Not wanting relationships

6 Reasons I Don't Want A Relationship — And Why There's Nothing Wrong With That

By Nisha Baghadia

Not the relationship type? Well, trust me, you are not the only one.

Society assumes that being in a relationship is necessary to be happy. The funny thing about labels and commitments is that they tie you down. Don’t let societal pressures get to you because many people are in a relationship just for the sake of it.

A lot of people are constantly judged for not being the “relationship type,” thanks to false stereotypes. But the truth is, there is absolutely nothing wrong with not being in a relationship.

Honestly, it’s a great feeling, and it gives you the freedom to enjoy yourself.

Is there something wrong with me if I don't want a relationship?

It's totally normal if you don't want to be in a relationship, because not everyone does. If someone doesn't want to be in a relationship, they call themselves single and let others know they want to stay that way.

It's not weird to say so; in fact, it's normal to be single at any point in your life and still not want a relationship or real commitment.

If you're questioning how to say you don't want a relationship, simply tell the person that you're happy to keep it casual, and you aren't currently ready for any commitment.

RELATED: 5 Ways Being Single Is Way Better Than Being In A Bad Relationship

Why are people afraid to commit to a relationship?

If someone says they don't want to be in a relationship, that's exactly what they mean. They don't want a relationship because they want to stay single. It's as simple as that.

Some people are afraid of commitment in a relationship because of issues in their past, leading to trust issues that caused them to develop commitment problems. They could also be scared to give themselves to someone for the simple reason that they don't want to get their heart broken again.

Whatever the reason, people who believe they can help someone with commitment issues by giving them enough time or love, or think they can make a relationship work by changing a person's mind, have it all wrong. That doesn't work.

People will only change themselves if they see a need for it. That can be hard for those with a commitment issue to see that need in other people, making them want to try and commit to a relationship again.

If you have commitment issues, or want to stay single but still go out and date people, you can obviously do so by being very upfront with potential partners you date. It's important to let them know you aren't looking for anything long-term or even a relationship, in general.

RELATED: 14 Songs About Being Single And Proud For Anyone Who's Alone And Happy About It

Here are a few reasons why I don't want to be in a relationship — and why it’s totally okay if you are not the relationship type.

1. It’s not at all a bad thing.

Since I’m usually single, I’ve heard many snide comments that naturally make me feel upset. I started feeling like I needed a relationship just to put an end to the criticism.

Perhaps your current views regarding relationships will change over time, but even if they don’t, it’s still okay.

I realized I was never happy in a relationship. I was not excited about doing activities together or spending time doing something I don’t entirely enjoy.

And this fact isn’t a bad thing. All it says is that I have different priorities in life as compared to others around me.

2. Reasons don't matter.

People are often too curious about why someone is not in a relationship. But as long as you are happy, that’s all that matters.

No matter what the reason is, nobody should judge you for it. It’s possible that you are successful in your career right now and prefer to be committed to it. Or maybe romantic relationships are just too much work for you and the emotional aspect is something that does not interest you.

There is no need to feel that you need to change your preferences to fit a social profile.

3. You have a fear of being tied down.

This exists within all of us — the fear of being tied down. However, only a few of us are vocal about it.

To me, a relationship is something that terrifies me to the point of calling it quits. Commitment issues are real, and they can tear relationships apart. So be clear about what you want right from the beginning, and you will be safe.

Take care of your mental health and don't let others make you feel bad if you're struggling with commitment issues. As someone who is not the relationship type, I have been there, and I realized that spending time with myself was something I preferred to being with others.

RELATED: 12 Reasons Being Single Is Freaking Awesome

4. You are your priority.

Think about the time when you would just relax, either by yourself or with friends and family. You would watch your favorite TV show in your comfy jammies and not have a care in the world, or shop for hours and eat at your favorite diner.

Many of these things disappear in a relationship because priorities change. And that is a big red signal for me.

I want to be my priority, and be able to do what I want at any time of the day.

