Men respond to silence and distance
7 Undeniable Reasons Men Respond To Silence And Distance
Women are from Venus, men are from Mars. Women respond to communication and honesty and men respond to silence and distance.
Is this true and, if so, why?
Whether you’re starting a new relationship or have been in one for a while now, you might be having the struggle of communication vs. distance in your relationship.
In this situation, you are the one who wants to resolve every issue with words, while your man is trying to avoid problems. The more you push him, the more he distances himself.
Have you ever thought of not talking? There’s a relationship rule out there that can work wonders if used correctly.
It can be applied to struggling couples or to relationships that have just ended where one partner wants the other back.
This marvel is called no contact rule .
What is the no contact rule anyhow?
Depending on your situation, this rule can be applied in different ways.
If you’ve just broken up, you’ll want to apply the good old classic no contact rule where you don’t contact your ex AT ALL for a month or even longer.
You simply don’t send him text messages , call him on the phone, or respond to his social media posts. And when he contacts you, you don’t answer.
If you haven’t broken up but want some issues resolved, you might want to apply the less intense version where you simply don’t contact him first but wait for him to make a true effort before you start responding to his messages.
How does it work and what is he thinking during no contact period? Let’s find out.
7 Ways Your Silence Breaks Him
It makes him think he could lose you
Before you decided to give him a taste of the silent treatment , he maybe never even thought of losing you. It’s very possible that he took you for granted.
You were completely committed to him and keen to solve all your issues, pushing conversation as your ultimate tool.
This sometimes even made him feel smothered and as if you were trying way more than he was, which made him believe that you cared more than he did.
Once you begin saving your words and showing him that the version of you that’s always passionate about communicating your problems is not something to feel bothered by, but something to hope for, he’ll start realizing he made a mistake.
Not talking to him will make him think that there’s a chance of losing you – something he never even thought about before.
He starts thinking over what happened in the past
He will start examining everything that happened in your relationship. It suddenly won’t be too much effort for him to analyze the situations that were the cause of the problem for you two.
He’ll be thinking about what kind of person he was and you were in your relationship.
For the first time , he’ll start overthinking and burdening himself with actually trying to figure out what happened and what mistakes he made.
He’ll make conclusions about what he could’ve done differently, and how the course of your relationship would’ve changed if he was smart enough to do the right thing.
At this point, he’ll realize that he should’ve appreciated your words and passion for solving issues immediately more, because your silence and distance bugs him.
It challenges his routine
Before you decided to implement the silent treatment or the no contact rule , he had a certain pattern of responding to the issues in your relationship.
I’m not going to get into what those patterns were, but you are probably well accustomed to them by now.
This time, when your reaction is completely different, he won’t know what to do. Suddenly, nothing he used to do before will make sense and he’ll be left speechless.
He’ll struggle to find new ways to respond to this new regime you’ve decided to implement.
P.S. If there’s absolutely no response on his side, he’s either completely uninterested in you or doesn’t even realize there’s something wrong.
If either of these is the case, there’s a good chance he’s the wrong person for you.
He gets time to miss you
Does silence make a man miss you , you’re wondering? It absolutely does.
This is one of the main reasons men respond to silence and distance.
If you were around all the time, he never really had a chance to miss you. No matter how much someone loves you, sometimes some time apart is necessary to rekindle the passion in the relationship.
Think of all the ways you made him feel taken care of and secure… way too secure. Now that you’re not right by his side ready to be as involved in his life as he allows you to be, he misses you.
He’ll be thinking about all the things you did together and every benefit that your presence brought into his life.
He maybe won’t feel like this for the first couple of days, but as time passes, he’ll realize he needs you, and that’s why it’s important to go through the distance and silent treatment long enough.
It confuses him
He’ll be wondering what got into you. Wait a minute, weren’t you the type of girl who always talked so much, calling and texting him all the time?
Where did all the ” I love you ” messages go? Where did all the “Good morning” calls disappear to?
He’ll be completely confused with the new ways things are working.
A lot of times he’ll start contacting you, but even then it’s important to remain cold. If you rush to answer his first call, you’re just showing him that’s all it takes to get you back.
Long story short, he’ll be intrigued and shaken, and you should leave him feeling like that.
The less he knows, the more he wonders
After a couple of weeks , he won’t know what you’re up to, where you are and with whom, and that will drive him insane.
He probably used to know everything about your whereabouts and plans, and now he’s left completely in the dark.
He’ll constantly wonder what you’re doing, if you’ve made any major changes in your life, and what’s happening with you.
