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Self deserting avoidant


Avoidant Personality Disorder - Paradigm Treatment

Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by withdrawing from social interaction out of fear and feelings of inadequacy. Unlike introverted personality traits, wherein individuals prefer smaller groups and rarely spend time in crowds, teens struggling with avoidant personality disorder actively fear social interaction. Teens with avoidant personality disorder are constantly thinking about what others think about them, and their shyness and inability to connect is so severe that it often prevents them from maintaining close relationships.

What Does Avoidant Personality Disorder Look Like?

  • Teens with avoidant personality disorder are paralyzed by social anxiety. They also lack the confidence and normal social skills to engage with others, because they’re afraid of embarrassing situations and rejection.
  •  This inability to interact can lead to issues with interpersonal interaction, the development of close relationships, as well as behavioral problems in most settings, such as work or school.
  • Strong feelings of inferiority.
  • Lack of social skills.
  • Problems with personal relationships.

The Different Types of Teen Avoidant Personality Disorder

While avoidant personality disorder is usually categorized as a more specific diagnosis of an existing personality disorder, there are four further subtypes often recognized, as per the studies and works of Theodore Millon. These four subtypes are:

Conflicted Avoidant – Characterized by people having an overall pessimistic outlook toward themselves, toward others, and toward life in general. This type of avoidant personality disorder has extremely negative views, particularly inward negative views.

Hypersensitive Avoidant – Characterized by people with such strong inhibitions that they lead to occasional paranoia. This type of avoidant personality disorder struggles with paranoid thought, constant tension, and a prickly attitude towards others highlighted by fear and terror.

Self-deserting Avoidant – Characterized by people becoming unaware of their own needs and desires, because they so incessantly concentrate on others. This type of avoidant personality disorder dangerously exhibits symptoms of depression and suicidal thought, accompanied by a lack of regard for oneself.

Phobic Avoidant – Characterized by people avoiding any type of situation or context that makes them uncomfortable. This type of avoidant personality disorder comes with very specific fears of the future, such as vividly imagining how a particular situation will fail and fearing that outcome the most.

What Are the Causes of Teen Avoidant Personality Disorder?

Despite having similar symptoms and characteristics to social anxiety, cases of avoidant personality disorder are much rarer and much more severe, with thoughts and fears so far removed from what most people experience that it can be difficult for others to imagine or sympathize with the condition.

Rather than being characterized solely by fear, cases of APD struggle with extreme distortions of the self. Why APD occurs, however, is not always known. In most cases, causes are a blend of both biological and environmental factors, environmental in this case referring to experiences, memories, and lifestyle factors. Avoidant personality disorders most often develop in children with a history of physical and emotional abuse, or PTSD.

How Can I Help My Teen With Avoidant Personality Disorder?

As a friend or parent, your first task would be to learn more about your teen’s condition. Beyond learning basic terminology, discuss their condition with professionals and therapists who have been treating them.

It’s practically impossible to completely understand what it’s like to struggle with an avoidant personality disorder, but it’s easier to empathize and provide a healthy, healing environment when you better understand what’s going on inside your loved one’s head.

What Types of Teen Avoidant Personality Disorder Treatment Are Available?

Avoidant personality disorder can be a very volatile condition to treat, requiring a sensitive and specific approach based on a teen patient’s subtype, experiences, and individual factors. Most cases of APD are treated with a combination of therapy and medication, to combat individual symptoms such as depressive thinking or anxiety and fear.

Talk Therapy

Talk therapy is often very successful in helping teens with avoidant personality disorder. Different types of therapy help them overcome specific fears or come to terms with certain thinking habits, finding ways to oppose them. Therapy can also help them learn to interact with others. Teens with this disorder have strong misperceptions about who they are and how they’re perceived by others. Therapy can help teens deal with underlying issues, as well as feelings of low self-worth, fear of rejection, and fear of abandonment.

As teens recognize that they are valuable, and that their view of themselves is distorted, they can also establish new healthy habits and practices to enable them to engage with others. In this regard, therapy helps empower teens to start forming new healthy behaviors.

Medication

Medication is prescribed to help teens with various symptoms, including depression and anxiety. This is more commonly considered in cases where teens have been diagnosed with a codependent condition, such as a major depressive disorder. Usually, medication isn’t recommended as a long-term treatment, but rather as an effort to relieve symptoms to allow a teen to address their illness through therapy.

Teen Avoidant Personality Disorder Treatment at Paradigm Treatment

Paradigm Treatment provides a place for teens to find healing. Yet unlike how the body is designed to heal by itself, the mind requires more rigorous assistance. A complex disorder such as an avoidant personality disorder is made up of several key symptoms, thought patterns, and problematic behaviors. Rather that addressing any single part of the problem, therapists at Paradigm Treatment engage each patient as a whole and tackle the issues together.

