Not taking things personally
Why You Take Things Personally & How to Stop
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- Why You Take Things Pe...
- Hannah Ross
- 09/12/2022
- 7 minute read
Are you someone who takes things personally? Learn how to stop taking things personally so you can boost your confidence in the workplace.
Taking things personally in the workplace can be detrimental to your career. Not only does taking things personally at work make you seem defensive, but it also may demonstrate your lack of confidence or inability to take pride in your work. While you may be tempted to take things personally, it’s important to pause, reflect on why you may be feeling the way you do, and identify the reasons that are leading you to have the perceived mindset that you’re to blame.
In this article, we’ll outline eight tips and tricks that you can leverage to stop taking things personally at work while outlining the common reasons you may be taking things personally.
- What it means to take something personally and why you shouldn’t
- 8 ways to stop taking things personally in the workplace
- Common reasons people take things personally
What it means to take something personally and why you shouldn’t
Taking things personally means you take everything to heart. Even if something isn’t about you, you have the perceived mindset that it is. When you live with a great deal of perceived personal importance in your mind, you end up taking things personally because you’re assuming that everything is about you. When someone takes things personally, this usually means that they feel as though they’re under attack. They may feel as though their character, abilities, competence, or personal achievements are in question and may start to get defensive as a result.
People usually take things personally if something hits a nerve. If you aren’t confident in your abilities at work, you’ll be more inclined to project your own doubts on other people.
You may expect people to dislike what you don’t like about yourself, which can lead to a whole host of negative consequences. Taking things personally can contribute to negative, self-limiting beliefs, and can also prevent you from pursuing your goals or reaching your full potential in the workplace.
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8 ways to stop taking things personally in the workplace
- Keep your emotions in check
- Remember that blame is often caused by anger
- Boost your confidence
- Avoid making assumptions
- Turn criticism into productive feedback
- Distract yourself by staying busy
- Stop worrying about what others think of you
- Understand that overreactions are often driven by something else
If you have a tendency to take things personally at work, you know that doing so can be detrimental to your career.
In the workplace, you’re constantly mingling with a myriad of personalities. You have deadlines to worry about, customers to please, and you may have a boss who’s always asking for more. It’s normal to get emotional from time to time, but it’s extremely important to learn how to keep your emotions in check. To keep your emotions in check, remember to step back and reflect before you react. If something has gone awry, remain cordial and take the time to step back and respond when you feel more in tune with your best self.
It can be extremely easy to take being blamed personally. Not only have you been personally attacked, but you have also more than likely been blamed for or accused of doing something that isn’t your fault. Fortunately for you, blame is almost always caused unjustly by anger. The reason people usually blame others is because doing so is a quick escape from guilt and allows them to take the onus off themselves.
It’s important to remember that blame is an easy and effortless tactic to use, which is why you shouldn’t take it too personally.
Confidence is key, and you’ll come to realize that this will ring true in multiple areas of your career. If you remain confident in your abilities and what you have to offer, you’ll have no reason to take things personally. Imposter syndrome is real, but it’s important to remember that you’ve gotten to where you are because you’ve worked hard, and you deserve to be there. Trust in your abilities and understand that you’re exactly where you need to be.
4Avoid making assumptionsNine times out of ten, you’ll have taken something personally strictly because you made a false assumption. The problem with making assumptions is that you believe them to be true. No matter the reality of the situation, you may swear a given assumption is real, which makes it extremely difficult to move forward with a clear head.
Constructive feedback is more powerful than criticism, but some people may occasionally forget to shape their criticism in a way that is respectful and constructive. If you’ve received criticism, you can do one of two things: You can take it personally and let it hinder your success, or you can view it as a gift and use it as an opportunity to improve.
6Distract yourself by staying busyIf you find yourself making assumptions, it may be because you have too much time on your hands. Failing to keep busy may lead to a wandering mind, which can ultimately lead to you taking things personally. If you keep busy, focus on your work, and remain confident, your mind will have less time to wonder.
