People that are in love
12 scientifically proven signs you’re in love
(Image credit: Getty)You may have experienced some signs you’re in love. Can't get someone out of your head? Daydreaming about them when you should be working? Imagining your futures together? These dizzying thoughts are just a few of the telltale signs you're in love.
In fact, scientists have pinned down exactly what it means to "fall in love." Researchers have found that the brain of a person in love looks very different from one experiencing mere lust, and it's also unlike the brain of someone in a long-term, committed relationship. Studies led by Helen Fisher , an anthropologist at Rutgers University and one of the leading experts on the biological basis of love, have revealed that the brain's "in love" phase is a unique and well-defined period of time. Here are 13 telltale signs you're in love.
THIS ARTICLE HAS BEEN MEDICALLY REVIEWED BY
THIS ARTICLE HAS BEEN MEDICALLY REVIEWED BY
MD, MSCI, FACC, FACPYasmine S. Ali MD is an award-winning physician writer who has published across multiple genres and media. She is President of LastSky Writing, LLC, and has 25 years of experience in medical writing, editing, and reviewing, across a broad range of health topics and medical conditions.
Dr. Ali is board certified in general internal medicine and the subspecialty of cardiovascular disease. She is a Fellow of the American College of Cardiology (FACC) and a Fellow of the American College of Physicians (FACP).
Thinking this one's special
When you're in love, more dopamine is released in the brain. (Image credit: Getty)When you're in love, you begin to think your beloved is unique. The belief is coupled with an inability to feel romantic passion for anyone else. According to a 2017 article in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior , this monogamy results from elevated levels of central dopamine — a chemical involved in attention and focus — in your brain.
Focusing on the positive
Being in love can alter the focus of a person's thoughts.
(Image credit: Getty)People who are truly in love tend to focus on the positive qualities of their beloved, while overlooking his or her negative traits. According to the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , relationships are usually more successful when partners are idealized.
Those who are in love also focus on trivial events and objects that remind them of their loved one, daydreaming about these precious little moments and mementos. According to research published in 2013 in the journal Motivation and Emotion , being in love prevents people from focusing on other information.
This focused attention is also thought to result from elevated levels of central dopamine, as well as a spike in central norepinephrine, a chemical associated with increased memory in the presence of new stimuli.
Emotional instability
Those in love can experience a range of emotions. (Image credit: Getty)As is well known, falling in love often leads to emotional and physiological instability.
You bounce between exhilaration, euphoria, increased energy, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, trembling, a racing heart and accelerated breathing, as well as anxiety, panic and feelings of despair when your relationship suffers even the smallest setback.
When extreme, these mood swings parallel the behavior of drug addicts, according to a 2017 article in the journal Philosophy, Psychiatry and Psychology . And indeed, when in-love people are shown pictures of their loved ones, it fires up the same regions of the brain that activate when a drug addict takes a "hit". According to Fisher , being in love is a form of addiction and when this is taken away from someone they can experience "withdrawals and relapse".
Intensifying attraction
Romantic attraction is associated with central dopamine (Image credit: Getty)Going through some sort of adversity with another person tends to intensify romantic attraction, according to Fisher’s research. Central dopamine may be responsible for this reaction, too, because research shows that when a reward is delayed, dopamine-producing neurons in the mid-brain region become more productive.
Intrusive thinking
Intrusive thinking can come in many forms. (Image credit: Getty)People who are in love report that they spend, on average, more than 85 percent of their waking hours musing over their "love object," according to Fisher. Intrusive thinking, as this form of obsessive behavior is called, may result from decreased levels of central serotonin in the brain, a condition that has been associated with obsessive behavior previously. (Obsessive-compulsive disorder is treated with serotonin-reuptake inhibitors.)
According to a 2012 study published in the Journal of Psychophysiology , men who are in love have lower serotonin levels than men who are not, while the opposite applies to women. The men and women who were in love were found to be thinking about their loved one for around 65 percent of the time they were awake.
Emotional dependency
People have evolved to show signs of emotional dependency in a relationship. (Image credit: Getty)People in love regularly exhibit signs of emotional dependency on their relationship, including possessiveness, jealousy, fear of rejection, and separation anxiety.
