Feeling like im letting go
40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain
“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.” ~Ajahn Chah
Eckhart Tolle believes we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us.
We replay past mistakes over and over again in our head, allowing feelings of shame and regret to shape our actions in the present. We cling to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of fixation somehow gives us power. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm.
Though it may sound simple, Ajahn Chah’s advice speaks volumes.
There will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful. Here are some ways to get started:Let Go Of Frustration with Yourself/Your Life
1. Learn a new skill instead of dwelling on the skills you never mastered.
2. Change your perception—see the root cause as a blessing in disguise.
3. Cry it out. According to Dr. William Frey II, PH.D., biochemist at the Ramsey Medical Center in Minneapolis, crying away your negative feelings releases harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress.
4. Channel your discontent into an immediate positive action—make some calls about new job opportunities, or walk to the community center to volunteer.
5. Use meditation or yoga to bring you into the present moment (instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future).
6. Make a list of your accomplishments—even the small ones— and add to it daily. You’ll have to let go of a little discontentment to make space for this self-satisfaction.
7. Visualize a box in your head labeled “Expectations. ” Whenever you start dwelling on how things should be or should have been, mentally shelve the thoughts in this box.
8. Engage in a physical activity. Exercise decreases stress hormones and increases endorphins, chemicals that improve your state of mind.
9. Focus all your energy on something you can actually control instead of dwelling on things you can’t.
10. Express your feelings through a creative outlet, like blogging or painting. Add this to your to-do list and cross it off when you’re done. This will be a visual reminder that you have actively chosen to release these feelings.Let go of Anger and Bitterness
11. Feel it fully. If you stifle your feelings, they may leak out and affect everyone around you—not just the person who inspired your anger. Before you can let go of any emotion, you have to feel it fully.
12. Give yourself a rant window. Let yourself vent for a day before confronting the person who troubled you. This may diffuse the hostility and give you time to plan a rational confrontation.
13. Remind yourself that anger hurts you more than the person who upset you, and visualize it melting away as an act of kindness to yourself.
14. If possible, express your anger to the person who offended you. Communicating how you feel may help you move on. Keep in mind that you can’t control how the offender responds; you can only control how clearly and kindly you express yourself.
15. Take responsibility. Many times when you’re angry, you focus on what someone else did that was wrong, which essentially gives away your power. When you focus on what you could have done better, you often feel empowered and less bitter.
16. Put yourself in the offender’s shoes. We all make mistakes, and odds are you could have easily slipped up just like your husband, father, or friend did. Compassion dissolves anger.
17. Metaphorically throw it away. For example, jog with a backpack full of tennis balls. After you’ve built up a bit of rush, toss the balls one by one, labeling each as a part of your anger. (You’ll need to retrieve these—litter angers the earth!)
18. Use a stress ball, and express your anger physically and vocally when you use it. Make a scrunched up face or grunt. You may feel silly, but this allows you to actually express what you’re feeling inside.
19. Wear a rubber band on your wrist and gently flick it when you start obsessing on angry thoughts. This trains your mind to associate that type of persistent negativity with something unpleasant.
20. Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it. These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does.Let Go Of Past Relationships
21. Identify what the experience taught you to help develop a sense of closure.
22. Write everything you want to express in a letter. Even if you choose not to send it, clarifying your feelings will help you come to terms with reality as it is now.
23. Remember both the good and the bad. Even if appears this way now, the past was not perfect. Acknowledging this may minimize your sense of loss. As Laura Oliver says, “It’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.”
24. Un-romanticize the way you view love. Of course you’ll feel devastated if you believe you lost your soul mate. If you think you can find a love that amazing or better again, it will be easier to move on.
25. Visualize an empowered single you—the person you were before meeting your last love. That person was pretty awesome, and now you have the chance to be him or her again.
26. Create a space that reflects your present reality. Take down his pictures; delete her emails from your saved folder.
27. Reward yourself for small acts of acceptance. Get a facial after you delete his number from your phone, or head out with friends after putting all her things in a box.
28. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it. “Loving myself means letting go.”
29. Replace your emotional thoughts with facts. When you think, “I’ll never feel loved again!” don’t resist that feeling. Instead, move on to another thought, like “I learned a new song for karaoke tonight.”
30. Use the silly voice technique. According to Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap, swapping the voice in your head with a cartoon voice will help take back power from the troubling thought.Let Go Of Stress
31. Use a deep breathing technique, like ujayii, to soothe yourself and seep into the present moment.
32. Immerse yourself in a group activity. Enjoying the people in your life may help put your problems in perspective.
33. Consider this quotation by Eckhart Tolle: “Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.” Questioning how your stress serves you may help you let it go.
