Chronic low self esteem
Finding the Source of Low Self-Esteem and Breaking the Cycle
Confidence, or self-esteem, is a mental state that can affect every layer of our lives. The state of your self-esteem can affect personal and professional relationships, successes and mental health. “Self-esteem is one’s confidence in the ability to navigate and cope with life’s challenges and the confidence that one is worthy of love, accomplishment, success, joy and happiness,” says Dr. Crystal Frazier, psychologist at UT Health East Texas.
“Low self-esteem occurs when an individual feels unprepared to manage ordinary life challenges, has low self-confidence in their ability for accomplishment, is afraid of asserting their thoughts and desires and feels unworthy or underserving of love or happiness,” says Dr. Frazier. “When self-esteem is low one’s ability to thrive, adapt and recover when faced with ordinary adversity is diminished.”
The importance of self-esteem is significant, which is why sources of bad self-esteem should be identified and eliminated from your life. Dr. Frazier shares information on the effects of self-esteem and how to make positive changes to give it a lasting boost.
Why Low Self-Esteem is an Issue
Low self-esteem can impact personal, social and professional functioning and reduce overall quality of life. When experiencing low self-esteem, one may shy away from challenging situations, avoid social situations and stop trying new things. Avoidance can be protective in the short term; however, this avoidance serves to reinforce self-doubt and unhealthy coping.
Living with low self-esteem long-term can impact mental health and lead to problems such as anxiety and depression. Individuals with low self-esteem may develop unhealthy behaviors such as smoking and drinking as another way to cope with low confidence, fear and self-doubt.
Finding the Source
Low self-esteem often begins during childhood and results from hearing or interpreting messages from significant people including parents, siblings, friends and teachers, who were often very critical.
This type of feedback results in thoughts such as “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not loveable,” or feeling as if they are unable to live up to others or their own expectations.
Other causes throughout the lifespan include poor or abusive treatment from a partner or parent. A stressful life event (loss of a loved one, financial problems, unemployment), chronic medical or mental health illnesses and disabilities can also lessen our view of ourselves. Consistently setting unachievable high standards for one’s self can impact level of self-esteem, too.
Other Factors Impacting Self-Esteem
There are many factors impacting self-esteem or one’s confidence. If you have a negative opinion of yourself or engage in self-criticism, self-doubt and are uncertain whether you are deserving of happiness, the way you engage in life in general will be impacted.
Here are some questions to ask yourself if you are suffering from low self-esteem:
- Is my partner supportive?
- Do I participate in engaging social activities?
- Am I consistent in my fitness routine?
- Is my diet helping or hurting my mood and overall wellbeing?
- Do I spend too much time on social media?
How to Break the Negative Cycle
Chronic low self-esteem can be debilitating and demoralizing, possibly leading to mental health concerns such as depression and anxiety.
If you are experiencing significant impairment in social, occupational, or other areas of your life, you may want to seek assistance from a mental health professional. However, there are my many self-help actions you can take to increase your self-esteem.
Tips for building self-esteem on your own:
- Identify Your Strengths - Finding and enjoying what you’re good at can to elevate your mood and increase positive thinking.
- Build a Positive Environment - Surround yourself with positive people and distance yourself from people who tend to lower your mood or who themselves engage in negative thoughts or comments.
- Set a Goal - Challenge yourself by setting a realistic goal, and once achieved, recognize and write down thoughts and feelings associated with your accomplishment. Success helps to increase self-esteem.
- Make Yourself Heard - Practice being assertive. Challenge yourself to express wants, desires, thoughts and opinions.
Initially, you may feel emotionally uncomfortable. Afterward write down and reflect on thoughts and feelings. Focus on the positive. - List Affirmations - Read and write positive messages daily. Browse inspirational and self-help sites, or find self-help guides you identify with.
- Shutdown the Negative Self-Talk - Challenge negative self-talk. For example, one may write “I’m not lovable.” Disproving this thought can include writing down who calls or visits regularly such as a parent, child, or friend or writing down good things people say about you.
