How to get rid of toxic people
How to Deal With Toxic People: 17 Tips
We all know that person — the one who leaves you feeling worse off after interacting with them. Maybe it’s a manipulative family member or a co-worker who can’t stop complaining about every little thing.
It’s common to refer to these people as being toxic. But it’s important to keep in mind that this term isn’t grounded in psychology and doesn’t have a simple definition.
If you have a hard time dealing with someone in your life, it’s helpful to start by pinpointing problematic behaviors, rather than simply labeling them as being toxic.
Barrie Sueskind, a therapist in Los Angeles who specializes in relationships, shares some key signs of toxicity:
- self-absorption or self-centeredness
- manipulation and other emotional abuse
- dishonesty and deceit
- difficulty offering compassion to others
- a tendency to create drama or conflict
Sound like familiar? Read on for tips on how to respond to this type of behavior.
Some people have a tendency to see themselves as the victim in every situation. If they mess up, they might shift the blame to someone else or tell a story that paints them in a more positive light.
You might feel tempted to nod and smile in order to prevent an angry outburst. This might feel like the safest option, but it can also encourage them to see you as a supporter.
Try respectful disagreement instead. You might say, “I had a different take on the situation,” and describe what really happened. Stick to the facts, without making accusations.
While your disagreement might upset them, it might also lower the chances they’ll try involving you again.
Dealing with someone’s toxic behavior can be exhausting. The person might constantly complain about others, always have a new story about unfair treatment, or even accuse you of wronging them or not caring about their needs.
Resist the urge to jump on the complaining train with them or defend yourself against accusations.
Instead, respond with a simple, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” and leave it at that.
Sometimes simply becoming more aware of how someone’s toxic behavior affects you can help you better navigate interactions with them.
Most people occasionally say rude or hurtful things they don’t mean. No one feels their best all the time, and being in a bad mood can make you lash out. This isn’t necessarily toxic.
But ask yourself if put-downs, lies, or other types of emotional and verbal abuse characterize most of your interactions. Do they apologize or seem to notice how what they say or do affects you?
Personal struggles don’t excuse abuse, and you don’t have to accept it, either.
Someone who gossips, manipulates others, or creates dramatic situations night not realize how their behavior affects you or anyone else. An open conversation may help them realize this behavior is unacceptable.
To keep things neutral, try to stick to “I statements,” which feel less accusatory for the other person, and set boundaries that work for you.
Here are some examples of this in action:
- “I feel uncomfortable when I hear unkind things about our co-workers. I won’t participate in those conversations.”
- “I value trust in friendship, so I can’t continue this friendship if you lie to me again.
On the flip side, behavior doesn’t have to be abuse or spiteful to be toxic. Other behaviors can be just as damaging.
Maybe the person in question “desperately needs” your help to get them out of a bind — every time you see them. Or, Sueskind says, “you’re always giving and they’re always taking, or you feel like their emotional stability depends on you.”
You might value your relationship with this person, but don’t offer support at the risk of your own well-being.
“Healthy relationships involve give and take,” Sueskind explains. In other words, you offer support, but you receive support, too.
Taking care of yourself involves making sure you have enough emotional energy to meet your own needs.
This may not happen when you’re giving everything to someone who doesn’t offer anything in return.
People can change, but they have to be willing to put in the work to do so.
You might want to help someone you care about instead of writing them completely out of your life. But, while you can always offer compassion and kindness, you likely won’t be able to change them.
At the end of the day, they have to commit to putting in the effort. Trying to help someone change before they’re ready can sap your emotional resources further.
Have a hard time turning people down? You aren’t alone.
Sticking to a refusal can also be tough, especially when someone tries to guilt trip you into changing your mind.
But if you do decide to say, “No,” don’t back down. This may prove challenging, especially when they use a dramatic outburst to try to get their way. But the more you practice saying “no” to things you aren’t comfortable with, the easier it becomes.
Removing yourself from the situation can help you avoid scenes. If you can’t physically leave, make it clear you’re no longer involved in the discussion. Say “excuse me” and turn away, for example.