For instance, Fisher and her colleagues looked at the brains of individuals viewing photos of a rejected loved one, or someone they were still in love with after being rejected by that person.
The functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) showed activation in several brain areas, including forebrain areas like the cingulate gyrus that have been shown to play a role in cocaine cravings. "Activation of areas involved in cocaine addiction may help explain the obsessive behaviors associated with rejection in love," the researchers wrote in 2010 in the Journal of Neurophysiology .
Planning a future
The hormone oxytocin creates bonds between people. (Image credit: Getty)Longing for emotional union with a beloved, seeking out ways to get closer and day-dreaming about a future together are also signs of someone in love. According to an article by Harvard University , when serotonin levels begin to return to normal levels, the hormone oxytocin increases in the body.
This neurotransmitter is associated with creating more serious relationships.
Lucy Brown, a neuroscientist at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York, says this drive to be with another person is sort of like our drive toward water and other things we need to survive.
"Functional MRI studies show that primitive neural systems underlying drive, reward recognition and euphoria are active in almost everyone when they look at the face of their beloved and think loving thoughts. This puts romantic love in the company of survival systems, like those that make us hungry or thirsty," Brown told Live Science.
"I think of romantic love as part of the human reproductive strategy. It helps us form pair-bonds, which help us survive. We were built to experience the magic of love and to be driven toward another"
Feelings of empathy
Feeling of empathy are heightened when in love. (Image credit: Getty)People who are in love generally feel a powerful sense of empathy toward their beloved, feeling the other person's pain as their own and being willing to sacrifice anything for the other person.
In Fisher’s study, the scientists discovered significant patterns in the brain activity of people who were in love. Their mirror neurons, which are linked to feelings of empathy, were more active in people who were in a long-term, loving relationship.
Aligning interests
People in love may be "brain-chemical" opposites (Image credit: Getty)Falling in love can result in someone reordering their daily priorities to align with those of their beloved. While some people may attempt to be more like a loved one, another of Fisher's studies, presented in 2013 at the "Being Human" conference, found that people are attracted to their opposites, at least their "brain-chemical" opposites.
For instance, her research found that people with so-called testosterone-dominant personalities (highly analytical, competitive and emotionally contained) were often drawn to mates with personalities linked to high estrogen and oxytocin levels — these individuals tended to be "empathetic, nurturing, trusting and prosocial, and introspective, seeking meaning and identity," Fisher said in 2013 .
Possessive feelings
Strong feelings of attachment is a sign of love. (Image credit: Getty)Those who are deeply in love often experience sexual desire for their beloved, but there are strong emotional strings attached: The longing for sex is coupled with a desire for sexual exclusivity, and extreme jealousy when the partner is suspected of infidelity. According to the Indian Journal of Endocrinology and Metabolism, oxytocin is released during sexual activity. This hormone, as mentioned above, creates social bonds and develops trust.
This attachment is thought to have evolved so that an in-love person will compel his or her partner to spurn other suitors, thereby ensuring that the couple's courtship is not interrupted until conception has occurred. According to Fisher this evolved as a biological need, enabling people in romantic relationships to “focus [their] mating energy on a particular individual”.
Craving an emotional union
(Image credit: Getty)While the desire for sexual union is important to people in love, the craving for emotional union takes precedence.
Fisher’s 2002 study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior found that 64 percent of people in love (the same percentage for both sexes) disagreed with the statement, "Sex is the most important part of my relationship with [my partner]."
Feeling out of control
A lack of control over your feelings is a common sign of love. (Image credit: Getty)Fisher and her colleagues found that individuals who report being "in love" commonly say their passion is involuntary and uncontrollable.
For her 1979 book "Love and Limerence," the late psychologist Dorothy Tennov asked 400 men and women in Connecticut to respond to 200 statements on romantic love. Many participants expressed feelings of helplessness, saying their obsession was irrational and involuntary.
According to Fisher, one participant, a business executive in his early 50s wrote this about an office crush, "I am advancing toward the thesis that this attraction for Emily is a kind of biological, instinct-like action that is not under voluntary or logical control.
