Effects of child abandonment by mother

19 Lasting Effects of Abandoning or Emotionally Unavailable Parents

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By Audrey Sherman, Ph. D. on July 22, 2017

Dysfunctional families and parents come in many styles and carry out many different dynamics. One of the most damaging styles or dynamic is one where as a child you are abandoned or you live in fear of abandonment. This can be actual physical abandonment or emotional abandonment. Threats of abandonment are damaging also and are also common in these families. You may have lived in fear of being abandoned if you did not please your parent or caregiver.

This fear often manifests itself as depression as you feel helpless to control the impending abandonment. You may have suffered stomachaches or headaches as a child, signs of anxiety. You may not have known if the threats were real or if your parents were using these threats as a disciplinary technique. As a child you really shouldn’t have to think about that. You ideally would be in a safe and nurturing environment where your behavior was corrected in a constructive manner.

This parenting dynamic can be carried out by one parent or both. When parents fight with each other and one then threatens to leave all the time it creates fear and uncertainty. When a parent storms out of the house in anger you wonder if they are coming back.

If you are adopted or are from a step family or divorced family where one of your parents did not uphold contact or care with you after leaving you may suffer from attachment disorders or other emotional difficulties having to do with abandonment. You may have blamed yourself for the parent not sticking around. You feel if you had been “better” your parent would still be there.

Even the death of a parent can trigger symptoms, as well as the loss of a parent who is hospitalized for long periods. Even though this situation was not deliberate by your the parent, it may have felt like you had been abandoned. If everyone in the family was focused on the ill person, your emotional needs and fears may not have been addressed.

When actually abandoned, the idea or core belief is established that you are unlovable or unwanted.

If your parents used this technique to discipline it is likely that they suffered from an attachment disorder or other emotional difficulty themselves, starting in their own childhood. It was imprinted on them also that if you dont please the parent, love may be withheld. A belief that they then passed on to you.

If you grew up under these conditions you may not handle separation well, as you expect to be abandoned. That pending abandonment feeling can be fueled by very subtle things, like your partner being distracted or non-attentive. When in relationships, there is a pervasive feeling and belief that the other person will eventually be gone. These trust issues tend to hang on for life if not addressed.

Here are some examples of the kinds of statements heard in these dysfunctional households:

I am going to call the orphanage and give you away if you dont behave
I am going to call the snake farm and see if theyre hungry today.
I dont care what you do; I give up on you.
Do you want me to stop this car and put you out?
You can all stay here, I am leaving. Fend for yourselves.

Below are 19 emotional difficulties commonly experienced by adult children of abandoning/emotionally unavailable parents:

Abusive relationship
Anxiety Disorders or symptoms
Attachment Disorders
Borderline Personality Disorder
Care-taking and Codependency
Chaotic Lifestyle
Clingy/needy behavior
Compulsive behaviors may develop
Depression
Desperate relationships/relationships that happen too fast
Disturbances of mood, cannot self-regulate and experiences emotions in extreme
Extreme jealousy and possessiveness
Lack of confidence, self-esteem issue
May be poor at self-soothing
People-pleasing behaviors to detriment of self.
Poor coping strategies
Promiscuity
Relationship problems
Trust issues

If any of these describe you or if you have been diagnosed with any of these conditions it is likely that you feel bad about yourself. You may be being treated for a biochemical disorder or feel you have a mental illness. The sad part is that given what you experienced, how your brain dealt with it is normal. That is the way anyone would feel when abandoned. It does not mean something is wrong with you. It means something was wrong with your caregivers care-taking abilities and it created emotional distress for you.

Your brain developed coping mechanisms designed to protect you. It developed distrust in order to not be hurt again. It developed anxiety to be watchful for the same reasons and so on. It told you to develop strategies for hanging on to people so you wouldn’t be left alone. Even if those strategies might not be great for you in the long run. Remember, the underlying powerful emotion driving these developments is fear. Fear can make us do funny things. Not funny ha ha but funny as in hard to explain.

Understanding this is critical to your well-being. It does not mean you have to reject, confront, blame or punish your parents in some way. It just means you have to gain insight into what was the true starting point of your current emotional difficulties in order to develop a clear path to feeling better. As a child you couldn’t do much to escape your distress but as an adult you can conquer it by understanding its roots and putting it in it’s place.

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By Audrey Sherman, Ph.D. on July 22, 2017

19 Lasting Effects of Abandoning or Emotionally Unavailable Parents

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By Audrey Sherman, Ph. D. on July 22, 2017

When actually abandoned, the idea or core belief is established that you are unlovable or unwanted.