Toxic behavior can make you feel like you did something wrong, even when you know you didn’t.
It’s tough to face attacks from someone who behaves in a toxic manner. They might get personal, try to twist your words, or accuse you of wanting to hurt them. At some point, you might even second guess yourself and rack your brain for something you might’ve done.
But remind yourself their behavior has nothing to do with you. Restate your boundaries and try not to take their spite personally. Take deep breaths to calm yourself or mindfully acknowledge their words so you can let them go without being affected.
People who act in a toxic way “can often sense who they can manipulate,” Sueskind says. “They may move on when they see their tactics don’t work on you.
”
If you’re never available, they might eventually stop trying to engage. This strategy can be particularly helpful at work, where you’re bound to have plenty of honest excuses, like:
- “Sorry, I have too much work to chat.”
- “Got to prep for that meeting, so I can’t talk!”
You might face some passive-aggressive remarks or outright accusations when you make your excuses. Try not to respond, even if you feel upset. Remember: It’s not about you.
Do you dread seeing a particular person? Feel anxious or stressed beforehand? Take these feelings as a sign you may want to see them less.
People who behave toxically tend to focus on themselves and what they want. They might blame you or other people for any problems they have and show little interest in your feelings or needs. This can make spending time with them unpleasant.
If you’re dealing with someone who picks fights with your or repeatedly pushes your boundaries, consider scaling back the amount of time you spend with them.
If you can’t completely avoid or scale back the amount of time you spend with someone, you still have options.
Set boundaries
“Boundaries are essential,” Sueskind says.
Setting boundaries involves deciding what you will and won’t tolerate. Communicate these boundaries clearly and stick to them.
Maybe you don’t mind listening to your co-worker’s dramatic stories, even the obviously fictional ones. But you draw your line at verbal abuse or gossip.
So when they start mocking another co-worker, say, “like I said, I’m not interested in this type of conversation.” Leave the room if you can or try putting on headphones.
Have an exit strategy
If you’re stuck in a toxic conversation and don’t see an easy way out, you might worry that leaving seems rude, especially if you’re talking to a supervisor.
But it’s entirely possible to leave politely. If it helps, consider coming up with a few go-to lines ahead of time that you can pull out as needed.
Try something like, “I’m sorry, but I have to stop you. I’ve got a lot of work, so I can’t chat right now” or, “Sorry, I’m waiting on an important phone call and can’t get into this right now.”
Change your routine
Does a family member always catch you when you’re studying or hold you up on your way to work? Maybe a co-worker always complains at lunch about how horribly everyone treats them.
Ideally, they’d respect the boundaries you set, but this doesn’t always happen. While it may not seem fair that you’re the one who has to change, it’s often worth it for your own well-being
Switching up your routine can help you avoid getting pulled in to conversations you’d rather skip. Try eating lunch somewhere besides the break room, wearing headphones, or reading a book.
Avoiding family members can be harder. Try having a respectful but firm conversation about needing to focus on your studies. If you’re on the way out the door, practice your quick exit strategy: “Sorry, I’m late!”
Encourage them to get help
It’s often difficult to understand why people behave in toxic ways.
But it might help to consider that they might be dealing with some personal challenges that are causing them to lash out. This doesn’t excuse problematic behavior, but it can help explain it.
If you have a close relationship with someone who behaves in a toxic way, consider pointing out some harmful behaviors and explaining how they affect others (if you feel comfortable doing so). If they seem receptive, encourage them to talk to a therapist about why they act the way they do.
“Psychotherapy can help people identify problematic behaviors and learn to manage their emotions and reactions in healthier ways,” Sueskind says.
Don’t get personal
Sueskind recommends keeping interactions with the other person superficial. “Be clear about how you are and aren’t willing to engage,” she suggests.
Toxic behavior can involve gossiping, oversharing personal details, or using personal information to provoke reactions.
If you know someone who does these things, keep your conversations light and insignificant.
Shut down attempts at prying or oversharing with, “Actually, I prefer not to talk about my relationship at work.”
Maintain calm
You might wonder how it’s possible to stay calm around the other person when just thinking about crossing paths makes your heart pound.
