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How Soon Is Too Soon?

I’ve moved in with women on three separate occasions over the course of my life. 

Once was for my 10 year marriage, another was for a brief five month fling that ended in disaster, and one was for a longer term cohabitation with a girlfriend that lasted four years. 

I definitely know a thing or two about how to know if you’re ready to move in with your girlfriend. 

There are a lot of benefits to pair bonding and living with a woman. However, it’s also vitally important that you understand the many different risks and potential pitfalls you can run into when weighing up such a decision. 

So in this post, you’re going to learn everything you need to know. This is the last guide on deciding whether or not you’re ready to move in with your girlfriend that you’ll ever need. 

Let’s jump into it.

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How Soon is Too Soon to Move in Together?

The baseline answer to this question is this: 

It’s too soon to move in together if you don’t have the foundational structures of your life set up and operating so smoothly that you can also take responsibility for an additional person.  

A lot of men make the mistake of moving in with a woman to save money, or to pay less on bills. 

Sometimes this strategy works. But far more often, when a man moves in with a woman for these reasons and under such circumstances, he runs headfirst into a situation that eventually turns bad—a situation that’s difficult to walk away from without performing an entire reset on his life. 

This is what you should want to avoid as a high value man.  

It’s in your best interest to wait to move in with a woman until you have your life so put together that you can afford not only your part of it, but also her part of it as well—even if there’s an agreement to split the bills.

If for some reason something happens and she drops the ball—ceasing to pay her fair share—you don’t want your life to go to ruin because of it.

You must be ready to keep your life stable, even if things go wrong. And this definitely includes your living domain.

As a high value man, it’s vital that you maintain control of the frame of your life.

A man whose life falls apart because the woman he’s living with fails to uphold her end of the bargain is a man who’s living in pure chaos. 

This isn’t the ‘most fun’ aspect of moving-in together to talk about, but it’s all too often the one that men overlook the most. 

And for many men, overlooking this factor can even have implications that damage and destroy the relationship. 

Let me explain why.

Moving in Together with a Woman – A Perspective on Attraction

It’s vitally important for you to understand the difference between male and female core sexual programming before making a decision about moving in with a woman. 

Now, before we continue, you should know that some people may disagree about this particular point that I’m about to make. 

But in all of my experiences with women, these behaviors have never proven to be false. They’ve always been supported by consistent and predictable behaviour. 

The id of the female (the id, from Freud’s personality theory, is the primitive and instinctual part of the mind. It contains sexual and aggressive drives, as well as hidden memories) is primarily focused on prioritizing her survival, and the survival of her offspring. 

The id of the male, by contrast, is primarily focused on prioritizing the desire to be selected by the female.

What does this mean to you?

It means that underneath all of the pretty bells and whistles, any woman you move-in with is choosing to move in with you because on an instinctual level she sees doing so the option that gives her the best odds for survival. 

Of course, this is manifested in day-to-day life as romantic desire. 

It’s also important to understand that when a man moves in with a woman, he puts himself at a much greater risk of losing her attraction. 

Why?

Because once you start to domestically overlap your life with hers, all of your masculine frame weaknesses will be revealed. And women pick up on masculine weakness like a shark smells blood in the water. And if she detects this, she’ll lose respect (and attraction) for you. 

Therefore, your masculine frame needs to be airtight, authentic, and powerful before you should ever consider moving in with your girlfriend. 

This is why men should always be focused on becoming better men, regardless of whether or not they’re in a relationship, cohabiting, or single. 

10 Signs You’re Ready to Move in Together

1. You’re Making Enough Money to Survive on Your Own

If you can’t afford the kind of life you want on your own, then trying to team up with a woman to achieve it is definitely the wrong move. 

In theory, this sounds like it makes sense. 

But the truth of the matter is that this can leave you much too vulnerable. 

You must always remain in control of the foundational structures of your life. This includes your living situation.

At the very least, you should be making enough money and have your life organized to such an extent that if the woman were to choose to randomly pack up and leave, your life wouldn’t be thrown into chaos.

2. You’re Emotionally Self Sufficient

Living with a woman can be one of the greatest experiences of a man’s life.

But it doesn’t come without its challenges.

Living in such close proximity to such an emotional creature, even if she’s the woman you love more than anyone else, can take its toll on you if you’re not emotionally tough enough to withstand the challenges. 

It’s vitally important that you have your emotions in check, and that you’re proficient at practicing inner strength and stoicism before choosing to cohabitate.

3. You’re Comfortable Alone

Some men choose to cohabitate with their girlfriend out of a desire to curb loneliness. 

But once again, this is reasoning that can get you into trouble. 

If you’re not comfortable on your own, then you likely have some inner work to do before you’re ready to be the kind of partner a woman needs a man to be.

Consider reading the book To Be a Man: A Guide to True Masculine Power, by Robert Augustus Masters, if you need to work on yourself in this regard.  

