Mental health relationship quotes

16 Quotes to Inspire Healthy Relationships

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By Sharon Martin, LCSW on January 30, 2017

Relationships contribute to our greatest joys and our biggest struggles. To put it simply, relationships are hard! I assembled the following 16 quotes about healthy relationships to inspire you when things get rough when youre arguing, heart broken, or confused.

Weve all been there! No one has a perfect marriage or a stress-free relationship with their parents or kids. Our relationship struggles may all take different forms, but we all have them (at least some of the time). But we also know that when we can offer kindness, respect, and open communication, and receive the same in return, we can open our hearts and experience deep connection, love, and acceptance.

A healthy relationship is a feast of affection/giving for both people; not one receiving crumbs and trying to convince themselves its enough. Shannon Thomas

I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, its not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone. Robin Williams

When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are. Donald Miller

Every good relationship, especially marriage, is based on respect. If its not based on respect, nothing that appears to be good will last very long. Amy Grant

As you remove toxic people from your life, you free up space and emotional energy for positive, healthy relationships.?John Mark Green

Fear of breaking family loyalty is one of the greatest stumbling blockages to recovery. Yet, until we admit certain things we would rather excuse or deny, we cannot truly begin to put the past in the past, and leave it there once and for all. Unless we do that, we cannot even begin to think of having a future that is fully ours, untethered to the past, and we will be destined to repeat it.?Ronald Allen Schulz

As long as you leave to others the responsibility to make you happy, you will always be miserable, because that is actually your job?Linda Alfiori

A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your friends, your dreams, or your dignity. Dinkar Kalotra

Far too many people are looking for the right person, instead of trying to be the right person. Gloria Steinem

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others. Brene Brown

A healthy relationship keeps the doors and windows wide open. Plenty of air is circulating and no one feels trapped. Relationships thrive in this environment. Keep your doors and windows open. If the person is meant to be in your life, all the open doors and windows in the world, will not make them leave. Trust the truth. Unknown

My primary relationship is with myself all others are mirrors of it. As I learn to love myself, I automatically receive the love and appreciation that I desire from others. If I am committed to myself and to living my truth, I will attract others with equal commitment. My willingness to be intimate with my own deep feelings creates the space for intimacy with another. As I learn to love myself, I receive the love I desire from others. — Shakti Gawain

Lets not forget its you and me vs. the problemNot you vs. me. Steve Maraboli

Love in such a way that the person you love feels free. Thich Nhat Hanh

We can improve our relationships with others by leaps and bounds if we become encouragers instead of critics. –Joyce Meyer

Dont walk in front of me; I may not follow. Dont walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend. Albert Camus

I hope these quotes inspire you to move toward a healthy relationship with yourself and with others and encourage you when things get rough.

*****

FEEDBACK:

By Sharon Martin, LCSW on January 30, 2017

16 Quotes to Inspire Healthy Relationships

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Resources
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  - Find Support
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By Sharon Martin, LCSW on January 30, 2017

A healthy relationship is a feast of affection/giving for both people; not one receiving crumbs and trying to convince themselves its enough. Shannon Thomas

I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, its not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone. Robin Williams

When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are. Donald Miller

Every good relationship, especially marriage, is based on respect. If its not based on respect, nothing that appears to be good will last very long. Amy Grant

As you remove toxic people from your life, you free up space and emotional energy for positive, healthy relationships.?John Mark Green

Fear of breaking family loyalty is one of the greatest stumbling blockages to recovery. Yet, until we admit certain things we would rather excuse or deny, we cannot truly begin to put the past in the past, and leave it there once and for all. Unless we do that, we cannot even begin to think of having a future that is fully ours, untethered to the past, and we will be destined to repeat it.?Ronald Allen Schulz

As long as you leave to others the responsibility to make you happy, you will always be miserable, because that is actually your job?Linda Alfiori

A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your friends, your dreams, or your dignity. Dinkar Kalotra

Far too many people are looking for the right person, instead of trying to be the right person. Gloria Steinem

