How to forget about bad thoughts

4 Ways to Stop Negative Thinking

“Humans, and our brains, have evolved such that we are capable of language, something no other mammals have,” explains McLean’s Lisa W. Coyne, PhD.

“Our ability to speak, think abstractly, and reason gives us the ability to plan, problem solve, collaborate in groups, and learn indirectly, in the absence of our direct experience. For example, you might have learned not to touch a hot stove because your parents told you ‘Don’t touch, it’s hot!’”

Moreover, Coyne states, “Everyone has a mind that ‘talks’ to them. We think of this as our verbal mind or our ‘advisor.’ It’s the part of you that is linked to your languaging brain, whose function is to serve as your threat detector.”

Having a threat detector or “critical voice” is a good thing. It points out things that could be dangerous to us, including things that might happen in the future and missteps from the past.

The function of the critical voice is to help us to avoid making the same mistakes so that we are physically and existentially safe.

Keep Reading To Learn

The benefits and harms of listening to our critical voice
Treatments and strategies for managing negative thoughts

How We Experience Our Critical Voice

People “do not hear voices, per se,” Coyne explains. “But we do notice critical thoughts popping up as we go through our days.”

She shares that “we have evolved to experience our thoughts as literal truths. It’s what allows us to learn indirectly by listening to what other people say, rather than only directly through our own experience.”

Our inner voice, Coyne states, “is always on, and it’s overinclusive in its estimation of what is threatening.” These are “features, not bugs” of our critical voice, she says.

“It wouldn’t be a great threat detector if you could turn it off at will, and it wouldn’t be a great threat detector if it somehow underestimated threats, right?”

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Getting Stuck

Our nonstop, always cautious critical voice, Coyne says, is “an incredible ability, a boon to our survival, but also comes with a dark side.”

“People run into trouble when they get stuck listening to their mind solely, rather than being out in the world and noticing that sometimes the mind isn’t correct about what it thinks,” Coyne states.

The critical voice can cause people to focus solely on avoiding unwanted thoughts and to avoid situations that trigger those thoughts. This is defined as “experiential avoidance.”

However, if this is our default for managing unwanted thoughts, it can trap us such that we lose our focus on other, more important things in our lives.

This focus on getting thoughts out of our heads not only captures our attention, but it also often backfires—sometimes the more you try not to think about something, the more it sticks around.

Coyne offers a real-world example of how this works: “My mind may say something like ‘Better not speak up in that meeting, people will think you are stupid, and that would be embarrassing. ’ I might experience a physical reaction (my heart rate might increase). Or an emotional reaction (I’ll feel nervous),” she shares.

“And, of course, I’d have a cognitive reaction (should I not speak up? What’s the right thing to say so I don’t look stupid?). This is important because we also treat unpleasant or unwanted thoughts—even though they are just thoughts—as actual truths that we must avoid, or fix, or suppress, or change.”

Self-Acceptance and Mental Health

Dr. Lisa Coyne discusses the importance of self-acceptance for better mental health and answers audience questions on how we can be more accepting of ourselves, each other, and our daily lives.

Watch the Video

Detaching From That Critical Voice

“Having a critical, threat-detecting mind isn’t the problem,” Coyne asserts. “Rather, it’s our response to that critical mind that can trap us.”

To avoid these, Coyne reports that some people engage with mental health professionals by using cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). “This approach will teach you skills for how to manage these types of thoughts by helping you undermine their faulty logic or overestimation of threat.”

Approaches like acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) or acceptance-based behavior therapy can also be helpful. These methods, Coyne says, “help you change your relationship to your thoughts, such that you become more skilled at noticing them mindfully and making a space for them without reacting so that you are no longer hooked by them.”

In essence, you might notice your critical mind chattering away at you, but it will no longer take up central importance it once did and leave you free to choose what direction to take in your life.

Simple Steps to Stop Negative Thoughts

While some may need to seek help from professionals, Coyne says there are “simple steps that folks might practice, helping them detach from that critical voice and build more joy and vitality and connection in their lives. ”

1. Pause a Moment

If you are feeling stressed, anxious, or stuck in negative thinking patterns, PAUSE. Focus your awareness on the world around you with your five senses.

