How to ask for space

How To Ask For Space In A Relationship Without Hurting Your Partner's Feelings


by Laken Howard

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When a relationship is brand new and you're still getting to know your partner, it can be hard to imagine wanting to spend time away from them, doing your own thing. But the longer you're together, the more you'll realize that not only is it OK to need time apart, learning when and how to ask for space in a relationship is crucial for it to remain healthy. If you're used to spending tons of time with your partner, it might be scary to hear them say that they need space, but the truth is that asking for alone time doesn't always have negative, ominous implications for your relationship.

"Your partner asking for space is about their desire to get their social, emotional and intellectual needs met by others outside of their primary relationship," Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, relationship therapist and founder of online relationship community, Relationup, tells Bustle. "One person cannot satisfy all the needs of another and your partner’s desire to take space is their effort to take care of themselves and to return to the relationship nourished, enriched and replenished."

You might love your partner's company (and vice versa), but it's unrealistic to expect that your partner can fulfill all your needs: as individuals, we all occasionally need alone time to relax, as well as some one-on-one time with friends and family. If you want to start a conversation with your partner about creating some space in your relationship for both of you to have some time to yourselves, here are five expert tips that will help make (what can be) a tricky conversation go a little more smoothly.


Spell Out What Space Looks Like To You

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First thing's first: there isn't just one kind of space in a relationship. Whether you need a weekend away or just an hour-long run to clear your head, make sure you're clear with your partner about what "space" means to you in the context of your relationship.

"Indicate as much as you can what that space will look like," Effy Blue, a relationship coach specializing in ethical non-monogamy, tells Bustle. "'I need a walk around the block. I want to spend the weekend at my parents' home. I want to rent an apartment for six months on the other coast.'"


Use "I" Statements

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Whenever you need to communicate about something difficult in your relationship, one easy trick is to always use "I" statements when explaining your feelings. It's a simple way of reiterating to your partner that your need for space isn't a reflection of your feelings about them/the relationship, but rather a personal decision that you made for you — and you alone.

"Use I-sentences and explain your why/intention: 'I need space because I need to figure out.../rest/collect my thoughts/write/work on this project,'" Blue says.


Listen To Your Partner's Concerns

Naturally, your partner might have some questions or concerns about your request for space. Instead of dismissing their feelings or giving them a vague, blanket-like reassurance ("don't worry, it'll be fine"), listen to their specific concerns and offer to come up with a plan or compromise together.

"Listen to your partners' fears and anxieties with a generous ear when your partner tells you how they feel about your request," Blue says. "Don't be dismissive. If it makes sense, make a plan to reconnect afterward."


Remember That You Are Individuals First & Partners Second

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Whether you're the one asking for space or the one being asked for space, it's important to keep in mind that — as much as you might love each other — you and your partner are both individuals with individual needs... not extensions of one another.

"Recognizing our partner as an individual [and] not an extension of ourselves and/or a product of our relationships is vital to the longevity of our relationships," Blue says. "If a partner is asking for space they are taking care of themselves and we need to honor their individual needs. When I see clients struggling with partners asking [for] space — be it feeling hurt, offended, anxious — my response is more often than not, 'It's not always about you.'"


Agree On What Balance Of Independence/Togetherness You Want

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When it comes to asking for space, it can be difficult to know how much is too much (or too little). But according to Milrad, it's not about finding a magic "ideal" amount of space — it's about whether you and your partner are on the same page about the balance of "we" and "I" in your relationship.

"If you both define the balance in the same way, then together, you will determine how much alone time is right for the relationship," she says. "If you don’t, then there will be a disagreement in terms of whether it is too much or too little."

Ultimately, keeping a relationship happy and healthy doesn't boil down to having the "correct" amount of space or alone time — because that simply doesn't exist. What's really important is that you and your partner are able to communicate: about what kind of space you each want/need, how much you feel comfortable with, and what it means when you ask for more or less alone time. As long as you're both on the same page, you'll be able to enjoy your time together, as well as feel fulfilled and secure in your relationship when you're apart.

"I Need Space" — How To Ask For Space In Your Relationship

Just like the dreaded phrase, “We need to talk,” the words, “I need space” often get a bad rap. Some people think the meaning of “I need space” is, “I want to break up with you and I don’t know how,” but that often isn’t the case. Space in a relationship can be a good — and sometimes, necessary — thing, and if you’re feeling like you could use a little “me time” away from your partner, then there are ways to ask for it without hurting any feelings or causing any fear.

As sex and intimacy coach Irene Fehr previously told Elite Daily, it’s natural to need space, so you shouldn’t feel guilty if you do. "We have two competing needs that collide in a relationship: the need to be individuals and the need to be in relationship or connection with another human being; to be ourselves and to belong," she explained. "Both nourish and feed each other. When we're supported by partners, we feel safe to be ourselves. And when we're ourselves and have our individual needs met, we're better partners.” But if you’re not sure how to approach this tricky convo with your SO, then here’s what you should know.

What Does It Mean To Need Space In A Relationship?

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People need space in relationships for a variety of reasons, and not all of them have to do with their partners. Perhaps you miss spending time with friends, or you’re eager for some alone time, or you’ve forgotten who you are outside of your relationship. According to sex and relationship therapist Shamyra Howard, creating and supporting space in a relationship is always beneficial, no matter the reason. As she previously told Elite Daily, “Space is helpful for recharging, taking much needed breaks, and maintaining a sense of individuality in the relationship."