Are you sad? Are you lonely? Are you actually super happy without him? He’ll start secretly plotting ways to “accidentally” run into you just so he can satisfy his curiosity.
He gets angry and emotional
There’s a very good chance he’ll try to contact you, and once you ignore his texts or calls he’ll get super upset. And no wonder – his ego is hurt and he’ll go looking for ways to prove that he can have you.
While this is not the emotion every girl dreams of when she wants to win a guy over, it works.
In romantic relationships , especially early and immature ones, there’s often a power struggle. This time, you’re proving yourself more powerful and that drives him crazy.
Also, it shows him that there is a side of you that he could appreciate, a girl who cares about herself more than anyone else and won’t let a man play with her heart.
These are the seven ways you’ll know your silent treatment is working on him, but… if you don’t hear from him, how will you know what he’s going through?
Don’t worry, there are ways to know your plan is working by what happens to you during that period.
4 Things That Will Happen To You
You’ll discover the benefits of independence
If you do this correctly, you’ll have all this newfound time and energy for yourself. You’ll be surprised how many things you can get done (and enjoy) if you pay less attention to him.
You’ll rediscover who you were in the first place , before even meeting him, and this will be so refreshing to you.
You’ll learn to let go of negativity
After so much overthinking, overanalyzing, trying to solve your issues, you’ll finally be carefree.
When you choose the silent treatment as your way of dealing with things, you’ll suddenly feel like you can easily let go of negativity and welcome positivity into your life.
You’ll feel stronger, smarter, better… Everything that was driving you insane for weeks/months/years will now be a part of your past and the only thing on your agenda will be to take care of yourself.
It will become easier to forgive and forget
Once you distance yourself from a stressful situation, it’s so much easier for you to think more clearly.
You’ll feel that everything that happened between you and your partner somehow makes sense and that realization will make you feel relieved.
You’ll start focusing on yourself
You’ll need to get him out of your head and start doing things that make you happy.
Maybe you’ll go back to an old hobby, start reading or exercising again, go out more with your girlfriends – whatever it is, it will make you feel like you’re finally you .
No more thinking about what your man feels or thinks, only about what to do next to make yourself happy and excited. Definitely focus on yourself ; that’s your way to success.
No matter how hard you think you’re trying, there’s always a chance that what you’re doing won’t work.
There are some common mistakes most girls make, and making even one of them seriously decreases your chances of success.
5 Mistakes You Want To Avoid During No-Contact
Expecting to see results immediately
You might be too impatient to see the results and hope to see them the very same day you start the silent treatment .
That’s impossible.
Think of it as a diet, just because you ate super healthy and exercised for a couple of days, it doesn’t mean your body will immediately change. It takes time.
In the same way, it’ll take him time to go through all the phases of dealing with what you’re doing, so he can realize what’s happening and react.
If you get too excited about seeing results too soon, you’ll end up making mistake number two as well.
Getting really desperate
If you don’t see results you’re hoping for soon enough, you might get desperate thinking that the method doesn’t work and go back to your old bad habits.
Again, it’s just like a diet.
If you don’t see you’re losing weight, you either go back to eating unhealthy foods and no exercise, or you drown yourself in doubt and negativity, thinking you’ll never lose weight, which slows down your progress.
In relationships, this translates to you either going back to calling and texting him, or commenting on his posts on social media or you starting to think that you are unlovable and will never find the right man for you.
Despair gets you nowhere. Remember to stay positive.
Constantly thinking about him
This definitely won’t work if you only cut out the communication part. For this whole period of time, you have to try to stop thinking about him altogether.
If you’re obsessing over where he is and what’s he doing, there’s no chance you’ll get through this. The whole process will feel like wicked emotional abuse and way too forced to be successful.
Focus on yourself, your own needs, and filling time with beneficial activities.
Trying to make him jealous
Actively thinking of ways to hurt him and make him jealous won’t work. That’s something that should be left for immature kids who don’t know how to behave in relationships.
He’ll probably easily see through your act and the whole plan will backfire.
Rehashing past events
It isn’t your job to be thinking all over again about what happened – that you should leave to him.
If you start overthinking about your past issues, you may come to the wrong conclusions because you miss him and want him back.
This is your way to failure, and you know it.
Even if you do everything perfectly, there are always exceptions to the rule. Some men, depending on the circumstances, simply won’t respond to this kind of treatment.
3 Kinds Of Men Who Won’t Respond To The Silent Treatment
A man who’s been hurt
If you’re the one who broke his heart and hurt his feelings, you can’t expect the silent treatment to work.