2. Notice the Difference

NOTICE the difference between being stuck in your thoughts vs. experiencing the present moment through your five senses. Notice also what you have been up to in your mind.

Were you arguing with yourself? Struggling with disproving negative or critical self-evaluations? Trying to push unpleasant thoughts or images out of your head?

Ask yourself whether this mental struggle is serving you well.

3. Label Your Thoughts

If it isn’t, see if you can step back and LABEL your thoughts as they are, rather than literal truths. For example, you might practice slowing down your thoughts and adding to them the stem “I am having the thought that ….”

Continue this practice of labeling, without attempting to soften, change, or avoid whatever thoughts you happen to be having. See if you can notice what it is like to have some distance between you—the thinker—and your thoughts.

4. Choose Your Intention

Once you have PAUSED from your mental struggle, NOTICED what’s happening and how it’s been working, and LABELED your thoughts for what they are—simple, mental weather that will come and go—you are better able to CHOOSE your intention, and the next right step for you.

Are you going to continue to struggle with your thoughts? Or you can choose to take a small step toward something that matters to you in your life.

December 3, 2022

Topics

Lisa Coyne

13 Ways To Overcome Negative Thought Patterns

You view the world through your mental attitude. If that attitude is predominantly negative, it can impact everything, including health, career, family, and more. Furthermore, negative thinking can have a spiraling effect that attracts more negative thinking.

Luckily, we can slowly train ourselves over time on how to think by implementing simple techniques. Below, coaches from Forbes Coaches Council offer their guidance on how to get started.

Clockwise from top left: Julie Kantor, David Taylor-Klaus, Michelle Tillis Lederman, Steven Cohen, Wendy Pitts Reeves, Bill Gardner, Christine Meyer, Woody Woodward, Erin Kennedy, Brett Baughman, Emily Kapit, Jen Kelchner, Dave Ursillo. All photos courtesy of the individual members.

1. Have Daily Negative Thought Time

A paradoxical strategy to gain control over negative thinking is to commit to 10 minutes a day ruminating and reviewing them over and over again. Negative Thought Time (NTT) must be 10 minutes and must be every day. When you have a negative thought during the day, jot it down, and tell yourself that you’ll review them during NTT. Over time, you will gain control and negative thinking will stop. – Julie Kantor, PhD, JP Kantor Consulting

2. Replace the Negative Thoughts

We don't overcome negative thought patterns, we replace them. For most of us, those negative thought patterns are well-worn neural pathways. Four simple steps:

1. Notice when you have started the pattern.

2. Acknowledge that its a pattern you want to change.

3. Articulate what you want to be different.

4. Choose a different behavior — one that serves your goals.

– David Taylor-Klaus, DTK Coaching

3. Be Your Own Best Friend

We are mean to ourselves. Nearly 90% of self-talk is negative. Three steps:

1. Release it. Let it out to help process, not to dwell. Three minutes, then the pity party is over.

2. Track it. Identify when you have negative thoughts. Awareness will enable reframing.

3. Reframe it. Once you know why you are being mean, consider what your best friend would say to you. Then tell yourself what you need to hear.

– Michelle Tillis Lederman, Executive Essentials

4. Write Instead Of Think

Write down why the negative thought is present. Writing versus thinking helps purge the thought out, and when you can see the words on paper or a screen it is easier to make sense of it and move forward. – Steven Cohen, Meyvn Global

5. Make A Conscious Effort To Find Things To Love, Like And Appreciate

Instead of fighting negative thoughts, consciously reach for better feeling thoughts. One powerful way to do that is to speak (out loud if you can) to what you love, like and appreciate. Heading into a tough talk? "I love the way the coffee tastes today." "I like the way this chair feels at my back." "I appreciate the chance to process ideas with my team." Reach for the relief, and you'll find it. – Wendy Pitts Reeves, C2C Consulting, PLLC

Forbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only community for leading business and career coaches. Do I qualify?

