How to deal with vindictive people

What Is Vindictive Narcissism and How Can You Cope?

The vindictive character. The revenge plan. The lack of remorse and empathy. This is how narcissistic personality disorder is often and inaccurately portrayed in pop culture.

A highly stigmatized and misunderstood condition, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is never a personal choice.

Instead, it’s a complex mental health condition that goes beyond a few stereotypical behaviors or attitudes.

Can a person with narcissistic personality be vindictive? Yes. However, vindictiveness isn’t an official symptom of the disorder, nor is it exclusive of people living with mental health conditions.

Only a mental health professional can accurately diagnose narcissistic personality disorder.

NPD affects around 5.3% percent of the U.S. population. It’s more common in males.

A grandiose sense of self, an intense craving for admiration and recognition, and fantasies of unlimited success are just three of nine narcissistic traits.

As with many other mental health conditions, not everyone experiences the same symptoms of NPD or with the same intensity. In this sense, narcissistic personality can be thought of as a spectrum.

In fact, everyone can act out grandiosity and other aspects of narcissism in certain situations. This doesn’t mean they live with the disorder.

The difference between narcissism as a personality trait and NPD as a mental health condition is how persistently it shows over time and across all situations.

“We all have exaggerated when telling a story out of excitement,” explains Nicholas Hardy, a psychotherapist in Texas. “But someone who is narcissistic constantly exaggerates their stories and discusses their achievements with an aura of overinflated importance — to the point that they may become defensive when questioned or when someone challenges their idea of superiority.”

In some cases, someone may present with more symptoms of narcissistic personality or experience them in a more intense way.

When this is the case, some experts call it “extreme narcissism.”

Narcissism is not a personal decision.

Most people with the condition aren’t even aware of their symptoms and how they may affect their relationships. They may, however, experience these symptoms intensely and pervasively.

Many experts refer to extreme narcissism as when narcissistic personality symptoms become so persistent and intense that they may begin to have an even greater impact on the self and relationships.

“There are always varying levels of a disorder,” Hardy says. While there may not be a clinical distinction, Hardy explains everyone experiences narcissistic personality differently.

“In many ways, they are incapable of seeing outside their own false beliefs and have an ‘at all costs’ mentality,” Hardy adds. “Even when it’s not about them, they often create scenarios that redirect others’ attention.”

There’s also a difference between overt and covert narcissism: Some people with narcissistic personality might act very dominantly and with a sense of superiority (overt narcissism), while others may have the same inner beliefs but act these out in more subtle ways (covert narcissism).

In general, someone who is vindictive might tend to hold grudges and “get back at you” when they feel you’ve wronged them in some way.

Everyone can act in vindictive ways in some situations, and not everyone who does lives with a personality disorder.

In the same way, not everyone with narcissistic personality acts vindictively.

Vindictive narcissism isn’t a formal diagnosis. “Vindictive” refers more to how someone with the disorder may act in some situations.

A vindictive behavior in someone with narcissistic personality might be an extreme manifestation of their symptoms. It’s usually a result of what some experts call narcissistic rage.

“Often, this individual will personalize any experience that brings into question their own false beliefs,” Hardy explains. “They view differences as personal attacks and respond in ways that attempt to terrorize whoever is responsible.”

In other words, someone with vindictive narcissism may tend to feel extremely and permanently hurt by someone else’s rejection, boundaries, or contradictory behavior. In turn, they may react intensely and with a need to counteract this perceived opponent.

“That opponent is rarely a [true] opponent, but instead how the narcissist has configured them in their minds,” Hardy says.

Vindictive behavior might look different in every case. Sometimes, it might be about sabotaging another person. In other instances, it might be saying something hurtful or using something they know against the person.

The trigger for this vindictive behavior might also be different in every scenario.

Someone with narcissistic personality might react with rage after someone doesn’t give them the attention they seek, if another person gets the promotion they think they deserve, or when someone contradicts them in something they’re saying.

