They just want relations not relationships

Why Does He Keep Me Around If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship? – The Feminine Woman – Dating, Love & Relationship Advice for Women

Why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship? Can’t he just let me go?

Why does he keep getting in touch and stringing me along?

“It’s annoying! If he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me, then just get out of my life!”

I get this question a lot and here’s the short answer…

It benefits him more to keep you around than it benefits him to let you go.

Pretty simple right?

A guy keep you around because unless you’re super needy, a stalker, a violent woman, or causing him and the other people in his life too much grief, it benefits him more to keep you around.

It benefits him to keep you around because for men, women are a resource.

QUIZ TIME: Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with this specially crafted quiz! (All the answers you seek about him lie within these 8 questions. )

See, while I was thinking about this topic, I was pondering this concept of women being a resource to men. And whilst I was thinking, I came up with the perfect term that I think will help you understand this behavior in men.

This term is “the harem effect”.

Perhaps if I describe it like this, it will help you understand the basic, biological reason why a man would want to try to keep you around if he doesn’t want a relationship.

Plus, here’s a video I made which answers the question: why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship?

Table of Contents

What on Earth is

“The Harem Effect”?

The definition of harem is: a group of female animals sharing a single mate. Or the women occupying a harem; the wives (or concubines) of a polygamous man.

Ok, so you’re not in a polygamous relationship with a man. In fact, you may be the only woman in this man’s life.

But just think about the harem effect like this:

For many men, having at least 1 woman around is better than not having any women around.

He doesn’t have to have many girlfriends, concubines or wives around. All he needs is a minimum – key word minimum – of one girlfriend. One is better than none.

If he were to just let you go, where would the benefit be in that?

If you’re not causing him too much trouble, why let you go?

Causing trouble meaning, you know, like letting loose with your anger and scratching him. Biting him, egging his car, or stalking him, his family or his cat.

If you’re not that crazy, then why would he make the decision of his own accord to let you go?

If he made the choice to get rid of you, then he’d be cutting himself off from accessing sex.

Have a think about that.

If he let you go, he’d be saying ‘no’ to sex.

And what man would want to do that, unless:

The woman was extremely low value
He felt no attraction for the woman; or
Perhaps she caused him serious trouble?

By the way, it’s imperative, if you don’t want a man to string you along for all the wrong reasons, that you not only test him, but also avoid showing all the common signs of low value.

Why?

Because men can see it when a woman is showing up low value, and the toxic men will prey on her and try to take from her.

But not just the toxic men, the desperate men, too. The men who may otherwise be “nice”, but are just too sex deprived or morally corrupt to see themselves do the right thing by a woman.

So, always avoid showing up low value. The tricky part is that some behaviors that seem “innocent” and normal for women can be extremely low value in the eyes of men, who have a completely different reproductive agenda to us.

Did you know that there are 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value to all men?

Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?

CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report. (Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)

Now: let me give you the short answer to the question of why he keeps you around…

Why Does He Keep Me Around If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship?

Because for him, the idea of a “relationship” means more investment and energy.

This investment and energy wouldn’t be as much of a problem for him if there was enough emotional attraction and emotional connection in the relationship.

With these two ingredients: emotional attraction and emotional connection, you can get any man to fall in love with you, and once a man falls in love, he forms a pair bond with you.

This pair bond leads to him actually desperately wanting to commit to you – for life.

Without emotional attraction and emotional connection, he’ll just keep you around and put in the bare minimum of effort.

CUE:
How To Build Emotional Connection With A Man: Game Changer.
How to Create Emotional Attraction With A Man & 5 Signs He Feels It.

And:
How Do Guys Get Emotionally Attached? 5 Triggers In Men You Must Know.

Now: what’s the long answer to this question of why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship?

He Wants To “Hoard” You

Yes, indeed. He wants to hoard you. In other words, he wants to make sure he gets access to you (to the exclusion of other men) while he still can.

Better still if he can keep you locked away in his basement and keep you all to himself (I’m so joking here. But you get the picture).

Once you have gotten a woman to open up and have sex with you, then this woman can give you a steady supply of sex for as long as you are willing to keep her around in your life.

Remember that men produce plenty of sperm. Too much, in fact.

So much that it has to get out. For a young guy, ONE DAY without masturbation or “release” feels like a lifetime.

The 300 million sperm that they produce per day just builds up!

