How to get your best friends back

Why We Drift & 20 Ways to Feel Close

You think you will be BFFs forever, but sometimes that doesn’t happen. So, if you want to get your best friend back, here are the ways you can do it.

Did you have a big fight with your best friend? Or have they been hanging out with someone else lately? These things happen. However, just because you two are in a slump doesn’t mean the friendship is over. There are ways to get your best friend back.

Why do friendships end?

When you are best friends with someone, you think that you will be that close for the rest of your lives. But that’s not always what happens. Sure, we expect our romantic relationships to end, but not our friendships.

So, if you want to get your best friend back, then you are probably wondering why it even ended in the first place? Well, you may already know. But then again, you might not. So, let’s start with discussing all the different ways a best friendship could end.

There are two main ways: drifting apart and a deliberate ending.

[Read: One-sided friendship – 15 clear signs it’s time to cut them loose]

Drifting apart

This is probably the most common way that best friends end their relationships. Let’s face it – life is always changing.

People grow up, move, and their paths can go two different directions. So, here are some of the ways you can drift apart from your best friend.

1. Graduation

Even if you knew your best friend from birth, there always comes a time when life changes drastically, and a graduation is usually that point for a lot of people.

Whether it’s high school, college, or graduate school, getting your diploma or degree usually makes people change their lives.

2. Marriage

If one or both of the best friends get married, that can change the friendship too. Let’s say just one of them got married and the other one is single.

Well, those are two very different worlds. The married one will be hanging out with their spouse all the time, and the single one will be going out and trying to find “the one. ” So, suddenly, their relationship status is very different from each other. [Read: Losing a friend – 30 ways to face the pain of best friends drifting away]

3. Kids

Having kids is similar to your marital status – it changes your life a lot. But children change your life even more.

When you have a baby, your life is no longer your own. You can’t be selfish anymore and do whatever you want, whenever you want. Instead, you have to prioritize your child or children before anyone else – even your best friend.

4. Geography

Some people never leave their home town, while others move half way around the world from where they were born.

So, if one or both of you moved far away from the other, it’s much more difficult to maintain a close relationship long distance. You can’t see each other face-to-face anymore, and you’ll both probably form new friendships in your new place of residence.

5. Age differences

When we’re young, it’s more likely that we will have friends of our own age. But as life goes on, sometimes we can become best friends with someone who is much older or younger than us. And that might not be a problem, but perhaps down the line, it will be.

For example, maybe the two of you both have kids. But the older friend’s children grow up and move out before the other one’s. Then, one is in the empty nest phase, while the other one is not. [Read: 24 signs you have really shitty friends and need to get some new ones]

6. Incompatibility

Just as you can grow apart from a romantic partner, you can with a friend too. Maybe one of you started to get into partying and the other one didn’t want to follow that path.

Or one is an extrovert and the other one is an introvert. As time goes by, both people’s true inner selves begin to reveal themselves. And unfortunately, sometimes they discover that they are simply not compatible with each other anymore.

Deliberate ending

Sometimes friendships don’t just drift apart. They can end suddenly – or even explosively – much the same way that a romantic relationship might end.

These are much more painful to go through, but they do happen. And here’s why. [Read: Clingy friend – what makes them and 22 easy ways to fix the friendship]

7. Misunderstanding

Let’s say that your friend’s boyfriend decided to give you a call to ask advice about them. You don’t want to talk to their boyfriend, but you’re trying to be nice.

If your friend finds out, they might think that you are emotionally cheating with their partner. You’re not, but you can’t convince your friend otherwise. Big misunderstandings can lead to sudden endings of friendships.

8. Betrayal

You can take the above scenario and take it from a misunderstanding into an outright betrayal. Maybe one of you really did try to steal the other person’s romantic partner.

That is a huge no-no in friendships. But it does happen. Whether it’s cheating, lying or some other betrayal, this is bound to end a friendship. [Read: When best friends become enemies]

How to get your best friend back – The most important steps that work

Now that you know how and why friendships can end, let’s talk about how you can get your best friend back.

You can still save the relationship. All you need to do is you just need to figure out how. So, don’t go burning all your memories and photographs in a rage, here are some helpful tips for getting your best friend back.