Or, says Hardy, “If any argument starts, they may bring up past secrets and use them against you in ways that are hurtful.”

Is everyone who does you wrong or says hurtful things during an argument a “narcissist”? Absolutely not.

As with other mental health conditions, there’s a lot more involved. Only a mental health professional can make an accurate diagnosis.

The causes of NPD, in general, aren’t well understood or established.

Researchers think several factors could play a role, including:

traumatic events
abandonment
excessive criticism from a loved one
abuse
discrimination
excessive pampering
a family history of NPD or other personality disorders
growing up in an individualistic culture

“Some consider narcissism to be a pathological state, along with other personality disorders, such as antisocial personality disorder and borderline psychopathy,” explains Chivonne Henry, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Miami Gardens, Florida.

In other words, Henry says, they may have low empathy for others. As a result, they can’t understand or relate to other people’s pain or how they cause it.

When someone doesn’t see a direct link between their behaviors and how other people feel, or don’t gauge those behaviors’ repercussions, they might tend to act in more vindictive ways when they feel hurt.

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition with complex cognitive and behavioral processes. It affects how you see yourself, others, and the world in general.

Someone with the condition might interpret situations in a different way and perceive them as challenging or threatening to their integrity, even when they’re not.

Underneath an apparent sense of superiority, there might also be an exaggerated need to feel approved and loved, and a vulnerable self-esteem.

In this sense, some people with NPD might experience any hint of rejection as a trigger for vindictive behavior.

These triggers could be:

being critiqued at work, even if constructively
having their opinion or experiences challenged
someone else getting all the attention in a given situation
not getting a promotion, even if they just started working at the place
someone not following their advice or instructions
a loved one developing another important relationship
having their boss praise someone else’s work

These actions might not be directed at the person with NPD. For example, a boss praising a co-worker doesn’t imply they think anyone else’s work is not as good.

But for someone with the disorder, this instance can be perceived as a direct threat or challenge to their own worth. This might lead them to feel the need to sabotage that co-worker who’s getting attention, for example.

Being in a relationship with someone with narcissistic personality can be challenging. It might be particularly difficult if they act in a vindictive way.

Whether they’re a friend, a co-worker, a family member, or a significant other, you might want to do a few things to protect yourself emotionally — and, occasionally, physically.

Set boundaries

“The most important way to protect yourself while in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic is to establish firm boundaries,” Hardy says. “In establishing these boundaries, it is important to firmly establish your ‘why’ and ground yourself in what you know to be true based on your values and beliefs. ”

Someone with the disorder may try to challenge these boundaries or try to convince you to adjust them. Stand firm.

Any compromise you make will most likely benefit them, and that, according to Hardy, is an unhealthy compromise.

Also, consider keeping those boundaries, even when they’re “family.”

Admittedly, it can be really challenging for some people to set these kinds of boundaries, especially if the person with NPD is a close family member.

“When the vindictive narcissist is a family member, we often feel an inherent obligation to remain committed to the relationship based on pre-established norms,” Hardy explains. “I often hear comments such as ‘But that’s my mom’ or ‘We always go over there during Thanksgiving.’”

But it doesn’t matter if that relationship is predetermined by genetics.

“When unsafe, these customary norms lead to further damage and perpetuate unhealthy cycles,” Hardy says.

That’s why it’s even more important that you set the terms of engagement with this person based on your own needs and safety.

Vocalize your terms or boundaries

When you set your own terms, the person with NPD has a chance to understand them and either accept them or walk away.

This is a way of playing fair and letting them know what you will or will not tolerate.

If they can’t accept your boundaries — or repeatedly challenge or combat them, especially in vindictive ways — then you can take steps to further protect yourself.

“Stand up for yourself and be assertive,” Henry says. “Do not let their disrespect of you go unchallenged. If they say hateful and disrespectful things to you, and then you do not have anything to say… you are validating their position.”

