How to improve relationships with boyfriend
10 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Relationship
Relationships
written by CHRISTINA HUYNH
Source: cottonbro | Pexels
Whether you’ve been dating your partner for a few months or have been married for five years, healthy relationships are built from commitment, mutual respect, and effort. While you probably felt an immediate and effortless spark when you first met, it takes work to maintain that spark as your relationship develops—but don’t worry, it will be the most fun and rewarding work you’ll ever do. While every relationship is different, you can always work to improve your bond, friendship, and intimacy. Try these 10 things to improve your relationship RN.
1. Ask your partner something new
Communication is arguably the #1 determining factor of success for every relationship. It’s nice to ask how your partner’s day went, but it can feel routine when you ask the same thing every day or don’t branch out into new topics of conversation. Enhance your relationship and communication by putting in the extra effort to question your significant other on something more specific. By asking new questions (like “How did you feel about that?” or “What do you prefer doing at work instead?”), you’ll avoid going through the motions, listen more intently to each other, and have more meaningful discussions.
2. Designate a monthly date night
Between both of your busy schedules and nonstop responsibilities, the most foolproof way to guarantee that you’ll make time for each other is to set a night every month dedicated to strengthening your connection and reigniting that spark. Whether you’re looking to spice up your relationship or want to do something together that doesn’t include Netflix, schedule a date. The connection from even one night out can have long-term effects.
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Say “thank you” Especially in relationships that have gone on for years and have fallen into routines, we can get so comfortable that we expect our partners to meet all of our needs, whether it’s how they treat us or the daily chores they do. Saying a simple “thank you” for cleaning the dishes after dinner or giving you a compliment enforces their good behavior and makes them feel appreciated as well as helps you remember why you love them. It’s also important to express appreciation and gratitude for them being in your life and how much they mean to you (and not just what they do for you).
4. Schedule a check-in
Scheduling might not seem very sexy and spontaneous, but making sure you’re regularly checking in with each other will keep your relationship strong. It can be easy to let annoyance after annoyance build up until it gets to a full-blown fight, so checking in means fewer fights, more communication, and better connection. After all, a relationship is just two people trying to get their needs met.
Use a check-in to discuss any recent triggers, problems, and even all the good things that deserve recognition too. Try doing this monthly, weekly, or even daily, and put it on your calendars so you don’t forget or skip it.
5. Remember the small things
Another way to add meaning to your conversation is to truly listen to what your significant other is saying and then bring up those little things again in the future. For example, if your partner mentions a new pair of shoes that they want, take note of it to gift it to them for their birthday coming up, or if your significant other says they want to try a restaurant you haven’t been to, suggest it for your next date night or surprise them with takeout. The fact that you pay attention to and remember even the minor details that your partner says will show how much you listen, care, and want them to feel loved. Overall, it’s the little things that mean the most.
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6. Let go of the past
As a culprit for many potential arguments and the underlying issue for future ones, what happens in the past doesn’t always stay there. But it’s difficult to move forward in a relationship when you’re still thinking about past fights, problems, or issues that you’ve already resolved. If you find yourself continuing to dwell on the past, it might be a sign to take a step back and consider why. Are you naturally less forgiving or is what happened something you can’t seem to forgive? By focusing on the reason for this recurring feeling, you’ll find more clarity within yourself and about what you want from the relationship with your partner.
7. Show your affection
From grabbing your partner’s hand at a restaurant to going to bed together at the end of the night, you know how you feel about your partner, but they should be able to feel it as well.
Physical touch goes a long way in keeping romance and connection alive in long-term relationships. Try to avoid physical touch routines, meaning the only physical touch in your daily life is a kiss goodbye or a hug hello (though these are also important gestures). In addition to your hellos and goodbyes, hug them unexpectedly, hold their hand in the car or while watching TV, or even just pat them on the arm to feel close. Physical closeness can translate to emotional closeness.
