How to date if you are shy

Shy and Dating? Helpful Tips from a Psychologist

Have you always been a shy person? Have family members and friends have pointed out this quality about you? Most people find this an endearing quality, but when it comes to dating it can be a real obstacle.

For shy people, talking to new people can be challenging. But if you’re shy and trying to date, it can feel impossible!

Shyness doesn’t always have to make dating so uncomfortable. Think about shyness not as “just the way I am” — but as something that can be lessened over time.

Avoidance and Dating

It’s particularly helpful to keep an eye on the harmful aspects of shyness that can make dating extra tough, such as avoiding meeting people and avoiding people who might be interested in you.

What’s the link between shyness and avoidance when it comes to dating? If you’re a naturally shy person, dating can feel intimidating for a few reasons: 1) it’s a one-on-one activity, which can leave you feeling pressured to carry the conversation; 2) it can be lead to a discussion of personal topics, which can be daunting for many shy people; 3) you might be worried about your date developing a bad opinion about you; or 4) you think you’re bad at making good conversation. All these reasons can make dating a scary prospect for someone who’s shy.

In the short-term, avoiding dating may feel like a big relief — like getting to play hooky from school! However, in the long term, continued avoidance can lead to an unhappy love life and can lead to loneliness, despair, and negative self-esteem.

General Dating Tips for Shy People

Write out the pros and cons of asking someone out. Which list wins? Do items on one list carry more weight than the other?
Practice confidence while asking someone out by standing tall, smiling, and speaking clearly. These are all nonverbal signs that convey confidence. You might even find that practicing these steps may actually increase confidence!
Handle rejection carefully. If you get turned down for a date, consider carefully why that is. You might assume it’s because there is something wrong with you. But couldn’t there be a variety of other reasons unrelated to you? Try not to jump to conclusions, and don’t let rejection keep you from trying again.
Pick a date activity ahead of time. For a shy person, making conversation over dinner might be the toughest thing to do, especially if the entrÃ©e is taking forever to be served. Instead, try planning an engrossing activity for a date. Examples include wine tasting, blueberry picking in the summer months, horse-riding, or attending a cooking class. These activities (and others) can allow you to focus your attention on the activity at hand while still allowing some time for good conversation.

Tips for When You’re On a Date:

Shift your focus to the other person. Often, shyness and discomfort increase when our focus is on ourselves — our own thoughts, insecurities, appearance. Shifting your focus to your date and the conversation can help you feel more present and engaged.

Catch yourself mind reading. Do we really know what the other person is thinking of us or are we just guessing? Mindreading is often inaccurate and quite distracting.
Practice an easy manner with some sense of humor. Dating while feeling shy can feel intimidating and demanding! Try to break the tension (with yourself) by smiling, walking leisurely, sitting laidback and comfortably, and cracking a joke or two. (Just be careful not to overdo the jokes.)

We hope that these tips help you get a date and enjoy it. However, keep in mind that there is a difference between ordinary shyness and social anxiety. Social anxiety is a clinical condition marked by 1) fear of negative evaluation by others, 2) avoidance of social settings (often large settings but sometimes small too), and 3) difficulty with intimacy.

Experiencing difficulty putting yourself out there — online or in-person
Feeling afraid of what your date may be thinking about you
Showing limited eye contact and experiencing overpowering shyness
Finding yourself trying to read your date’s mind while together
Difficulty speaking or finding yourself “rambling”

If you think you have social anxiety, we recommend that you seek professional treatment and contact us at the Manhattan Center for CBT. Otherwise, happy dating!

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6 Tips for Overcoming Shyness and Dating as an Introvert

Dating can be nerve-racking for introverts, so it’s important to identify your anxiety triggers and have a plan.

Although most people struggle at least a little in the dating world, dating often poses additional challenges for introverts.

Of course, introversion and shyness aren’t the same thing. Being introverted means feeling drained of energy after prolonged social interaction and needing time alone to “recharge.”

Shyness, on the other hand, is anxiety about negative judgment in social situations, ranging from mild nerves to severe anxiety disorders. Some people may be shy extroverts or socially confident introverts.