If you want to make things work with him, you have to show patience, because not contacting him will only prove that you’re not good for him, which isn’t your goal.
An insecure man
Because of his insecurities, he’ll be thinking he doesn’t deserve you. He’ll be afraid of rejection and won’t contact you so he doesn’t have to face the feeling.
He’ll take your silence as proof that he should stop hoping to be with you, even if he’s the one who made mistakes that led you to use this method.
A man who’s really, really stubborn
He won’t contact you because he’s way too proud.
And even if he does, he’ll act like the above-mentioned kind of guy who only contacts you to make a point that he can have you.
For him, everything is a fight for power and he will punish you for being cold to him by even colder to you.
Silent Treatment In Marriage
Marriage is something that needs constant work on both sides. The no contact rule obviously can’t apply here, the same way it’s very hard to apply to long-distance relationships .
If you’re having marital issues, the following advice is what I believe is best for you:
You can’t stop communicating with your partner completely so the “don’ t talk to him” segment of the rule doesn’t apply to you.
What you should try is to stop negative comments, nagging, asking him to do stuff for you, lecturing, yelling… and everything similar to that. You’d be surprised how beneficial this can be for your marriage.
If you’re having problems that are truly worrying and big, I strongly advise contacting a marriage counselor and asking for their professional advice.
To wrap up…
In my point of view , there’s no way that one method can work for everyone. Think thoroughly about your situation and decide on what to do.
While men respond to silence and distance, it’s important to find a way to use that which will be effective for you personally.
Bottom line is, your goal is to resolve issues, not to hurt yourself or him. Always keep that in mind.
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Why Men Respond To Silence And Distance
Let’s face it: Men and women are very different on an emotional level.
You may have heard people say that men tend to respond to silence and remoteness, whereas women respond to communication and honesty.
But is this true? And if so, what are the reasons behind it?
Believe it or not, this is actually one of the most common questions we get from women all around the world.
In fact, as international dating and relationship experts, we’ve studied male psychology and emotion for many years.
Today, you’re going to learn all about how men respond to silence and distance.
Before You Continue…Does he REALLY like you? Take this quick quiz to find out! Find out what he REALLY thinks, and how strong his feelings for you are. Start the quiz now!
Does The Silent Treatment Work On Men?
When all is said and done, do men really respond to silence and distance?
The answer is: YES. But you have to do it the right way.
It involves striking a careful balance between maintaining a distance and keeping him attached to you.
If you let him stray too far away, and ignore him too much, he might become overwhelmed and lose interest, ruining your relationship for good.
But as long as you established a good emotional bond and secured his devotion, he will become crazy with desire for you.
The 7 Reasons Why Men Respond To Silence And Distance
Believe it or not, men are deeply emotional creatures.
They might not admit this, and put up a “tough” appearance, even in front of his best friends.
But the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his feelings.
That’s exactly why silence and distance are so powerful when it comes to men. Done properly, it will trigger the right emotional responses that will make him desire and love you.
Later in this article, we’ll show you exactly how to “lock-in” a man’s devotion and make him emotionally attached to you.
But for now, let’s take a deeper look at the 7 things that silence and distance does to a man:
1. It Makes Him Confused
Guys respond to distance because it breaks the “patterns” that he is used to.
Put yourself in his shoes:
Whether you’ve been together for a long time or you’ve just started dating, at some point he is going to get used to receiving your attention and your positivity.
He will settle into a “comfort zone” where he expects this treatment from you all the time.
Sadly, this may also mean that he starts neglecting you and taking you for granted.
But when you suddenly treat him to silence and distance, you will take him by surprise.
You break this cycle of expectations, and he will become very confused as to why you’re distancing yourself from him.
Before long, he will start thinking and worrying to himself:
What happened to all the “I love you” messages? What happened to all the “Good morning” calls?
In other words, he will be deeply confused on an emotional level.
In most cases, he will eventually reach out in an attempt to contact you. But it’s a good idea for you to keep some distance from him even at that point.
By doing so, you’re just teaching him that you’re not a woman who he can play with whenever he wants, and throw to the side whenever he feels like it.
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2.
It Breaks His Routines And HabitsIf he’s like most men, he probably has his own set of ways and habits of dealing with troubles in your relationship and getting what he wants from you.
I won’t go into detail about what those patterns were, but you’re definitely familiar with them by now.
If you continue to indulge him, he will simply take you for granted and stop making an effort.
On the other hand, he won’t know what to do if you suddenly change your behavior and give him the silent treatment instead.