This holistic approach involves careful consideration towards a patient’s feelings and their relevance in treatment, including how the disorder manifests uniquely in each individual. Some people exhibit certain symptoms that, if treated, improve the condition entirely. For example: addressing post-traumatic stress and feelings of depression can alleviate low self-esteem and help someone counter thoughts of inferiority and fears of rejection.

Paradigm Treatment works with parents and professionals to provide teens with an environment conducive toward getting better, and living a healthier, more complete life.

Paradigm was a wonderful choice for our daughter/family because it worked at the root of her/our problems. They continually told us that her behavior (outburst, failing school, isolation, food and withdrawal) was just a symptom of a deeper problem. Paradigm was beautiful, clean and caring. I would highly recommend Paridigm to anybody looking to make a positive change in their child’s behavior.

– Tracie R.

Frequently Asked Questions About Teen Avoidant Personality Disorder

Why do people develop avoidant personality disorder?

There is often no single cause for an avoidant personality disorder, but rather a cascade of circumstances and conditions that come together to develop the disorder over time. Severe mental and physical trauma often contributes to APD, as does genetics – a family history of avoidant personality disorder signals a higher risk of developing the condition in response to bad childhood experiences, social embarrassment, and painful interactions with others.

If I’m getting by okay with my disorder, do I really need teen avoidant personality disorder treatment?

It’s common for people to learn to adapt and cope according to what they’re feeling, even sometimes to extreme degrees. So truthfully, it may be possible for you to live with this disorder without ever getting teen avoidant personality disorder treatment.

However, this is a condition that grows worse over time. Rather than simply feeling more comfortable alone, people with APD develop severe symptoms of paranoia and depression, moving towards suicidal thought. We believe that it shouldn’t just be a question of whether you can live with it, but how well you can live. And we want you to live the most healthy, whole, and happy life possible.

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The different subtypes of AvPD

Stumbled across this & found it very interesting and could sort myself into them.
Really curious about where you see yourself in, or if you find any correlation at all for you personally.
Or if you see yourself being several types, or maybe throughout your life your avoidance behaviour has shifted to go from one subtype to another.

Phobic avoidant (including dependent features) ; General apprehensiveness displaced with avoidable tangible precipitant; qualms and disquietude symbolized by repugnant and specific dreadful object or circumstances.

Conflicted avoidant (including negativistic features) ; Internal discord and dissension; fears dependence; unsettled; unreconciled within self; hesitating, confused, tormented, paroxysmic, embittered; unresolvable angst.

Hypersensitive avoidant (including paranoid features) ; Intensely wary and suspicious; alternately panicky, terrified, edgy, and timorous, then thin-skinned, high-strung, petulant, and prickly.

Self-deserting avoidant (including depressivefeatures) ;Blocks or fragments self awareness; discards painful images and memories; casts away untenable thoughts and impulses; ultimately jettisons self (suicidal).[28]

Cold-avoidant : Characterised by an inability to experience and express positive emotion towards others.
Exploitable-avoidant : Characterised by an inability to express anger towards others or to resist coercion from others. May be at risk for abuse by others.

( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder )

I personally realized that growing up I def. was the exploitable-avoidant & also the self-deserting avoidant - then sometimes I have phases nowadays where I def match the hypersensitive avoidant, so phases where my paranoia increases. But generally ive turned more into the cold-avoidant, because I didnt want to continue being taken advantage of, and generally went more over to being the conflicted avoidant nowadays as well. I think I went over from being very outwardly anxious & shy, and obviously showing weakness to becoming very coldhearted on the outside which makes me come across as stronger, but still is ultimately isolating. Its preferable to how it was before growing up, but its still so lonely and inhibiting and limiting, like these consntant urges to avoid and to withdraw, the incapability I have of opening up unless I am 100% certain of being liked, always feeling judged and like I am socially so fucking stupid in each new and not fully calculateable situation - back then people could see all this on my face and in my bodylanguage, but nowadays its concealed pretty well. Even if under the surface I still feel pretty much the same. Nowadays I am so terrified of people finding out that I am still that terrified, that I still feel uncomfortable in social situations, cause I never ever wanna hurt like ive been hurt again.

But I am also incredibly curious about how it is for you. Cause I highly doubt that I am the only one for which starting from childhood years, the way the avoidance shows itself has fluctated.

understand the types of attachment • Articles on the website of the publishing house BOMBORA

  • Articles
  • May 26, 2021

We talk about three types of attachment and explain what to do if your type interferes with building relationships with others.