- Kill Comparisons - Stop comparing yourself to others. Accept that everyone is different, and your life has as much value as others.
- Feel the Self-Love - Appreciate yourself. Don’t minimize compliments, achievements or attribute successes to “luck.”
Low Self-Esteem is Common and Can Be Changed
At times, we all experience reduced confidence and do not have the best opinion of ourselves.
But chronic low confidence/self-esteem can be destructive, lead to mental health concerns and reduce quality of life. The good news is self-esteem is not static and can be changed with consistent effort. Increasing self-esteem takes time and practice, so the more frequently you engage in the tips listed above or more formal assistance when needed, the more likely you are to build and sustain improvements in self-confidence.
UT Health East Texas can assist you with increasing self-esteem and with treating commonly associated mental health problems such as depression and anxiety. Our team of licensed mental health providers including psychiatrists, psychologists, clinical social workers, counselors and other trained staff, are dedicated to providing comprehensive and compassionate mental health care. Treatment can be pharmacologic, or talk-based using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT is effective for treating characteristics associated with low-self-esteem including excessive self-criticism, fear, self-doubt, low assertiveness, and a sense of being unworthy.
For more information about the behavioral health services available at UT Health East Texas, please visit our web page.
Dr. Crystal Frazier is a doctoral level trained Licensed Psychologist with extensive education in clinical psychology. She is an assistant professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Medicine and a member of the doctoral psychology internship program training committee. Dr. Frazier has managed her own psychological services practice where she provided care to older adolescents, and adults. She has a special interest in caring for patients struggling with anxiety, depression, and trauma related symptoms. She is passionate about helping clients complete the often very challenging therapeutic work and helping them achieve their goals for positive life changes. Patients can see Dr. Frazier by appointment in our Adult Psychiatry Clinic at North Campus Tyler.
What Are the Signs to Look For and How to Deal with It
Written by WebMD Editorial Contributors
Medically Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD on November 23, 2020
In this Article
- What is Low Self-Esteem?
- Signs of Low Self-Esteem
- Dealing with Low Self-Esteem
What is Low Self-Esteem?
Low self-esteem is when someone lacks confidence about who they are and what they can do.
They often feel incompetent, unloved, or inadequate. People who struggle with low self-esteem are consistently afraid about making mistakes or letting other people down.
Having self-esteem issues can be detrimental to your health and negatively affect your personal and professional relationships. There are many reasons why you may have low self-esteem — your genes, how and where you grew up, and other life circumstances all play a role.
A major factor of low self-esteem, however, comes from your own mental state. Your inner voice, or the thoughts in your head, can be constantly telling you that you are not good enough or worth anything, even if there is evidence to the contrary. Negative thinking in general is linked to low self-worth and low self-esteem.
Signs of Low Self-Esteem
There are several signs that either you or someone you know may be struggling with low self-esteem. Those signs of low self-esteem include:
Sensitivity to Criticism
If you have low self-esteem you may be extra sensitive to criticism, whether from others or yourself.
You see it only as reinforcing your flaws and confirming that you are incapable of doing anything right.
Social Withdrawal
Declining invitations to go to a party or meet up with friends, canceling scheduled plans last-minute, and generally not wanting to be around others are signs of low self-esteem. You may not have any desire to hold a conversation or talk about your life because it will only reinforce the depression and anxiety you are already experiencing.
Hostility
For someone with low self-esteem, lashing out or becoming aggressive towards others is a defense mechanism. If you feel that you are about to be exposed or criticized, attacking whoever might criticize you can be a sign of low self-esteem.
Excessive Preoccupation with Personal Problems
Consistently worrying about your own personal issues takes up a lot of time for someone with low self-esteem. You may struggle to help or empathize with someone else’s problems because you are too preoccupied with your own.