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others. Brene Brown

A healthy relationship keeps the doors and windows wide open. Plenty of air is circulating and no one feels trapped. Relationships thrive in this environment. Keep your doors and windows open. If the person is meant to be in your life, all the open doors and windows in the world, will not make them leave. Trust the truth. Unknown

My primary relationship is with myself all others are mirrors of it. As I learn to love myself, I automatically receive the love and appreciation that I desire from others. If I am committed to myself and to living my truth, I will attract others with equal commitment. My willingness to be intimate with my own deep feelings creates the space for intimacy with another. As I learn to love myself, I receive the love I desire from others. — Shakti Gawain

Lets not forget its you and me vs. the problemNot you vs. me. Steve Maraboli

Love in such a way that the person you love feels free. Thich Nhat Hanh

We can improve our relationships with others by leaps and bounds if we become encouragers instead of critics. –Joyce Meyer

Dont walk in front of me; I may not follow. Dont walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend. Albert Camus

I hope these quotes inspire you to move toward a healthy relationship with yourself and with others and encourage you when things get rough.

*****

FEEDBACK:

By Sharon Martin, LCSW on January 30, 2017

How social media affects our mood, sleep, mental health and relationships

Jessica Brown
BBC Future

January 15, 2018

Photo credit, Getty Images

studies of how social media, primarily Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, affect our mental well-being.

Three billion people around the world, that is, about 40% of the population, use social networks on the Internet. We spend an average of two hours daily on them: posting notes, sharing photos, responding to friends' posts.

Social media users send nearly half a million tweets and photos to Snapchat every minute.

If social media plays such a big role in our lives, it is very important to understand how they affect us.

Are we sacrificing our mental health and well-being and wasting our precious time in order to communicate online? What do scientific studies say about this?

• How to prevent employees from "surfing the Internet" during work hours

Since social media is a relatively new phenomenon, of course, there are not enough final conclusions yet.

The available studies are mainly based on the reports of the users themselves, presenting the information is not objective enough.

However, the data of the conducted studies already allow us to draw certain conclusions. The BBC Future reviewer got acquainted with the results of the most important of them.

STRESS

Social media is a place where we often express our outrage about anything from substandard services to political issues. This allows us to let off steam, but turns our news feed into an endless stream of negativity.

In 2015, researchers at the Pew Research Center in Washington DC tried to find out whether social networks actually free us from negative emotions or, conversely, cause more stress.

Image copyright, Getty Images

Image caption,

Studies show that mobile has a bad effect on the quality of live communication

A survey of 1,800 people showed that women are much more prone to stress from social networks than men. They called Twitter the biggest source of negativity, as it constantly reminds of unpleasant situations in other people's lives.

Twitter, however, was also an effective way to reduce the effects of stress: the more women used it, the less stressed they felt.

Interestingly, this effect was not observed in men. According to the researchers, they do not take social networks to heart as women do. Overall, the researchers concluded that social media use was associated with "comparatively lower levels of stress."

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In 2014 in 2014 in 2014 in 2014 in 2014 in 2014, Austrian researchers found out that 20 minutes spent on FaceBook. than after browsing other pages on the Internet. Obviously, this was due to the fact that the use of social networks seemed to them a waste of time, scientists say.

According to researchers from the University of California, a good or bad mood can quickly spread between users of social networks.

Between 2009 and 2012, scientists analyzed the emotional content of more than a billion statuses from about 100 million Facebook users.

• Likes and shares can cost careers

Analysis showed, for example, that bad weather increased the number of negative posts by 1%. One negative post someone wrote while it was raining influenced 1.3 messages from friends in other cities where the weather was sunny at the time.

It's good that the funny messages had a strong impact. As the scientists found, each pleasant post inspired 1.75 posts written on a positive note.

Although whether such statuses increased the real mood of users, it remains unknown.

Anxiety

The researchers also tried to find out how social networks affect the overall level of anxiety, sleep and concentration.

