Temper problems relationships
Anger In Relationships: 8 Signs Anger Is Causing Relationship Problems And How To Manage
Updated October 16, 2022 by ReGain Editorial Team
Anger is a common problem in relationships, but sometimes partners may not understand how it affects one another or contributes to other concerns surrounding their relationship. The type of behavior displayed says a lot about how a person handles their emotions. How anger affects a relationship is based on the frequency of outbursts and the intensity. Uncontrolled anger interferes with daily living and relationship growth. Understanding how anger affects relations between partners helps clarify how to express and manage your emotions effectively.
Anger Can Complicated And Overwhelming To Deal With - Don't Do It Alone
We're Here To Help - Work Through Complex Emotions With A Licensed Online Therapist
Dealing with anger in a relationship has challenges because it can change the dynamics of a situation quickly. When a partner experiences an emotional outburst, they are likely reacting to their partner's actions. An individual may have anger issues but not realize they are making the relationship difficult. Sometimes anger occurs when there is a lack of communication or understanding between both partners. Often, someone gets blamed for the anger that arises when, in reality, both partners play a role related to the cause.
While anger is an emotion people experience within reason, some studies suggest it may occur in cycles in a relationship when certain aspects are not acknowledged or resolved. Aspects relate to behaviors and actions expressed during an argument or disagreement that could be labeled as being disrespectful, demanding, or other forms of destructive behavior. Certain behaviors may trigger a negative response adding fuel to one's anger. Anger issues may continue because the focus on the issue isn't where it should be or has yet to be confronted. Talking with a couple's counselor about anger issues may help focus on the cause of anger and how couples can work productively together to manage it.
It is common for partners to deal with mishaps that lead to emotional distress. A partner may get frustrated when they feel attacked or ignored. Sometimes anxiety is a contributing factor when one hasn't learned how to express their emotions in a way that doesn't hurt or offend others. To gain perspective of how anger issues affect relationships, here are signs to consider you may not know about.
- Lacking Awareness Of One's Emotions. Partners should be able to identify and manage their emotions that lead to resolving a problem. When you lack awareness of your emotions, you lose control of your feelings, making it more difficult to empathize with your partner. Learn to associate your feelings with emotions to encourage healthy ways to process them. Learning to be aware of your feelings improves your skill and ability to regulate emotions and how your actions influence the emotions of others.
- Lack Of Assertive Communication. Assertiveness and aggression are two different things. Aggression is more likely when a partner is passive in their communication, making one come off as weak. An angry person may have a habitual way of expressing it. A partner may consider their feelings first before their partner's. They may have feelings that should be expressed, but they don't bother to talk about them. They may think their feelings matter more than yours. Their feelings likely start an argument instead of seeking a solution to the problem. Each partner may have a different communication style that adds to understanding each other's position. Learning how to communicate assertively lets each partner explore how to what they feel to meet their needs. It includes standing up for yourself and controlling your emotions without attacking your partner unnecessarily.
- Use Of Unconstructive Self-Talk. A partner may have a distorted view of the situation when anger is present.
When your perspective is unclear, it leads to irrational thoughts that influence how you respond to or during an emotional outburst. There are many ways people fall prey to such negative thoughts, such as seeing themselves as a total failure, self-defeat, dwelling on negative details, maintaining negative beliefs despite positive experiences, jumping to conclusions, and over-exaggeration, to name a few. Such thinking makes it challenging to be rational when dealing with anger.
- Belittling A Partner With Minimizing Behaviors. Anger and aggression may show through behaviors that make a partner feel hurt or less than. Such behaviors may include name-calling, yelling, and physical contact through hitting. Sometimes the person expressing their temper may blame their partner for their actions, but they lack understanding of why their feelings affect them. Reducing such behaviors requires taking responsibility for their behavior, including when it's abusive.
In domestic violence situations, such behavior occurs more frequently. - Avoiding Certain Situations To Prevent Your Partner's Anger. If your partner has anger issues, you feel like you're walking on eggshells. You know specific actions lead to a temper tantrum, or your partner will go off yelling or screaming. You may disagree with your partner but avoid letting them know you don't agree to keep the peace. You may feel scared to speak up because they will get upset. Avoiding such actions is a short-term fix to something that may cause serious relationship problems in the long term.
- You Give In To Avoid Outbursts, Not Out Of Love. A person with anger issues may get what they want because others give in to avoid dealing with their temper. Such behavior is likely when dealing with people outside of your relationships, such as family and friends. You may not be the only one to recognize anger issues in your partner. Or, you may identify personal anger concerns based on how people respond to emotions you express.