Hardy agrees: “I would recommend moving towards accepting what the relationship is not, and exploring other avenues to get similar needs met.”

And sometimes, that might mean walking away from the relationship, especially if they’re constantly acting in a way that hurts or harms you.

Don’t second-guess yourself

In some relationships with people with NPD, you might second-guess or overly question yourself. This may be because some people with narcissistic personalities may use manipulation tactics and games.

“When this occurs, there is also a tendency to lose your ‘voice’ in the relationship and always rely on their ‘better’ judgment,” Hardy says. “This has devastating repercussions on one’s confidence and self-esteem.”

Try not to internalize

When a person is acting vindictively, they might say things that seek to define you in a certain way. “You’re so weak” or “You’re always imagining stuff,” for example.

Consider reminding yourself that they’re hurt and perhaps trying to hurt you, too, due to how they inaccurately perceive a situation as threatening.

It’s important that you don’t internalize these hurtful comments or assume responsibility for their behavior.

How they act is never your fault — no matter what they might say to shift the blame.

Remember, they have a condition that might distort the way they interpret your behavior or any given situation.

Shelter from their anger

This one can be quite challenging, especially if they say something hurtful toward you. But it’s important.

“Limit attempts to ‘prove them wrong’ during fits of anger,” Hardy says.

You might feel what they’re saying is incorrect. It might be so. But someone with NPD may not ever admit to it. Trying to convince them could simply result in an escalation of the conflict.

In addition, your own anger won’t serve any useful purpose.

If they say something hurtful or mean to you, don’t respond with an insult or hurtful statement back at them, Henry says.

“Sometimes the only appropriate response is to quietly remove yourself from the situation and not engage in a response,” she adds.

Develop a safety plan

As in any situation where violence may arise, having a safety plan in place is highly advisable.

“A vindictive narcissist is not always physically violent,” Hardy says. “Although they may have exploitative behavior or extreme responses to certain experiences, this does not always mean they will physically assault you. ”

However, if they do harm you — or threaten to — it might be a good idea to develop a plan to leave the relationship safely.

“None of us has the right to carry out violence or be violent with someone else,” Hardy says.

If you’re unsure of how to leave your relationship, reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 800-799-SAFE, or chat with them online.

Consider asking for help

It’s natural to feel confused about leaving a relationship with what some people might call “a vindictive narcissist.” For you, they’re a friend or a loved one.

It’s OK, however, to seek help and emotional support to cope with what is going on in your relationships.

Consider talking with other friends and family members about what you’re going through.

You might also want to consider seeking the support of a mental health professional yourself.

“Being in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic can be extremely challenging and difficult,” Hardy says. “Without clear and consistent boundaries, the psychological impact can be detrimental to your long-term social and emotional health.”

A counselor, therapist, or other mental healthcare professional can help you develop practical tips to cope with your emotions and the relationship.

“Even after a relationship ends, the residual effects can have long-standing ramifications,” Hardy says.

This is why you might also want to seek support after and if you decide to leave.

Suggest they seek help

Therapy does have the potential to help someone with NPD change how they relate to others and themselves.

It can also help lessen their chances of developing other mental health conditions, including:

anxiety disorder
depression
substance use disorder

Be prepared to accept if they don’t follow your suggestion, though.

Research indicates that people with NPD might have a difficult time becoming aware of their behaviors or seeking help. Some don’t stay in therapy long enough to lead to long-term changes, too.

This is why it’s a good idea to focus on supporting your own mental health.

Being in a relationship with someone with NPD can be challenging. It can be even more difficult if they have an extreme — or vindictive — tendency.

Even when this is the case, though, it’s never a personal choice they make. They live with a mental health condition that may distort the way they interpret the world and themselves.

This doesn’t mean you have to accept behaviors that may hurt or harm you. Setting firm boundaries, avoiding escalation, and walking away from the relationship might be steps to consider.

What They're Like and How to Handle Them

4 minutes

We've all met, or might even be close to, a vindictive person. They're defined by their absence of empathy and lack of emotional regulation. How should we handle them?