A study published in the journal Computers and Human Behavior found that people who use seven or more networks have three times the overall level of anxiety as users of 0-2 platforms.

Image copyright, Getty Images

Image caption,

The beauty of social media lies primarily in the fact that it perfectly mimics the pleasant sensations of the game.

A 2016 study conducted at the University of Babes-Bolyai in Romania on the relationship between social anxiety and social media use produced mixed results.

DEPRESSION

Although some past research has found a link between depression and net use, new research in this area suggests the opposite effect.

Two studies of more than 700 students found that symptoms of depression, such as low mood, feelings of inadequacy, and despair, are associated with the quality of online communication.

Those for whom virtual communication brought predominantly negative emotions had higher depressive symptoms.

A similar 2016 study of 1,700 people found that those who used multiple social media platforms were three times more likely to have depression and anxiety.

Among the reasons given by the researchers were, first of all, virtual bullying and a distorted view of other people's lives.

However, researchers are also looking into how social media can help identify symptoms of depression, which can help you seek professional help more quickly.

Commissioned by Microsoft, researchers surveyed 476 Twitter users and analyzed their profiles on the social network, paying attention to the style of messages, emotions, type of interaction with other users and signs of depressive behavior.

Using this data, they developed a questionnaire that, in seven out of ten cases, predicts the risk of depression even before the onset of the first symptoms.

Researchers: Instagram is the worst social network for the psyche of young people

Last year, scientists at Harvard University and the University of Vermont developed a similar Instagram photo analysis tool that has the same efficiency. The study involved 166 network users.

SLEEP

For most of history, people spent their evenings in the dark, and only in recent centuries has artificial lighting been added to our bedrooms.

Studies show that it suppresses the production of the hormone melatonin, which promotes sleep. The worst effect on it is blue light from the screens of smartphones and laptops.

So, the habit of checking the news feed on Facebook or Twitter before going to bed has a bad effect on the quality of sleep.

Smartphones have identified the laziest and most active countries

Last year, researchers from the University of Pittsburgh surveyed 1,700 people aged 18 to 30 about how they use social networks.

Image copyright, Getty Images

Image caption,

The worst time to use social media is before bed

Scientists have discovered that the blue light emitted by our gadgets plays a significant role in disturbing sleep.

Smartphones in bed do not disturb sleep

The worst influence was not the total time spent on the network, but the frequency of activities in it, which indicated a "compulsive habit" to constantly check for updates.

Researchers, however, have not definitively found out whether social networks cause sleep disorders or whether those who already suffer from insomnia spend more time on networks.

ADDICTION

Despite claims by several researchers that Twitter is more addictive than cigarettes and alcohol, compulsive web use has not been listed as a mental health disorder.

However, social media is changing faster than scientists can study it.

Some researchers pay attention to different types of obsessive behavior in social networks.

For example, Dutch scientists have recently developed their own scale to identify possible addictions.

However, if social media addiction really exists, it can be considered a type of general Internet addiction, which is an officially recognized disorder.

In 2011, University of Nottingham researchers Daria Coussi and Mark Griffiths reviewed 43 previous studies in the field and concluded that social media addiction is indeed a mental disorder and requires professional help.

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They found a link between excessive use of networks and relationship problems, poorer academic results and less participation in real communication.

According to scientists, alcoholics, extroverts and those who compensate for the lack of real relationships with networks are more prone to such addictions.

SELF-ESTATE

Women's magazines with photos of overly thin models, moreover processed in Photoshop, have long been recognized as a source of low self-esteem in young women. But now social media has begun to cause concern among some groups of activists.

Special filters in them, as well as lighting and shooting angle, allow you to create unrealistic photographs.

Image copyright, Getty Images

Image caption,

Viewing other people's selfies can be bad for self-esteem

According to a survey of 1,500 users by the charity Scope, more than half of young people aged 18-34 say that social networks make them feel themselves unattractive.

A 2016 study from Pennsylvania State University found that viewing other people's selfies lowers self-esteem, as users compare themselves to photographs of people at the happiest moment of their lives.