Here are some examples of the kinds of statements heard in these dysfunctional households:

I am going to call the orphanage and give you away if you dont behave
I am going to call the snake farm and see if theyre hungry today.
I dont care what you do; I give up on you.
Do you want me to stop this car and put you out?
You can all stay here, I am leaving. Fend for yourselves.

Below are 19 emotional difficulties commonly experienced by adult children of abandoning/emotionally unavailable parents:

Abusive relationship
Anxiety Disorders or symptoms
Attachment Disorders
Borderline Personality Disorder
Care-taking and Codependency
Chaotic Lifestyle
Clingy/needy behavior
Compulsive behaviors may develop
Depression
Desperate relationships/relationships that happen too fast
Disturbances of mood, cannot self-regulate and experiences emotions in extreme
Extreme jealousy and possessiveness
Lack of confidence, self-esteem issue
May be poor at self-soothing
People-pleasing behaviors to detriment of self.
Poor coping strategies
Promiscuity
Relationship problems
Trust issues

FEEDBACK:

By Audrey Sherman, Ph.D. on July 22, 2017

Child abandonment: causes, procedure, consequences

Legal basis
- Main reasons for child abandonment
- Reasons for a mother to abandon a child
- Reasons for the father of the father
Child abandonment procedure
Legal consequences
- Can a refusal be annulled?
- How soon can a child be adopted?

There are situations in life when parents cannot bear such a burden as raising children, and therefore decide to abandon them. Some do it immediately at the birth of a child, while others, for a number of reasons, do it until the child comes of age.

Simply giving up a child is not legally possible. There is not a single article in the legislation of the Russian Federation that would regulate the process of unauthorized refusal to support and raise a child. Therefore, further in the article the legal basis for abandoning children, the reasons and consequences of such a decision will be considered.

Legal basis

The law does not recognize or describe or regulate actions such as voluntary relinquishment of parental rights. The Family Code of the Russian Federation does not contain such an article.

Having written a refusal from the child and submitted all the necessary documents to the court, you should not consider yourself free and not related to the child. It is worth waiting for an answer and finding out the amount of alimony, which, according to the court order, the parent will still transfer to the upbringing of persons who will take responsibility for the child.

Often, the behavior of the father in the family is unworthy. And the mother is ready to take any action, if only he wrote a refusal of the child and no longer harmed and interfered with the upbringing of the child, did not oppress the minor morally and did not punish physically.

The above example shows that if the father behaves unworthily, and in his place there is a man who is ready to take responsibility for the child - to adopt the baby. The problem is that the place of the father, according to the law, is already taken. In order to release him, the biological father must be deprived of parental rights. If the procedure is carried out voluntarily, with the consent of both parties, then the biological father writes the refusal of the child.

Regulate the procedure for voluntary abandonment of a child by one of the parents of Articles 69, 70, 71 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation. The articles describe the regulation of the procedure for deprivation of parental rights, but the abandonment of a child, in this case, is equivalent to the deprivation of parental rights.

An application is made according to the rules given in Article 131 of the Code of Civil Procedure of the Russian Federation. The law establishes that the format of the trial must comply with that described in paragraphs. 4 p. 1 art. 23 and 24 Code of Civil Procedure of the Russian Federation.

Main reasons for abandoning a child

In order to abandon a child (lose parental rights), you need to know what the consequences of such a decision will be. It also requires reasons according to which it is possible to initiate the procedure for depriving parental rights and writing a voluntary abandonment of the child.

Article 69 of the Family Code of Russia describes the reasons why you can write a refusal of a child:

Father refuses to pay maintenance payments to the account;
Spouses want to divorce or are already divorced, as a result they do not want to contact each other;
A conscious decision not to take your child out of a medical facility. For example, a mother refuses a child in a maternity hospital;
One of the parents uses brute force against the child;
Providing psychological pressure on a child, manipulative behavior;
The presence of one of the parents in the family poses a threat to the life and health of the child;
An ancestor has a severe form of dependence - alcohol addiction, addiction to drugs, etc.;

The procedure for abandoning a child will vary depending on whether the mother or father wishes to write a refusal, the reasons for the refusal and the circumstances. To begin with, consider the general grounds for abandoning a child.

