Overcoming performance anxiety sex
Sexual Performance Anxiety: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatments
Written by Stephanie Watson
In this Article
- Causes of Sexual Performance Anxiety
- Overcoming Sexual Performance Anxiety
Sex is supposed to be enjoyable, but it's tough to have fun if you're constantly worrying about how well you're doing. If you want to put the sparkle back in your love life, learn why sexual performance anxiety might be happening to you and get some tips to put yourself at ease.
Causes of Sexual Performance Anxiety
Sex is more than just a physical response. Your emotions have something to do with it, too. When your mind is too stressed out to focus on sex, your body can't get excited either.
Lots of different worries can lead to the problem:
- Fear that you won't perform well in bed and satisfy your partner sexually
- Poor body image, including concern over your weight
- Problems in your relationship
- Worry that your penis won't "measure up"
- Concern about ejaculating too early or taking too long to reach orgasm
- Anxiety about not being able to have an orgasm or enjoy the sexual experience
These things may lead your body to release stress hormones like epinephrine and norepinephrine.
Your state of mind can have a big impact on your ability to get aroused. Even if you're with someone who you find sexually appealing, worrying about whether you'll be able to please your partner can make it impossible for you to do just that.
One of the effects of the stress hormones is to narrow blood vessels. When less blood flows into your penis, it's more difficult to have an erection. Even guys who normally don't have any trouble getting excited might not be able to get an erection when they're overcome by sexual performance anxiety.
Sexual performance anxiety isn't diagnosed as often in women as it is in men, but it can affect arousal in women, too. Anxiety can prevent women from getting lubricated enough to have sex, and it can take away the physical desire to make love.
Anxiety can take you out of the right mind-set for sex. When you're focused on whether you'll perform well, you can't concentrate on what you're doing in bed. Even if you are able to get aroused, you may be too distracted to reach orgasm.
Sexual performance anxiety leads to a cycle of troubles. You might become so anxious about sex that you can't perform, which leads to even more sexual performance anxiety.
Overcoming Sexual Performance Anxiety
If you've got sexual performance anxiety, see a doctor -- someone you're comfortable enough with to discuss your sex life. The doctor will examine you and do some tests to make sure a health condition or medication isn't the cause of your problems.
During the exam your doctor will ask about your sexual history to find out how long you've had sexual performance anxiety and what kinds of thoughts are interfering with your sex life.
Medications and other therapies can help treat erectile dysfunction and other sexual problems that have physical causes. If a medical issue isn't to blame, your doctor might suggest you try one of these approaches:
Talk to a therapist. Make an appointment with a counselor or therapist who has experience in treating sexual problems. Therapy can help you understand and then reduce or get rid of the issues that are causing your sexual performance anxiety. If you worry about premature ejaculation, for example, you can try some techniques that help you gain more control.
Be open with your partner. Talking with your partner about your anxiety can help ease some of your worries. When you try to reach a solution together, you may draw closer as a couple and improve your sexual relationship.
Get intimate in other ways. Learn how to be intimate without sexual intercourse. Give your partner a sensual massage or take a warm bath together. Take turns pleasing each other with masturbation so you don't always have to feel pressured to perform sexually.
Exercise. Not only does working out make you feel better about your body, it also improves your stamina in bed.
Distract yourself. Put on some romantic music or a sexy movie while you make love. Think about something that turns you on. Taking your mind off your sexual performance can remove the worries that stop you from getting excited.
Finally, take it easy on yourself. Don't beat yourself up about your appearance or ability in bed. Get help for sexual performance anxiety so you can get back to having a healthy and enjoyable sex life.
Sexual Conditions Guide
- Basic Facts
- Types & Causes
- Finding Help
Causes and how to cope
Sexual performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction are common sexual problems. Concerns about a partner’s expectations and personal worries are among the contributing factors.
Stress about sex can lead to performance anxiety. This, in turn, can lead to erectile dysfunction (ED), which is when a person has difficulty getting or keeping an erection.
Some simple coping methods may help people deal with ED when it stems from performance anxiety.
Performance anxiety and ED may be linked in several ways. Stress and anxiety about performing sexually or pleasing a partner can cause sexual dysfunction in anyone, regardless of their sex.
When a person feels unable to meet a partner’s sexual expectations, they may start feeling unworthy or incapable.
These feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem may lead to physical symptoms, such as ED.
Researchers list psychological factors as one of several causes of ED. In other words, a person’s state of mind can affect their ability to perform sexually.
Performance anxiety typically results from a person’s negative thoughts about their ability to perform well during sexual activity. A person may be worrying about sexual inadequacy or the inability to please a partner.
Factors that can influence these feelings include:
- body image
- penis size
- perceptions of virility
- ideas about gender roles
- relationship issues
- the use of internet porn
Dealing with financial concerns, family issues, or stress at work may also affect a person’s mental state and contribute to performance anxiety.
For more research-backed information and resources for men’s health, please visit our dedicated hub.