And women tend to negatively compare themselves to selfies of other women, researchers at Strathclyde University in Ohio and Iowa State University found.

However, not only selfies of other users have a bad effect on self-esteem. A survey of 1,000 Facebook users in Sweden found that, in general, women who spend a lot of time on the social network feel less happy and confident.

The researchers concluded: "Facebook users compare their lives with other people's career achievements and happy relationships, and such comparisons are often not in their favor."

However, one small study found that viewing your account instead of other people's photos can increase your self-esteem.

Researchers at Cornell University in New York found this out in an experiment in which one group of students sat in front of a mirror while another looked at their Facebook account.

Image copyright, Josh Rose / Unsplash

Image caption,

In some cases, social media has a positive effect on mood and emotional well-being

The social network had a positive effect on participants' self-esteem. The researchers explain this by saying that mirrors or photographs force us to compare ourselves to social standards, while viewing our own Facebook profile allows us to control how we present ourselves to the world.

FEELING

In a study launched in 2013, scientists found that the more time people spent on Facebook, the less satisfied they were with life.

However, some other experiments have found the opposite. People with emotional instability are more likely to write about their feelings. As a result, the support they receive online helps them recover from negative experiences faster.

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Although the issue is generally controversial, social media has a worse effect on the well-being of people suffering from social exclusion.

RELATIONSHIPS

If you've ever had a conversation with a friend and he or she took out their smartphone and started scrolling through Instagram, you've probably wondered how social media affects relationships.

This also applies to romantic relationships. Researchers from the University of Guelph in Canada asked 300 Facebook users aged 17-24 whether they "get jealous when their partner adds a stranger of the opposite sex as a friend. "

Image copyright, Getty Images

Image caption,

A survey of 1,800 people found that women were much more likely to experience social media stress than men Facebook than men are more likely to experience jealousy.

The researchers concluded that "the social media environment itself contributes to this feeling, and also heightens concerns about the quality of their romantic relationship."

ENVY

In a study of 600 adults, about a third reported that social media evokes negative emotions in them - mostly frustration caused by envy.

The unflattering comparison of her life with the lives of other people provokes her, and above all this concerns photographs from travels.

Feelings of envy cause the so-called "envy spiral" when people start posting more photos that make them jealous.

However, envy is not necessarily a destructive emotion. It often makes us work harder, according to researchers at the University of Michigan and the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee.

During the experiment, they showed 380 students photos and messages from Facebook and Twitter, which usually cause envy - a message about buying valuable goods, travel and engagement.

But the feelings that they aroused in the subjects, scientists characterized as "benign envy", that is, one that inspires one's own achievements.

LONELY

A study published last year in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine of 7,000 people aged 19 to 32 found that those who spent a lot of time on social media were twice as likely to feel socially isolated. They lack a sense of belonging to a group, as well as interaction with others and fulfilling relationships.

According to the researchers, for such people, social networks crowd out personal relationships and make them feel lonely.

Image copyright Jacob Ufkes / Unsplash

Image caption,

When social media replaces face-to-face communication, people feel lonely and successful. Such thoughts are increasingly exacerbating social exclusion."

CONCLUSIONS?

It is clear that it is too early to draw final conclusions on many issues. However, it can be said that social networks have a very different impact on people, depending on many conditions, and above all, on their personality traits.

As with food, gambling, and many other modern temptations, excessive use of social media may not be desirable for some people.

But, on the other hand, it would be a mistake to say that they are an undeniable evil, because networks provide many advantages.

Psychologists call such people abusers (from English abuse - violence, abuse). The consequences of a relationship with such a partner can be catastrophic. These are mental disorders (insomnia, depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder), physical injury, or even death if the aggressor has turned to physical violence.

The best way to protect yourself from this is to recognize such a person in time and cut off any relationship with him. Here are the phrases and actions that betray the abuser.

