What is good parenting
What Is Good Parenting? | HealthyPlace
Good parenting is a broad concept, encompassing multiple aspects of your and your child’s lives together. Good parenting is an accumulation of actions and interactions that you have with your child. It is driven with purpose and end goals in mind. Good parenting aims to develop in children character traits like independence, self-direction, honesty, self-control, kindness, and cooperation. To that end, good parenting creates a foundation for a child’s healthy, positive development.
Good parenting also involves parents living their lives as role models. Kids listen to and watch what their parents do, taking everything in. As they absorb their parents’ actions and words, they begin to emulate them. Good parenting means being aware that your children are watching, learning, and copying you. Now that you’ve seen a description of good parenting, we’ll go a bit deeper into a good parenting definition.
What Does Good Parenting Mean?
Good parenting focuses on the overall health and wellbeing of kids. Good parenting focuses both on the here-and-now of a child’s life and on raising kids who are successful in their lives as they mature and become adults. To that end, good parenting approaches kids with love, warmth and acceptance. Healthy parenting means nurturing the whole child, attending to physical, mental, social, emotional, and intellectual needs.
A definition of good parenting acknowledges that parenting is both an art and a skill. While good parenting doesn’t mean perfect parenting (that’s impossible), it does mean that parents do their best to interact positively and respond to their kids’ needs every day. Every parent’s best varies from day to day or even hour to hour within the same day. What’s important is that a parent has a child’s best interests at heart no matter what ("‘Good Enough Parenting’ Has Its Time and Place").
Having a child’s needs and interests at heart isn’t so difficult when you know the elements that comprise good parenting.
What is Good Parenting? Elements of Good Parenting
The following elements are present in good parenting.
Support.
Parents are supportive of their children, assisting them with school and activities when needed, attending their events, and asking about their lives.
Discipline.
Parents set guidelines and rules that align with their values and purpose. Rules are consistent, clear, and explained. Consequences are gentle and logical.
Routine.
Routine, as well as structure and consistency, provides stability and a sense that the world is logical and predictable. It fosters healthy, positive development.
Trust.
Parents trust their kids. If kids break that trust, parents talk openly, discipline, and explain why they are disciplining. Also, parents act in ways that their kids can trust them and what they say and do.
Involvement.
Good parenting means being actively involved in kids’ lives. Setting aside time to do things together, attending school events and other activities, and staying current with what’s happening in kids’ lives are some aspects of involvement.
Positive focus.
Parents help children have a positive perspective rather than a negative outlook. While processing negative events and situations is important, good parenting involves helping kids find positivity and forward direction.
Guidance. Good parenting involves guiding their children to be successful, but it does not involve controlling, micromanaging, or hovering over kids.
Responsibility. Parents give children age-appropriate tasks and chores. As kids grow, so do their responsibilities in order to foster success and a healthy work ethic.
Love.
Above all else, good parenting is driven by love. This helps kids feel valued and facilitates healthy self-esteem and a belief in themselves and their abilities. When parents openly show love and affection, children learn to be caring and kind to others.
Good Parenting: Parents Matter
As a parent, know that you are important.
You are an asset in your children’s lives, helping them develop character. Good parenting is a skillset that can be nurtured and honed; it isn’t something some parents can do while other parents can’t. Driven by love and purpose, all parents can practice good parenting.
Developing parenting skills involves patience and practice. And it’s well worth it. Good parenting nurtures kids academically, socially, and emotionally. The above elements of good parenting are protective, helping kids be mentally healthy; indeed, good parenting practices can prevent anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and alcohol and drug use and abuse throughout childhood, adolescence, and into adulthood.
It’s important to note that we’ve been talking about good parenting. It’s something parents do. It’s not about judging parents and labeling them as good (or bad) parents. Good parenting has less to do with the parents and more to do with the raising of kids.