Court practice is not alien to cases when both parents want to give the child into more reliable hands and want to write a refusal of the child. Often such situations happen in the maternity hospital, and parents indicate the following reasons:

the mother's pregnancy was not planned by the couple, their young age does not allow them to assume responsibility for the maintenance and upbringing of the newborn;
by birth, the infant was diagnosed with a serious illness;
difficult financial situation, the state of health of parents, which does not allow them to earn large sums and provide for little.

Reasons why a mother may refuse a child

A mother who wishes to abandon her child in the maternity hospital cannot do so by signing only a refusal. She will have to go through the appropriate procedures in court, after which she will be deprived of her rights to the child, who will then be transferred to the authorized bodies to ensure the protection of the baby's life and consider who will continue to raise him - the state or he will be adopted into the family.

Regardless of the reason for the deprivation of rights and abandonment of the child, the mother is not exempted from paying the amount established by the court for the maintenance of the child, until the child reaches 18 years of age.

The child has the right to inherit the property of the parents, even if they have renounced it. This is true until the adoption of this child by another couple. In this case, he will have the right to inherit the property only of the adoptive parents.

In the event of the death of a parent who wrote a waiver of the child and was deprived of parental rights, but transferred maintenance payments, the authorized bodies issue a survivor's pension for the child in the amount of payments received earlier. As can be seen from the description presented, it will not work to completely part with responsibilities. He will need to be supported, he may inherit the benefits of his parents, and so on.

What to do mother refuser who wants to say goodbye to the baby in the maternity hospital. A number of mothers leave the territory of the maternity hospital, leaving the child and not informing anyone about it. This is a negative outcome. But, there are also mothers who, for a number of reasons, cannot assume the responsibility for raising a child. In this case, they act as follows:

write an application addressed to the head physician of the maternity hospital;
in the document indicate that they do not plan to take the child;
consent to the adoption of the infant by third parties.

The application is written on a sheet of A4 paper, by hand. It indicates the address of residence of the mother, her full name, certified by the signature of the woman giving birth. Having received such papers, the head physician sends them to the guardianship and guardianship authorities, which redirect the papers to the court and initiate the procedure for deprivation of parental rights. According to the law, the procedure takes about six months, which are given to the mother to think about her decision and solve everyday problems, due to which she cannot take the baby to raise.

Not only maternity hospitals refuse to raise a minor. A married woman, for a number of reasons, can also initiate a child abandonment procedure. In this case, confirmation of the father of the child is required. The man with whom the woman is divorced is also recognized as the father of the child, but less than 300 days have passed since the divorce. The former spouse, not wanting to take responsibility for the child, is urged by the court to file a similar application for deprivation of parental rights.

There is no need to look for a father if she is not married or if more than 300 days have passed since the divorce.

If a man, having learned about the mother's actions, wants to take responsibility for raising the baby, he must apply to the court and express a desire to become the legal representative of the child.

Immediate relatives have priority in adoption. In case of refusal of the mother from the child, any relative can, by law, arrange for custody or adopt the latter.

Reasons for the father's father

Situations in which the father wishes to write a voluntary renunciation of the child are not frequent. According to statistics, fathers make such a categorical decision if they know that the pupil is not native. How to write a father to refuse a child, so as not to be related to him by blood ties?

It was noted above that Russian legislation does not provide for the voluntary abandonment of a child, and even if the procedure is initiated, it has the character of deprivation of parental rights. In any situation, the court should provide the reasons and grounds for which the father no longer wants to be related to the child by family ties.

Common reasons for a father to refuse a child:

Desire to relieve himself of the burden of paying child support. But negligent parents do not know that, by law, they cannot relieve themselves of this obligation. They will lose their rights to the child, but will be required to transfer maintenance payments to the account of the mother or the person responsible for the child;
The second common reason why fathers want to lose paternity is doubt about the blood relationship between the child and the father, accusing the mother of the child that the father is another man. The court will order a series of procedures to establish the presence of a blood connection using DNA analyzes and tests. If the father was right, his name is deleted from the child's birth certificate. If he turned out to be the real father, his application is rejected;
The entry of the mother into a new marriage, where her husband agrees to adopt the child, and the biological father uses this opportunity to relieve himself of the responsibility to raise the child.

Child abandonment procedure

For voluntary deprivation of the rights to a child, a parent must go through a procedure consisting of two stages:

Drawing up an application.
Judicial procedure.

An application cannot be submitted by a parent who is deprived of their rights (unless it is a mother who refuses, as described in more detail above). By law, the procedure must protect the interests of the minor, and therefore third parties are involved in the process.