5. You constantly desire others.

Well, if you are committed to someone, it’s not ideal to go about flirting with others.

If you are always looking for someone else, or flirting and cheating on your partner, the relationship loses its meaning (unless, of course, you’ve agreed to an open relationship).

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It’s better to be single and have the opportunity to flirt or get together with whomever you want, instead of cheating on your partner and then feeling guilty about it.

As long as you are honest about what you want, nobody can question you otherwise. Whether you want to be in a serious committed relationship or keep your dating life super-casual, that is completely up to you.


Your career comes first.

For some of us, our foremost priority is our career, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Not everyone has to be in a relationship and it’s okay to instead shift your focus to something you are more passionate about. It is important to always do what you love, whether that’s work or play.

By forcing yourself into a relationship, you can hinder the pleasure that work gives you.

People often make a big deal about someone who is not the “relationship type,” but I have been single for a while now, and there is nothing I enjoy more than my freedom.

Life is ultimately about being happy, so instead of worrying about what others think, strive to focus on the things that feel right to you. Even if that means doing your own thing.

RELATED: Happiness Expert Finds That Single Women Are The Healthiest & Happiest People

More for You:

Nisha Baghadia has written many articles on fitness, wellness, and beauty. She's a regular contributor to and a few other websites.

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This article was originally published at Role Reboot. Reprinted with permission from the author.

Half of All Single People Just Don’t Want a Relationship

  • A new survey reveals that half of single people are not interested in having a romantic relationship or even going on a date.
  • The results are consistent with trends observed for more than a decade in countries cultures around the world.
  • People who have been divorced or widowed are especially unlikely to seek new relationships.
  • Among both men and women, the top reason cited for disinterest is that they're too busy.

A just-released report from the Pew Research Center sends a dagger straight through the heart of a popular mythology—the one that insists that what single people want, more than anything else, is to become coupled. So untrue. The findings, based on a national, random sampling of nearly 5,000 adults in the U.S., showed that 50 percent of single people are not interested in a committed romantic relationship and they are not even interested in a date.

Another 10 percent want nothing more than casual dates. About a quarter of single people, 26 percent, would be interested in casual dates or a committed romantic relationship. Just 14 percent are looking only for a serious romantic relationship.

A Stereotype-Shattering Finding That's Been True for at Least 15 Years

It would be tempting to assume that this is a testament to the growing numbers of single people. Just about every time the Census Bureau releases its latest figures, we learn that there are even more single people than there were the year before. A previous Pew report made the remarkable prediction that by the time today’s young adults reach the age of 50, about one in four of them will have been single their entire lives. That’s a cohort of 50-year-olds in which 25 percent have never been married.

The phenomenon is not specific to the U.S. or to Western nations. In many countries all around the world, rates of marriage are also headed downhill.

I’ve been keeping track of surveys of people’s interest in marriage and romantic relationships for years. Because the questions are asked in different ways with different kinds of options for answering, the results can seem confusing. There is, though, one study very similar to the new 2020 survey—a survey, also conducted by the Pew Research Center, from 2005. (It is study #1 in this review.)

The participants in the 2005 Pew survey were adults in the U.S. who were legally single—either divorced, separated, or widowed, or they had always been single. They were asked whether they were in a committed romantic relationship, and whether they were currently looking for a partner. They were not asked whether they were interested in casual dating.

Those results from 15 years ago were strikingly similar to the ones just reported. More than half of all unmarried Americans, 55 percent, were not in a committed romantic relationship and were not looking for one. Just 16 percent of unmarried Americans who were not already in a serious relationship said that they wanted to be.