7Stop worrying about what others think of youWorrying what others think of you will wreak havoc on your mental health. Not only will you be dealing with the demands of your job, but you’ll also be putting many unrealistic expectations on your shoulders.
If you remain confident in your performance and daily interactions, there’s no reason to worry about what others may think.
Everyone has an off day from time to time. If someone has overreacted and their reaction has rubbed you the wrong way, it’s important to remember that their reaction may be a reflection of their own character as opposed to your own. Overreactions are almost always driven by something else, so it’s important to avoid taking someone else’s overreaction personally.
Common reasons people take things personally
- They lack pride
- They are a social perfectionist
- They are unable to be assertive
- They are projecting their doubts and insecurities
Lacking pride or confidence in the workplace is one of the major reasons someone may be taking things personally. Employees who are confident and take a great deal of pride in the work they do will be more secure, and thus have no reason to take everything personally.
Pride not only makes us care about how others see us, but it also shapes how we see ourselves. Having a great sense of pride makes us want to feel good about ourselves and make sure others look up to us, admire us, and understand our worth. This mindset is key when learning how to avoid taking things personally.
Social perfectionists are people who are overly concerned with meeting standards that they believe others have of them when in reality, these expectations most likely don’t exist. For social perfectionists, taking on all of this pressure and leaning into these false expectations can cause a great deal of stress. Social perfectionists are more likely to take things personally as they hold themselves to a very high standard and constantly feel as though they are failing to meet their perceived unrealistic expectations.
3They are unable to be assertiveTeam members who are unable to be assertive often find themselves taking things personally, whereas their confident, more assertive counterparts do not.
Assertiveness is having the ability to ask for what you want and need and being able to say no to what doesn’t serve you. While being assertive is key, it’s also important to be assertive in a respectful manner, especially in the workplace. Those who are able to harness the power of assertiveness will begin to value themselves more highly. They’ll understand their worth and become more confident in their choices, and they’ll eventually be able to resist taking things personally.
Team members who are always taking things personally may be projecting their own doubts and insecurities onto other people. When something hits an internal cord for someone, it may be because they feel inferior or inadequate, and as a result, they expect those around them to doubt their abilities or dislike what they dislike about themselves. You may be rejecting yourself, which in turn leads you to believe that those around you are doing the same.
For example, if you feel inadequate because you’re the only person in the room without a management title, you’ll be hard on yourself and expect those around you to do the same. In reality, you’re in the room because you deserve to be there, and you have something exceptional to offer.
Learn how to stop taking things personally
Learning how to stop taking things personally will do wonders for your career and your mental health. If you focus on yourself, remain confident in your abilities, and stand firm in your beliefs, you’ll find yourself much happier and more content with your work life.
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Hannah is an experienced content creator and digital strategist with a demonstrated history of working with startups, small business owners, and large organizations. Presently, Hannah serves as the Founder at Flamingo Social where she strives to create impactful organic content marketing strategies that help founders tell inspiring stories.
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6 Ways to Not Take Things Personally
Every one of us has a tender underbelly of our psyche. Everyone has something they’re sensitive about, where even a gentle poke can feel more like a thwack. Comments don’t slide off like water from a duck’s back; rather, we feel more like a sitting duck.
But criticism is an inevitable part of life, and hearing reasonable negative feedback without overreacting is a life skill. If we can hear fair criticism of our actions without taking it personally, not only do we escape feeling hurt or shamed, we also keep criticism from escalating.
By contrast, if we think, “You hurt my feelings so I’ll hurt you back,” we create more conflict and pain all around.
So how can we take things less personally, both to benefit ourselves and others? How can we toughen up without becoming hard-hearted?
Let’s start with two tips about how to re-interpret the critic, whether it’s your boss, your mother-in-law, your nosy neighbor, or someone you love and trust. In fact, that’s the crux of the matter.
1. Consider the source.
Would you be as likely to drink water from a mountain spring as from a puddle under a dumpster? Of course not. But why? Aside from the fact that you are smart, it’s because the source matters.