Stay grounded
Next time you feel anxious in an interaction, try grounding yourself with these tips:
- Breathe slowly and deeply.
- Try relaxing your muscles instead of tensing them.
- Let the words wash over you and silently repeat a calming mantra.
- Distract yourself if the situation allows. Doodle, fidget with an object, or close your eyes and visualize your favorite place.
Work with a therapist
If you have to stay involved with the person, consider getting help from a mental health professional. Therapists are trained to help people work through difficult situations like these and can offer compassionate, judgment-free support that fits your circumstances.
Sometimes, cutting people out of your life may seem like the only way to escape their toxic behavior. But this isn’t always feasible.
If you have to spend time with someone who exhibits toxic behavior, remind yourself their actions aren’t your fault nor your responsibility. It’s important they know what you’re not willing to tolerate.
Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. In particular, she’s committed to helping decrease stigma around mental health issues.
How to Deal With Toxic People: 17 Tips
We all know that person — the one who leaves you feeling worse off after interacting with them. Maybe it’s a manipulative family member or a co-worker who can’t stop complaining about every little thing.
It’s common to refer to these people as being toxic. But it’s important to keep in mind that this term isn’t grounded in psychology and doesn’t have a simple definition.
If you have a hard time dealing with someone in your life, it’s helpful to start by pinpointing problematic behaviors, rather than simply labeling them as being toxic.
Barrie Sueskind, a therapist in Los Angeles who specializes in relationships, shares some key signs of toxicity:
- self-absorption or self-centeredness
- manipulation and other emotional abuse
- dishonesty and deceit
- difficulty offering compassion to others
- a tendency to create drama or conflict
Sound like familiar? Read on for tips on how to respond to this type of behavior.
Some people have a tendency to see themselves as the victim in every situation. If they mess up, they might shift the blame to someone else or tell a story that paints them in a more positive light.
You might feel tempted to nod and smile in order to prevent an angry outburst. This might feel like the safest option, but it can also encourage them to see you as a supporter.
Try respectful disagreement instead.
You might say, “I had a different take on the situation,” and describe what really happened. Stick to the facts, without making accusations.
While your disagreement might upset them, it might also lower the chances they’ll try involving you again.
Dealing with someone’s toxic behavior can be exhausting. The person might constantly complain about others, always have a new story about unfair treatment, or even accuse you of wronging them or not caring about their needs.
Resist the urge to jump on the complaining train with them or defend yourself against accusations. Instead, respond with a simple, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” and leave it at that.
Sometimes simply becoming more aware of how someone’s toxic behavior affects you can help you better navigate interactions with them.
Most people occasionally say rude or hurtful things they don’t mean. No one feels their best all the time, and being in a bad mood can make you lash out. This isn’t necessarily toxic.
But ask yourself if put-downs, lies, or other types of emotional and verbal abuse characterize most of your interactions. Do they apologize or seem to notice how what they say or do affects you?
Personal struggles don’t excuse abuse, and you don’t have to accept it, either.
Someone who gossips, manipulates others, or creates dramatic situations night not realize how their behavior affects you or anyone else. An open conversation may help them realize this behavior is unacceptable.
To keep things neutral, try to stick to “I statements,” which feel less accusatory for the other person, and set boundaries that work for you.
Here are some examples of this in action:
- “I feel uncomfortable when I hear unkind things about our co-workers. I won’t participate in those conversations.”
- “I value trust in friendship, so I can’t continue this friendship if you lie to me again.
On the flip side, behavior doesn’t have to be abuse or spiteful to be toxic.
Other behaviors can be just as damaging.
Maybe the person in question “desperately needs” your help to get them out of a bind — every time you see them. Or, Sueskind says, “you’re always giving and they’re always taking, or you feel like their emotional stability depends on you.”
You might value your relationship with this person, but don’t offer support at the risk of your own well-being.
“Healthy relationships involve give and take,” Sueskind explains. In other words, you offer support, but you receive support, too.
Taking care of yourself involves making sure you have enough emotional energy to meet your own needs. This may not happen when you’re giving everything to someone who doesn’t offer anything in return.