Solo single people uninterested in a romantic relationship:

  • 50 percent: 2020 survey
  • 55 percent: 2005 survey

Solo single people looking for a serious romantic relationship:

  • 14 percent: 2020 survey
  • 16 percent: 2005 survey

The 2020 study was a bit different because it started with people who were socially single rather than just legally single. “Single” was defined as not married (that’s the legal definition) and also not living with a partner or in a committed romantic relationship (those people are socially single). Of all those single people—people not currently married or in a serious romantic relationship—exactly half, 50 percent, said that they were not looking for a romantic relationship or even a date. Only 14 percent said they wanted a committed romantic relationship and not just something casual.

The Singles Who Are Especially Uninterested in Partnering

The findings I have summarized so far were averaged across all single people. But unmarried people are quite a diverse group. Are there differences among single people in who is most uninterested in romantic partnering?

When I reviewed five previous studies, I found one strong and consistent finding: People who have tried marriage before (they are divorced or widowed) are especially unlikely to want to try it again. The new 2020 study, which asked a broader question about interest in romantic partnering (not just marriage), found the same thing.

Remember that across all single people, whether previously married or always single, 50 percent said they were uninterested in a romantic relationship or even a date. For divorced people, that number was 56 percent and for the widowed, it was a striking 74 percent. Only the people who had never tried marriage were more likely to be interested in romantic partnering than uninterested (38 percent were uninterested).

The high level of disinterest among the widowed suggests that age could also be a factor, and it is. Three-quarters of people 65 and older are completely uninterested in a romantic relationship or dating. For the 50- to 64-year-olds, the percentage is the same as for the sample as a whole—half are uninterested. Among the younger groups, fewer people express no interest at all in romantic relationships or dating, but the percentages are still substantial—39 percent for the 30- to 49-year-olds and 37 percent for the 18- to 29-year-olds.

Uninterested in romantic relationships or dating:

  • 37 percent: ages 18-29
  • 39 percent: ages 30-49
  • 50 percent: ages 50-64
  • 75 percent: ages 65-plus

More women than men have no interest in romantic relationships or dating. The difference becomes even greater at older ages. At ages 40 and above, more than 7 in 10 women (71 percent) are completely uninterested in dating or romantic relationships, compared to 42 percent of men. Among the younger adults, the difference is just 39 percent for the women, compared to 33 percent for the men. These findings tell the same story as previous studies of gender differences in experiences of single life.

Why Aren’t Singles Interested in Romantic Partnering?

In one of my previous posts here at Living Single, I critiqued a study that tried to figure out why men stay single based on just one flaming Reddit thread. Even in that thread, in which the men were egging each other on to say outrageous things, striking numbers of men said that they were single because they liked being single, they had other priorities, or they just weren’t interested in romantic relationships. Not that you could easily tell that from the published version of the article. The author tried to bury all those kinds of answers and instead emphasized comments suggesting that the men were single because they were ugly, had low self-esteem, or just weren’t making much of an effort.

The Pew researchers were a bit more even-handed. First, their recruitment efforts targeted a national sample. And second, they did not rely on a Reddit thread to generate the possible answers.

By far, the two most popular answers the national sample of U.S. adults gave for why they were uninterested in romantic partnering were that they have more important priorities (47 percent), and they just like being single (44 percent).

Have more important priorities:

  • 61 percent: ages 18-49
  • 38 percent: ages 50-plus

Like being single:

  • 41 percent: ages 18-49
  • 46 percent: ages 50-plus

The younger adults (under the age of 50) were especially likely to say that they have more important priorities; 61 percent of them said that, compared to 38 percent of the older adults.

The older adults (50 and over) were especially likely to say that they just liked being single; 46 percent of them said that, even more than the 38 percent who said they have more important priorities. A very substantial number of the younger adults, 41 percent, also said that they just liked being single.

All the other reasons for being uninterested in romantic partnering were far less important.

  • 20 percent: too busy
  • 18 percent: haven’t had luck in the past
  • 17 percent: feel like no one would be interested
  • 17 percent: not ready after losing a spouse or ending a relationship
  • 17 percent: feel like I am too old
  • 11 percent: have health problems that make it difficult

The men and women were very similar in 7 of the 8 reasons for their lack of interest in romantic partnering. The one difference was in their fear that no one would be interested in them; more men than women worried about that, 26 percent vs. 12 percent.