4. Your Girlfriend Is a High Value Complement to Your Life 

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Before moving in with your girlfriend, you need to vet her to make sure that she’s a high value woman who’s going to contribute in a beneficial way to all of your different plans and goals.

It’s also important to ask yourself:

Do you see this woman as being the ultimate best choice for you? Or are you just settling for someone that you kind of like because it’s a convenient situation? 

As a general rule, moving in together is too much of a risk unless you’re really, really into the girl, and really committed to making it work.

One thing you don’t want to do is move in with someone, only to realize four months later that you don’t really like her anymore.

A woman who’s going to distract you or impede your forward progress shouldn’t ever make it to the point where she lives with you.  

5. You Have Complementary Values and Worldviews

The most attractive quality in a woman is when you know she hasn't been with everybody, and won't be with just anybody.

— Richard Cooper (@Rich_Cooper) August 14, 2019

Dating someone who lives separately from you is a much different experience from cohabitating. 

When you date someone who lives separately, you have your own space to ‘retreat to’ when you need time alone, to re-energize, to study, to work, etc. 

However, this is much more difficult to do when you live with someone.

For this reason, it’s always important to make sure that the two of you have complementary values and worldviews before moving in together. 

This will help you to be able to relax in each other’s company and rest easier. 

It really matters.

6. You’ve Made Sure That This Decision Won’t Put You at Risk

Choosing to move in with a woman can potentially put a man at risk in a number of ways.  

For example, if she owns the house you’re moving into—then she could, in theory, legally kick you out if things go south. 

It isn’t fun to think about, but you always want to plan for the worst. 

If things do go south, is this situation set up to where you’ll still have security within your own home and domain? 

I actually have a rule for this in my own life. 

A man should never move into a woman’s house. 

It’s important for a man to always maintain control of the frame of his life. 

And this is impossible to do if someone else has control over your living situation.

I believe that the best course of action is for the woman to always move into the man’s house.

A possible suitable compromise would be for the two of you to move into a new place together, and for both of your names to be on the lease.

7. You’ve Discussed All Relevant Domestic and Relational Expectations

I once moved a woman into my house under the understanding that we were both going to work together to build greater success as a couple.  

That is, until she moved in and literally did nothing. 

All she did was sit in the bedroom, watching TV shows and browsing social media, while I worked and paid the bills. 

When I tried to talk to her about it, she got defensive and angry at me. 

Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last very long.

She was gone within a few months—and trust me when I say that it was for the better.

But see, this was partly my fault. I failed to vet her properly before allowing her access to my living space. 

It’s incredibly important to discuss responsibilities and expectations before combining living spaces. 

Some examples of things to discuss include:

  • Who pays for what?
  • Who’s going to do which chores?
  • Are there any rules that need to be agreed upon as a groundwork for cohabitation?

8. You’re Committed to Continuing to Chase Excellence

It will instead disappoint and frustrate you and make you anxious and unhappy and hard to get along with (and then resentful, and then vengeful, and then worse). pic.twitter.com/IjYbwAFRDD

— Dr Jordan B Peterson (@jordanbpeterson) November 26, 2021

Some men really drop the ball on chasing excellence when they move-in with a woman.

Hey, it’s understandable. 

All of a sudden, you’re living with the person you love. The two of you are watching Netflix, eating snacks, and having lots of bomb sex. 

Life is good. 

So you get happy, and you start to slack off a bit on the hard work and hustling. 

But this is a surefire recipe for disaster in any man’s life. 

If anything, moving in with a woman should trigger within you the desire to pursue even greater excellence in life. 

This will keep the fire within you alive, and keep her more attracted to you than ever.

9. You’ve Grown Comfortable with Healthy Conflict 

Living with anyone will necessitate a certain degree of healthy conflict—sometimes even on a daily basis. 

It’s incredibly important to be mature enough and strong enough to voice your opinions, thoughts, and desires when things aren’t going as you think they should. You also need to be adept at setting strong, healthy boundaries as a man.

If you’re not ready to have these types of conflicts (and to be mature about them) on a daily basis, then you’re probably not ready to cohabitate with a woman.

Need some help with this? Read this in-depth guide: How to Command Respect Without Being a Jerk: 12 Actionable Ways. 

10. The Problems Are Minimal at Worst

A lot of people mistakenly believe that moving in together will solve the stress, arguments, and conflicts in the relationship. 

But this is 100% false. 

The truth is that moving in together will actually heighten any problems that currently exist. 

Stress will become magnified. Conflict will increase. Arguments will become more pronounced, and will happen more often. 

Now, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. No matter how good your relationship is, there’s going to be conflict.

You can absolutely count on that. 

However, if your relationship is already explosive and so full of conflict that you can barely stand each other—well, moving in is definitely not the right decision.  

Odds are good that once you move in together under such circumstances, things are going to get so bad that the two of you are going to start hating each other.