Physical Symptoms
Low self-esteem has been shown to lead to mental and physical health issues like depression, anxiety, and anorexia. It can also lead to unhealthy habits like smoking tobacco, alcohol abuse, or drug use.
Dealing with Low Self-Esteem
You can overcome low self-esteem with the right support, mindset, and change in behaviors. Start with these steps to begin improving your self-esteem:
Identify Troubling Conditions and Situations
Take a moment to think about certain conditions and situations in your life that seem to always deflate your self-esteem. It could be giving a work presentation, dealing with a difficult family member or friend, or facing a life-changing event, like a job loss or a move.
Become Aware of Your Thoughts and Beliefs
After you’ve identified the times in your life where you have felt low self-esteem, evaluate your thoughts about them. How are you interpreting what happened? These thoughts could be either positive, negative, or neutral.
They can be based on facts or irrational and false ideas.
If you take a moment to notice what you are thinking, you can begin to understand whether or not your reactions to what has happened are appropriate and useful.
Challenge Negative or Inaccurate Thoughts
It is important to ask yourself whether your thoughts are consistent with facts or logic. There could be another explanation for a situation that is truer than your interpretation. Sometimes it is hard to break from long-held beliefs that have become part of your reality. Understand that it can take time and patience to overcome any negative preconceived notions toward your life that you’ve built up.
Adjust your mindset
You’ve been able to identify the times where you’ve felt a blow to your self-esteem. You’ve become self-aware about how and why you have the thoughts and feelings towards those events. Now you can take a step back and analyze those thoughts and emotions.
You now have the power to change your thought patterns to raise your self-esteem.
Remember to think and feel hopeful statements, focus on the positive aspects of all situations, and not be afraid to relabel upsetting thoughts. And most importantly, don’t hesitate to forgive yourself. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. It doesn’t make you a bad person—it just makes you human.
Where does low self-esteem really come from and how to fix it?
Health
Low self-esteem (which is formed due to childhood traumas, biological characteristics and bad life experiences) can be dealt with. The scientific director of the psychological center "Quality of Life", a specialist in the field of cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy Alexander Erichev told Sobaka.Ru what steps will help to do this.
Reasons for low self-esteem
People with low self-esteem always have negative core beliefs about themselves. They appear in the process of life experience - including if a person has faced a large number of punishments, prohibitions, insults, neglect.
The first group of such beliefs is associated with defectiveness ("I'm somehow not like that"), the second - with helplessness ("I'm weak") and the third - with the lack of love ("they don't like me").
Negative beliefs often arise when childhood is not satisfied basic needs. First of all, the need for love and acceptance. For example, at the time of the birth of a child, maternal feelings did not awaken at the mother, and the father generally disappeared in an unknown direction. Another situation is emotional deprivation from parents. For example, they were not used to expressing warm feelings, were less emotional than other families.
Quite often people suffer from low self-esteem, who seemed to have quite good support in the family, but got into a situation of prolonged bullying. For example, at school, such a situation can seriously change the perception of oneself. The man, remembering the time of persecution, says that he felt fear and helplessness.
He was in a state of chronic stress for a very long time, and this negative experience stuck with him.
When a person's self-esteem is distorted, he finds even more evidence in events that he is bad
There are also biological preconditions for low self-esteem to become fixed in a person. For example, a dandelion baby and an orchid baby can be born in the same family. "Dandelion" will grow through the asphalt and will be less sensitive to environmental factors. Such a child will more easily cope with the same bullying. And the orchid child, who, for biological reasons, is more vulnerable and shy, will not be able to resolve this situation, perhaps he will not even seek support from his parents. We must not forget that we all have different types of nervous system. We are different from each other even at birth, and then life also leaves its serious imprint. The production of hormones changes, stress reactions are fixed.
Distortions in personal thinking play a huge role in our self-esteem.
We all perceive the same situation differently. Recent studies show that even our memories should not be trusted, because they are seriously distorted, including under the influence of our emotions. So, if a person has a distorted personal self-esteem, and he feels weak, helpless, defective and lazy, then he will also perceive all the events that happen to him in a distorted way. And find more and more evidence that he is bad.