List of persons who can apply:

relatives: grandmothers, aunts, uncles, sisters, etc.;
representatives of guardianship and guardianship authorities;
person representing the interests of the child.

Further, the procedure is as follows:

filing a claim;
collection of the necessary package of documents;
notarized parental waiver;
payment of a fee;
appeal to the authorized body of the court;
conducting court sessions;
obtaining a copy of the court decision;
appeal to the registry office.

New and up-to-date information will be added to the documents in the registry office. Without making the necessary notes by the registry office, the procedure is considered incomplete. A correctly completed application is submitted to the court.

Additional rules for consideration of such cases:

the presence of representatives of guardianship and guardianship authorities is mandatory;
the prosecutor must be present at court hearings, as it is about protecting the rights and interests of a minor;
if the child is 10 years old, the judge may ask him a number of questions, but if a teacher or psychologist is present;
If the application for termination of parental rights was filed by the mother, she can provide documentary evidence that the parent is not coping with his duties and deserves the termination of parental rights.

In case of voluntary abandonment of a child, the package of documents is as follows:

identity documents of family members who will be involved in the process;
statement of claim from a third party for deprivation of parental rights;
child abandonment application.

Legal consequences

Renunciation of parental rights can be voluntary or forced. In both situations the parent loses the following rights:

Take care of the child;
To be a representative of that person in various instances;
Ability to protect the child and request his extradition if he is retained by third parties;
The parent will not be able to inherit the property of a minor who has been abandoned;
Termination of benefits and benefits to the parent;
In case of disability, the objector will not be able to count on the support of the offspring.

Despite this, the parents remain obligated to pay maintenance for a minor until he reaches 18 years of age. You can get rid of this obligation if the baby is adopted into another family. In this case, the minimum payment period for the parent will be 6 months.

Why does a parent have to pay child support even after receiving a positive decision from the court on deprivation of parental rights? If the baby had only one parent who abandoned him, or both, information about him is entered into the database for adoption. For the entire period, while there is a family willing to take the child in for upbringing, the objector parent will pay alimony. The biological parent will be released from this obligation, according to article 120 of the RF IC , only after the end of the adoption process.

It is a known fact that not all children find a foster family. In such a case, the opting-out parent will pay until the 18th birthday of their offspring. It is worth transferring funds to the bank account of the person exercising guardianship and guardianship of the small.

Is it possible to cancel the refusal?

Parents have 6 months to think about their decision. Regardless of the reason for which they expressed a desire to abandon a minor, his ancestors have the opportunity to challenge the decision of the court. If the parents did not take any action within this period, it will no longer be possible to challenge the judge's decision later.

How soon can a child be adopted?

Information about the parents is entered into the child's birth certificate by the registry office. Therefore, while information about the father will be located in his column, no one will be able to adopt the boy. Also, they will not be able to give it forever to the guardianship and guardianship authorities, without initiating the process by the court.

When a parent voluntarily gives up his offspring, after filing an application with the court, it will come into force and legal action only after six months. Further, the registry office enters in the appropriate column information about the parents, or rather, about their absence. After that, the adoption procedure becomes legally available.

Regardless of the reasons that led to the desire to deprive yourself of the obligation to raise a child, you should keep in mind some general rules when going through the procedure:

cooperation with guardianship and guardianship authorities is welcome;

in all instances it is worth reporting only reliable data about yourself;

the minor must have a birth certificate;

permission to adopt a child by third parties should be certified by a notary.

Thus, regardless of the reason for the parent's refusal of his blood, it is worth taking care that his future life is given to worthy hands.

Popular questions on the topic:

✅ How to abandon a child?

To refuse a child in a maternity hospital or before he reaches the age of majority, you must write an application to the relevant authorities and wait for its consideration. It is impossible to voluntarily abandon the baby and stop any payments for its maintenance.

✅ Refusal of the child by the mother: reasons

A mother cannot simply abandon her child; she must write an application for deprivation of parental rights and understand all the consequences of such a procedure.

✅ Can a father give up a child voluntarily?

The father has the right to abandon the child, filling out an application for deprivation of parental rights and completely removing himself from the opportunity to participate in the life of the baby.

Voluntary waiver of parental rights

Contents

In what cases is it possible to waive your parental rights

How to file an application

What are the consequences of waiving the rights of a parent

Protecting the interests of the rights of a minor child is a priority for the state. The right of the child to upbringing and development in the family, to live with his parents is enshrined in Art. 54 of the Family Code. An exception to this rule can only be cases where, in such cohabitation, his interests are violated or infringed. Russian legislation does not contain such a legal norm as a voluntary renunciation of parental rights.