All of a sudden, nothing he’s done before will make sense, and he will be left speechless.
And this is the perfect trigger for him to reflect on his actions and reconnect with his deepest feelings for you.
3. It Gives Him The Fear Of Losing You Forever
Let’s face it: Guys generally have short attention spans.
Until this point, he may never have considered losing you before you chose to give him a taste of silence and distance.
It’s easy for a guy to become too distracted and too lost in his thoughts to slow down and think about how important his partner is to him.
And when you’re acting from the kindness of your heart, it’s easy to dedicate your attention to him, treat him with all of your love, and show an eagerness to set aside your problems whenever they arise.
But this only makes it easier for him to take you for granted.
He will only realize his mistake once you start distancing yourself from him and giving him a hint of how difference his life would be like without your love and care.
This fear of loneliness will reignite his feelings for you. And if you do this correctly, you will be able to secure his devotion and “lock-in” his feelings for you.
FREE GUIDE: Make Him Yours FOREVER!Use these easy techniques to “lock-in” a man’s commitment to you, and to make him love you FOREVER!
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4. He Starts Thinking About You Non-Stop
Because he’s not used to the silence and distance that you are treating him to, he will begin to think about you all the time.
He’s used to being well-informed and always updated about you, your location and your plans. But all of a sudden, he’s left in the dark.
During this time, he won’t know what you’re up to, where you are, or with whom, which will drive him crazy.
Throughout the day, he will be itching with curiosity and wondering what you’re doing, if you’ve made any major life changes, and what’s going on with you.
And the more he spirals into his thoughts, the stronger his craving and desire for you will be.
5. He Reflects About The Past
Because your silence and distance will leave him in an emotional state, he will likely begin to investigate everything that occurred in your relationship.
And it won’t take him long to realize what he did wrong to lose you.
He’ll be reflecting on the type of person he was and the type of person you were in your relationship.
He’ll begin overthinking and burdening himself with truly attempting to figure out what happened and what faults he made for the first time.
He’ll come to conclusions about what he could have done better and how your relationship would have evolved if he’d been wise enough to do the correct thing.
He’ll recognise at this time that he should’ve appreciated your words and passion for addressing problems sooner, because your silence and distance irritate him.
6. He Becomes Emotionally Charged
He’ll almost certainly try to contact you, and if you ignore his texts or calls, he’ll become enraged. And it’s no surprise: his ego has been bruised, and he’ll hunt for methods to prove that he can have you.
While this isn’t the emotion that every lady hopes to experience when she tries to win a guy’s heart, it works.
There is often a power struggle in romantic relationships, especially in early and immature ones. This time, you’re demonstrating your strength, which irritates him.
It also demonstrates to him that there is a side of you that he can appreciate: A girl who puts herself first and won’t allow a man play with her heart.
Use these easy techniques to “lock-in” a man’s commitment to you, and to make him love you FOREVER!
Get The Guide Now!
7. He Will Begin To Miss You
One of the best ways to intensify a man’s feelings for you is to withdraw from him and make him miss you.
Silence and distance appeal to men for a variety of reasons.
If you were always there with him, he never had the opportunity to miss you. No matter how much someone loves you, some time apart is sometimes necessary to rekindle the relationship’s fire.
Consider all the ways you made him feel safe and secure… It might feel good for the both of you, but too much can put your relationship in danger too.
On the contrary, he will miss you now that you’re not by his side, and once again feel a craving for you.
He’ll be thinking about everything you did together and all the good things you brought into his life.
He may not feel this way for the first few days, but as time goes, he’ll understand he needs you, which is why it’s crucial for you to be patient when going through with this.
4 Positive Benefits That You Will Get From Some Silence And Distance
1. You Will Let Go Of Negative Energy
You’ll finally feel carefree after so much overthinking, overanalyzing, and attempting to fix your problems.
When you choose the silent treatment as your method of dealing with problems, you’ll find that you can quickly let go of negativity and make room for positive in your life.
You’ll feel healthier, smarter, and more powerful… Everything that has been driving you nuts for weeks, months, or years will now be a distant memory, and the only thing on your mind will be to look after yourself.
2. You Will Focus On Yourself
Get him out of your brain and start doing things that make you happy.
Maybe you’ll rekindle an old interest, resume reading or exercise, or spend more time with your girls whatever it is, it will make you feel like you’ve finally found yourself.
No longer are you concerned with how your boyfriend feels or thinks; instead, you are concerned with what you can do next to make yourself happy and thrilled. Concentrate solely on yourself; this is the only way to achieve success.
