Examples of healthy relationships
What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like?
Having boundaries is like drawing a line. One side has the things you are okay with and the other side, those that you are not okay with, don’t feel ready for, or make you uncomfortable. This line looks different for everyone, so it is important for you to know where yours needs to be drawn. Setting boundaries is a way to teach your partner about your needs, and let you know when something doesn’t feel right. You are allowed to put your needs before someone else’s needs, especially if their needs make you uncomfortable.
Step 1: What are your boundaries?
Think about these categories and what they mean in terms of your relationship.
Physical: Are you okay with public displays of affection? Does affection make you uncomfortable? Do you hate it or love it when your partner tickles you? Do you need a lot of alone time? Learn more about physical boundaries and abuse.
Emotional: Are you able to share what you are feeling right away or do you need some time to think about it? Do you need your partner to be available anytime you have a crisis? When are you ready to say I love you? Learn more about emotional boundaries and abuse.
Sexual: Do you need to get to know your partner a while before engaging in any kind of sexual activity, or are you okay getting physical right away? What sexual activity are you okay with? Learn more about sexual boundaries and abuse.
Digital: Are you posting your relationship status? Is it okay if your partner uses your phone? Do you want to share passwords? Learn more about digital boundaries and abuse.
Material: Do you like sharing your stuff? Are you okay paying for your partner or vice versa?
Spiritual: Do you like to practice your religion with a partner or alone? Does your partner need to have the same beliefs as you or can they be different as long as yours are respected? Are you waiting until marriage before you have sex?
Step 2: Letting your partner know what your boundaries are.
You don’t have to sit down with your partner with a check list of all of the things that make you uncomfortable, but you do have be open and honest.
Some of these things might come up early in the relationship, like if you are a virgin and don’t want to have sex until you’re ready. Some of these things may not come up for a while, like if your partner wants to share passwords after dating for 6 months. When your needs are different than your partner’s, have a conversation; you don’t need to give an explanation. It may be awkward, but having the tough conversations is a part of having a healthy relationship. When your partner listens to you and respects you, it builds trust.
Step 3: Recognizing when the line has been crossed.
Sometimes, boundaries get crossed even after you’ve talked with your partner; this is where trusting yourself comes in. You may be sad, anxious or angry or you may not know exactly what you are feeling. Always trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel right to you, it probably isn’t.
Step 4: Responding.
If a boundary has been crossed by your partner who didn’t know where your line was drawn, have an honest conversation.
It could be something as simple as saying, “Hey, I really don’t like it when you ________. This makes me really uncomfortable. Do you think next time you can ______ instead?” This might take some back and forth before coming to an agreement that meets both of your needs, but your relationship will be stronger because of it.
If a boundary has been crossed even though you had already been clear about your boundaries, this might be abuse. Crossing a line might be obvious, like if you say no to having sex, but your partner uses physical force to make you do something you don’t want to do. But it can also be more subtle, like if your partner guilts you into something, begs you until you give in or threatens to break up with you unless you do what they want.
Characteristics of Healthy & Unhealthy Relationships
Respect for both oneself and others is a key characteristic of healthy relationships. In contrast, in unhealthy relationships, one partner tries to exert control and power over the other physically, sexually, and/or emotionally.
Healthy relationships share certain characteristics that teens should be taught to expect. They include:
- Mutual respect. Respect means that each person values who the other is and understands the other person’s boundaries.
- Trust. Partners should place trust in each other and give each other the benefit of the doubt.
- Honesty. Honesty builds trust and strengthens the relationship.
- Compromise. In a dating relationship, each partner does not always get his or her way. Each should acknowledge different points of view and be willing to give and take.
- Individuality. Neither partner should have to compromise who he/she is, and his/her identity should not be based on a partner’s. Each should continue seeing his or her friends and doing the things he/she loves. Each should be supportive of his/her partner wanting to pursue new hobbies or make new friends.