Written and verified by the psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Last update: 08 December, 2021

Vindictive people follow the old Talion law to the letter, ‘an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth’. Some serve their revenge cold, like Edmond Dantés. Others are hastier and seek any way to immediately avenge their anger and feel some sense of relief.

Deception, betrayal, and physical or moral attacks. These are just some of the reasons why someone may feel vindictive. However, these feelings always start from a very specific dimension: the loss of one’s integrity.

The person who wants revenge longs to inflict the same damage on the other person, thinking that it’ll make them feel better. Nevertheless, this doesn’t always happen. Indeed, they often feel no sense of calm or justice. As a matter of fact, generating in others the same pain that they caused merely places the perpetrator, in many cases, at the same moral level.

Dr. Michael McCullough is a psychologist at the University of Miami and an expert in the mechanisms of revenge and forgiveness. He explains, that we all completely understand the idea of wanting to hurt those who hurt us. However, what stops us from carrying out this behavior is impulse control, ethical principles, and emotional regulation.

Without those dimensions, we’d merely be animals in an asphalt jungle.

“It is useless to meet revenge with revenge: it will heal nothing.”
-JRR Tolkien-

What are vindictive people like?

Revenge forms the backbone of a large number of book and film plots. For example, Hamlet avenges the death of his father. Then, there’s the aforementioned Count of Monte Cristo, the unforgettable character of Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights, and the successful Millenium saga. In the cinema, Kill Bill or John Wick come to mind, but we could name dozens more.

This tends to suggest that, if there’s one human emotion we all often connect with, it’s revenge. Of course, we know that in real life it’s not legal to act as Lisbeth Salander does in Millennium. However, we feel satisfied because we empathize with their motives. The problem comes when we have to deal with vindictive people in real life.

In our daily lives, these behaviors aren’t always understandable and can even generate fear. One example of this is the individual who doesn’t accept a breakup and initiates threatening behavior against their partner. Also, the co-worker who, for unknown reasons, starts a harassment campaign against another colleague.

The desire for revenge can be understood when someone has suffered an act of violence or injustice against them. However, some harbor this feeling as a result of envy, insecurity, and even certain personality disorders.

Characteristics that define vindictive people

There’s a psychological trait that differentiates vindictive people from those who, despite having been wronged, know how to forgive. This is narcissism. The University of Oklahoma (USA) conducted research that claimed that the most vindictive personalities present a narcissistic personality disorder.

This explains several things. One of them is that there are certain individuals who feel hurt by largely insignificant and even incomprehensible acts. In fact, their egos are so sensitive that they get hurt by the slightest thing and they don’t hesitate to seek revenge. They’re identified by the following characteristics:

Jealousy, insecurities, and negative thoughts. Vindictive people experience this drive because of their insecurities and low self-esteem. As a matter of fact, sometimes, just seeing others succeed stirs up frustration in them and a desire to hurt.
Lack of empathy and difficulty managing emotions. Another variable that defines this profile is the inability to handle emotions such as anger. When they feel angry, they don’t hesitate to pile their feelings onto others. This acts as a cathartic mechanism for them.
Show of power and sadism. This is another darker and more worrying factor. Sometimes, vindictive people perform harmful acts for the mere pleasure of doing harm and also to impose their power on others.

How to deal with vindictive people

Most of us empathize with many of the revenge stories we see on the big screen. Nevertheless, this is just a way of projecting ourselves into realities that, as we well know, aren’t always permissible in our daily lives. As Confucius pointed out, before embarking on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.

We can seek justice through legal mechanisms, but never through violent acts. That’s why we must be careful with the vindictive personality profile because if there’s one thing that defines these kinds of people, it’s acting out of irrationality. However, how can we defend ourselves against these problematic profiles?