34. Metaphorically release it. Write down all your stresses and toss the paper into your fireplace.
35. Replace your thoughts. Notice when you begin thinking about something that stresses you so you can shift your thought process to something more pleasant, like your passion for your hobby.
36. Take a sauna break. Studies reveal that people who go to sauna at least twice a week for ten to thirty minutes are less stressed after work than others with similar jobs who don’t.
37. Imagine your life ten years from now. Then look twenty years into the future, and then thirty. Realize that many of the things you’re worrying about don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.
38. Organize your desk. According to Georgia Witkin, assistant director of psychiatry at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, completing a small task increases your sense of control and decreases your stress level.
39. Use it up. Make two lists: one with the root causes of your stress and one with actions to address them. As you complete these tasks, visualize yourself utilizing and depleting your “stress supply.”
40. Laugh it out. Research shows that laughter soothes tension, improves your immune system, and even eases pain. If you can’t relax for long, start with just ten minutes watching a funny video on YouTube.
It’s a long list, but there’s much left to be said! Can you think of anything to add to this list—other areas of life where we need to practice letting go, and other techniques to start doing it right now?
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She’s also the author of Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal, Tiny Buddha's Worry Journal, and Tiny Buddha's Inner Strength Journal and co-founder of Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. For daily wisdom, join the Tiny Buddha list here. You can also follow Tiny Buddha on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
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15 Signs It Is Time to Let Go of Your Relationship
Everything in life is about finding the balance between holding on and letting go. We always strive to make the right choice, but choices are not always easy, especially when it comes to those we love, or let’s say the ones we think we love.
In relationships, we invest a lot of our emotions, time, and energy, and the more we invest, the harder it is to let go. Sometimes we do not let go because we fear the unknown, sometimes we do not let go out of fear of being alone, the reasons are many, but the end result is the same; living unhappily.
While lying, cheating, and disrespect are among the most common and grave reasons for breakups, we barely acknowledge that these are indicators of many underlying issues. Oftentimes, we turn a blind eye to many things that may sound alarming on hope things will change, but as the relationship deteriorates the damage becomes more severe and no amount of salvaging will be able to save it.
Knowing when to let go will save you a lot of pain and will help you move forward with a better mental state. If you experience one or more of these signs, maybe you need to make peace with the fact that it is time to let go.
1. You are not being yourself. If you constantly have to pretend to be someone you are not out of fear of being judged or misunderstood, then you are not in the right place. A partner is the last person you want to wear masks around.
2. You are not genuinely happy. We are speaking about happiness here, not just getting along or coping. Well, obviously every relationship has its ups and downs, but not in any way should it be flatline monotonous and lifeless.
3. You want different things. When partners are not on the same page and their goals and objectives differ widely, it will be hard for them to meet halfway. They both will be stuck in a relationship where instead of doing life together, each will be going a different path on their own, and accordingly, they gradually drift apart.
4. You are constantly criticized and barely appreciated. Whether it is your looks, your behavior, or your ideas and beliefs, if your partner constantly criticizes you in public or in private this means they are unable to see the good in you.
5. The passion and the good times are gone. When the passion is gone, boredom and dullness overtake the relationship. This is a reason why many people cheat and seek to fill the emotional gap with someone else.
6. You feel lonely most of the time. A healthy relationship is one where partners are happily sharing their lives together, through thick and thin. If you feel that you go through everything alone while in a relationship, this is an unmistakable sign that it is already broken.
7. You are trying too hard and compromise a lot. Relationships should be built on equal give-and-take. If you are doing all the hard work alone to maintain the relationship, chances are you will grow resentful and frustrated.
8. You keep on finding excuses and justifications for their behavior. If you feel the need to constantly find an excuse to why you are being neglected and try to defend them in front of your parents and friends, you are only choosing to blind yourself from seeing the truth.
9. You are always fighting. If all your communications fail and you end up fighting and arguing, this is an indicator that both of you are not compatible and do not understand one another enough. It can also be a sign of pent-up anger and frustration.
10. The relationship drains your energy. Being around the person you love should bring you warmth, joy, and lift your spirits up; should never feel like a chore or an obligation. If you are in a relationship that constantly makes you feel under the weather and in need of some solo time, you are definitely in the wrong place, with the wrong person.
11. You’re burdened and suffocated. Their presence puts a lot of pressure on you. You do not feel at ease around them and feel that you always have to explain yourself. You put a lot of effort to make the time you spend together enjoyable, even worse, you do not look forward to seeing them anymore.
12. You experience fear in the relationship. You think twice before you speak or react because their reactions always intimidate you and make you feel nervous. If you walk on eggshells around your partner and constantly feel worried that what you say or do will upset them, you need to free yourself from the chains of this relationship.