- Good communication. Each partner should speak honestly and openly to avoid miscommunication.
If one person needs to sort out his or her feelings first, the other partner should respect those wishes and wait until he or she is ready to talk. - Anger control. We all get angry, but how we express it can affect our relationships with others. Anger can be handled in healthy ways such as taking a deep breath, counting to ten, or talking it out.
- Fighting fair. Everyone argues at some point, but those who are fair, stick to the subject, and avoid insults are more likely to come up with a possible solution. Partners should take a short break away from each other if the discussion gets too heated.
- Problem solving. Dating partners can learn to solve problems and identify new solutions by breaking a problem into small parts or by talking through the situation.
- Understanding. Each partner should take time to understand what the other might be feeling.
- Self-confidence. When dating partners have confidence in themselves, it can help their relationships with others.
It shows that they are calm and comfortable enough to allow others to express their opinions without forcing their own opinions on them. - Being a role model. By embodying what respect means, partners can inspire each other, friends, and family to also behave in a respectful way.
- Healthy sexual relationship. Dating partners engage in a sexual relationship that both are comfortable with, and neither partner feels pressured or forced to engage in sexual activity that is outside his or her comfort zone or without consent.
Unhealthy relationships are marked by characteristics such as disrespect and control. It is important for youth to be able to recognize signs of unhealthy relationships before they escalate. Some characteristics of unhealthy relationships include:
- Control. One dating partner makes all the decisions and tells the other what to do, what to wear, or who to spend time with. He or she is unreasonably jealous, and/or tries to isolate the other partner from his or her friends and family.
- Hostility. One dating partner picks a fight with or antagonizes the other dating partner. This may lead to one dating partner changing his or her behavior in order to avoid upsetting the other.
- Dishonesty. One dating partner lies to or keeps information from the other. One dating partner steals from the other.
- Disrespect. One dating partner makes fun of the opinions and interests of the other partner or destroys something that belongs to the partner.
- Dependence. One dating partner feels that he or she “cannot live without” the other. He or she may threaten to do something drastic if the relationship ends.
- Intimidation. One dating partner tries to control aspects of the other's life by making the other partner fearful or timid. One dating partner may attempt to keep his or her partner from friends and family or threaten violence or a break-up.
- Physical violence. One partner uses force to get his or her way (such as hitting, slapping, grabbing, or shoving).
- Sexual violence. One dating partner pressures or forces the other into sexual activity against his or her will or without consent.1
It is important to educate youth about the value of respect and the characteristics of healthy and unhealthy relationships before they start to date. Youth may not be equipped with the necessary skills to develop and maintain healthy relationships, and may not know how to break up in an appropriate way when necessary. Maintaining open lines of communication may help them form healthy relationships and recognize the signs of unhealthy relationships, thus preventing the violence before it starts.
Footnote
1 Adapted from Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. (2005). Choose respect community action kit: Helping preteens and teens build healthy relationships. Retrieved from http://www.aldine.k12.tx.us/cms/file_process/download.cfm?docID=BED9BF514B2EAD07 (PDF, 60 pages)
14 signs of a strong and healthy relationship
July 7, 2020 Relationship
Try to analyze your relationship according to these criteria and find out if things are going so smoothly in your couple.
Signs of a Healthy Relationship
1. You Share Values
In a relationship, you can and sometimes even need to accept some differences. You may hold different political views; dating an atheist, being a deeply religious person; differently evaluate the work of Madonna or Max Korzh.
Perhaps the most important thing is to look in the same direction and share the key principles of life. And it’s also great to have similar views on how relationships in the family should be built.
2. You respect each other
Mutual respect is the key to a long and successful relationship. You do not manipulate the partner's feelings, but go towards each other, not trying to teach the other about life.
Never, anywhere and under any pretext do not look into someone else's mobile phone. Leave this Pandora's box closed and sleep well.
3. You bring out the best in each other, not the worst
In my previous relationships, I was constantly told that I was not living up to expectations.