6. Ask Yourself Some Tough Questions

Reflect on your answers to some tough questions. 1. What do I get from having negative thought patterns? What's the reward for me? 2. What do I lose by engaging in negative thoughts? What are the costs? 3. What benefits would I receive from engaging in positive thoughts? What costs are associated with thinking more positively? 4. What in my past made me think negatively? 5. What will I do now? – Bill Gardner, Noetic Outcomes Consulting, LLC

7. Establish New Habits

Rather than thinking of it in terms of "overcoming" negative thought patterns, think of it in terms of establishing new habits. You do that by directing your attention to subjects where there's nothing to "overcome": subjects that you already feel good about, and therefore think positively about. That could be your pet, your painted toe nails, being outside, the beach... Start with something easy. – Christine Meyer, Christine Meyer Coaching

8. Stop Watching The Morning News

Research has shown just three minutes of negative news in the morning will significantly increase your chances of a negative experience over the course of the day. Research has also shown that positive mindset increases productivity and satisfaction while reducing errors rates. Mindset is a choice, but not always an easy one. Look to eliminate negative influences and stop watching morning news! – Dr. Woody Woodward, HCI

9. Use Affirmations

When you wake up, open your eyes and feel gratitude for the new day. Write down daily affirmations: "I love the people I work with," "I make positive contributions every day," or "I am open to inspired thoughts." If a negative thought creeps in, think of a success you've had and the feeling that went with it. Positive thinking is a daily task, but worth it. – Erin Kennedy, Professional Resume Services, Inc.

10. Develop Your Success Routine

Every morning for fifteen years, I've done a process I created called "Quantum Programming. " It involves taking time each morning as you wake to meditate and focus on the person you want to be and the quality of life you want to live. You also set a few important goals to keep your momentum building toward your dreams. When you know what you want and are driving at it daily, negativity will fade. – Brett Baughman, The Brett Baughman Companies, Inc.

11. Channel Those Thoughts Into Something Constructive

Negative thought patterns can easily take over, but a fantastic (and constructive) trick is to identify what the negative thought pattern is and a project you're excited about. Then, consciously commit to this: Every time you find yourself focusing on the negative, refocus your thoughts for five minutes on your exciting project. I did this recently and a new initiative is now ahead of schedule! – Emily Kapit, MS, MRW, ACRW, CPRW, ReFresh Your Step, LLC

12. Focus On Gratitude

Gratitude is underrated by most but is essential to a happy life. Life doesn't get easier, but we become stronger as we reframe difficulties by recognizing all of the little good things going on around us. Keep a Good List and refer to it daily. Also, focus on what you really want and be very specific. A focused, positive mind will attract what it is seeking over time. – Jen Kelchner, TeenTrep.co

13. Try Movement And Meditation

As a registered yoga teacher (RYT-200) and a writing coach and author, I know that you can't escape negative thoughts without physically disrupting them. To get out of your head, get into your body. A few minutes of deliberate breath work (seated 10-15 minute meditation) or body movement (like a yoga class)can disrupt those thinking patterns. To get out of your head, move more. Feel more. – Dave Ursillo, The Literati Writers

Forbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only community for leading business and career coaches. Do I qualify?

How to deal with bad thoughts: 7 techniques

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Know Yourself Practices how to

It turns out that there are a number of methods that will help block the appearance of bad thoughts or deal with them if they have already come. These are the methods offered by the American psychologist Daniel Wegner, who has devoted decades of his life to the problem.

1. Switch

Don't try not to think of a white monkey - think of a black one instead. Better yet, a purple flamingo. Try to switch your mind to some other subject that you also like to think about very much, but which at the same time has positive connotations. nine0003

Get yourself a few "continued" thoughts that raise more and more questions and the need for answers to them - and therefore draw you into a completely different stream of thoughts. Is it true that Brad Pitt has silicone muscles? I read about it somewhere. But if so, how does he use them? After all, silicone is not able to contract like real muscles - or is there some way to make it do this?

The more you shake up your emotions, the weaker the brain is before the "alien invasion" of unwanted thoughts

And then there is the conspiracy theory that our Earth is really flat, and only a group of evil scientists have been convincing us for several centuries that it is spherical. Wait, what about satellite images and records from space? And they are falsified by the same scientists. But what about the poles? There is only one pole - the North one, it is in the center of the Earth, which is flat as a disk, and along the edges of the disk there are glaciers that scientists pass off as Antarctica.