There’s always a danger that whatever you’re doing won’t succeed, no matter how hard you try.
There are a few typical blunders that most girls make, and even one of them can significantly reduce your chances of success.
FREE GUIDE: Make Him Yours FOREVER!Use these easy techniques to “lock-in” a man’s commitment to you, and to make him love you FOREVER!
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3. You Will Let Go Of Anger And Resentment
It’s much simpler to think clearly once you’ve removed yourself from a stressful scenario.
You’ll realise that everything that happened between you and your lover makes sense, and you’ll be soothed by this understanding.
4. You Will Reconnect With Your Inner True Self
If you do it well, you’ll have all of this extra time and energy to devote to yourself. If you pay less attention to him, you’ll be astonished at how much more you can get done (and enjoy).
You’ll rediscover who you were before meeting him, which will be really invigorating.
The Types Of Men Who Will Not Respond To The Silent Treatment
Married Men
Marriage necessitates ongoing effort on both sides. The no-contact rule plainly does not apply in this case, just as it is difficult to apply in long-distance relationships.
If you’re facing marital problems, I believe the following advice is the best for you:
Because you can’t entirely cease interacting with your spouse, the “don’t talk to him” section of the rule doesn’t apply to you.
Stop making nasty comments, nagging, asking him to do things for you, lecturing, yelling… and other things like that. You’d be shocked at how good this is for your marriage.
If you’re having serious and troubling issues, I strongly suggest visiting a marriage counsellor and seeking professional guidance.
Stubborn Men
He’ll never contact you since he’s too arrogant. Even if he does, he’ll act like the type of guy who only contacts you to make a point about how much he wants you.
Everything is a power struggle for him, and he will punish you for being cold to him by becoming even colder.
Men Who Have Been Hurt Badly Before
You can’t expect the silent treatment to work if you’re the one who broke his heart and harmed his sentiments.
If you want to work with him, you must be patient, because not contacting him would simply demonstrate that you are unsuitable for him, which is not your purpose.
Insecure Men
He’ll believe he doesn’t deserve you because of his insecurities. He’ll be terrified of rejection, so he won’t contact you to avoid having to deal with it.
Even if he’s the one who committed the mistakes that caused you to employ this strategy, he’ll view your silence as proof that he shouldn’t hope to be with you.
Avoid These 5 Mistakes During A Period Of Silence
1. Don’t Expect To See Results Right Away
You may be too eager to see the results and expect them the same day you begin the silent treatment. But that’s simply not realistic.
Consider it like a diet: Just because you ate well and exercised for a few days doesn’t guarantee your body will alter quickly. It will take some time.
Similarly, it will take time for him to go through all of the stages of dealing with what you’re doing so that he can recognise what’s going on and react.
You’ll also make mistake number two if you become too enthused about seeing results too quickly.
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2. Don’t Get Frustrated Or Desperate
If you don’t see the results you want quickly enough, you may become frustrated and believe the strategy doesn’t work, leading you to revert to your old bad behaviours.
It’s the same as going on a diet.
If you don’t see yourself losing weight, you either revert to eating bad foods and exercising infrequently, or you wallow in self-doubt and negativity, believing you’ll never lose weight, slowing down your progress.
In a relationship, this could mean that you start phoning and texting him again, or that you start commenting on his social media postings, or that you begin to believe that you are unlovable and will never find the proper man for you.
You won’t get far if you’re depressed. Keep an optimistic attitude in mind.
3. Don’t Try To Play The Jealousy Game
It won’t work to actively consider ways to upset him and make him envious. That’s something that should be reserved for immature children who don’t know how to interact with others.
He’ll most likely see right through your ruse, and the entire scheme will backfire.
4. Don’t Bring Up The Past
It isn’t your responsibility to relive what happened that is something you should delegate to him.
You might come to the wrong conclusions if you start overthinking about your past troubles because you miss him and want him back.
You’re on your way to failure, and you’re well aware of it.
There are always exceptions to the norm, even if you do everything flawlessly. Some guys will just not respond to this type of treatment, depending on the conditions.
5. Don’t Obsess Over Him In Your Head
If you merely cut away the communication element, this won’t function. You must make every effort to avoid thinking about him for the duration of this time.
There’s no way you’ll get through this if you’re obsessed with where he is and what he’s doing. The entire procedure will feel like cruel emotional assault, and it will be far too forced to succeed.
Concentrate on yourself, your needs, and spending your time with productive activities.
How To Capture His Heart And Make Him Fall For You
Here’s what we’ve realized after so many years of experience as dating coaches:
It’s really easy to make men fall for you once you know the “cheat code”.