To learn more about how to successfully live with a woman, I highly recommend that you read The Man’s Guide to Women: Scientifically Proven Secrets from the Love Lab About What Women Really Want, by John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman. 

Moving in with Your Girlfriend: 9 Tips Every Guy Should Follow

1. Always Bring Her into Your Frame

I can’t say it often enough. 

Never move into the woman’s domain. 

As the man in the relationship, you should maintain power and control over your own domain. 

If you can’t afford a nice enough place to move her into it with you, then you’re just not ready to move in with a woman—period.

2. Be Capable of Walking Away at Any Point 

If you can’t afford to have a backup disaster plan for if things go south, you’re definitely not ready to move in together.

I once had a friend who fell into this trap in a terrible way. 

He ended up moving into his girlfriend’s house in a small isolated town that was two hours away from any friends and family. 

He even sold his car, thinking that he could drive hers to save money together. Worst of all, he gave up his job to work for her in a small business she was running (he truly made all the worst decisions in this situation).

But the relationship went really south. And to make matters worse, he got her pregnant. 

The love, sex, and romance all dried up. 

They ended up living in a horrible, bitter, resentful relationship where they basically became angry roommates. 

Worst of all, he had zero options for getting out of it, because he had spent everything in an ill planned move to cohabitate with her. 

His misery was apparent. This one single decision virtually ruined his life for a while.

But all of it could have been avoided had he just done the work to prepare for disaster beforehand.

Case in point—don’t move into a woman’s house. 

But at the very least, have a few thousand dollars stashed away in a bank account, just in case.

A man must always have some back-pocket options in case cohabitating doesn’t go well.  

3. Set Expectations Early On

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We’ve already discussed this a bit, but it’s important enough to dig deeper into.

Before you move in with her, lay down basic necessary ground rules, and hear her out as she brings her own expectations to the table. 

If you don’t set expectations early on to the best of your ability, and discuss any differences that might arise, it’s going to make it seem like you’re just constantly complaining and whining throughout the relationship once you get into it and realize that you didn’t set any boundaries. 

A man who seems like he’s constantly ‘changing his mind’ is going to lose his girlfriend’s respect—and you certainly don’t want that

4.

Be Willing to Have Healthy Conflict Right from the Beginning 

If something is bothering you, make sure to bring it up quickly—in a common sense, peaceful way—and talk about it with her. 

This one simple habit of not avoiding conflict will save you from enduring countless arguments later on. 

It’s always better to bring issues up before emotions run high and you grow tense, bitter, or resentful.

5. Understand That She Needs Your Help to Make This Work

If you really want to make this work, it’s important to understand that she needs you to be a strong man. 

She needs you to listen to her, take her feelings into account, and believe in her and in the relationship in order to make it work. 

In other words, you need to be on the same team—and you need to be committed.

She also needs you to be a leader. Not a follower.

If you don’t feel like you can give this to her, choosing to move in is the wrong decision. 

6.

Continue to Invest in the Relationship

Some guys get lazy once they move in with a woman. 

They stop dating her, and basically start taking the relationship for granted. 

You definitely don’t want to do this. 

In fact, if anything, after moving in together, it’s more important than ever to specifically schedule time to spend with her. 

Continue to ask her out on dates. Continue to schedule times where the two of you go out together and do things like you did before moving in. 

This is so important. 

7. Set Goals Together to Work toward a Better Future

Moving in with a woman isn’t the time to settle down and rest. 

It’s the time to start working together to build an even more awesome life together. 

Sit down with her and figure out what she wants for her future. 

Try setting some goals together as a couple. 

Fitness goals are a great way to start. You can also set money goals, or even goals for accomplishing joint projects together.

Not only will this let her know that you’re stepping up to be a leader in the relationship, but it’ll also confirm to her that you still desire her and are committed to prioritizing your life together. 

8. Take Responsibility for the New Family You’re Creating

Like it or not, you’re no longer ‘just dating’ when you move in with a woman. In her mind, and according to the natural way of things, you’re starting a new family. 

Even if the relationship just stays limited to the two of you and a cat or two, it still counts as a family—and you still have to take responsibility for it as a man. 

Take this responsibility seriously.  

Remember that you owe it to her (and to yourself) to be the best version of yourself that you can be. If you don’t put real effort into this, and if the relationship falls apart because of a lack of effort on your part, you’ll have to carry the responsibility for those failures on your shoulders. 

I can’t stress this enough. If you’re not ready to shoulder this responsibility, don’t move in with your girlfriend. 

To learn more about shouldering responsibilities as a man and getting your life together, I recommend reading 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos, by Jordan B. Peterson.

12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos

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9. The Better You Get At Being a Masculine Leader, the Better Your Odds for Success

Women don’t want to lead a relationship.  

They don’t want to be the ones to make the important decisions. 

They don’t want you to look to them for guidance. 

