Mother daughter interview questions

Hey Mama: A Motherhood Interview

Happy Monday! As we prepare for Mother’s Day this weekend, I’m bringing several stories of motherhood to this space, broadening our perspectives of what other motherhood journeys look like and expanding our definition of what it means to love a mother, be a mother and honor women in our lives who have nurtured us. Whether you love your own children, someone else’s children, four-legged loves or have decided that having children isn’t something you want to pursue, we are all greatly affected by the role of motherhood with our own moms–by the pain of their loss or the impact of their presence.

Today, I bring you my own mama. While so many childhood memories are faded, what remains vivid is that my mom loved raising babies, and we felt it. It came naturally for her, and even though we were little and preoccupied with things little people think about, I can look back now with such clear awareness that my mom was loving that window in her life. There were messes and stresses, I’m sure, but what I remember most of those early days is my mom’s nurturing heart–she loved pushing strollers and baking cupcakes and planning the perfect handmade Christmas presents. She once told me that now, as an adult, every once in a while she’ll dream that we’re little again, and (warning, this next part is going to kill you) that when she wakes up and the realization comes to her that it was just a dream, she can barely breathe for a second because the clarity of how much she misses it hurts. She’s still nurturing today, never missing a birthday or a Hallmark holiday with a package full of handmade gifts.

If there’s one lesson I’ve learned from my mom, it is to take what you’ve been given and make it beautiful. I’ve seen her practice this is in the kitchen, magically transforming my shoddy we-need-to-go-grocery-shopping refrigerator leftovers into impressive 4-course meals (I’m convinced the woman can make a homemade chicken pot pie from a few rubber bands and scrap paper), and I’ve seen her do it in our home. There were times we didn’t have much money growing up, but you’d never know it from how cozy and inviting she made her spaces–sewing clearance bed sheets into curtains, lighting candles, playing classical music. She’s faced heartache in her life with such acceptance and contentment for her blessings, and that, perhaps, is her greatest gift.

I’m honored to have my mama’s words in this space today. I asked her a few questions about raising kids, and reading her answers made me not only love her more but appreciate the fact that I get to repeat her favorite treasure–raising two girls and a boy just like she did.

What has been the hardest period of motherhood for you and how did you deal with it?

The hardest thing for me was letting my kids go. When they were little it seemed like they would be under my roof forever, safe and sound, needing my care. As they became older, they began to develop friends and interests apart from family life and then ultimately they entered adulthood, leaving home and needing me less. I’ll never forget Kelle, my youngest, leaving me a message on my answering machine: “Mom, just letting you know I had a phone interview for a teaching job in Florida, I got the job and I’ll be leaving in 4 days.” After a good cry, I gathered myself and began the process of letting go. I decided it would be better for me and for my kids to let them “leave the nest” with my blessing.

What is your favorite go-to mom recipe that’s easy for a busy mom with a big family?

What comes to my mind is a simple chocolate cake I used to make frequently called a “wacky” cake. I think it was popular in the depression era because it can be made with limited ingredients, no eggs or milk! Here is the recipe:

1 ½ c. all purpose flour
1 c. white sugar
½ tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking soda
¼ c. unsweetened cocoa powder
6 Tbsp. vegetable oil
1 Tbsp. white vinegar
1 c. water

Mix all dry ingredients. Add oil, vinegar, and water and mix thoroughly. Pour into greased and floured 8 x 8 pan. (Recipe can be doubled for a 9 x x 13 pan). Bake 30 min. at 375.

What is your best advice to moms of little kids?

Love more, worry less! When kids are little, it seems there are so many demands! Some of my most vivid memories of my kids are when they were little. It is such a precious time, cherish every minute!

What is your best advice for moms during the tough teenage years?

Give them space, listen, and encourage them.

I think all three of us kids would say one of your most amazing motherhood qualities is that you love so unconditionally. You pour love without any expectation back. I know that we might all do stuff that maybe you don’t agree with, but we never feel judged, you don’t bring it up and you love no matter what. Is that hard to do and do you want to elaborate on this at all?

I think it boils down to what I mentioned earlier regarding letting them go. It’s not always easy, but I believe children respond more to praise and encouragement rather than voicing your opinions and advice about what they should do. On occasion, I think it is necessary to let your kids know of certain expectations you do have, but always in a positive way!

What was the most important thing in your home when we were little?
Balancing parenthood and other responsibilities is a challenge. When my children were young, it was a busy household with frequent guests and entertaining. It was easy to miss my children’s needs in favor of meeting other’s needs. But the most important thing was meeting my family’s needs, tending to my children and nurturing them.

What was your favorite thing about having little kids?

My favorite thing was making their birthdays special! I still like to do this!

What was the hardest thing about having little kids?

I guess I would have to say it was being interrupted often, not having much time for myself! But it was totally worth it!

What is your favorite thing about having adult kids?

My favorite thing is the anticipation of seeing my kids, especially after not seeing them for awhile, as I no longer live close to any of them. Interacting with them as adults is just as special now as it was when they were little!

