Best way to communicate
10 Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills
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Topics: Professional Development
Years ago, The Conference Board of Canada, an independent, not-for-profit applied research organization, developed the Employability Skills 2000+, which lists the critical skills that employees need to succeed in the workplace. Communication skills, tops the list of fundamental skills needed to succeed in the workplace. A decade-and-a-half later, with the rise of social media networking and texting, communication is becoming more casual, even in situations where more formal ways of communicating are required. What this means is that people from the younger generation, may not know or even understand the importance of effective communication skills in the workplace. When you take a look at the greatest leaders, one of the traits they possess, is the ability to communicate effectively, which underscores the importance of communication skills.
There are specific things to do that can improve your communication skills:
1. Listen, listen, and listen. People want to know that they are being heard. Really listen to what the other person is saying, instead of formulating your response. Ask for clarification to avoid misunderstandings. At that moment, the person speaking to you should be the most important person in your life. Another important point is to have one conversation at a time. This means that if you are speaking to someone on the phone, do not respond to an email, or send a text at the same time. The other person will know that she doesn’t have your undivided attention.
2. Who you are talking to matters. It is okay to use acronyms and informal language when you are communicating with a buddy, but if you are emailing or texting your boss, “Hey,” “TTYL” or any informal language, has no place in your message. You cannot assume that the other person knows what the acronym means. Some acronyms have different meanings to different people, do you want to be misunderstood? Effective communicators target their message based on who they are speaking to, so try to keep the other person in mind, when you are trying to get your message across.
3. Body language matters. This is important for face-to-face meetings and video conferencing. Make sure that you appear accessible, so have open body language. This means that you should not cross your arms. And keep eye contact so that the other person knows that you are paying attention.
4. Check your message before you hit send. Spell and grammar checkers are lifesavers, but they are not foolproof. Double check what you have written, to make sure that your words are communicating the intended message.
5. Be brief, yet specific. For written and verbal communication, practice being brief yet specific enough, that you provide enough information for the other person to understand what you are trying to say. And if you are responding to an email, make sure that you read the entire email before crafting your response. With enough practice, you will learn not to ramble, or give way too much information.
6.
Write things down. Take notes while you are talking to another person or when you are in a meeting, and do not rely on your memory. Send a follow-up email to make sure that you understand what was being said during the conversation.
7. Sometimes it’s better to pick up the phone. If you find that you have a lot to say, instead of sending an email, call the person instead. Email is great, but sometimes it is easier to communicate what you have to say verbally.
8. Think before you speak. Always pause before you speak, not saying the first thing that comes to mind. Take a moment and pay close attention to what you say and how you say it. This one habit will allow you to avoid embarrassments.
9. Treat everyone equally. Do not talk down to anyone, treating everyone with respect. Treat others as your equal.
10. Maintain a positive attitude and smile. Even when you are speaking on the phone, smile because your positive attitude will shine through and the other person will know it.
When you smile often and exude a positive attitude, people will respond positively to you.
Communicating effectively is a teachable skill, therefore following a few of the tips outlined above, will enable you to hone up on your communication skills.
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21 Ways to Communicate Effectively — Relavate
Have you ever considered how effective your communication is? We can always improve our ability to communicate, so here are 21 ways to communicate effectively.
Here are some tips to improve communication to help reduce misunderstandings or conflicts and to increase positive and helpful interactions:
1. Take time to think before speaking.Saying the wrong thing, even at the right time, can seriously injure a person. Think, for example, of a doctor misspeaking an order for medication that turns out to be wrong and hurts her patient. Saying the wrong thing in a court of law could send an innocent person to jail for a long, long time.
Since words have such power, it is very important how we communicate. Therefore, take time to listen, be careful how you answer and take time before speaking.
2. Be slow to speak and quick to listen.
Take time to focus on what the other person is doing and saying. Most of us hear but do not really listen. We tend to focus our minds on what we are going to say or how we will answer rather than focusing upon and understanding what the speaker is trying to communicate. Check out How to Improve Your Listening Skills.