See Also:
- Top 5 Parenting Skills You Will Need in the Digital Age
- Good Parenting Qualities and Characteristics You Can Develop
article references
APA Reference
Peterson, T.
(2022, January 11). What Is Good Parenting?, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2022, November 27 from https://www.healthyplace.com/parenting/parenting-skills-strategies/what-is-good-parenting
Top 10 Good Parenting Tips
What makes a good parent | How to be a good parent – Top 10 tips
Parenting is not easy. Good parenting is hard work.
What makes a good parent?
A good parent is someone who strives to make decisions in the best interest of the child.
What makes a great parent isn’t only defined by the parent’s action, but also their intention.
A good parent doesn’t have to be perfect. No one is perfect. No child is perfect either … keeping this in mind is important when we set our expectations.
Successful parenting is not about achieving perfection. But it doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t work towards that goal. Set high standards for ourselves first and then our children second.
We serve as important role models for them.
Top 10 Parenting Tips
Here are 10 good parenting tips on how to be a better parent, learn good parenting skills and avoid bad parenting.
Many of them are not quick or easy.
And probably no one can do all of them all of the time.
But if you can keep working on the tips in this parenting guide, even though you may only do part of these some of the time, you will still be moving in the right direction.
#1 Be A Good Role Model
Walk the walk. Don’t just tell your child what you want them to do.
The best way to teach is to show them.
Human is a special species in part because we can learn by imitation1. We are programmed to copy others’ actions, understand them, and incorporate them into our own. Children, in particular, watch everything their parents do very carefully.
So, be the person you want your child to be — respect your child, show them positive behavior and attitude, have empathy towards your child’s emotion — and your child will follow suit.
#2: Love Them And Show Them Through Action
Show your love.
There is no such thing as loving your child too much. Loving them cannot spoil them2.
Only what you choose to do (or give) in the name of love can — things like a material indulgence, leniency, low expectation, and over-protection. When these things are given in place of real love, that’s when you’ll have a spoiled child.
Loving your child can be as simple as giving them hugs, spending quality time with them, having family meals together, and listening to your child’s problem seriously.
Showing these acts of love can trigger the release of feel-good hormones such as oxytocin. These neurochemicals can bring us a deep sense of calm, emotional warmth, and contentment, from these the child, will develop resilience and not to mention a closer relationship with you3.
For more help on calming tantrums, check out this step-by-step guide
#3: Practice Kind And Firm Positive Parenting
Babies are born with around 100 billion brain cells (neurons) with relatively few connections.
These connections create our thoughts, drive our actions, shape our personalities and basically determine who we are. They are created, strengthened, and “sculpted” through experiences across our lives.
Give your child positive family interaction, especially in the early years. They will then have the ability to experience positive experiences themselves and offer them to others4.
But if you give your child negative experiences, they won’t have the kind of development necessary for them to thrive.
Sing that silly song. Have a tickle marathon. Go to the park. Laugh with your child. Give them positive attention. Ride through an emotional tantrum with them. Solve a problem together with a positive attitude.
Not only do these positive experiences create good neural connections in your child’s brain, but they also form the memories of you that your child carries for life.
When it comes to discipline, it seems hard to remain positive, especially when you’re dealing with behavior problems.
But it is possible by using positive discipline and avoiding harsh discipline.
Being a good parent means you need to teach your child the morals of what is right and what is wrong.
Setting limits and being consistent is the golden rule to good discipline. Be kind and firm when you set rules and enforce them. Focus on the reason behind the child’s misbehavior. And make it an opportunity for them to learn for the future in a positive way, rather than to get punished for the past.
Related: How To Deal With Toddler Tantrums
#4: Be A Safe Haven For Your Child
Let your child know that you’ll always be there for them by being responsive to your child’s signals and sensitive to their needs. Support and accept your child as an individual. Be a warm and safe place for your child to explore from and return to.
Children raised by parents who are consistently responsive tend to have better emotional regulation development, social skills development, and mental health outcomes5.