More interesting things below

He wants to watch TV after work, but she misses him so much. She wants noisy parties, and he likes to be alone with his thoughts. And it seems like they can't be together. But it's not. It is not necessary to part with a loved one, scandal and hurt. It is enough just to find out your type of attachment and build relationships. And the book of family therapist Annie Chen "Attachment Theory" will help with this. nine0010

Anxious type

Traits of people with an anxious type:

  • They are incredibly generous and considerate towards those they care about
  • Fear of being rejected and abandoned
  • Willingly tell others about their feelings
  • Often blame others for their own feelings, eg "You make me feel so bad!".

The biggest fear of people with this type is to be alone. They do not feel safe in a relationship, fear that they will be betrayed and left alone. They really need the support and warmth of a partner. They quickly sink into despair and are disappointed in everything in advance. nine0010

An example of people with an anxious attachment type:

Asha was in her early twenties when she noticed a strange tendency in herself. She easily approached people and made friends, but after a few years the relationship ended because of her anger and jealousy, since the interests of friends were not always connected only with her.

Healing the Anxious Self

If you recognize yourself in the description of the anxiety type and want to change something, here are a few steps to help you do it: nine0010

  • Be patient with people
  • Remember that if someone cannot meet your needs, there is nothing wrong with that.
  • Learn to trust your partner and look for support within yourself
  • Forgive yourself for everything you have done in the past
  • Treat yourself with understanding

Avoidant

Avoidant traits:

  • Self-reliant and prefer to handle problems on their own nine0004
  • Do not complain or whine
  • Talk about anything but themselves
  • Often notice memory problems
  • Avoid conflicts and negative emotions.

Avoidance behavior can manifest itself in various ways: through ignoring the conflict, through denial of what is happening, or even through avoidance of reality.

There are milder reactions: the desire to please others or to be needed - up to the rejection of one's needs. Reactions can be different, the main thing is that they help a person protect himself from feelings of shame and insecurity. nine0010

An example of avoidant attachments:

Kyle has been married for sixteen years. In recent years, quarrels with his wife have become much more frequent. The wife complained that Kyle does not talk about his feelings and reacts to everything with hostility. Kyle, on the other hand, wanted his wife to be happy, but did not know what was needed for this, so every time the woman raised this topic again and again, he plunged into stress.

Healing the avoidant self

If you recognize yourself in the description of an avoidant type of attachment and it has spoiled your relationship more than once, remember that this is not your fault. These patterns of behavior were established in childhood, before you learned to make your own decisions. nine0010

Here are some steps to help build stronger relationships:

  • Accept your wants and needs
  • Learn to be more open with loved ones
  • Accept that everyone is different
  • Learn to deal with other people if you offend them.

Reliable type

Traits of people with reliable type:

  • Easily adapt to new conditions and changing circumstances nine0004
  • Believe in relationships and prioritize them
  • Appreciate working on relationships, especially if things go wrong
  • Deal with difficulties and disagreements with confidence.

A reliable type of attachment allows a person to think clearly and adequately perceive the situation, even if a conflict arises. A person with this type does not experience stress due to closeness with other people. For people with secure attachments, connecting with others is a natural human need, a pleasant experience that they enjoy. nine0010

An example of people with secure attachments:

Last year, Tilda faced a real set of bad luck. She was laid off at work, her mother died of cancer, and a few months later her house and her husband burned down in a terrible fire. Tilda appreciates her marriage because, going through all these difficulties, her relationship with her husband has become a source of stability for her. “It was tough for both of us, but we knew we would break through eventually. I don’t even know what I would do without him, ”Tilda shared. nine0041

It is important to remember that any type of attachment can be developed. This is not an innate, but an acquired quality.

Annie Chen's book Attachment Theory will help you build relationships with family, colleagues, and friends. In it you will find exercises, practices and tests that will allow you to better understand yourself and others and start building healthy relationships.

Buy a book.

Tell everyone what an interesting article you found!

Attachment theory. Effective Practices to Build Strong Relationships with Loved Ones and PartnerAnnie Chen

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How to stop worrying and being sad, get along with generations X, Y and Z and find your love. nine0010

what is it, life examples, forms

What is selflessness?

Selflessness is a positive social quality of a person, manifested in the ability to sacrifice one's own interests for the sake of others. It is based on an understanding of one's responsibility to society, but it can manifest itself due to different qualities, experiences and circumstances.

The word "selflessness" is formed from the words "self" and "reject". That is, it is assumed that a person rejects himself and his interests for the sake of others. The concept of altruism is close in meaning, and egoism is the opposite.

The degree of selflessness varies, from everyday selfless deeds to real heroism. In any case, a selfless person decides for himself when the interests of other people are more important for him than his own.