Signals not to be ignored

Humiliation and criticism

The aggressor will definitely try to undermine your self-esteem. And here's how he'll do it.

1. “You are my little pig…”

At first, the abuser will not openly insult the victim, otherwise she will be indignant and off the hook. Therefore, he will present insults as something natural or even funny. He will not miss the opportunity to call his partner stupid, a loser, or even worse. If in response the victim is indignant, she is told that “I love it” and “you don’t understand jokes at all.”

This also includes seemingly cute, but in fact offensive nicknames like “my pampushka”, “piggy”, “fool”. As a result, the victim gets used to such humiliating language in his address and begins to think that she is really stupid, fat and that she will not succeed.

2. “You are always…”

Anything can go on: you are late, you stumble, you make mistakes, you ruin everything. Such remarks are accompanied by poking and eye rolling, and after that the abuser will definitely say something like this: “It's good that you have me. What would you do without me." Hearing something like this regularly, the victim sooner or later comes to the conclusion that she is really useless and cannot cope without her “savior”.

3. “No problem, they are our friends!”

The aggressor can easily subject the victim to public humiliation. For example, rudely play a trick on her in the presence of acquaintances or make fun of her awkwardness. To all claims, he will say that there is nothing of the kind in this, and since everyone is funny, then she should be funny too.

4. “Are you going to the circus with that make-up on? Come on, it's just a joke!"

Harsh sarcasm, silly jokes that are actually insults wrapped in third-rate humor are all that abusers love to use to destabilize the victim and make them feel worthless. If she starts to resent, she will definitely hear that she understood everything wrong and, in general, one cannot be so vulnerable.

5. “Others your age are already making millions.”

No achievement impresses an abuser.

Got a promotion at work? A little late, of course, but nothing, for you, and this is commendable.
Got a prize at an important competition? And what are you rejoicing about, this is not a victory.
Did you manage to pay off your mortgage early? Surely your parents helped you.

After such statements, a person, of course, is no longer happy and thinks that his achievements are really ridiculous and mean nothing.

6. "Don't waste your time on this bullshit!"

If the victim has an infatuation, the abuser will not miss the opportunity to ridicule him in every possible way. Because his task is to deprive the victim of his own life and interests, so that she spends time and energy only on him.

Control

Abusers use any trick to subdue their partner, deprive him of his will and make him feel shame for any offense - real or imagined.

7. “Where are you? Why don't you pick up the phone right away?"

The toxic partner tends to track every step of his victim. He requires her to report on her affairs and movements, annoys her with calls and messages. Can put on the phone programs that control the location. Can follow the victim personally. In a word, he does everything so that the “toy” does not run away and gets used to feeling on a short leash.

8. “Yes, I read messages on your phone. And what is it?

Abusers without a twinge of conscience can conduct digital surveillance of their victim. Read messages in social networks and messengers, listen to the phone, check the browser history. In some cases, they even demand to provide them with passwords and invade the privacy of the victim quite openly.

9. “It's common money. Should I have asked?"

Emotional abusers do not consider it necessary to take into account the opinion of their victim and make decisions unilaterally. They can carry out some operations with common money behind the partner’s back. They can cancel an appointment for another doctor, refuse an invitation to a holiday, express dissatisfaction with the boss because the victim spends too much time at work. In a word, they behave as if half of them have no rights.

10. “No, I won't give you money. You will spend it on nonsense again.”

Financial violence is one of the favorite levers of aggressors. If the victim does not have his own income (unemployed, housewife, mother on maternity leave), they begin to reproach her with money, deprive her of finances for “wrongdoings” or give out tiny sums that are really not enough for anything.

But even if we are talking about a working and financially independent person, the abuser will still find how to leave him without funds. Put all the money in his account or stop paying the general mortgage. He will simply take everything he has earned, saying that the partner does not know how to handle money, and will force him to account for every ruble spent.

11. “Where is my supper? Bring it now!"