SPECIAL REPORT: How to Become the World’s Most Attractive & Feminine Goddess (Even if you have no self esteem or no man has ever paid you any attention…) CLICK HERE to download it at no cost.

Men’s Sperm Production Is Like THIS?!

One day, my husband gave me an interesting analogy to help me understand this peculiar phenomenon.

He once compared this purely physical need that men have for ejaculation or “release” to my need to breastfeed our sons (wait what?). Bear with me on this one!

So I’ve exclusively breastfed all 3 of our sons for up to 2 years each.

As many breastfeeding moms would know, what happens if you breastfeed your baby exclusively and on demand, is that the supply of breast milk builds up in your breasts. And it builds up often!

In fact, when you produce enough milk to feed your baby exclusively for 6 months and beyond, your breasts will sometimes become engorged and painfully hard (and oh do I remember those days).

So, let’s say your baby is napping for longer than it normally would and he or she hasn’t “removed” the built-up milk from your breasts.

This becomes very uncomfortable for a mother, causing her to need release.

By release, I mean she needs to feed her baby in order to remove milk build up and to feel better.

Otherwise the feeling distracts you and overtakes your life.

When His Sperm Builds Up, That’s When He Needs YOU

Do you understand where I’m getting at with this?

It’s the same with men and sperm. The sperm builds up quickly, and if there’s a woman around to “take” or “receive” that sperm in some way, that makes him one lucky man!

If there’s only one woman around (ie: you) to receive that sperm, that’s better than none.

It’s much better than just masturbating by himself to get rid of that sperm. For a man.

Again, unless you’re abusive, violent or a stalker. In that case, the cost of having you around would outweigh the benefits of keeping you around.

(Just for the record, in case anyone takes the analogy regarding breastfeeding to mean that my husband pressures me into sex, nothing could be further from the truth.)

He was just helping me understand the reality of life as a man, since this phenomenon isn’t easy for me to understand as a woman. I wanted to appreciate the reason why many men always seem “ready to go”, and such is the analogy I got. lol.

Men Don’t Get Attached The Same Way You Do

I’ve said this before so many times. Men can have sex with the same woman for ten years, and not become attached.

Yes, of course they also CAN get attached after having sex with a woman for 10 years, it is possible, when you look at the hormones of love in men and women.

For example, when men and women have sex, at the point of orgasm, levels of vasopressin dramatically increase in men, and levels of oxytocin dramatically increase in women.

This CAN cause a sense of “fusion” or feeling of attachment with your lover.

However, this happens most often for a man with a woman whom he already felt an attachment with and already intended to commit to.

The act of sex itself doesn’t cause the attachment to you.

And for most women out there who haven’t taken it upon themselves to understand men, this would be a foreign concept. They may not believe it to be true.

If you want to make smart choices, and appeal to the high value men, the smartest thing you can do is to seek to appreciate and understand men first.

Understanding men give you power with men, and the reason for that is that it allows you to better predict their actions, and better add value to their lives.

Not to mention, you become much more apt at being on the same page as a man, which inspires their trust in you as a woman.

If you would like to go deeper and gain a world-class understanding of men so that you can connect heart to heart with any man, CLICK here to join our most popular program Understanding Men.

(The promise of this course is for you discover the secrets of the masculine perspective so that you can get through to any man, connect with him heart to heart, and inspire his deepest loyalty and commitment.)

Case Study: Learn How our member Alison went from attracting perpetual abusive relationships… …To finally learning the skill of weeding out the wrong types of men, and passing the hardest test of them all… an accidental pregnancy after a month of dating! (…All by learning one simple skill.)

Men Don’t Fall In Love Because Of THIS…

So we were talking about the fact that sex doesn’t make men attach to you.

Think about this for a minute:

If all you needed to do was have sex with a man and let him orgasm in order to “get” his undying love and emotional commitment, then the world would look very different.

We’d see proportionally a lot more casual sex or one night stands leading to forever love!

If a man feeling attached to a woman through sex were always true with every woman, then wouldn’t things be super easy for women?

Here’s what I mean. Wouldn’t we see lots more adulterous married men leaving their families for the secretary that they had a tryst with?

Wouldn’t that act of casual sex invariably cause a man and woman to feel emotionally attached, fall in love and build a future together?

It can happen. Don’t get me wrong. But I would seriously caution you against assuming it will happen.

Men don’t automatically get attached or even love you because you had sex.

There’s something I want you to understand.

If you want to date and successfully find love, remember that there really is no short-cut to becoming a man’s one and only woman.