... It directs me. I try desperately to argue with it, to limit its influence, to channel it (into sex, for example), to deny it, to enjoy it, and, yes, dammit, to make her respond! Even though I know that Emily and I have absolutely no chance of making a life together, the thought of her is an obsession," Fisher reported in 2016 online in Nautilus.
Losing the spark
The dynamic of a relationship can change over time. (Image credit: Getty)Unfortunately, being in love doesn't always last forever and psychologists say that the early euphoric stage lasts no longer than three years, according to Fisher’s blog. It's an impermanent state that either evolves into a long-term relationship that psychologists call "attachment," or it dissipates, and the relationship dissolves. If there are physical or social barriers inhibiting partners from seeing one another regularly — for example, if the relationship is long-distance — then the "in love" phase generally lasts longer than it would otherwise.
Additional resources
To find out why people crave love and learn more about the research of Helen Fisher, you can watch her TED talk– The brain in love . For further reading about love and the body, the book The Science of Love and Attraction , written by neuroscientist Dr. Guloglu, explores how and why people love.
Bibliography
"Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice" The Journal of Comparative Neurology (2005). https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/cne.20772
"Differences in Neural Response to Romantic Stimuli in Monogamous and Non-Monogamous Men". Archives of Sexual Behaviour (2017). https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-017-1071-9
"The benefits of positive illusions: Idealization and the construction of satisfaction in close relationships". Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1996). https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1996-01707-007
"Reduced cognitive control in passionate lovers".
Leiden, Universiteit (2013). https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/11/131111091355.htm
"Addicted to love: What is love addiction and when should it be treated?". Philosophy, Psychiatry and Psychology (2017). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5378292/
"Reward, Addiction, and Emotion Regulation Systems Associated With Rejection in Love". Journal of Neurophysiology (2010). https://journals.physiology.org/doi/full/10.1152/jn.00784.2009
"Defining the brain systems of lust, romantic attraction, and attachment. Archives of Sexual Behavior (2002). https://www.researchgate.net/publication/11151468
For the science geek in everyone, Live Science offers a fascinating window into the natural and technological world, delivering comprehensive and compelling news and analysis on everything from dinosaur discoveries, archaeological finds and amazing animals to health, innovation and wearable technology. We aim to empower and inspire our readers with the tools needed to understand the world and appreciate its everyday awe.
12 scientifically proven signs you’re in love
(Image credit: Getty)You may have experienced some signs you’re in love. Can't get someone out of your head? Daydreaming about them when you should be working? Imagining your futures together? These dizzying thoughts are just a few of the telltale signs you're in love.
In fact, scientists have pinned down exactly what it means to "fall in love." Researchers have found that the brain of a person in love looks very different from one experiencing mere lust, and it's also unlike the brain of someone in a long-term, committed relationship. Studies led by Helen Fisher , an anthropologist at Rutgers University and one of the leading experts on the biological basis of love, have revealed that the brain's "in love" phase is a unique and well-defined period of time. Here are 13 telltale signs you're in love.
THIS ARTICLE HAS BEEN MEDICALLY REVIEWED BY
THIS ARTICLE HAS BEEN MEDICALLY REVIEWED BY
MD, MSCI, FACC, FACPYasmine S.
Ali MD is an award-winning physician writer who has published across multiple genres and media. She is President of LastSky Writing, LLC, and has 25 years of experience in medical writing, editing, and reviewing, across a broad range of health topics and medical conditions.
Dr. Ali is board certified in general internal medicine and the subspecialty of cardiovascular disease. She is a Fellow of the American College of Cardiology (FACC) and a Fellow of the American College of Physicians (FACP).
Thinking this one's special
When you're in love, more dopamine is released in the brain. (Image credit: Getty)When you're in love, you begin to think your beloved is unique. The belief is coupled with an inability to feel romantic passion for anyone else. According to a 2017 article in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior , this monogamy results from elevated levels of central dopamine — a chemical involved in attention and focus — in your brain.
Focusing on the positive
Being in love can alter the focus of a person's thoughts.
(Image credit: Getty)People who are truly in love tend to focus on the positive qualities of their beloved, while overlooking his or her negative traits. According to the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , relationships are usually more successful when partners are idealized.
Those who are in love also focus on trivial events and objects that remind them of their loved one, daydreaming about these precious little moments and mementos. According to research published in 2013 in the journal Motivation and Emotion , being in love prevents people from focusing on other information.