ED can happen when various contributing factors interact, including:
- hormonal balance
- neurological factors
- blood circulation
- mental health and psychological factors
Other things that may contribute to ED include:
- loss of attraction
- low testosterone levels
- alcohol or drug abuse
- chronic illnesses
- kidney disorders
- nerve damage from diabetes
- pelvic irradiation
- recent surgery
Some medications may also cause ED, especially those that disrupt or alter the hormones, nerves, or blood pressure.
- anti-inflammatory medicines
- high blood pressure medications
- drugs for an irregular heartbeat
- muscle relaxers
- hormone therapy
- drugs that affect the prostate
A doctor or pharmacist can help identify potential side effects before a person starts a new medication.
ED is not just a physical problem. It can affect a person’s mental health, relationships, and social life.
Experts have found links between ED and:
- low self-confidence
- low self-esteem
- relationship difficulties
- sleep issues
These can trigger performance anxiety, and they can also result from it.
If a person has an erection on waking in the morning but not during sexual activity, there may be an emotional or psychological cause.
Psychological treatment and counseling, such as cognitive behavioral therapy, may help overcome concerns about sexual performance and ED.
Performance anxiety affects everyone differently, as not everyone responds to stress and anxiety in the same way.
In addition to ED, performance anxiety could lead to:
- premature ejaculation
- an inability to orgasm
- a lack of interest in sex
Research also suggests that heterosexual people who experience performance anxiety may be more likely to seek sexual experiences outside of a steady relationship.
The physical symptoms of ED include difficulty getting or keeping an erection. It may also lead to a loss of sexual desire.
Various tips can help people cope with performance anxiety and ED and enable them to have positive sexual experiences.
Avoid the cycle
Most people have a disappointing sexual experience from time to time. Occasional ED is not usually a cause for concern.
However, if disappointment leads to fear and anxiety, and these feelings persist, they can hinder future sexual activity.
It is essential to recognize that an inability to perform from time to time does not mean that a person is unable to have sex.
It may mean that they were under stress or facing anxiety at that time. At another time, when the stress is not present, they will be able to enjoy sex as before.
Shifting the focus to the cause, rather than the symptoms, may help a person reduce the pressure that they place on themselves to perform well every time, especially during times of increased stress.
Focus on the senses
A person with performance anxiety may mentally relive their perceived sexual failures and continually worry about what their sexual partner is thinking or how another partner may perceive them.
It may help to focus the mind fully on the senses during sexual activity, rather than overthinking or analyzing the event.
Focusing on what the hands are feeling or what the eyes are seeing can help block out anxious thoughts about performance.
Scented candles or music might also add to the sensory experience and help reduce anxiety.
Research has noted a link between getting little or no physical exercise and experiencing ED symptoms. Completing a simple 20-to-30-minute exercise routine a few times a week can boost overall well-being and reduce stress levels, which may be helpful.
Many other techniques can help treat performance anxiety and ED. These include:
- guided meditations, such as guided imagery therapy
- couples counseling
- sex therapy
- sexual education
- stress-relieving practices, such as mindfulness and yoga
It may also help for a person to be open with any sexual partners about their feelings of performance anxiety. Doing this can reduce stress, and the partner can help the person find solutions to relieve their anxiety.
If symptoms do not improve with lifestyle and relaxation techniques, or if they worsen over time, medical treatment may help.
A doctor may:
- ask about symptoms
- carry out a physical examination
- perform blood tests to help identify any physical causes
- ask questions about mental health and stress levels
A healthcare professional can help a person find a therapy or treatment that relieves their symptoms and encourages positive sexual experiences.
There are various ways to treat sexual performance anxiety and ED. A doctor will prescribe a treatment plan after identifying the cause of the problem.
Guidelines from the American Urological Association (AUA) recommend an integrated approach for ED and ejaculation disorders that will take into account the individual’s mental health, social situation, and physical well-being.
This approach may include:
- relationship counseling
- medication for ED
- treatment for specific diseases, such as benign prostatic hyperplasia
- lifestyle measures, such as a diet and exercise plan
The AUA recommend that partners, too, should discuss the treatment options and their risks and benefits with the doctor, as this may increase the chance of a positive outcome.
There are many possible causes of sexual performance anxiety, including relationship issues and poor body image. If it becomes persistent, this anxiety can lead to physical symptoms, such as ED.
People can try certain at-home techniques to manage ED. Being open with any sexual partners about performance anxiety may also help reduce the associated stress.
If these techniques are ineffective, a doctor can offer advice on treatment options, which may include a combination of psychotherapy and medication.
How to overcome the fear of sex (sexual failure expectation syndrome), overcome the fear of sex
: Reading time:
This article will be useful to anyone who has experienced fears in intimate relationships and wants to overcome them.
Sexual fears can lead to anorgasmia, premature ejaculation, inability to have relationships, loneliness, depression, and even suicidal attempts.