#5: Talk With Your Child And Help Their Brains Integrate
Most of us already know the importance of communication. Talk to your child and also listen to them carefully. By keeping an open line of communication, you’ll have a better relationship with your child and your child will come to you when there’s a problem.
But there’s another reason for communication. You help your child integrate different parts of their brain, a critical process in a child’s development.
Integration is similar to our body in which different organs need to coordinate and work together to maintain a healthy body. When different parts of the brain are integrated, they can function harmoniously as a whole, which means fewer tantrums, more good behavior, more empathy, and better mental well-being6.
To do that, talk through troubling experiences. Ask your child to describe what happened and they felt to develop attuned communication7.
You don’t have to provide solutions.
You don’t need to have all the answers to be a good parent. Just listening to them talk. Ask clarifying questions using simple words will help them make sense of their experiences and integrate their memories.
#6: Reflect On Your Own Childhood
Many of us want to parent differently from our parents. Even those who had a good upbringing and a happy childhood may want to change some aspects of how they were brought up.
But very often, when we open our mouths, we speak just like our own parents did.
Reflecting on our own childhood is a step towards understanding why we parent the way we do. Make note of things you’d like to change and think of how you’d do it differently in a real scenario. Try to be mindful and change your behavior the next time those issues come up.
Don’t give up if you don’t succeed at first. It takes practice, lots of practice to consciously change one’s child-rearing methods.
#7: Pay Attention To Your Own Well-Being
Parents need relief too.
Pay attention to your own well-being.
Oftentimes, things such as your own needs or the health of your marriage are kept on the back burner when a child is born. If you don’t pay attention to them, they will become bigger problems down the road8. Take time to strengthen your relationship with your spouse.
Stressed-out parents are more prone to fighting. Don’t be afraid to ask for parenting help. Having some “me time” for self-care and stress management is important to rejuvenate the mind.
How parents take care of their child physically and mentally will make a big difference in their parenting and family life. If these two areas fail, your child will suffer, too.
#8: Do Not Spank, No Matter What
No doubt, to some parents, spanking can bring about short-term compliance which sometimes is a much-needed relief for the parents.
However, this method doesn’t teach the child right from wrong. It only teaches the child to fear external consequences.
The child is then motivated to avoid getting caught with inappropriate behavior.
Spanking your child is modeling to your child that he/she can resolve issues by violence9. A child who is spanked, smacked, or hit is more prone to fighting with other children. They are more likely to become bullies and to use verbal/physical aggression to solve disputes.
Later in life, they are also more likely to result in delinquency and oppositional behavior, worse parent-child relationships, mental health issues, and domestic violence victims or abusers10.
There are a variety of better alternatives to discipline that have been proven to be more effective11, such as positive discipline (Tip #3 above) and positive reinforcement.
#9: Keep Things In Perspective And Remember Your Parenting Goal
What is your goal in raising a child?
If you’re like most parents, you want your child to do well in school, be productive, be responsible and independent, be respectful, enjoy positive relationships with you and others, be caring and compassionate, and have a happy, healthy and fulfilling life.
But how much time do you spend working towards those goals?
If you’re like most parents, you probably spend most of the time just trying to get through the day. As authors, Siegel and Bryson, point out in their book, The Whole-Brain Child,
instead of helping your child thrive, you spend most of time just trying to survive!
To not let the survival mode dominate your life, next time you feel angry or frustrated, step back. Think about what anger and frustration will do for you or your child.
Instead, find ways to turn every negative experience into a learning opportunity for them. Even epic tantrums can be turned into invaluable brain-sculpting moments if you focus on teaching your child, not trying to control them.tip
Doing these will not only help you keep a healthy perspective, but you are also working on one of your primary goals in parenting — building a good relationship with your child.
#10: Take A Shortcut By Utilizing Findings In Latest Psychology And Neuroscience Research
By shortcuts, I don’t mean shortchanging your child with tricks.