At first, abusers often seem nice and harmless, but at some point they may begin to communicate exclusively in an orderly tone. Do this, give that, go and buy it immediately, don't take those drugs anymore. Unquestioning obedience is expected from the victim, completely uninterested in her opinion and needs.

12. “Again you drive me crazy!”

Outbursts of anger - unpredictable and completely incommensurable with the actions that cause them - are a characteristic feature of the behavior of manipulators. A person who has been in contact with such a partner for a long time begins to be afraid and literally walks along the line so as not to provoke another explosion. Because screaming, assault or pogroms can start at any moment - it is enough to return home later than usual or not wash the dishes.

13. “You won’t succeed, let me be better”

Abusers behave as if the victim is not an adult, but a small child who can and should be told what to wear, where to go, who to be friends with, what to do . The opinion of the other party is not taken into account. Such a dictatorship is often served under the sauce of caring. The task is to deprive a person of independence and make him believe that he himself is not capable of anything.

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Instilling guilt

Guilt is an excellent lever, with which is very easy to manipulate. And abusers know this very well.

14. “I can see you are flirting!”

An abuser's victim may turn out to be unfaithful at any time, even if she herself does not know it. Did you smile at the waitress? He must have been trying to play. Did you go to a corporate party in a beautiful dress? Well, everything is clear, this is only for the men from the office to stare.

A "traitor" can be followed, he will be forced to make excuses for every look, sigh or smile, for every minute of being late - as if the truth is somehow to blame. And this is not to mention the screams, scandals and ugly scenes, including public ones.

15. “Aren't you ashamed?!”

If the victim's behavior does not meet the expectations of her partner, she will definitely be told how worthless she is and how she disappointed such a good person. This will be done, for example, with the help of lengthy notations and replies.

16. “I do so much for you! And you…”

When the victim tries to argue, object or defend his point of view, the manipulators often begin to put pressure on guilt. They make it clear that they are ready for anything for the sake of relationships, and the other half is just an ungrateful bastard who does not appreciate anything. By the way, this technique is very fond of not only toxic partners, but also parents: “We have invested so much in you! Why do you hate us so much?"

17. "It's your fault!"

It doesn't matter what exactly goes wrong in the life of an abuser - the boss shouted, the project failed, the tire was punctured, he needs to find the culprit. And for this role they usually choose someone defenseless and dependent, someone who cannot give a proportionate answer or send them away.

Isolation and rejection

Abusers often try to quarrel with friends and relatives and force them to leave work. In a word, to make sure that the victim is left alone, without anyone's support.

18. “These friends were given to you. Let's have a better time together.”

It is unprofitable for an abuser to have his “property” in the form of loved ones. After all, they can notice his inappropriate behavior earlier than the victim, blinded by feelings, and advise her to leave. Therefore, it is very important for an emotional abuser to stand between his half and her social circle. He will set her against friends, quarrel with relatives, directly or indirectly interfere with communication. For example, he will convince the victim that her family does not love him and unfairly offends him, or that his friends are actually jealous of her.

19. “I don't want to talk to you”

One type of emotional abuse is ignorance. For some “offence”, the victim is punished with coldness and detachment. She is deliberately deprived of tenderness or sex, they stop talking to her, they literally stop noticing her, as if she is an empty place. If people aren't living together yet, the abuser may go off the radar and stop answering calls.

As a result, the victim experiences a very rich palette of negative feelings - from discomfort to complete despair - and after some time is ready to beg for forgiveness, just so as not to feel rejected. And the abuser generously forgives her in order to arrange an emotional swing for her again after some time.

20. “Are you crying? Well, okay.”

You can't expect sincere warmth and support from an abuser. If a partner is upset and going through a difficult time, it is easy for the emotional abuser to ignore it, pretend not to notice, or say that the partner has no right to feel what he feels.

Devaluation

The abuser does his best to make the victim feel insignificant and worthless.

21. “Just think! Is that a problem?"

The victim tells his partner about something important to her, shares her feelings, and he demonstrates with his whole appearance that this is nonsense. This behavior is called depreciation. It can be very hurtful and undermine your sense of self-worth.