- Difficulty Enjoying Activities or Carrying Out Tasks. Anger issues may show up during activities or tasks that have become less enjoyable or more difficult to complete. Stress and tension could be contributing factors. When a partner is upset about something that hasn't been resolved, a snowball effect may make regular activities challenging to complete without getting into an argument.
- Aggression Occurs In Multiple Forms. Unresolved anger may become aggressive, leading to emotional or physical harm. It may include intimidation, making threats, name-calling, bullying, punching a wall, throwing an object, or harming another. Passive-aggressive behavior is also possible such as giving your partner the silent treatment, slamming a door to show your anger, or try to gain sympathy.
Unaddressed anger may lead to a dangerous scenario or become a destructive force in a relationship. When emotions are not expressed and validated, anger becomes a severe issue, problems that need solutions won't get the attention they deserve - unhealthy behaviors such as hateful attitudes and forms of abuse result when relational issues go unresolved.
Each partner has to own up to their actions. Sometimes a partner may resist anger by ignoring them, only to make things worse without realizing it. Each person has to understand when they get angry; there are ways to express it while still communicating their thoughts. Doing this helps control anger while distinguishing the differences of an expression of anger vs. a symptom of anger.
A partner may have feelings hidden underneath their anger; they may not understand or recognize them because of their outburst or aggression. Each partner should learn how to articulate emotions that trigger their anger. Each partner should also understand if their feelings get dismissed, it may lead to emotional outbursts. Here are tips to consider when assessing ways to manage your anger or signs of disrespect in a relationship.
- Obtain a clear understanding of one's feelings and thoughts before responding. Sometimes anger occurs when a person feels attacked by their partner without understanding why they reacted with intense emotion.
- Assess how anger occurs in the relationship and determine red flags, signaling a lack of anger control. There are emotional and physical states to recognize. Emotionally, feeling overwhelmed, anxiety, rage, and irritability may occur. Physical symptoms such as headaches increased blood pressure, chest tightening, tingling, and heart palpations may signal the presence of anger.
- Consider ways to work on your anger. When you feel upset, think about why. Be responsible for your emotions by owning your anger. It may be about you more than your partner. You may object to your partner's actions, but how you respond is connected to your emotions. Be in control of your emotions by learning to accept them. Think about other emotions involved and whether they signal vulnerability.
- Be supportive of helping your partner with their anger. They can do as described in the previous point, with both learning practical communication skills and being active listeners. Be objective to your partner's thoughts and perceptions and be considerate of their feelings.
- Talk about your concerns about anger in your relationship with a couple's counselor or therapist. Working with a relationship specialist allows for emotional growth while gaining essential tools to manage your emotions to encourage a healthier relationship.
Anger Can Complicated And Overwhelming To Deal With - Don't Do It Alone
We're Here To Help - Work Through Complex Emotions With A Licensed Online Therapist
It is natural to feel angry with reason, but it is important to learn how to accept it when it occurs in the relationship. A healthy relationship exercises coping skills that keep anger from becoming destructive. There are ways to learn how to express, hear, and respond to anger to understand the cause and work toward reestablishing an emotional bond and trust both partners deserve.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
- What anger does to a relationship?
Anger has the potential to ruin a relationship if it is not kept under control.
A cycle of anger can lead to resentment, and it can also escalate to the point of abuse. Although anger is unavoidable, it’s necessary to learn how to handle that anger more constructively and healthily, not negatively to impact your romantic relationship.
If you struggle to handle your anger, find a therapist who can help you work through your angry feelings and healthily express your anger. There are many anger management techniques that you can learn through counseling, and it is even effective online if you prefer not to attend sessions in person.
If your partner is abusive or you fear for your safety, don’t hesitate to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233). The National Domestic Violence Hotline can help you decide what steps to take to escape the cycle of anger.
- How do I stop being so angry in my relationship?
The uncontrolled daily anger and destructive tendencies in a relationship aren’t healthy.
To stop these constant angry feelings, first, remember to think before you speak and react. Focus on yourself rather than your partner. Take a deep breath and consider what you are about to say or do. Next, state your concerns clearly, using “I” statements rather than placing blame. Use humor to lighten the situation if possible, and take a break from the conversation if it’s getting too heated. It would help if you were also sure to regularly engage in stress-relieving activities, such as exercise and self-care.
