How to find love again in your relationship

Fall In Love Again With Partner

A sad, universal truth: Every relationship will hit a point when the fiery excitement of "the beginning" fades and things feel a little...well, boring. Your brain and body simply can't sustain the adrenaline-fueled butterfly feeling for years and years (and it's a lot less sad when you accept that). But losing the luster doesn't mean you're destined for misery—you can (CAN) fall back in love again.

Think about it: When two people first get together, they put a lot of effort and energy into making their partner happy and their twosome flourish. But as time passes and you get more comfortable with each other, it's easy to become passive.

"Relationships grow stale generally because the couple avoids confronting the issue."

“Relationships grow stale generally because the couple avoids confronting the issue,” says Franklin Porter, PhD, a psychotherapist in New York.

That means, then, that falling in love—or back in it—is an intentional act. And while no one half of a duo can make things perfect, you can definitely do your part to refresh your relationship when things go meh.

Here's exactly what to do to fall in love again:

1. Do something to make your partner's life better.

Since you're the one reading this article, you may be looking for ways to feel closer to your S.O. rather than doing things for someone whom you feel a little detached from. But, stay with me: Since "love" is a verb, "when you lead with action, your heart tends to follow," says Seth J. Gillihan, PhD, a psychologist in Philadelphia.

"Plan something unexpected, like doing one of their chores or making them a nice lunch," he says. Doing so reminds your brain that this person is important to you—and seeing their "Aww, thanks babe" reaction will likely make you feel all giddy again.

Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth fell back in love after a hiatus. Peep their relationship timeline:

    2. Spend time away from each other.

    It sounds counterintuitive, but sometimes when things get a little moldy, you need some separation to rekindle the spark. I don't mean jet-setting across the country for a month—but giving yourself the time and space to be your own person.

    “When two people feel their relationship has gone stale, it may feel to them as if they've grown apart," says Stephen Snyder, MD, a sex and relationship therapist and author of Love Worth Making. "But very often the problem is that they've failed to grow as individuals, apart from one another."

    Your fix: Pursue a hobby that your person has no interest in, like a cooking class or hot yoga. "This gives your partner a chance to truly see you as the 'other,'" says Dr. Snyder, which can help them see you with fresh eyes.

    3. Ask yourself what they need.

    Sometimes when you feel disconnected from your partner, the issue isn't a lack of passion but rather a presence of resentment. That comes from a place of you feeling like a victim and them, a perpetrator.

    So take a minute to assess what they're going through and what their particular needs may be (in the moment, and in general), says Gillihan. Are they hungry? Exhausted? Do they need to be embraced?

    Related Story
    • What To Ask Your Partner For A Deep AF Bond

    These questions may be especially effective to ask yourself during an argument, which tend to happen more when you've hit the relationship doldrums. "Then see if there's anything you can do to meet that need," Gillihan says.

    Just like doing something nice for them, responding to their needs can help them feel closer to you—in turn, making you feel closer to them and helping you fall in love again.

    Note: If this exercise is a real struggle for you—perhaps because of longstanding fights or issues—it might be a good idea to see a couples therapist, who can help you work through your needs together.

    4. Spend more

    present time with them.

    Even if you live with your boyfriend (or husband, or girlfriend/wife), chances are, a lot of the time you spend with them is occupied by other things—emails, kids, TV, phone calls, etc.

    But disconnecting from the world around you to truly be with your partner can help you feel the feels again, because it reminds you that, above all else, you two are a team (not two people who connected for no real reason).

    Related Story
    • The Tech Habit That Can RUIN Your Relationship

    One half of this equation is leaving work at work and setting your phone down to spend quality time with your person, Porter says. The other half is a skill you may have forgotten about as your relationship took on a long-term status: listening.

    “Spend some time talking together in a different way,” says Snyder. “One talks, the other just listens. As the listener, see if you can stop yourself as much as possible from merely formulating your own responses. Instead, just listen.”

    It may feel a little strange at first to be so intentional about your daily conversations, but that means you’re doing it right, says Snyder. Everyone wants to be heard. And "that strangeness is where all the good stuff happens.”