One person with low self-esteem will avoid contact with the opposite sex out of fear, while another will have a huge number of casual relationships
What bad thoughts about ourselves lead to
in addition, the person himself tries to protect himself from them by a set of rules. That is, he seeks to prevent the confirmation of his fears and fears. For example, if he thinks that he is unloved, then what strategies of behavior will he demonstrate? They can be completely opposite. One will avoid contact with the opposite sex for fear of being rejected anyway.
The other will choose a different behavior: on the contrary, he will have a huge number of casual connections, and he will perceive each acquaintance as a trophy. In appearance, he will seem confident and impudent, but in fact, behind this behavior, hide his negative attitudes towards himself. Such rules that a person has created for himself can be different. For example, a person decides that he must always be polite. Or if he is criticized, it immediately means that he is bad. And if he doesn't try his best, he won't achieve anything.
A person with low self-esteem attributes all failures to himself, and success to chance
To assess your self-esteem, ask yourself a series of questions. Has your life experience taught you to value yourself for who you are? Do you have a good opinion of yourself? Do you take good care of yourself and take care of yourself? Do you like yourself? Do you value both your strengths and weaknesses equally? Are you quite satisfied? Do you feel entitled to other people's attention and time? Do you judge yourself the same way you judge others – no more, no less? Are you more inclined to encourage yourself than engage in self-criticism?
When working on self-esteem, one should not strive for it to become inflated and fly away into space.
This is also not good. When we deliberately make unrealistic demands of ourselves and declare something like “I am the king of the world,” the more often reality tells us that something is wrong with our beliefs about ourselves. High self-esteem is often unstable, so external circumstances can easily unsettle a person. And you need to strive first of all for stability and learn to support yourself.
A person is more likely to conditionally “get” depression or an anxiety disorder if he attributes all failures to himself, and attributes all positive things to chance. Namely, this is usually done by a person with low self-esteem.
Unfounded criticism in your address is easy to track and stop
What to do? Stop criticizing yourself, punish yourself
Psychotherapists distinguish several modes, that is, emotional states, which we enter from time to time. One of the unhealthy is the regime of a critical or punishing parent.
In it, we force ourselves to experience feelings of inferiority and guilt, point out that we owe something. At the same time, we criticize for such trifles for which we would never scold others. And we punish in those moments when we really need help.
You can easily see how this mode turns on. He additionally supports low self-esteem or even lowers it even more. For example, when you say to yourself: “Could have done better”, “Why is this not so good?”, “Is that all you did?”, “Others can, and you can”. You also present the results of your work as some kind of nonsense. Others praise you, but you think: “No, it seemed to them, I just got lucky.”
Learn to turn off your inner critic mode and be more supportive of yourself
The good news is that we can easily detect and stop unreasonable self-criticism and devaluation in ourselves. This skill is quite possible to develop even without the help of a psychotherapist.
Although it can take a decent amount of time. Try to observe your critical parent for at least a week. You will most likely notice that he appears even when you shouldn't be scolding yourself.
Try to translate self-criticism into self-compassion. Instead of the desire to punish and condemn yourself, you should switch to the desire to correct the situation and achieve a better result. Instead of looking to the past, look to the future and try to figure out what can be done now. Shift the focus from your mistakes to your strengths and resources, and instead of frustration, anger, and anxiety, try to be supportive of yourself.
Learn to express emotions, both negative and positive
Stand up for your boundaries and rights
Develop assertiveness - the ability to stand up for your boundaries and rights so as not to destroy someone else's personal space. It is believed that assertive behavior quite clearly correlates with adequate self-esteem.