This focused attention is also thought to result from elevated levels of central dopamine, as well as a spike in central norepinephrine, a chemical associated with increased memory in the presence of new stimuli.
Emotional instability
Those in love can experience a range of emotions. (Image credit: Getty)As is well known, falling in love often leads to emotional and physiological instability.
You bounce between exhilaration, euphoria, increased energy, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, trembling, a racing heart and accelerated breathing, as well as anxiety, panic and feelings of despair when your relationship suffers even the smallest setback.
When extreme, these mood swings parallel the behavior of drug addicts, according to a 2017 article in the journal Philosophy, Psychiatry and Psychology . And indeed, when in-love people are shown pictures of their loved ones, it fires up the same regions of the brain that activate when a drug addict takes a "hit". According to Fisher , being in love is a form of addiction and when this is taken away from someone they can experience "withdrawals and relapse".
Intensifying attraction
Romantic attraction is associated with central dopamine (Image credit: Getty)Going through some sort of adversity with another person tends to intensify romantic attraction, according to Fisher’s research. Central dopamine may be responsible for this reaction, too, because research shows that when a reward is delayed, dopamine-producing neurons in the mid-brain region become more productive.
Intrusive thinking
Intrusive thinking can come in many forms. (Image credit: Getty)People who are in love report that they spend, on average, more than 85 percent of their waking hours musing over their "love object," according to Fisher. Intrusive thinking, as this form of obsessive behavior is called, may result from decreased levels of central serotonin in the brain, a condition that has been associated with obsessive behavior previously. (Obsessive-compulsive disorder is treated with serotonin-reuptake inhibitors.)
According to a 2012 study published in the Journal of Psychophysiology , men who are in love have lower serotonin levels than men who are not, while the opposite applies to women. The men and women who were in love were found to be thinking about their loved one for around 65 percent of the time they were awake.
Emotional dependency
People have evolved to show signs of emotional dependency in a relationship. (Image credit: Getty)People in love regularly exhibit signs of emotional dependency on their relationship, including possessiveness, jealousy, fear of rejection, and separation anxiety.
For instance, Fisher and her colleagues looked at the brains of individuals viewing photos of a rejected loved one, or someone they were still in love with after being rejected by that person.
The functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) showed activation in several brain areas, including forebrain areas like the cingulate gyrus that have been shown to play a role in cocaine cravings. "Activation of areas involved in cocaine addiction may help explain the obsessive behaviors associated with rejection in love," the researchers wrote in 2010 in the Journal of Neurophysiology .
Planning a future
The hormone oxytocin creates bonds between people. (Image credit: Getty)Longing for emotional union with a beloved, seeking out ways to get closer and day-dreaming about a future together are also signs of someone in love. According to an article by Harvard University , when serotonin levels begin to return to normal levels, the hormone oxytocin increases in the body.
This neurotransmitter is associated with creating more serious relationships.
Lucy Brown, a neuroscientist at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York, says this drive to be with another person is sort of like our drive toward water and other things we need to survive.
"Functional MRI studies show that primitive neural systems underlying drive, reward recognition and euphoria are active in almost everyone when they look at the face of their beloved and think loving thoughts. This puts romantic love in the company of survival systems, like those that make us hungry or thirsty," Brown told Live Science.
"I think of romantic love as part of the human reproductive strategy. It helps us form pair-bonds, which help us survive. We were built to experience the magic of love and to be driven toward another"
Feelings of empathy
Feeling of empathy are heightened when in love. (Image credit: Getty)People who are in love generally feel a powerful sense of empathy toward their beloved, feeling the other person's pain as their own and being willing to sacrifice anything for the other person.
In Fisher’s study, the scientists discovered significant patterns in the brain activity of people who were in love. Their mirror neurons, which are linked to feelings of empathy, were more active in people who were in a long-term, loving relationship.
Aligning interests
People in love may be "brain-chemical" opposites (Image credit: Getty)Falling in love can result in someone reordering their daily priorities to align with those of their beloved. While some people may attempt to be more like a loved one, another of Fisher's studies, presented in 2013 at the "Being Human" conference, found that people are attracted to their opposites, at least their "brain-chemical" opposites.