At some point, I almost believed that I couldn’t do anything, I began to mentally add the prefix “under” to all my actions and qualities.
Normal relationships are built on mutual respect (see #2), where two people help each other grow and develop, but don't force them to change under pressure.
Change is an important, positive and useful part of life, but you need to want to change yourself. In a healthy relationship, you both grow and develop as individuals, rather than becoming the object of constant judgment and criticism from your partner.
4. You like to have fun together
You also need to know how to have fun together. I must admit: all people are different, everyone has their own understanding of fun. It is important that your vision of a good party coincides with the opinion of your partner and that both enjoy the process. Some people like noisy parties and wild dances, while others like the idea of becoming members of an intellectual club.
5. You can count on a partner in a difficult situation
Life is not an easy thing, and sometimes we all find ourselves in a difficult situation. In a right and healthy relationship, you should see in a partner a support that will not be afraid and will not run away from difficulties.
Your partner is a friend and ally. He is ready to be there, to help at a difficult moment, and not only shares moments of joy and universal fun with you.
6. You take care of each other
Caring for your neighbor is a normal human need. In a healthy relationship, you want to love and be loved. You not only take away, but also easily give away, without demanding anything and without expecting anything in return.
To love is to find your own happiness in the happiness of another person.
And you also want to share everything. If you find yourself in a cool place alone, then you will definitely think: "It's a pity that my half is not around, it would be great to share this experience.
"
7. You trust your partner and feel at ease
Total control is more suitable for an army. In a healthy relationship, you do not demand every minute report on everything, but trust each other and, no less important, are confident in yourself.
In a normal relationship, you don't waste your time analyzing your partner's incomprehensible actions and searching for hidden meanings in conversations with friends, but you feel calm and can fruitfully go about your business.
8. You talk to each other
Communication is an important element of a healthy relationship. You do not think, but ask directly and voice your desires, not trying to pathologically avoid conflict. People do not read minds and may simply not know that you are missing something. You understand this very well, so do not hesitate to ask your partner about what is important to you. And you can not only speak, but also listen.
9. You feel comfortable being silent together
Talking about interesting topics is really cool, but sometimes it's more important to be able to keep silent together.
In a healthy relationship, you are comfortable just being around. You do not try to fill all the pauses that have arisen with unnecessary words and do not get tired of each other if you do not utter a word.
10. You have your own life outside of relationships
You love to be with your significant other, but at the same time you remain a self-sufficient person with your own interests and hobbies outside of relationships. It's cool sometimes to spend time apart, to have your friends and your favorite activities.
In a healthy relationship, you do not try to fill all your partner's free time with yourself, but allow him to have his own interests, which you do not condemn, but respect.
11. You have a similar daily routine
In a normal relationship, you managed to adjust to the biorhythms of another without harming your own health and mood. If you are a morning person and your partner is a night owl and no one wants to change their habits, this can become a problem over time.
In a healthy relationship, you managed to negotiate and find a balance so that both feel comfortable.
12. You are a team
You always take your partner's side, at least in public. Of course, in private, you can always voice what you really think and why your partner acted imprudently or too abruptly, but in public you have learned to play on the same team.
13. You can speak with your partner in their love language
Sometimes it is important to see the world through the eyes of another person. Everyone has different needs, and that's okay. You have learned to understand what is truly important for your partner, and you know how to give him exactly what he needs, and not you. For example, it is important for someone to hear approving words of support. In this case, you know how to praise a person's talents, whether it's a virtuoso violin playing or the ability to get along with your mother.
14. You have sex
It's good, you want it.
Together.
What if all this is not about your couple
Sometimes you need to be patient. Of course, you should not change your partner every time you encounter difficulties. Hand on heart, it's hard to imagine that you can immediately see a soul mate in a stranger and begin to trust the most intimate.
Relationships between people — is a job that requires patience, effort and time. This is a complex but extremely interesting process, which is more correctly compared with a joint journey than with arriving at a destination.