The same thing goes for criticism. Does the critique come from someone you like and respect? Does this person know you well? Or is this someone known to shoot off their mouth, have all the subtlety of a sledgehammer, or has never had an authentic interaction with you?
In short, you’d take criticism very differently if it was presented with care from someone you trust versus shouted from a moving car.
Consider the source, which will help you decide whether to take their feedback to heart or with a big grain of salt.
2. Give critics another chance, but not unlimited chances.
People say mean things. People can be dumb. People have no filter. It’s only human to make a mistake and say something critical or insulting, but if it happens again and again, it’s not a mistake anymore, it’s a pattern.
To paraphrase, critique me once, that’s on you. Critique me twice, that’s on me. But if you’re repeatedly insulted without apology or acknowledgment, it’s time to speak up and/or limit contact. Three strikes and you’re not necessarily out, especially if you still have to work with or be related to them, but it’s definitely time to draw some boundaries.
Next up, four tips about how to work on ourselves to take the sting out of criticism. As they say, the only person you can change is you.
3. Heed the double-edged sword of “They shouldn’t say that!”
Individuals hypersensitive to criticism often have high moral standards.
They have a strict moral code and their values run deep. And that’s a good thing. But this is one of the few places where strong values can have a downside. “How dare they say that!” “That’s wrong!” “She can’t say that!” “That’s not how things should be.” All those things may be true, but whatever statement hurt you was still uttered.
The fact that the critic “shouldn’t” or “can’t” is moot. Pretend a dog just deposited a steaming bundle right next to your “please pick up after your pet” sign. It shouldn’t have happened, but you have to deal with it nonetheless.
Getting unfair or undue criticism is similar. Even if it “shouldn’t” be there, you still have to deal with it. Feeling annoyed and offended may be warranted, but it’s not helpful. Remember that even if you walk the line and follow the rules, you can’t control whether others break them. In short, focus your attention on the content of the criticism, not whether or not it should have happened.
4.
Question your own perfectionism.
There is a straight line between hypersensitivity and perfectionism. Individuals who take things personally often work really hard to be blameless, flawless, or excellent precisely so no one will criticize them. When they get negative feedback, it feels like it blows away all they’ve worked so hard for.
If this sounds familiar, you can reframe this in a few ways. One is to incorporate getting better at hearing criticism into your perfectionism. Get better at receiving feedback. Aim higher when it comes to dealing with commentary. Be an overachiever when it comes to facing the haters.
Another, more challenging way, is to change your perfectionism. Dare to accept your cracks and warts. Slowly realizing that you are enough just as you are takes time and work, but simply acknowledging your buttons can be a powerful first step. If you were bullied in the past, you may be hypersensitive to comments that remind you of being thrown against your middle school locker.
If you were pigeonholed by your parents as being the dumb one, the crazy one, or the problem child, you may have worked your butt off to prove that you’re anything but.
Any critique that brings forth old hurts cuts extra deep, but just being aware that something is a hot button issue for you is the first step to owning it, and eventually healing it.
5. “I should’ve said…!” Be honest with yourself when recreating scenes in your head.
We’ve all experienced getting bullied or criticized and then, hours later, coming up with a good zinger we wish we had said in the moment. We replay the scene in our head, spinning out what we wanted to have happened instead of what actually went down.
But replaying scenes in your head is a two-sided coin. In some cases, it can be extremely helpful. If you replay the scene and imagine getting what you needed in the moment—feeling empowered, soothed, or safe, it can be an extremely worthwhile daydream. In fact, when done with a qualified therapist, this is called imagery rescripting, and is a cutting-edge tool in treating trauma survivors.
However, in other cases replaying a scene can be problematic; specifically, imagining revenge fantasies. At that point, reimagining crosses the line from empowering to egotistical.
In fact, a study out of Louisiana State University found a link between how frequently people re-imagined interactions and covert narcissism, the version of narcissism associated with low self-esteem rather than I-am-the-greatest grandiosity. Covert narcissism is the unenviable mix of being vulnerable and self-absorbed at the same time.