The only way to avoid being the woman that men want to keep around for convenience is to be the one and only.

You Need To Be ‘The One & Only’

You simply have to allow yourself to show up as the ‘one and only’. If you’re not the ‘one and only’, then you’re in a man’s ‘one of many’ basket.

And if you’re in the ‘one of many’ basket (which means he doesn’t truly want to invest in you), then often, he still won’t mind keeping you around in his life. That is until his one and only comes along.

Remember, a man will either invest everything in you, or invest just enough to keep you around.

The only way to get him to invest everything in you is to show up as the one and only.

If you would like to discover how to show up as the one and only, I share the 5 secrets to have him fall in love with you and beg you to be his one and only in my program “Becoming His One and Only”.

(The promise of this course is for you to have your chosen man fall in love with you & beg you to be his one & only by embodying these 5 feminine secrets, even if he’s been distant, avoidant, or losing interest…)

How Men See Their ‘One Of Many’ Woman

Now, I thought long and hard before sharing the next part. I didn’t want to upset anyone. After all, that’s not my intent.

However, when we as women want answers, it’s important to receive the truthful ones. Not the sugar-coated ones.

Well, that’s what I think anyway. I’d rather see inside a man’s mind and truly understand what he’s thinking.

This is how I’d personally rather get my answer to the question “why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship”.

So, I had to make a difficult decision about what I’m about to share with you. I ultimately decided to share the screenshots I’m about to share, to help you understand.

I’m not condoning his aggressive tone, I’m not saying he’s right. I’m not saying every man would describe it the same way he has.

I’m just saying, this is how this man describes (albeit in a song), but still very accurately, how many men do secretly see their one of many woman. (The one of many woman, the one woman they will happily keep around, but never commit to or marry. )

It’s better that we understand than remain ignorant, right?

It’s good to have a different perspective than our own, right?

If you would like to get a feel for how one man sees his ‘one of many’ woman, then stay with me. Here’s a screenshot of some lyrics from a song called “Superman” by the famous rapper/singer Eminem, which (painfully) but necessarily describes the one of many woman.

And this one. Notice how he’s happy to keep her around and “be friends”?

Again, I’m not condoning his language or his approach. He’s notorious for violent lyrics. But he’s also popular for a reason (other than great marketing):

I believe it’s because he is not censored. His lyrics are real and authentic to him.

Don’t take this to mean that he’s incapable of committing. Not at all. All men secretly love to commit to the right woman.

Testosterone Drives Down Feelings Of Attachment

Here’s something that will help you understand further. Testosterone can drive down feelings of attachment.

As such, men with high baseline levels of testosterone get married less frequently, have more affairs, and divorce more often.

But regardless of a man’s baseline levels of testosterone, here’s a truth that I want you to know.

If a woman leads with sex and lust from the beginning with a man, that man will most likely compartmentalise her in his mind as a ‘one of many’ woman.

In other words, she won’t be “the one” he forms a romantic union or ‘pair bond’ with.

The woman who shows up as the one and only will be the one with whom he feels an emotional attachment for and falls in love with.

How you start off with a man really matters. If you began with sex, it may very well end with sex – and only sex, nothing more.

Unfortunately as a woman, it is you and not him, who will have to pick up the pieces after forming an attachment with him.

Here are 6 behaviours you should never tolerate in a man!

Just Because You Are Attached To Him, Doesn’t Mean He Is Attached To You

Men don’t just get emotionally attached through sex the way us women would get attached.

For us, it’s very hard to let go of attachment once we’ve given our body to a man.

Related: Why Do I Get Attached So Easily? 6 EXACT Reasons & How To Stop.

We can detach, of course, and many women deal with their tendency to attach early, by never seeing a man again after having one-time sex or a one night stand.

(And a lot of men are left wondering: “why did she leave after only one bang?!”)

The answer is: possibly because either she only wanted sex, or more likely she was trying to avoid the trap of emotional attachment with you!

We tend to get very emotionally involved, and fear abandonment when we attach. And, we don’t always like that feeling. Correct?

Here are 6 burning signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

It’s Not As Easy For Women To “Detach”

It isn’t always that easy for a woman to detach.

In fact, if you want to “even the playing field” with men and not get too attached, then promise yourself this now. Never have sex with men unless they are emotionally attached or emotionally committed to you.

Never. (That’s if you want to even the playing field between yourself and men).

And especially when you haven’t figured out what he actually wants from you yet!