It’s recommended that you find a therapist or start attending marriage counseling if your adult relationships have been negatively affected by the cycle of anger. A professional can help with many types of individual issues as well as relationship-related problems. If your anger stems from another ailment, such as chronic pain, be sure to see a doctor learn about how you can treat the root of the problem.
If you feel unsafe in your relationship, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.
800.799.SAFE (7233). You can also chat with the National Domestic Violence Hotline online if you prefer not to call.
- Is anger a sign of love?
The truth is that it’s impossible to experience anger unless you care about something; otherwise, there’s nothing to be angry about. Therefore, love and anger are intertwined. However, uncontrolled anger can quickly become a problem in a relationship if it is not addressed. Be sure to get the help you need in learning how to handle your anger more constructively. You may want to find a therapist who can help you work through your struggles with anger and the negative effects it has had on your adult relationships.
If your partner’s anger scares you or has escalated to abuse, help is available. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) or go to the National Domestic Violence Hotline website for additional support.
- Is anger normal in a relationship?
Anger is a natural emotion, so it’s normal to feel some degree of anger in a relationship.
The trouble starts when you handle that anger in unhealthy ways that can be hurtful to your partner. Anger is a sign that you’re feeling a sense of injustice, so it can help show you where things are unfair. What you do with that anger determines whether it’s healthy or unhealthy. The behaviors you engage in and things you say when you’re feeling angry can either help your relationship grow and evolve, or they can lead to resentment and even destroy your relationship completely.
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) if you feel unsafe in your relationship. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is familiar with the struggles that commonly occur in adult relationships. They help many people every day, and some even credit the hotline for “saving my life.”
- What are the signs your relationship is over?
If you’ve started spending much more time with friends and family than your partner (or vice versa), this could be a sign that you’re no longer willing to put effort into your adult relationships.
If you no longer feel an emotional connection to your partner, aren’t interested in intimacy with them, constantly get into conflict, you don’t trust your partner, or your goals don’t align, those are all signs that your relationship may be over.
If you feel unsafe or scared in your adult relationships, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233). You can also go to the National Domestic Violence Hotline website and chat with a live representative.
How do you fix anger in a relationship?
Is anger healthy in a relationship?
What are the four root causes of anger?
Why do I get so angry so easily?
Why am I so easily irritated by my boyfriend?
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The Danger Of Anger In Relationships
Anyone who has ever been in a relationship knows how hard they can be. That’s because every relationship is made up of imperfect people, often with different expectations. If you are expecting things to be great all the time, you are likely going to find yourself disappointed at some point. It's perfectly normal for couples to have disagreements in their relationship. And while many couples understand that they aren't always going to agree with each other, many don't fully grasp the danger of anger in their relationship.
Negative Emotions Don’t Have To Control You
Manage Your Anger With Online Counseling
How Do You Define Anger?
It's important to understand what anger is. The Merriam-Webster dictionary definition of anger is, "a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism". It also describes it as "rage," which is defined as "an intense feeling" or "a fit of violent wrath".
In a simpler form, anger is the emotion people have when they are experiencing negative feelings. Anger by itself isn't a bad thing. But the way that people often express their anger can be problematic.
Why Is Anger Dangerous In Relationships?
When anger is not handled properly in a relationship, it can cause irreparable damage. For example, if you are constantly reacting in anger, you may be adding trouble to a relationship. If your partner tires of the drama, they may even decide to end the relationship.
It's also easy to get angry when someone else expresses anger toward you. That often means that the argument continues to escalate until you are shouting at each other. Or, you may go the opposite route and decide to just ignore each other. When neither person can stay calm, it can make simple disagreements grow into something much more complex.
When anger goes too far and is not controlled, it can result in verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.
No form of abuse is acceptable in a relationship. Abuse can take the form of name-calling, belittling, hitting, or otherwise causing harm to the other person.
Misdirected Anger
Anger is a normal emotion. Many things in life warrant us to experience feelings of anger. For example, as humans, we should feel anger when we see that other people are being abused or mistreated. However, many of us misdirect our anger on things that are not as deserving of such a strong emotion.
Why You Don't Want To Hide Your Anger
Maybe you aren't a person who acts out in anger. Instead, you may tend to bottle up your anger deep inside of you. If you feel like this, then you probably dislike confrontation, and that’s understandable. However, there is danger in anger when you choose not to deal with it. When people try to repress their anger, it can manifest itself physically within the body. As a result, you may experience digestive issues, chronic pain, or other physical symptoms that may seem unexplainable.