Selflessness is a mandatory trait for many professions. In particular, it is necessary for the military, who must overcome fear and risk themselves, doing their duty and protecting their compatriots. It is necessary for firefighters and rescuers who regularly have to risk life and health, saving others. nine0010

In the examples given, selflessness is based on conscience, morality and selflessness. But it also happens that this trait degenerates, acquiring a negative meaning. For example, selfless overprotectiveness on the part of parents, as a rule, creates serious problems for the child. At the same time, it is based not so much on parental love as on selfishness.

Examples of selflessness

Many professions and activities require people to be altruistic and selfless. Consider a few examples for which these virtues are key:

  • Volunteers. Volunteering is an activity built entirely on altruism and selflessness. Volunteers spend their time, energy and even material resources to help those in need. They have enough work at normal times. And during natural disasters or hostilities, they risk their own lives to help others.
  • Rescuers. People have to be rescued from a variety of dangers: fire, water, collapses, natural disasters and all kinds of accidents. Of course, rescuers get paid for this. But in order to risk yourself, saving others, you need to be a selfless person. nine0004
  • Firemen. When putting out fires, you also have to risk yourself, pulling people and animals out of burning and collapsing buildings. Firefighters get a pretty high salary, and yet no one would risk their lives just for the sake of money. Therefore, selflessness is very important in this profession.
  • Social workers. Mostly selfless people who are ready to spend their time and energy to help those who need it go into this profession. At the same time, in the post-Soviet countries, this type of activity is paid quite low, and these same people could provide themselves much better by choosing another profession. nine0004
  • Doctors. Of course, a doctor can get a good salary in a private clinic. But in villages and small towns there are many state clinics in which doctors work for a rather modest salary. Nevertheless, they do not leave, because they understand that a large number of people need their help.
  • Teachers. In Russia and other post-Soviet countries, school teachers are traditionally paid very little, despite the fact that the future literally depends on them. Fortunately, there are always selfless people who are ready to devote their lives to this activity, despite a modest salary. nine0004

Another striking example of selflessness is an open statement of civil position if it contradicts the opinion of the majority of the population and the official position of the state. It is especially dangerous to do this in totalitarian countries, where such selflessness can be fraught with persecution, imprisonment and other negative consequences.

Maternal selflessness deserves special attention. A mother feels a special responsibility for her child and is ready to sacrifice anything for his well-being. At the same time, this desire can only have positive manifestations, or it can degenerate into overprotection. In this case, the mother can spend all her time trying to fully control the life of the child, even if the child is already more than 30 years old. nine0010

On what is selflessness built?

The foundation for selflessness is the inner qualities of a person, such as humanity, conscience, morality and morality. However, it is not regulated by any external influences. Accordingly, there are no rules to which this virtue must obey. For each person, it exists in the form in which it is determined by its inner spiritual core.

Sometimes selflessness manifests itself impulsively. A person who is generally not inclined to altruism, in a critical situation, can protect someone, risking his own life or health. nine0010

Selfless people are characterized by such qualities as generosity, compassion, kindness and honesty. As a rule, they do not strive for fame and do not expect gratitude for their actions, but simply act as they see fit. We can say that they have an internal compass of nobility and morality, the arrow of which always points in the right direction and will never falter under the influence of momentary doubt.

Forms of selflessness: positive and negative

This quality can manifest itself in different ways. It may be a sincere desire to help someone, ignoring their own interests, or it may be a senseless sacrifice.

1. Positive selflessness

Obviously, only those cases can be called positive selflessness when a person himself decides to help someone, while refusing his own benefit, not seeking glory and not expecting gratitude.

A very revealing sign of positive selflessness is that no one will know about the act being performed. That is, a person simply experiences inner joy from the fact that he helped someone, and does not expect gratitude or praise. In this case, we can say that the act was completely devoid of any selfish motives. nine0010

2. Negative selflessness

Despite the fact that selflessness is by definition a positive quality, it also has negative manifestations. In particular, it happens that a person behaves sacrificially because for some reason he devalues ​​his own personality. He believes that he does not deserve anything good, therefore, in any situation, is ready to sacrifice his own interests, yielding to those around him in everything.

It also happens the other way around – a person strives to elevate himself above others. With his sacrificial behavior, he seems to show that he is better and higher than the rest. Such dedication is usually based on cold calculation, and a person always thinks about what he is ready to sacrifice indicatively and what not. nine0010

To distinguish negative selflessness from positive selflessness, you need to pay attention to two signs:

  • Justification. Positive selflessness is usually justified, while negative selflessness is more often meaningless.
  • Sincerity. It is easy to notice when a person is sincerely trying to help or protect someone, and when he does it in a showy way or seeks to manipulate the opinions of others. nine0004

Usually negative selflessness has nothing to do with selflessness and the desire to help others. It either has ulterior motives, or indicates infantilism and weakness of the individual.

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