What does it include? Open and sincere expression of positive emotions, as well as open (but adequate) expression of negative ones. We need to learn how to properly express our negative emotions - this is very important. Assertiveness also includes the ability to self-defense and the ability to say “no”. Quite often, when we feel anxious and helpless inside, we agree to things that are obviously unpleasant for us. And then we begin to blame ourselves: “How could you, you definitely had to refuse, why didn’t you refuse, you could pull yourself together!” Assertiveness also includes initiative, the ability to offer, ask, respect one’s own dignity - now this is beautifully called such a term as “proactivity”.
Often we can't say "no" to a person and end up blaming ourselves for it even more
Practice assertive behavior other than "You're a rag, come on!" , but in the style of "You're worried, but let's try to take a small step now." It is also worth praising yourself for trying, even if it has not yet been successful.
For example, you failed to deny, although you tried to do so. Or you said “no” but the other person insisted that you say “yes”. But this is already a reason to tell yourself that you have practically succeeded, although not yet completely.
Take care of your needs
Learn to take care of yourself and your needs (again, without overstepping other people's boundaries). This is probably the most difficult advice, because it requires a fairly good level of awareness. You can learn this slowly - you feel that you want to drink water and drink it. Try to listen to more ambiguous needs and feel your desires.
Imagine praising yourself as your favorite child
Learn self-efficacy
Self-efficacy is the extent to which we are aware of our ability to cope with certain circumstances. If we feel that the world is so inexplicable and cruel that we cannot do anything, then naturally we will evaluate ourselves worse. If we perceive our ability to act, this gives us significant help and support.
For me, a good example of self-efficacy is independent travel. At first you are scared, and then you get the feeling that the world around you is quite friendly, that you can easily deal with the transport network and find yourself a place to sleep.
Support yourself and celebrate your achievements
It is important that support and praise in your address does not turn into something like: "I'm so cool." Think about what you can support yourself for today? What good did you do during the day? Imagine that you yourself, as your beloved child, say good words. At the same time, praise can be not only for certain successful actions. For example, I survived a difficult situation, I coped with it - this is also a reason for praise. It will be good if it becomes your tradition to notice your achievements.
Build goals in accordance with personal values
To reinforce an adequate and stable self-esteem, you need to learn to look for your values.
Note that values are not goals. For example, buying a car is a goal. And what could be the value here? Freedom of movement, travel. The goal can be achieved and after that it will not be. And the value is unattainable, this is a certain stage of the path. It is very important to understand what your values are and, if possible, build your life in this direction. But do not turn it into a radical search for "one's destiny." This is a dangerous and wrong situation.
Some of our values may conflict with each other. For example, it is important for you to travel and develop, while you dream of children. Then at some point you will have to learn how to travel with children, and not in splendid isolation. In addition, values may change throughout life. Do not be afraid of this - the main thing is to be flexible. Also try to get together with the people closest to you and describe your values and goals. You can turn it into a tradition.
Do not set yourself global, hard-to-reach goals and don't focus on the funds you don't have.
It is better to gradually complicate the tasks than to immediately set the bar too high. And cheer yourself on the way to their implementation.
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Author:
Katerina Reznikova,
Low self-esteem: how to improve it?
128,297
Know yourself A man among men
Low self-esteem makes us more vulnerable to the smallest psychological stab, so that even small failures and disappointments can break through walls, break through psychological fortifications and penetrate deep into the soul.
If self-esteem is low, then such trifles as criticism of the authorities or the cancellation of a meeting with a friend worsen the mood much more than they should. We begin to blame ourselves for what happened, taking events too close to our hearts and bouncing back too slowly after that.
Indeed, low self-esteem turns the usual psychological shelling that each of us periodically undergoes into a real siege. But overly high self-esteem entails its own difficulties.
Thus, narcissists have enormous self-esteem and exceptionally high self-esteem, but they are easily offended and lose their temper when they are criticized, even if the criticism is insignificant: for such people there are no small insults.
Two-thirds of us are average in every single area
Since they react so sharply to even small remarks, it is no wonder that they are vindictive: they want to teach a lesson to those who hurt their inflated ego at all costs.
