I think im broken

7 Things To Remember When You Feel Broken Inside

I have been broken many times in my life. I have had life deliver blows that have knocked me to the ground. The pain and the feelings of hopelessness and despair have consumed my life for many months. I wondered if I would ever survive this, or if I would live a life where I felt happy and safe. Slowly, over time, my life got better and I got stronger.

Now when I look back, I realize that these events, though they were painful at the time, were the catalysts for me to change my life. Now I am living my life doing what I love – writing, speaking and coaching.

For us to live our lives to the fullest, the only way we can achieve this is by overcoming the challenges that life throws at us. We have to experience the pain, the betrayal, the adversity, the feelings of hopelessness and the despair in life, because how else do we learn about who we are?

There is no other way for us to learn how to be resilient, courageous, hopeful and optimistic about life and our future.

Though we do not like it, everyone feels broken at some point in their life journey. Often when we find ourselves at this place of despair, we do not know what to do and so we can end up living our life through our fear, regret, pain, disillusionment and sadness. This is not the way our lives are meant to be lived.

When you feel demotivated, try the free Fast-Track Class – Activate Your Motivation, a free session that will help you find your drive for life so you will not lose motivation again easily.

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When you are feeling broken inside, remember these 7 things as they will help you discover your courage and build your resilience so that you can step out and embrace the joy of living a life you love.

1. Remember to Accept and Anticipate Change

“It is not the most intellectual of the species that survives; it is not the strongest that survives; but the species that survives is the one that is able best to adapt and adjust to the changing environment in which it finds itself. ” — Dr Leon C. Megginson

In today’s world of constant change, it is hard to hold on to who you are and manage the complexity and unpredictability of life. The one constant thing in our lives today is change.

Instead of fighting the inevitability of change, learn how to accept it. Embrace change and know that by doing this your life can only get better.

Resisting change will fuel the negative energy that keeps you feeling broken and discouraged about life.

2. Remember to Embrace Your Power Of Choice

“Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.” — Kevyn Aucion

Using your power of choice will enable you to change your approach to life from one where you languish in pain to one where you flourish with joy and hope.

Using your power of choice empowers and strengthens your ability to take action and to make decisions.

Your power of choice is a gift that you have within you that if you choose to use, will transform your life.

3. Remember to Ask For Help

“Asking for help does not mean that we are weak or incompetent. It usually indicates an advanced level of honesty and intelligence.” Anne Wilson Schaef

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. When we are feeling so broken inside, we want to hide away from the world. Sometimes, it is because we feel embarrassed, or we believe that people won’t understand what we are going through.

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The support, advice and encouragement from others helps us to overcome adversity and solve problems in our life.

It is the energy and wisdom from friends, family and supporters that fuels our courage and our desire to take action to change our lives for the better.

4. Remember to Be Present

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” — Mother Teresa

Your thoughts fuel how you feel about your life. When you feel broken in your life, it will be your negative thoughts that dictate your feelings of sadness, disillusionment and unhappiness. When you feel joy and happiness, your positive thoughts of hope and self belief will support more of these feelings.

The key to managing your negative thoughts is to practice trying to distance yourself from these thoughts and observe them rather than react automatically to them.

Identify those thoughts that will draw you in and create confusion and inertia within you. Accept that these thoughts do not serve you well and work towards having more control over them.

Label the type of thought you are having rather than paying attention to its content. Observe your thoughts and if you notice a thought that is judging (how good or bad the situation is), label it “judging”.

If you are criticizing yourself for doing something wrong, then label that thought “criticizing”. Then, ask yourself how long you want to spend criticizing and blaming yourself. My suggestion is that you spend zero time doing this activity.

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Some tips for you: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying

5. Remember to Focus on What Brings You Joy

“Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain” — Joseph Campbell

When you are feeling despair, frustration and hopelessness, it is easy to forget the good things that are happening in your life. In fact, if you are consumed by negativity, you will start to believe that there is nothing good in your life.