What is the hardest thing about having adult kids?
When my kids were young and conflicts arose, they seemed easier to resolve, with solutions usually around the corner. But as my children have become adults it has been more of a challenge to navigate through disagreements and misunderstandings.

If you had to choose one parenting mantra for yourself, what would it be?
Love and support your kids with all you’ve got!

Looking back, if you could do anything differently in motherhood, what would you do differently?
I would have listened more and given advice less.

What are you most proud of in your motherhood journey?
I am most proud of who my children have become. They are each so special and unique and it has been my highest honor to be their mother!

I love my mama so much. Come back tomorrow for more stories of motherhood from some of my favorite writers and online friends sharing diverse journeys of motherhood. And if you haven’t checked it out yet, on my Instagram stories this week, I’m sharing readers’ submissions of the definition of motherhood. I’ve laughed and cried and had my heart expanded to so many beautiful interpretations of this journey. You can find all of them collected in the “Motherhood Is” button in my Instagram Highlights.

30 Meaningful Questions to Ask Your Mother About Her Life

Find Out More About Your Mother's Life

In honor of Mother’s Day, we’re bringing you a list of questions to ask your mother, grandmother, aunt, or any other mothering figure in your life. These questions are designed spark meaningful conversations you’ll appreciate for years to come. There’s no need to make it a formal affair. You can save this list and re-visit it from time to time, using the prompts in conversations over an extended period of time. Alternatively, you could use a service like Storii, which is an online life story platform that makes it easy for you or your loved one to document their life story in a Q & A format.

We’re only children for a very short period of time. Therefore, we know our mothers as adults for the vast majority of our lifetime. While the role of a mother can be a significant one, she had a whole life before you were born and after you left home. Have you ever taken the time to ask her about her life story experiences or gotten to know more about her outside her role as your mother? There are bound to be memories and stories she’s never shared that you will enjoy discovering!

Life Story Questions to Ask Your Mom or Grandma

If you could re-live one day of your life over again exactly as you are now, which day would you choose?
What is one of the hardest choices you’ve had to make?
If you could've done something entirely different career-wise, what would you have done?
What have been the best and worst parts about getting older?
When in your life have you felt most alive-- most yourself?
Is there anything you regret not doing or learning?
What is something you're proud of yourself for?
Is there anything you wish you wouldn’t have worried so much about?
Have you had any significant relationships I don’t know about? What’s the story there?
What were you like as a teenager?
What were you like as a child?
What, if any, kind of family drama was there as you grew up?
Which home that you lived in growing up was your favorite and why?
Have you ever had a funny or meaningful encounter with a stranger that you’ll always remember?
What is your happiest childhood memory?
What is your saddest childhood memory?
Do you feel like your parents let you down in any way? How so?
What did you admire most about your parents?
What do you remember about your parents' relationship? How did your understanding of their relationship influence your own romantic partnerships?
Who, or what, would you consider to be your first love?
What has your faith/religious/spiritual journey been like?
What do you like about yourself?
Have you ever done something that you thought you’d never do?
What are the best and worst parts about being a mother?
Are there any stories, myths, legends, characters, etc. that you feel attached to?
What is the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever bought?
If you were randomly given three days off work, how would you spend those days?
What makes you feel nostalgic?
What is one of your favorite memories with me?
How do you think you’ve changed over the years?

Capture Your Mother's Stories

Storii makes a fantastic and unique mother's day gift, especially for a grandma or elderly woman in your life. You can gift her the opportunity to share her memories and life stories. Plus, it's really a gift you and your loved ones will cherish after she's gone. A Storii account gives you access to a database of thousands of life story questions. Questions can be answered with video, audio, text, and/or images. Answers can easily be shared, downloaded, or printed off as a keepsake.

Crunched for time? Have a tech-adverse mom? Storii's Life Story Calls makes it super simple to capture your loved one's memories and stories with virtually no effort on your part. They can even use their landline number! Storii enables people to build up a legacy over time to be cherished for many lifetimes.

38 questions to get to know your mother better

47,607

Older generation

A year and a half ago my sister, mother and two of our aunts met in a cozy Italian restaurant to celebrate an important family date. For many years we did not meet in such a composition. Almost the last time it was when my sister and I graduated from high school.

A couple of glasses of wine and the conversation became very casual. An old friend of one of the aunts was present at the table, and they began to remember how they lived in Manhattan at 1980s.

Stories came pouring down, one more surprising than the other: about rented apartments, love adventures, first job and about who studied where.

I found out, for example, that when she was in her early twenties, my mother was in love with some very rich man from another country. As a child, I had never heard this story and could not even imagine that a private plane could fly for my mother to deliver her alone to the meeting point and then back.

It reminded me that before I was born, my parents had their own life, full of adventures and worries that had nothing to do with me.

Of course, in childhood we heard stories that they told us about themselves. But rather, these were stories about how they studied well or helped their parents, than stories about their real experiences, meetings and partings.

As we grow older, we begin to learn a lot about parents as adults

What way did they go to stop and suddenly create our little family world?

Here are 38 questions to ask your mother right now to see her from an unexpected perspective.