People can change, but they have to be willing to put in the work to do so.
You might want to help someone you care about instead of writing them completely out of your life. But, while you can always offer compassion and kindness, you likely won’t be able to change them.
At the end of the day, they have to commit to putting in the effort. Trying to help someone change before they’re ready can sap your emotional resources further.
Have a hard time turning people down? You aren’t alone.
Sticking to a refusal can also be tough, especially when someone tries to guilt trip you into changing your mind.
But if you do decide to say, “No,” don’t back down. This may prove challenging, especially when they use a dramatic outburst to try to get their way. But the more you practice saying “no” to things you aren’t comfortable with, the easier it becomes.
Removing yourself from the situation can help you avoid scenes. If you can’t physically leave, make it clear you’re no longer involved in the discussion. Say “excuse me” and turn away, for example.
Toxic behavior can make you feel like you did something wrong, even when you know you didn’t.
It’s tough to face attacks from someone who behaves in a toxic manner.
They might get personal, try to twist your words, or accuse you of wanting to hurt them. At some point, you might even second guess yourself and rack your brain for something you might’ve done.
But remind yourself their behavior has nothing to do with you. Restate your boundaries and try not to take their spite personally. Take deep breaths to calm yourself or mindfully acknowledge their words so you can let them go without being affected.
People who act in a toxic way “can often sense who they can manipulate,” Sueskind says. “They may move on when they see their tactics don’t work on you.”
If you’re never available, they might eventually stop trying to engage. This strategy can be particularly helpful at work, where you’re bound to have plenty of honest excuses, like:
- “Sorry, I have too much work to chat.”
- “Got to prep for that meeting, so I can’t talk!”
You might face some passive-aggressive remarks or outright accusations when you make your excuses.
Try not to respond, even if you feel upset. Remember: It’s not about you.
Do you dread seeing a particular person? Feel anxious or stressed beforehand? Take these feelings as a sign you may want to see them less.
People who behave toxically tend to focus on themselves and what they want. They might blame you or other people for any problems they have and show little interest in your feelings or needs. This can make spending time with them unpleasant.
If you’re dealing with someone who picks fights with your or repeatedly pushes your boundaries, consider scaling back the amount of time you spend with them.
If you can’t completely avoid or scale back the amount of time you spend with someone, you still have options.
Set boundaries
“Boundaries are essential,” Sueskind says.
Setting boundaries involves deciding what you will and won’t tolerate. Communicate these boundaries clearly and stick to them.
Maybe you don’t mind listening to your co-worker’s dramatic stories, even the obviously fictional ones.
But you draw your line at verbal abuse or gossip.
So when they start mocking another co-worker, say, “like I said, I’m not interested in this type of conversation.” Leave the room if you can or try putting on headphones.
Have an exit strategy
If you’re stuck in a toxic conversation and don’t see an easy way out, you might worry that leaving seems rude, especially if you’re talking to a supervisor.
But it’s entirely possible to leave politely. If it helps, consider coming up with a few go-to lines ahead of time that you can pull out as needed.
Try something like, “I’m sorry, but I have to stop you. I’ve got a lot of work, so I can’t chat right now” or, “Sorry, I’m waiting on an important phone call and can’t get into this right now.”
Change your routine
Does a family member always catch you when you’re studying or hold you up on your way to work? Maybe a co-worker always complains at lunch about how horribly everyone treats them.
Ideally, they’d respect the boundaries you set, but this doesn’t always happen.
While it may not seem fair that you’re the one who has to change, it’s often worth it for your own well-being
Switching up your routine can help you avoid getting pulled in to conversations you’d rather skip. Try eating lunch somewhere besides the break room, wearing headphones, or reading a book.
Avoiding family members can be harder. Try having a respectful but firm conversation about needing to focus on your studies. If you’re on the way out the door, practice your quick exit strategy: “Sorry, I’m late!”
Encourage them to get help
It’s often difficult to understand why people behave in toxic ways. But it might help to consider that they might be dealing with some personal challenges that are causing them to lash out. This doesn’t excuse problematic behavior, but it can help explain it.