They crave a strong, powerful, masculine leader to lead them victoriously into the future.

So it’s vitally important that you maintain strong masculine frame, and that you don’t neglect this great responsibility and opportunity to become the man who’s capable of leading his family to success. 

Trust me. If this family is worth starting, the commitment to being a strong leader is non-negotiable. 

If you’re not ready to be the strong masculine leader that this relationship needs, it might be better to just keep living on your own and not cohabitate with a woman quite yet. 

Moving in with Your Girlfriend and Her Child

It is not anger at misbehavior. It is not revenge for a misdeed.

It is instead a careful combination of mercy and long-term judgment. pic.twitter. com/tWYY8BA6za

— Dr Jordan B Peterson (@jordanbpeterson) November 17, 2021

Moving in with a woman is a huge decision, no matter how you split it.

But moving in with a woman who’s also a single mother is a life decision that should only be entered into with the greatest amount of soul-searching, planning, forethought, contemplation, and wisdom.

Everything we’ve already discussed in terms of making a wise decision about moving in with your girlfriend is compounded maximally when you add one or more children to the equation.

The responsibilities also increase to a drastic degree.

You may not be the child’s father. The child may or may not have a father in the picture.

But living under the same roof as a child, and being in a relationship with that child’s mother, still thrusts upon you a great deal of responsibility for its care and well-being.

Not only are you starting a family with your girlfriend—but by moving-in together, you’re actually starting a family with her children as well.  

And there are real, drastic, negative life consequences for choosing to break up a family with children involved if you later decide that this ‘just isn’t for you.’ 

Cohabitating with a Single Mother Is Risky

There are a lot of influencers in the redpill and manosphere spaces who warn men never to move in with a single mother because of the risks and costs that you’ll incur as a result.

And to be fair, they’re not wrong. Choosing to cohabitate and channel resources toward a woman who has children that aren’t yours is a costly venture that doesn’t often yield equal benefits for the man. 

Sure, you may come to love the child. But you have no legal right to it—unless you jump through major and expensive legal hoops to adopt it.

And even then, that’s only really possible if for some reason there’s no real father in the picture anyway. 

Plus, no matter how much you invest in that child, the mother could still choose to take it away, with zero legal consequence, at any point that she wishes.  

This isn’t to say that it’s never a good decision to move in with a woman who has a child. 

It’s just to say that the risks are so compounded, the potential for disaster so much greater, and the benefits for the man so minimalized in comparison to the benefits experienced by the mother, that it really bears asking:

Why would you choose to move in with a woman who has children with another man, when you could move in with a woman who doesn’t have children and start a family of your own?

In some cases, moving in with a single mother could be a good thing. Especially if you already have kids, and if the two of you are ready to move forward in life in a positive direction, with a fresh start in your post-child-bearing-years. 

All I’m saying is to exercise great caution and wisdom before making such a decision.

I would wholeheartedly encourage you to read the book The Unplugged Alpha: The No Bullsh*t Guide to Winning with Women & Life, by Richard Cooper, before ever contemplating a move-in with a single mother.  

That book is filled with information that every man should think about before making such a move. 

The Unplugged Alpha: The No Bullsh*t Guide To Winning With Women & Life

This book changed my life. Period. It'll help you to understand the concepts of masculine frame and mental point of origin, which I believe are both crucial in your pursuit to become a better man for both yourself, and for the world. Cooper also breaks down the top 20 red flags that you should vet women for when considering them for a long term relationship, and they're on point. I don't say this lightly but it should be mandatory reading for all men.

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Conclusion

As I wrap this up, I’ll leave you with one more piece of advice. 

Don’t rush it.  

There’s nothing wrong with putting off a move-in for another six months to a year, while you make sure that this is the right thing for you and that it’s what you really want.

If you feel like you don’t fully understand the implications of cohabitation, or if you feel like you may not be ready, there’s no shame in waiting and just saying:

“I’m not ready yet.”

However, successfully moving in with a woman and starting a new chapter in your life and relationship can also be one of the most rewarding things a man ever does.

This is truly the stage of life where a man ceases to be a lone wolf, and takes up the torch to become the leader of a new family.

This speaks to the man’s journey of stepping up into an alpha leadership role, and it can be a powerfully positive transition for men who want to grow and progress in their life. 

If you’re a good man who’s ready for the responsibility, this can be one of the most rewarding decisions you ever make.  

But don’t make it hastily or lightly. 

It’s one of the biggest decisions of a man’s life, and it should only be entered into with great wisdom and strength of mind. 

Go with grace my friends, and never give up your power.

FAQs

I’m nervous about moving in with my girlfriend. Why?

Because it’s a huge decision. 

And you should be nervous about it. 

Feeling nervous doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s the wrong decision. But you do need to do your research and some soul searching to make sure that you’re ready for such a big commitment. 

The steps outlined above can help to guide you toward the place of deciding whether or not you’re ready for this huge life transition. 