The most common fears are:
- fear of not conforming to cultural or social norms
- fear of rejection
- fear of violence
- fear of the unknown
- fear of having sex and not living up to the other's expectations
Fear of not conforming to cultural norms
I was approached by a client who professed Islam. She complained of depressed mood and anxiety. The client studied at the university, was successful, worked, and maintained good relations with her parents. nine0003
I worked with her feelings and beliefs in a cognitive-behavioral and art therapy approach, which in such situations quickly help to improve. There was no result.
I was already thinking of recommending medical help, when a client confessed that she fell in love with a young man of a different religion, had a strong sexual desire, but suppressed it in herself, was ashamed and afraid. She felt confused, because she did not want to give up her faith and was sure that the young man would not accept her religion. She didn't know what to do. nine0003
We carefully analyzed the internal conflict, talked for a long time about her personality, values, ideas about happiness. This helped her make a decision.
Fear of sex - fear of not conforming to social stereotypes
The Internet and popular culture offer countless stereotypes that have nothing to do with reality:
- "sex should last thirty minutes - no more and no less"
- "my body must meet parameters 90-60-90 to be attractive"
- "many sexual partners are a guarantee of one's own attractiveness"
In the recent film "I'm Losing Weight", a young man breaks off a relationship because of the girl's appearance, finds the "ideal of sexuality", but eventually loses love. And the heroine, through work on her body, comes to her real self, to the feelings that were hidden in the depths. She goes to meet her fears and eventually becomes herself, free from the opinions of others.nine0002 How to improve self-esteem
Fear of rejection
Fear of pain. I will open, but the other will not. I will love, and the other will devalue, take advantage, not notice, offend, reject, offend, will not feel, will not hear, deceive, will manipulate.
How to overcome the fear of sex? Love anyway, take the initiative, take risks - this is a strong position. The pain of rejection teaches you to value yourself.
Fear of violence
A client who experienced sexual abuse many years ago could not open up and trust the partner she fell in love with. She did not find the strength to talk about it, because inside there was pain and unshed tears. She unconsciously feared repetition. nine0003
How to overcome the fear of sex? In such a situation, soft, delicate conversation, psychotherapy, work with psychological trauma and its consequences are useful. A person must form the position “it’s impossible with me”, “I can protect myself” - allow yourself to get angry, express emotions, recognize your own value, realize your own psychological resources.
Fear of trying new things
In couples with more experience, sex becomes less frequent, sensations become dull. Take a closer look - do you know everything about your partner? It is important to experiment, fantasize and implement. Couples who live new experiences together (travel, meet new people, engage in creativity) are more satisfied with their life together. nine0003
Couple Quiz: 6 Essential Questions
Fear of not meeting the expectations of another (sexual failure expectation syndrome)
A young married couple came to the reception. They complained about misunderstandings, conflicts, dissatisfaction in sex.
It turned out that each of the partners is focused on the ideal image of the other, which lives in his head. He more often mentally communicates with a virtual copy of a partner than with himself, and answers questions for him as he imagines. The woman wanted more clitoral stimulation and did not like the taste of sperm during oral sex, but she was afraid to say so, so as not to offend the man. The man sought to provide "dynamics", not really feeling what he wanted. nine0003
Do not be afraid to be "inconvenient" for others, only in this way you will become yourself.
How to get rid of the fear of sex
- Discuss your fears openly with your partner.
- If you are hesitant to discuss with a partner, talk first with a close friend or psychologist.
- Love and accept your body. Masturbation is normal!
- Study your body. How will a partner guess what I like about sex if I don't know it myself? nine0011 Get to know another's feelings about sex and share your own. The partner will not be able to get into your head, and you - to him.
- Share sexual fantasies with each other.
- Adjust your beliefs, be flexible. Sex is normal, necessary, beautiful and useful.
- Accept your aggression, desire to possess others.
- Be yourself. Explore yourself, trust yourself. Respect the rules and norms of society and choose what makes you happy. nine0012
Read related topics
- Naomi Wolf “Vagina. A New History of Female Sexuality.
- Morgenthaler A. “Men and sex. Unexpected truth."
The author of the article: Zubov Denis Nikolaevich
On the causes and methods of getting rid of
Fear of sex is a common phobia that is easy to overcome if you know the origins of the problem and solutions. How to overcome fear and become happy in intimate life?nine0111
Fear of intimate relationships is familiar not only to young people and girls, even adults with extensive experience face psychological problems in sex.
Why does it happen that such a pleasant activity - sex, gives rise to fear and other negative emotions?
Causes of a phobia
The origins of the problem can lie both in a person's childhood and be far-fetched. Knowing the reason for this behavior, you can easily find a solution to the problem. nine0003
Psychological trauma of childhood
Perhaps the most complex cause of a phobia. Children, especially girls, may at one time have experienced some form of violence against their integrity.
Even if specialists worked with the child and the first consequences of the trauma were overcome, the fear of sex and any relationship can manifest itself at a more conscious age.