For instance, her research found that people with so-called testosterone-dominant personalities (highly analytical, competitive and emotionally contained) were often drawn to mates with personalities linked to high estrogen and oxytocin levels — these individuals tended to be "empathetic, nurturing, trusting and prosocial, and introspective, seeking meaning and identity," Fisher said in 2013 .
Possessive feelings
Strong feelings of attachment is a sign of love. (Image credit: Getty)Those who are deeply in love often experience sexual desire for their beloved, but there are strong emotional strings attached: The longing for sex is coupled with a desire for sexual exclusivity, and extreme jealousy when the partner is suspected of infidelity. According to the Indian Journal of Endocrinology and Metabolism, oxytocin is released during sexual activity. This hormone, as mentioned above, creates social bonds and develops trust.
This attachment is thought to have evolved so that an in-love person will compel his or her partner to spurn other suitors, thereby ensuring that the couple's courtship is not interrupted until conception has occurred. According to Fisher this evolved as a biological need, enabling people in romantic relationships to “focus [their] mating energy on a particular individual”.
Craving an emotional union
(Image credit: Getty)While the desire for sexual union is important to people in love, the craving for emotional union takes precedence.
Fisher’s 2002 study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior found that 64 percent of people in love (the same percentage for both sexes) disagreed with the statement, "Sex is the most important part of my relationship with [my partner]."
Feeling out of control
A lack of control over your feelings is a common sign of love. (Image credit: Getty)Fisher and her colleagues found that individuals who report being "in love" commonly say their passion is involuntary and uncontrollable.
For her 1979 book "Love and Limerence," the late psychologist Dorothy Tennov asked 400 men and women in Connecticut to respond to 200 statements on romantic love. Many participants expressed feelings of helplessness, saying their obsession was irrational and involuntary.
According to Fisher, one participant, a business executive in his early 50s wrote this about an office crush, "I am advancing toward the thesis that this attraction for Emily is a kind of biological, instinct-like action that is not under voluntary or logical control.
... It directs me. I try desperately to argue with it, to limit its influence, to channel it (into sex, for example), to deny it, to enjoy it, and, yes, dammit, to make her respond! Even though I know that Emily and I have absolutely no chance of making a life together, the thought of her is an obsession," Fisher reported in 2016 online in Nautilus.
Losing the spark
The dynamic of a relationship can change over time. (Image credit: Getty)Unfortunately, being in love doesn't always last forever and psychologists say that the early euphoric stage lasts no longer than three years, according to Fisher’s blog. It's an impermanent state that either evolves into a long-term relationship that psychologists call "attachment," or it dissipates, and the relationship dissolves. If there are physical or social barriers inhibiting partners from seeing one another regularly — for example, if the relationship is long-distance — then the "in love" phase generally lasts longer than it would otherwise.
Additional resources
To find out why people crave love and learn more about the research of Helen Fisher, you can watch her TED talk– The brain in love . For further reading about love and the body, the book The Science of Love and Attraction , written by neuroscientist Dr. Guloglu, explores how and why people love.
Bibliography
"Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice" The Journal of Comparative Neurology (2005). https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/cne.20772
"Differences in Neural Response to Romantic Stimuli in Monogamous and Non-Monogamous Men". Archives of Sexual Behaviour (2017). https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-017-1071-9
"The benefits of positive illusions: Idealization and the construction of satisfaction in close relationships". Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1996). https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1996-01707-007
"Reduced cognitive control in passionate lovers".
Leiden, Universiteit (2013). https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/11/131111091355.htm
"Addicted to love: What is love addiction and when should it be treated?". Philosophy, Psychiatry and Psychology (2017). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5378292/
"Reward, Addiction, and Emotion Regulation Systems Associated With Rejection in Love". Journal of Neurophysiology (2010). https://journals.physiology.org/doi/full/10.1152/jn.00784.2009
"Defining the brain systems of lust, romantic attraction, and attachment. Archives of Sexual Behavior (2002). https://www.researchgate.net/publication/11151468
For the science geek in everyone, Live Science offers a fascinating window into the natural and technological world, delivering comprehensive and compelling news and analysis on everything from dinosaur discoveries, archaeological finds and amazing animals to health, innovation and wearable technology. We aim to empower and inspire our readers with the tools needed to understand the world and appreciate its everyday awe.