8. Learn your partner’s boundaries
Does your partner wish to be left alone when they’re upset? Do they mind that you want to text all day long, or do they prefer you call them when you’re apart at night? Is there a certain way they prefer to argue or certain topics they’re not comfortable discussing with you yet? These questions are simple, but the answers to them will help you understand your partner’s boundaries (and stop you from crossing them). Overall, your partner’s needs are most likely different from yours, and knowing their boundaries is the best way to respect them.
Have conversations to explain your boundaries to each other, but also pay attention and ask questions to understand them better.
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9. Laugh together
Relationships are just friendships with exclusivity. Loving each other is crucial, and liking each other is important too. While the life-partner stuff (like dividing chores) or the romantic stuff (like holding hands) might be top priorities to improve your relationship, remember that the friendship stuff is just as important. Laugh together at least once every day, whether it’s sharing a funny story that happened to you at the grocery store, bringing up an inside joke, or watching the show that makes you both laugh out loud. Laughing not only bonds us but also helps us remember that the point of being in a relationship is to enjoy the person we love.
10. Make time to focus on yourself
How we feel about ourselves is how we’ll act in a relationship. For example, if you lack confidence in yourself, you’ll look for assurance in your relationship, or if you don’t like to be alone with yourself, you’ll need to be around your significant other 24/7. To prevent any toxic behaviors, it’s essential to have a strong sense of self: Invest in a new hobby, make plans with some friends, and take steps in discovering who you are as a person. By falling in love with yourself, you’ll naturally become the best version of yourself for the person who is falling in love with you.
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8 Ways to Strengthen Your Relationship
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Author: Heather Prouty
Love is perhaps our most powerful emotion, and the need to be in a loving relationship may be one of the strongest needs we have.
Being in an intimate relationship makes us feel connected, not only to our partner, but also to the world at large. When our hearts are filled with love, we feel profoundly content and satisfied. We become more patient, more empathetic, kinder, gentler.
But personal intimacy doesn't merely affect our emotional well-being. According to numerous scientific studies, the power of love directly affects our physical health, too, by boosting our immune system, improving our cardiovascular functioning, and increasing our life expectancy. "Love and intimacy are at the root of what makes us sick and what makes us well," says Dean Ornish, M.D., who explores the connections between love and health in his book Love & Survival (HarperCollins). "When you look at the scientific data, the need for love and intimacy is as important and basic as eating, breathing, and sleeping."
On Valentine's Day, we celebrate our love for each other over candlelit dinners or through exchanges of chocolates, flowers, and slinky lingerie.
But a box of bonbons only lasts so long. Experts agree that the key to a vitalized, long-lasting relationship is what you and your partner do the other 364 days of the year. Indeed, keeping your love alive requires continual time and effort. Following are eight steps you can take to keep the flame burning.
Be Friends
Any healthy relationship must be based on a solid underlying friendship. Remember to treat your partner with the same kindness, respect, and appreciation as you would a close friend. Support, listen to, and laugh with each other. Don't allow yourselves to be rude or disrespectful.
Stay Connected
"Couples need to spend a lot of time with each other," advises David Kaplan, Ph.D., chair of the Department of Counselor Education and Rehabilitation programs at Emporia State University in Emporia, Kansas. "There is no substitute for quantity of time." Kaplan encourages couples to take a half-day a week to go out on a date. In addition, devote at least 15 minutes of your day to meaningful, one-on-one conversation — no television or kids allowed.
Get Physical
Physical intimacy is a natural — and healthy — extension of a relationship. Our best sexual intentions are often put to rest, however, as we collapse into an exhausted heap at the end of the day. Instead, you and your partner need to consciously commit to turning up the heat. Leave the dishes in the sink, turn the laptop off, and just do it! Set the mood with the sensual music, and light some calming aromatherapy candles or incense. Learn to communicate your loving energy through touch.
Celebrate Each Other
Saying something kind and affectionate to your partner should be a daily habit. The expression of loving thoughts nourishes your relationship by helping you both remember what it is you treasure about each other. Let your partner know how much you appreciate him or her, and be generous with compliments and expressions of affection.