Shrugging Off the Pressure to Partner

Mental blanketing is my term for the relentless and pervasive glorifying of marriage and shaming of single people. I described it in detail in Singled Out. The results of the Pew survey show that many single people are no longer feeling that pressure from society, especially as they get older. Even those who are feeling it are not letting it get to them. They are no more likely to be looking for a romantic relationship than people who are not feeling the pressure.

Facebook image: Model Republique/Shutterstock

Love without loss: How to avoid mistakes at the beginning of a relationship |

The beginning of a love relationship is the most difficult, although very pleasant period. Why complex? Because it is at the beginning of the novel that the relationship between a man and a woman is so fragile that a spark from which a flame has not yet flared up can easily go out because of any trifle. Psychologist Maxim Razdobreev told about how not to spoil the relationship from the very beginning.

The psychology of relations between a man and a woman, like any process that takes place on Earth, has certain stages. There are many of them, but today we will talk about only one - the initial one. nine0005

It is easy to guess that any relationship begins with attraction. A man, captivated by female charms, begins to show signs of attention to a woman. He feels her disposition towards him, as she reacts to these signs.

At first timidly, and then more and more confidently, he continues courting the most special woman in the world for him. Admiring her external beauty, the man gradually tries to get to know the woman closer. At this stage, the so-called candy-bouquet period begins. nine0005

A woman is arranged in such a way that she is attracted to a man based not only on his appearance and physical form. He attracts her with his intelligence, responsibility and self-confidence. Meeting such a man, a woman gladly accepts his signs of attention. For her part, she does everything possible to maintain a man's interest in her person.

It is at this stage in the process of getting to know each other that both parties tend to make mistakes that can lead to a break. nine0005

In general, according to Maxim Razdobreev, relationships should not start with insincerity and manipulation. This applies to both partners.

But more specifically, all the mistakes made can be divided into male and female.

When a woman really likes a man, she always gets excited. That's just excessive emotions and fears of doing something wrong, just lead them to a lot of mistakes that contribute to the gap.

Error 1 : "artificial". We have already referred to this factor as “insincerity” earlier, and this is exactly what we are talking about here. If a woman, wanting to make the best impression, begins to behave differently from her real self, then either the man will notice this and be disappointed in her, or the relationship will turn into a theater. But everyone knows that performances in the theater tend to end after the second or third act. nine0005

Error 2 : "I decided everything for the two of us." Typical situation. Only having met a man, a woman has already planned a serious relationship, a wedding, children and a happy old age. But the man doesn't even know about it. Suddenly, he just likes a woman, and he is not averse to having sex with her, but not going down the aisle.

Error 3 : when a woman provokes her partner with jealousy. This factor is called “jealousy as manipulation”. At this stage of the relationship, the man will adequately evaluate such behavior and the woman will be treated accordingly. nine0005

It is a well-known fact that insecure women often use this type of manipulation to raise their own price in the eyes of the man they like.

Error 4 : privacy violation. By itself, this factor can ruin any relationship, not just romantic ones. Each partner should have personal space. This error does not only apply to women.

It may seem strange, but the mistakes in women and men are similar, only they manifest themselves in different ways. nine0005

Having met a girl who managed to attract attention, men also try to like it, show their feelings, and often, without realizing it themselves, make mistakes that can quickly lead to the opposite effect and a break in relations.

Error 1 : self-doubt. Women prefer confident men. If he constantly doubts and adapts only to the desires of a woman, she quickly loses interest in him. A man who is confident in himself, who knows how to make decisions and take responsibility, has a much better chance of reciprocal feelings than one who, constantly doubting, seeks approval from a woman. nine0005

Error 2 : rude. Any manifestations of bad manners prevent people from understanding each other. If a man allows himself to be rude, it can be assumed that he does not respect his companion, does not strive to make a favorable impression on her. After all, the more serious intentions a man has, the more attentive and affectionate he becomes to his chosen one.

