Can you fall back in love
Can You Fall Back In Love With Someone? Here's What Experts Say
Experts say it's possible, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea.
by Korey Lane
Ending a relationship usually isn't easy. You might have doubts about whether or not it's the right thing to do if you're the one ending things, and if you're the one being broken up with, you might feel blindsided. There are a lot of emotions that go along with a breakup, and they're all totally valid. But once your partner becomes an ex, do those feelings you used to have for them just suddenly disappear? And if years pass, can you fall back in love with someone after you’ve spent time with other people?
According to experts, it's totally possible to fall back in love with someone you used to date, and the reason why makes sense. "Once you love someone, unless your respect for them is destroyed, you can always love them again," Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells Elite Daily. "This is the person that knows your hopes, dreams, and secrets. You had a bond that is easy to reestablish. Why do you think some people are always threatened by their partner's ex? You have got a hold on them and vice-versa."
It's hard to move on from an ex when they were such a big part of your life, and some experts think that — rather than falling back in love with an ex — some people never stop loving their ex at all.Courtney Hale/E+/Getty Images
It’s possible you ex once had — or still has — a piece of your heart from when you were together. This isn't to say that you aren't complete without each other, but if it was a loving relationship, there may always be a part of them with you and vice-versa. "You don't fall back in love with an ex," Heather Kristian Strang, spiritual guide and matchmaker, tells Elite Daily. "The love was always there, the question now is — is there more work to do together? Is there more joy to have together? Is there more that you two are to create together? Or, is it complete? Have you both grown together as fully as you can?"
With so many questions to ask yourself, it’s obviously a confusing process. That’s why for some, getting back together with an ex may not be worth all the stress and hassle it requires. Some people might just enjoy having a blank slate and a fresh start with someone new. Besides, if your relationship was tumultuous and you ended on not-so-great terms, allowing yourself to fall for an ex might not be the best idea.
“It’s OK to fall back in love with your ex if things change," Trombetti says, though she notes it's also important to remember that "you broke things off for a reason. Don't let your emotions take over and wind up back where you were pre-breakup the first time. If someone is willing to fix the things that were wrong, if they are fixable, then it's safe to give it another try. If it's a fatal flaw though, like compulsive lying, cheating, or abuse, then that's always a no-go. Don't ever go back or look back."Long Vo / EyeEm/EyeEm/Getty Images
Another good question to ask yourself is, “Do I really miss my ex? Or am I just lonely?” As clinical psychologist Dr. Joshua Klapow previously told Elite Daily, “If your distress is focused on not doing the things you did together, not having the certainty of a mate, not having someone to talk to, but at the same time you can envision yourself with all those things [on your own or with a different partner] and not your ex, you know that you are missing the relationship more than the person themselves.” If you’re just feeling lonely, try to consider why, and think of some things you can do to occupy your time and energy, like making a dinner date with a friend, or exploring a new store or coffee shop in your neighborhood.
While this might be easier said than done, Trombetti also has some great tips for how to avoid falling back into the arms of an ex. "Create space and break off communication so you can move on," she says. "As a matchmaker, this is the number one thing that holds people back from finding the right one," Trombetti explains. "I always say, 'Everyone is hung up on someone, whether it's real or in their head.' Don't be hung up on your ex comparing everyone to him because you have feelings of love being stoked on a regular basis by your ex." It’s not your fault if you’re still in love with an ex, but there are ways to help curb your impulses.
If you know your ex isn't the one for you, the best course of action is probably to avoid getting back together and try your very best to move on. But if your relationship was a healthy, happy, and stable one, and you ended it for reasons that now seem like part of the past, then there's no harm in trying again.
Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking
Heather Kristian Strang, spiritual guide and matchmaker
Dr. Joshua Klapow, clinical psychologist
Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.
This article was originally published on
Can You Really Fall Back In Love? Is It Even Possible?
If you’ve been together a long time, then you and your partner have undoubtedly been through a number of ups and downs. Nothing is more difficult, however, than looking at your partner and feeling that you are no longer in love. It can leave you feeling like the relationship is over and that it’s time to move on. And, if you have a family and many years invested in each other, that can be devastating. But can you really fall back in love with your partner and make things good again?
Falling back in love with your partner is possible but doing so is different than when you fell in love the first time. If you don’t feel drawn to you partner and it feels like the “magic” is gone, there’s no potion or love-spell that will bring it back. Whether you can fall back in love with your ex or current partner will depend on why things cooled off on the first place and the willingness of you both to bring the love back.
Do We Have To Be “In-Love” To Be Happy?