Fight Well
Since disagreements and arguments are inevitable, what's important is not whether you fight but how you fight.
When disagreements surface, keep them short. "No more than 10 minutes," says Kaplan. "After ten minutes, it gets nasty and repetitive." Also, keep boundaries on the subject matter. Don't dredge up issues from last week or last month-keep your dispute focused on the matter at hand.
Take a Class
Feeling like your relationship could benefit from professional advice? Why not take a class on communications skills, attend a seminar on loving kindness, or read a book on relationship-building together? Your efforts will likely spark important discussions about your relationship and, ultimately, enhance it. A good starting point is Phillip McGraw, Ph.D.'s straight-talking tome Relationship Rescue (Hyperion, 2000).
Listen Carefully
Being an attentive listener lets your partner know that his or her thoughts and feelings are important to you. Moreover, good listening encourages partners "to open up and be willing to share," says Richard and Kristine Carlson, authors of Don't Sweat the Small Things in Love (Hyperion, 1999).
The secret, say the Carlsons, is not just to "hear" what your partner is saying, but to be truly "present," having a heartfelt desire to understand what is being said and listening without being judgmental.
Maintain Your Sense of Self
Partners must learn to balance their needs as individuals with their needs as a couple. "On one hand, you don't want people to be too far apart emotionally. If you don't spend time together, you become disengaged emotionally," says Kaplan. "The other end of the spectrum is couples that become too dependent on each other and their individual identity gets lost." Ideally, the two of you should be close enough to have intimacy, yet "far enough away to have an individual identity," says Kaplan. Don't be afraid to develop some friendships and interests separate from your partner.
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How to maintain and improve relationships in a couple?
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Man and woman Relationship crisis
1.
Check how you see the future This can be done either orally, to yourself, or out loud with a partner. One of the options: think about something, write it down on paper, and then discuss it with a partner. And the most ingenious solution is to make it in the form of a love letter. Even if it seems ridiculous and your current relationship does not imply this.
2. Don't be afraid to be funny
More humor and smiles. These fish swim only in clean water. If you are too serious, demanding a lot, out loud and to yourself, check if it's time to clear the pond of mud.
3. Talk to Yourself
This is different from "repetition-muttering records". Take breaks, cultivate a time when you have nothing to do and you can look in the mirror and be honest with yourself.
4. Play with each other
More common games with a partner, but in such a way that the emotions are real and the joy is new. Make up games! Do not be consumers, creativity is more than appropriate here.
Make something together (saw firewood without getting tired), play table tennis, dance. Spend time together, thereby signing the importance of this "superfluous and random, but so necessary." nine0003
5. Be realistic - demand the impossible
Imagination and desire are what revitalizes you and your loved ones. Demand quietly, but in such a way that it can be heard. And if they don't hear you, then maybe it's you.
6. Share important things with each other
There are two buckets on the “yoke of life” that you carry: a bucket of imagination, your inner world, and a bucket of realism. It's good when you can balance and carry them easily. Share both with your partner, but don't forget to use your imagination, no matter which "bucket" you prefer right now. nine0003
If it seems to you that the other person has lost the ability to love, check whether you yourself know how to love, “here and now”
7.
Do not show your partner an account : it's just your alarm turned on. Focus on it, not on what you think is content. When a person “sorts things out”, he is overwhelmed with them, and it seems to him that he is acting, but in fact he is walking in a circle.
8. Don't be afraid to grow old
Mentally travel through the ages, watch how people transition into adulthood and age beautifully, don't get stuck in glamorous youthful looks. If you are afraid of age, look into this fear as if into a mirror, do not turn away: a direct and long look is always better than shifty eyes.
9. Talk about feelings
Talk, choose words, be as sincere as possible, talk about what is interesting to you and your partner. Talk about boring details. Don't be lazy to look for them. But most importantly, talk about feelings. If you are not being listened to, choose other words, be even more sincere. Feelings always hurt if they are genuine. nine0003
10. Work with irritation
Where there is life, there is rubbish - you just need to clean it up.