1. Assess what happened

Did you two just fizzle out or was it a fight that resulted in you two splitting up? This may sound like a breakup, and it actually is. Your best friend is your pea in a pod, so obviously, this is upsetting. You need to evaluate what happened and figure out where it went wrong.

If you’re not sure, you can always talk to someone you trust about the situation and see what they think. Sometimes it’s easier to get a third party opinion on the matter to see if you did something wrong. They also help you realize where your behavior was inappropriate.

2. Give them space

Sometimes, they just need a time out, some space on their own without you hunting them down. You probably think talking right away is the best way to fix the situation but for some, it’s not. So, take some time off from them and wait to see if they message you first.

If they don’t, message them after a week of not speaking. If you tried to contact them earlier and they don’t respond, give it more time. They’ll reply when they’re ready.

3. Put yourself in your best friend’s shoes

Sometimes it’s hard to understand why your friend isn’t speaking to you, but they’re your best friend for a reason. You know them, you know what they’re like. What you need to do is put yourself in their shoes and see how they’re feeling. Maybe you said something very hurtful.

Take some time to think about it. This tip goes great with #2 because, during that time out, you’ll have the time to also think about how they’re feeling. [Read: Good friends are like stars – 18 ways to build lasting friendships]

3. Make amends

Someone has to apologize. Whether it’s you or them. If you don’t think you did anything wrong, well, evaluate whether or not you need to apologize. Sometimes it’s better to say sorry and save the friendship.

Even if you didn’t think what you did was wrong, someone will have to be the bigger person and take that step in order to move past the situation. So, if you want to be friends again, you’re going to have to say you’re sorry. [Read: 16 things you need to give up to have a happier life]

4. Don’t get defensive

Whatever the reason is, you may feel the need to get defensive. Maybe your friend is hanging out with a girl you don’t like, and of course, it’s going to look like you’re jealous, because you are.

So, before you start swearing and telling her that her new friend is a skank, just take it down a notch. This isn’t going to get her back.

In fact, your best friend is probably going to distance herself from you. So, take a deep breath whenever you feel like you’re going to say something you regret.

5. Let them speak

When you’re on a roll and really trying to make your point clear, you basically end up swallowing the conversation. So, let them speak. Sure, you have a lot to say, but this is your best friend.

Just calm down and listen. And by listening, we mean waiting for your turn to talk. Be present in the moment. If you let them talk, it shows them that you care and want to fix the situation. [Read: How to fight fair with someone and grow closer]

6. Talk about what you need to change

If your fight was because you drink too much, then you need to make some changes in your life. Or if you criticize your friend too much, just back off.

If you want to get your best friend back, these are things you need to change, and you need to tell your friend that. It shows you’re aware of your actions and how they affect your friend.

7. Put in some effort

Now that you finished discussing the situation and everything seems like it’s in the clear, put some effort into the relationship. Give your best friend a call or text something about your day.

It doesn’t have to be an important text, and it can be small talk. Anything to help you move on from what you experienced. This also shows your interest in rebuilding the friendship. [Read: The 8 kinds of friends everyone needs in their life]

8. Go out

So, that awkward part is over and done with. Now, you need to get your friendship back to normal. Do everything you normally do with your best friend.

Go for a walk, watch a movie, go to the mall. Whatever it is, just make a plan and do something fun together. If you stay quiet after making amends, it puts you both in a weird spot and keeps you dwelling on the past.

9. Be persistent

If your friend ignores you and doesn’t let you speak to them, be persistent. Okay, that doesn’t mean calling them every hour and leaving 30 voice mails on their phone.

If you really want them in your life though, you won’t give up on the friendship. The situation may be sticky, but that doesn’t mean you can’t fix the relationship. [Read: How to avoid the awkward tension after an argument]

10.

Remind them of a memory

Sometimes people get wrapped up in the negative mindset that they forget about the positive memories they shared with you.

Remind them why you’re best friends. Maybe you have some funny pictures or memorabilia to make them think about the good times they shared with you. You need to show them these things.

11. Do something special for them

Maybe their favorite treat is red velvet cupcakes. Why don’t you bake them some? Or maybe their favorite band is coming to town to play. Go see it with your best friend. Who cares if you don’t like it. You’re trying to save the friendship!

Do something that shows them you care and that you want it to work out. [Read: 18 insightful reasons why you don’t have any friends]

12. Be public with it

Okay, you don’t need to make a sign saying, “we’re best friends again” and display it at City Hall. But, if you want to get your best friend back, post things on their Facebook page or like their statuses and photos.