Focusing on what in your life is good and what brings you joy is an important step to you changing your life. The more you focus on the good in your life, the more hopeful you become.

Positivity and hope are contagious and the more you celebrate this, the better you will feel about your life. Here’re some inspirations for you: 32 Things You Should Be Grateful For

6. Remember to Be Hopeful about Your Future

“The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time” — Abraham Lincoln

It is understandable that when you feel broken in life, you can become consumed by the concern that this is what your life will be like forever. It is very hard to be hopeful about the future when you feel so much pain and heartache. However, your pain and heartache will not heal you and deep down inside, you want to be healed – you just don’t know how.

For me, when I felt broken in my life, the one thing that helped me on my journey of healing was to try and keep hopeful about my future. It was important for me to keep perspective on the fact that what was happening in my life at the time was not a part of my future life. That tiny bit of hope I had about my future was enough for me to slowly start to heal — step by step.

7. Remember to Accept That Life Is a Mystery

“The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved; it is a reality to be experienced” — Jacobus Johannes Leeuw

Life is a funny thing and the more we fight and resist it, the harder it is to live our life. Accepting and embracing the mystery of life allows us to heal and look at our pain as only one chapter of many chapters in our life.

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Life throws us curve balls. It tests us and challenges us. We survive and thrive in life by embracing these challenges so that we can grow and live courageous and resilient lives.

When we feel broken inside, we need to remember that this is part of our journey and that there is no escaping the pain. We just have to work our way through the pain and despair.

Instead of fighting and questioning life and blaming yourself for how you feel, take a deep breath and remember that life is a mystery. Do not make the moments of despair and unhappiness in your life as foundations for how you will live your life forever.

Your role in life is to embrace it – the good the bad and the ugly and to live your life to its fullest – so go live it!

“Ester asked why people are sad. “That’s simple,” says the old man. “They are the prisoners of their personal history. Everyone believes that the main aim in life is to follow a plan. They never ask if that plan is theirs or if it was created by another person. They accumulate experiences, memories, things, other people’s ideas, and it is more than they can possibly cope with. And that is why they forget their dreams.” – Paul Coelho, The Zahir.

More Tips About Living the Life You Want

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People
How to Be Happy Again: 13 Simple Ways to Shake off Sadness Now
How to Have Happy Thoughts and Train Your Brain to Be Happy

Featured photo credit: J’Waye Covington via unsplash. com

Characteristics Of A Broken Person—Love When You Feel Emotionally Broken — Kim Salyer, LMFT

Dec 22

Written By Kimberly Salyer

If you’re feeling emotionally broken after a traumatic experience, you’re not alone. Many people who have been abused feel broken and incapable of being in a romantic and intimate relationship. But just because you’ve gone through something difficult and come out on the other side doesn’t make you broken. It makes you strong.

There are several characteristics of someone who feels like a broken person. You may identify with some or all of these. I want you to know that while you may feel broken, you aren’t. People are not “broken” or “fixed.” We all exist on an emotional spectrum.

Just because something terrible happened to you that makes it hard for you to get close to people doesn’t mean that you are broken or that something is wrong with you. But for the sake of using language that resonates, I’ll reference the characteristics of a broken person and what it feels like to be emotionally broken. But I want to emphasize that you are none of those things.

Hi, I’m Kim Salyer, a trauma therapist in Pleasanton specializing in trauma. Let’s dive in.

Characteristics of Someone Who Feels Like a Broken Person

People who feel emotionally broken have low-self esteem and tend to be unhappy. You may feel hopeless or in despair . Perhaps you feel inadequate or unworthy of love. Of course, none of these things are true, but they’re common for people who believe they are broken.
Some other characteristics of a broken person are having toxic beliefs about dating, love, and sex. You may get upset when you see people who are happy and in love. You might see potential romantic partners as opponents. People who feel emotionally broken would rather be alone than burden others with their brokenness.

