can occur in any relationship, including between friends, family members (parent-child, siblings), and co-workers.

Emotional abuse is one of the most complex forms of abuse and is difficult to recognize. It can be subtle and insidious or overt and manipulative. In any case, this undermines the victim's self-esteem, and he begins to doubt his perception of reality. nine0005

Ultimately, the victim feels trapped. Often victims of emotional abuse are too hurt to endure a relationship, but also too afraid to leave their abuser. Thus, the cycle simply repeats itself until the victim gains the strength to end the relationship.

(In this test, I collected all the forms of emotional abuse known to me. If you know or remember other specific examples that were not in the test, I ask everyone to fill out this Google form (anonymously) https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1Qg1ADhBrlWtunsma4q5CotkjvenhxjuNeMJthS9WeBI/edit?usp=sharing

and report cases you know. This will help complement the test, which in turn will help abuse victims who, although uncomfortable, think that such an attitude is the norm and do not yet understand that they are being emotionally abused. Thank you!

*I've already included many of the examples of emotional abuse I've been poisoned on a google form. Huge thanks to every respondent for your input!)

DISCLAIMER

The results of this test should not be taken as expert judgment. If you suspect that you have a psychological trauma, I strongly recommend that you contact an experienced specialist for advice.

DISCLAIMER

The author is in no way responsible for the topicality, correctness, completeness or quality of the information provided. Claims against the author regarding material or moral damage due to the use or non-use of the information provided or the use of erroneous and incomplete information are completely excluded. All offers are non-binding and non-binding. The author reserves the categorical right to change, supplement or completely or partially delete the contents of this page without special advance warning.p

By using this test, you agree to the Disclaimer. If you do not agree with any provision of the Disclaimer, do not use this test.

The information in this quiz is provided free of charge, and by using this quiz you agree to waive any claims against the author related to the content of the quiz.

THE TEST IS CREATED ON THE BASIS OF LEARNING FROM THE BOOK "HEALING THE SCARS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE" BY GREGORY L. JANTZ PH. D, ANN MCMURRAY

If the partner does not hit, but takes away the will. 7 Ways to Recognize Psychological Abuse

Moral abuse is an even more subtle topic than physical abuse. The partner does not drink, does not raise his hand to you, but deprives you of the will psychologically.

With the recognition of physical violence, modern people are more or less clear. Thanks to the educational work of psychologists, it is no longer a secret that violence is not necessarily sexual coercion or beatings. Keep a person at home when he wants to leave or, on the contrary, not let him in when he wants to go home; taking away keys, phone, documents or money to make it difficult for him to move around is also physical abuse. Yelling or hitting a wall/table to break your will during an outbreak of conflict is physical abuse, even if no one has even touched you (yet). An abusive partner intuitively argues very simply: rough physical actions in your presence, in front of your eyes, frighten you and paralyze your will. nine0005

But what about moral violence? There is no noise, no destruction. No punches, no slaps. No broken things, no other people's letters read without permission. How to recognize him? Let's look at the types of psychological abuse.

Let's start with the harmless. Hearing that you don't want to visit his parents again this weekend, your partner silently draws a face. The look was covered with frost, lips in a thread. He says OK. But his voice! It's like he just wrote you a ticket. Clearly, guests cannot be canceled (you guessed it). nine0005

2. Partial disregard. Filter questions according to your goals. If you cut a pancake cake, then it is striped on the cut. It also looks like "on the cut" communication with a moral abuser. Some answers are successful, others are not.

How about Friday? I miss you.

— Yes, dear!

— And who is Masha Hibiscus, does she flirt with you on Facebook?

He does not answer.

— Honey, what do you want for dinner?

- Please bake my favorite sea bass with lemon and rosemary. nine0005

— Hey, why do you talk on the phone from the bathroom in the evenings with the shower on? Do you have someone?

He does not answer.

You can, of course, go for broke, wait for the meeting and ask: why do you skip uncomfortable questions? In such cases, moral rapists have other tricks.

3. Stare without comment. This is when he is the Kaa Boa, and you ... you yourself understand who.

- Dear, we could reschedule the trip out of town, I absolutely need to get to this conference for work. nine0005

In response, he looks at you without looking away.

- Did I ask something wrong?

Without blinking, he continues to pierce the bridge of your nose with his eyes.