This is actually a pretty good way of saying sorry. Don’t overdo it by liking and commenting on everything. But even posting a YouTube on her page can do the trick. Thank god for Facebook, eh?

[Read: 22 signs your best friend isn’t your best friend anymore and why you drifted]

A best friend isn’t easy to find and once you have someone that knows you like the palm of your hand, you don’t want to let them go. So, follow these steps, and you’ll get your best friend back.

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3 Ways to Revive a Lost or Broken Friendship -- Science of Us

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Photo: H. Armstrong Roberts/ClassicStoc/Getty Images

Some friendships are relationships you’ll have for the rest of your life, but unless you’re very, very lucky, those aren’t the norm. Most often, friendship looks like something messier: People will float in and out of your life as you change, or they change, or circumstances change. There are moves. There are fallings-out. Schedules get busy. You’re probably not still super tight with your seventh-grade best friend; in fact, as you enter your 30s, you begin to shed a lot of the friends you made in your earlier years. In most cases, that doesn’t mean you’ve banished those people from your life forever; it just means you’ve gone in different directions. Maybe someday you’ll find your way back.

But reviving a friendship that’s died requires more than just hitting the play button on something that’s been paused, explains Irene Levine, a psychiatry professor at NYU and the author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup With Your Best Friend. It’s not as simple as just picking up the relationship you had before. It’s also more difficult than starting things from scratch with someone new. Here’s her advice for how to get things rolling with a new old friend.

Whether you broke up with some sense of finality or just let things fade out, there’s a reason you ended things last time around — and whatever pushed you two apart may not have gone away. “Sometimes we romanticize our friendships, and maybe we forget some of the reasons why we ended [the relationship],” Levine says. “You might be going back into the same morass that you left.”

Before you try to reach out, then, it might be wise to take some time and do a friendship postmortem: Were you too busy to make much time for each other? If that was the case, has it really changed? Or, alternatively, if you couldn’t stand the way she sucked at listening and made everything about her, what makes you think you’d be okay with it now? “If you think it’s going to be a completely different person than the person you broke up with, you’re probably being unrealistic,” Levine warns. That’s not to say that they haven’t gotten better, or that it’s not worth giving things a shot — just that you should be clear-eyed about what makes a friendship deal-breaker for you, and be prepared to abort the mission if you need to.

Especially if you’ve just moved, it can be tempting to contact everyone in your phone that lives in your new city — an old camp buddy, an elementary-school classmate, really anybody who’s ever been more than an acquaintance. That’s understandable! While making new friends can be a little awkward and daunting, the whole dance is a bit more comfortable with people you were once close to: “You do have a foundation of shared experiences,” Levine says. “So it does give you a jump start in the friendship.”

Still, that doesn’t mean you should immediately assume the same level of intimacy you once had. “You might want to try to become acquaintances first, rather than friends,” she says. You may be starting slightly further ahead than you would with someone brand-new, but you’re still going to want to let things unfold at the same pace as you would after hitting it off with a stranger. Start with coffee, not a spill-your-guts vent session.

Because, in a way, they are. Even if you have that easy, clicking, friendship-at-first-sight feeling once you see them again, it takes more than a spark to make a relationship worthy of your time. “You really need experience and time to build trust with another person, whether it’s an old friend or a new friend,” Levine says. Ease often complements things like trust, but it isn’t a stand-in.

Besides, that sense of instant reconnection might be one-sided — we can often be blinded by our own desire to make things work, whether out of loneliness or excitement over having this person back in our lives. And that optimism can make it easy to miss red flags, or signs that the other person isn’t as into the reunion. “You might misperceive social cues, [or] she might not be listening when you think she is, or she might be judgmental and you don’t realize,” Levine explains. If you run headlong into insta-friendship, you might not notice that it’s not a fit until after you’ve already invested time and emotional energy. Being cautious, on the other hand, keeps you from that’s pouring yourself into a relationship that’s a nonstarter; if things progress more slowly back into genuine friendship, it’s more likely to be a real, sustainable bond.