3. Speak to help the listener.Communicate with the intention of helping the listener. There are many reasons why people talk. Sometimes it's merely to test the relationship, as often happens with small talk. There are those who think out loud, so as a listener you just happen to be present as they are trying to process their thoughts. Other times it's to present information, for whatever the reason. Still other occasions the speaker is communicating a need for an answer or assistance.
If it's small talk then you can help the listener by presenting something to the conversation that brings value to it and the other person. If you are not sure what the point of the talk is, then simply and politely ask for clarification. Such a thing can be very helpful with someone who presents something that might be a need. A good habit to get into in scenarios like that is to ask, "Are you telling me this to bounce ideas off of me or because you are asking me for my help?" For more insight, take a look at this article in Forbes: 5 Questions You Can Ask Instead of 'How Are You?' Better yet, consider how eliminating small talkis better for you and can increase your happiness.
Regardless of the situation, try to keep in mind how listening to the speaker can bring value to the other person and to the engagement.
4. Speak with straightforwardness.We often tend to play games with people by not being open and honest. This is a practice for those who have learned to be passive aggressive.
However, the people we admire the most are those who are honest and truthful. Men or women considered to be leaders, or have charisma, or are given high respect are those who can speak with candor.
Speaking candidly does not mean speaking harshly, rudely or in a way that can harm. Learning to speak the truth with tact or finesse will give you freedom in your ability to work with people and reward you with positive regard from others.
5. Be aware that non-verbal communication is always at work.Non-verbal communication may speak louder than words, but they are not as distinct as words. Non-verbal communication includes:
6. Recognize the three "V's" in spoken communication:Verbal - is obviously the spoken word. However, as William Vermeulen pointed out in his seminars, "Most people concentrate only on the verbal element assuming this to be the message when it is only part of the whole message.
"Vocal - which includes the intonation, projection, and resonance.
Visual: what people see when you communicate, such as motion and expression of your body and face. Visual images convey conscious and unconscious messages. Body language can have the effect of positively enhancing your speech or significantly diminishing it.
As the saying goes, "Say what you mean and mean what you say." It is very important to understand that words have power. A good habit to get into is thinking through what you intend to say to be sure that is indeed what you mean to say. The level of verbal precision is based on the level of importance at the moment. Obviously, a major in the military will need to speak with precision when ordering an assault on the enemy; whereas there is hardly a need for verbal precision when playing tag with your daughter.
At the same time, saying the right thing at the wrong time can damage the situation or the relationship.
8. When needed, be firm but tactful.
Learn to use words that are firm but diplomatic even when correcting opponents. You can be truthful without being tacky.
9. Make good use of questions.The person who asks the questions is often the person in control of the conversation. However, control isn’t necessarily the objective. Rather, using good questions will get to the heart of the issue and help engage people in the process of dialog and communication. Ask until there is clarification by using the “who-what-when-where-how" and sometimes "why” questions.
10. Look for teachable moments, clarification, or self-discovery.Do this by stopping the other person at critical points and asking what he or she is thinking.
11. Look for the moment of silent registry.This is the moment at which a person seems to freeze and ponder what is being said.
That is often the place at which the person(s) is engaged, something you have said has hit a chord and resonated with her or him.
However, don't use silence to frustrate the other person. If the conversation is becoming more difficult than you are able to bear at that time, then explain why you are hesitant to talk and then close the discussion.
12. Find out in advance what an arranged conference is about.If you are asked to meet with someone and you suspect it is not merely for a fun or social occasion, then ask if the other person to do you the courtesy of telling you in advance the purpose of the meeting.
13. Record important matters.In some contexts, this is crucial such as when personally meeting an opponent or antagonist, or during a very important committee or team meeting. Winston Churchill was a stickler for this practice. One of his maxims was, “I am a strong believer in transacting official business by the written word.