It’s important to take into account that men and women with these impulses may be suffering from a personality disorder. Nevertheless, people who are vindictive and obsessed with causing harm always present a potential risk to us and we must protect ourselves from them. Therefore, we should avoid them whenever possible.

These people really aren’t worth mixing with. Their lack of empathy will only intensify our discomfort and despair. Indeed, they’re dangerous figures and it’s better not to have them around. As Albert Einstein said, “Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore”. Let’s keep this in mind.

It might interest you...

How to behave if you are being avenged?

All questions → Lifestyle → Psychology

Asks Kokoshina Evgenia May 08, 2013

Probably, there is no need to comment much that there are vengeful people who will not miss the opportunity to answer the offender, to take revenge, so to speak.
Some say that revenge is the lot of the stupid and narrow-minded, and you should not pay attention to them. Others argue that the vengeful are the most dangerous adversaries.
Who says that it is easier to make friends with vengeful ones.
How to deal with vengeful people? Are they afraid?
Or, are these people really not quite healthy and should we treat them with understanding?
Your opinion.

Answers

How to behave if you are being retaliated?

The question is very interesting. I don't think you should be afraid of revenge. Because if you are a kind person and do no harm to anyone, then this revenge will not cause you anything bad, but will return like a boomerang to the one who wishes you harm. It seems to me that revenge makes worse the person who takes revenge, and not the one who is being avenged. Because this evil eats him - he thinks about how to take revenge, he has no peace in his soul.

Well, ideally, in order not to take revenge on you, you don't need to do what it is that they can take revenge for. And if some kind of conflict has already turned out, then you need to try to resolve it without reaching a sense of revenge.

Dmitry Sergeevich 08 May 2013 08:45

Gotta ignore

Or to win him over to your side with kindness, but in no case take revenge on him in return

Good can overcome evil

Vlad Shilovsky 08 May 2013 09:02

How to behave if you are being retaliated?

Here, it seems to me, everything depends on the specific circumstances and the reason for revenge.

If the reason is not serious, and revenge is petty and aims only to spoil you and ruin your mood or career, try not to pay attention or have a serious talk with the "avenger" - perhaps the cause of revenge is a misunderstanding or something else that can be discussed and corrected.

Well, if the cause of revenge is serious and the actions of the avenger threaten your or someone else's safety, poison your life, force you to change your established lifestyle, then don't wait until you have a heart attack or a brick falls on your head - go to law enforcement agencies with a statement about threat to your life and health. ..

Sergey Alexandrovich 08 May 2013 09:43

How to behave if you are being retaliated?

When one person takes revenge on another, it means there is a reason for it. And it is worth thinking about this to the person who is being avenged. What did he do so badly, for which such a reaction subsequently went. First, you need to change something in yourself so that in the future, there will not be too many avengers.
Secondly, such people are simply not worth paying attention to. Those who take revenge, first of all, want to bring a person to emotions, make him suffer and experience, as the avenger experienced and suffered.

You need to learn to treat everything calmly, with a certain amount of a joke, in the form of entertainment (once again to laugh and be positive), to ignore. True, this may take some time, but the result will not be long in coming.
You can somehow talk with the offender, clarify the situation and dot the "and", in some cases you can even ask for forgiveness and leave in a good way. I would not continue to communicate with such people, once he began to take revenge, reconciled, he can also beat more painfully the second time (having already studied his weak points).

The mood is spoiled by the fact that a person spoils it for himself, because he reacts violently to revenge. Until we stop taking everything that surrounds us with all seriousness and a storm of emotions, we will continue to be provocative and self-suggest to ourselves that revenge is a terrible thing.
The main thing is to treat what is happening calmly and adequately.

But revenge, of course, is different, it can also go as far as murder. In this case, before doing something, you must first think so as not to cause a reaction of revenge on the part of the offender. Here the police can already save)
Unreasonable revenge cannot be a priori.
Ignore, calm perception of what is happening and everything will be fine. And best of all, remove this person from your "contacts" list. Good luck!