If you are, then it may be time to face your fears and pull the trigger. 

If not, there’s no shame in simply saying you’re not ready, and putting it off for another six months or a year.

How should you tell your kids that you’re moving in with your girlfriend?

As a general rule, you don’t want to rush this step.  

Most experts agree that you should wait six to eight months before even introducing your new girlfriend to your children. This is to ensure that this person is actually going to become a fixture in your life and isn’t just passing through.

Then, you’ll definitely want to give it some serious time before choosing to move in with her. 

We’ve already discussed this above. 

The risks incurred as a result of moving-in with your girlfriend are magnified for you as a man with children. 

You cannot risk putting your children into a situation where their housing could be in danger if things go wrong. 

Therefore, make sure that you do the legwork and the due diligence of making sure that your life is secure before committing to a move in.

With that being said, if you’ve made sure to acclimate your children to your girlfriend beforehand, and if relations between them are positive (which they should be if she’s a high value woman and if your children have been raised properly), then simply informing the children of the move in an in-person family announcement, with plenty of advance notice, is a great way to break the ice about such a decision.  

It’s also a good idea to give your children the opportunity to process the news and to ask any questions they may have in a loving, zero judgment environment. 

Let your kids communicate freely with you about this and share their true feelings and concerns about it. 

This could serve to be a great bonding moment that helps you to move your family forward during such a huge transition.

How long should you be dating before you move in together?

At an absolute minimum, you should be dating your girlfriend for at least a year before you even consider the possibility of moving in together.

Personally, I’ve approached this from both different directions.

Before I got married, my wife and I dated for roughly two years before we moved in together. 

But with my latest girlfriend, we only dated for about four months before pulling the ‘move-in’ trigger.

After experiencing both, I’ve realized that the very best way to navigate this step is to make sure that you’ve spent sufficient time getting to know this person before choosing to share a home with them.  

The next time I enter into a relationship, I’ll make sure that I date the woman for well over a year before making the decision to cohabitate.

Do relationships change when you move in together?

When you live together, good things tend to get better, and negative things tend to get worse. 

For example, if the two of you have a mostly positive relationship, where you share a lot of common interests and enjoy fun things together, then those things will tend to get better with time as you live together. 

Stressors, arguments, and conflicts, however, will tend to increase and multiply. 

You’ll also develop conflicts with your significant other that you probably didn’t even forsee or think about before sharing a living space. 

This is a normal part of the process though. 

As a general rule, once you move in with someone, you should expect to have small conflicts on an almost daily basis as you negotiate the terms of your domestic living situation and establish healthy boundaries.  

This is normal, but it’s not for the faint of heart. 

As a man, you need to make sure that you have the inner strength, fortitude, and emotional capacity to engage in such conflict in a healthy, positive, and productive way. 

If you’re not ready to do this, or if you tend to be defensive, overly sensitive, conflict averse, or super emotional about things, then you’re probably not ready to live with a woman.

8 Tips for Successful Shacking Up

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Moving in with your girlfriend is a big step.

It can be an exhilarating experience. You’re both ga ga for each other, you’re both hopped up on hormones and stomach butterflies…

What could possibly go wrong?

Here’s the thing:

No matter how in love you are, making the transition from just dating to “shacking up” introduces a whole new dynamic to your relationship. While 90% of it is positive, if you’re not careful, moving in with your girlfriend can cause unnecessary strain on the relationship.

Here are 8 important tips you need to know before you move in with your girlfriend:

1. Move in For the Right Reasons

For many couples, moving in together is just that inevitable next step in a prolonged courtship. Which is fine. But if you’re moving in together just because it seems like the next step, beware. That could be a sign that you’re on relationship autopilot.

If you’re going into this thinking, “well hell, I’m already at her place all the time anyway…and we could save some money…” that’s not exactly a great reason to take the plunge.

Even if you have a purely budget-driven view of moving in together (by splitting rent, I’ve calculated that we can save an extra $1000 per month for pizza and beer, hooray!), there’s a good chance she’s seeing this as the step to something bigger.

What may just seem like a 6-month lease to you might be the precursor to walking down the aisle for her.

But that’s not all. Many married couples will tell you that moving in together is actually a bigger deal than getting married. Moving in creates a huge shift in the mechanics of your daily life and your relationship. And ironically, filing divorce papers is nothing compared to the hassle and pain of deciding who gets to keep that pricey couch you bought together or who has to suddenly find a new place to call home—especially if you’re in a competitive rental market.

All of that to say that if you’re combining addresses, make sure you’re going into it eyes wide open.

Call me old fashioned, but to be safe, only move in with a woman who you could see yourself marrying…and staying with.

2. Start Fresh in a New Place

When you decide to shack up with your girlfriend, you might be tempted to move into her apartment or yours. Try to avoid this if you can.

If you can swing it, I highly recommend starting fresh in a totally new apartment.