You got scared and your question disappeared somewhere. Then, when you ask: “Are you not happy that I refused that conference, because you were so against it ...”, he will say with a yawn: “I was against it? Stop blaming me for your own mistakes." And he will be right. He didn't say he was against it. He just looked between your eyes. By the way, try to squeal that he somehow looked wrong. He will say: “Did I watch? I stood with my back to you and mixed Cointreau with a martini. Perhaps you drank too much that evening? And it's already called... nine0005

4. Gaslighting. Detective film "Gas Light" in 1948 about how a young wife became a hostage to her husband's criminal goals. He made her look crazy in the eyes of her relatives, and most importantly, made her doubt her own sanity. Gaslighting refers to the intentional "madness" of another person. The gaslighter deliberately asserts and even "proves" that the victim's psyche is flawed and cannot be relied upon. And the victim believes. Your friend does small things (like lying a little all the time) or even some big things (spending the general money on his personal climbing equipment, blackmailing you into having an abortion, or sleeping with your girlfriend). And then he says one of the phrases: “What is wrong with you?”, “Are you in a bad mood?”, “It’s not true, we agreed”, “You yourself wanted this”, “Oh, are you starting again?”, “I don’t meant it”, “You misunderstood me”, “It never happened”. In romantic relationships, gaslighters use the universal property of falling in love - regression. Are you in love and feel like a little child? So nice to submit to a wise and charismatic friend? Let him do as he sees fit, to dissolve in it - a pleasure? If your man is strong and mature, he will thank you for your trust and will only love you more. If you are dealing with a moral abuser, waking up from love, you will find yourself in a relationship where you decide nothing and where everything is against you if you do not agree with it. And to the question "why is everything so?" He will say: "You yourself wanted this." And he will be right. nine0005

5. Blackmail, shame or guilt and seduction. Your friend reports that because of a missed visit to the family nest, mom has a bad heart, dad tore his meniscus while running to the pharmacy, and he is now so upset that he doubts the prospects of your relationship. (as usual, he looks down the bridge of your nose). In this example, the whole “package” is visible: the manipulation of guilt, an attempt to shame / scare you, blackmail by breaking up a relationship. If you come to your senses and immediately promise everything that you refused yesterday, he will immediately become nice and make amends with affection, sex or a walk in your favorite park. nine0005

6. Ignoring, disappearing for the purpose of punishment. The once-famous pediatrician Benjamin Spock did not recommend going in at night to a crying baby so that he would "understand" that good babies sleep at night, and do not cry. At the same time, another doctor, John Bowlby, with numbers in his hands, proved that the baby, again and again experiencing the inability to call on his mother, plunges into "anaclitic depression", from which he can even die despite complete care. We also experience a weak solution of infantile horror-despair when a dear person disappears “from the radar” without any comments. Moral abusers intuitively use this tool to intimidate their partners: “Nice girls don’t ask their lover uncomfortable questions about flirting and phone calls from the bathroom. Twitch, sort out our quarrel on the personnel. Find the mistake, guess where you were wrong. And the day after tomorrow, perhaps, I will forgive you.” nine0005

7. He is actually the victim. Remember that Sunday when you didn't want to go to visit, and he heavily hinted that he would leave you? If one day you risk outplaying him and immediately react with blackmail for blackmail, you will be amazed at the enchanting metamorphosis. Say: “Darling, I get so upset when they put pressure on me that I don’t even know what the prospects for our relationship are ...” - here you need to look at him for a long time between the eyebrows. I know a story when yesterday's moral rapist cried for two weeks without a break and littered all the messengers of his girlfriend with pleas to forgive him. It turned out he was unaware of her discomfort. When blackmail stops working, and seduction is inappropriate, he presses on pity. You soften and everything starts again. nine0005

The core of any violence is the object manipulation of another person. Even wrapped in politeness, seduction or cunning, violence betrays itself according to the main feature - in a relationship you are an object, not a subject, not a person, not a person with his own feelings and will. And they treat you like an object: they manipulate you functionally, sorting through different techniques, looking for master keys. If you are malleable, use soft tricks. If soft ones are not effective, use pressure.

Very often a partner prone to psychological violence alternates aggression with seduction. As soon as you stop bending, he becomes charming and in a deep velvety voice asks you for reconciliation. And gives a ticket for a musical or a tour to Bali. You relax, and after a couple of days he again scolds you, drills his eyes and punishes you with silence.

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