See, most women don’t really know how men think, and why they act the way they do…
In fact, they go through their whole life never meeting the perfect guy who treats them right.
Don’t let this be you!
We’ve taught thousands of girls around the world the special “cheat code” to a man’s heart.
Once you learn the truth about how the male mind works, you can make any man fall in love with you.
Here’s how it works:
There are special tricks you can use to target the “emotional triggers” inside his mind.
If you use them the right way, he will start to feel a deep desire for you, and forget about any other woman in his life…
The best part? These techniques are based on psychology, so they work on any man, no matter how old you are or what you look like.
To learn about these simple techniques, check out this free eBook NOW:
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As women, we understand how you feel.
But no matter what other people say, always remember:
You are an AMAZING woman…
And you deserve an amazing man who loves you, respects you and treats you special.
So start using these special techniques today, and see how quickly men fall in love with you immediately!
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How men survive quarrels: the opinions of psychologists
It is rather naive to believe that the happiest couples are those where there are never quarrels. The main thing is that quarrels should be followed by reconciliation, and the parties should draw conclusions. But there is one catch: it often seems to you that a man, because of a quarrel, is not at all worried like you are. How men experience a quarrel with their beloved woman, let's figure it out.
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Aleksandr Kuznetsov
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You had an argument and you went to the bathroom to cry.
And he turned on the TV and watched football. Do you think that men are going through a quarrel with a woman, or is he insensitive and doesn’t care? In fact, men worry about relationship problems more than women. They just do it their way.
How a man experiences a quarrel: he suffers without close communication
American researchers have suggested what explains the behavior of a man after a quarrel. The main reason for men's mental turmoil after a breakup is that the partner suddenly turns out to be the only person with whom they communicate so closely.
That is, no matter how good his relationship with his mother and friend is, he can fully open his soul only to you. And you, unlike him, are close and frank with friends, parents and your dentist. “It is easier for a woman to satisfy the need for confidential communication. Most men do it with difficulty - they are crushed by fear of intimacy, and openness is mistakenly perceived as a weakness, ”explains psychologist Alexander Kuznetsov.
Therefore, a man experiences a quarrel harder.
Our loved ones can be frank and sincere and at the same time not feel like rags only with us, because for them, so to speak, we are the weaker sex. Moreover, by communication, men do not mean long conversations and shocking confessions. They need more support, trust and silent understanding. If you pay attention to how men behave after a quarrel, you can see that they are noticeably lost.
A man experiences a quarrel more strongly because he underestimated the relationship
There is one small but important clarification in the study of sociologists - men experience quarrels and troubles in a couple more strongly, while enduring a breakup more easily. But, according to the observations of transactional analyst Elena Lazarenko, parting is not easy for them, because usually they do not even know what emotional value the relationship has. “In my experience, men are more likely than women to seek psychological help when an affair is over.
Moreover, in our country, they still visit a psychotherapist much less often, ”she says.
According to the psychotherapist, this happens because men sincerely believe for a long time that the relationship is needed first of all by the partner and, therefore, she should take care of them. But when a breakup occurs, the behavior of a man after a quarrel shows that for them the feeling of emptiness that they begin to experience is a big surprise. Women, on the other hand, are well aware of the value of relationships and even exaggerate it.
“Men often come to me with this confession: “I fought in hot spots, traveled all over the world. I have a prosperous business. I’m not afraid of anything or anyone. with me? I thought we'd break up and everything would be over. And now I can't sleep without her, I can't eat!" - says Elena Lazarenko. - That is, a person who is not aware and does not recognize his emotional needs, as a result, becomes dependent on relationships in which these needs are at least partially satisfied.
Quite often, such behavior of a man after a quarrel is characteristic of Don Juan, constantly changing women, not allowing emotional intimacy with anyone and denying the need for it.”
Difficulties in conversation: men are more likely to endure a quarrel in silence
If we are forbidden to share problems, we will naturally feel more about them. And men almost don’t know how to talk frankly about feelings - and it’s not so easy to understand whether men are experiencing quarrels. At least they don't talk about feelings as well as we do.
In one of the episodes of Sex and the City, Steve explains to Carrie how much Aidan suffered from a quarrel and parting with her: “He didn’t get up from the sofa for a month, and I brought him broth and chicken wings.” “Did he say he was suffering?” “No, guys don't talk about those things. We silently eat wings!”
And we are talking. A lot and for a long time.