    5. Have silly time together.

    Speaking of strangeness, it's super important for people to be able to shoot the sh*t with each other and just kick back and have a goofy grand time. In fact, research shows that couples who laugh together often have happier relationships and stay together for the long haul.

    Try to check yourself when you get annoyed with your other half—did they really do something that bugs you, or can you just laugh it off? And poke fun (in a kind, loving way, obvi) at both them and yourself, in order to keep things light. Just like you did during the early days.

    6. Stop and notice your S.O.

    When you’re dealing with the daily grind, it’s easy to check out and glaze over the person next to you. Sure, you see them every day, but are you really seeing them? Paying more attention to who they are and what they do can help you fall back in love.

    Related Story
    • 35 Sexting Emojis To Add To Your Repertoire RN

    “Noticing your partner, complimenting his or her appearance, or making random gestures of appreciation, will make the other feel more attractive and desirable, and likely increase desire,” says Porter. In other words, bring back some of the flirty texts and extra-long stares you shared when you were first dating, and they'll likely do the same.

    7. Take turns planning surprise date nights.

    Sometimes all it takes to help you reconnect is scheduling a date night—no kids, no friends, just the two of you. To make it more fun, Porter suggests taking turns planning the evenings and keeping the details under wraps.

    Related Story
    • 50 Fall Date Ideas Perfect For Cuffing Season

    "Agree that you'll both be totally open to the other’s idea of a date for the evening,” says Porter. That way, you each get to take part in the surprise and get excited about planning something special—and you both get the opp to do something you actually want to do.

    8. List the ways your partner has made your life better.

    Relationships are sort of like ice cream: They're addictive and delicious in the beginning, but eventually, they lose their appeal. That's because when you get used to something good, you tend to take it for granted.

    So to fight that, "spend 15 minutes writing down all the ways in which your life has been changed for the better by this person," Gillihan suggests. "Include little things, like 'He did the dishes last night,' as well as bigger ones, like 'She taught me that I'm unconditionally lovable. '"

    "Spend 15 minutes writing down all the ways in which your life has been changed for the better."

    Reminding yourself of every asset your partner has added to your life will make you appreciate all the time you've had together and feel newly excited about all the good times that are still to come.

    If that doesn't give you the heart-eyes emoji feels, you may want to consider that visit to the therapist's couch...

    Marissa Gainsburg

    Marissa Gainsburg is the Features Director at Women's Health, where she oversees the magazine's news-meets-trends Warm Up section and Love & Life section. After receiving her journalism degree from the University of Florida, Marissa has spent the past eight years in NYC with her dog Bentley, writing and editing fitness, nutrition, health, sexual health, mental health, relationship, and travel content. She's held previous positions at Self, Allure, and Cosmopolitan.

    Macaela Mackenzie

    Macaela MacKenzie is a journalist covering women’s equality. Her work focuses on sports, the gender gap across industries, and breaking down stigmas in women's health. She has over 2,000 bylines for outlets including Glamour, Marie Claire, Elle, Women's Health, SELF and Forbes. She's currently working on her first book on women's equality in sports. 

    10 Ways to Fall Back in Love With Your Spouse – Influencers of Midlife

    Follow my blog with Bloglovin

    copyright by Michele Linton for the Influencers of Midlife

    Are you surprised to be looking for ways to fall back in love with your spouse and wondering how you got here?

    Most of us remember how the butterflies swirled on our wedding day, as a new life with our partner brought hope for a “happily ever after.” Looking into their eyes, we promised to love them forever, as they hung on every word. 

    “For better or for worse,” we hoped the magic of that moment would stand the test of time.

    Following the wedding celebration was a glorious trip together.  There, we tried on our new titles of husband or wife for size.

    But real life as a married couple began when we returned home. And so did the challenges of balancing a life together against the external forces that threaten that bond. As they say, life got in the way.

    Whether you’ve been married two years or 40, addressing this imbalance is the difference between marital bliss and marital abyss.

