Lack of emotional support
Is Your Relationship Lacking Emotional Support? Here's How to Fix it.
In a relationship, emotional support is about providing love, acceptance and encouragement to your partner in order to establish a positive foundation for the relationship. Emotional support looks like cheering a partner on when they succeed as well as giving a partner room to make mistakes and lifting them up if/when they fail. In a relationship, it is super important to give and receive emotional support, especially during tough times so that partners feel like they have an emotional safety net and someone to rely on.
A lot of people think that just by being in a romantic relationship that they are offering emotional support to a partner, but that is not necessarily the case. It takes effort to provide emotional support to a partner, and is not an inherent part of romantic relationships.
When relationships lack emotional support, partners often feel distant and as if they cannot discuss emotions with one another. Or as if they are burdening their partner if they do share their emotions. This can lead partners to feel as if they are leading separate lives even though they are in a relationship with one another. It can also cause partners to look for emotional support in the form of other relationships, which can lead to emotional infidelity. A lack of emotional support can lead to emotional infidelity in the most extreme cases, but most of the time, it just leaves partners feeling disconnected.
If you think that you are lacking emotional support in your relationship, try out some of these easy, everyday things that you can do to strengthen the emotional support in your relationship.
Ask questions
If you have known your partner for a long time, you might be out of practice asking them questions about themselves, their day, their life. You may feel as if you know them so well that you don’t need to ask them things like you used to. Or you may feel like you know what’s going on with them because you share a life together.
But it is important to ask your partner questions to show that you care about how they are feeling and what they are up to.
Asking your partner questions also opens up a dialogue in which they can vent, ask you for advice and tell you what’s on their mind. Staying curious about your partner and in tune to what they are feeling will help you cultivate more emotional support in your relationship.
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Practice active listening
When you ask your partner questions, it’s important to listen to their responses!! To improve the emotional support in your relationship, you need to practice active listening. If your partner does express vulnerability and open up to you about something important, or if they are just sharing something about their day, it is important to make space for them and hear them out.
If you practice active listening, your partner will feel more encouraged to share things with you because they know that you are engaged with them and what they are talking about. Practicing active listening will validate your partner’s feelings and cause them to feel more emotionally supported in the relationship.
Respect their feelings
If and when your partner does share their feelings with you, it’s important to respect their feelings. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings, and even if you don’t agree with how they are processing their emotions, it is important to support them either way! Like we mentioned before, it is important to support your partner during the highs and lows of the relationship, even if you don’t understand where they are coming from. Respecting your partner (even though you have a different point of view) will foster emotional closeness and help provide emotional support in the relationship.
More physical touch
Focusing on the five different love languages is a great way to cultivate more emotional support in your relationship.
While everyone has a preference for one or a few of the love languages (physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service and giving/receiving gifts), everyone can appreciate being shown emotional support through each of the love languages. A great way to show your partner emotional support is to increase the amount of physical touch in your relationship. Physical touch does not necessarily need to be sexual, but it can be a shoulder squeeze to show solidarity, a kiss on the check on your way out the door or a massage after a long day of work.
Sharing physical touch will help you feel connected with your partner, which can facilitate conversation that improves emotional connection and support. Physical touch is a great way to show emotional support especially if you struggle with sharing your emotions in a verbal way. Sometimes physical touch is enough to make your partner feel seen and supported in the relationship.
Give small gifts
Another way to use love languages to create emotional support in your relationship is to give your partner little gifts from time to time.
Giving gifts to congratulate a partner on an accomplishment or giving a gift to raise your partner’s spirits when they are having a bad day demonstrates to your partner that you see them and want to support them no matter what. When you give your partner a gift, it does not need to be something expensive or extravagant. But it should be something that shows that you really know them. Whether it’s picking up their favorite candy bar, sending them their favorite flowers, ordering food from their favorite restaurant, showing your partner you love them through giving a small gift (of something that they really like and appreciate) will help them feel emotionally supported in the relationship.
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Be kind in public
Another great way to show emotional support to your partner is to be extra kind to them in public.
Showing your partner affection, complementing them, gassing them up will make them feel appreciated and valued. You should of course be doing this in private too, but something about a public compliment or being extra nice around your partner’s friends and family will make them feel like they are valued and emotionally supported. This is especially true if your partner does not have a lot of support from other people in their lives.