And so on - soon the seething stream of this nonsense will take you in a completely new direction. nine0003

2. Avoid stress

Some people find that a strong impression will help them cope with intrusive thoughts, such as a scandal with their neighbors or a naked run through a winter city at night. However, studies show that the more you shake up your emotions, the weaker the brain is before the "alien invasion" of uninvited thoughts. On the contrary, try to calm down and rest - the more strength you have and the better your brain is, the more chances you have to repel an attack. nine0003

3. Set aside bad thoughts

Agree with an obsessive thought - you will definitely pay attention to it, but only later. Include in your daily schedule "half an hour for painful thoughts" - but not before bedtime, but, for example, at the height of the working day. Thinking about what is bothering you during your lunch break will quickly take your mind off your problems and plunge back into work.

Sooner or later, the subconscious will get used to the fact that obsessive thoughts have their own time with strictly defined limits, and will stop pestering you at other hours. Now you can think about how to exterminate annoying thoughts at this time. nine0003

4. Concentrate on the obsession

Once upon a time, a patient came to the great physician Abu Ali ibn Sina, who complained that his eyelid was twitching. Ibn Sina prescribed him an extremely dubious remedy: every hour to begin to blink on purpose with an obstinate eyelid. The patient chuckled, but promised to strictly follow the prescribed.

Meditation is a great way to organize your mind, making your thoughts under control

A few days later he came to thank the doctor. Like the remedy prescribed by Ibn Sina, this method works on the principle of "by the contrary": when an obsessive thought comes to you, try to force yourself to think it over from all sides, turn it this way and that, make yourself afraid that it will slip away from you - and you will soon feel that her grip is weakening and she herself would be glad to escape from you. nine0003

5. Recognize the inevitability of a bad thought

Another way, somewhat similar to the previous one, is to replace the fear of the appearance of an indestructible thought with complete indifference to it. Learn to think of it as something external: for example, if it is the thought that a loved one left you, get used to the idea that this thought has nothing to do with him (or her), but exists on its own: here now I will go to bed, and my number one Thought will come to me again.

Accustom yourself to the fact that this thought does not develop and does not tell you anything new - it just comes and goes, as twelve o'clock at night or winter come and go. And very soon you will feel that she is really leaving. nine0003

6. Meditate

Meditation is a great way to organize your mind, bringing your thoughts under control. Practice it daily, trying to achieve a state of complete thoughtlessness. It is not easy, but if you learn how to do it, you will be able to induce this state at will, including it at the time of the day when you are most prone to bad thoughts, or in the situation when you become most defenseless against them.

Obsessive thoughts are especially fond of people who have neither a major lifelong goal nor an interesting hobby

If an evil thought does not receive positive reinforcement in the form of your willingness to devote your brain resources to it, it begins to weaken - and soon disappears.

7. Think about your goals

How is a bad thought different from gas? Gas, as we know from a physics textbook, occupies the entire volume provided, and a bad thought is not yet provided . .. It teaches us to concentrate on it, forgetting that there is so much good in the world that it is much more pleasant to think about. nine0003

Obsessive thoughts are especially fond of people who have neither a major lifelong goal nor an interesting hobby. Take yourself out of the state of sad thoughts, thinking about the path to success, about what will bring you satisfaction. If you make an effort, you will gradually be able to accustom yourself to positive dreams.

Text: Ilya Nosyrev Photo credit: Getty Images

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Author Irina Rudevich

October 23, 2020

Sometimes it is difficult to stop the flow of unpleasant thoughts that seem to break into your head and give you no rest. We tell you how to eliminate the anxiety that has arisen and not dwell on this state

What are obsessive thoughts

Excessive experiences and repetitive dialogues arise spontaneously. You can go about your daily activities or get ready for bed, but suddenly a thought appears that draws all attention to itself. For many, it seems to get stuck in place, causing discomfort, disrupting biorhythms and disrupting plans. Obsessive thinking is a series of images that are repeated in combination with negative perceptions. The severity of their influence can range from mild but annoying to severe and all-encompassing. Particularly debilitating cases that prevent a person from living a full life are considered in psychiatry as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). nine0003