    Don’t feel bad about trying to find ways to fall back in love with your spouse. You’re doing the right thing. No one’s marriage is perfect, but when things get off track, we do need to look for ways to rekindle our love. 

    Here are 10 ways to fall back in love with your spouse that just might do the trick!

    1. Practice Empathy

    It’s so easy to vilify our spouses when we only see things through our own critical lens. How many times do you have to ask your spouse to pick up their dirty clothes and put the toilet seat down? You thrive on organization, but your spouse doesn’t care! How selfish and thoughtless, right?  

    Or could your spouse be working so hard under the horrible boss that they have nothing left to give? Or maybe they just can’t see their messiness and disorganization in the way you do? 

    You can choose to be angry and critical or you can approach them with compassion and empathy.

    Empathy and compassion take so much less energy and engender a lot more goodwill.

    Don’t ignore behavior that bothers you, but if you approach your spouse with a sense of empathy, resentment is less likely to build.  And that leaves more room for love to grow.

    2. Learn to Laugh

    Humor is effective to reduce tension and avoid long-term resentment stemming from marital conflict. John Gottman, P.H.D., discusses in his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, how “repair attempts” are so important to de-escalate a couple’s negative interactions.

    Couples who are good friends are most likely to engage in successful repair attempts that de-escalate negativity and allow them to move beyond disagreements, says Gottman.

    What does this look like in real life? To diffuse tension, one couple I know uses the catchphrase, “the more you know” from a television network’s public service campaign. When Zane instructs his husband Michael on how to properly close a cabinet or put dirty dishes on the correct side of the sink, Michael laughs and says, “the more you know!” Zane laughs too but knows it’s his cue to back off.

    When couples can laugh at themselves and at each other, they strengthen their friendship which also fortifies their love.

    3. Write Down Specific Things You Love (or Have Loved) About Your Spouse and Your Relationship

    When life swirls around us and our spouse is annoying, it can be hard to remember why we fell in love.  So we need to make a conscious effort to refresh our memories and prevent a negative thought spiral that erodes our love for our spouse.

    Just as you might start the day with a positive affirmation to feel motivated and happy, write down one positive thought or attribute of your spouse or your relationship every day. 

    Gottman suggests sticking to this daily schedule from Monday through Friday, no matter how you feel about your spouse on any given day. “What you’re really doing is rehearsing a more positive way to think about your partner and your relationship. Like any rehearsal, if you do it often enough, the words (and more importantly, the thoughts) will become second nature,” Gottman says.  

    4. Spend Time Apart

    Can absence make the heart grow fonder? The answer is a resounding “yes!” The need to spend time apart for a closer relationship with your spouse may seem counterintuitive. But Psychology Today reports, “personal time allows us to maintain our individual identities, provides opportunities to do things we like to do, and lets us feel like we have some control over our lives.”

    When we feel replenished through a little “me-time” we can see our partners in a more positive light. 

    Author and educator Rachel Astarte, a couples coach at Healing Arts New York, told Bustle, “in reality, brief periods of solitude recharge our soul batteries and allow us to give even more to our partners and to the relationship itself.”

    5. Plan Special Time Together

    If you think you can stop at spending time apart, think again. Equally important is the need to ensure you have quality time together regularly. Whether it’s walking around your neighborhood together or a weekly picnic, regular time together is essential to maintaining your relationship.

    This couple time “offers a needed break from the demands of everyday life. It’s a time to set aside your to-do list and focus on each other,” writes Winifred M. Reilly, MA, MFT, Marriage and Family Therapist and author of the book, It Takes One to Tango.

    Everyone accepts the seemingly universal premise that date night nourishes your relationship. But for many couples, even finding an hour to spend alone together each week can be challenging. No matter how challenging it may be, this time alone is an essential way to fall back in love with your spouse.

    6. Kiss Like You Mean It

    If the status of your relationship has you feeling less enthusiastic about a boudoir rendezvous with your spouse, you might consider regular intimate kisses to light your fire again. 

    As with sex, kissing produces feel-good chemicals including oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin, which, according to Healthline, can “make you feel euphoric and encourage feelings of affection and bonding. It also lowers your cortisol (stress hormone) levels.”

