Feeling anxiety after a breakup

SAMHSA’s National Helpline | SAMHSA

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  • SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.

    Also visit the online treatment locator.

SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.

Also visit the online treatment locator, or send your zip code via text message: 435748 (HELP4U) to find help near you. Read more about the HELP4U text messaging service.

The service is open 24/7, 365 days a year.

English and Spanish are available if you select the option to speak with a national representative. Currently, the 435748 (HELP4U) text messaging service is only available in English.

In 2020, the Helpline received 833,598 calls. This is a 27 percent increase from 2019, when the Helpline received a total of 656,953 calls for the year.

The referral service is free of charge. If you have no insurance or are underinsured, we will refer you to your state office, which is responsible for state-funded treatment programs. In addition, we can often refer you to facilities that charge on a sliding fee scale or accept Medicare or Medicaid. If you have health insurance, you are encouraged to contact your insurer for a list of participating health care providers and facilities.

The service is confidential. We will not ask you for any personal information. We may ask for your zip code or other pertinent geographic information in order to track calls being routed to other offices or to accurately identify the local resources appropriate to your needs.

No, we do not provide counseling. Trained information specialists answer calls, transfer callers to state services or other appropriate intake centers in their states, and connect them with local assistance and support.

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    For additional resources, please visit the SAMHSA Store.

Last Updated: 08/30/2022

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Overwhelmed with anxiety after a breakup? 8 Tips for Finding Peace of Mind

Not everyone expects to feel anxious after a breakup. Sad and sad, absolutely. Rejected and angry, quite possibly.

But after parting, it may seem to you that one of your worst fears has already come true. The relationship is over, so what else do you need to worry about?

However, anxiety includes more than just restlessness. Research shows that anxiety often manifests itself as part of the experience after a breakup.

This anxiety may include:

  • obsessive thoughts
  • Problems with a dream
  • The complexity of the concentration
  • Pension or pessimism in relation to the future
  • Physical anxiety
  • Racing Mining

You can also find out what to think or stag on thoughts about what happened in your relationship and about the breakup.

These feelings won't last forever, but you can take steps to speed them up. Below, you'll find eight strategies to help you deal with breakup anxiety.

Make time for yourself

Feeling a little lost after a breakup is natural. Romantic partners often help shape your personality and sense of self.

The loss of a partnership can cause you to once feel loved and connected, causing pain, stress, and anxious thoughts.

When you feel alone and resentful, spending time by yourself may be the last thing you want to do. You crave the comfort that a partner can provide, which is why you may end up turning to someone else—a friend, family member, or even a recovery partner.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking social support. However, taking some time to reconnect with yourself can help reduce anxious feelings and make it easier to start the healing process.

To begin to rekindle your relationship with yourself:

  • Meditate. Find out how relationships and separations clarified your needs and taught you about yourself. How can you use this new understanding to build stronger and more satisfying relationships in the future?
  • Pause. Consider waiting with a new relationship before you really feel "over" your ex. Finding a new connection before you're ready can get in the way of self-discovery and healing. Any anxiety and fears that you haven't fully dealt with may resurface with your new partner.
  • Take inventory. Examine any new habits and beliefs you have learned during the relationship. Do these changes accurately reflect desires, interests, and values? Or did you adopt new traits in hopes of strengthening your bond with your then-partner?

Add awareness to your days

Mindfulness is far from a magical panacea, but trying to live more mindfully can help a lot with everyday anxiety and general distress.

When you experience emotional turmoil, such as anxiety, your instinct may cause you to turn away from the pain, suppress it, and completely ignore it until it is gone.

However, avoidance is not a good long-term survival strategy. Emotions that you avoid and block can often grow and intensify until they become too overwhelming to handle on your own.

Face-to-face with your distress can help you regain control. When sadness and anxiety come up, acknowledge and accept those thoughts.

As painful as they are, they help to signify the importance of the relationship and what it meant to you.

Naming these emotions and sitting with them can be a lot harder than just pushing them away - at first. Over time, you will likely find it easier to recognize difficult feelings and let them go before they affect your thinking.