What I mean is to take advantage of what is already known by scientists.
Parenting is one of the most researched fields in psychology. Many parenting techniques, practices, or traditions have been scientifically researched, verified, refined, or refuted.
For best parenting advice for raising a child and information that are backed by science, here is one of my favorite science-based parenting books, The Science of Parenting.
Using scientific knowledge is of course not a one-size-fits-all strategy. Every child is different. Even within the best parenting style, there can be many different effective parenting practices you can choose according to your child’s temperament.
A good example is using spanking to discipline. There are many better alternatives, e.g. redirection, reasoning, time-in, etc. You can choose a non-punitive discipline method that works best for your child.
Of course, you can also choose to use “traditional” or “old school” parenting styles (e.
g. punishing or spanking) and may still get a “similar” outcome.
Differential susceptibility has shown us that children with different temperaments react to the quality of parenting differently.
Those who are more susceptible to parenting quality will have better outcomes under good parenting but worse outcomes under bad parenting.
Those who are less susceptible may “turn out fine” no matter how tough their parents treat them. But it doesn’t mean those practices are good. These children are simply lucky. They can thrive despite bad parenting, not because of it.
Why take a chance with sub-par parenting practices when you can use well-researched, better ones?
The importance of parenting cannot be underestimated. Taking science-based parental advice may not be the easiest way to parent. It may require more work on your part in the short term but can save you lots of time and agony in the long run.
Also See: What is the worst age to lose a parent
Final Thoughts On Parenting
The good thing is, that although parenting is hard, it is also very rewarding.
The bad part is the rewards usually come much later than the hard work. But if we try our best now, we will eventually reap the rewards and have nothing to regret.
To Happy Parenting!
Also See: Parenting Quotes
References
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1.
Rizzolatti G, Craighero L. The mirror-neuron system. Annu Rev Neurosci. 2004;27:169-192. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15217330.
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Landry S, Smith K, Swank P, Assel M, Vellet S. Does early responsive parenting have a special importance for children’s development or is consistency across early childhood necessary? Dev Psychol. 2001;37(3):387-403. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11370914.
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Viero C, Shibuya I, Kitamura N, et al. REVIEW: Oxytocin: Crossing the Bridge between Basic Science and Pharmacotherapy. CNS Neuroscience & Therapeutics. July 2010:e138-e156.
doi:10.1111/j.1755-5949.2010.00185.x -
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Bradley B, Davis TA, Wingo AP, Mercer KB, Ressler KJ. Family environment and adult resilience: contributions of positive parenting and the oxytocin receptor gene. European Journal of Psychotraumatology. September 2013:21659. doi:10.3402/ejpt.v4i0.21659
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Landry SH, Smith KE, Swank PR, Guttentag C. A responsive parenting intervention: The optimal timing across early childhood for impacting maternal behaviors and child outcomes. Developmental Psychology. 2008:1335-1353. doi:10.1037/a0013030
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Fishbane MD. Wired to connect: Neuroscience, relationships, and therapy. Family process. 2007;46(3):395-412.
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Siegel DJ. Mindful awareness, mindsight, and neural integration. The Humanistic Psychologist. 2009:137-158. doi:10.1080/08873260902892220
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Maternal depression and child development. Paediatr Child Health.
2004;9(8):575-598. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19680490. -
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Gershoff ET. Corporal punishment by parents and associated child behaviors and experiences: A meta-analytic and theoretical review. Psychological Bulletin. 2002:539-579. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.128.4.539
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Gershoff E, Grogan-Kaylor A. Spanking and child outcomes: Old controversies and new meta-analyses. J Fam Psychol. 2016;30(4):453-469. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27055181.
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Effective discipline for children. Paediatr Child Health. 2004;9(1):37-50. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19654979.