First of all, it eliminates the potential for one person to feel like a guest in their own home. If she moves into your apartment that you’ve had for the last 2 years, she may never quite feel like the place is hers, since it has always been your pad. The only difference now is that she has a set of keys and can store her stuff there.

We all develop certain ideas about where things go in our apartment, and the way space should be used—it’s easy to get set in our ways.

Cereal doesn’t go there! What are you thinking!!? That shelf is for my ironic mug collection!

Starting fresh in a new apartment allows you to take equal ownership of the space from the get-go. And it allows you to envision the space together.

3. Agree on Your Finances Upfront

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When you’re still in the rosy glow stage, it may be hard to imagine screaming at the top of your lungs at each other about your checking account balance.

But there’s probably no other thing that causes more stress in relationships than money.

Some couples think once they start sharing a bed, they should share a bank account. Beware, this is a recipe for disaster.

A better approach is what my wife and I did when we moved in together:

We each kept our own checking accounts, but we set up a third joint account to share. We agreed upfront on all the common expenses that we’d pay from the account. Then we figured out a rough estimate budget—and each of us puts a set amount in each month to cover those regular monthly shared items like rent, toilet paper, groceries, utilities, etc.

It’s far less messy than trying to remember that I paid the PG&E bill this month and she paid the cable bill, and I only bought groceries once in May, while she stocked the fridge 5 times.

Best of all, if I want to blow $100 on a nice bottle of Scotch, I can just dip into my own account without her resenting me for being a drunken spendthrift.

It may seem obvious, but a critical part of figuring out your shared budget is to align your lifestyles. Even if one of you makes significantly more money than the other, you’ll need to see eye to eye on your budget to avoid any ruffled feathers.

For instance, even though you are accustomed to having 6000 cable channels and the full interactive sports package, she may not want to shell out for a $300/month for a cable package. You, in turn, may not want to spend $50 extra per month to run the air conditioning all throughout the Summer.

While it may seem unromantic, having an honest conversation upfront about your wants and needs (and willingness to pay for them) can help avoid tons of stress and anger down the line.

4. Divvy Up Household Responsibilities

OF COURSE you and your girlfriend are SO compatible that the household chores will just magically get done, right?

In the movie montage in your mind, your love will be so strong that you’ll both completely selfless:

You: No baby, please let ME take out the trash. You did it last time…

Her: Ok, then I’m going to go ahead and scrub the toilet again

Both in unison: Ohh snoookems…. [fade out as couple shares a longing gaze]

While the love part may be true, and while you both might be totally selfless and caring individuals, the reality is that household logistics don’t just work out on their own.

Rather than playing it by ear, try dividing up household chores so you each have separate tasks you’re responsible for.

For instance, my wife hates dishes and I hate laundry, so there’s a natural division: she does the laundry and I do the dishes. We don’t ever swap—these are just our assigned roles.

That way there’s never any question about whose responsibility something is. If there are piles of crusty dishes on the sink, Kyle is slacking off on his dish duties. If I run out of underwear or socks, wifey needs to get the washing machine cranking.

Even better, when you are each responsible for your own “domains” you’re more likely to take ownership for the chore…and actually want to do a good job. Somehow since it’s your thing you have a little more pride and interest in maintaining it.

Of course there still may be household tasks that you do together—and that’s fine. For instance, my wife and end up shopping for groceries together pretty regularly.

As you look at all the regular chores and responsibilities, you’ll find system that works for the both of you.

Photo Credit: promraza via Compfight cc

5. Plan For Quality Time Together

One of the biggest changes to your relationship when you move in together is that you no longer just see each other on dates or during extended romantic weekends.

When you’re dating, you get the well-edited, polished feature production. When you move in, you get the full director’s cut…complete with bonus scenes that you may not have asked for.

On a basic level, you end up spending a lot more time together now that you share an address. But most of it is not quality time.

Your interactions change: Now instead of seeing you arrive at her door with your hair combed and just the right amount of cologne, she hears you clipping your toenails on the toilet or catches you popping a zit in the bathroom.

Don’t get me wrong: when you’re with the right woman there is something pretty special about the everyday micro-interactions that happen in the course of daily life.

There might be a beautiful peacefulness about the way you both wordlessly grab coffee in the kitchen while ignoring each other until you’ve both fully woken up and/or brushed away the morning mouth.

But when you move in together, you now have to consciously try to inject romance into your relationship. Get in the habit of setting up date nights—maybe a weekly Wednesday night calendar invite when you both dress up and go out somewhere nice.

Setting up a date night reminds you of why you shacked up in the first place—and that your relationship is more than just about paying bills and watching mindless TV while she does Soduku before waking up for another grueling day at work…

6. Maintain Your Own Distinct Identity

Closely related is the need to make sure you both maintain your sense of self in the relationship.

Since moving in together is such a big change, it’s not uncommon for couples to completely alter their normal social patterns and lose track of their friends.