    If it’s been some time since you and your spouse have rolled in the hay, kissing with no expectation of intercourse may be just the ice breaker you need to get rolling!

    7. Establish a Talk Ritual

    Don’t wait for date night!  Schedule time each day to talk with your spouse. Just 15 minutes can help you stay connected to what’s happening in both your worlds. 

    Find a quiet place, whether it’s the backyard patio or a large closet, and ask each other about your days.   

    Take the opportunity to really listen to your spouse and ask probing questions.

    What went well?  What are they concerned about?  This time will give you insight into your spouse’s mood, offering you a chance to lend a supportive ear.  It also allows your spouse to provide you with needed support.

    Done regularly, this intimate download can help you build trust and friendship, which can carry you through when your relationship is challenged.

    8. Try New Things Together

    While rituals are important, it is also important to try new things as a couple. The American Psychological Association recommends couples try new things to keep their relationship healthy.  

    Doing something new together helps you bond over the shared experience and prevents boredom from settling in. 

    It can be a new restaurant, a new hobby, or an adventurous activity like hiking or skydiving.  Simply trying new things together is another way to fall in love again with your spouse.

    9. Be Unpredictable (in a Good Way)

    Boredom can be the death of a relationship, or at least send it into a long-term coma. Surprising your spouse is another way to keep things interesting. But you don’t need to whisk them off to a second honeymoon in France to achieve the element of surprise.  

    Simply sticking a sweet note in their pocket for them to find unexpectedly, making their favorite meal, or giving them a massage after a long day can do the trick. These things let your spouse know that you care for them.  And they may return the favor in a way that solidifies your mutual bond.

    10. Hold on to Yourself

    You need to retain your sense of self to preserve your relationship. David Schnarch, Ph.D. discusses the concept of “differentiation” in his book, Passionate Marriage: Sex, Love and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships. 

    He defines “differentiation” as “your ability to maintain your sense of self when you are emotionally and/or physically close to others.” He goes on to describe the concept as the balance of individuality and togetherness. 

    “Giving up your individuality to be together is as defeating in the long run as giving up your relationship to maintain your individuality. Either way, you end up being less of a person with less of a relationship,” Schnarch says.

    What does this mean?

    If you don’t maintain your sense of self in a marriage, you will be overwhelmed by it, and the

    marriage will weaken.  

    You need to feel empowered to agree without losing yourself and to disagree without feeling resentful. Schnarch says well-differentiated people “can stay connected to people who disagree with them and still ‘know who they are.’ They don’t have to leave the situation to hold onto their sense of self.”

    So often in long-term marriages, we give up our sense of self and lose who we are to the marriage. The ensuing resentment results not from being distant from our spouse, but from being so close that we can’t breathe.

    If you are uncertain how to regain your sense of self in your marriage, you might consider talking to a licensed marriage and family therapist.

    During quarantine, many of us work, live, play, and eat right next to our spouses. It can be challenging even for the happiest couples to maintain a healthy relationship under these conditions. 

    These 10 ways to fall in love again with your spouse may help reinvigorate your marriage so that you can enjoy each other for years to come. But, if you’ve been to counseling, tried all the recommendations, and you are still struggling to regain your love, you might want to read my post, Should You Stay or Go? Ask These Six Questions.

    Editor’s Note: If you are in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, read no further.  Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which is free 24 hours per day and seven days per week, to get the help that you need.

    Like this:

    Like Loading...

    5 ways to return love | PSYCHOLOGIES


    Man and woman Relationship crisis Practices how to

    I love my husband. But what does it mean? I used to think: what happened to me 18 years ago is love. I fell in love with my future husband so much that I overcame the negative attitude towards marriage and became his wife. I thought that love is a constant, a stationary force that defines a relationship. I experienced it in the same way that most people do: as something unique, lasting and unconditional.