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Why do we think about unpleasant things

Psychologists do not have a clear answer to the question of where obsessive thoughts come from. According to one theory, repeated anxious thoughts indicate that a person has an unresolved issue and a life stage that has not been completed. It could be stress at work, relationship problems, or an unpleasant conversation with a stranger that happened a few days ago. But they are not always based on real events. nine0003

Everyone at least once left for work with the thought: “Did I turn off the iron?”, which haunted until the evening. “Thinking can be a problem because it rarely offers new ideas or solutions to fix a situation,” writes psychotherapist Jody Virgo [1]. Instead, they emotionally capture the person and reinforce negative feelings.

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It's not easy not to think

It would seem that you just need to switch and forbid yourself to play the same record in your head. But our minds are built differently: when a person tries to avoid thinking, being under the influence of obsessive thoughts, the brain continues to remind us of them with greater force. It's the same principle that when you hear "don't think about the pink elephant" the first thing you do is imagine it. At the same time, thoughts without decisions and actions only take time and emotional resources. “They have no practical consequences, and in themselves they are unimportant,” says physician and writer Deepak Chopra [2]. But that doesn't change the fact that people suffer from obsessive thinking. Here are a few principles to help you deal with it:

Recognize the thought pattern
Put your thought on paper
Think about a solution
Accept separateness of thoughts
Practice meditation and mindful thinking
Contact a specialist

Recognize the thought pattern

To overcome obsessive thoughts, you need to identify them. The patterns may vary, but most of them are repeated over and over again. If a person often gets stuck in a cognitive cycle, then they turn into a habit that is more difficult to get rid of. It's like biting your nails or checking your email every few minutes, that is, actions (or thoughts) occur unconsciously. Caught yourself in a compulsive cycle - study it carefully. As Bruce M. Hyman and Cherry Pedrick write in The OCD Workbook, it pays to “examine these thoughts to understand how they arise and how you respond to them” [3]. nine0003

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Transfer your thought to paper

Once you write down an obsession in a notebook or phone notes, it will no longer cyclically spin your head. But the work is not over yet. It is important to determine the root cause of the negative experience.

For example, you're worried about not getting a response from a friend, or you're worried that you weren't good enough when you gave a talk. Formulate a problem: “I’m upset because I think I offended a loved one in some way” or “I’m afraid that they didn’t take me seriously because I was very nervous during the speech. ” nine0003

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Think about a solution

Sometimes obsessive thoughts are justified and require certain actions. If you seriously think that you have not turned off the iron, ask a family member or neighbor to come in and check if everything is in order. When you're worried about relationship problems, it's easier to ask your partner directly if everything is okay, rather than oppressing yourself with destructive thoughts. Sometimes thoughts cling to the past or rush into the future, and you worry about the future. Try to learn from the experience and evaluate what can be done to minimize stress in the coming changes. nine0003

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Accept Separateness of Thoughts

A difficult but important step in dealing with a problem is to recognize that thoughts are not always in your control. This is a series of neurons that fire in the brain as a result of not always obvious reactions, associations and experiences. Attempts to avoid obsessive thinking, to forcibly get rid of it, can only aggravate the situation. Acceptance can be the key to liberation, but not in the sense that you should give up and leave your mind to be torn apart by disturbing ideas. It is necessary to allow these thoughts to exist, to evaluate them, but not to try to control them. nine0003

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Practice meditation and mindful thinking

Obsessive thoughts cause discomfort because they are accompanied by negative emotions. Meditation and mindfulness exercises will help you get rid of oppressive experiences while you study the “enemy”. Psychologist Seth Meyers, in an article for Psychology Today, defines conscious thinking as “clearing and focusing on what your mind and body are feeling in the present moment” [4]. nine0003

If you have obsessive thoughts, try a few simple breaths, counting slowly to five as you inhale and exhale. You can supplement the practice with physical exercises for "grounding": fix yourself in space, standing on the floor and focusing on the sensation in your legs.

Learn more