Or, your anger may be explosive when it finally is released.
How To Manage Anger
There are many healthy ways to learn how to manage your anger. Here are several ideas to get you thinking:
Journaling: Some people find relief from anger when they can express what they are feeling in written form.
Exercise: Pent-up anger can often be released through physical activity. You could participate in a sport, lift weights, or go for a run, for example. Sometimes, using up physical energy helps to relieve emotional energy associated with anger as well.
Meditate: Practicing mindfulness meditation can often help people step back from a situation and look at the big picture. This helps them to remove their emotion from the situation, which can also help them let go of their anger instead of letting it control them.
Negative Emotions Don’t Have To Control You
Manage Your Anger With Online Counseling
Learn Deep Breathing Techniques: Sometimes just learning how to slow your breath can help you get control of your emotions in a moment when you would normally respond in anger.
Go For A Walk: Sometimes getting out of the house and getting some fresh air can help you clear your head. This can give you the time that you need to calm down and find a better way to respond.
Take A Break: If you are in the middle of a disagreement and find that it's starting to get heated, it might be time to take a break. Walk away from the conversation for a moment and let your partner know that you would like to finish the conversation when things have calmed down.
When Anger Isn't Just Anger
Many people don't realize that depression often disguises itself as anger and aggression. If you or your loved one is experiencing an unnatural amount of anger, it's important to question whether it's just anger or if it's compounded by depression. While both issues can be treated and addressed, it's important to know what challenge you are working on overcoming.
Get The Help You Need
If your relationship is struggling because of anger, it is important that you get help. Therapists can work with you on an individual level or as a couple to help you learn how to overcome anger and improve your relationship.
Many kinds of therapy can help people learn how to handle their anger. Talking to a therapist will help you identify what the right treatment plan is for you. If you have been in the pattern of taking your anger out on your partner or vice versa, there may be additional work that needs to be done to repair the relationship.
A Word Of Warning About Abusive Relationships
If you are in an abusive relationship, the most important thing is your safety. If your partner is abusive to you in any way, then it's important that you remove yourself from the relationship. If you are in an abusive relationship, know that support is out there. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
Where To Find Help
If you have a problem with anger and know that you need to make changes, reach out to a therapist. Look for one that specializes in anger management. There are different forms of therapy available. For example, while you might attend one-on-one therapy sessions, you could also benefit from attending an anger management group. It can be helpful to meet with other people who know what you're going through.
Anger management is often treated with cognitive behavioral therapy, which is a type of talk therapy that identifies and addresses unhelpful and unhealthy thought patterns and behaviors.
Many people experiencing anger management or relationship problems may be hesitant to talk about these issues openly, though. This may be a result of negative emotions surrounding these issues like guilt or shame. If you aren't comfortable sitting down with a stranger in person, you can look for online therapy options such as those offered by BetterHelp.
There are other benefits to online therapy as well. Since you can attend a session anywhere you’re comfortable as long as you have a safe internet connection, you don’t have to deal with the frustration of a long or difficult drive. The scheduling for online therapy tends to be more flexible as well.
If you’re wondering just how effective online therapy can be, there’s a lot of research regarding online CBT. A recent review summed up the findings of 95 research studies. Those who used digital tools to learn CBT experienced high levels of satisfaction with their results. Plus, having the support of an online therapist meant that people were more likely to finish their treatment.
Research has consistently shown that CBT is as effective online as it is in a traditional setting.
Here are some recent reviews by users with similar issues regarding their experience with BetterHelp counselors:
“David is a very calming, kind, and compassionate counselor. He cares about how you feel and gives very mature advice on how to handle situations. He has a very calming nature and takes care on what he says and makes sure you understand what he says.” Read more on David Bradley.
“Lucas is kind and compassionate. He listens to what I have to say and is patient. He is helping me to see things about myself that I have missed for a very long time. I am confident he will help me work through my obstacles preventing me from being my best self.” Read more on Lucas Streets.
Therapy Is Worth It
Whether you are in a relationship right now or not, it's worth getting help for issues with anger management. Learning healthy ways to manage and control your anger can help you to improve your current relationship or be in a better place for a future relationship.
When anger problems are left untreated, they can run rampant. They can even be harmful to your health, both physically and mentally. You don't have to let your anger control you anymore. When you learn anger management skills, you may see improvements in every relationship in your life.