Modeling emotionally supportive behavior when you are around other people could help encourage them to mirror this behavior as well. Being kind doesn’t just relate to verbal kindness, non-verbal kindness is also super important. Holding doors open for your partner, getting them a present when you are out together, helping them with something in public are all great ways to show emotional support.
Give compliments
When you are being kind in public and or in private, make sure to compliment your partner! Will non-verbal acts of kindness are great and can really resonate, compliments are also a great way to show emotional support.
In addition to commenting on a nice outfit or a great hair day, it’s important to compliment your partner on things other than physical appearance. Offer compliments on their decision making, a project they accomplished, how they handled a difficult situation, etc., etc.
Giving your partner compliments shows them that you are paying attention to what they are doing in addition to showing them that they support them through thick and thin. Sometimes hearing one nice thing can completely turn your day around. Don’t take for granted how powerful a simple compliment can be in growing your connection to your partner and cultivating emotional support in your relationship.
Go out of your way when your partner is having a bad day
While it’s important to be emotionally supportive on good days, it’s especially important to be emotionally supportive when your partner is having a bad day. Being in tune with your partner’s feelings and recognizing when they are having a bad day is a great first step in establishing more emotional support.
Recognizing a bad day and going above and beyond to support your partner will demonstrate that you are there for them no matter what. This will help establish more trust in your relationship, which will help your partner feel more willing to open up and share things with you.
When your partner is having a bad day, it’s important to recognize that there is not always something that you can fix. And that they might not really want you to try and fix it or even offer solutions. Sometimes emotional support just means being a good listener when they want to share what’s on their mind. Or helping them out with a project that is stressing them out. Or offering to make dinner or pick up food so that they have one less thing to deal with that day. Emotional support is all about listening to what your partner needs. Showing up when your partner is not at their best is one of the most important ways to show that you will always be there to support them.
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By Caitlin Killoren on Jun 29, 2021
With a degree in Psychology and over a decade of experience, Caitlin has made improving people's relationships both her career and her passion. Her work has been featured in publications like Bustle, Well + Good, and Goalcast, and she currently resides in Austin, Texas with her husband and giant fluffy dog, Remy.
Does your relationship lack emotional support? Here’s what you need to do
| Listen to this article |
Are you someone who’s in a relationship, and yet feels the absence of emotional support? Well, it’s not just you—there are many people who feel this way.
But before we help you out, we need you to understand what emotional support really means. It’s all about providing love, support, reassurance and encouragement to your partner. This comes particularly important when you are stressed or sad, and it provides a positive foundation for both partners.
Signs that a relationship lacks emotional support
You need to be able to identify issues, before you find the solution. Here are a few signs that will help you know if your relationship lacks emotional support:
1. You and your partner feel distant
If you and your partner aren’t talking enough as you would, you are bound to feel emotionally distant. If there’s any issue, you must speak it out, instead of suppressing it within. That’s because if it continues, your relationship will weaken even more!
2. You don’t talk about your emotions
And this brings us to one of the most important pillars of any relationship — communication. If you and your partner can’t be fully honest with each other about your feelings and emotions, your relationship is only going to go downhill.
3. You are leading separate lives
It is quite possible that you both have drowned yourself in work, but if you don’t spend time with each other even when you’re free, then it’s a cause for concern. In case you don’t feel like being around them or feel uncomfortable being yourself, then the relationship is sure to lack emotional intimacy.
4. You struggle to listen to each other
It is possible that you have frequent conversations, but if you aren’t actively listening to what the other person says, then your relationship is not going to last in any way.
5. You are not physically intimate
If you and your partner aren’t physically intimate, it’s a huge sign that there’s something wrong. For instance, even if you try and initiate physical contact, but they don’t respond, you need to have an open chat with them to know what’s going on in their mind.
How to improve emotional support in your relationship
Now that you know the signs, it’s important to know ways in which you can improve this aspect of your relationship:
Ask questions
One of the most important ways to support your partner is to listen to them and ask questions.
This will make them feel that you’re interested in what they’re speaking about. Also, while listening, make sure to give them your undivided attention.
Validate their feelings
Listening to them is a good start, but you must be able to provide them with a safe space, where they feel heard. You don’t have to be judgmental in any way. Instead, reassure them that their feelings are normal, and do not criticise them.