You may initially be tempted to spend all your time with your girlfriend now that you live together. But as I mentioned above, quality time is more beneficial than quantity of time. And even more importantly, you need to maintain other social outlets.

Be sure to keep the regular touch-points you had with your buddies before you shacked up.

If you don’t have regular times to get together, now may be the time to set up a recurring monthly poker night, or a man brunch, or weekly happy hour. Or as Bob Gordon called them, “Big Boy Play Dates.”

This is a win/win for your relationship because when you’re out of the house and hanging out with your friends (1) it gives you a chance to recharge and it giver her some space as well, and (2) it gives you both something to talk about when you come back from your evening with the boys.

When one person in the relationship fails to maintain ties with their social circles, it can put a lot of pressure on the relationship.

They are essentially trying to get all of their social energy from the relationship, and that’s not healthy. But when you both have your own separate lives it can relieve the pressure and help you continue to respect and love each other as separate individuals.

Not only is it important to maintain your close friends outside of the relationships, but it’s also critical that you stay connected to your interests and hobbies. If you were a die-hard mountain biker before you moved in with her, but she just likes brunch and shopping on the weekends, don’t change who you are. Make sure you plan time to hit the trails get some cycling in.

As with making time for friends, it helps give you both a little positive space. And best of all, she’ll end up missing you while you’re gone. The old saying: “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is a truism. That way, when you are back together at the end of the day, you both appreciate each other even more.

7.

Master the Art of Setting Expectations

Another thing that happens when you move in with your girlfriend is that communication becomes even more important. Gone are the single days when you could come and go as you pleased without notifying anyone.

While most couples don’t expect to eat every morning and evening meal together, usually your girlfriend has some expectation that she will see you at some point in the evening after work.

Now that you live together, you’re not obligated to be stuck at the hip, but you are expected to give her a heads-up about where you are.

If you’re used to the carefree days of when you could disappear for days and send the occasional text checking in, I can understand how this might seem like a burden to be constantly informing her of your whereabouts—but it’s not an issue once you get used to it.

For anyone who works in a customer service or client service role, this need to “set expectations” may be familiar.

Get in the habit of trying to anticipate what your girlfriend’s expectations are, and make sure you’ve done a good job communicating.

Does she realize that I’m not coming home after work tonight and that I’m planning to go have drinks with the guys? Maybe I should let her know.

Yes, you should let her know.

You’ll learn that the earlier and more gracefully you set her expectations, the better things are for the both of you.

Depending on the usual balance between free time and together time, you may also find that you need to pair the “I’m not going to be around” conversation, with a “but hey, I’d really like us to do something fun on Tuesday instead” suggestion.

When you move in together, sometimes there can be an initial shock and weirdness where you one or both of you might be worried about whether you’ve made the right decision…or worried that the other person might not be into it.

So it doesn’t hurt to give her a little extra reassurance that, yes, you do want to spend time with her this week, but you also want to catch up with your buddy Phil, who just got a new job and who you haven’t seen in 3 months.

In short, you’ll find yourself quickly getting better at communicating and planning with your new co-habitant.

A shared calendar (like google Calendar) can be a great way to help balance out your social engagements with your girlfriend-time. It doesn’t take the place of letting her know verbally—but it can help you both manage your new shared schedules together.

8. Build the Habit of Healthy and Open Communication

When you move in with someone, it’s only natural for there to be a few bumps in the road. As we’ve discussed above, even if you’re crazy about each other, it doesn’t mean you’ll be perfect roommates.

There are always a few kinks to be worked out.

Before you lived with her, maybe you didn’t realize that her morning ritual involves frantically reorganizing her 30 pairs of shoes while singing show tunes at the top of her lungs. And, in all fairness, she didn’t realize that your morning routine is to sit on the couch watching ESPN in your underwear while eating cold pizza.

It’s easy to let some of these minor annoyances fester if you’re not careful. Besides money, one of the other big tensions for people in relationships is the vicious habit of “keeping score”—tallying up little hurts and annoyances, only to let them explode out months later in an argument.

Try to address these things quickly and gently. If you are bringing up a potential issue, be careful not to make it sound like a demand or like a judgment on her character.

You can always start the conversation by trying to better understand her:

“Babe, how strongly do you feel about hanging your bras off of the back patio? Ideally, I was hoping we could keep them in the closet…”

This way, you’ll be able to get a sense of how important it is to her. On rare occasions she may say that there is no possible way she could ever change her behavior. But 99% of the time, you’ll end up finding a compromise that works for both of you.

Conclusion

If you’re about to make that big plunge and move in with your girlfriend, don’t take it lightly. If you’re doing it for the right reasons, it is a very big step indeed. And don’t think that just because you’re bonkers for each other that moving in together will be a smooth ride. You have to work at it. Use the tips above to help avoid potential stress and make your new living arrangement easier for both of you.