Another way to make sure you’re both equally invested in reviving your friendship: Don’t pressure them into starting things right away. Email is better for first contact than a call or text, Levine says, because it’s less immediate. “It gives the other person a chance to think about it,” she explains. “Just because you’re ready to rekindle a friendship doesn’t mean the other person’s ready — you’ve given it a lot of thought, but the other person could be caught off guard.” If they’re into the idea, great! Make that coffee date.

If they blow you off, though, try to keep in mind — even though it’s easier said than done — that it’s probably more about them than about you. “The other person may be fully engaged,” Levine says. “They may have a lot of friendships, they may be juggling work and personal matters, they may not have any more bandwidth to have one more friend.” And that’s the reality of friendships, for better or worse: They’re all part connection, part timing. It’s the reason you can’t hold on to all the friends you’ve ever had. But it’s also the reason that you can know, if you do ever get back together, that there’s a real shot at making it work again — because you’re in the right place at the right time. And if you’re very, very lucky, you might get to a point where you forget you ever hit pause to begin with.

A Psychologist Explains How to Revive a Dead Friendship

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6 steps to get your ex friend back

April 20, 2022 Relationship

If you're in a quarrel, it doesn't have to be forever. Repairing a relationship can be easier than you think.

The older we get, the harder it is to make new friends. And to restore relations with the old ones, especially if you once quarreled and did not communicate for many years, it may seem like an impossible mission. Everyone has their own life, new interests and social circle. Suddenly the paths diverged so far that they will never converge again? Suddenly, the resentment was so burning that it still has not cooled down?

And yet, if you really miss your friend and your relationship, you should at least try to restore them. Here's how.

1. Make contact

The first step will take some courage and a little effort, but it's a must. It’s good that now you can not call a person and not talk to him, but write to him, say, on Facebook*. This will reduce the degree of awkwardness a little.

Start with a warm greeting, tell a friend that you remembered him and realized that you missed him, ask how he is doing.

If an interesting and active conversation starts, this is a good sign. At least you are welcome and you still have something to talk about.

But if you get ignored or cold monosyllabic answers, most likely, the attempt to establish communication has failed.

Find a way out 😊

How to make friends at any age

2. Get to know a friend again

Ask him where and how he lives now, where he works, what his hobbies are. You will be surprised how much a person can change in a few years.

Maybe you no longer have the same values, goals, or interests, and this new old friend will no longer be so sympathetic to you. Or maybe, on the contrary, you will now have even more common topics and fewer reasons for conflict.

3. Suggest meeting

Live communication is still different from correspondence and even video chats. You can see the emotions of the interlocutor, feel his mood, catch whether there is tension between you. And in general, to understand how easy it is for you to communicate with each other and whether it is worth continuing to communicate.

Perhaps it will be easier to discuss some old grievances during a personal meeting, if you still have them.

4. Get ready for an unpleasant conversation

If the last time the conversation ended due to your fault - you upset a friend, stopped giving him time, said or did something unpleasant - he has the right to be offended. And it may well remind you of how it all ended.

It would be nice to analyze why you behaved in this way and what to do to prevent the situation from happening again.

For example, in the past you did not support a friend during a difficult period for him, because you were too busy with yourself and your own affairs. See if you can be more empathetic and supportive this time around.

Or you gossiped behind a friend's back - and this is an occasion to learn to be more restrained and appreciate the trust that you have been given.

In a word, it will be great if you admit that there is your share of responsibility in breaking up the relationship. And maybe you will consider it necessary to apologize - if there is anything for it.

In the opposite direction, this approach also works. If you have offended you, you have the right to expect that a friend will admit his guilt and behave differently.

5. Meet more often

It takes 200 hours of communication to develop friendship into a strong friendship. You're basically starting a relationship from scratch right now, so it's likely to be a year or two before your friendship gets back to where it was.

And it will need to be fed all the time. Chat in messengers, have Zoom parties, go to cafes and exhibitions together, go on trips and so on. Naturally, all this should not be an obligation - if you are easy and fun together, you will have many hours of pleasant communication.

6. Don't repeat past mistakes

Start treating your friend more carefully if you used to pull the blanket over yourself and didn't notice other people's problems. If you have analyzed your behavior and realized that it was toxic, learn to communicate without aggression, including passive, and psychological violence.

Master the techniques 😎

How to get your way without manipulation or coercion

Be ready to support a friend if they have difficulties. Don't disappear, don't ignore messages, and remember that friendships need time, just like any other area of your life.