Error 3 : One of the biggest mistakes men make in relationships with women is insisting on physical intimacy. As a rule, this type of men is not inclined to think about the feelings of other people. It is important for them to assert themselves, to get the desired result. In most cases, with this approach, a serious relationship is not planned at all with a girl. It is only a means for its own self-realization. Although, in general, the topic of intimacy in a relationship is of no small importance. nine0005

Error 4 : fear of showing a woman his weakness. From childhood, men are brought up in severity, instilling in them strictly “male” qualities.

Growing up, a man is terribly afraid to show some simple human feelings and emotions. He does not allow to admit to some kind of weakness, believing that it is not masculine. However, all people have emotions. It will be much more pleasant for a woman to see a living person next to her who is not afraid to show her feelings, trusting her with her experiences. nine0005

Thus, at the beginning of a relationship, men and women often make mistakes. Wisdom lies in being able to recognize them in time, draw conclusions and change your behavior.

“The easiest and most effective way is to talk. Chat, ask each other questions. Discuss everything that worries and excites, ”advised the psychologist.

Honesty and directness in a relationship is the best way to rapport and it is better to apply it from the very beginning of the relationship.

It is very important not to shut yourself up in your fears and doubts. At the initial stage of the relationship, they arise almost exclusively due to a lack of information. Therefore, it is simply necessary to share with your partner what is on your mind. Clarify, clarify. Practice shows that in most cases any doubts can be dispelled by simply talking about this topic with a partner. Directly asking him what he thinks about it, what his intentions are for it, what his views are about it. nine0005

Otherwise, the person begins to wind himself up, may succumb to the corrals and destroy the relationship. But there is another danger. The fact is that anxiety looks like alienation, indifference, coldness, lack of love.

In addition to heart-to-heart conversations, there is another factor that favorably affects relationships - sex. It can be useful even at the beginning of a relationship, you heard right.

The fact is that when we touch someone, kiss or have sex, our body reacts by releasing hormones that are associated with intimacy. These hormones are believed to promote love and affection, increasing the likelihood that people will stay together. nine0005

What conclusion can be drawn from everything read? A good and strong relationship is the fruit of the joint work of a man and a woman, but their continued existence will depend on how everything goes right at the very beginning. Remember, the main thing in a relationship is true and mutual love. And mistakes are not a hindrance if you know how to solve them correctly.

Mikhail Labkovsky: In relationships, we want to repeat the feelings we experienced in childhood - Maria Surmina - Project events - Site materials - Snob

The role of relationships in human life

There is a popular idea that relationships are an integral part of our life, because by nature we are social beings. Back in school, we were taught that the need to have a relationship is genetic. And various kinds of dissenters who need to be alone or hermit are treated by psychiatrists as inadequate: this is common among religious fanatics or those who have very painful relationships with other people. They prefer to say, "The more I get to know people, the more I love animals." A healthy, mentally well person has a desire to have a relationship. nine0005

Beyond that, the ideas proposed by the healthy and the neurotics diverge. Because, firstly, in any relationship there is a certain meaning, and secondly, their role in life is greatly exaggerated by those who lacked parents in childhood (they were either physically absent or were cold people). Many women believe that relationships are the only thing that exists. Self-realization, career, money - everything is meaningless, they acquire significance only in the absence of relationships. Due to the fact that many did not receive parental care in childhood, they now have an exaggerated attitude towards relationships: they are dominated by an obsession - to have someone nearby. At the same time, in comparison with women, men's priorities are slightly shifted: at the expense of work, the desire to receive money and other life attitudes. If a person, in principle, did not have such problems with his parents (he is healthy), relationships play a secondary role in his life, and self-realization comes first. nine0005