The job of cleaning up the trash in a relationship is your job, not the housekeeper's. You should not shift it to another, you should not be lazy to do it yourself.
11. Learn to express thoughts directly
Be witty and don't be afraid to hurt your partner. Sometimes it’s better to hurt, but to surprise a lot by unexpectedly opening a window. There may be blooming lilacs outside the open window.
12. Before asking your partner a question, ask yourself
Think more often about what you want, where you are, what you can give and what you will receive as a gift. If it seems to you that the other has lost the ability to love, check whether you yourself know how to love "here and now" or set special conditions.
About the expert
Leonid Krol — psychologist, coach, trainer, business consultant, director and lead trainer of the Klass Personnel Training Center. His site. nine0003
Photo source: GettyImages
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How to strengthen relationships in a couple. What is the secret of harmonious relationships?
You have heard more than once, and maybe you yourself repeated the phrase: “Relationships are not easy!”. I would like to clarify. In theory, relationships themselves are very simple, because they develop in a natural rhythm according to the will of feelings: they met, fell in love, decided to be together. But the people involved in a relationship can make it difficult - and even very difficult. The fact is that we are not too pleased with the idea that "relationships need to be worked on.
" What kind of nonsense is this, but what about love? Why is a harmonious union, which arose from a great and bright feeling, not able to magically work by itself, like a well-oiled machine? Unfortunately, even the heroes of fairy tales do not hope for this. Relationships really take effort, and they can be strong and happy - if you know the right life hacks. A romantic connection can be strengthened and improved by working in two ways:
- demanding more of myself,
- demanding more from a partner.
No magic is required, everything is extremely simple and is set out below in ten tips, following which you get a sure chance to extend your relationship to the "forever" mode.
1. Be realistic.
True love is not at all like romantic love, which makes us not notice the shortcomings of a partner. It's a choice. This is the constant support of another person, regardless of the circumstances. This is an understanding that your relationship will not always be cloudless.
This is the need to deal with the problems of a partner, his fears and thoughts, even when you don’t feel like it at all. Such love is more prosaic, it requires much more effort from partners. But still, it gives a person much more. After all, in the end, it brings real happiness, and not another short-lived euphoria. nine0003
2. Respect each other.
This is the main thing in a relationship. Not attraction, not shared goals, not religion, not even love. There will be moments when you start to feel like you don't love each other at all anymore. But if you lose respect for your partner, you won't be able to get him back.
Communication, no matter how open and frequent it may be, in any case, someday will come to a standstill. Conflicts and insults cannot be avoided.
The only thing that will save your relationship is unwavering respect. Without it, you will always doubt each other's intentions, judge your partner's choices, and try to limit their independence.
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In addition, you also need to respect yourself. Without self-respect, you will not be able to feel that you deserve the respect of a partner. You will constantly try to prove that you deserve it, and as a result, you will only harm your relationship.
- Never complain about your partner to your friends. If you are unhappy with something in his behavior, discuss it with him, and not with friends and relatives.
- Respect that your partner may have interests, hobbies and views that are different from yours. nine0088
- Consider the opinion of your half. Remember, you are one team. If someone alone is dissatisfied, then you need to look for a solution to the problem together.
- Do not keep everything to yourself, discuss any problems. You should not have taboo topics of conversation.
Respect is directly related to trust. And trust is the foundation of any relationship (not just romantic ones). Without it, there can be no feeling of intimacy and calmness.
3. Discuss all problems. nine0060
If something does not suit you, be sure to discuss it. No one will fix your relationship for you. The main thing for maintaining trust is absolute honesty and openness of both partners.
- Share your doubts and fears, especially those you don't share with anyone else. This will help not only heal some emotional wounds, but also better understand the partner.
- Keep your promises. The only way to restore trust is to keep your word. nine0088
- Learn to distinguish between the suspicious behavior of a partner and your own complexes. Usually during quarrels, one person thinks that his behavior is completely normal, while another seems categorically wrong.