Do you have any tips you’ve found helpful for moving in with your girlfriend? Leave a comment below—I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Features of moving to a girl

Features of moving to a girl

When a child reaches a certain age, it encourages them to start their own family. Some newlyweds legitimize their relationship, others decide to live together. This can be done in a separate apartment of one of the newlyweds or even rented accommodation. But there are times when financial difficulties arise, and a created couple settles in the girl's territory.

Why do guys decide to move in with a girl?

The relationship of a guy and a girl, when moving to another level, provides for cohabitation. When a girl has her own apartment, she is unlikely to decide to move in with him. More likely, she will offer her beloved to settle on her territory. An agreement with a girl can be reached. To do this, you need to prepare so that no one can interfere with the conversation. The young man must make it clear to the girl that he is ready for a joint family existence and invite her to live together. As a rule, when a girl experiences the sincerity of a loved one, she may even be the first to offer to live together.

Marriage without stamps and official registration is gaining popularity. Over the past few years, the percentage of young couples who decide to live together without a formal ceremony has dropped significantly. Newlyweds, before going to a state institution, try to make sure the authenticity of feelings and live together, because even daily meetings and compatible life are radically different things.

One of the most common obstacles that can interfere with the happiness of young people is the resistance of the guy's parents. They do not allow the young man to move. This is especially true for the so-called category of children - "mama's sons". In this case, the future of the couple depends on the perseverance of the girl and the mood of the guy. It is important that he understands that the time has come to make decisions and take responsibility for them. Psychologists advise to move in the absence of parents, but not to take all things. Relatives must understand that adult children have not abandoned them, but are simply trying to build their own family. As a rule, parents have no choice but to accept this choice.

Usually, a young person's possessions do not take up much space and do not require a special vehicle to transport them. As a rule, a guy's arsenal consists of essentials: care products and cosmetic clothing, items necessary for work and some equipment. Since youth leisure is an important factor, it is likely that a young person will take with him computer equipment, discs with films and music.

A girl who offers a guy to move into her house should be prepared for the fact that the guy will move his beloved pet to her. This is especially true in situations where young people leave their parental home without their consent.

A girl must be aware that the move of a guy who takes with him not only essentials, but also an animal and equipment, has more than a serious intention. Young people do not want to spend their time packing and transporting things if they do not plan to linger in the house of their beloved. The main thing is that both spouses understand that moving is a very responsible step towards a new adult life.

Why do men consider it a mistake to live together on the territory of a girl?

It seems to some that it makes no difference who lives together in an apartment, because the main thing is to create a strong union. But many men are sure that a happy future can be built on the territory of a woman.

That's right - this is to bring the girl to her own home, to her family and attract her beloved to her way of life. They are sure that it was not in vain that since prehistoric times, males brought females to themselves, and not vice versa.

It is important for every person to feel like a full-fledged master of the house and a leader in the family. This cannot be achieved when a couple resides in female territory, especially with the girl's parents. This psychological factor can "crush" the leader in a man as the head of the family and will negatively affect family relationships.

A woman, as a rule, behaves in the opposite way. She feels like the owner of the renovation and furnishings. These factors push her to dominant positions in relationships, because she is the main one where a person has come, which means he must establish the rules of existence. Problems can be especially aggravated if the girl's living space is not only her property, but also her parents, brothers or sisters.

According to statistical reporting, in the event of a divorce, women stay with their mother, and the husband is kicked out with nothing. In the case of cohabitation on the territory of the girl with her parents, the rules of existence will be dictated by the wife and her mother.

A man's thoughts about losing an investment

Another common fear of moving in with a girlfriend is the possibility of losing your investment. A person who accepts the female rules of the game should be aware that in the event of a divorce, most likely he will collect his personal belongings and leave. Through the eyes of men, this situation looks like this: at the beginning of a life together, housing is a common house, and everyone invests strength and money in it, during quarrels, screams begin that this is only her apartment, and no one is here.

Many modern women share this opinion. They are sure that men should do this, especially those who have lived all this time in the woman's own house.

Experienced men do not advise young guys to invest in something that they have no control over, and not to start building a family in women's territory. But this is not always possible. In the absence of their own property, not everyone can buy a new home. One option is to rent an apartment. In this case, the woman will not feel like a full-fledged mistress, and listen to her husband. On neutral territory, a guy can initially distribute the duties and rights of a couple. At the beginning of cohabitation, it is necessary to discuss the financing of the family and the division of property in the event of separation.

In any case, each family has its own opinion about the rules and place of residence. Experienced couples are advised not to allow friends, parents and other relatives to have their own relationship, and to resolve all issues by negotiations among themselves.

I don't want to move to the girl (

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3 - I'm male from head to toe;)

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p. s. she is older than me by two and a half years0005

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#20 #20 #20 Experts Woman08 9005

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      Thanks for the comments "Ines", "girl", "mickey".

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