Depreciation can be expressed not only verbally. There are other gestures like eye-rolling, snorting and poking.

22. "You take everything too personally"

Such phrases can be a sign of gaslighting - manipulation, with the help of which they try to convince the victim of their inadequacy. Make believe that she is too vulnerable and impressionable, or even comes up with something that is not there. Typical gaslighter phrases: "You're exaggerating", "You just imagined!", "Don't be so nervous!", "Why are you making this up?".

If you back the abuser up against the wall with irrefutable facts, he will still deny to the last that he insulted you, raised his hand, followed you or hid money. Or he will fall into a rage and declare that it was the victim who brought him to sin, which means that she herself is to blame for everything. All this is necessary to destabilize the partner and achieve his obedience.

What to do if you are in a relationship with an abuser

Julia Hill

Psychologist, member of the Professional Psychotherapeutic League, blogger.

Why is it difficult to end a relationship

1. A person has a strong attachment to his abusive partner.

2. Abuse is perceived as a concern: “Where are you going?”, “When will you be?”, “Don't communicate with her/him”.

3. The person does not notice any violence, because he found himself in a scenario familiar from childhood. The partner reminds him of a parent.

A parent can be called an abuser if he is domineering, strict, makes unbearable demands on the child, suffers from alcohol addiction, and is anxious and controlling. Love is associated with violence, and it is this scenario that lays the foundation for all future relationships. Leaving an abuser is like leaving a parent.

To rebuild the usual scenario, you have to go back in time. Because in a relationship with an abuser, a person is trying to solve children's problems. Often, after breaking one such relationship, he immediately falls into another. Just, for example, there the husband no longer drinks and beats, but is jealous and controls every step.

What to do

1. Consult a psychologist. This is the most effective, but not always affordable way.

2. Find in your story the one who became the source of the "love is violence" belief. Think about how interacting with someone close to you is reminiscent of your current relationship with your partner. This is not always easy to do, because the psyche is on the defensive against traumatic memories. Often people say: “There was nothing like that”, “I don’t remember”. This is fine. It means that you are not yet ready to face strong feelings.

3. Understand that a partner is a replacement for your parent. Children cannot help but love mom and dad, because they are dependent on them. The child's psyche is very adaptive and allows you to become attached even to those adults who beat and offend.

Your inner child doesn't want violence, he wants love. But in your understanding, it is either equal to violence, or comes after it.

But now you are an adult and have the right to choose whether or not to tolerate an unhealthy relationship. Try to realize that your choice of partner is not due to love, but to the desire to complete the children's scenario.

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STRESS

MOOD

Anxiety

DEPRESSION

SLEEP

ADDICTION

SELF-ESTATE

FEELING

RELATIONSHIPS

ENVY

LONELY

CONCLUSIONS?

Signals not to be ignored

Humiliation and criticism

1. “You are my little pig…”

2. “You are always…”

3. “No problem, they are our friends!”

4. “Are you going to the circus with that make-up on? Come on, it's just a joke!"

5. “Others your age are already making millions.”

6. "Don't waste your time on this bullshit!"

Control

7. “Where are you? Why don't you pick up the phone right away?"

8. “Yes, I read messages on your phone. And what is it?

9. “It's common money. Should I have asked?"

10. “No, I won't give you money. You will spend it on nonsense again.”

11. “Where is my supper? Bring it now!"

12. “Again you drive me crazy!”

13. “You won’t succeed, let me be better”

Instilling guilt

14. “I can see you are flirting!”

15. “Aren't you ashamed?!”

16. “I do so much for you! And you…”

17. "It's your fault!"

Isolation and rejection

18. “These friends were given to you. Let's have a better time together.”

19. “I don't want to talk to you”

20. “Are you crying? Well, okay.”

Devaluation

21. “Just think! Is that a problem?"

22. "You take everything too personally"

What to do if you are in a relationship with an abuser

Why is it difficult to end a relationship

What to do