Boys can also suffer from psychological trauma. But here the reason may be the attitude of parents to the issues of sexual education. nine0110 For example , if a mother once "caught" a teenage son for masturbation and inspired him that this occupation is very dirty and shameful, then the boy may develop a fear of intimacy.
What to do?
If a girl or a young man is still weighed down by childhood traumas, it is worth going to a competent psychologist. We have a happy future in our hands, filled with the joy of intimacy, so you can’t run away from your sexual side of your personality.
Unfortunate past experience
Fear of sexual relations can be caused by negative experiences. A person, by his psychology, is more inclined to “get stuck” in negative memories. Therefore, every time before a possible intimate rapprochement, past memories pop up in memory, preventing you from enjoying the moment.
Young people who once failed to have sexual intercourse can worry about their "inferiority" for a long time. Fear of a new failure is stronger than the desire for sex with a partner. nine0003
What to do?
If you are haunted by a negative experience and you cannot overcome your fear of sex, try to work through these emotions:
- Concentrate on the possible positive moments in intimacy, remember more often the positive experience of getting closer to partners.
- Share your emotions with a partner. Close trusting relationships will help to cope with phobias.
- For men, erection-enhancing drugs can help men overcome fear and become more confident. But do not get carried away with potency stimulants, if there are no physical reasons for a weak erection, try to remove the psychological sources of the problem. nine0012
Complexes and self-doubt
Fear of entering into close relationships can be caused by complexes about appearance:
- More often women suffer from this phobia. They have complexes about being overweight, cellulite, wrinkles, stretch marks and other supposedly flaws in appearance.
- Men may avoid sex for fear of being ridiculed by their partner because of modest dignity.
What to do?
All complexes about appearance are most often far-fetched. Even if there really are flaws, this is not a reason to deny yourself the joys of sex. nine0003
The first thing to do is raise your self-esteem. Just communication with an attentive and sensitive partner, who does not care about the features of the appearance of a loved one, can help overcome all complexes. If a partner chose you, then you are sexually attractive to him.
Fear of getting pregnant and getting STDs
Fear of sex is often caused by objective reasons, for example, a girl is afraid of getting pregnant or contracting sexually transmitted diseases. Most often, this phobia manifests itself in a new partner with whom a trusting relationship has not yet been established. nine0003
A man may also be afraid of suddenly becoming a father or contracting a sexually transmitted disease.
What to do?
Possible pregnancy and disease is not a reason to completely abstain from sex. Today there are remedies that prevent unwanted pregnancy and protect against viruses and diseases of the genital area.
Of course, all of them do not provide 100% protection. But you can overcome the fear of sex if you do not enter into a close relationship with a person with whom a trusting relationship has not yet been established. nine0003
Do not drown out the fear of getting pregnant and contracting diseases with alcohol, as this will only exacerbate the problem. If in doubt about a partner, do not have sexual relations with him. Wait for the moment when you can fully trust him, and the fear will pass.
Fear of sex
Phobias in sexual life manifest themselves differently in men and women and have their own characteristics.
Men suffer from phobias in sex less often than the fair sex. Their fears are most often associated with a fear of failure, complexes about their ability to please a woman. nine0003
The image of an alpha male, brutal and self-confident, which all women like, has developed in society. Actually, it is not. Women like different men, moreover, for smart and mature women, the appearance of a man is in third place after intelligence and masculine character traits.
Men's fears about the size of manhood are also unfounded. Most men have an average penis size that is completely satisfying for women. nine0003
Men who actively act in films "for adults" most often have physical data that exceeds the average man.
A man who is familiar with the fear of sex should first of all establish a trusting relationship with his partner, then there will be no problems with erection, and the atmosphere of intimacy will contribute to mutual enjoyment.
Women who are worried about impending intimacy with a man should think about the origins of the problem. Adequate self-esteem, self-confidence and trust in a partner contribute to the removal of far-fetched complexes and fears. nine0215
There are women whose phobia manifests itself in the fear of disappointing their partner. The fear of looking like a “log” in bed stops some women from enjoying sex. Here it is worth noting that phobias and stiffness only exacerbate the problem.
Trust a man with your emotions, and he will be happy to help you open up and give free rein to your feelings. Not all men love overly sexy women, there are those who are "turned on" by modest women who blush at every occasion. nine0003
Fear of losing your virginity is a fairly common phobia. Not only girls suffer from it, but also young guys.
What girls are afraid of:
- In the beautiful half of humanity, the fear of the first sex is caused by objective reasons - physical pain, fear of becoming pregnant, fear of being abandoned by a man.
- Girls can be brought up too strictly, and torment about judging parents is added to the fear of physical pain. Sex is viewed as a dirty and base process that carries more negative than positive emotions. nine0012
What guys are afraid of:
- A young man is most often afraid before the first sexual intercourse with a woman “to lose face”.
- The fear that the erection will suddenly weaken, or ejaculation will occur too quickly, makes many men avoid women.