Often people who think they’re broken are afraid. Maybe you’re afraid no one will find you attractive. Or just the opposite – what if someone does find you attractive, then what do you do? There’s also fear that if someone gets to know the “real you” they’ll run away or hurt you.

You may be insecure and choose romantic relationships or dates based on what you think other people expect from you and not what you actually want. Maybe you don’t know what you want because you’re afraid that you’re not enough for anyone.

If you’ve experienced abuse of any kind you may, understandably, have commitment issues. You may also have had to defend yourself verbally or physically in previous relationships. This can lead to a pattern of becoming abusive towards others.

These characteristics of a broken person are all a result of what happened to you. The part that matters is what you do next. If you find yourself feeling any of these things, it’s important that you seek counseling to help assuage your fears, increase your self-esteem, and help you work through the emotional aftermath of abuse so that you can have healthy relationships.

Signs You Are Not Emotionally Broken

I understand that the characteristics of a broken person I’ve laid out may resonate loudly with you. But now it’s time to look at all the signs that you’re not emotionally broken. And if you’re not there yet, these are things to aspire to and work on in emotional trauma therapy.

You’re not emotionally broken if you’re willing to be open to the possibility of love. You’re able to be vulnerable with another human being despite being afraid that they’ll run away from you. You still have the ability to love, no matter what difficulties you’ve been through.

Despite the trauma you’ve endured, and however you’ve responded to trauma so far, you are able to communicate your needs and desires to another person. You’re able to talk about what happened to you, whether it’s with a counselor, a friend, or a significant other.

You’re able to communicate your needs, especially when it comes to physical intimacy if you’ve been sexually abused, and talk to your partner about what does and doesn’t work for you. You can communicate when you feel overwhelmed, have a flashback, or start to dissociate. You allow other people in, despite feeling emotionally broken.

Falling in Love With a Damaged Person

I don’t like calling anyone “damaged,” but many of my clients believe that they are. If you feel damaged and broken, you may not see that you are worthy of love. But there are plenty of people who do love you. If you let them in, you might just find love more easily than you thought.

For people who are falling in love with someone who believes they are damaged and broken, it’s important to think about a few things. You need to be able to tell the person who thinks they’re broken that you accept them for who they are. Be willing to share your deepest, darkest secrets and fears with that person in order for them to trust you completely.

Listen to them without judgment when they tell you why they think they’re broken. Show that you’re willing to be there for them no matter what, no matter how difficult things may get.

It’s not going to be easy. You’ll need to have a lot of patience. You might need to wait longer than you would like for physical or emotional intimacy.

Make sure to let your partner who feels they are emotionally broken know that you love all of them, not just the parts they think are good. Make it clear that while you see and hear them, none of what happened to them was their fault and that you don’t begrudge them for symptoms of PTSD or any trauma triggers that occur during the relationship.

Give them space while still letting them know that you’re there when they need you. Show them with your actions, not just words, that you accept them for who they are. Demonstrate that you are falling or are in love with the person they are, not the horrible things that happened to them

How Does a Broken Person Heal?

The first step to healing from trauma is to talk about what happened to you. Attend emotional trauma therapy. Talk to friends, family, and your romantic partner. Start learning to love yourself for who you are.

With help, you can realize that you aren’t actually broken. Something bad happened to you that caused you to disconnect from the world and feel so much pain that you didn’t know how to connect with someone else.

You’ll heal with time. Having a partner who is patient, kind, and understanding of all your hang-ups and difficulties, once you’ve let them in, will also be healing. Going through difficult moments, such as a sexual trigger if you’ve been sexually assaulted, and still coming out on the other side with your partner, who is still there, loving and holding you, will make you so much stronger.

You can heal from trauma that has left you feeling emotionally broken. I’m here to help. Contact me to set up a free 20-minute consultation. Together we’ll help set you up for success in relationships and all the aspects of your life that feel broken.