What lies behind the desire to have a loved one

Entering into a relationship, subconsciously people want to get money, care, attention, a roof over their heads - and at the same time do nothing. In fact, all this has no value: only emotions, experiences and feelings have it. Desiring a relationship, neurotics want to return to childhood and experience the sensations experienced earlier again. Healthy people are looking exclusively for mutual love, so they have no problems entering into a relationship. nine0005

Many women wonder where to find a man. When a person has an openness to relationships, the ability to live together with someone, then relationships arise on their own. For example, Nadenka, the heroine of the film “The Irony of Fate, or Enjoy Your Bath”, has been without a man all her life and has been left without him: she does not need her fiancé Ippolit. She needs a man who can fly drunk to another city, because before him she had already met a married man. She is a sufferer in life, everyone lowers her: “What a muck this is your aspic fish!” She liked the holidays only because she spent them with a married man. And her new lover Zhenya is just like her. Firstly, he has a fiancee, and secondly, he himself does not really understand what he needs (his mother wants him to get married). Women like Nadia need a deaf-blind sea captain, because they never had relationships with men in their childhood or had bad ones with their mother. nine0005

The key to a happy life to the grave is not in compromises, but in a stable psyche. Only in this case can you love the same person all your life. If the psyche is unstable, you can stop loving in five minutes, or simply something will start to dislike in a person. And in the future it will lead to divorce.

On the problems of unhealthy relationships

Neurotics can have many reasons for not having a relationship, one of them is that they are simply not ready, although they themselves do not understand it. They are afraid to make connections: “I don’t meet strangers.” Express fear of sex: "I don't have sex without love, and I don't love you." May have painful experience: "I'm afraid of a new relationship." nine0005

If they still manage to enter into a relationship with the opposite sex, many soon part, because they find flaws in the partner. The search for a flaw is a protective function of the psyche of a person who is afraid of relationships. He may be irritated by a crooked toe on his left foot or a new smell. Men often like to brag about having one-time sex, considering it a feat. In fact, it is the same inability to have a relationship. Moreover, in sex they behave like children who are looking for their mother. Womanizers say: "I'm fine," arguing a new break with the "excessive bitchiness" of the lady and not looking for reasons in themselves. It is hard for them to admit that they are not ready for family life, and not just "did not find that person." The same happens with women. nine0005

Many of us, in principle, are not able to have a family, just as the heroes of Andrey Myagkov (Zhenya) and Barbara Brylskaya (Nadya) could not. Nadia's childhood experiences are suffering and self-pity. And the person who loves her and wants to make her happy cannot give her these feelings. She does not need love and care, but wants to constantly be in limbo. Such people cannot have relationships or families due to a difficult background, for example, unpleasant memories of the parental family. Men, in particular, are scared off by women who start to take care of them too much, because they are used to a cold mother and they never sit down at the dinner table as a family. nine0005

The famous "childfree" trend is people who are against having children. It seems to them that they have such a concept, but in reality a difficult childhood affects.

About the consequences of unhealthy relationships

Neurotic experiences flow into the presence of painful relationships. It begins to seem to a person that the partner wipes his feet on him: he does not call back, disappears, comes once a week just for sex, does not introduce him to friends or parents, does not feed. That is, he feels that he is being used. Such an attitude develops because he himself wants it: he likes to sob into the pillow when his partner leaves, sort things out, wait until the bell rings - these are those childhood experiences: how his parents abandoned him, gave him to a boarding school, took him to his grandmother . Such relationships are hopeless, they end in nothing. A man in such a situation will not propose to a woman, because he sees that there is no need to take on any obligations, since everything suits her anyway. He understands: she will be a little naughty, weep, and then accept. nine0005

Such situations are ridiculed in humorous programs: a man leafs through his notebook in search of a one-night stand who will definitely not refuse him, calls her - she agrees. Why cry after that? So there was no need to agree. But, just as she waited six months as a child for her mother to visit her, so now she is ready to wait another ten years for him. At the same time, it seems to her that she is being treated poorly, but in fact this is her need for a relationship.