- They are afraid not to satisfy their partner, to disappoint her.
Trusting and deep relationships with a loved one will help get rid of the fear of sex. Especially do not rush to lose virginity to girls. Better to do it late than too early. nine0003
Guys who avoid intimacy with real partners need to increase their self-esteem and get rid of psychological problems.
How to overcome panic and excitement
And yet, how to cope with the fear that binds the mind and body? If sexual phobias are obsessive and interfere with a peaceful life, you can first try to cope with them on your own.
The following methods will help overcome fear:
- deep introspection and reflection of the causes of fear; nine0012
- focus on the positive aspects of sexual life;
- establishing a trusting relationship with a partner, talking about problems, contraceptive issues;
- creating a relaxing environment before intimacy;
- increasing self-esteem on their own or through training;
- studying books on sexology.
If, nevertheless, the fear of sex remains, it is reasonable to turn to specialists, do not put off a happy intimate life for later. A sex therapist or psychologist will be able to diagnose the problem and select the best therapy option. nine0111
Sex is an important area of human life, the basis of a harmonious family union, so there is no need to hush up problems. A fulfilling sex life is possible if partners trust each other and do not hesitate to talk about their phobias.
Every person has fear. Everyone has something for the first time: first class, first boyfriend, first kiss. These are very special moments that are remembered for a lifetime, when these periods come, we always worry, worry and experience anxiety. A particularly exciting period in a girl's life is the first sex. There are a lot of controversial issues at once: Fear of painful sensations. How to behave? How to dress? How not to spoil everything? What mistakes to avoid? Or what not to do during the first intimacy? Every person has their own fears. Let's figure out what is worth fearing and what is not. nine0003
Sex is closeness, both moral and physical, there is nowhere to be closer. Therefore, you need to figure it out on a psychological level - is this really the person for whom you have been saving yourself all this time. This should not be rushed, nothing can be returned back. It will be impossible to experience these emotions twice, the first sex is remembered for a lifetime. If you have made the final decision, you just need to “let go” of your fear. If this is really the same person, then you should not be afraid of any missteps, this person will be able to support and cheer you up. nine0003
The first sexual intimacy means trust, tender and affectionate relationship between a girl and a guy. If a girl doubts trusting relationships, tact and restraint of a partner, it is better to postpone the most important event, because the only impression that you can get from intimacy with an inattentive partner is painful and unpleasant sensations and a bunch of unnecessary complexes.
And you should also understand the future consequences, minimize the risk of getting pregnant or getting any disease - this also affects anxiety and anxiety in girls. nine0003
Causes of concern can be:
Prudential parenting methods, when sex is described by parents as something dirty and shameful; the suggestion that the sexual partner should be the first and only man.
Rejection and dislike towards one's own body.
Often the fear of sex is associated with childhood traumas, for example, the departure of the father from the family. In this case, already in adulthood, a woman cannot build the right model of relations with men or is simply afraid of betrayal. nine0003
You can put yourself in the place of your young man, perhaps he also experiences fear and anxiety. It is likely that he also needs support. Guys, just like you, have their fears. You should talk with your young man, discuss all situations. Saying all the actions for the first time, this can save you from panic and thoughts in your head: “I don’t know what to do next and how I should be. ” A glass of light wine will help to relax a little, but no more. A large intake of alcohol can be detrimental to health, which affects sex life, in the future it can affect the enjoyment of having sex without drinking alcohol. Gradually, this can develop into alcoholism. nine0003
You should not resort to the advice of your boastful girlfriends who have already had their first sex, who consider themselves experienced in this matter. Each couple has their own first time. You need to be confident in the person you choose and follow your intuition.
How to prepare for the first sex? In case your young man knows what you are going through before the first intimacy, then he should provide a beautiful and unforgettable environment where an unforgettable evening will take place. The best time for such an event is the dark time of the day, because at this time you stop being afraid to expose your body to your partner. nine0003
It is necessary to create an atmosphere so that there is an opportunity to relax, to feel calm, excited. Try to overcome shyness and tightness. A young man should be responsible for all this state and the creation of a romantic evening. If the girls come across an experienced partner and everything goes smoothly enough. If your partner, like you, will experience the first intimacy, then he should be warned about caution and restraint. Because in an excited state, the partner can lose his head and completely forget about the feelings of his partner. nine0003
Allow intimacy only when both partners are mentally ready for it and are confident in each other.
Tune in to a calm and exciting atmosphere, but in no case abuse alcoholic beverages.
Take care of contraception in advance to avoid unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
Prepare your body for the crucial moment. Visit a beauty salon, get the appropriate beauty treatments or take a relaxing bath, after which your skin will be softer and more fragrant, and your body will be relaxed. nine0003
Find out what exactly you are afraid of. What influences your fear? Find answers to all your questions. If you don't figure it out "on the shore", you'll be tense and won't get a chance to relax and have fun.