Kimberly Salyer

"I don't want to die, but I can't live on." What is modern depression

Tina Beradze
doctor, psychiatrist, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, mentor

October 27, 2019

Author of the photo, Unsplash On the one hand, people say that they suffer from depression when they are in a bad mood or when they do not see a way out of some life situation. On the other hand, we, doctors, are afraid of this term, because for us depression is a devastating disease.

Depression is not a way to describe your mood today, it's a disease. Sadness is normal, depression is dangerous.

Depression is prevalent worldwide, affecting more than 300 million people. And these data relate only to civilized countries, where the diagnosis of diseases works correctly and real statistics of diseases are kept.

My own patient described the struggle with depression most accurately: "I don't want to die, but I can't go on living."

Ukraine is among the "leaders" in terms of suicide rates
What to do when it seems that the whole world is against you

A global epidemic

Many experts already regard depression as a global epidemic. If we analyze the last four generations of mankind, then with each subsequent number of people suffering from depression, it increases by 25%.

Depression develops as a result of the interaction of social, psychological and biological factors. These factors change and are supplemented along with the development of a person and the environment in which it exists. In addition, today environmental, technological and informational factors are superimposed on all this.

Researchers in the field of anthropology and cross-cultural psychiatry have put forward a new theory: humanity simply did not have time to evolve following technological changes, and, as a result, our body is constantly in a state of stress. And depression is our "old" brain's response to a "new" life.

Image copyright Unsplash

In one of the unique cases in my practice, a patient asked me: "Give me back my depression." I was very proud that I was able to cure him: in his depression, he hid and rested from the world.

An acute reaction of the psyche to stress is toxic to the body. The hormonal background comes into a state of imbalance, the number of diseases that previously occurred much less frequently increases.

Civilization has given rise to new and modified old diseases. Diabetes, atherosclerosis, asthma, allergies, obesity, oncology - they have been diagnosed more often in recent years. And depression is accompanied by anxiety disorders.

We are not used to indoor strength training, fast food, poor sleep, social isolation. Recent research also clearly demonstrates that replacing real-life communication with social networking and continuous access to information significantly increase the risk of depression.

Image copyright Unsplash

I hate to write a depressing article about depression. Outside the window - the time of progress and scientific discoveries, when you do not need to trepan the skull to understand what is in a person's head. Today, depression can be seen in modern digital images. They compare blood flow, oxygen consumption and glucose metabolism in the normal state of the brain and during depression.

Depression can be dealt with. To do this, you need to know the main symptoms and understand when and to whom you should seek help.

In traditional medicine, the term "depression" is used to mean a painful state of low background mood, which is manifested by typical symptoms of an emotional nature. Unfortunately, in modern life everything is more complicated.

Depression is the most human disease known to science. Its symptoms have evolved along with the change in a person's life.

Emotional-cognitive symptoms

Negative image of oneself and the world around
Negative vision of the future
Automatic negative thoughts
Drawing up mood, Tetuity
Feelings to other
increased anxiety
Reduced concentration
Loss of interest in life, beloved classes
Social insulation

Physiological symptoms

Sleep disturbance, insomnia or increased sleepiness
Feeling tired
Sharp fluctuations in weight
Reducing or increased appetite
Violation of sexual function
Problems with intestines
Low back pain

Depending on the number of symptoms and the duration of such episodes, a depressive disorder can be classified as mild, moderate or severe.

When symptoms are sporadic, occur infrequently and for a short period of time, this can still be controlled by changes in lifestyle and social environment.

Exercise, fresh air, increased omega-3 fatty acids in the diet, prevention of inflammation, sun and good sleep successfully prevent the further development of depression.

Positive social connections, support groups, conversations with a psychoanalyst friend, meditation, creative activity, charity also provide a positive influence.

The words "Pull yourself together", kittens on the Internet, statuses with quotes by Paulo Coelho and Pushkin's poems about autumn at this - easy - stage no longer work.