It’s important to understand that feeling “in-love” with someone isn’t always the same as loving someone. There are many couples who feel like they love each other, but they’re not in-love with each other.Although some would say this is okay and just accept it, there are actually many dangers in doing this.
Falling in love with someone is an emotional high. You want to be with that person as much as possible, you feel attracted to them, they’re on your mind all the time, and you likely want to do things that make them happy. You may even ignore other areas of your life just to have more time together. This phase doesn’t last forever though and generally speaking, that’s okay. It allows your love to move into a more stable phase that serves as a basis for a strong, healthy relationship and life together. This can still be part of being in-love though.
The danger comes when the person you love becomes more of a platonic partner that you feel affection for rather than the romantic partner that you’re in love with. Losing that loving feeling (sorry Righteous Brothers) means that there is effectively a chink in your armor, and you are now more vulnerable to outside influences that can threaten your relationship. People who don’t consider themselves in love with their partner are more prone to affairs, repetitive arguments with their partner, and disinterest in their relationships. Clearly these things pose a threat to the relationship as a whole and everything it encompasses like family, children, home, and finances.
So, do you have to be “in-love” to be happy, no, not technically. But will your relationship be happier, stronger, and healthier if you are? Absolutely. That means that figuring out how to fall back in love is an important part of preserving your relationship and happiness.
You Must Determine Why You Fell Out Before You Can Fall Back In Love
Before you can fall back in love with someone you need to first figure out why you fell out of love. This can happen for a wide variety of reasons, some valid and some just smoke from the fires that life can hand you. Regardless, perception is reality as they say, so if you don’t feel like you love your partner then there’s an issue that needs to be resolved before you can fall back in love.
To begin the process, ask yourself why you fell out of love and consider whether any of these sound familiar.
- Not the same person he/she used to be. This is a common one, and in response to it you need to ask yourself, are you the same person you used to be? I can tell you now the answer is, no. People grow and change. In order to maintain a strong relationship two people need to do this together and with respect for one another. Falling in love with someone is the easy part. Staying in love and allowing that love to adapt as a person changes is the hard part. Most changes people go through are in response to life and maturing and therefore can be understood. Even if it takes effort, those changes still allow for love. If, however, your normally strait-laced husband decides to get a full back tattoo and multiple piercings, or your hard-working wife suddenly quits her job and joins a cult, there may be other problems like a midlife crisis or depression going on. These problems don’t mean that you will stop loving them, but they certainly can mean that finding a way to fall back in love will be more challenging.
- I’m not attracted to him/her anymore. Also a common complaint among couples. Sexual intimacy is an important component for a healthy and happy relationship. When you don’t feel attracted to your partner this can pose a big problem. Weight gain is often the issue cited in this case, and this is true for both men and women. Second to this is attitude and self-confidence. Although the lack of lust and desire can be hard to overcome, falling back in love isn’t entirely dependent upon the physical attraction. And with the effort to bring the love back it’s also possible to help and encourage your partner to get back to the best, healthiest, and most attractive version of themselves.
- He/she isn’t interested in me. What many don’t recognize is that love is responsive to love. Many have fallen out of love with their partner because they feel their partner no longer loves them. This becomes a vicious cycle.
- I don’t know why. It’s not unusual for someone who feels that they need to fall back in love with their partner to be unable to pinpoint where things went wrong. “My wife is attractive and smart, I just don’t feel it for her anymore,” “My husband loves me and would do anything for me, but I don’t feel the same way I used to.” People who find themselves unable to articulate why they feel the way they do more than likely have their own issues they need to tackle that are affecting the love they have, or should have, for their partner.
If you can identify the problem, then there is a much greater chance you can fix it. So, now that you’ve narrowed it down, can you really fall back in love? The short answer is, yes.
What Can Help You Fall Back In Love
Despite the song by the Searchers there is no actual Love Potion #9. In order to fall back in love with someone it will require effort. This is something that is often overlooked by couples. Many assume that if they fell in love once those feelings should never change or dull. So, when they find themselves not feeling the way they did at the beginning many jump to the conclusion they’re not in love and things are over. This doesn’t have to be true.
Dr. Kurt answers this question quite often in his practice. Many couples struggle with this and seek couples counseling as they look for the answer. Sometimes it’s even those looking to figure out if they can fall back in love with their ex. When asked about it he had this to say,
Everyone who's asking the question if you can fall back in love is looking for hope. Although most people are highly skeptical that it could really be possible in their situation. They usually believe if the answer is, yes, then that's for everyone else, but not me. The truth is that feelings change. Just like we develop loving feelings, and then lose them, we can develop them again too. Is it easy? No. Possible? Yes. You can fall back in love but it almost always requires learning new ways to love and communicate with each other. Usually there are also a few underlying problems that must be addressed as well in order for the love to be able to come back."