We discuss with friends his shortcomings and our own mistakes. It is easier for us to talk about relationships and, therefore, receive support and relieve stress. “If a woman tells her friends that she broke up or quarreled with her partner, they will at least listen to her and ask questions. If a man shares family problems with his friends, most likely he will not receive support, - Elena Lazarenko explains. How does a man deal with a fight? Friends will offer to go to a club or have a drink. Therefore, most men do not talk about feelings - they are sure in advance that empathy will not wait. In addition, they want to remain strong, unsympathetic superheroes at all costs."
Do men experience a quarrel with a woman? Of course, because conflicts in a couple hurt his self-esteem.
Experiencing a quarrel, men cannot cope with the expression of feelings
We can still cry sobbing. Even on people. And it's also a great stress reliever.
How does a man survive a quarrel with a woman? He accumulates experiences in himself. “Sometimes I just envy my girlfriend. She will smash a couple of plates against the wall, cry, and is ready to put up, - Evgeny admits (27). - And I can’t throw dishes or destroy furniture, because I’m stronger, such actions will look like aggression. She's just scared. This is probably why it always takes me much more time than my girlfriend to recover from another conflict.”
How do men behave after a quarrel? One will try to relieve emotional stress in the gym, the other will drown in alcohol, and the third will stare at the TV and wait for it to pass by itself. “Boys are taught from childhood: never cry, you are the future man,” explains Elena Lazarenko. — It is impossible for many of them to show tenderness, fear, sadness, vulnerability.
And therefore, feelings that are difficult to express, men, as a rule, replace them with more familiar and safe ones - anger or aggression.
But often the behavior of a man after a quarrel is even more restrained - they do not express their feelings openly at all and leave emotions clogged deep inside. As a result, this can lead to psychosomatic illnesses, depression, panic attacks.”
Men experience a quarrel more acutely because they get a blow to their self-esteem
“I often quarreled with my first wife. There were occasions every day: who would go for a walk with the dog in the morning, who broke the electric kettle and which one to choose a new one, what to do on the weekend? Our opinions differed literally in everything, - says Anton (32). At first I thought: everything is because we have very little in common. But later I realized that I was literally killed by the fact that I was not an authority for her. Even when choosing a teapot.” How do men survive a quarrel with a beloved woman? Conflicts in a couple greatly hurt a man's self-esteem. Of course, it is also unpleasant for us if our opinion is not listened to or (the worst!) is compared with others.
But for the beloved, conflicts and troubles mean his complete failure in the sphere of love. That is why it is superfluous to ask whether men experience a fight with a woman. “And it’s not easy for someone who is used to considering himself a winner to survive a failure,” explains Alexander Kuznetsov. - For a man, failure in a matter that is significant for him is a much greater blow to self-esteem than for a woman. The concepts of "victory" and "defeat" are much more emotionally charged for him. That’s why men experience a breakup much more acutely and longer.”
It turns out that the stronger sex is stronger than us in everything, including feelings. Men experience a quarrel more painfully, only they will never admit it.
Bonus! How men of different signs of the Zodiac survive a quarrel
The Aries man easily gets inflamed and quickly cools down. You need to put up with it in time so that the stage of indifference does not begin.
Taurus will endure for a long time without going into open conflict, but if this happens, you will not wait for the first step towards reconciliation from him - this man is going through a quarrel like a flint, the initiative should be yours.
Male twins survive a quarrel, acting like nothing happened after saying a lot of hurtful things - but they really do not remember evil. It is easier to put up with such a behavior.
There are legends about the resentment of Cancer men, and you can be sure that he worries no less because of a quarrel. Show him that you are also very, very sad, and he will change his anger to mercy.
The Leo man cuts backhand, blows off steam and is ready to move on. The tense silence is not about them.
How does a Virgo man survive a quarrel? He thinks intensely about the situation and gets to the bottom of the truth. Reconciliation will come quickly: he does not like conflicts.
It is difficult to quarrel with Libra, but if this happens, the man will not survive the quarrel and delve into the situation, preferring to leave the past in the past. He will easily get closer.
A Scorpio man is touchy, vengeful and does not forgive weaknesses, and does not experience a quarrel, but revels in it - this is how he gets an emotional discharge. As you understand, it is better not to quarrel with him initially.
A male Sagittarius will stand his ground to the last, and when experiencing a quarrel, he will scroll through the arguments in his head in his favor. Agree with him, and peace is not far off.
Capricorn-man at the moment of a quarrel closes tightly, and it is impossible to talk to him. it is better to do a joint business, then he will thaw.