By the way, there’s a huge cost for women who engage in casual sex. Learn about the secret cost of casual sex for women here.

Because here’s the truth: you can’t expect men to attach to you just because he’s been having sex with you for 10 years, 10 months or even 10 weeks.

So, never confuse him keeping you around with him loving you.

Especially never confuse him keeping you around with the idea that he might be ‘in love’ with you.

(And I really do mean in love, not infatuated with you. A man being infatuated with you is really not worth much to you. Other than an ego boost.)

If a man is in love with you, romantically attached and forming a genuine pair bond with you, you will know. The man will pine for you and miss you badly.

You would have hijacked his brain, he won’t be able to stop thinking about you, and he won’t stop giving off signs that he is falling in love.

CLICK HERE to LEARN the one specific emotional trigger within every masculine man that inspires him to want to take care of you, worship you and deeply commit to you.

It Benefits Women To Say Goodbye To A Man Who Isn’t Committing

As a woman yourself, it benefits you to say goodbye to a man who isn’t committing to you. Because the more you invest in him emotionally and/or have sex with him, the more likely it is that you will get emotionally attached to him.

It will only get harder for you to leave him. You may try to leave, but his attempts to pull you back will often succeed (because you’re already attached).

Plus, always remember this. If you’re attached to a man already, regardless of whether he is ‘the one’ or not, it will be harder for you to find and keep a new, better man.

See, the more emotionally attached you become to a non-committal man, the bigger the costs you incur in your emotional, mental and sexual health.

It does not work this way with men.

Here are 10 Signs of A Commitment Phobic Man.

Again: they can keep having sex with you and not have any feelings involved.

Bottom line is: if he never became emotionally attached to you, the chances of him doing so now, depend largely on your ability to create an emotional bond with him.

It’s harder to create that emotional bond after leading with sex.

However, it is possible. If you would like to learn how, I suggest checking out “Becoming His One & Only”.

QUIZ TIME: Are you truly living in your feminine energy? CLICK HERE to find out with my specially crafted 9 Question Quiz!

Sex Does Not = LOVE For Men

You may be wondering why it is harder to forge an emotional bond with a man after you had a largely sexual relationship with him? It is because men separate sex from love.

Sex does not = love.

Love does not = sex.

The following insight is taken from a popular article by D.Shen on How to Understand Men: 5 Things Every Woman Ought to Know About Men:

One of the biggest and most important insights you need to understand is that for a man, love and sex are two different and separate processes.

If you were to examine a feminine woman’s brain through an MRI scan, you’d see that the parts of her brain that light up for sex are quite similar to the parts of her brain that light up for love.

There’s a big overlap.

Whereas for most masculine men, the overlap is very small. In other words, the part of his brain that lights up when thinking about sex is very different to the parts of his brain thinking about love.

Think about this. If you (yes you), were so detached from the emotional side of sex, (and all you needed was a “release”), then…wouldn’t sex not mean a whole lot to you, either?

CLICK HERE to discover the ONE PHRASE you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! (Works like magic in a high vale non-needy way!)

Walk Away When He’s Just Keeping You Around Without Commitment

Here’s my recommendation to you: if a man is just keeping you around without wanting to commit to you at all, then ask yourself: “CAN I afford that lost time?”

…And ask yourself: “is it worth my effort to build that emotional bond with him?”

Only you can answer that question.

If you believe it is worth the effort, great. You put that effort in.

But you should be sure, and you should know that the focus has to be on emotional connection and not the sexual relationship that you have with him.

And if it turns out that it’s not worth it to try to forge that emotional bond with him, remember that you must grieve the loss of this man (who was stringing you along).

Don’t allow the half-in-half-out situation to continue any longer. This is for your emotional and mental health.

And once you’ve grieved, you can then start off strong with a new man and form an emotional attachment with him from the beginning!

Good luck!

And by the way, would you like to know the ONE specific emotional hot button within every single man in this world that inspires him to WANT to commit to one woman, take care of her and worship her for life? Find out this one specific emotional hot button here.

I hope this article answered your question of why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship.

As always, leave me your comment telling me what you feel and think. It really helps us all to learn from each other!

P.S. If you liked this article,CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.

If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.

By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.

Here’s my Youtube Channel The Feminine Woman.
Here’s The Feminine Woman Facebook page…
Here’s my Instagram Pages TheFeminineWoman & My Personal Instagram.

By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.