If you want to fall back in love you will first need to become determined to try. This means taking time to do the things you once did when being in love was easy. Making a point to behave in loving ways can help to rekindle the feelings you once had.
There are also many other efforts that can help you fall back in love.
- Make time to talk. People can drift apart as life gets busy. When you lose the connection you have to your mate it’s much easier to forget how being in love feels. You fell in love with your partner and the person they are, so one way bring those feelings back is to make a point to talk to each other and pay attention to one another. This is especially true if you feel your partner has changed. It could be that their views and thoughts are even more engaging than before and getting to know each other all over again can bring about a new closeness and allow you to fall back in love.
- When you met you flirted with each other. You just did - it’s part of the dance that brings people into a romantic relationship. You probably had fun doing it too. Bring that back. Flirting is fun and breaks down walls. It also indicates desire, and everyone wants to be wanted.
- Reenact things that were special. When you first fell in love there were likely places, things, or events that meant something to you and your partner. One way to remind yourself what it felt like when you were in love with your partner is to reenact those things again. Putting yourself back there again can help jump start those in love feelings.
- Find the romance. There comes a point in a relationship when romance takes a back seat. Blame it on kids, jobs, the house, whatever - romance just fades. If you are to fall back in love with someone it will mean finding that romance again. Know ahead of time, however, that it won’t be as easy or as comfortable as it once was, and that’s okay. It’s an important component of feeling in love, however.
- Be intimate. This can be hard for some couples, especially if the intimacy has become minimal or nonexistent. It obviously also requires the buy-in and interest of both partners. Sexual intimacy, however, helps to reengage emotions. Being that close and vulnerable to your partner can help break down the walls and open your heart and mind to the feeling allowing you to fall back in love. Start slow if needed, even just kissing can result in big changes.
- Try something new together. Boredom is often mistaken for lack of love. To help you and your partner fall back in love it’s important to do things that stave off boredom, inspire interest, and keep your minds engaged. One way to do this is to try new things together. This can be a new hobby, seeing something new, or going on a new adventure together. Sharing these new exciting things can help you feel closer and more bonded to each other.
Whichever effort you chose to make understand that it’s not an overnight solution. Your attempts to fall back in love with your partner may require more than a few approaches before they really take hold. And they may require a bit of finesse, especially if your partner has felt equally as disengaged. But falling back in love can be done.
Remember, falling in love is fun. It’s exciting and makes us feel hopeful and inspired. You can fall back in love with your partner and experience these same feelings again. In fact, it can be even more fulfilling and rewarding than the first time.
Looking for More? Check Out These Articles
- When We Fight One Of Us Always Threatens Divorce
- I Just Want Him To Feel IN-LOVE With Me, But He Say's He's Not
- Could I Have PTSD If I Was Abused In My Relationship?
- Get More Help When the Love is Gone
Read Commentsfrom Others with Similar Experiences - Click 'View full post' below or scroll down
36 questions to fall in love | Teenergizer
Winter, snowfall, everyone walks in pairs... I just want to fall in love, especially when outside the window February 14, . Vital? Then we have something for you. In 1997, while researching close relationships, Arthur Aron came up with an exercise that makes two strangers fall in love . The task is quite simple: a pair of strangers asks each other 36 questions, and then silently looks into each other's eyes for 4 minutes. It looks like magic, right? We will not languish and show what kind of magic questions Arthur Aron came up with. nine0005
- If you could invite someone to dinner (a loved one, a deceased relative, a celebrity), who would you choose?
- Would you like to be famous? In what?
- Before you make a call, do you rehearse your line? Why?
- What would be your “perfect day”?
- When was the last time you sang alone? And for someone else?
- If you could live to be 90 years old and have either the mind or body of a 30 year old for the last 60 years, which would you choose? nine0017
- Do you have a secret premonition of how you will die?
- Name three traits that you think both you and your partner have.
- What are you most grateful for?
- If you could, what would you change about the way you were brought up?
- In 4 minutes, tell your partner the story of your life in as much detail as possible.
- If you could wake up tomorrow with some skill or ability, what would it be? nine0017
- If a magic crystal could reveal the truth to you, what would you like to know?
- Is there anything you've been dreaming of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it yet?
- The biggest achievement in your life?
- What is most valuable to you in friendship?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- What about your worst memory?
- If you knew you were going to die in a year, what would you change about the way you live? Why? nine0016 What does friendship mean to you?
- What role do love and tenderness play in your life?
- Name your partner's positive traits in turn (exchange five characteristics).
- Are relations warm and close in your family?
- How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
- Make three statements each that are true for both of you. For example, "We both feel right now. .."