About Pamela Li, MS, MBA
Pamela Li is a bestselling author. She is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Parenting For Brain. Her educational background is in Electrical Engineering (MS, Stanford University) and Business Management (MBA, Harvard University). Learn more
View all posts by Pamela Li, MS, MBA | Website
What is good education and how to become well-mannered
An educated person not only uses cutlery correctly and is the first to greet elders, but is also distinguished by respect for others and for himself, which is manifested in all his behavior.
Delicateness towards others
If a person is well brought up, he, as a rule, will not point out to others about their wrong behavior. In other words, he will pretend not to pay attention to such things as a loud sneeze or an untidy appearance of the interlocutor. But if we are talking about a man, and someone swears obscenely in front of his companion, then he is simply obliged to make a remark, otherwise it will be disrespectful to the lady. Needless to say, it is hardly possible to hear rudeness against anyone, even people unpleasant to him, from a person with a good upbringing, and there can be no talk of “decorating” a conversation with obscene phrases.
A good upbringing presupposes an attentive attitude to others, to acquaintances and strangers, to elders and younger ones. This means giving up a seat in the transport to a child or an elderly person, saying “thank you” for any, even a trifling service, offering people in line to let a pregnant woman go ahead.
It is always pleasant to be around a person who is well brought up, because he tries to understand others and take into account their interests. If guests come to him, and it’s cold or raining outside, he will immediately treat them to tea. When he notices that someone is hot, he offers to open the window or turn on the air conditioner.
The art of communication
Education is the ability to keep up a conversation. A tactful person knows how to listen carefully to others, never interrupts and tries to help with advice if it is appropriate. During a conversation with such an interlocutor, you will not see a bored expression on his face, with a nod of his head and an expression in his eyes, he will show that the subject of conversation is interesting to him.
At the same time, such a person, seeing that the interlocutor is not carried away by the conversation, will try to transfer it to another topic. He will not endlessly complain to you about his petty problems such as problems with his mobile phone or conflicts with his superiors.
If you understand that you understand something better than others, you should not show it clearly and prevent others from expressing their thoughts. Believe me, if you really are an expert on a topic, then those around you will feel it during the conversation. Boasting about your wealth and high status is also not the best tone, it’s better to show off your erudition and intelligence, but not at the expense of others.
If a person has a good upbringing, he will not recklessly criticize everyone and everything, especially his acquaintances who are absent during the conversation. In general, such people are demanding, first of all, to themselves, they try, if possible, to correct their shortcomings, broaden their horizons, and learn something new. Therefore, they simply do not have time for constant criticism of others, they treat others condescendingly.
Knowledge of etiquette
Unfortunately, in our society, many people do not know some good manners, and some even neglect them.
For example, pushing people away in public transport is the height of disrespect for others. Well-mannered people, when entering a bus or a building, always let older people go first, and men should let ladies through.
If there are other people next to you, then it is unacceptable to clear your nose (blow your nose) in front of them. To do this, first go to the toilet room. Our body also has such manifestations that it is impossible to suppress. For example, with rumbling in the stomach, the most correct way out is to pretend that nothing is happening. If the rumbling is very violent and prolonged, then it is worth it quietly and, as it were, apologize in passing. In case of a sudden attack of yawning, one should try to suppress it, and if this was not possible, then at least cover your mouth with your hand and try to yawn silently. You can’t use a toothpick, powder, and even more so comb at the table: well-mannered people will not say anything to you at the same time, but next time they may not call you with them.
When talking, shouting and laughing out loud is only acceptable in certain situations. In a small group of friends, where yelling and "going crazy" is considered normal, there is nothing wrong with such behavior, but if you are sitting on public transport, then you should not talk loudly and laugh.
How to behave at a party
A person who is considered well-mannered feels and behaves like at home when visiting. And this means that he behaves culturally both there and there. If you are going to visit, take a small box of sweets with you for tea. But be careful: you should not buy a large box of chocolates when visiting strangers, so as not to put the owners in an awkward position. If at a party you notice that the hosts are already tired of the noisy party, then it is time to politely say goodbye and go home.