Takeaway
Progress might not be immediate, but don't give up. Some old habits, like raising your voice, may die hard, but it doesn't mean that you have to let them continue. Instead, reach out for support from a mental health professional and start making gains today.
How does character affect the strength of a relationship?
The couple will be stronger if the partners share some character traits - this is the conclusion reached by Beatrice Rammstedt, Professor of Psychology at the University of Mannheim (Germany). Together with her colleagues, she studied the lives of 7,000 couples for 4 years. Beatrice Rammstedt talks about what determines the duration of the existence of a couple, whether two egocentrics can get along and why the satisfaction of a woman is more important for relationships than the satisfaction of a man.
Psychologies: Is it possible to predict how long a relationship will last in a couple?
Beatrice Rammstedt: This is difficult for a particular couple, as relationships are influenced by many factors that cannot be predicted. However, observing a large number of couples, my colleagues and I have identified some patterns. So, on average, relationships are more stable if the partners have certain character traits - commitment, goodwill, openness to new experience.
These traits are part of the "Big Five", as psychologists call the list of basic personality characteristics?
That's right. With regard to everyday life, this means, for example, that it is better when both partners scatter their socks around the apartment (which corresponds to a low degree of obligation). But if only one of them does this, this situation becomes a source of conflict. In the same way, if one is open to new things - and is willing to go to some new restaurant from time to time - and the other wants to constantly go to the same one, this can create tension in the relationship, since someone always remains unsatisfied.
What happens if both partners are self-centered and unfriendly?
B.R.: Paradoxically, two irritable partners can live in good harmony. Conflicts are more likely to appear if one is more accommodating and more in need of harmony, and the other does not share his aspirations. Then the relationship is asymmetric and unstable.
How important is it for other character traits to match?
For some traits, any combination is acceptable. For example, two extroverts can get along great, but can also start to compete with each other. On the other hand, an extrovert with a high need for social relationships may have difficulty pairing with an introvert. But it is quite possible that their relationship will be harmonious in terms of complementary roles: for example, if one likes to talk and the other to listen, everyone will be happy.
It seems that emotional stability is always a plus for a couple. Do relationships last longer if both partners are emotionally stable?
Curiously, during our research, we did not notice that emotionally unstable partners (also called "neurotic") experienced special difficulties in relationships.
Apparently, relationships can last if both partners are anxious and restless - perhaps because they enjoy the similarity in lifestyle. It can also be assumed that the one of the two who is more emotionally stable provides the other with support that is valuable to him, and each feels good in his role. However, our recent research has shown that a woman's emotional stability plays a crucial role in relationships: the more emotionally stable a woman is, the more satisfied she is with the relationship. Women's frustration in relationships leads to separation much more often than men's.
Do partners become like each other over time?
The studies that we have been conducting for 4 years have not shown this. However, in couples that broke up, there was an increasing divergence of partners in five main character traits, although in general the character of each of them was considered relatively stable.
How can this be explained?
We do not yet know where the cause is, where the effect is: whether the partners are breaking up because the dissimilarity of their characters is growing, or whether their characters are starting to differ more and more because they broke up.
We tend to think that the second hypothesis is correct, but this has yet to be confirmed.
Big Five
Researchers have identified five key personality traits. They can be described using statements that involve varying degrees of agreement or disagreement.
Extraversion: "I express my feelings easily and like to communicate with others."
Neuroticism: "I am often anxious and easily lose confidence in myself."
Openness to new things: “I am interested in a variety of things, including new, unusual and strange”
Benevolent: “I trust others and think that they are naturally kind”
Obligatory: “I arrange the plates in order; I am organized, reliable and punctual.”
Text: Valentina Razvilova Photo Source: Getty Images
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What to do if you and your loved one have different views on life
November 5 Relations
It will be difficult. But separation is not necessary.
What differences can lead to conflicts
You meet, fall in love, but soon find out that you see the world in a completely different way with your partner. Or you have been living together for a long time, but a person suddenly changes his point of view on an important issue for you, and the relationship turns into a battlefield. The reasons for discord in general can be anything, but we will note the most frequent and serious.
Finance
According to opinion polls, 16% of Russian couples quarrel because they cannot decide who manages the finances in the family. Money becomes the basis for conflict even more often than infidelity or problems with sex, and Russians consider poverty to be the main reason for divorce.