The same happens when a girl communicates with a married man. Or if she agrees to an “open” relationship, but really wants a family, she will most likely not get married. She agrees to these conditions because she is afraid to be alone: ​​no one knows how life will turn out with a new chosen one, but she seems to love this one. nine0005


What to do if a woman understands that a man is using her, but still cannot end the relationship with him?

A situation in which “he didn't call back” means the end of a relationship for a healthy girl, the beginning of love for an unhealthy girl. There is a conflict here: the narcotic need to be near this man. In this situation, you need to introduce a rule: if you don’t like something, you must say about it once; if the person's behavior does not change, make a serious decision. Whining with the phrases “well, you promised”, “well, we agreed” is useless: this is how you talked in childhood with your parents, who did not take you to the zoo for three years. Here the situation is simple: I feel uncomfortable - I'm talking about this, if the behavior does not change - you need to end the relationship. At first, you will be sausage because you, as an addict, need these emotions, the main one of which is self-pity. But if you practice this behavior, then quickly enough let go of the situation, and men will begin to treat you differently. Because when his mother said something to him, but he did not do it, she did not sob into the pillow, but walked and beat him on the head with her hand. nine0005

What to do if a person is already married and has a family, but something in his partner's behavior starts to annoy him? Do not get divorced if he champs or scatters socks. Is it worth giving up?

It seems to you that if a person starts kicking you, then this is a reason for divorce, but if he champs, then you can be patient. Any annoying little thing can become a trigger. In fact, you and your husband have a real internal conflict, but there is nothing to complain about, because he behaves correctly. The psyche is arranged in such a way that it immediately finds what to throw it into. You tell him, "Don't slurp," and he continues. You need to disperse. Otherwise, your children will live in an atmosphere of terrible hatred and not understand why parents are constantly in conflict. nine0005

There are situations when the husband wants to watch football and the wife wants to watch ballet. If it is not possible to buy two TVs and the situation repeats itself, you have married the wrong person. There are systemic problems that show that you are incompatible in an ideological sense. If the action is one-time, you can close your eyes to it; if it is repeated, you begin to live in conflict not with your husband, but with yourself.

There are two ways out of your situation. Animals have two reactions: they either fight or they run away. There are no throwing and deep feelings: they quickly assess the situation and make a decision. You can accept circumstances, but not come to terms with them: you will scatter socks and slurp together. At the same time, you should like what you are doing, otherwise you need to change your husband. Scary is another matter. nine0005

According to your rule, I told the young man exactly what I didn't like about him. He changed behavior, but only for a few weeks, after which he disappeared. After some time, he appeared, began to call often and make attempts to come. I understand that I do not want to continue the relationship. How to stop reacting to his actions, if feelings still remain?

In my article, I wrote that if I manage to change a person's libido, then most likely I will receive a Nobel Prize. I managed to do it myself. Some time ago I fell in love with a very nice girl, there were no complaints about her. But twice she did the same thing: we agreed to meet, we have to phone - she does not pick up the phone. A few hours later, she calls back and says that she is late. The next day the situation repeats itself. She broke off my childhood feelings and did it not on purpose: living alone for a long time, working hard, she got used to not being dependent on anyone. And I don't blame her - it's her life. But after what happened, I realized that I didn’t feel anything for her, which was a shame, since I liked her. We tried again, but the feelings did not return, the psyche slowed down. nine0005

You need to break yourself. You feel resentment that he does this, but for you he is a man, because he makes you suffer. I, apparently, also liked this feeling, but I got rid of it. For people who love those who love them, the rest is an empty place: they feel nothing for them. The psyche is always stronger than a rational act, and everything that we think does not make any sense. In order to change your attitude, it is necessary in such situations to start behaving differently: when something does not suit you in life, you need to break off the relationship without bending. nine0005

We are all shaped by the daily repetition of our parents' behavior - it has shaped our mental responses. Try to do the same with yourself: behave in a certain way, and thus force the psyche to form new neural connections and new mental reactions.