9 things that only couples who are truly in love do
Love and sex
It seems that your relationship is perfect, but even the most perfect couples sometimes have doubts. We know how to measure your feelings for strength, but first we warn you - every relationship is individual, and you should not follow any conventions. So, if you are made for each other, then you probably do these 9 things together.
You are constantly in touch
Despite the fact that you've been dating for quite some time, you still don't stop writing each other cute messages, sharing photos and silly jokes found on the Internet. You talk on facetime if one of you is in another country and exchange audio messages before going to bed. And as soon as something important or disturbing happens to you, you call him, and he will definitely find the appropriate words.
Hugs are still not alien to you
Hugs are one of the most important rituals for you.
As soon as you hug him, you certainly feel safe, and he puts all his warmth into such tenderness. So if you are still not tired of hugging - be sure that everything is fine with you. Many scientists, by the way, are sure that hugs awaken in us an even greater percentage of oxytocin (the hormone of joy) than kisses.
You are not shy about sharing feelings and experiences with each other life). You, in turn, know that you can rely on him in any situation. And you are not afraid to talk to each other about feelings and desires - it's worth a lot.
Interests of each other are important to you
If he has an important match, you are more likely to watch it together. And despite the fact that you are far from being a fan of football, you will get great pleasure and recharge with its excitement. He is not averse to going to the theater with you to see “that strange play” or to keep you company at a new exhibition. He is even “for” going to yoga with you in order to understand what is so special about you.
You keep making surprises
He brings you kinder surprises and you give him gym gloves for no reason. He can buy two tickets in the summer, even for the weekend, and tell you about it the day before the flight, and you organize a romantic dinner in the middle of the week. It is pleasant for you to please each other - even if these surprises are sometimes completely insignificant. But attention to detail is the most important thing.
You play subtle jokes on each other
You have jokes that only you understand. That is why the two of you are not bored either at a ridiculous party or at home. You know how to smooth out conflicts, turning everything into a smile, and sometimes even make fun of each other, like old friends. Believe me, it is very rare when two people of the opposite sex have the same sense of humor.
You are planning a future together
No, you do not calculate how much your wedding will cost, you just love to talk about which city you could live in for several months, and where to go on a dream vacation.
And you also love to equip an apartment and always find compromises in choosing the color of walls and furniture. And you are also going to take a course in a new foreign language or learn a new hobby.
You are not shy about going anywhere together
In any company - whether it be your friends or his - you feel comfortable together. Nothing prevents you from spreading out among the companies, but as soon as you return to each other's arms, the evening becomes even more fun. You love to go somewhere together, and you don’t even have a thought that one of you will be inappropriate in this or that company.
You are proud of each other's achievements
Supporting a loved one in grief is half the battle, but sincerely being happy for him can be difficult. Especially if now you have a pause in this area, and he turns mountains on the way to a dizzying career (and vice versa). You respect each other's desire to develop and make new acquaintances, and when a loved one reaches his goal, you are sincerely proud of him.
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"Unsolved Mysteries": Why love is a disease
About 7 billion people live on our planet, differing in skin color, wealth and temperament. But there is one feeling that unites everyone - this is love. It turns heads and brings happiness, and it also happens that a wonderful feeling becomes a dangerous tool that in an instant can break a person’s life or cause unbearable pain.
Each of us, probably, wondered: "Where is love born?". Some answer this question - "in the heart", while others say - "in the brain." Why was it called a disease and is it true that love lives for three years? How do we choose each other and why do we fall in love with the wrong people? The answers to these and many other questions are in our material.
Symptom one: "tunnel vision"
According to psychologist Ekaterina Stepanova, love is like a fever, some kind of strong emotional outburst. “When people fall in love, they first go through the stage of“ fusion ”- lovers do not notice the differences between themselves, but pay more attention to similarities.
This is how the general concept of“ we ”appears, which blurs the individuality of each lover,” she explained.
Psychologists unanimously say that all love stories begin the same way, but end differently. Among the first symptoms of love, experts distinguish "tunnel vision", when a person is not able to perceive anything that does not directly or indirectly relate to his object of love.