If you have a close relationship with someone who behaves in a toxic way, consider pointing out some harmful behaviors and explaining how they affect others (if you feel comfortable doing so).
If they seem receptive, encourage them to talk to a therapist about why they act the way they do.
“Psychotherapy can help people identify problematic behaviors and learn to manage their emotions and reactions in healthier ways,” Sueskind says.
Don’t get personal
Sueskind recommends keeping interactions with the other person superficial. “Be clear about how you are and aren’t willing to engage,” she suggests.
Toxic behavior can involve gossiping, oversharing personal details, or using personal information to provoke reactions.
If you know someone who does these things, keep your conversations light and insignificant. Shut down attempts at prying or oversharing with, “Actually, I prefer not to talk about my relationship at work.”
Maintain calm
You might wonder how it’s possible to stay calm around the other person when just thinking about crossing paths makes your heart pound.
Stay grounded
Next time you feel anxious in an interaction, try grounding yourself with these tips:
- Breathe slowly and deeply.
- Try relaxing your muscles instead of tensing them.
- Let the words wash over you and silently repeat a calming mantra.
- Distract yourself if the situation allows. Doodle, fidget with an object, or close your eyes and visualize your favorite place.
Work with a therapist
If you have to stay involved with the person, consider getting help from a mental health professional. Therapists are trained to help people work through difficult situations like these and can offer compassionate, judgment-free support that fits your circumstances.
Sometimes, cutting people out of your life may seem like the only way to escape their toxic behavior. But this isn’t always feasible.
If you have to spend time with someone who exhibits toxic behavior, remind yourself their actions aren’t your fault nor your responsibility. It’s important they know what you’re not willing to tolerate.
Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy.
Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. In particular, she’s committed to helping decrease stigma around mental health issues.
5 phrases employees of toxic companies are used to – Work.ua
Teamwork
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- 34956
- Teamwork
How do you know that you got a job in a toxic company? Just listen, if these 5 phrases are heard too often in your office, Work.ua has bad news for you.
Don't like it? Well, go find another job
Frequent use of such a phrase results in 2 serious consequences:
- The position “you can always find something new” leads to uncontrolled staff turnover and constant testing of new employees for strength instead of civilized onboarding. This is definitely not good for the workflow.
- Conflicts are resolved in one way - a disgruntled employee is silenced. A mocking and at the same time threatening question: “Maybe then you will find another job?” is one of the signs of tyranny at work.
No need to change anything
In toxic companies, they often do not want to improve processes and follow long-outdated rules year after year. And if an activist shows up offering to optimize and speed up, and even makes whole plans to achieve higher performance, he is quickly put in his place.
From time to time, when trying to change something, do you come across a blank wall and the conviction that “nothing needs to be changed, let everything remain as it was under Tsar Pea”? Take a closer look at the company, it might be toxic.
Who did it? Well, how can you be like that...
When the lion's share of employees' working time, especially in managerial positions, is spent on finding someone to blame for this or that mistake and scolding him, you can forget about productive work. In addition, if colleagues or superiors become personal and in every way humiliate an employee who has failed, there is an inability or unwillingness to give correct feedback. Something urgently needs to be done about this.
I work longer, I know better / You can't, I'm better on my own
In each company there are 1, 2, 5 authorities (depending on the size of the company). And this in itself is even good: the presence of formal and informal leaders in the team is a necessary thing. It’s bad when authority turns out to be toxic, because then the whole company is under attack.
The toxic "deserved" employee prefers not to share his experience with newcomers, but instead tells and shows the "yellow mouths" that only he knows how to do it right and better than to redo it later.
At the same time, the authority itself may not notice its tactlessness. If you encounter such a colleague, gently convey to him that such behavior hurts other employees. Perhaps he will listen and change his behavior.
Well, it's about to begin...
In a toxic company, this phrase is said in a half-whisper even after the bosses arrive at work. Subordinates in such teams first of all, when the boss appears in the office, try to assess his current mood. And if it’s not the best, they roll their eyes, say with a sigh: “It will start now,” and prepare for the worst.