    Of course, this power is still present between us and pervades the moments of our lives. But the work of scientists has opened a new perspective on love. From the point of view of the body, this is a short-term surge in three interrelated areas:

    • exchange of positive emotions with another person;
    • synchronization of biochemistry and behavior;
    • the desire to invest in each other's well-being.
    Love is a renewable resource. Practice and learn how to awaken feelings at any time

    I call the combination of these elements positive resonance. Usually he supports himself, but at some point, short-term ties begin to weaken. This is inevitable, this is the mechanism of action of emotions.

    It is not easy to admit, but from the point of view of the body now, at the time of writing the proposal, I do not love my husband. Positive resonance lasts as long as we are emotionally or physically connected to each other. Attachment remains, but love does not.

    There is good news: love is a renewable resource. Our connection creates a sense of security in the relationship - it's a good breeding ground for moments of love.

    A new look at love pushes us out of a state of contentment, in which we take it for granted, and encourages us to take care of it daily. It motivates us to hug each other, share an inspirational idea or a funny picture during breakfast.

    Practice and learn to awaken the senses at any time. You will ensure health and quality relationships for yourself and your loved ones. Five ways to help you.

    1. Look into the eyes

    When distance separates you, you try to keep in touch. Call, write emails, send messages. The human body is not adapted to abstract love at a distance. He needs more. It longs for the moments of togetherness that occur when people synchronize and behave as one organism, moving in the same rhythm.

    When you enter into resonance with a person, you find yourself on the same biological wave, such a connection is one of the basic conditions for love. Therefore, it is not unconditional. Communication is established at the physical level and develops in real time. Resonance does not tolerate abstractions or intermediaries.

    Touch, voice, repetition of body language and gestures are also forms of communication that promote unity

    The main mode of sensory communication is eye contact. Touch, voice, repetition of body language and gestures are also forms of connection that promote unity. Although in themselves sensual contacts do not turn into love, under certain conditions they become a springboard for it.

    Such conditions suggest a sense of security and a positive emotional attitude. Couples can cultivate these qualities and use them.

    2. Do stupid things

    In one study, I studied how two strangers behaved during their first meeting. It turned out that the non-verbal signals that people send to each other predict the overall assessment of the unity and relationship in a couple. Therefore, it is better not to go to the cinema or a restaurant, but to go dancing or go canoeing together.

    Positive resonance brings together not only unfamiliar people, it helps to strengthen long-term relationships, making them even stronger and happier. One couple experienced this first hand when they took part in an experiment to study the factors that affect relationships.

    Couples who completed fun tasks awakened deeper feelings in themselves.

    They tied their wrists and ankles and told them to walk on all fours to the end of the laboratory and back, overcoming obstacles along the way. At the same time, it was necessary to hold a cylindrical pillow without the help of hands or teeth and not drop it on the floor. The task had to be completed in less than a minute. As a reward, the participants were promised a bag of sweets.

    They quickly realized that the only way to hold the pillow was to squeeze it between their bodies. The experiment became even more difficult. They fell several times and laughed uncontrollably. On the third attempt, they learned to move in sync, met the allotted time and won the prize.

    But not all couples had so much fun during the experiment. For other subjects, the organizers prepared boring unhurried tasks. The hands and feet of the participants were not tied. They took turns slowly crawling on the mat and pushing the ball in front of them.

    Scientists confirmed the hypothesis: couples who performed fun tasks awakened deeper feelings in themselves. They noted an improvement in the quality of the relationship, showing more understanding and less hostile behavior in subsequent discussions.

    Such activities strengthen feelings of love and unity, even if the partners have been together for a long time. Because couples who constantly try something new, exciting and silly, live in happier marriages.

    3. Create a shared story

    Intimacy is a pleasant and safe feeling. It occurs when you know that the person truly understands and appreciates you. A mutual sense of trust allows partners to be more open with each other. Under such conditions, love blooms at unexpected moments.

    Ten years ago my husband and I were driving around my hometown. I was driving and trying to find my way to the store, which I had only been to a couple of times before. I made a mistake and turned the wrong way, we drove into a dead end. I stopped the car and stared at the front of the store. I hung for only a few seconds, but my husband found it funny.