Mindfulness-based practices help you become more aware of your thoughts and emotions, but mindfulness also involves being present in the moment instead of letting worry and worry consume your awareness.

Thus, living more consciously can mean being grateful for everyday experiences and loved ones, as well as taking time to enjoy life's small pleasures.

Here are 14 mindfulness tips to help reduce anxiety.

Keep a balanced perspective

Breaking up can be quite painful, especially if you didn't want to leave from the start.

If your partner commits suicide, thoughts of separation (or your ex) can increase feelings of abandonment and rejection. This, in turn, can fuel a cycle of obsessive thoughts and ruminations that eventually begin to disrupt your daily life.

There is also the problem of rejection, which can cause self-doubt in anyone. By taking all the blame for the end of your relationship and unconditionally accepting any "flaws" your ex has pointed out, you can do a lot of damage to your self-esteem and self-confidence.

Blaming your ex and putting all the blame on them can help you get over them faster, but research shows it can make you hold on to negative emotions.

However, adopting a more balanced mindset may offer a smoother path to relief.

Breakups often occur in response to several different factors. So, no matter who ended the case, there's a good chance both of you contributed.

Recognizing your own role along with theirs, as well as any external or situational factors, can help you look more objectively at the breakup.

Do what you love

Maintaining a relationship requires you to invest time and energy in your partner and yourself, so after a breakup you can have a lot of extra time.

Free time can be wonderful - when you are doing well. But when you're dealing with a breakup, those empty hours can feel like an eternity to process what happened and get through disappointment, insecurity, and grief.

Eventually, you will need to work through what happened in order to process your emotions and move on.

However, this is usually not something you can achieve right away. It is also important to take breaks from heavy emotional highs and give yourself the opportunity to breathe and relax.

Rewarding activities can fill your time and offer positive distractions throughout the day. There is nothing wrong with distracting yourself from unwanted thoughts, as long as you don't deny those emotions completely.

Since anxiety can interfere with concentration, relaxing hobbies can help you deal with those moments when a particular task seems impossible.

Watch your favorite comedy, sit back with a good book, or go for a long walk in your favorite park. Whatever you choose, it is important to choose something that is light and brings you joy.

Spend time with friends and family

Breaking up can sometimes cause embarrassment or guilt, especially if you know that your family and friends liked your partner.

Depending on the circumstances of your breakup, you may not know where to start explaining what happened.

If your ex has insulted you or broken your trust, you may be hesitant to rekindle that pain by discussing his actions. It's also hard to open up if you think no one else will understand what you're going through.

You will never have to share something that makes you uncomfortable or causes you more pain. However, isolation and loneliness can exacerbate anxiety, so staying connected can help make you feel better.

It's normal to worry about how loved ones might react, but this important relationship can be a great source of emotional support.

Your friends and family care about you, so they probably want to help in any way they can.

Those close to you can listen when you talk about thoughts that cause you anxiety. They can also help calm and distract you when you're feeling overwhelmed.

Even if you don't discuss breaking up, knowing that you can talk to someone who cares can go a long way.

Prioritize self-care

Good self-care is always important for optimal health and well-being. This is even more important when you are dealing with stress, anxiety and other adversities.

Physical self-care tips

To improve your well-being and manage the physical stress associated with breakup anxiety, try the following strategies:

  • Aim to get at least 15-30 minutes of physical activity every day if possible. To reap the benefits of sunshine and fresh air, exercise outdoors.
  • Drink plenty of water.
  • Do not drink too much alcohol, as alcohol can increase anxiety.
  • Eat regularly, adding nutritious, anxiety-reducing foods whenever possible.
  • Try to go to bed and wake up at about the same time each day. If possible, try to sleep between 7 and 8 hours.

Emotional Self-Care Tips

Various coping strategies can reduce the impact of anxiety on your overall outlook:

  • Keep a daily journal. Just 10 or 15 minutes of writing every day can help.
  • Try meditation to learn how to deal with difficult emotions.
  • Listen to music.
  • Set aside time each day for rest.
  • Remind yourself that it is okay to mourn a loss.

Find tips on how to make a self-care routine that works for you.