If the fact of kinship with a child is officially registered, that is, a citizen is indicated as a parent in the birth certificate, then he is obliged to take care of the upbringing and ensure the maintenance of his child. In the event that a parent fails to fulfill his/her obligations, he/she may be deprived of parental rights. But even in such a situation, he must financially support the child on the basis of paragraph 2. article 71 of the Family Code . If a child lives in an orphanage, the state obliges the parent to pay funds for his maintenance. In order to relieve himself of this obligation, for a citizen such an option as renunciation of parental rights is possible.

In what cases is it possible to waive your parental rights

Important!

If the child who was abandoned is already 10 years old, parental rights can be restored only with his consent. His opinion will be heard by the court in the absence of outside witnesses (including parents) and if the child is against returning to the parent, the court will refuse to restore parental rights. Read more in this article

In fact, in this case, we are not talking about refusal, but about consent to the adoption of a child by another person. This may be a specific person or an indefinite person to whom a citizen transfers his parental responsibilities for upbringing and maintenance. Consent to adoption may be made in writing in the form of an application or expressed orally and reflected in the court decision during the hearing of the adoption case.

The issue of adoption is decided in court on the basis of an application from a person who wants to adopt a child. If the consent of the biological parent is attached to the application, then his presence at the court session is not required. As long as the court has not made a decision, consent can be withdrawn. The decision enters into force at the end of 10 days after the adoption, you can get it with a mark on entry into force at the court office.

Important!
Consent to adoption is not required if the parent does not live with the child for more than six months, does not raise him, and the court found the reasons for such behavior disrespectful.

The consent itself does not establish the voluntary renunciation of parental rights by the mother or father, this occurs only after the entry into force of the court decision on adoption. If a citizen has given consent to adoption to the guardianship authorities or to the second parent, then he has no right to consider that from that moment it is no longer necessary to take care of the child. Until the adoption has taken place, formally all rights and obligations in relation to the child remain with him, for example, the obligation to pay alimony (you can read about the amount of alimony for two children here https://divorceinfo.ru/2401-spetsifika-vyplaty-alimentov-na- dvoih-detei)

How to make an application

The standard form of this document is not approved, but there are some features that should be reflected in the application.

In the header of the application indicate the name and address of the guardianship authority, as well as the applicant's details: full name, address, contact details. You can contact the guardianship department at the place of residence of the parent or adoptive parent, there are no legislative restrictions here, you must accept the application in any department.

The applicant then consents to the adoption of the child. If consent is given to a specific person, the full passport details and address of the adopter are indicated. In the case when a citizen simply renounces parental rights, he reflects in the application that he trusts the choice of adoptive parents to the guardianship authorities, and will not have claims to this choice.

The conclusion should indicate that the applicant understands the consequences of his consent to the adoption of the child.

The application is certified by a notary or guardianship authority. This can be done both at the place of residence of the adoptive parent, and at the place of residence of the parent who gives consent. An example of the waiver of parental rights of the father can be seen below.

What are the consequences of giving up the rights of a parent

An adopted child acquires property and non-property rights in relation to his new parent, that is, from that moment on they are considered blood relatives.
Learn more

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Fear of conflict

Effects of child abandonment by mother

Obnoxious personality disorder

How to deal with racing thoughts

Cheap mental health services

Insights personality types

Effects of child abandonment by mother

19 Lasting Effects of Abandoning or Emotionally Unavailable Parents

Here are some examples of the kinds of statements heard in these dysfunctional households:

Below are 19 emotional difficulties commonly experienced by adult children of abandoning/emotionally unavailable parents:

Read this next

19 Lasting Effects of Abandoning or Emotionally Unavailable Parents

Here are some examples of the kinds of statements heard in these dysfunctional households:

Below are 19 emotional difficulties commonly experienced by adult children of abandoning/emotionally unavailable parents:

Read this next

Child abandonment: causes, procedure, consequences

Legal basis

Main reasons for abandoning a child

Reasons why a mother may refuse a child

Reasons for the father's father

Child abandonment procedure

Legal consequences

Is it possible to cancel the refusal?

How soon can a child be adopted?

Voluntary waiver of parental rights

In what cases is it possible to waive your parental rights

How to make an application

What are the consequences of giving up the rights of a parent