When the bad mood of the boss in the office is equated with a natural disaster, the company claims to be toxic or is already moving towards it by leaps and bounds.
Bonus: How to save the company from toxicity
If you notice the first signs of toxicity at work, know that everything can be fixed. Do not hush up the problem, identify it and fight. Talk out loud about what you would like to change in the company, with colleagues and superiors.
Point out the possible consequences, even if you stumble upon a wall - water wears away a stone and sooner or later they will listen to you.
See also
- 3 signs of "toxic" work
- How to stop being a "toxic" employee
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November 17, 2015 Life
When you try to become better, change your life, achieve something new, there will definitely be ill-wishers.
But the worst thing is that they can be found among the closest people - relatives, friends, colleagues. How to understand that someone is manipulating you and pulling you back? And is it necessary to delete such a person from your life?
You may have heard the famous scientific joke about a frog: if you throw it into boiling water, the frog will realize the danger and jump out of the pot. If you heat the water gradually, then the frog will not jump out and will boil. The message is clear: in everyone's life there will always be people who interfere, portend troubles and harm when you are trying to become better, but do it so carefully that you can not notice the danger.
Such people - let's call them "toxic" or people who poison life - can slow down your progress for a variety of reasons. Perhaps they think that you will not last long in their life if you succeed. Perhaps they feel that their shortcomings will be more visible against your background. Or maybe they just don't accept the possibility of change.
But the root causes matter far less than the immediate effect they have on you. Their anger, resentment, manipulation or cruelty undermine your strength. At any moment you may find yourself surrounded by poisonous friends, relatives, colleagues who, consciously or unconsciously, interfere with your happiness and personal growth. To feel good, achieve success and happiness, it is important to identify such people in your environment and learn how to manage the emotions that they cause in you.
So let's discuss how to recognize toxic people and how to navigate the complex process of getting rid of such people. Your future depends on it.
How to know that a person is poisoning your life
There are people who are always pulling you back - annoying, quarrelsome, constantly demanding something or simply repelling. But such people cannot be called poisoners in the strict sense of the word. They are just nasty people. You want to keep a small distance from such people, but there is no urgent need to cut them out of your life.
There is a great variety of people who poison life. On the one hand, your old school friend, who keeps talking about how little time you spend together now. On the other hand, an ex-girlfriend who can still manipulate you, leading to fits of anger. Your friend may just be annoying, but your ex is most likely poisoning your life.
Of course, you will have to decide when to just keep your distance and when to cut the person out of your life. The stock of patience for your sister is probably much more than for a colleague, but sisters and colleagues are different.
Now let's talk about real ill-wishers - those who infect, control your life. Here are a few classic signs of people who poison life.
- They are trying to control you. It may sound strange, but people who cannot control their own lives often seek to control yours. Their poisonous influence manifests itself in their attempts to control others both openly and covertly, through subtle manipulation.
- They don't respect your personal boundaries. If you keep telling someone not to do a certain thing to you and they keep doing it anyway, that person is probably poisoning your life. Respect for the boundaries of others is natural for a well-mannered adult. And the people who make your life miserable profit by violating boundaries.
- They take but give nothing. The ability to take and give is the key to true friendship. Sometimes you need a helping hand, sometimes your friend needs it, but you give and take equally. But not with people who poison your life - they will take everything they can from you, and for as long as you last.
- They are always right. They will always find a way to stay right even when they are wrong. They are unusually rare to admit that they messed up, made a mistake or put it wrong.
- They are insincere. This is not about a tendency to exaggerate, save face or other varieties of "white" lies.
This is a clear and constantly repeated dishonest behavior. - They love being the victim. People who poison your life take pleasure in acting as a victim against whom the whole world is against. They are looking for a reason to be offended, offended, ignored, although they don’t really feel anything like that. They like to make excuses, give seemingly reasonable explanations, or completely deny their guilt in what happened.
- They take no responsibility. Part of the victim's behavior is due to a desire to avoid responsibility. “Things are just the way they are”, “We are not like that, life is like this” - phrases illustrating the attitude of poisoners to life.