Let go of the need to know why

It's not uncommon to have a lot of questions after a breakup, especially if your ex has decided to end it without giving you a satisfactory explanation.

If they cheated, you may also experience low self-esteem or wonder why you are "not good enough".

You may be replaying the same questions over and over in your head or with loved ones:

  • Where am I wrong?
  • What if I can never maintain a relationship?
  • How can I stop loving them?
  • What do I tell people?
  • What if I see them somewhere?
  • How can I return them?

Finding answers may seem like the key to feeling better, but this belief can trap you in an uncomfortable emotional trap.

First, your ex may not have clear answers. People often end relationships when something is no longer "right," even if they can't accurately put into words what feels "wrong."

If the answers they offer are not what you want, you may even feel worse.

Reuniting after a breakup may seem like a good way to get answers, but it's almost always better to avoid the temptation to text your ex.

It is a slippery slope to fall into the trap of a reciprocity that prolongs a breakup or leads to a temporary relationship, both of which can add to anxiety and suffering.

If you have any questions that you really want answered, try taking the time to start the healing process before talking about it with your ex.

Over time, you may just find that the answers you're looking for aren't all that important.

Moving forward without clarity isn't always easy, but choosing to stay true to your needs and values ​​can help you let go of worrying thoughts.

When you are living your best life, you may no longer care why they decided to end it.

Talk to a therapist

It's not unusual to experience some anxiety after a breakup, but anxiety that doesn't go away after a few weeks can begin to affect your relationships, performance at work or school, and your overall quality of life.

You may also notice changes in physical health, including sleep disturbances, headaches, stomach problems, and changes in appetite.

Parting can be very unpleasant. It is perfectly normal that you need additional support.

A therapist can help you uncover the roots of your distress, map out helpful coping strategies, and explore other factors that can contribute to persistent anxiety and other emotional disturbances.

The bottom line is

Breakups can make you stagger in many ways. If you are feeling anxious and lost, you are not alone.

Take heart: time can ease even the strongest grief after a breakup. As your anxiety begins to fade, the calm that takes its place can encourage new growth.

Anxiety, an acute sense of fear after parting a year ago

Anxiety, an acute feeling of fear after parting a year ago

Hello Xenia!

After reading your message, I would like to console you: there is no terrible crime in the fact that you gave up slack, this can happen to anyone. Initially, you did not plan anything "criminal", but the way the guy behaved showed his 100% desire to have sex with you. To this he made great efforts. But, congratulations - nothing happened! You didn't let it happen.

And the fact that you ended up kissing and taking a bath is the result of consistently committed actions that you initially doubted:
- meeting with him after he left for another
- replacing coffee with wine
- meeting at his house, not in a cafe
- consent to take a bubble bath
- etc.
And the longer this chain continued, the more difficult it was to maintain control.

I was against it to the last, consulted with many friends, but one piece of advice confused me and I went to his house

There are two points here: First. You in the depths of your soul hoped that he "saw the light", changed, and you wanted to believe in it. But when you heard that he was still dating the girl, you still succumbed to persuasion and met him again. Maybe you wanted to succumb to your desire and live in illusions for a while. I can understand you in this.
Second moment. Someone's advice confused you.
It seems that you did not trust YOUR voice of reason, experience and opinion. And, I can assume that you do not always trust in other life cases, but tend to listen to other opinions, mothers, friends, etc. And others, even close ones, do not always know what is right and best for you. This is an occasion to at least think about why you give priority to someone else's opinion, and as an option - to work on this moment together with a psychologist if it interferes with your life.

You are now beating yourself up about what happened, "even though there is also a girl." But this girl - this guy has first of all and it is he who is responsible for the fact that HE met you and kissed you. You should not take all the blame and responsibility for this on yourself, most of it lies with this guy.

I don't know how to properly present this to my mother and how she will react.

Do you want to tell your mom about this? If this brings you additional remorse and anxiety, is there any benefit in this now in your condition?

How can I bring myself back to normal? How can I not think about this sheer stupidity?

First of all, accept that everyone has the right to make mistakes, and so do you.

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