- Continue the sentence: “I wish there was someone to share with…”
- If you were going to be close friends with your partner, what would you tell them right now?
- Tell your partner what you like about him; speak directly, say things that you could not say to a casual acquaintance.
- Share an embarrassing situation or an embarrassing moment in your life with your partner.
- When was the last time you cried in front of someone? And in loneliness?
- Tell your partner what you already appreciate in him (her). nine0017
- In your opinion, which topic is too serious to joke about?
- If you were to die today before the end of the day without talking to anyone, what would you most regret about not saying? Why haven't you said it yet?
- Your house with all the property caught fire. After saving loved ones and pets, you have time to run into the house and save something else. What would you take? Why?
- The death of which member of your family would upset you the most? Why? nine0017
- Share a personal problem and ask your partner how they would deal with it. Then ask him what he thinks about your feelings about the issue.
As you have already noticed, the questions are quite personal, not all of them you can answer right away. Try to pay attention to at first inconspicuous, unfamiliar sides of the partner, to see sincere and sometimes unexpected emotions and reactions. By answering your partner's questions, you can discover something new for yourself too .
The questions proposed for the experiment are rather frank, but this is their secret. Frankness creates a feeling of closeness even between two complete strangers.
We would like to note that the questionnaire is effective not only for couples who want to fall in love. The exercise builds a connection, trust and helps to open up to each other. There are no less stories of friendship born after 36 questions than love stories!
By the way, one of our consultants is currently conducting such an experiment at her Instagram and helps everyone to find a partner. Interested and want to participate? Would you like to know more about the results? Or maybe you have already conducted an experiment and want to share yours? Teenergizer consultants are ready to help. Write, we will be interested.
Author: Anna Grechkina
8 ways to fall in love with him againPeople meet, fall in love, get married... And sometimes they get divorced. There are many reasons: life got stuck, characters did not agree, romance disappeared from relationships. nine0002 Situations are different, but divorce is the easiest thing to do: No family, no problems. And relationships have to be fought for! For example, take and fall in love with your husband again! Here are eight ways to get the most out of it.
Look at him with different eyes
Once you singled him out from the crowd of admirers and suitors. And now I suddenly began to notice that he was behaving somehow wrong, laughing too loudly, and in general he was wearing socks of the wrong color.
Know that the thing is that you just got enough of him, and for the rest of the girls, he is still the same one you met two years ago. Just imagine for a moment that he is not yours. That you can’t come up and hug him now... Do you feel your chest ache from jealousy and pain?
Stop focusing on shortcomings
In the first years of a relationship, we see everything in pink. Over time, the colors thicken. And we suddenly abruptly begin to change our minds about the habits and hobbies of a loved one. Recently, you watched football together, and now that you have begun to live together, all these battles on the field annoy you. After all, there are so many chores around the house, and he is lying on the couch! nine0005
Actually, he hasn't changed. You have changed, you have other worries: cleaning, washing, taking care of children. Tell him that a walk with a child is more important than a friendly match between Panama and Honduras. Or just turn off the bitch and sit down, watch the game with him. Like the good old days.
Change of scenery
You don't have to travel alone. You can go on a trip with children. But so that none of the friends-relatives-good acquaintances were around. It works because in an unfamiliar area, among unfamiliar, foreign citizens, you begin to feel even more strongly that you are one. Real family. Add to this new impressions and discoveries, the memories of which will remain with you forever. nine0005
Arrange romantic dates
Over time, romance disappears from relationships. Flowers become an attribute of March 8 or Birthday. Going to the cinema is replaced by watching TV. And why go to a cafe at all? Spend money! Also take out a shirt and iron it... And you need to get it and stroke it. Because going to a cafe is not just a desire to eat delicious food. This is the way out. Paired! And you need to buy candles for home, but not in case of a power failure. And in the form of hearts, with a vanilla smell. And light them for no reason. .. So that by the end of the evening your eyes burn brighter than their flame. nine0005
Let him open up
At home, does your husband only eat, sleep and play computer games? And have you already begun to perceive it as just an invariable attribute of the interior? Urgently look for joint interests! Sign up for a dance school, go to exhibitions and theatre, go-kart or swim in the pool. Share his passion and he will be happy to share yours!
Say only good things about him
You began to notice that he pays less attention to you. You got offended and complained to your friends. They understood, appreciated, and happily supported the story about how bad he is. And now, at every opportunity, they remind you of this. And now you yourself begin to believe in what you once said in your hearts. nine0005
Whatever happens between you, don't take dirty linen out of the hut. Tell only good things. This will save you from unnecessary negative emotions.
We often think that we have fallen out of love when we stop understanding each other.