Inflated self-esteem makes us blame others for our own mistakes, ignore the negative reviews of others, and also makes it difficult to take responsibility for what we have done. And if so, then we run the risk of making the same mistakes again and again, which will inevitably lead to problems at work and in our personal lives.
When compared to others, all of us, whether we have high or low self-esteem, consider ourselves above average. But statistically, two-thirds of us are average in every single area: only one in six performs above average and one in six below average.
And although we never want to be average, psychologists have collected a lot of evidence that it is the average level of self-esteem (not too high and not too low) that is the most optimal.
Why we don't like compliments
People with low self-esteem are often more willing to listen to negative feedback than compliments because it is more in line with their view of themselves. Low self-esteem endows with a striking resistance to positive experiences and information. But it is precisely this kind of feedback that can restore self-esteem and self-confidence.
But although we need this information more than anything else, low self-esteem prevents us from accepting it, but, on the contrary, makes us close our ears and even flee.
Why is this happening? With chronically low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness become part of the personality. We get used to it and feel quite comfortable with it.
Psychologists have long known that information that fits within our existing worldview is perceived as convincing, and information that is significantly at odds with beliefs is usually rejected.
If we consider ourselves unattractive, it is much easier for us to accept the compliment "You look good today" than "Your beauty is breathtaking."
When people with low self-esteem listen to positive statements (or say affirmations) in training that are very different from their existing beliefs, the information contained in them is perceived as false and is rejected entirely. Thus, faith in the truth of the opposite only grows stronger.
Bo and his friends
Friends forgot to invite him to parties, criticized him ruthlessly, and had the audacity to borrow large sums of money and not pay him back.
Bo desperately sought to find a woman who would become his wife, but here, too, friends hindered him more than helped. He tried to talk to girls at parties, but his buddies ruined everything with their jokes about his worthlessness.
When Bo came to the session, he said that he was heavily addicted to all kinds of personal growth training. It got to the point where he even purchased a special device that corrected his "brain waves" in his sleep (but the only thing that was corrected was his bank account).
He listened to a huge number of messages aimed at the subconscious, such as "I deserve only the best, and nothing is impossible for me." But when women recklessly complimented him, considering him sweet, kind and caring, he immediately retreated into himself.
“She doesn't know me at all! he was indignant. “She doesn’t even know what problems I have!” Then Bo unconsciously made every effort to demonstrate what he "really" was, after which the women naturally left.
Why did he let his friends treat him like that? People with low self-esteem are rarely confrontational and have great difficulty deciding to end destructive relationships, which naturally do them more harm than good. The position, which is expressed by the words "not to fat, to be alive" or "take what they give," does not allow you to take any active actions.
We are convinced that setting boundaries, making demands, or stating our expectations - however reasonable and not in the least exaggerated - will lead to immediate rejection. Of course, others quickly notice that we rarely take the initiative, do not like to object and protest, which in their eyes makes us less valuable. Over time, they stop thinking about our feelings and needs altogether.
Bo's problem was that some of his friends might actually leave him if he demanded respect for his personality. Some, but not all. I tried to explain to him that speaking frankly would be the litmus test that would test the quality of his friendships.
Those who care about him will agree with Bo's objections and begin to treat him with more attention and care. Those who are not ready to understand him do not deserve the title of friends.
I highly doubt that all of Bo's friends were selfish and manipulative, although of course they hardly deserved the Nobel Peace Prize. Most of us put in only as much effort as the situation calls for. If a small portion of care and attention is enough and we are allowed to take without giving almost anything in return, then we will do so.
It's not that we're bad. It's just that we're not used to doing more than we need to. If more was required of us, we would do better. This is true for almost all relationships.
How to treat psychological wounds from low self-esteem?
1. Identify your strengths and set yourself up to stand up for your worth
The usefulness of positive affirmations about what we desire is questionable. Our hero Bo became so addicted to this approach that it was difficult for him to leave it.