However, there are plenty of shy introverts. Because of the perceived high potential for social judgment and the need for prolonged social contact, dating can seem daunting for a shy introvert. And when you throw a pandemic into the mix, dating’s been put on hold for some of us, too. (But at least we now have plenty of time to prepare ourselves for when we do date again!)

Here are some tips I’ve used to overcome shyness and get more comfortable in the dating game.

1. Identify your anxiety triggers, like awkward silences, and how you’ll handle them.

If you’re considering trying out dating but are feeling anxious, it can help to analyze these worries and where they come from. Ask yourself, “What exactly am I scared will happen?”

Thinking back to past stressful social situations and remembering the moments you felt anxious can help you identify what triggers your anxiety. For example, was it the moment of walking into a crowded room and feeling people’s eyes on you? Was it wondering if you said the “wrong” thing in conversation? Was it an “awkward” silence that put you on edge? (If you are anxious that you will run out of conversation topics, you can solve this by preparing in advance and having questions ready to ask your date. )

Making a note of what specific events or thoughts trigger your anxiety — and how you reacted — can help you identify potential problems. Once you’ve identified these obstacles, you may be able to avoid them or even realize they are not so scary after all.

2. Practice self-love, like reciting positive affirmations.

Sometimes, shyness stems from low self-esteem or a fear of judgment by others. If you feel anxiety before walking into a crowded bar, party, or social event — well, in pre-pandemic times — you are probably well aware of how shyness can influence your daily life.

Fear of judgment can come from a low sense of self-worth. If you feel confident and have a positive relationship with yourself, you are less likely to fear others’ judgment. Even confident people can feel a little nervous before certain situations, though, such as meeting new people. However, if this interferes with your ability to live a happy life, it is worth trying to tackle the root cause of the problem.

Experts say that self-love techniques — think mindfulness, positive affirmations (such as “I am a catch that the right person will never let go”), and learning to recognize and challenge negative thought patterns — can help you be at peace with yourself. Knowing that you are worthy of love and affection will help you overcome dating-related shyness and have healthier, more enjoyable relationships.

3. Consider online dating, which allows you to get to know someone before agreeing to meet.

If you are uncomfortable with unpredictability and prefer some idea of what to expect from a date, online dating may seem less intimidating. There are even two introvert-friendly apps, Birdy and SoSyncd, that match you based on your Myers-Briggs personality type.

You may be thinking, “How could it be less stressful when you’re talking to (and having your online dating profile judged) by complete strangers?”

It’s true — the idea of uploading pictures and descriptions of yourself somewhere they can be seen by a public audience can be nerve-wracking. But there’s also a positive side to online dating: Dating sites and apps allow you to check out a person before you talk to them and get an idea of what they’re like to communicate with before you agree to meet in person. In a way, online dating is perfect for introverts since we get to think (and overthink) before messaging someone.

Plus, since many of us are stuck at home these days due to Covid-19, online dating is the safest option right now. If messaging does escalate with anyone, you can then determine if you’d like to meet for a safe, socially distanced activity.

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4. Plan your dates, from the location to the time frame.

The internet isn’t just useful for meeting people to go on dates with; it can also help you plan out your date’s specifics. If you’ve been messaging with someone but are nervous about going on the first date, choosing a venue you’re comfortable with can help you relax. (Again, with Covid-19, keep safety protocols in mind; there are plenty of outdoor activities you can do, for example, like taking a walk.)

If the other person suggests a location — like an outdoor cafe or coffee shop — you can check it out online and look at pictures and reviews, so you know what to expect (since introverts don’t like surprises!). In addition to choosing venues you’re familiar with, choosing activities you know you’ll enjoy can set your mind at ease, too.

Introverts often struggle with socializing for long periods of time without feeling overstimulated and burnt out. To remedy this, planning your dates to last no more than a couple of hours, for instance, can help you avoid this problem. A standard piece of wisdom is that it is better for a date to be too short than too long — and this is even more important for an introvert.

If you meet someone that you really click with, you may find that your nerves decrease and that you get more comfortable around them. After a few dates, you may be able to spend many hours on end with them without feeling drained, which is definitely a great sign.

5. Avoid self-medicating, like drinking too much alcohol.

Some people try to overcome shyness in social situations by having a drink — or three — for “liquid courage.” This solution may work in the short-term, but relying on alcohol, increased dosages of a medication, or other substances, is likely to lead to future dependence. As well as the health concerns, there is also the danger of getting into unsafe situations around strangers.