Familiarize yourself with anatomy and physiology. The issues of the structure and functioning of the human body have been studied for more than one century. If you are not familiar with the anatomy of a man or woman, or want to clarify some points, then an incredible amount of information is available to you. nine0003
Write out a plan for overcoming your fears. When you determine the main fears of the first intimacy, you will find ways to resolve them.
To overcome your fear, you just need to let it go. Close your eyes and act. Sex is not only intimate, but also care, attention and kindness. Do not forget to show all these feelings to your chosen one. Show your emotional openness.
Making love should bring joy. Relax and don't be afraid to let yourself be improvised and excited. Tune in to having fun and then forget about fear. nine0003
The main fear of the first sex is safety. Fear of losing your virginity, fear of getting pregnant, or fear of what your parents will find out. All these fears go away if they are thought out in advance and prepared for them. Take the necessary measures and your fears will go away.
The onset of sexual activity is considered a turning point. If you think that you do not correspond to the ideas of your partner, if he compares you with others, you should not allow yourself to be pressured or try to please your man. Leave such a "gourmet", let him continue to live in his dreams and ideas. You will still meet "your" person, who will like you the way you are, with all the shortcomings. nine0003
Sexual assault, relationship or domestic violence and harassment are very serious things. Any girl or woman should have a clear understanding of their intentions in case of possible intimacy. You can stop everything at any time by saying "No!" or "Stop."
Erotophobia manifests itself in different ways - from an obsessive fear of intimacy to disgust for it and the inability to have sexual intercourse. In women, this disease occurs in the form of vaginismus, and the most common male diagnosis in this case is psychogenic impotence. nine0003
Oddly enough, erotophobia is more common among the stronger sex, which is associated with established stereotypes of sexual behavior. A woman can be successful with men by remaining passive in bed, and a man must always be on top, having an excellent erection and the ability to brilliantly complete sexual intercourse.
Psychotherapeutic treatment is indicated for such diseases, but in some cases a sexologist may advise you to buy cialis , nine0162 which not only removes the fear of sex, but also guarantees persistent sexual activity for a day and a half. Such drugs are effective if the cause of erotophobia is a weak erection and the fear of not satisfying a partner. Usually, after some time, the patient does not need drug support for the normal course of intimate life, since the most important thing is overcome - self-doubt. A remark about sexual incompetence carelessly thrown by a partner can forever deprive a man of self-confidence, and fear of failure, as you know, reduces potency. A vicious circle arises from which it is very difficult to get out, and sometimes partners resign themselves to the inevitability, refusing intimacy, which, as a rule, leads to a break in relations. nine0003
Female vaginismus is manifested in the contractions of the muscles of the vagina and uterus, which do not "let" the penis into the "holy of holies". As a rule, such phenomena occur in girls with an unsuccessful experience of defloration, causing panic horror before sexual intercourse. In this case, male patience, love, tenderness and affection come to the rescue, although in extreme cases, if vaginismus is the result of rape, the help of a psychotherapist is required.
In order not to turn sex into an exam, one should not take it too seriously - this is the opinion of practicing sexologists who have managed to help many couples to relax in bed and thereby save relationships. Trusting relationships and openness between partners will help to overcome erotophobia, when they are not afraid to tell each other about problems and together look for a way out of difficult situations. nine0003
Focusing on pleasure without thinking about the result is another way to overcome the fear of sexual intimacy. You need to enjoy kisses, touches and hugs, trying to prolong every moment and not rush to the finale. It was this method that helped the famous artist Bill Marigold, a virtuoso of erotic films, to act in 500 sex scenes, demonstrating to moviegoers a constant “combat readiness”. The secret of the actor was that he loved to kiss and did it with pleasure, and the result was not long in coming. nine0003
Erotophobia in girls is not so much a psychological illness as a condition in building intergender relationships .
Fear of sex haunts many girls regardless of age and social status.
It is possible to overcome this phobia only by knowing the cause of the fear.
Very often the cause of fear of sex is a psychological trauma received at an early age .
This may be abuse committed against a child or seen a sex scene that caused shock , as well as a suggestion from parents or other adults that sex is an obscene, shameful activity that can only be done after a stamp in the passport.
Experience is the son of difficult mistakes...
Fear of sex may develop from memories of past bad experiences and often chase girls, preventing them from starting a new one.
Important! Often the first sex is not entirely pleasant - painful, awkward, uncomfortable - and the memory of this makes you dwell on the negative and does not allow you to enjoy the process. nine0003
Panic about repeating past mistakes cannot force girls to have sexual intercourse.
Rudeness and unpleasant words spoken by a man during a quarrel or in a fit of anger about failure in bed , can also cause a psychological block before sexual intercourse.
Complexes and self-doubt
Girls often have complexes about their appearance - imperfect figures, cellulite, wrinkles, stretch marks and other imperfections nine0162 . Sometimes a girl is so fixated on the fact that her partner will notice all the "imperfections" of her figure that she cannot proceed directly to sex. Girls are also afraid to disappoint a man, become a terrible mistress and a “log” in bed.