..Let it be clearly understood that all directions emanating from me are made in writing, or should be immediately confirmed in writing and that I do not accept responsibility for matters relating to national defense, on which I am alleged to have given decisions unless they are recorded in writing.” (Stephen Hayward, Churchill on Leadership; p. 110)
People who interrupt do so for a variety of reasons, few of which bring value to or enhance the conversation. Some interrupt because they are not listening. They need to listen or your time and energy are wasted. Some interrupt because they have little respect for you or others in the conversation. When they are like that, it's a matter of contempt for you. There can hardly be a mutually beneficial interchange when there is little to no respect. They need to be respectful.
Some interrupt because they are too arrogant to believe you have anything of interest or importance to share. They need a measure of humility to be able to interact with others in any useful and meaningful way.
Should the other person continue to interrupt, then end the conversation and walk away.
16. Do not let unresolved matters go unanswered.Rarely do unresolved matters simply go away. Often times these issues come back to haunt your relationship later on. If you are unable to resolve any challenges during your conversation then make an appointment to discuss it later. It is usually best to make that very matter the singular priority of your follow-up talk.
17. Use paraphrasing.If a matter is important enough then paraphrase back what was said or have your listener(s) paraphrase back to you what you have said. This can be a valuable tool to determine if there is an acceptable understanding between the parties.
It can be helpful to make sure you are understanding what is said by rephrasing what the other person said and asking him or her if that is what indeed was said or meant.
In meetings, take time at the end to summarize what was covered and who is assigned various tasks.
19. Get help when communicating with another person is difficult.If you consistently have difficulty communicating with another person then enlist the help of one or two others to help improve communication. Often times this can resolve the challenge between regularly conflicted people. Be aware that it does not always mean there will be a resolution.
20. Give the big picture, but do not overuse generalizations.Follow abstract concepts with concrete examples. As communication specialists advise: paint a verbal picture and connect the dots.
21. Get rid of distractions.Be intentional about putting away things that can rob your conversation of the level of value it deserves.
Turning off your cell phone, closing your tablet or computer, taking the earpiece(s) off your head are ways to do this. Not only can you not give mindful attention to the discourse with other things vying for your mind's attention, these distractions actually demonstrate to others that they are not important enough to have a meaningful conversation.
On the positive side, there are benefits when you put away anything that can intrude upon your discourse with others. Benefits include, but not limited to:
Being able to converse in a more meaningful way.
Showing mutual respect, which has a strong probability of elevating your relationship.
Increasing the chances of actually getting something accomplished.
You are able to better focus on each other and upon the topic or agenda.
You can remember the conversation and most likely the salient points at a later time.
These are only a few tips to improve communication that could reduce misunderstandings or conflicts and increase positive and helpful interactions.
What would you add to this? Which one of these do you practice well? Which of these do you need improvement.
Dr. Don
Effective Communication: 5 Unexpected Strategies
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Human Among Humans
1. Help the Interlocutor
Remember that the interlocutor usually experiences the same difficulties in conversation as you do. Most likely, he will be grateful if you make it easier for him: if he beats around the bush on a topic that he does not dare to touch, offer to talk about what he cares about. Help the conversation move forward - ask what he thinks and feels, what decisions came to his mind.
Divide the conversation into stages, pronouncing the main idea of each semantic segment when you want to change the topic a little: “I understand. So, it means that you are unhappy that no one appreciates your merits. Tell me, what can we do to improve the situation? Watch the other person’s reaction to these “interim results”: if he nods in agreement, then the conversation is moving in the right direction.
If he protests and says that he has been misunderstood, do not force your wording - let him formulate it himself.
2. Ask
The best way to get the information you need is to ask directly. We love to think for others, as if we know what is in the other's head. This is a dangerous illusion: double-check your understanding of the situation by asking directly. The course of the conversation depends on well-chosen questions. You should not evaluate the results of the conversation only on the data received.