The researchers found that frequently imagining scenes that were discrepant with reality—fantasizing about humiliating the ex you never see anymore, or imagining dressing down your boss and staging a power grab—was tied to covert narcissism. Turns out covert narcissists envision conflict more often than non-narcissists and, in addition, imagine themselves dominating the interaction and controlling the relationship.
So be aware when you replay those scenes in your head.
If you’re doing it to soothe and empower yourself, carry on. But if you’re doing it to dominate your imagined enemy, consider trying out a healthier coping strategy instead.
6. Toe the line between taking things personally and being personally invested.
To wrap things up, we’ll do something surprising: we’ll defend taking things personally. Now, “taking things personally” usually brings to mind images of silent fuming or screaming into our pillow, but there’s something to be said for taking things to heart.
The opposite of taking things personally is to depersonalize them. And when you depersonalize an action or a role, it quickly loses its value. Taking your job personally means being invested, while depersonalizing it means showing up only for a paycheck. Taking a passion personally means being engaged, while detaching guarantees lackluster results at best.
To take things even further, with your fellow humans, taking things personally means engaging with others at your best.
Not taking things personally, at worst, leads to dehumanization and moral disengagement—convincing yourself that ethical standards and other people don’t matter.
So, oddly, let things get to you. Take them personally, in the best possible way. Find a happy medium between being hypersensitive and caring deeply. All in all, take your work and relationships extremely personally. After all, this messy, imperfect, glorious life of yours belongs to you.
Facebook/LinkedIn images: fizkes/Shutterstock
How not to take everything too personally?
"Do not take any negative. Until you accept it, it belongs to the one who brought it."
Wise saying, uttered by the Buddha, most clearly and well reflects the importance of skill to abstract from the negative emotions that are brought to us, at times, by those around us People. There is a lot of negativity in the world and, unfortunately, we cannot help but notice it. we can hide. But we have the opportunity to build between ourselves and all that that brings irritation and anger, an invisible wall that will protect the fragile the structure of the soul and will allow not to be offended by such manifestations.
This article will try to answer the question: “How not to take everything too personally?”, and give helpful advice. Go?
KNOW WHO YOU REALLY ARE
Quite often, the words of the people around you can respond with inexplicable pain and resentment inside you. It may even seem to you that no one is able to understand you, but in fact, this is wrong. It's all about forgetting (or not knowing) who you are in reality. If you are confident in your powers and abilities, rude behavior or negative comments will not be worry you. A clear understanding of who you are, where you are going, what goals want to reach who you are with automatically makes you sure that you are in right direction and satisfied with yourself. It is confidence that makes the fact that you begin to feel the “ground under your feet” more tangibly and can stand up for oneself.
About how to become more confident in ourselves, we wrote earlier.
And to understand who you really are, various practices such as yoga and qigong.
REMEMBER THE GOOD THINGS YOU HAVE DONE
If people around you accuse you of something, or indicate your shortcomings, remember those kind and useful the deeds you have done. Remember how you made someone happy with your attention, or a sincere smile, remember how you gave someone your warmth, or treated someone to the last piece of chocolate. You must have been in your life at least one such case, and it is it that should become your internal protection against external "attack" of the offender. Remember that everyone has flaws, and, perhaps you really made a mistake in something, but this does not mean that with this nothing can be done - remain yourself and strive for development, do not taking hurtful words personally.
Doing a good deed is not so good and difficult! To do this, just visit the zoo and feed its inhabitants.
something delicious!
DON'T EXPECT OTHER PEOPLE'S APPROVAL
the process of personality formation, we often do something based on the opinion parents in this regard. But as we grow up, we carry this habit into adulthood. life, and we are waiting for the approval of our actions not only from the parents, but also the whole society. To one degree or another, everyone has experienced this: disapproval appearance, behavior, interests, and so on. So, in order to stop take everything too close to heart, you need to forget about the approval of side of people. As they say, kill it! What difference does it make whether they approve or disapprove your behavior is different? The main thing is what you yourself think about this, what you consider yourself "normal".