Trust is somewhat like a porcelain plate. If it falls and breaks, then with great difficulty it can still be glued back together. If you break it a second time, there will be twice as many fragments, and it will also take more time and effort to put them together.
But if you drop the plate over and over again, in the end, it will break into such small pieces that it will be impossible to glue them together. nine0003
4. Don't try to control each other.
We often hear that relationships require sacrifice. There is some truth in this: sometimes you really have to give up something. But if both partners constantly sacrifice themselves, they are unlikely to be happy. Such a relationship in the end will only harm them both.
Each person should be an independent person with their own views and interests.
Trying to control your partner to make him happy (or allowing you to control your own actions) will not achieve anything good. nine0003
Some are afraid to give their partner freedom and independence. The reason for this may be a lack of confidence or self-doubt. The less we value ourselves, the more we will try to control our partner's behavior.
5. Be prepared for both of you to change.
Over time, you and your partner will change - this is completely natural. Therefore, it is important to always be aware of the ongoing changes and treat them with respect.
nine0004 If you plan to spend several decades together, you need to be prepared for difficulties and unforeseen situations.Significant changes that many couples face may include a change of religion and political views, a move to another country, the death of relatives (including children).
When you start dating, you only know what this person is now. You have no way of knowing what it will be like in five or 10 years. Therefore, you need to be prepared for the unexpected. Of course, it's not easy. But the ability to quarrel properly can help here. nine0003
6. Learn to quarrel.
Psychologist John Gottman identified four signs of behavior that indicate a potential breakup:
- Character criticism (“You are stupid” instead of “You acted stupidly”).
- Shifting blame.
- Insults.
- Avoiding a quarrel and ignoring a partner.
Therefore, it is worth learning how to quarrel properly:
- Do not remember previous scandals during one quarrel. This will not solve anything, but will only aggravate the situation.
- If the fight is heating up, stop. Go outside and walk around a bit. Return to the conversation only when you cool down.
- Remember, being right in a quarrel is not as important as feeling that you were listened to with respect.
- Do not try to avoid quarrels. Express your pain and admit what worries you.
7. Learn to forgive.
Do not try to change your partner - this is a sign of disrespect. Accept the fact that you have disagreements, love the person in spite of them, and try to forgive.
But how can one learn to forgive?
- When the quarrel is over, it doesn't matter who was right and who was wrong.
Leave all conflicts in the past, and do not remember them every month. - No need to keep score. Relationships should not have winners and losers. Everything should be done and given free of charge, that is, without manipulation and expectation of something in return. nine0088
- When a partner makes a mistake, separate his behavior from his intentions. Do not forget that you appreciate and love in a partner. Everyone makes mistakes. And if a person made a mistake, this does not mean at all that he secretly hates you and wants to leave.
8. Be pragmatic
Any relationship is imperfect, because we ourselves are imperfect. Therefore, be pragmatic: determine what each of you is good at, what you like and dislike to do, and then assign responsibilities. nine0003
In addition, many couples are advised to determine some rules in advance. For example, how will you share all expenses? How much are you willing to borrow? How much can each partner spend without consulting the other? What do you need to buy together? How will you decide where to go on vacation?
Some even hold "annual reports", during which they discuss the conduct of business and decide what to change in the economy.
This, of course, sounds trite, but this approach really helps to be aware of the needs and requirements of a partner and strengthens relationships. nine0003
9. Mind the little things.
Simple signs of attention, compliments and support mean a lot. All these little things accumulate over time and affect how you perceive your relationship. Therefore, many advise to continue to go on dates, go out somewhere for the weekend and be sure to find time for sex, even when you are tired. Physical intimacy not only keeps a relationship healthy, it even helps mend it when things go wrong. nine0003
This becomes especially important with the advent of children. In modern culture, they are almost prayed for. It is believed that parents should sacrifice everything for them.
The best guarantee that children will grow up healthy and happy is a healthy and happy relationship between parents.
So let your relationship always come first.
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