Above all, value your opinion without denying the usefulness and objectivity of the other person's opinion.
"There's value in every conversation," says Alan Barker, managing director of a consulting firm dedicated to developing creativity and communication skills. - For example, even without receiving unambiguous answers, we understand how honest the interlocutor is with us or how competent. Use the so-called "open questions" that do not require a "yes or no" answer: they help the interlocutor share his thoughts, exposing the logic of his reasoning.
"What would you do in my place?" or “Where do you think the error is?”
3. Show respect
The self-confidence and self-respect that a person demonstrates in a dialogue helps him to impress, to feel like the owner of the conversation. It is important to observe the measure - if you are trying to suppress the interlocutor, a productive conversation will not work. That's why it's so important to respect yourself without putting others down. What does this mean?
“Above all, value your own opinion, without denying the usefulness and objectivity of the interlocutor's opinion,” says Gregory Baker, writer. - Talk about your needs and desires, not imposing them on others, but “selling” - explaining why your position will be beneficial for everyone. Let the interlocutor express his opinion - and if you do not agree with him, justify why, and do not get off with a decisive and peremptory "no". Remember that a self-respecting person does not raise his tone by entering into a skirmish.
August 19 PSYCHOLOGIES launches an online marathon. In 10 days, you will start to sound clearer and clearer, cope with the fear and anxiety of public speaking and difficult conversations in everyday life. But the main thing is that you will see how your relationships with others will change: friends, relatives, acquaintances and strangers. You will gain self-confidence and a boost of motivation. Please join via the link!
4. Turn negative emotions into positive ones
There is enough negativity in life: trying to discuss "sores" and problems in a conversation with others, you run the risk of scaring off all the interlocutors. Find something positive in any subject of conversation: if you tell a subordinate about low sales, build a conversation on how to increase them. If you're asking for a raise, don't talk about your plight, but about what you're doing for the company (with specific examples).
George Orwell also noted how easily politicians manipulate the audience by replacing negative facts with euphemisms: for example, calling the bombings "peacekeeping", raising taxes "optimization of financial policy", and violation of the law "bringing constitutional order".
Of course, one should not compete with demagogues in cynicism, but it is worth choosing the right words.
5. Stop talking
Taking a pause is one of the best communication strategies. It is indispensable when a conversation is carried out by several interlocutors - for example, during a brainstorming session or discussing a complex work problem. Let others talk and listen for yourself, intervening only when it seems to you that the conversation has veered off topic. It is easier to moderate a conversation if you manage to distance yourself somewhat from it, not to allow yourself to be emotionally involved in the general mood.
“And when the conversation gets heated up, this strategy is truly invaluable—seeing that you are not trying to defend yourself, the interlocutor will be able to contain the rising degree of his emotional state,” explains John Maxwell, evangelist pastor. When the tone and content of the speech is constructive again, you can return to the discussion.
Temporarily "disconnecting" from the conversation will allow you to maintain a calm and clear mind, so important for a productive dialogue.
Text: Ilya Nosyrev Photo Source: Getty Images
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How to learn to negotiate with teachers and parents
1. Active listening
what exactly they want, and help them to the best of their ability, then they will allow themselves to be persuaded into almost anything.
Rules for Active Listening:
- Do not expect the other person to speak. Encourage him to talk: discuss the news, tell a recent story from life, or ask an unexpected question.
- Try to accurately perceive what the interlocutor says. If something is not clear, ask again. You can literally repeat the statement, starting with the introductory phrase “as I understand you ...”, “in your opinion ...”, “do you think that ...”.
- Bring distracted interlocutors back to the topic. Do not wait for him to return to the issue that is important to you.
2. Open questions Train yourself to ask open-ended questions when talking to others. Start with: What? as? why? At the same time, open-ended questions should be formulated in such a way that the interlocutor sincerely wants to answer them. Such a question should not contain evaluation, judgment or criticism.