Show up for them
If your partner tells you that they need more emotional support, be there for them. Ask questions and help them analyse the situation. Remember you are not there to fix problems, but to show compassion and empathy.
Support your partner in public
You might think showing emotional support is only done behind closed doors, but you can also do it in public. Compliment your partner in front of others; it will help them feel good about themselves.
Share your feelings
Like we said, communication is one of the most important pillars of a strong relationship. So, let your partner know what you feel, ask them to open up, and do not hide your true feelings from each other. Trust us, it will help a great deal!
Lack of emotional support. How to stop loading your brain and start living
Lack of emotional support
The beliefs in this cluster are that people who are of some value in your life will not be able to provide you with emotional support because they are unstable, they may die or simply walk away from you, leave or reject you.
CLUSTER BELIEFS
- I have no emotional support.
- It seems to me that the people I love will soon disappear. nine0003
- Close people will leave me.
- Really important relationships never last long.
- I know that I will be lonely anyway.
- If I say what's on my mind, people will leave me.
- I am worried that I will lose people close to me.
- My loved ones are completely unpredictable.
- I don't know when a loved one will become angry or self-absorbed.
– Getting close to others is so difficult.
- You never know when your loved ones will leave you. nine0003
- I won't be loved for a long time anyway.
- Everyone will leave me anyway.
- I'll be lonely anyway.
- Building relationships is completely useless, they end anyway.
- I'm just unlucky and everyone leaves me.
- I'm afraid that people who are really important to me will go to someone else.
- It's always like this with me - people come into my life and leave the same way.
- Nobody stays long in my life. nine0003
- I am not worthy of having a long-term relationship with me.
- I can't get close to others because I don't know when they will leave me.
- It hurts me when people move away from me.
- When a loved one moves away from me, I feel hopeless.
- I cling to people so much in fear that they will leave that I push them away.
- I am afraid of being abandoned, and I try to do everything to cling to a person. nine0003
- I can't trust anyone - he can leave me.
- I deserve to be abandoned.
- They will leave me anyway, so all attempts to start a relationship are useless.
- I feel alone and lost when others push me away.
- I need my partner to prove all the time and promise that he will not leave.
- If I do not receive constant confirmation that a loved one will not leave, I suffer.
- I am very afraid of being rejected or abandoned.
- For some reason my partners are always unstable or unavailable: they are afraid of obligations, they are afraid of relationships that bind them, they live in other cities, alcoholics, criminals, mentally unstable.
- I easily get jealous.
- I often get jealous and demand proof of fidelity.
- I become furious with my partner if it seems to me that he is unfaithful or wants to leave.
- It's very difficult for me to get close to someone. nine0003
- If I get close to someone, I am sure that this person will leave.
- I always feel tension and apprehension in relationships.
- When my partner is not with me, even for a short time, I feel tension, loneliness and fear.
- I demand that my partner be with me as much as possible.
- I must always know where my partner is.
- In childhood, one of the parents left or died.
- As a child, one of the parents was a tyrant, an alcoholic, had depression, mental illness, or worked long or far. nine0003
- My parents often separated.
- My parents were constantly at war with each other, and all the time it seemed that they would get divorced.
- I was overprotected as a child, and I was afraid of an independent life.
This text is an introductory fragment.
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Below the emotional poverty line If speech processes in psychopaths are bilateral, that is, under the control of both hemispheres of the brain, it is quite possible that other thought processes, for which only one hemisphere is responsible in normal people, are also bilateral. nine0003
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Research conducted by Ledoux and other neurologists now seems to suggest that the hippocampus, for a long time
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Its purpose is to help release the nine basic emotional states that we fall into every day: apathy, sadness, fear, lust, anger, pride, courage, acceptance, and
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Lack of community and family support Most of us no longer live next to relatives: society is built in such a way as to separate us. As soon as we become adults, we find that there are no jobs nearby and it is easier to build a career the farther we go. nine0003
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Does Physical Pain Relieve Emotional Pain? Joan suffered from severe back pain, which made her almost incapacitated - she could not work. Joan was on disability. She shared with me that although she had to endure pain, there was also something good in her
No emotional support from boyfriend0169 October 29, 2021, 10:33#2
#3
9000 #4
Guest
Why- then there is no beginning of the story
Hello! I would like help and advice. Especially from those who have been in this situation
I, like all people, have ups and downs, black and white stripes.