More often than not, space is an emotional need, and asking for it doesn’t mean you’re doubting what you have with your partner — though if that is the case, you should be upfront about it. "Needing space and taking space can be really healthy if it's not being used as manipulation in a relationship," Diana Dorell, intuitive dating coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again, previously told Elite Daily. "Expressing that, in order to feel safe to go deeper in the relationship, taking some space is needed, can let the other person know that you aren't bailing — you are just taking some time to regroup."

How Do You Know You Need Space In A Relationship?

Certain signs will make themselves apparent to you when you need some space. If you find yourself feeling annoyed with your SO, lashing out at them, picking fights, or feeling short-tempered around them, then it’s probably time to spend a night, a weekend, or maybe even a week on your own. “Too much togetherness is suffocating," author and NYC dating expert Susan Winter told Elite Daily. "We're going to be impatient and reactive if we haven't had space to unwind and collect our thoughts. The correct balance of together and alone time is essential for any relationship to thrive."

But know that there’s a difference between wanting a little space and wanting to take a break. According to Winter, “You'll know you've got a problem if you get more joy being away from your partner than with them, you find yourself making less and less time to see your mate each week, or you have to force yourself to put on a 'happy face' in order to appear normal.” If that’s the case, then you probably need more than a short reprieve — you may need to take a break from your relationship, and that requires a different sort of conversation.

How Do You Ask For Space In A Relationship?

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When asking for space from a partner, it’s important to be clear about your wants and needs so that your boo doesn’t freak. "If you want to explain to your partner that you want space without hurting their feelings, let them know that while you love and cherish spending time with them, you are an independent person and need time to do different things by yourself,” Alessandra Contico, dating expert and matchmaker for Matchmakers In The City, told Elite Daily. “You want to keep things exciting and fresh, and if you are together all of the time, it can grow too familiar and grating."

Keep in mind that your SO may react adversely to you asking for space. "Sometimes people have a history of 'space' being a trigger, a tool of emotional manipulation, or a reminder of neglect — hence why many of us might find ourselves clinging on to our loved ones," Dr. Shena Young, a psychologist who focuses on trauma, told Elite Daily. To keep hurt feelings at bay, emphasize that you just need some time to recharge, that you're not angry with them, and that you don't love them any less. "In voicing this, partners have an opportunity to clarify intentions and offer reassurance," Dr. Young added.

As Dorell previously explained, "There is a difference between taking space within a relationship, saying, 'I'd like to spend this weekend with myself' [versus] 'I need to take space away from the relationship for like one month to see other people.’” As long as you’re clear with your needs and communicate honestly with your partner, then taking some space apart will likely only make your bond stronger.


Irene Fehr, sex and intimacy coach

Shamyra Howard, sex and relationship therapist

Diana Dorell, intuitive dating coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again

Susan Winter, author and NYC dating expert

Alessandra Contico, dating expert and matchmaker for Matchmakers In The City

Dr. Shena Young, psychologist

Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.

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How to ask for a window seat on an airplane

Home » Miscellaneous » How to ask for a window seat on an airplane

How to get the best seats on an airplane - Buy Ticket Blog

If you have read our article on how to choose the best seats on an airplane, then You already know that not all places are equally good. Somewhere the chair does not unfold, somewhere there is no window, somewhere it is very noisy ...

In addition, almost any passenger can be attributed to one of two categories:0012

  • likes to sit by the window;
  • likes to sit in the aisle.
  • So how do you get the best seat on an airplane?

    Two Ways to Choose the Best Seats on an Airplane

    The first thing you should do is look at the seating map of the aircraft you are flying on. You can do this at Choose in advance several places that you plan to take. You should not choose only one, because. it may already be booked by someone.

    Method #1

    This is the simplest and most obvious method - just ask the receptionist to put you in a certain seat. To do this, it is advisable to come to the beginning of registration, because. towards the end, your seat may already be taken by another passenger.

    Method # 2

    Register online and choose your own seat. If you forgot to do it in advance, self-check-in kiosks have already appeared at many airports, where you can check in yourself and choose a seat in the cabin.

    And now let's talk about little tricks

    Trick # 1

    If you are flying together and there are 3 seats in a row, then of course it is more convenient when the third seat is free. You can put things there, lie down, and generally get more comfortable, especially if the flight is long. But how to free the chair?

    It's very simple, when you check in for your flight, book one seat at the window and the second at the aisle.

    Single seats in the center of the row are filled last and there is a chance that no one will be placed there. But if the flight is filled to capacity, then you can’t avoid a neighbor.

    If you are flying alone, you can also use this method. During online check-in, find a row where a window seat is already booked and select an aisle seat. If you like to sit by the window, then we do everything in the same way, only we are looking for a row with a passenger at the aisle.

    Cunning # 2

    the passenger himself chooses where to sit when he gets on the plane.

    In fact, there are four options to take a certain place:

    • If there are two of you, then sit alone at the window, the second in the aisle. Believe me, few people will agree to sit in the middle if there are other empty seats on the plane.
    • Appoint the most nimble and quick of the company. His task is to be among the first to get on the plane and “reserve” seats by spreading his things on them.
    • Buy the priority boarding option for one of the group. In this case, the actions will be exactly the same as in paragraph 3, only priority boarding guarantees that you will be among the first to get on the plane.
    • Buy the seat selection option. The simplest, most obvious and uninteresting option, however, the most reliable.

    Do you want to book tickets for a trip?

    Pick up tickets