Atlantis 08 May 2013 10:12

Revenge is a dangerous thing.

People are different and the revenge coming from them can be anything.
Therefore, it is worth being on the alert.
It is best to try not to bring things to such a state.
If possible, immediately sort out and solve all problems.
But it is sometimes impossible to do this, and then you will have to solve the problem in other ways.
There are enough levers of influence and it is up to you to decide how to behave in such a situation.
You can not react to revenge (if revenge is petty and dirty), or you can turn to the law (if revenge becomes dangerous).

As you understand, there are other ways to solve this issue in this "fork".

Valery Nikolaevich 08 May 2013 10:39

Fair revenge can take place, for example, if it is revenge on a traitor.

Revenge out of envy, malice - not just revenge. You need to stay away from such people, not depend on them in anything, but it is best to stop any relationship with them once and for all, even to the point that these people should not know your place of residence.

And when thoughts of revenge become obsessive, then this person must be urgently referred to a psychiatrist.

Oleg Vasilyevich 08 May 2013 11:37

★★★★

How to behave if you are being retaliated?

I know that kind, intelligent, self-sufficient, spiritually rich, beautiful and healthy in soul and body (yes-yes!) people will never take revenge.
Therefore, for yourself it is worth making a psychological portrait of the one who takes revenge on you.
It is unlikely that a beautiful, educated, literate woman who is successful with the opposite sex, or who has a beautiful figure, knows how to dress stylishly, does not have material problems, etc., will begin to take revenge.
It won't even enter her head, because there will be no time.
Here you need to smile, work here, help a child here, joke here, talk there, support your husband. When to take revenge?
And some "Baba Yaga" will do it with pleasure. What does Baba Yaga have? One tooth, and that one is rotten, a hump, a mustache and a full bag of anger.
No one loves her and will not love her. And so it goes on knurled))

Well, you can behave in different ways. You can say directly "you are Baba Yaga and no one loves you," or you can troll benevolently. For example, saying "how cute or smart or gifted you are (alternatively).
I, perhaps, for humor. Wasting energy on the vengeful is not the best thing to do. And then, they are just waiting for their "program" to work.
Drawing up a psychological portrait and humor!

Evgenia Kokoshina 08 May 2013 12:26

★★★★★★★★★★

How to behave if you are being avenged, probably, the degree of closeness with a person is important here.

It's one thing if it's a family member. Here it is necessary to clarify relations with a person, to solve some problems.
It's hard if this is a work colleague and takes revenge not for something specific, for the harm done to him, but simply if you are luckier, more competent, etc., that is, out of envy. In my experience, in this case, it is impossible to appease a person, because it is impossible to eradicate the problem in him. Here, probably, ignoring the person as far as possible will help, and connecting the authorities to this problem, otherwise you can then find yourself in a very unfavorable light.

And so, perhaps the best thing is not to contact such people, not to maintain relationships, not to try to prove or change something.

It happens that you really offend someone, then the person takes revenge, ask for forgiveness - does not react. Here it is worth accepting as a fact, as I think, to come to terms with this decision, the will of another person. And defend yourself with a clear conscience. It happens, at least with me, that you begin to “forgive” such actions, as it were, saying to yourself: “well, yes, I offended, now he has the right to behave this way.” Here is a big mistake.

I believe that no matter what we are and no matter what we have done, we have the right to forgiveness and do not deserve revenge. There shouldn't be revenge at all.

Natalya Viktorovna 08 May 2013 16:09

Make friends with those who avenge you... Are you serious? Can you really make friends in this case? I don’t believe it ... Is it possible to pretend to be a friend, then to take revenge in turn. And become like this character.

What to do? Finding out the relationship, as a rule, is a disastrous business. You can try, but once or twice. Did not work out? So it won't work.
Trying to remake an adult - well, you understand...
I.e. it is unlikely that the situation could be corrected. What remains? Accept it and finish for yourself. Those. move away from this person, delete him from life. Ignore is the best way out.