In an ideal world, couples would discuss such issues at the dawn of a relationship and either seek a compromise or break up in order to find a person with similar views. But in reality, they rarely talk about money, being afraid to spoil the romance or seem mercantile. As a result, many problems, such as loans, the desire to single-handedly manage money in the family, various financial goals, are revealed when people have already begun to live together or get married.
Get ready 💰
- 7 financial mistakes that can destroy your relationship
Life
Almost a quarter of Russians swear because of the distribution of household chores. Household work still falls mainly on women, although 9 out of 10 housewives surveyed would like their husbands to help them more. An equal division of labor could increase satisfaction and happiness in couples.
Different views on food, cleanliness and order, the general level of comfort in the house can also be a cause for disagreement.
Gender stereotypes
If the views in a couple coincide, for example, you both adhere to the patriarchal model of the family and believe that the man is the leader and the woman is the follower, then you are unlikely to have conflicts on this topic. But when partners are on opposite sides of the barricades, there will be many reasons for quarrels.
Children
Some don't want to have children at all, while others plan to have at least three. It is better to find out about the partner's views on this matter before you start a family. And even if your opinions coincide here, many difficulties may lie ahead. To teach a child to read from the age of two or from five, to send him to football or dancing, and how to educate him in general? In search of answers to these questions, you can break a lot of copies.
Find out 👶
- Why it's OK to be childfree
Bad habits
It will not be easy for a heavy smoker and someone who cannot stand the smell of tobacco to get along together.
The same goes for other bad habits. It seems that people with very different lifestyles should not get along, but the reality confirms the opposite. As a result, drunkenness causes quarrels in 6% of respondents, and in 7% of cases leads to a break.
Politics
Different political views (one of the partners is a conservative, the other is a liberal, one supports the current government, the other supports the opposition) may well be a reason for swearing. This is exactly what happened to 3% of the respondents. And 5% completely broke off relations with someone close due to a mismatch of positions.
Religion
This is one of those areas where you can successfully avoid conflicts for quite a long time. But if an atheist and a believer (or representatives of different faiths) decide to get married and have children, then talking about weddings and baptisms can pretty spoil their mood.
What to do if you are very different
Due to the discrepancy between personal interests and outlook on life, according to VTsIOM, 12% of marriages are destroyed.
Another 32% of respondents because of this quarrel with their soul mate. It may seem easier not to ally with a person who has a different view of things that are important to you. But different views are not a reason to bury a relationship. Here's what you can do.
Recognize that you are different and that's okay
Each of you has the right to hold your chosen views. Differences of opinion do not mean that one of you is better or worse, and does not make you enemies. Although it can be difficult to accept: because of the traps of thinking, we divide people into ours and others, and we treat the latter with prejudice.
Understand 🤔
- Why do we divide people into insiders and outsiders and can this be changed? Perhaps there are questions that are very important to you. For example, you are a man with a patriarchal upbringing and a relationship with a feminist is unacceptable for you. Or you are childfree, and your partner dreams of children.
If no one is going to change their minds or give in, perhaps the relationship is really better to end, otherwise it will turn into a series of conflicts.
And if you are still ready to work on yourself and look for compromises, you should give your couple a chance. Think of a strategy
- Draw a circle of painful topics.
- Agree that you will not devalue and criticize each other's views and principles, try to do without offensive jokes.
- Do not try to convince each other.
- Decide what you will do in case of a direct clash of views, what concessions each of you is ready to make.
In practice, everything will depend on the specific situation. Let's say that conflicts in a couple arise because of the division of household duties. No one wants to mop the floor or cook and dump everything on someone else. If you calmly discuss the problem, several options are possible.
For example, you and your partner make a schedule and do all the things in turn. Each of you can also choose tasks that are given to him better than others (or just not so annoying) and thus share all the responsibilities.
One cooks, the other buys groceries and washes the dishes, one puts things in order on the shelves, the other vacuums. Finally, you can draw lots: who washes the floor this week, and who wipes the dust and does the laundry. When you should not endure
In some cases, it does not make sense to maintain a relationship. Here are the signs that psychologists distinguish.
- You quarrel again and again, despite all the agreements.
- Mutual irritation in a couple is growing.
- You don't talk to each other about problems.
- You insult and devalue each other.
- Some of you do not agree to any compromises and refuse to smooth corners.
- One of you is persistently trying to remake the other. Agitates, reproaches, manipulates.
Be that as it may, only you can decide the fate of your relationship. Any advice should be food for thought, not a guide to action.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a person whose views were very different from yours? Share your story in the comments.
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