Aquarius is patient, but at the same time, any little thing can become a trigger. It is unrealistic to understand how this man is going through a quarrel.
To make peace, show that you are on his side.
Pisces-men are very worried about a quarrel, they are hurt by any little thing. Tenderness and sympathy will help to reconcile.
Text: Ekaterina Babkova
Photo: Fotobank (1)
How men and women experience a breakup: similarities and differences
Psychology
You broke up. Tears at night, favorite series. to distract and intimate conversations with girlfriends. Nostalgia for joint evenings and injections of jealousy at the thought that your ex is already with another. We are always interested in what men feel after a breakup. Psychologists have answered this question.
According to psychologists, women do not fall in love immediately, but gradually, just as gradually he “let go” of his feelings. But in men, falling in love can come quickly, literally, “at first sight.” How do they deal with breakups?
Of course, no two partings are the same.
Many personal factors determine the depth of self-giving and disappointment: how mutual resentment accumulates, how both partners come to a sad decision, react to claims and explanations, how much one is attached to the other, ready to leave her / him, and so on.
But, surprisingly, in the experience of parting, some of the characteristics inherent in a particular sex are revealed. And the underlying reason for these reasons is exclusively evolutionary.
Why women suffer more from breakups
A joint study by Binghamton University and University College London, which surveyed nearly 6,000 participants from 96 countries, found that women suffer more from breakups than men.
The researchers suggested that the prevailing statistics have a direct relationship with evolutionary biology. Women are more selective than men in choosing a partner, because the test of childbearing is not easy and they need to understand for whom to suffer. Initially, women were interested in healthy offspring, which required a father with the appropriate input.
Centuries of evolution have refocused the female mind on other parameters, such as material security or good looks, but legibility has remained the same.
In addition, women invest more mental and emotional energy in relationships. Science has proven that the female brain is more active than the male, especially in the prefrontal cortex, which is associated with the control of impulses, mood and anxiety. The passive mode network of the brain (SPRM), which is responsible for the ability to remember the past and imagine the future, is also more powerfully developed among the representatives of the weaker sex. Thanks to natural talent, women imagine bright pictures of a joint future already on the first date.
Due to the rich imagination, due to the hard work of the brain and the efforts applied to the selection of a partner, a woman feels the pain of loss more than a man. Unjustified expectations break the heart, because the intended bright future collapses along with the relationship.
It is logical to assume that divorce is easier for pessimists - they already suspected that love would not last forever.
Why women recover faster
However, nature's plan, as always, turned out to be just. A study from Binghamton University has confirmed that women not only suffer more from the end of a relationship, but also recover faster.
Initial reactions to the decision to part ways certainly vary. Someone longs to return love, someone tries to keep the cell of society, and someone cuts off the relationship immediately and with the calculation forever. This is exactly what the scientifically confirmed majority actually does. A typical female approach is to cut and move on, break the connection, leave and not look back.
If the relationship didn't work out, what's the point of delving into past feelings? This bad habit can ruin your mood and plans (yes, again!) for the future. Cut and move on, lovers to strangers. Women decisively delete messages, photos, erase the contacts of ex-friends and successfully pretend that they never knew each other.
Longing sufferers for years is a rare phenomenon, an endangered species.
Why men experience separation more easily, but in general suffer longer
- Photo
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As we already know, in the stronger sex of SPRM, emotionality and general brain activity are weaker. Men also do not really think about the prospects. Immediately after parting, they, as a rule, feel free, spread their wings and joyfully look forward to how they will again do what they want and walk where they please.
But the triumph of freedom does not last long (demonic laughter). In the said study, it was revealed that immediately after a breakup, men suffer less intensely than women, but in the end it takes them much longer to get over the consequences of the breakup and leave their ex in the past. Some reflect for years, not daring to take a new chance.
Scientists and then pulled the evolutionary theory. Since the most prehistoric times, men have hunted women, which can still be seen in bars, at parties and, in general, everywhere. And until the need for troglodytes to chase prey disappears for men, the ladies will always have the choice of males. Sorry grooms. This basic instinct gives women an advantage and sets men against each other in the struggle for the feelings of the surrounding nymphs.
Some time after a breakup, men begin to think about what they have lost. They tend to warmly recall the connections that they had, and, regretting, realize how beautiful and unique everything turned out. Longing binds men's hearts even more ruthlessly when they realize that they need to fight again for female affection and re-build an emotional connection. And who wants to hunt, especially if youth passed a couple of decades ago? Men generally don't like being stressed.
Reflection on the past prevents a man from moving on - he is completely or partially stuck in past relationships.