And I need support. Enough to meet after a hard day, drink coffee and say that all the goats, and I'm smart. And all this will pass. I'm not asking you to move mountains, solve problems for me. You can not even delve into, just listen and forget. And I don't whine every day. The period now is just like that, when at work it’s a madhouse, nerves are on edge, you want to be a little weak and complain. nine0189 I have already said that this is the best path to healing. She also asked him to express how to support him. All on a reciprocal basis.
But I'm bad here, because my head hurts, and at work ***, and in general everyone is against me attitude towards yourself and not solving a problem that could turn out to be an even bigger problem - this is bullshit ... Well, these are generally the boundaries of personal and respect. Just grinding, nothing more, not negative), and then
#5
Guest
It's just that your boyfriend doesn't love you.
?
#6
Guest
Therefore, I am raising many questions that in the future may spoil relations, since they have remained unexplained.
And emotional support is one of them. nine0003
#7
#8
Choose the people you want
If such a cold person does not suit you, then why do you need it?
#9
Guest
Yeah. does not love, or the person himself is such. Both that and the other are not very good. nine0003
#10
Guest
Why are you still with him?
#11
Guest
For some reason there is no beginning of the story
Hello! I would like help and advice.
Especially from those who have been in this situation
I, like all people, have ups and downs, black and white stripes. And I need support. Enough to meet after a hard day, drink coffee and say that all the goats, and I'm smart. And all this will pass. I'm not asking you to move mountains, solve problems for me. You can not even delve into, just listen and forget. And I don't whine every day. The period now is just like that, when at work it’s a madhouse, nerves are on edge, you want to be a little weak and complain. nine0189 I have already said that this is the best path to healing. She also asked him to express how to support him. All on a reciprocal basis.
But I'm bad here, because my head hurts, and at work ***, and in general everyone is against me attitude towards yourself and not solving a problem that could turn out to be an even bigger problem - this is bullshit ... Well, these are generally the boundaries of personal and respect. Just grinding, nothing more, not negative), and then
#12
Guest
It's just that your boyfriend doesn't love you.
?
#13
Guest
So I already doubt why I need it. We had a quarrel, where he made a lot of conclusions (in extreme cases, there are correspondence to sometimes look at them and assess whether he really made conclusions). And one of the points was that some problems were due to the lack of attention and communication between us, that he did not hear my requests and problems. nine0189 And here it turns out that all these conclusions are made on the basis of other problems. And my problems (especially the reaction to some difficulties) are only my problems, but he does not see anything serious and does not understand why I am so nervous about them
#15
Guest
Says he loves.
But I am a man of action. Words can be put in one place. Yes, and he is not a particularly emotional person. A little secretive, he keeps emotions and experiences in himself, and then there is a big badaboom, where the roof is blown away from experiences ...
I don't feel supported, I'm no longer sure that I can come home, and there they will wait, wrap me in a blanket and leave me alone. On my own, and not because I demand such an attitude towards myself. And I already said it. Clearly, without emotion.
#16
Guest
I love you.
Therefore, I am raising many questions that in the future may spoil relations, since they have remained unexplained.
And emotional support is one of them. nine0003
#17
Guest
It is a very big misconception to think that if you constantly whine and hysteria, you will continue to be loved.
#18
Guest
Can you give examples? Are you really overreacting? We don't know. Maybe you throw a tantrum for 3 hours over a broken nail
#19
Guest
No, I have a boyfriend, he tolerates any of my tantrums and insults, he always hugs me when I want and when I don't want, because he loves me.
#20
Guest
Can you give examples? Are you really overreacting? We don't know. Maybe you're throwing a tantrum for 3 hours over a broken nail0003
Nobody likes whiners
#22
Guest
This is a certain type of parenting.
I have a husband like that. But with me, he became more emotional in 6 years.
But the fact that he is trying to convince you that emotions are not important is bad. At the same time, he himself shows the same emotions, as I understand it?
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#23
#24
Guest
This is a certain type of parenting.
I have a husband like that. But with me, he became more emotional in 6 years.
But the fact that he is trying to convince you that emotions are not important is bad. At the same time, he himself shows the same emotions, as I understand it?