In some cases, the consequences are merely embarrassing rather than disastrous. I have a socially anxious friend who swore by a shot of vodka to calm his nerves before a first date — that is, until the night he went for two shots instead. The next morning, he woke up and remembered that he’d had several beers and fell off a chair … all in front of his date.

Dates at bars can be fun, and you don’t have to avoid having a drink, but be careful!

6.

Be honest: It’s OK to tell your date that you’re feeling a bit shy or anxious. (Maybe they are, too!)

While you don’t want to overshare, dating experts say, being honest about who you are as a person is almost always best.

For example, letting someone know that you are a little shy or anxious before the date is perfectly OK. Most people will be understanding and non-judgmental. After all, it is very common to have at least a few nerves about meeting up with a stranger and going on a date.

If that person is judgmental, rude, or dismissive, you dodged a bullet — you don’t want to date someone like that anyway. Plus, who knows? Maybe your date will be an introvert, too, and completely get where you’re coming from!

Aside from being honest about feeling nervous before or during a date, being honest about who you are — through your actions and conversation — is essential. Sometimes, feeling shy or having low self-esteem can lead us to pretend to be someone we are not. But, ultimately, doing this is not worth it; it’s not fun trying to keep up an act around someone.

Try to remember that dating, despite sometimes being stressful, is supposed to be fun. Don’t put pressure on yourself to be perfect at it or to impress everyone you meet. In the words of Dr. Seuss, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

❶ Methods ❷ Tips ❸ Instructions from Akloni

Shyness to some extent is inherent in any living creature. So, man, you don't have to think that you're the only one who tightens your anus when a pretty stranger asks for directions to the library.

Article content:

How to meet a girl if you are shy? 7 ways to overcome shyness

Causes of shyness in guys
How to stop being shy? nine0010
Raise the level in communication with girls
What if the guy is very shy? Algorithm of actions

With this one can live… in splendid solitude with your right hand, or muster up your courage and start associating with women everywhere to practice the skill. But, without understanding the root cause, it is difficult to change the approach to communication with the opposite sex. Agree? Let's figure it out.

Causes of shyness in guys

Shyness and fear are inherent in us by nature. If not for these feelings, humanity would have died long ago. Especially the men. Have you seen those creepy videos where guys repair sockets without protection or stand on a ladder that is about to get fucked? This is debilizm, not looseness. nine0003

A person is arranged in such a way that he actively perceives the opinion of the environment at his own expense. This is most pronounced in adolescence, when hormones are naughty, sperm toxicosis is at its limit, and acne and a tongue in the ass make it difficult to find a normal girl. So all your problems and troubles today are the result of the past. Squishy people live with it, afraid to invite a woman on a date, normal men pick up eggs and solve existing problems.

1. Raising a Handy Boy

The ability to communicate with women is as important as mathematics. But we are not taught this in school, so every guy goes through different stages of tackles:

A creepy boy hits on girls like trash. He considers himself better than the girl and deliberately lowers her into a position from below. Confidence radiates from him, he shows with his whole appearance that he is a male. Everyone has tried this at least once, after watching stupid movies.
Sleek gentleman. Stuttering speech, inept flirting, shirt in trousers, trousers in socks, because that's what my mother taught. Parents, especially mothers and grandmothers, often told us that girls should be courteous and gentle. But how it should be in reality - no one explained. Say "thank you" for such instructions to romance novels. After all, only there men communicate with ladies with epithets and shower them with rose petals. nine0010
Somehow it happened. Oh, and you're already dating. The girls wanted a relationship so much that they themselves offered them to the guys. And if you were at least a little cute and had some status in the company, the girls showed their sympathies without hesitation.

Boys were brought up to be comfortable. How can you develop confidence if you are not allowed to show it? No way.

2. Low self-esteem

The experience of past relationships leaves a strong mark on our subsequent behavior. It's hard to deal with shyness when the girl you had a strong crush on sent you. nine0003

When the first relationship ends before it has even begun, a person may decide that all this sweet bullshit is not for him. You dragged her daisies with sweets, and she twirled her tail and threw a contemptuous look at you. Someone will say: “Well, she went with her fuckers!”, And you harbored a grudge against all the girls in the world. And this resentment grew into embarrassment in front of the opposite sex.