Fear of pregnancy
Despite the many methods of contraception, they still sometimes fail. Therefore, many girls are afraid to get pregnant after one intercourse. This fear is mainly born from the fact that you do not trust your partner or know him very little. nine0003
This terrible humiliation cannot do without consequences. As soon as a young man touches a girl, all the details of rape appear before the eyes of the unfortunate woman, and sex, of course, becomes impossible.
Fear of first sexual experience
Fear before your first sexual intercourse - it's a completely natural feeling . In medicine, there is a special term "primeisodophobia", denoting fear of losing virginity nine0162 .
Causes of primisodophobia :
- first of all, fear of the unknown , before possible failure;
- lack of experience does not add self-confidence;
- physical uncomfortable sensations : pain, blood, etc. ;
- fear that a man, having got everything he wanted, will now stop all relations with a girl;
- condemnation and warning of parents nine0162, interpreting sex as base, shameful and forbidden;
- mistrust to a partner.
Attention! The causes of a phobia can be purely individual. For example, every girl imagines her first time as a particularly romantic evening, and if reality does not match reality, she may get scared.
Or the girl really does not want to part with her innocence, but simply follows the advice of her friends and the persuasion of her boyfriend. In the latter case, fear is conditioned girl's unpreparedness for her first intimacy with a man .
How can a girl overcome her fear of sex?
In order to overcome the fear of sex, it is necessary to identify the cause of this fear. Understanding the cause of your fear , you can start getting rid of it. There is no perfect "recipe" - everyone has their own method of dealing with this fear.
Seeing a specialist
A psychoanalyst or sexologist will help you understand your fears and get rid of them. Childhood traumas or phobias associated with violence are difficult to overcome without the supervision of a psychologist, therefore do not be shy to seek help from a specialist .
Collection of information
Someone else's experience is no less useful than one's own. Therefore, it will be useful to study books and other materials on, communication on forums, real stories and the excitement of your friends.
All this will help once again analyze the sources of the problem and eradicate it.
whim training and self-hypnosis hours . Try to love yourself, constantly repeat to yourself, as in the famous movie, the phrase “I am the most charming and attractive!”.
Accepting your fears
Fear instinctively arises before the unknown and incomprehensible. Having understood the prerequisites that cause fear of intimacy, you can accept and realize all your problem points and no longer be afraid of them.
Trust between partners is a very important aspect in the fight against phobia. nine0161 Establish trust : share your concerns with him, ask for advice, agree to take your time.
Do not be afraid to talk to a man - the more questions you clarify immediately before the act, the less fears will remain.
Setting the scene
To completely relax and stop thinking about fear, you should create the most comfortable atmosphere . To do this, you will need candles, music, subdued light, a room where no one will bother you. nine0003
The video tells in great detail about overcoming the fear of the first sex:
Sex is an important part of life, and there is no need to be afraid of it, because it gives a rare pleasure from intimacy with another person.
Whatever the reasons for the fear of this action, the best way to get rid of it is to fall in love, because love is stronger than all the fears and mistakes of the past.
Every person in his life at least once experienced a feeling of fear or anxiety. Psychologists say that this is normal, but only if fear and anxiety do not arise daily and for minor reasons (going to work, uncooked lunch, fear of transport, etc.). The feeling of anxiety disrupts the normal rhythm of a person's life, and negative emotions do not allow you to enjoy life. nine0003
Why are we afraid?
Anxiety and fear are natural human emotions. In a difficult life situation, anxiety and fear help to use one's physical and mental resources to the maximum, and in case of danger they can save a life.
However, some people experience negative emotions without good reason. According to psychologists, the cause of fear lies deep in the subconscious of a person. For example, people who have experienced severe shocks or difficulties begin to fear that such a situation may happen again in the future. nine0003
Some people are endowed with a weak nervous system. In any unforeseen situation, they begin to worry and worry. Pessimists are also characterized by constant anxiety and worries. They assert themselves in the correctness of their thinking. Thus, the frequency of occurrence of negative experiences increases.
Psychologists say that every person is able to overcome negative emotions, fears and worries. The main thing is to set a goal and go towards it, putting into practice the advice of specialists. nine0003
You can overcome fear and self-doubt with the help of:
- Positive thinking.
Psychologists advise you to write down all your experiences on paper. Take a blank sheet of paper and a pen. Write down thoughts and describe everything that you are afraid of. This method makes it possible to understand the causes of feelings of fear and anxiety.
Effective methods of psychologists to deal with fears:
- Examine the cause of the experience. Do you want to get rid of feelings of anxiety and fear? Find the reason for their appearance. Think of a situation in which these negative emotions begin to overwhelm you. Perhaps you are afraid of speaking in front of an audience, heights, large crowds, or talking to strangers;
- Do not hide from anxiety and fear . Don't be afraid to admit to yourself that they really exist. Awareness will help you deal with negative emotions and thoughts faster; nine0012
- Relax . Anxiety takes a lot of strength and energy. If you are afraid or worried about something, it is important to be able to relax. To do this, you can do:
- Breathing exercises;
- Evening or morning run;
- Practice yoga;
- Listen to your favorite music.