But he agreed to include active actions in his "mantras". For example: “When I lend money to someone, I say that they need to be returned on time” and “If a friend upsets me, I have the right to express dissatisfaction.”
The most effective attitudes for us will be those that emphasize the very real and most valuable qualities of a person: for example, reliability, loyalty and tact. And not desirable qualities that we do not possess, but stubbornly name in positive attitudes.
Reminding yourself of your own worth, which no real or imagined shortcomings can cross out, immediately increases self-esteem and resistance to failure. Therefore, it is worth taking the time to remember and write down your strengths.
Gladys and her husband
Gladys, a 40-year-old breast cancer survivor, also had a very low opinion of herself. However, unlike Bo, she did not suffer from low self-esteem all her life, but only the last few years. The fault was the hardest emotional blows inflicted on her after the terrible diagnosis was made.
While she was undergoing chemotherapy, her husband left her without any warning. In a display of blatant cruelty, he served her divorce papers through an intermediary who met her at the hospital exit on the day she was discharged from her double mastectomy.
When I met Gladys, she didn't look like a heroine who beat a terminal illness, an athlete who won countless medals and trophies as a student, or a web designer who created a successful business after a divorce. Shyness, self-doubt and shyness - that's what caught my eye in the first place.
She said: “Now I am suffering because I am not being paid as much as I deserve. They demand from me that I do things for free that were not originally discussed. Unfortunately, I usually succumb to the persuasion of persistent people. They put pressure on me and I eventually give in.”
2. Shut down the critical voices in your head
We have all experienced failure, shame, humiliation, rejection and berated ourselves for it.
Choose one such event and describe in detail what happened and how you felt. Like any person with low self-esteem, you will probably exaggerate at the same time.
Now imagine that all this happened not to you, but to a loved one. It pains you to watch him suffer, so you decide to write him a letter to make him feel better. Try to express in him all your kindness, understanding and care, write that you share his feelings, and do not forget to mention that he deserves empathy and support.
Describe the same event again, but now only the facts, as objectively as possible. For example, tell how you made a few mistakes during the presentation, but do not write that colleagues lost respect for you because of this. No matter how they react, we must remember that low self-esteem causes us to interpret the facial expressions and gestures of other people too negatively.
3. Get Started
The vast majority of articles, books, and training that promise to save us from feelings of helplessness and self-doubt miss one thing: self-confidence is not a feeling, but a quality.
And it is possible to form it not by visualization or affirmations, but only by action.
It is necessary to start with the task, the solution of which does not seem to us the most difficult. If we do fail, the consequences need not be dire. We must first collect as much information as possible about how to achieve the goal and develop a plan that we will stick to.
List all the times when low self-esteem prevents you from standing up for yourself, in order. Assess the chances of success and the severity of the consequences in case of failure.
For example, Bo decided to remind his friend Timothy about the borrowed $2,000. Timothy promised to return them within three months, but a year has passed since then. Beau called him his "least friend," so it made sense to risk the relationship and ask for a refund.
And Gladys decided to discuss a couple of "website upgrades" that a client asked her to "load" at no charge. These improvements seemed to her not significant enough for the client to refuse her services if she asked for payment.
So they took the risk. And what?
Patience and perseverance
It must be remembered that gaining self-confidence is a process, not a one-time action. You need to be prepared for the fact that not all efforts will bring quick results and that perseverance is necessary.
Bo's original plan failed because his friend rescheduled the conversation for the evening and then canceled it altogether, citing fatigue. When Gladys called her clients about extra work, they didn't even want to listen to her.
Every failure will teach you how to develop a more effective plan of action. Beau drew up a convenient payment schedule and mailed it to Timothy, enclosing blank envelopes with his return address. He tried to state only the facts and did not accuse his friend of anything. In response, Timothy apologized and sent a check for the first part of the amount. Gladys continued to email clients until they agreed to pay her for additional work.
Having coped with the first item on the list, you should use a burst of energy to solve the next problem.