    The more open you are to each other, the more common ground you will find

    "Stuck on a gravel road?" he teased me. And we both laughed at my reaction. My husband used this phrase many times to tease me for my slowness in unexpected situations. He knows me very well and understands that surprises take me by surprise.

    He doesn't see it as a fault, doesn't criticize or get angry about it. My feature has become a family joke. This love not only quickly brings me back to life, but also strengthens our bonds. The people you love give you a shared past, security, trust, openness, and plenty of opportunities for intimacy.

    The more open you are to each other, the more common ground you will find. You will have more reasons for laughter, common interests, calmness and enjoyment.

    4. Appreciate the good

    A colleague and I studied how kindness and understanding circulate in a couple and create moments of positive resonance. And we found out that some people know how to thank better than others. A feeling of gratitude arises when you acknowledge that a person has worked hard to make you feel good.

    Many give thanks for a thing or service they have received. But it is best to use a good deed only as an occasion for gratitude, to emphasize the good qualities of the person who did it.

    Gratitude helps to show love and strengthen relationships

    Show your partner that you see and appreciate his personal qualities in good deeds. This way of gratitude is more effective: the partner feels that he is understood, appreciated and taken care of. It boosts self-esteem and helps you feel better in relationships.

    Saying thank you is not a tribute to etiquette. Gratitude helps to show love and strengthen relationships.

    5. Accumulate positive emotions

    Marriage emotion management expert John Gottman advises couples to accumulate shared positive emotions. They will help you through difficult times. He found that couples in whose relationships positive emotions prevail over negative ones cope better with contradictions and resentments.

    When discussing difficult issues, they do not respond negatively to negative. Instead, they show care, recognition, or hope. This creates space for a constructive conflict resolution. Couples with a rich history of positive resonance are better equipped to defuse the emotional bombs that each partner has.

    You can accumulate positive resonance and use it later. Small investments in your "contribution" do not disappear. They accumulate and pay dividends in the form of long-term resources that can be used in a difficult situation.

    About the author: Barbara Fredrickson is a psychologist and author of Positivity: The Upward Spiral That Will Change Your Life.

    Text: Zhanna Omelyanenko Photo Source: Getty Images

    New on the site0003

    “How can I get rid of the feeling that I am lagging behind others in any business?”

    "Back to the 90s": why do we believe in Vanga and tarologists again

    Why are we friends?

    “I can't leave my alcoholic husband. He became like this because of me”

    “For two years I talked with a foreigner on the Internet, and then I found out that he has a model girlfriend. Will he write to me again?..”

    Why strict mothers are dangerous for daughters: a new study by scientists

    Why divorce is not always the best solution: the opinion of a family therapist

    8 ways to fall in love with your partner again - Knife

    Ammanda Major is Head of Clinical Practice at Relate. Couples often come to her for therapy complaining that they no longer feel in love with each other. She reassures them that this is a very common problem: “In long-term relationships, everyday worries come to the fore. Without realizing it yet, the partners feel that they are moving away from each other.”

    The reasons may be different: perhaps you forgot why you fell in love with this person, or you simply reached that comfortable stage of the relationship, in which there is no longer any place for passion. But how reasonable is it to hope that the state of being in love will last for decades? Sexologist and relationship therapist Kate Moyle says: “Love and sexual relationships change over time, but you can get very close again. However, one should not expect stability from this sphere.”

    But if you feel that you have cooled off towards each other, do not count on the fact that this will pass with time. “Nothing will change if both partners don’t work on the relationship. I often hear something like: "I thought / thought that everything would work out by itself." Well, that's not true."

    So, is it possible to bring love back into a relationship? And if so, how to do it?

    1. Be realistic

    Of course, you would like to return to those glorious days when you just met and could not tear yourself away from each other. But since then, life has changed a lot. Perhaps you didn't have children at the time or didn't need to work so hard to increase your income. Over time, you discovered qualities in your partner that annoy you, because at first you did not know each other very well. Here's what Major says: “It won't be like before, because now you know much more about your partner and about what it is to live with him or her. It all depends on what you consider love. It is believed that falling in love helps a couple get together; when it passes, there is a deeper, more complex and richer sense of intimacy. And this does not mean at all that partners no longer consider each other cool, interesting and sexy.