Doctor of Medical Sciences, Professor Alexei Danilov is sure that at the first stage of love, the fate of a person’s further state of mind is decided: “If a person does not find an answer from the object of love, then depending on his level of culture, his moral values, a person is able to become evil, commit a crime aimed at a partner or circumstances around. Or he can write a picture, a poem, music, perform a feat in the name of his love. "
Photo: ITAR-TASS
Symptom two: flight and clouding of reason
Another symptom of love is an exacerbation of feelings. So, a person has a certain feeling of flight and a strange clouding of reason.
A lover wants to sing, dance, do something unusual all the time, he wants to move mountains...
"A person really becomes stupid at this time. And such perception is called limitation. There is an idealization of the image of a beloved, which a person does not want to destroy at all," - says psychologist Ekaterina Stepanova.
During the passage of this stage, experts note emotional and psychological instability in lovers, accompanied by insomnia, which does not affect performance in any way, there is no feeling of fatigue. In this state, a person is not afraid of bacteria and viruses, no disease will take him. However, the person is already sick.
It is worth noting that in 2000 falling in love was officially recognized as a disease and included in the international classifier of diseases under the code F63.9 - doctors attributed this romantic feeling to psychiatric deviations.
"Love is akin to a neurosis. A state that is ready to turn into a borderline one, if a person does not direct his attention to other aspects of life.
Then it can even turn into a psychotic state," continues Ekaterina Stepanova.
Where does love originate - in the heart or in the brain?
The emergence of falling in love occurs simultaneously in the brain and in the heart. "The brain is the coordinator, and the heart is the motor of love," notes Alexey Danilov.
According to him, now science is discovering neurophysical and biological mechanisms that help to understand this connection: "It is already obvious that in a person in love both the heart sings and the brain is happy."
Scientists are convinced that love is nothing but a chemical reaction, under the influence of which all human systems and organs begin to work differently.
"The intensity of love depends on hormonal saturation. The higher the content of hormones that are responsible for the state of love, the more pronounced the manifestations of love in a person," says endocrinologist Svetlana Kalinichenko.
Photo: ITAR-TASS
Love originates in the adrenal glands
When a person falls in love, the adrenal glands are the first to respond.
They begin to produce hormones of passion and fear. At the sight of an object of love, thanks to adrenaline, the heartbeat quickens, blood flow accelerates. The hormone cortisol increases the production of glucose in the pancreas, giving the body more energy. It is because of this that lovers do not want to sleep or eat. It also increases the breakdown of fats, so you can lose weight from love. Norepinephrine gives a feeling of slight intoxication, which causes addiction, which is why it is so difficult for lovers to part even for a few hours.
According to Professor Alexei Danilov, love is a very powerful biochemical explosion, a very well-built, beautiful neurochemical concert: "Love is a very good training for the brain, because it is well supplied with blood in this state."
Butterflies in the stomach
Scientists compared brain tomograms of couples in love and drug addicted patients. As a result, in both cases, the same zones were active, responsible for the so-called "reward system".
This is expressed by an increased level of dopamine - a substance that causes a feeling of pleasure. Only for lovers this increase was natural, and for drug addicts it was artificial. The hormone dopamine gives a feeling of "butterflies in the stomach", this is how our hormonal background works.
Love does not come from hormone injections
There were many experiments with different sets of hormones, but nothing worked. It turned out that love causes a surge of hormones, and a surge of hormones cannot cause love.
Scientists say that romantic attraction is born in the unconscious, it is this part of the psyche that commands the body to start the biochemical processes characteristic of falling in love. People intuitively know more about each other than the rational part of the mind can comprehend.
Initially, a person sees an image, and inside his unconscious, literally within 30-60 seconds, an acceptance or rejection of this image is formed.
According to psychologists, this perception gives our image-ego.
We are talking about a certain image, assembled from fragments. The fragments themselves come from people who influenced us in childhood: these are parents, grandparents, siblings, a kindergarten teacher, a neighbor, a passerby on the street, and so on. Our brain stores all the information about these people. The sounds of their voices, the degree of their concern for us, the complexion in a moment of anger, smiles in a moment of happiness.