Well, let him puff himself up there, try... The main thing is that it doesn't hurt you internally. You're right? This is the main thing.

Elena Anatolievna 09 May 2013 03:23

How to behave if you are being retaliated.

What have you done, dear, if you are afraid of revenge. It might be better to ask them for forgiveness. Like, I was unreasonable, please excuse me. So you are gnawed by the thought of answering for what you have done. The best way is to go to church and confess.
Any person in itself is not vindictive and can understand any situation. But if the thought of revenge does not leave him and he tries to take revenge, then it is you who are to blame for this and not the avenger. There are no such people who, due to stupidity, will waste their time on revenge. Each person is born for love and happiness. And if an outsider got into someone else's life with his snout, spoiled, ruined everything in it, then, of course, vindictiveness woke up. And even more so if his life has changed cardinally and there is no improvement, then this person, by the will of fate, becomes vindictive towards you. And whatever you do, you will have to answer according to the severity of the law of life. Sorry for both of you. Although if he forgives, God will never forgive. And in any case, the answer will overtake at the most inopportune moment, regardless of whether you have been forgiven or not. The answer will have to be before God.

The most reasonable answer to you is to ask for forgiveness from the one you have harmed. Ask for a long time and ask again, and confess in the church after forgiveness. Only your notion of evil itself will God forgive you.

Zuikova Svetlana Nikolaevna 12 May 2013 02:58

You are being avenged on how to behave.

When you are being avenged, try to ignore this person. If a person is smart, he will understand everything and stop taking revenge. A fool will take revenge and think that he does not take revenge, but restores justice. There is such Egyptian wisdom that the wisest is the one who knows how to subordinate his feelings to the dictates of reason. Both the wise and the fool can be angry, but the fool, blinded by anger, becomes the slave of his anger. In the heat of rage, he himself does not know what he is doing, and all his actions turn into evil for him. Therefore, be wise.
Wiesław Brudzinski said about people who take revenge: I am to blame for him, therefore I must take revenge on him. I completely agree with these words. It's just that because of the feeling of anger and resentment, they do not realize this and do not admit it.
Treat them better with understanding. A smart person will not take revenge. Revenge is for the weak.

The sweetest revenge is forgiveness

Dmitry Alexandrovich Sep 28, 2013 10:40

★★★★★★★★★★

How to behave if you are being avenged? As already mentioned in one of the answers above, you must first find out the reason why you are being avenged. Because revenge does not appear out of the blue. In such a situation, you need to behave as follows: ...

Andrey Bystrov 28 Sep 2013 11:24

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5 effective tips on how to communicate with difficult people

Contents of the article

Almost anyone can find a common language with a nice person, when common topics are immediately found, the conversation becomes interesting and exciting. But how often do we come across such people?! Sometimes you have to establish communication with difficult people at work, in everyday life, and not everyone can cope with this. This skill can be useful for you to complete tasks and solve various problems. Let's take a look at 5 working methods that will help you cope with even the most difficult personalities.

Be calm

Being calm will help you hide your emotions and prevent another person from influencing you. Most conflicters deliberately behave in such a way as to piss off a person and begin to sort things out with him. Here it is important not to succumb to tricks, take a couple of breaths, relieve internal tension and calmly continue the dialogue. When a difficult person feels that you are confident and not going to defend yourself, then he will lose the desire to behave in this way.

Empathize with the interlocutor

Often difficult people behave defiantly because they are overwhelmed with pain that eats from the inside. In such a situation, a person needs sympathy, not abuse and punishment. Therefore, try to put yourself in the place of your interlocutor, feel what the person feels, and pay attention to him.

Consciously interact

Conscious communication is when you can disengage from negative emotions by remaining calm, reasonable and direct throughout the conversation. This is the ability to conduct a constructive conversation, not paying attention to sarcasm or irony. For example, to interrupt the endless stream of thoughts, ask directly "what do you end up offering?".

Learn more