No best time for change, except for the present moment. Try to radically change appearance, with the help of a professional stylist and spit on what is about you others say!
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE
condemn and criticize any of your behavior, then think: “Why am I surrounding themselves such people? It is very important that the people who are close to you, always gave you positive emotions, were positive, joyful, helped you to develop, inspired you.
If your environment only oppresses and frustrates you, try to find new acquaintances whose words will not unjustifiably offend and offend you.
Find new friends can be by attending a master class of your choice, where you will meet allies by interest.
DRIVE HONEST, OPEN DIALOGUE
Other people may not even know that they offend in any way you with your behavior or words. Always try to be as honest and open with others: call a person for a dialogue and tell him about your feelings. All problems that appear in relationships are most often caused by precisely because people cannot be frank enough in expressing their true feelings. Try to share with people what hurts, upsets you and makes you feel insecure. By practicing this method, you will attention to how your communication is getting better.
Psychological trainings will help in self-discovery and teach open, honest dialogue.
USE PRONOUN "I"
When communicating with a person, start sentences with pronouns "I" to show that you take responsibility for thoughts and feelings on yourself. This way of "non-violent communication" will cause the interlocutor trusts you and will make it clear that you are not using aggression. When the offender will feel calm on your part, he will not want to continue blame you, or point out your shortcomings. In order not to take everything to heart, you need to first. turn, start with yourself and understand that it also depends on you how exactly people will communicate with you.
website of our online store you will find interesting gift certificates that will help you find friends and new acquaintances.
Worked on the material:
Text - Valeria Vasilyeva
Design - Ksenia Kachanova.
Psychologist's advice on how not to take everything personally
December 18, 2020
In the life of every person there are events that can knock the ground out from under your feet.
This is especially true for sensitive people who take everything very close to their hearts, passing problems through themselves. This type of people are most susceptible to stress and depression. Psychologists know how to learn not to worry and enjoy life.
Useful advice from psychologists
Learning to live without stress is quite real. This will require the following:
- You need to understand that all life's troubles are temporary, and someday they will definitely end.
- It is necessary to avoid excessive emotionality and try to calmly cope with the problem, and not run away from it.
- No need to try to please everyone. Remember that you are a person, and therefore individual.
- Don't be afraid to take the initiative. By remaining a passive observer, you will not succeed.
- Don't confuse being demanding with initiative. In this case, the main thing is not to go too far.
- Do not rush everywhere and do everything, live measuredly. If you learn to put things off until later, you will feel more relaxed and happy.
- Do not neglect good sleep and proper nutrition, as their lack can severely affect mental health.
- Good mood is a wonderful antidepressant, so don't stop smiling.
- Do not hold back emotions in yourself and let them out. The emotions you feel inside of you will lead to depression and health problems.
- Try to motivate yourself by setting goals. Don't live for one day.
- You must understand that any relationship needs to be worked on well, knowing what kind of people to let in.
- Clearly plan your time to keep up with everything. You should make time not only for work and family, but also for yourself.
- Learn to find an alternative so that there is always a way out.
- Do not be upset because of troubles, but it is better to take them as a kind of life lesson.
- Try to constantly develop, because an interesting interlocutor always has many acquaintances.
- Make time for creativity and spirituality seriously.
- Learn not to react negatively to failures, protecting yourself from bad feelings. Try to show a sense of humor, just drawing certain conclusions.
- One of the main rules is to learn to love, appreciate and pamper yourself.
If you learn to adhere to these rules, life will be much easier.
How to respond to rudeness and protect yourself from negativity?
Psychologists are sure that boors are people who are dissatisfied with life, who constantly experience a feeling of pressure at work or at home. With the help of rudeness, they are trying to get rid of the accumulated negativity. You should not enter into a dialogue with boors, you just need to demonstrate your dignity in front of him.