Absolutely everyone we meet, whether we like it or not, we compare with our image-ego. If there is a match on some grounds, we immediately feel interest, while recognition occurs by facial features.
"We can determine the success of a man by behavioral factors. Women choose different characters, and men choose a fragile image that needs protection and care," explains psychologist Ekaterina Stepanova.
Photo: ITAR-TASS
People fall in love with asymmetry
We know that our faces are not symmetrical. When evaluating a potential partner, we first look at the face.
One glance is enough to understand whether you like it or not. If yes. We move on to scanning the appearance as a whole.
Thus, women instinctively pay attention to the reliability of a partner and the opportunity to acquire offspring with him, to social success. And men - on the sexuality of women.
There is an opinion that modern men are attracted by slimness or even thinness. But this is a myth: men chose both slender and plump women, but everyone chose women with a pronounced waist.
The figure of a woman depends on how the adipose tissue is distributed.
Apple, pear and banana
There is a conditional division of female figures into three types: apple, pear, banana. The "apples" have a distribution of fat in the upper torso, and no waist. The "banana" body is toned, slender, but there are no characteristic female curves. Pears have a thin waist and wide hips, which are the most attractive for men.
According to psychologists, a man sees in such a woman an ideal vessel for giving birth and bearing a child.
But there is another very important factor besides appearance – smell. The specificity of the smell of a person is added by substances due to which we experience excitement - sexual attractants. The hormone testosterone is responsible for their production.
People choose their partners by smell. This is not a perfume, but a subtle smell of sweat, which contains sex attractants, testosterone derivatives.
Sweat contains two types of steroids: androstenol and andostenol. They are in men and women, only in different proportions. If people have a proportionately opposite content of these steroids, this is an ideal couple. Healthy children should be born from this couple.
The level of production of sexual attractants depends on the general state of health, libido and even mood. This aroma is very weak, it is not captured by our consciousness, but is evaluated by our subconscious and is an important selection criterion. Thus, we weed out a healthier, stronger, sex partner for life.
When we smell, the nerve impulse from the nose goes to the brain. The signal goes to the frontal lobe, where it is determined what kind of smell it is, and to the limbic system - this is the part of the brain that contains the memory of the emotions that we experienced when we felt this or that smell. Therefore, the smell is able to evoke strong emotions based on previous experiences.
Scientists have found that couples who have lived together for a long time become similar. They have common habits, words, gestures, even outwardly they resemble each other.
Photo: ITAR-TASS
The average duration of love is 1.5-3 years
Every time we fall in love, it seems to us that it is forever. But sooner or later the euphoria goes away, and with it the desire to be together. The average length of love is 1.5-3 years. This is enough for the child to be born and grow stronger. If you've been with your partner longer, there's more than just chemistry between you.
How is true love different?
Monroe's Syndrome
"Monroe's Syndrome" - another psychological disorder, love addiction. Dependent people are most often those who say: "I will die without this person." When there is such an attitude, it is not love, but a painful perception of this feeling, psychologists say.
The lack of love in childhood is to blame. Love addiction does not allow a person to live in harmony with himself. A person loses himself in alcohol addiction, in depression, he is prone to suicide.
The emotions of a love addict are like a swing. When he experiences love and connection with a partner. He is euphoric, but as soon as he feels coldness, depression sets in. The psyche can't handle it.
One step from love to jealousy
Falling in love is the state of being “in love with love”, in the image that a person likes. And love is a feeling of love for this particular person, with all his shortcomings. Jealousy is the opposite of love.
Even with minor manifestations, her person becomes dangerous for himself and others.
The main indicator is selfishness. It is developed to such an extent that a person is perceived as personal property.
According to statistics, every fourth union breaks up because of jealousy. This feeling is destructive, first of all, for the jealous person himself.
Professor Alexei Danilov believes that people who live together for a long time get used to each other biochemically and need to feed on each other: "When a person loses such a partner, the level of serotonin in the brain decreases."
Attachment hormone
Oxytocin binds two loving people. It is called the "attachment hormone". Each person has oxytocin receptors, which means that all people are capable of love and affection. Therefore, no one can escape love.
Note that people who experience love and gratitude are better protected from strokes and depression.
Love moves us, determining our destiny.