Doesn't remind you of anyone? People who poison your life can go unnoticed for years. Until you stop to reflect on your experience with them.
Now let's talk about how to get rid of such people.
Why is it so important to get rid of the people who poison your life
It is very rare when ill-wishers completely impede all your attempts to change for the better, but it happens.
Basically, they hinder your progress.
Most importantly, do you want to have a person in your life who actively prevents you from making your life better?
The answer is, of course, no. It may be hard for you to accept this, but only until you realize the impact his company has on you.
Under the influence of a person who poisons your life, you may reconsider an important decision. You may feel sad, uncomfortable, downright ashamed of your progress. You can even adopt not the best qualities of poisoners, for example, begin to envy someone else's happiness. Because all poisonous people have a common feature: they want you to become like them.
More often than not, we simply don't realize that someone's behavior is poisoning our lives. If you have such a boss, then you understand how it works: his behavior makes you irritable and embittered, you break down on your subordinates, then the employees begin to conflict with each other more and more, and then transfer this irritation to family and friends.
And before you know it, the poison has already spread.
How to get rid of people who really poison life
- Accept the fact that goodbye can be long. Cleansing of toxic elements is not always easy. If a person did not respect your personal boundaries before, he will not respect them now. He may return even after you tell him to get out. You may have to say this several times before he finally leaves for good.
- Don't feel like you have to explain anything. You give any explanation to yourself. Tell how you feel, but in a way that it is clear that this is not the subject of discussion. You can do it even easier: gently and calmly tell the person that you no longer want to see him in your life. How much or how little explanation is needed is up to you. Different relationships require a different approach.
- Speak in a public place. It is not surprising that people who poison your life can be conflicting or even cruel.
Public speaking can significantly reduce the possibility of conflict. And if something goes wrong, you can get up and leave. - Block these people on social media. Technology makes it harder to distance yourself, so don't leave an open window through which detractors can terrorize or coax you. You have set your boundaries. Stick to them. This includes preventive measures, such as limiting contacts on social networks.
- Don't argue, just approve new boundaries. It may be tempting to plunge into disputes and conflicts with people who poison your life, but this is exactly what they seek. If they try to come back, avoid discussions. Define your boundaries strongly, and then end the conversation. You are not trying to convince the person to leave you alone. These are not negotiations. So, as the saying goes, don't feed the troll.
- Consider maintaining a distance instead of a complete break. Remember, we talked about a person who can hardly be called poisoning life, but nevertheless he is unpleasant to you? These people don't need to be cut out of your life completely.
You just need to keep your distance, dividing the time for communication with them and for your personal affairs.
It is not always necessary to do all of the above. It all depends on the specific situation. Sometimes it’s enough just to make a decision and increase the distance, especially when it comes to friends and colleagues, this does not require a serious conversation. Remember that you don't have to explain anything to anyone. You can simply slowly and imperceptibly disappear from a person's life in order to stop feeling his toxic effects. Relationships with people like a fire: stop giving him food, and he will go out by itself.
But there is one scenario where you have to act differently. It's about relationships with blood relatives.
What to do if the person who poisons your life is a member of your family
There are no simple recipes and standard answers that will suit everyone and everyone.
Breaking up with a relative who is poisoning your life can be the most important break in your life.
The family directly influences your thoughts, behavior, choices. But relatives are not your owners simply by virtue of blood ties. Kinship is not a license to ruin your life. Remember this.
This is why increasing the distance between the person who is poisoning your life and you is the best solution, whether it be physical or emotional distance.
But in the case of relatives, you will have to make some concessions. You can distance yourself emotionally, but you must be aware that you will still have to interact with this person (for example, meet at holiday dinners or take care of your parents together). In order to keep your distance, you will have to learn to separate the practical activity and the emotional component - you will agree to take part in this person's life when it is really necessary, but do not let him negatively influence you.
It is especially important for family members to make informed decisions. So ask yourself: what kind of return do you get from your family members? How are the holidays going? Can you actually completely cut off all ties with a relative who is poisoning your life? You can answer these questions and decide that you need to end the relationship permanently.