Remember, a healthy relationship is not a battle where there is competition and one side will win at some point. You are a team, which means you work together because you have a common goal.
Love — is when it's difficult around you, but it's easy for you two.
Read also 🧐
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- 3 tricks to get rid of exhausting relationships
- What are interdependent relationships and how to build them
5 examples of healthy relationships in movies
Some would call them boring: no intensity of passion, no breathtaking passion, no tension that makes you worry about whether these two will end up together.
But we believe that popular culture really lacks examples of healthy relationships, when the couple coexists harmoniously together, and the audience feels love without twisted drama.
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Morticia and Gomez from The Addams Family
A union built on harmony and mutual understanding.
In principle, we can end with this couple - it seems that a more harmonious romantic film union cannot be imagined. Morticia and Gomez are a vivid example of a beautiful and passionate love story without cheating, intrigue or manipulation.
They have been married for many years, they have two children, but this does not prevent them from still looking at each other with loving eyes, going on dates, confessing their love to each other, admiring each other.
Gomez does not miss the opportunity to hug or kiss his wife, to compliment her. Morticia answers him the same. And most importantly, they manage to find a balance: devote time to each other, take care of children and spend time with their entire large family.
At the same time, their relationship is based not only on passion. They know what support, trust and openness are. They share their experiences with each other. For example, Gomez has been tormented by his conscience for several years because of his missing brother, and he always tells Morticia about his feelings. And most importantly, both he and Morticia know how not only to listen to each other, but to find the right words of support.
Even in the most difficult times, when the Addams family lost literally everything, they did not reproach each other, did not try to find out who was to blame, but, on the contrary, encouraged and tried to solve the problem together.
It is also noteworthy that Morticia and Gomez have a lot of common interests: cemeteries, funerals, love of destruction... They love to spend time together, but each has their own hobbies: Gomez has golf and fencing, Morticia has a garden and a little witchcraft. Each of them is an interesting and self-sufficient personality in itself, and in a pair their individual qualities are not suppressed, but are revealed even more strongly.
Moira and Johnny from Shitts Creek
Feelings are deeper than it might seem at first glance.
Johnny and Moira Rose are complete opposites. He is a wealthy businessman, a calm person by nature, with a gentle character. She is infantile and arrogant, a former soap opera actress. But how strong their bond is is evident from the very first episode.
The series begins with Rose's family being visited by the tax office and told that they are broke. They literally lost everything and were left without a roof over their heads. But neither Moira nor Johnny attack each other with accusations, do not swear. They are upset, lost, discouraged, but they are ready to go through this difficult period together, supporting each other.
Support is one of the main things to learn from this couple. They are always on each other's side, no matter how strange crazy or questionable ideas come to their minds. For example, when Moira again decided to return to her career as an actress, Johnny, although he was not enthusiastic about this idea, supported her decision. Just like Moira, she was happy with any undertakings of her husband - whether it was the restoration of a motel or the idea of running for city council.
And they are confident in each other.
A prime example is the episode in which Moira woke up in the same bed with the mayor of Shitts Creek, Roland, after a party. While Roland's wife was nervous about the possibility of infidelity, Johnny had no doubts about Moira.
On top of everything else, they often spend time together, do romantic things for each other, do some crazy things together. And the fact that when the Roses were allowed to take the most valuable thing from the house and for Johnny it was a bunch of love letters that Moira wrote at the beginning of the relationship, simply cannot help but make you believe in their love.
Ann and Gilbert from the series "Anne"
Touching manifestation of the first love.
Netflix's Ann is a wonderful series in every way: touching and life-affirming, made with great respect and love for Lucy Maud Montgomery's original text, while simultaneously "modernizing" it.
And the relationship of the main character Anne with classmate Gilbert Blythe is a key storyline that gradually develops over three seasons.