3. Fear of communication

At a time when teenagers were actively meeting and licking around the corner, you pumped your elf to a new level. And there seemed to be an interest in the girls, and the pussy stood in the morning, but there the boys are waiting for the attack of the new castle. How to refuse them? nine0003

All the boys were fond of computer games, and some of the boys in their 30s and now do not mind playing Sony Playstation. And there is nothing wrong with that, as long as virtual life does not replace reality for you. At 16, it's easier to hang out with friends you've never met than with real girls. After all, you need to communicate with them about something, kiss somewhere.

There are a lot of such people who do not know how, but really want to please girls. But most sit on their asses evenly and continue to play elves, and at night they chase eggs in order to somehow relieve tension. It depends only on you: will you remain a shy guy or will you become a confident man? nine0003

How to stop being shy?

First, think about what you want more: invite girls on dates in batches or give a fuck about relationships? After all, you can overcome shyness, but for this you have to blow your ass off the couch and start chatting with girls. Are you ready for this? Super!

Some guys hate women in general. No, gays just calmly communicate with them, they just knead clay with each other. You can communicate with women on everyday topics: “The package is not needed, there is a card”, “Can I pay for a communal apartment?”, “Zinochka, when will the salary be, do you know?”. Are you not sick of everyday communication with women? So you're not a babophob. It's already good. nine0003

How to find a girl if you are shy? Soberly assess your fears. There can be many options, but the main ones are:

What normal girl would pay attention to me? I don't like the abnormal ones.

Walk down the street, sit in a cafe and see what kind of men girls meet. Most of these men outwardly - not a fountain. Because they take others: confidence, calmness. They feel the core.

What to say to a girl to please her? What if she refuses, what if she sends the hell out...

Suddenly you can only crap. Stop thinking about who will say what! Aren't you tired of playing alone in the evenings and waking up alone? Even if you do not aim for a stable relationship, no one has canceled sex.

Yes, girls will refuse and throw me into the friend zone. 3 will refuse, and 1 will agree, and it’s up to you to decide: continue to dry for the girl of your dreams as her friend or overcome shyness and show her your feelings. nine0003

What will the grandmothers around say if I invite a girl on a date in front of everyone? Seriously? Grandmothers may cackle on the bench, but the rest don't care. Man, seriously, no one cares about each other's problems.

Now think about it, you invite a girl you like on a date. What can go wrong? She will refuse. And that's it! So what? This one will refuse, the next one will agree. There are many girls and most of them are beautiful and smell good. nine0003

Raise the level in communication with girls

What to do if the guy is shy? Close your eyes and get to know each other. Girls can be conditionally divided into ranks. So, start with an average rank if you have never asked a woman out on a date.

It is with experience that confidence in actions and understanding of how to pick up girls will come to you. Only in vanilla films do girls fall straight into the hands of men, and there is a spark, an explosion, love. No, if you want to find the one with whom you will have a normal relationship, it is you who should start your communication. You don't dream of being a henpecked, do you? nine0003

What if the guy is very shy? Algorithm of actions

When meeting girls, it takes a couple of minutes to understand whether she liked this man or not. Therefore, here is an algorithm for preparing for an acquaintance:

Work on the exterior. If you do not feel confident in yourself because you yourself do not like your appearance, no normal girl will reciprocate your feelings.

First, sign up for a rocking chair. It's a myth that men with full jars are stupid. “She should love me for who I am” - no, she should not. Girls also have the right to communicate with men they like. Yes, you can be a pig and speak your teeth very well, but first you need to invite her on a date, that is, to like her. nine0003
By the way, in the gym even shy guys can meet a normal girl. Here it is up to you to decide: to show by your behavior that you are an alpha or to ask for help with the exercises.

Review your wardrobe. If you want to attract the attention of a status girl, sportswear and a T-shirt from the market will obviously not add points to you in her eyes. Okay, start not with branded clothes, but at least with more or less decent ones. Further, I think you will figure out what the girls will like. nine0003
Work on your body language. Non-verbal body language can tell a lot about a person. Girls feel insecure like lionesses prey. Only they, unlike predators, do not pounce on shy boys.