Image copyright Unplash

If you have one or more symptoms from each group and they last more than two weeks, then it's time to see a doctor.

Yes, yes. Go to a psychiatrist so that, due to shyness and prejudice, not to bring depression to a clinical and chronic form.

Of course, you can turn to an analyst or "coach". But then you might as well treat your diabetes with the director of a sugar factory, or go to church to lower your cholesterol.

Alternative methods of alcohol therapy - even when it comes to mild and moderate depression - also do not work. According to its chemical characteristics, alcohol is an antidepressant. But its consumption gives only a short-term result (several hours), has a huge number of side effects and is addictive.

The effectiveness of cannabis in depression has not yet been scientifically confirmed and has not been proven in practice, although such studies are underway.

It is very important not to bring the matter to a severe form of depression, when it is already too late to analyze and treat a person - he already needs to be saved. In our country, people often seek help already at that stage in the development of the disease, when the primary methods of treatment no longer work.

The main problem with depression is that it is a unique illness. Both the soul and the body are sick at the same time. Even among specialists, few people see the full picture of the disease.

Image copyright Unsplash

The symptoms of depression have been disassembled, distributed among different specializations and treated by different specialists. Sexual dysfunction - sexologists, headache - neurologists, etc. As a rule, this approach works, but not in the case of depression.

After analyzing the symptoms, a bad mood remains, which psychologists and therapists try to deal with with an analytical approach.

In case of mild depression, they can advise lifestyle changes and quality monitoring - sometimes this can improve the patient's condition. But when it comes to moderate or severe clinical depression, such specialists will no longer help, since they rarely have knowledge in the field of anatomy, physiology, biochemistry, medicine and cannot interact with doctors of other specialties. Therefore, the treatment of depression should be prescribed and accompanied by a psychiatrist.

The usual therapy for a depressed patient is psychotherapy combined with medication. The correct choice of treatment in each individual case requires an assessment of a large number of features of the patient's condition.

Psychosocial therapy is effective and may be first-line therapy for mild depression or maintenance therapy for more severe depression. Well-trained psychotherapists, social workers, psychologists can be very helpful.

Depression can be prevented, stopped and treated. But modern depression must be fought with modern methods, which can no longer be limited to prescriptions and psychotherapy according to the patterns of the last century.

This fight can only be won through the cooperation of an educated patient, a professional doctor and mental health professionals.

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I'm broken.

no core, no joy, no sense

Requests for helpWrite your story

I don't know how to write or what to write. I want to die. for over a year now. I can't help myself. there were attempts, there was a reason.
you know, I'm broken. no core, no joy, no meaning. Every day I convince myself that it will pass, but it does not.
I don’t have any friends, my business partners all fled, I’m completely messed up, my fiancé left, I’ve lost my health, it seems to me that I’ve even aged outwardly .... and for a year and a half I’ve been living in hell. Now I believe that there is hell on earth . I know, suicidal sinners. but I feel, I know that I am not needed, I interfere with people.
my work is aimed at helping, but they don’t understand me at all, they think I want to cash in on them .... I still love my ex, even though he’s on the other.
the rest of me only want sex or money when they were.... what happened to my life? sometimes it seems that this is a dream and you want to wake up from everything, and if not, fall asleep forever. ..

Nameless, age: 23 / 02/02/2011

Responses:

Hello, dear!
Yes, it is very difficult for you in life, but God does not give a person more trials than a person can bear. Groom left? Yes, the tablecloth is dear to him, why do you need such a person on whom you cannot rely? Forgive and let go. And say "thank you" for the fact that it happened now, and not later, when you would have become attached with all your heart.
Partners run away? Spit on it all, it's better to understand people now than later. And you do your job, help people, you are a smart girl, and your kindness will definitely return to you. Go to church, pray to the Lord, read the Bible and God will surely change your life and fill you with joy and happiness. Everything will be fine with you and there will be faithful and worthy people next to you. Go to an orphanage and give abandoned kids your warmth, care and love, help financially if you can. The basic law of prosperity in the Bible is: let it be given to you... Do good and it will surely come back to you.
May God bless you!