After the end of the relationship, there was an inner need for an apology from the partner: he deceived me, and then just left. How to stop feeling this need?

From his point of view, he did not offend you, and in some ways he is right. My girlfriend didn't do anything to me either. Many neurotics believe that everything is done to them on purpose, but this is not so. It’s just that the person is the way he is: no one is to blame for anyone, you just don’t suit each other. You still like him, but because of his deceit, you understand that he will continue to do this to you. And you think right. Only arrogant women believe that everything will be different with them - it won't.

Enter a rule for yourself: if you don't like something, don't do it to your detriment. I didn’t like that he deceived - do not pay attention to emotions, try to forget about him. For a while, by inertia, you will still feel resentment and think that everything could be different. You are attracted to him because you have the desire to suffer. When you act according to the rules, it will pass.

I am 38 years old, never married and have no children, but I want to give birth in a strong family. How to build healthy and honest relationships? nine0116

First you need to build them in your head: you need to understand what your life looks like. Everything that you experience in relation to yourself, you need to learn to experience in relation to men. For example, if you don't love yourself, you don't love a man either; think that love must be earned - he must prove that he is something; you are mentally unstable - you will select such a partner.

Today, marriage is built on a love-dislike relationship. Initially, marriage had nothing to do with feelings: it was done for the sake of increasing the community, procreation, trying to improve one's life, so the selection criteria were health, wealth, good heredity, and generosity. If you want an honest relationship and a strong family, you must have an honest relationship with your brain and a strong family with yourself. nine0005

What is the right way to treat my wife's previous partners?

The problem is not with her sexual partners, but with your insecurity. In the Caucasus and in many other countries, there is an obsession with marrying a virgin so that a man does not have complexes: she has no one to compare with. It's a self-esteem issue. If you feel complete as a man, you don't care who was before, because now you have been chosen.

How to choose a partner if a person feels that he is neurotic? nine0116

All my life I have loved those who did not show mutual sympathy in return. This is due to the fact that my mother was always unavailable to me and I tried to win her attention. I got over it: I am no longer attracted to people who are not interested in me. The person you love should evoke some association with childhood. Stick to your feelings.

The World Health Organization considers being in love a complete absence of reality - it is a temporary mental disorder. Even if you experience joy, you still perceive the person inadequately: you perceive not him, but your attitude towards him. If you start to act according to the rule “if you don’t like it, goodbye”, you will quickly run out of it. nine0005

How important is equal social status in society for relationships?

Here are some examples. Jean-Jacques Rousseau, as an experiment, married an illiterate peasant woman, she ended up taking part in his murder - such a version existed after his death, most likely this is not true, but characterizes their relationship. Another: Natalia Vodianova was asked if she could marry a locksmith, to which she replied: “Of course! Where would we meet?" I believe that, like Lenin and Krupskaya, common interests play an important role. At the stage of falling in love, there is no difference: a person does not think about what his partner is like and who he works for. Then there is a transition from sympathy to perspective, from childhood to adulthood. nine0005

If both partners are neurotic, is it possible to somehow get along and find a common language?

Millions of people around the world are in neurotic relationships. Many from their very birth lived so badly and hard that they consider them absolutely natural. They do not feel neurotic, on the contrary, they think that all people with shortcomings, quarrel and conflict. Zhora Kryzhovnikov, the author of the films "Bitter", "Bitter-2" and "The Best Day", wrote comedies about psychos, but they live like that. All the characters are sick in the head, but at the same time they have feelings and they are in a relationship. Unfortunately, most people are used to suffering, it seems to them that this is normal. nine0005

Our literature, theatre, cinema and music - the whole culture contributes to this. Prominent representatives are Tolstoy and Dostoevsky. The first one constantly brought his wife up, and did not communicate with the children until their twentieth birthday.

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