#25
1 165 answers
The man immediately warned that all property was recorded on children
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Such a salary - I do not want to work
587 of the responses
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Husband left, 2 months of depression... How will you cope if you are left all alone?
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#27
Guest because he loves me.
#28
If you have an endless stream of problems, then you go to a consultation with a psychologist - that's exactly what he exists for, to drain the whining.
#29
Guest
I just can't figure it out.
Do you think it is necessary to pour out every emotion on the head of others?
Here the author came home in the evening and a stream of negativity began, oh my head hurts, oh garbage at work, oh my colleagues are fools .
.....
And a man who probably had an equally difficult day, should he accept all this negativity?
#30
Guest
Hi, how did you fall in love with him then?) Love is support, care, etc. nine0003
#31
#32
Thank you so much!
I look at the parents, where dad is just eager to do something for mom. He himself rushes to her, initiates the same dinner, meetings, help. And mom pays him the same, but already as she herself knows how. And they are good together. There is no division "so, I already invited you to go for a walk so many times. And don't care that you couldn't once. There was an initiative.
Now it's your turn. "...
And it annoys me. For some reason, he does not notice my initiatives, and covers up his jambs "you only see the bad ... And don't care that it was a long time ago. It was the same"
After some time, even the most loving person will get tired of all this
#34
Quiz Well, if you whined, two .... you are already being told in plain text that you are a fool and tired of whining. nine0003
If you have an endless stream of problems, then you go for a consultation with a psychologist - that's exactly what he exists for, to drain the whining.
#35
Guest
Optional. And it doesn't have to be every day.
Plus it depends on the pitch. I don't drown him in negativity every day and every time. But to say that everyone is at work and that I am always positive, that I don’t need any support ... So the flask will whistle. nine0189 Alas, there are ups and downs everywhere. And the internal resource for fun may not be enough. And one needs to know this. And even if I don’t say everything, why can’t I count on comfort in the form of a cup of tea, a blanket and peace at such moments?
#36
Guest
The current state of affairs in your relationship is unenviable. A woman is an emotional being and needs to say things that disturb her / make her angry / upset, thereby getting rid of the negative. Here are the thoughts of one well-known family psychologist:
- listen to YOUR woman a little every day, and not wait for her "faucet" to blow off and a tantrum happen;
- strong relationships are built on intimacy (friendship), physical intimacy (passion) and responsibility.
The first component, as I understand it, is limping ...
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#37
#38
Guest
Do you like being bullied??? Go away, you're like in prison...
#39
#40
Guest
It remains to gather and take this step
#41
Guest
find yourself a vest friend.
and cry there #42
Guest
live with one - sleep with another? Brilliant and modern👍
That's why people write such stupid advice, allegedly changed and you change, you don't like it, get a lover, etc. What's wrong with you all?#43
Guest
He is not an emotional person. Restrained, shoves emotions inside himself. And then sometimes it starts "but it seemed to me that you ...." And away we go.
And he's kind of good at shielding me from his problems and complaints, even though there were situations where my help could have helped a lot. I would not have suffered, but felt needed#44
Guest
My husband is very similar to yours.
But I gave birth very quickly after marriage. I also wanted to be a married woman. Therefore, I figured out my husband very late. I do not believe that the conversations of such a person can be made sincere and emotional. If you have children, then it makes sense to weigh all the pros and cons of your marriage. Then decide to leave or not. If there are no children, then it is wiser to leave. A modern woman is more likely to cope with her problems without having a man with such a difficult character next to her. nine0189 If it is not possible to leave, then share your grief with your friends, with mom, dad, etc. You should not expect warmth from your man. He gives you what he can give. #45
Guest
You wrote everything correctly, from the height of your mistakes, so to speak. They met, got married, gave birth, and from whom? and hell knows... This is the main mistake of modern women, unfortunately.
After all, there are those who will love you to the last breath and with whom you will be happy, and not forced to endure. ... As a result, you are unhappy, your person is unhappy, because he does not have you ... But on the topic of the author, you correctly stated everything. In addition to advice with crutches ... nine0003 #46
Guest
Do you like being bullied or something??? Go away, you're like in prison...
#47
By itself
And what will happen? Another man who turns out to be exactly the same. We are different. Women live with feelings and emotions: they rejoice, they are upset, they cry, they laugh. Men don't understand emotions, they understand actions. So, when you talk about a problem at work, he is not even interested in listening.