What is your earliest memory?
What troubles did you get into when you were little?
What kind of relationship did you have with your parents - my grandparents - as a child?
Was there anything you dreamed of doing or a place you would like to visit? What games did you like the most?
What were the punishments at that time? What were you most often punished for?
Did you date anyone before you married your dad (if your parents are married)?
Have you ever parted ways with someone you loved? How did you cope?
Have you ever been very lucky?
How has your life changed since you got married?
How did you manage to work and manage at home in those days? What did you do to be successful? (If mother worked)
Have you had to look for a job or be without money? How did you act in this situation?
What hairstyles did they wear then? What was fashionable at school? And when did you go to college?
Who was your idol when you were young?
What is your best trip?
Who was your best friend? Where is she now? Have you ever quarreled with her?
Have you ever had an abortion? Why?
Was there a moment or event in your life that radically changed your view of the world?
Do you remember your most impulsive, thoughtless act or sudden decision?
When I was growing up, was there a moment when I upset or offended you?
How many times have you been in love?
How did you know that you were ready to marry my father? (If parents are married)
When did you realize that you wanted and were ready to have children (or were you not prepared for this)?
What should I know about our family history that I may not have been told?
Tell me about the day I was born. What was he like?
What was your wedding day like? (If mother was married)
Do you remember the most serious quarrel you had with your father? How did you reconcile? What was the reason?
What is your favorite photograph of you?
What was your first year of motherhood like for you?
What did you imagine me to be when I grow up?
What was your happiest day at work? What do you consider your achievement?
When you were as old as I am now, what did you want to be?
What and who did you struggle with in high school?
How did you usually spend your day off when you were 17?
Have you ever had health problems that you didn't tell me about?
What day would you call the happiest?
What is your favorite song, what does it mean to you?
Have you ever imagined yourself when I will be 20 and you 40? How did you imagine our life? Is it similar to the one we live in now?
What would you like to improve in your life?

Text: Anastasia Zaripova Photo Source: Getty Images

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6 questions a mother should ask her daughter

86,397

Parents know

3 this feeling: everything inside is demanding to give your daughter advice, but you feel that this is not worth doing now. Did you notice that:

She ignores all your advice. From the depths of your vast life experience and from the bottom of your heart, you give your daughter proven and invaluable advice. You yourself had to fill a hundred bumps to reach them. And what? She turns away and ignores or does exactly the opposite.
She listens attentively and agrees, only to do as she planned later. As if you didn't say anything to her, not a word! “Well, why not at least try to do what I advise?” you ask yourself this time.

As you once lacked these tips, you lacked someone who could prompt, save you from mistakes. And how you want now that there is someone to whom you are important - at least enough to listen to you. Sometimes it just breaks your heart.

You want to help and know how to do it, but your recommendations are discarded like yesterday's newspaper.

You feel that your daughter expects something else from you, but you don't know what it could be.

If this happens often, it may be time to step back and think. Ask yourself: is it important now that everything is right, or is it more important not to lose touch with the child? It is not so easy to understand this.

If you were brought up in a Western culture, you, like many mothers, have a need to know the answers to all questions and do everything right. You feel an irresistible urge to make things right for your children and solve all their problems. But then you are left with two conflicting tasks: to be “everything” for them, but at the same time to let them go into greater adulthood. And it is impossible to solve them both at the same time.

What can be done? If it is more important for you to maintain an emotional connection with your grown daughter, then you are already ready to slightly change the approach to solving her problems.

Instead of telling her what to do on a case-by-case basis, ask 6 important questions. They shift the focus from you and your experience to the daughter, her competence and ability to solve any problem on her own.

So, here are 6 questions that will help you maintain closeness and trust with your grown daughter:

What options do you think you have in this situation?
What do you think is the main problem here?
What's at stake?
What do you yourself want to get out of this situation?
If you could do something, what would it be?
What result would you consider a success?

When you ask these questions one after the other, you trust her perspective, her competence and her ability to think and reason. Your child feels appreciated and not just corrected for their mistakes. This makes your relationship more open and trusting.

When you ask her questions to clarify the situation rather than make recommendations, you show that you have complete confidence in her ability to build her own life.

If you let your daughter come to her own decision, the payoff will be immeasurable.

The next time any advice you give, if it is given in a different situation, will be more likely to be heard.

If children do not ask their parents for advice, in many cases they know what they need to do. The only problem is to put it into practice.

When your daughter says this to you, she, like any woman, finds the best ways and options. In addition, he receives invaluable support and confidence from you. This strengthens your relationship and ultimately helps her get things done and do what she feels is right for her.

If I could put a bug in the ear of all mothers who have adult daughters, I would quietly say to them:

“Your daughter just told you about her problem, she trusts you. Listen to her carefully and respectfully, give advice only if she asks for it! And before you do this, make sure that she feels your support, acceptance and approval.

All of us mothers find it hard to contain ourselves when we know the best answer. But if you allow your daughter to come to her own decision and support her, the payoff will be simply immeasurable.

About the author

Catherine Fabrizio is a psychologist who has been dealing with problematic relationships between mothers and daughters for over 30 years. Her website.

Source: blogs.psychcentral.com

Text: Anastasia Zaripova Photo source: Getty Images

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