Try to be quieter if you know that the owners have gone to put small children to bed, and if the clock is already 11 pm, then you should not play the guitar and sing, so as not to cause inconvenience to other residents of the apartment building.
In a word, communication with a well-mannered person leaves only pleasant impressions, and his acquaintances often see a role model in his behavior.
Good upbringing is the ability to endure the bad upbringing of others? — Discuss
Good upbringing is the ability to endure the bad upbringing of others? — DiscussUD
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Is good parenting the ability to endure the bad parenting of others? ability upbringing
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Gauhar Sadykova
No, according to Chekhov, it sounds something like this - a person’s upbringing does not consist in the fact that he notices coffee accidentally spilled on the tablecloth, but in the fact that he pretends not to notice it. Draw conclusions....
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But develop this is not a skill.
Endure the bad upbringing of others... Keep silent, pretend not to notice
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Gauhar Sadykova
they don’t argue with fools ... A fool doesn’t care about your upbringing, a well-mannered person should not stoop to their level.
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UD
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Educated never sink to their level. He won't even notice them...
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Gauhar Sadykova
just pretend not to notice
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Eugene Antonyuk
yes, so in response and say: stop advertising your mother.
What else can you tell us about your difficult childhood? When you get the Nobel Prize, be sure to let me know.
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Natalia
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Talgat Kongirbaev
is it like to endure how some gon to us wash you? Nah, I'd rather have a bad upbringing than be patient. By the way, that's what it's called.
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Yes, if you endure this scum in silence, then you will not only become a sucker, but also a sucker everywhere and everywhere ...
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Talgat Kongirbaev
means a good upbringing is not for us
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UD
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Not the kind of life now to be brought up by boys)))
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Opanki :-)) Gogi
myassagan
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Sergey Fomin
Education is a kind of image and everyone sees it in their own way.
But this image can change its appearance over time if the artists work on it.
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Marina Abdulazizova
Yes, but not only. A good upbringing is also politeness in communication and behavior, as well as the ability to listen and take into account the opinions of other people.
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Lyubov Gurova
A good upbringing is not that you won't spill sauce on the tablecloth, but that you won't notice if someone else does it..." Chekhov
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Zhenya Andreev
Nah, I need the state of affairs, then it turns out that all the garbage from the parents passes which they accepted from their parents and so on in a circular
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Tatyana Uskova
it turns out that a good upbringing is a punishment for a person (((something doesn’t add up here.
It should make life easier, and not otherwise ****
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Gulmira Kopanova
Yes, that's for sure. But sometimes it’s so eager to give a direct punch not only in a word but in the face. And then you stop yourself, but is it worth the hands of Marat.
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Olga
This is patience.. And good education is to keep oneself from actions and words that offend and injure others..
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Petya Piterskiy
That is, when a boor swears or beats a woman, a well-mannered person will endure it well, as if he did not notice
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Marina
Including this.
.. In general, good upbringing is the ability to pull others up to your level...
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Tatyana Kopyak
A good question, probably yes, the ability to behave with dignity in any situation, even if you have a complete boor in front of you
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You are right. Happy New Year!!!
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Tatyana Kopyak
Thank you! Mutually!
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Elena Wedding
And this too...but, probably, it is better-tactfully to rebuke the badly educated than to simply endure their antics!
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Well, yes, otherwise they will sit on the neck .
..
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Elena Wedding
Yes! THIS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED!!!
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Nina Klimovich
Good upbringing is training in the interests of society) Out to tolerance "were well brought up."
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Natalia Salomatina
TO BE WISE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT EDUCATION NOT TO RESPONSE TO RUDE WITH RUDE IT IS VERY DIFFICULT BUT TRUE
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KU
Scholar-Reader Cat
I don’t know if it’s worth enduring and enduring anything at all .