Aleana, age: 40 / 02.02.2011

Hello nameless! A person is always needed by someone, there is always a person or who needs someone's care and affection. Probably you should offer your help to those who are not looking for a catch in the offer. I think you will find your destiny there. God bless you.

Tired dervish, age: --- / 03.02.2011

Everything will work out for you, not now, but someday, and God will make you happy, but on one condition. If you can't do something, then all you need is this. To be strong. To destroy the devil that destroys your life. Which pushes you to the abyss, further from God. Here are the three words. JUST. TRY. BEEN THROUGH.

Andrey, age: 20 / 02/04/2011

Hello! In fact, all this is nonsense. You are at the most beautiful age. Here I am now struggling with similar things, even
even worse, but at the age of 33. No strength. No perspective. But even I don't want to lay hands on myself. I know time will pass,
thoughts will come in order and everything else. So it was already 23 times ... Like you. But, then she managed, and lived another 10
happy years!!! Truly happy. Don't deprive yourself of this. Whatever, it will still be. And then, after 10-15 years
see what to do....

julia , age: 33 / 02/05/2011

You know .. but I also often thought how bad everything is with me, how no one needs me, that suicide is so simple and
quickly and this is the way out ... and when she found out that death is closer than ever, she became so real, then all things are completely
appear in a different light and in a different quality. Somehow I immediately want to live, even with all the problems (no
certain future, no prospects, speech even worse than stuttering, no friends at all, only relatives
parents) all the little things faded into the background - you have to feel it. The whole system of values ("it will be very bad -
I'll kill myself", "how poor and unhappy I am", etc.) changes. You just have despondency, depression, maybe the cost is
endure this period, when everything will work out? And it will definitely get better, your arms, legs, head are in place, no
deadly disease - already means everything is not so bad.

Julia, age: 02/23/2011

Hello. I understand how everything seems hopeless now. and the smallest action seems the most difficult. we all do not have a core and we are not capable of anything ourselves. we're just people in need of someone to take care of us. sometimes the Lord allows certain things to happen in our lives so that we can finally see that we need him. nothing is lost for you yet. You really have your whole life ahead of you. you need to have some basis on which you can rely, hope. The Lord can be that foundation. They are. know that you are very dear to Him. just like that, broken, unnecessary, sick. He wants to cherish you, caress you. Just talk to Him if you want. and when there is a foundation, then the forces will move further. you have a home where you can always return. in the hands of the Lord there is a special place only for you, no one will replace you for Him. Hold on please. you are not alone.

valya, age: 02/27/2011

1987 I am 24. I am a successful, rapidly rising businessman. A beautiful wife, whom I love to the point of madness, works as a deputy director of one of the Moscow Trades. A bunch of friends, connections, opportunities, prospects.
Just one tiny stupidity that was born in my head crossed out my whole life in one evening.
The result - the loss of a wife, friends, connections, opportunities, 6 years of strict regime, poor health, tuberculosis . ..
What do you think, how much was “driven away” in the head for those long, long 6 years? Did I want to live then?
Now I am 48, I am married to the most beautiful woman in the world, we have 6 of the most beautiful children in the world and complete well-being. And today I consider those 6 cruel, gloomy years of the zone that shaped me as a Human being to be the best years of my life, which laid the foundation for the present happiness. They didn’t embitter and didn’t kill, like others, but gave them the opportunity to rethink life and their place in it. And I thank God that at the very end of life He gave the wisdom to say to myself: "I will not rush, I will live and see what could come of it."
What do I want to say?
Only the future can determine the correctness of our decisions. But interrupting our lives, we will never know about it ... As well as the fact that in today's suffering we, perhaps, live our best years, which lay a solid foundation for our entire subsequent happy life.

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