If you don't agree with the teacher's assessment, don't say "Why?". This is a hidden accusation: "Your choice is not clear to me, and therefore it is wrong." Ask: “What criteria did you evaluate by?”. This wording will soften the question and difficult conversation.
If you don't get what you want from your parents, don't start the conversation with "how could you refuse?". This means: “You are not prudent and loyal parents enough.” Ask better than such a decision was dictated.
3. Generalization
Emphasize what you have in common with the interlocutor: goals, interests, opinions. It is also important to observe three conditions:
- Common features should be pleasing to another person, should not put pressure on the patient. Well, if these are positive qualities.
- Respectful and neutral language. It is unlikely that your classmate will be pleased to hear about his tired look.
- Avoid comparing a person with himself and with expectations about him. "You did a good project" instead of "didn't expect from you."
4. Honesty
Honesty in communication is a technique that never fails. If you are worried or nervous, say so.
Doing something for the first time - also say. Let the interlocutor feel involved in your experiences and emotions, this brings you closer.
5. Recognition of the significance of the interlocutor
Do not hesitate to admire the interlocutor's qualities and recognize his achievements, but only if you sincerely want to do so. Do not use this technique for manipulative purposes.
6. Small talk
Discussing homework or the new episode of Stranger Things is a casual conversation about trivia. Small-talk helps to talk to the interlocutor, establish contact, find common ground and lay the foundation for trust. Topics for smol-current:
- current events in the world,
- new movies,
- links to what the interlocutor said earlier (about himself, occupations, hobbies),
- stories from his life.
What makes the interlocutor intolerable
Destructive statements .
Accusations, insults, criticism, comparisons. For example, “you are lazy” or “you do nothing”
Expressing desires in the form of demands. Example: "you have to help me", "you have to buy me a new phone".
Excessive desire to contribute . No need to have your say on every occasion and impose your own standards. We need to acknowledge other people's ideas and opinions.
Resistance: "no", "but", "nevertheless". Even in a friendly tone, it sounds like "you're wrong."
Unwillingness to share knowledge and valuable resources. Learned something informative, found a cool site - share with others. After all, the best way to consolidate knowledge is to explain to another person. And there will be a reason for the tar-current.
Self-justification . If you're going to say, "Sorry, I didn't do my homework because I lost my notebook," stop after the word "sorry."
Depreciation.
If you want the interlocutor to respect you, be attentive to him, do not neglect. Phrases like “I don’t care”, “this is nonsense” hurt people.
Ingratitude. In general, gratitude is the magic wand in any communication. Say "thank you" more often.
Sarcasm . It is better not to use negatively colored phrases: “Thank you, helped”, “Well, well, keep up the good work.”
Arrogance. "I do it better than you."
Effective Communications Books
1. How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere by Larry King. A book about how to overcome awkwardness in talking to strangers and overcome the fear of speaking in public. The author is a master of communication: the most prominent figures in politics, business, sports and art considered it an honor to be a guest on his talk show. In the book, King shares his secrets and gives many useful tips.
2. “I can hear you through. An Effective Negotiation Technique!” by Mark Goulston. In the book, the author gives nine basic rules and 12 quick techniques for persuasion, building empathy, reducing conflict and achieving the desired solution.
3. “Science of communication. How to read emotions, understand intentions, and connect with people by Vanessa van Edwards. How to start a conversation and attract attention? How to get to know the interlocutor better? How to influence colleagues and friends? Vanessa van Edwards gives the most important principles of communication in the book. These principles are not taught in schools and universities, but they determine whether we succeed at work or in personal relationships.
4. “Psychology of persuasion. 50 Proven Ways to Be Persuasive, Robert Chaldin and Noah Goldstein and Steve Martin. This book will tell you about psychological techniques, the use of which will help in communicating with loved ones.