Here’s my Youtube Channel The Feminine Woman.
Here’s The Feminine Woman Facebook page…
Here’s my Instagram Pages TheFeminineWoman & My Personal Instagram.

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Renee Wade

Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.

Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.

What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like?

Having boundaries is like drawing a line. One side has the things you are okay with and the other side, those that you are not okay with, don’t feel ready for, or make you uncomfortable. This line looks different for everyone, so it is important for you to know where yours needs to be drawn. Setting boundaries is a way to teach your partner about your needs, and let you know when something doesn’t feel right. You are allowed to put your needs before someone else’s needs, especially if their needs make you uncomfortable.

Step 1: What are your boundaries?

Think about these categories and what they mean in terms of your relationship.

Physical: Are you okay with public displays of affection? Does affection make you uncomfortable? Do you hate it or love it when your partner tickles you? Do you need a lot of alone time? Learn more about physical boundaries and abuse.

Emotional: Are you able to share what you are feeling right away or do you need some time to think about it? Do you need your partner to be available anytime you have a crisis? When are you ready to say I love you? Learn more about emotional boundaries and abuse.

Sexual: Do you need to get to know your partner a while before engaging in any kind of sexual activity, or are you okay getting physical right away? What sexual activity are you okay with? Learn more about sexual boundaries and abuse.

Digital: Are you posting your relationship status? Is it okay if your partner uses your phone? Do you want to share passwords? Learn more about digital boundaries and abuse.

Material: Do you like sharing your stuff? Are you okay paying for your partner or vice versa?

Spiritual: Do you like to practice your religion with a partner or alone? Does your partner need to have the same beliefs as you or can they be different as long as yours are respected? Are you waiting until marriage before you have sex?

Step 2: Letting your partner know what your boundaries are.

You don’t have to sit down with your partner with a check list of all of the things that make you uncomfortable, but you do have be open and honest. Some of these things might come up early in the relationship, like if you are a virgin and don’t want to have sex until you’re ready. Some of these things may not come up for a while, like if your partner wants to share passwords after dating for 6 months. When your needs are different than your partner’s, have a conversation; you don’t need to give an explanation. It may be awkward, but having the tough conversations is a part of having a healthy relationship. When your partner listens to you and respects you, it builds trust.

Step 3: Recognizing when the line has been crossed.

Sometimes, boundaries get crossed even after you’ve talked with your partner; this is where trusting yourself comes in. You may be sad, anxious or angry or you may not know exactly what you are feeling. Always trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel right to you, it probably isn’t.

Step 4: Responding.

If a boundary has been crossed by your partner who didn’t know where your line was drawn, have an honest conversation. It could be something as simple as saying, “Hey, I really don’t like it when you ________. This makes me really uncomfortable. Do you think next time you can ______ instead?” This might take some back and forth before coming to an agreement that meets both of your needs, but your relationship will be stronger because of it.

If a boundary has been crossed even though you had already been clear about your boundaries, this might be abuse. Crossing a line might be obvious, like if you say no to having sex, but your partner uses physical force to make you do something you don’t want to do. But it can also be more subtle, like if your partner guilts you into something, begs you until you give in or threatens to break up with you unless you do what they want.

"I need love and family, and men only want sex"

Ask an expert Man and womanSex

I come from a rather conservative country where it is believed that a girl after 25 will not get married. Received a good education, kind of smart (judging by the reviews of colleagues and achievements). I worked as a model for a short time as a student, I constantly receive compliments and feel the attention of men on me. However, the problem is that I always get dumped!

I have very little relationship experience for my age. There were “under-relationships” with 2 guys, when we talked a lot and spent time, kissing, and with 2 men there were short relationships for 2-4 months. The first man, much older than me, took possession of me through deceit and manipulation. nine0003

In almost every case they wooed me, and I fell in love with no memory. Although she tried to manage her love: she did not dream about the future, she did not impose herself, she had her own interests. And everything went according to one scenario: the person was interested, his eyes burned, then kisses or sex, and they cooled down. The last young man made joint plans with me, and then said that his feelings were not as strong as he thought.

I am in a lot of pain. I do not understand why I deserve such an attitude from men. I sincerely want love, calm and mutual, and take care of my beloved. Given my upbringing and conservative style of dress, why do they only see me as an object of desire? What am I doing wrong? nine0003

Rufina, 27 years old

Rufina, you have an idealistic idea of the relationship between a man and a woman, which you most likely acquired from children's fairy tales and women's novels. The fact is that the vast majority of men at the first stage of dating are interested in sex. There are very few of those who from the very beginning consider the relationship with a woman as serious.