The beginning of their relationship can hardly be called healthy: Gilbert pulled Ann's pigtail, calling her a "carrot", for which he got quite a hard board in the face. Still, this is a bad way to attract the attention of the girl you like. But the way their relationship developed further is a good example of a strong friendship, which gradually leads to a much deeper feeling.
Both Ann and Gilbert are smart and ambitious, the best students in the class. Despite their rivalry, they even admire each other to some extent. Ann is confident that Gilbert will become an excellent doctor. And even when he himself doubts whether he needs it, Ann finds the words to make him believe in himself again. Well, Gilbert knows that whatever business Anne chooses in the future, she will succeed.
They support each other throughout the series. Ann was there when Gilbert's father died. Gilbert, in turn, was on Anne's side when she staged a "feminist revolution" in the city: she supported Josie Pye, who was the victim of harassment from their classmate Billy.
Gilbert also loves Ann for who she is. In the city, almost everyone considers her very strange because of her infantile nature and a completely different view of the world. The boys in the class, and some girls openly tell her that she is far from beautiful. Ann herself is also not happy with her appearance. But Gilbert is not embarrassed by either her red hair, or a thin physique, or freckles, or even a short haircut - he likes any of them.
Of course, their relationship wasn't all that smooth. For example, for a long time they could not confess their feelings to each other, and Gilbert almost got married to another girl.
But here you can make allowances for the fact that they are still teenagers and for the first time faced with real love.
Jake and Amy "Brooklyn 9-9"
Friendship turns into love.
Of all the dominant sitcom couples, Jake and Amy's relationship is truly the cutest and healthiest. Unlike the same Ross and Rachel, Penny and Leonard, Ted and Robin, who converged and diverged again over the course of several seasons, Jake and Amy's romance developed gradually.
Initially, they were on friendly terms, although they periodically played pranks on each other and often argued. Both Jake and Amy are really professionals, but they approach the matter in different ways. Ambitious Amy prefers to act according to the rules, and she always has a plan for any life event.
While Jake, on the contrary, is rather careless and is able to reduce any situation to a joke.
The sympathy between them is obvious from the pilot episode, but they themselves, according to the law of sitcoms, realize that they have romantic feelings for each other only after a season. And then another season converge. But then they show a really good example of a great developing romance in which partners support each other, seek compromises and work together on relationships.
First of all, despite the fact that they have completely different interests, they try to understand each other. For example, Amy loves Harry Potter, and in order to better understand her, Jake specifically reads the entire series. He himself is a big fan of Die Hard, and for their wedding Amy orders a cake in the form of the same skyscraper from the first film.
For eight seasons, they improve their relationship and help each other become better.
An emotional Amy becomes more relaxed around Jake, and he learns to talk about his feelings. Even in difficult times, like when Jake was sent to prison, they were together and dealt with all the problems together too.
Jake and Amy are a modern day couple. From the very beginning, there is indeed a competitive moment between them, but in one of the episodes, when Amy has the opportunity to go for a promotion and become Jake's boss, he supports her. Jake explains that it doesn't bother him that Amy is going to be higher than him, he is proud of her and believes in her.
Beth and Randall from This Is Us
An example of partnership and openness in marriage.
The relationship of these two is probably as close to real life as possible: they do not idealize marriage and show the difficulties that partners who have lived together for so many years may face.
Beth and Randall understand each other perfectly (just listen to their funny dialogues when they finish phrases one after another), have a great time together and generally seem to be a very harmonious couple.
At the same time, they periodically have conflicts, because not one, even the most ideal relationship, can do without quarrels and disagreements. But the way they overcome these conflicts deserves respect. They talk to each other: they discuss why this is happening and what needs to be done to solve it - they are looking for compromises
Honesty and openness in general are the main feature of the relationship between Beth and Randall. They tell each other everything, no matter how hard the truth is, and share even the most frightening thoughts. In addition, they do not hesitate to show each other their true feelings: laugh, cry, scream, worry, because they know that they will be accepted by anyone.