- Talk to someone close to you about your fears and emotions. If you have a person you trust, talk to him. For example, with a close relative or friend. Tell him what's bothering you and listen to other people's opinions. Often, after a frank conversation, a person begins to relate to his fears calmly and feel confident. nine0012
Another effective way to overcome yourself is to be busy. If a person is not busy with anything, negative experiences come on his heels. He cannot relax. When negative emotions overwhelm you, try:
- Prepare a delicious dish;
- Clean the apartment;
- Pay attention to your soulmate;
- Go shopping;
- Play with the child.
Time must be set aside for fears and anxieties. Surely you will not be able to constantly control your own fears. Therefore, give them time: 20-30 minutes a day is enough. During this time, give your fears all the imagination. Draw the scariest pictures possible. Just experience your own emotions. When the allotted time is over, return to your own activities. If during the day anxiety begins to overcome, just write down these thoughts on paper, and in the allotted time, start worrying. nine0003
How to overcome fear through meditation
To be afraid of something is natural. But negative emotions can and should be dealt with. To overcome panic fear, two types of meditation are used:
Method of meditation - affirmation
Arising beliefs in thoughts can be overcome with the help of affirmations. They allow you to replace standard anxious thinking with self-hypnosis. Due to this method, it is possible to completely replace the feeling of fear and anxiety with a feeling of confidence. nine0003
Remember that affirmations only work when repeated regularly.
Thus, the standard perception paradigms of the brain are replaced by others. For them to work effectively, you need to repeat them in the first person:
- I'm not scared;
- I'm not afraid of anything;
- You will not overcome me;
- My mind is stronger than fears and anxieties.
In order for affirmations to work effectively, fear must be fully felt in every part of the body, in every hair. When you get into this state, start repeating one of the above affirmations or come up with your own. The duration of one procedure - until you believe it. If fear comes again, re-immerse yourself in this state. nine0003
Method of meditation - work with the body and the subconscious
The method of meditation "work with the body and the subconscious" works effectively in the fight against fear and negative emotions when performed regularly. Over time, you will achieve incredible results. Such meditation is used by professional UFC fighters. It allows you to see your fear, overcome yourself and enter the ring.
To perform the exercise:
- Sit down. Straighten your back. Close your eyes. Feel the warmth of your body; nine0012
- Feel the number of fingers and toes. You don't need to move them, just feel their presence;
- Stop your thoughts. Don't think about anything. Don't open your eyes;
- Imagine that you are near a cave. The space of the cave is your fear. Come into it;
- You notice an inscription on a distant wall. It describes the reason for your fear. You move closer to the wall to get a better view of it;
- Warmth appears inside your body. It spreads throughout the body to the palms and feet. Feel this warmth. Now it turns into fire. The body is on fire, saying that fear has taken over you; nine0012
- Anxiety and negative thoughts try to overcome you, but you resist. You turn your head to the side and notice another wall with an inscription. It lists the strengths of your character;
- Open your eyes. Now you know that your fear is the strongest weapon. Now you are free and open to new beginnings and acquaintances. You are not afraid of anything and can handle any fear.
At the moment of reading, fear is transformed into energy, and the body is filled with strength. Such strength makes you a warrior who is able to destroy everything in his path. nine0003
How to overcome fear with visualization
is one of the relaxation methods in which you can imagine pleasant scenes and dreams. Two effective visualization techniques for combating anxiety and fear:
- Imagine that you are overcoming fear. Transfer the experience gained to real life and achieve success.
- Imagine calming scenarios and pictures in anxious situations.
Visualization is a powerful weapon against anxiety and fear. The brain often compares imagination with real life. Do you want to overcome fear? Think of success and imagine it. But imagine real pictures, as if this is all happening in real life. nine0003
Example fight fear with visualization: you are afraid to speak in front of a large audience with a report. Do not try to think that your speech will cause delight and numerous applause. Surely you will get a good report, but it is unlikely that it will cause the strongest audience sympathy. Imagine that everything is going right for you. Imagine calmness, your composure in front of numerous people. You are calm, and your pulse is not quickened. You answer questions confidently and speak fluently. nine0003
This visualization of a frightening situation will help you overcome fears and negative emotions by transforming them in your imagination.
Positive thinking versus fear
Thoughts are part of reality. What is our thinking, in what colors we present it, such is the picture of our world. We are artists who can paint our lives. To overcome the fear of life, change your thoughts.
Searching for the good in every life situation will help you tune in to positive thinking. Whatever happens in your life, always ask the question: “What can be good about this?” Repeat until you can answer it. nine0003
Smile and laugh. Negative feelings and anxiety are perfectly treated with humor. Watch humorous programs, comedies, read jokes, find funny videos on the Internet.