A woman is obviously looking for a strong male who radiates calmness and confidence. So take a closer look at successful men, how they move, sit, talk. Such behavior will attract the attention of even the most inaccessible girl. nine0003
Add confidence in the conversation. Listen to how you sound. You can even record your voice on a voice recorder. What does it look like the most? The roar of a self-confident lion or the squeak of a rat? A woman wants to see a man next to her, from whose gaze she simultaneously flows and faints. They never get into the friend zone. And with gentle natures, you can discuss the former and talk about clothes.

“Excuse me, please”, “Can I…” - such communication puts you in a position from below. You say only words, and the girl hears:
“Oh, my goddess, may I kiss and wash your sweet feet with honey water? You can spin me just like I would like to spin you on my dick. But I can’t, because I am the most gentle gentleman!”

And that's it, she already has power over you. In a relationship, the main thing should be a man. That is, it is you who leads the conversation in the right direction. Can't you do that? Start with online dating. It is easier to communicate with girls there, because she does not look at you. In correspondence, you can think about how to properly show your sympathy and invite a girl on a date. But it's better to call her right away. On the phone, you can do the same, but you will hear her voice, and she must hear your confidence. nine0003
When you call her, you will already be head and shoulders above all these couch shitty machos who can only send their pisi in a personal.
Don't forget your sense of humor. No matter how shy you are, jokes can smooth out any awkward communication. So that the girl wants to continue to communicate with you and does not feel awkward from your jitters, push the joke. This will lighten the mood nicely.

Just keep in mind that vulgar, religious and political jokes should not be given out on a first date. nine0003
Gain experience everywhere. Believe me, you can meet a girl anywhere: on the street, in a club, in a restaurant, in a supermarket, bus or gym. If you like a girl, feel free to approach.

Until you get at least 10 rejections, you will not understand how to find a girl if you are shy. “What am I going to do with all these beauties?” - you ask.

Half will immediately throw you into the friend zone. It's just an asshole of possible relationships for a shy guy, so for such girls you can remain just a friend. Yes, boys and girls can be friends without sex. nine0003
But from the rest, you can choose the one you can date. Girls are ambiguous in many matters: it is important for them to feel the one and only, but without healthy competition they are bored with life. So you need to make it clear that you are the last tough guy stuffed pie and that woman over there has already left a deposit for you.
Pump over masculine qualities. To get normal communication, and not a monologue of a dying mumu, you need to pump yourself not only in the hall. Women feel the energy of a man and are led precisely to her, and not to the presence of eggs and a penis. nine0003
To please a girl, you must have:
• Responsibility. That is, you are responsible for your words and reinforce them with actions, and not just bullshit left and right.
• Ambition. Yes, during the first communication, this quality will not help much, but for the development of relationships it is extremely important. You should have a plan for at least the next couple of years. The girl will not be long on your noodles: “I will find a job tomorrow and become a millionaire.”
• Perseverance.
“Girl, can I meet you?” nine0115 “No”
“Well, okay. Not for you, my dick has grown to 25 cm”
Every girl loves checks and excuses, especially at the dating stage. So her “No” most often means yes, but get me.
• Decisiveness. The sexiest thing about a man is the ability to solve problems on his own. Moreover, not only their own, but also the second half. It's not as hard as it might seem, to call a girl, for example, you also need determination.
Be interesting. Take the average beautiful girl. You're definitely not the first guy to like her. And to get her number and consent to a date, come up with something more original than “Madam, does your mother need a son-in-law?” nine0003
Yes, you don't need to be very sophisticated, but it would not hurt to adhere to the elementary rules of decency, seasoning them with light greyness and flirting. Everything in you should say that only a fool can miss such a man.

I told you what to do if the guy is shy. Enjoy and share the results!

#acquaintance , #embarrassment nine0003

Hello, my name is Anton Glomozda!

I help men believe in themselves, realize their potential and live the life of their dreams. For this in 2016 i founded the Academy for the Comprehensive Development of the Personality of a Man, within which I give tools to achieve goals and success in all areas of life. To date, the academy has more than 10,000 graduates. nine0003

If you are interested in my full path,

click on the link and read biography

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Is he shy? Gotta take it! - KP.