13. You experience disrespect and abuse. There is no room in healthy relationships for abuse and disrespect, it is simply impossible to happen. If you are abused physically or emotionally and are not treated with the respect you deserve, cut it off immediately.
14. You’re in it hoping things will change. You’ve been trying for so long to fix it, but you still know and feel it in your heart that you are not happy. In such a situation, you are only holding to the slight chance that they might change, waiting for things to get better, or maybe because you think you this is the best you can get.
15. The relationship is holding you back. The right partner will support you and motivate you to reach your dreams and goals, they will never hinder your process of growing and evolving, whether on a professional or a personal level.
Relationships should bring out the best in us, help us grow, evolve, and most importantly help us unmask our true selves. Your partner should feel like home, the one you’ll run to and not run from. If you are in a relationship where both of you do not give one another something to look forward to together every day, you are doing life with the wrong person.
I let you go. - Tricky - tests for girls
I strongly recommend that you take the last memory test.
These tests are related because one follows from the other.
These essays do not contain a single plot, I just want to immerse you in my vision of the characters.
P.S . I dedicate to all who waited and believed.
Another night entry in your diary reads: "I often think that your heart is special."
It is made of virtuous pain. It beats to the beat of bird singing, filled with landscapes of the most beautiful places, which can only flicker before loving eyes every time.
It is a smoking heart of scarlet blood. Its heat warms and does not allow to cool, no adversity can immure it in the chest. Even in my smoldering mechanism, one spark was able to restore its balance.
Azure in color deep within, it is called the heart of a single sound. Its beating revives the quivering atmosphere of a quiet sunrise, when even time freezes in the dark predawn hour.
"I respect his choices, his boundaries."
Sometimes everyone needs to be alone, healing old wounds on their own. Scars from every word and action remain on a person, and even time cannot subdue them. Closing himself with books, he hardly pays attention to the amber light penetrating the room, gently enveloping the space around.
His blurred frown glides over the same dark table, on which there are flasks and textbooks. The dampness of the room loves to keep him company when he is unable to withstand the injustice and anger of the outside world. But his eyes still reflect the reflection of the glass, which falls to the ground in fragments.
Driven into captivity, he himself goes for it. Hair has long been intertwined, the heat of the fireplace is no longer warm. Soul-burning longing spills from within. This tearful bitterness fetters thoughts, and hope is not reflected in the whitening look, which no longer sees the goal. He is afraid to close his eyes, but he cannot admit it, quickly replaying the moments of your meetings in his head.
The feeling of a recent dream is replaced by the arrival of consciousness, and the rays of the sun muffled by fog break through the windows.
“Good morning, haven’t you been sleeping for a long time, dear?” – Squinting from the light, he smiles at you and gives you an enthusiastic feeling of a new day in your soul. The chirping of birds only reminds you of the coming spring, which has settled in every corner of your four walls.
You get up too early, sleep more. I haven’t gone to bed yet.” The velvet voice lulled me to sleep, although the scattered light in the room already spoke of the onset of morning. As if agreeing with the desires of the subconscious, the sky darkened in a minute thunderstorm.
“A couple more minutes, I promise.” It was clear from the tone of your voice that the morning dawn would not find you out of sleep. The coolness of the window blew on a warm bed, in which you can sweetly sink, it seemed, to infinity, enveloping the mind with softness and dizziness.
Illuminated by these memories, you smile slightly at the dust particles floating in the air, illuminated by soft daylight. After all, He is still in every chip of your house.
There are still smells of lavender from the summer garden, a bouquet of fresh peonies ennobles the interior and reminds of the eternal love that was in the air every hour. It smells of life here.
Your heart has long been beating to the beat of the clock that measures centuries, minutes and seconds. As a coffee service stands in a showcase made of dark oak, so you sit inconspicuously in an armchair, reading a book smelling of old age and time.
The air here never stagnates, combining the coolness of the evening and the stuffiness of a spring thunderstorm. Sometimes, passing by a loosely made bed, you feel the pungent smell of men's perfume, which has become forgotten. But not forgotten.
Blessing yourself for this step, you ask: "How do you feel when you are with me?"
His hands trembled slightly as he took your hand. “I feel like anything is possible, you know? As if no chains can keep us from the spirit of adventure and freedom. And.. Without you, I drive myself into the walls.
He looked up at you once meek look. - Calmness, serenity .. In our hopeless world now, a simple sense of security, the sun, is so lacking. I feel that no tears other than tears of joy are worth the effort.
He smiled and hugged you. “You are the most precious thing in my life. I can't help but feel your sincere love, which pleases, allows me to live and breathe deeply every day. She is like a breath of coolness in a stuffy heat. Gives hope.
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