You write that you are amorous. I assume that when you fall in love, you quickly move on to intimacy. If you want to find a man for a serious relationship, I recommend that you increase the "checkout" period. nine0003

It is important to understand that finding a partner for life is a difficult task. Many women have an idealistic model: the first man a princess meets is a prince on a white horse. The same betrothed, prepared by fate, "the second half." And they immediately create a strong and happy family.

In reality, finding a person who will be closest to you is quite difficult. You need to be patient. If you want to find one out of a thousand, you literally have to sort through this thousand. This does not mean that they all need to have sex. But this means that you will have to hang out with a lot of men to find the best one. nine0003

The most conscious, strong marriages are made between women aged 28-30 and men aged 33-36

You should not hope that you will meet the right one, worthy, sent by fate the first time. Therefore, relations with men should be treated more calmly and pragmatically: give them more time so that they can prove their serious intentions.

Since you are attractive, it is quite logical that men see you first of all as an object of sexual desire. You, as a woman, cannot understand and accept this, because you are not a man, you do not have exactly those instincts and those sex hormones that make a man strive for sexual intimacy. nine0003

The scenario you describe - a man meets and leaves - is experienced by many women. There is nothing unusual about this. I recommend that you put aside the fears caused by the cultural traditions of your country.

According to European statistics, the most conscious, strong marriages are between women aged 28-30 and men aged 33-36. At an earlier age, young people are not yet emotionally mature enough.

So I think you need to look positively ahead. You will surely meet the man with whom you will make a harmonious couple and create a happy family together. nine0003

Photo source: Getty Images

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Man and woman Relationship crisis

After another unsuccessful attempt to discuss the future, you decide to have a serious talk with your partner, because before that everything went well. Most likely, in response you will hear: “I am not ready (a) for such a relationship yet” or “I am not ready (a) to make a commitment. ” nine0003

The conversation can take place earlier or later, in any case, as soon as the relationship begins to move to a more serious stage, the partner is removed. He offers to continue dating without obligations for the time being or wants to leave. What's the matter?

He is probably afraid of the closeness

He is probably uncomfortable with the fact that the relationship is developing too quickly. “This person likes you, maybe even loves you, but is afraid that he will not be able to live up to your expectations if the relationship becomes more serious,” says psychologist Samantha Rodman. These fears may arise from some fears, beliefs, or unpleasant experiences in the past. For example, in childhood, a partner could observe a difficult divorce of parents. nine0003

Not everyone wants a long-term monogamous relationship in principle. “Perhaps the partner is afraid of getting stuck, losing freedom, or he is afraid of responsibility, it is difficult for him to make decisions. Maybe he doesn't want to be loyal to one person. Or he is constantly drawn to people with whom he is incompatible, and the relationship quickly falls apart. Or he is so afraid of being abandoned that he always prefers to throw first, ”says psychologist Ryan Howes.

Another option is that he has lost interest in you and wants to end the relationship under the pretext that he is not ready for obligations. In any case, it's time to understand that a person does not want to invest in a relationship with you. nine0003

“If a partner says that he is not ready for a relationship, it is better to take his word for it. Many people perceive this as a challenge, unsuccessfully trying to convince a person. This usually ends in resentment and disappointment when, after a few years, they realize that he did not want to live together or get married, ”says Samantha Rodman.

People who are not ready for a serious relationship often behave unpredictably

Such a person is often either affectionate or cold towards a partner, avoids talking about the state of relationships and development (life together, marriage). With him it is impossible to dream about a joint vacation next year, he does not want to make long-term plans. He resists getting to know his friends and family so that you don't get too attached to him and his entourage. He is often prone to an avoidant attachment style. He is unpleasant emotional intimacy, prefers to keep a distance with a partner. nine0003

“Such people have learned not to rely on anyone, to be as independent and self-sufficient as possible. Often it is not easy for them to open up to a partner, to be unprotected, to show feelings. If the partner is like that, and you want a close, warm, open relationship, it can be hard, ”explains Rodman.

Is it worth trying to save the relationship if the partner is afraid of responsibility?

You can try to help with problems by offering couples therapy or supporting him if he wants to go to a therapist alone. But you can't help someone who doesn't want it. nine0003

“If you want to help your partner overcome psychological problems, the best thing you can do is be predictable and reliable.

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