Komsomolskaya Pravda

House. Family Relationships MAN AND WOMAN

Varvara VOLNAYA

April 27, 2018 1:53

What incredible joys can be discovered by meeting a shy person

Picture: Katerina MARTINOVICH

Women like impudent people. They are self-confident, they are brutal, they grab you by the waist and overturn in a passionate tango, they promise stars and sunsets... And if we choose, then it is easier to choose them, because they are better seen. They attract attention.

But not everything is so simple.

Here is my friend Lida, who has been dying all her life because of bright brutals, always taking off, and then breaking her heart, accidentally married a shy man.

At first, Lida did not notice him for a long time. Because her eyes were looking for impudent. But when all the impudent people around managed to disappoint Lida, leave, deceive, or simply inhumanly tire, Lida decided that a break was needed. It was then that her eyes fell on Vova. Vova, so shy and quiet that Lida periodically forgot about him, starting to pull up her tights right in the office. Yes, and Vova himself did not really make contact - he was shy, apparently. nine0003

But one day, when Lida was buying a salad at the store and was digging into her purse looking for a card, all of a sudden some psycho in line started yelling at her. And then a quiet Vova grew up nearby and calmly led the psycho out of the store.

Now Lida is married to Vova, thanks the Universe and curses the years spent on loud brutals. And here are the advantages and joys Lida saw in the shy Vova.

1. He doesn't interrupt. Never

Can you imagine how good a woman is with him? You can chat, twitter for hours, you can even gossip about your girlfriends. nine0003

2. You can just keep quiet with him

“You know, I used to get very tense all the time when a man and I were silent for a long time,” recalls Lida. - And now I can relax. He is silent not because he is waiting for me to say something. He's just comfortable being silent."

But many are accustomed to the fact that a person who is silent radiates passive aggression. And it was not easy for Lida to get used to it. At first, she tormented Vova with questions: “Are you offended by me? Why are you silent? Are you angry? Hey! Say something!" And then Lida got used to it, understood and found peace. nine0003

3. Doesn’t brag about his successes

When Lida came to visit Vova’s mother, she suddenly found out that Vova was the champion of the Erudite club, at the age of 16 he entered Cambridge, but didn’t go, at 22 he opened his own business, in parallel, he earned a rank in swimming and worked as a lifeguard in red shorts on the beach in Ibiza. Ha, not so shy, huh? Lida had an idea to ask how many times Vova had been married before, but she decided not to force it. The less you know the better you sleep.

4. He is very attentive to details and draws the right conclusions

Lida sometimes forgot that Vova was really listening when she chirped about her past, present and future. Therefore, she was extremely surprised when she heard from her husband: “Maybe we should buy a house in the village, where you were so happy as a child with your grandparents? Where will we raise our future children? Have you considered moving?" But Linda was thinking. And about a happy childhood, and about country life, and about children - a boy and a boy ...

5. He is in no hurry to please everyone

Lida, who has a million friends, wanted to show Vova to everyone in the world. Vova made a bad impression on everyone, because he was embarrassed to sing in karaoke, did not dance in the club, ate little at barbecues, and did not interrupt in table conversation. He came with Lida as her silent bodyguard. Linda was furious. Her friends thought that Vova simply despises them. Then Lida came with him to his friends, and there Vova began to play with new bright colors.

Yes, he opens up and "lights up" only in the circle of his people. The shy Vova needs time to get out of his shell. And if someone didn’t see what a treasure he is, it’s even better, Lida believes: “I’ll get more.” nine0003

6. Not a word about the past

Lida says that Vova is the best lover in the world. At first he was shy, of course. But then ... And he never talks about his past women and love victories. “I feel like the only one,” Lida rejoices.

7. He doesn't know the words of love, he just loves

Lida was waiting for confessions. And I didn't wait. Vova confessed his love to her already when they were inevitably married. It turned out that he loved something a long time ago. He just doesn't think it's important to talk about it. Just as he does not perceive such, as he says, "clumsy show-offs", like balloons in the shape of hearts, baths with rose petals. Vova bought Lida tickets to a concert by her beloved Nino Katamadze. And went with her to this concert. Vova silently washed the dishes when Lida was tired. When Lida got to the hospital, Vova came every day and brought her favorite "snails" with cinnamon.

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