If the problem was not with you, carefully watch how your friend behaves, whether he offends you, whether he violates your boundaries, whether he tortures you with ignorance. If something happens that you don't like, feel free to politely say so and explain your emotions.

Have you ever wanted to reconnect with a former friend? Were you able to rekindle the friendship? Tell in the comments.

How to renew an old friendship?

Friendship is a special form of love and an integral part of our lives. That is why friendship must be protected, groomed and cherished. But it often happens that we begin to feel that our relationship with old friends is no longer the same as before. We feel, we move away from each other, we have opposite points of view, we begin to vent the accumulated anger on each other.

What can be done to maintain a tender friendship from the very beginning and for many years to come?

Initial Friendship Phase

Entering into new friendships, we feel incredibly happy. We feel we have found someone who listens to us and, most importantly, someone who truly understands us. At the very beginning of this relationship, we spend a lot of time together, laugh, get to know each other better and have endless conversations.

When Friendship Gets Stronger

Over time, our relationship acquires experiences . We go through different situations together and get to know each other well. Perhaps the person turns out to be completely different from what it seemed to us at first. But some relationships last a long time and create strong bonds between us that stay with us for many years. And we, without noticing it, become close, like brothers and sisters.

Life is hard

Friends are made to cheer, listen, understand, help and just be there for us when we need it. Life is sometimes difficult. We have to cope with many problems and overcome many obstacles in order to be recognized. In such situations, we are especially in dire need of a sincere friend who will support us, no matter what happens.

A friend must be found

Friends of are different. But not for many, we are ready to literally do everything, and for all we can say, that they will never betray us. In today's world it is very difficult to find a person who can be completely trusted. And if we are lucky enough to find such a person, we should truly appreciate him.

This is a gift of fate

An honest friend is a real gift of fate. The importance of such friendship in our lives can be compared in importance to the air we breathe. Left without friendly support, we feel lonely. And this is the most terrible feeling in life. But if we have someone we can rely on, we know it's a real gift. That is why it is important to be grateful every day for being blessed with such an honest friend.

What about you? Can you be a true friend?

We must not forget that we ourselves must be able to be a true friend! It is necessary to show loyalty to your friends. Below are the most important things that make up a true and sincere friendship that will last for many years and will not be destroyed due to daily problems.

1. Listen!

It is very important to be able to listen to your friends. This does not mean that you constantly need to be smart and give smart advice, describing what you would do if you were in your friend's place. It is enough for to be silent, look a friend in the eyes and make it clear that you are there, that you understand and sympathize. This is the art of listening to the interlocutor!

2. Being in the right place at the right time

Many people consider themselves great friends. And most of the time they are wrong. This manifests itself when we are required to do your best to help a friend. Most often this happens when a friend calls us late at night, wakes us up and says that he needs our support. Wondering what you should do in such a situation?

You must get out of bed, get dressed and go straight to your friend. It doesn't matter when or where. If your friend needs you, it is your duty to be there. Even if your friend claims on the phone that he is fine. You'd better check it out for yourself. Believe me, an expression of gratitude and friendly hugs will fully pay off a sleepless night and a long road.

3. Do not judge

A true friend of will never judge . A true friend stays true despite all the good and bad that they see in their surroundings. And also, despite all good and bad deeds. Don't judge your friends until they get into something really bad. Tell a friend that you think his actions are unreasonable, but let him know that you will stay by his side, no matter what happens.

4. Honesty

Life often puts us in difficult situations. Rather not even pleasant. For example, sometimes we have to admit to friends that we made a mistake. You need to be honest to the end and talk about everything. If you see that your friends themselves are to blame for some problems, then you should gently point it out to them. A friend always says nice things to his friend. A true friend talks about everything else.

5. Objectivity

Look at what is happening with your friend objectively. Only in this case, your advice will be truly objective and correct. Don't try to fit into someone else's shoes, you will never know how the other person really feels. Look at situation realistic and with different angles . And lay everything out as it is. Your friend may even get angry at your words, but in the end, he will be grateful for your help and support.

6. Laughter prolongs life, including friendship

Laughter shared with your friends is one of the best things in life. When we laugh, our body releases happiness hormones. It makes us feel happy, and we appreciate even more our friends who share happy moments with us.
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