    2. Be interested in your partner

    Look at your loved one with fresh eyes. Analyze your relationship and find out in what situations and circumstances you were really interested in your partner. Once you understand when and why this happens, you will be able to pay attention to him or her more often.

    3. Put Relationships First

    In a long-term relationship, novelty wears off and is replaced by a sense of security and comfort.

    “We may call it boring, but relationships, like many other important things, have to be worked on. Relationships should be a priority, and work on them should be included in the daily to-do list. If you feel that the distance between you is increasing, you need to build bridges,” says Major.

    4. Look to the root

    “If you don't want your partner anymore, it may be connected not only with sexual, but also with some other problems in the relationship. Often, the true cause of dissatisfaction is not at all the one that is voiced, ”Major believes. According to Katherine Woodward Thomas, a relationship therapist who coined the term “conscious separation,” the cause is not the most serious or dramatic thing, but rather a minor little thing that “destroys trust and a sense of unity. Very often, as a lack of love, we perceive small disappointments, easy rejections, small unfulfilled hopes - these are the moments when we rely on a person, but he is not around, or when we need support, and instead we receive criticism from a partner. Falling in love, in her opinion, is “the feeling that you are together. One way to restore that feeling is to be able to share what's bothering you."

    5. Talk about your needs
    Daily responsibilities or important life events, such as losing a job or caring for children and elderly parents, also affect relationships and can cause feelings to fade.

    “In any relationship, there are times when you can't give your partner as much attention as before, because you need to do other equally important things. In such cases, it is useful not to close the communication channel. It is often enough to take just a little time to show your partner that he is still important to you, that you love him and care about him. At the same time, you need to clearly identify your needs, too, ”Major says.

    Try to set aside time for conversations (don't forget to put your phones away). It is not necessary to dedicate a whole evening to this and turn the conversation into a full-fledged discussion - you can just take a walk or chat in the car.

    “How to get back that precious time just for two? If you succeed, it will be easier for you to tell your partner how important they are to you,” says Major. And Moyle advises to sort out those things that you would like to change. Is it physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, or both? Maybe one of you will say, “I wish I could get a little more help from you. Could you go grocery shopping this week?” I often give couples this task: first they have to promise to do something, and then ask for help. It is always a matter of mutual agreement, one partner cannot do all the work.”

    6. Focus on the result

    It can be difficult to tell your partner that feelings have cooled down.

    “The truth can be very painful. If you want to say something that may hurt the feelings of another, always try to offer options for the development of events. For example: “It’s very difficult for me to talk about this, but I want us to become closer, and therefore we need to do this,” says Woodward Thomas.

    If you immediately indicate your positive intentions, you can smoothly start a difficult conversation.

    7. Start now

    It's never too late to rekindle feelings, but the sooner you start working on it, the better. If you delay this moment, you will have to deal with a lot of problems, resentment and negative manifestations: “It is always better to be proactive in resolving problems in relationships and sex, but this is very difficult for many couples because they do not want to rock the boat. ” However, there is a chance that such conversations will not lead to the desired results. “Couple therapy is designed not to save relationships, but to help people understand their needs and desires. Many relationships exist without intimacy, sex, or love, but they can collapse at any moment, ”says Moyle. It could be a love affair or something more mundane, like being late at work or over-indulging in your hobbies.

    8. Remember who you fell in love with
    Thomas Woodward recommends making a "thank you list" of your partner's strengths. This will help you “remember how hard it is to be human. We all have moments when we are vulnerable, when we need help and sympathy. But it happens that we behave nobly, like knights in shining armor. When your partner is going through hard times, it's helpful to remember what amazing qualities they have and support them."

    Perhaps your partner has changed and is not happy about it. Woodward Thomas says: “I really think that sometimes feelings cool down just because your partner stopped loving himself - and you agreed with him.

    Learn more