After narcissist abuse

Stages of Healing After Narcissistic Abuse

Published: February 11, 2022 Updated: October 31, 2022

Published: 02/11/2022 Updated: 10/31/2022

Narcissistic abuse is insidious and can cause lasting effects like low self-esteem, trust issues, self-doubt, grief, depression, and anxiety.^1,2,3,4 With time and treatment, it’s possible to heal and overcome these issues, recovering parts of yourself and your life that were lost to the abuser. Recovery is a process that often occurs in the ten distinct stages outlined in this article.^3,4,5

Would you like help recovering from a relationship with a narcissist? BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by BetterHelp

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What Is Narcissistic Abuse?

People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are more likely to be verbally, emotionally, sexually, and physically abusive towards others. ^2,4,6 While narcissists can use a wide range of abusive tactics against family, friends, and romantic partners, there are some abusive behaviors that are more common.

10 Examples of Narcissistic Abuse

Specific abusive behavior from a narcissistic might look like alienating, gaslighting, or attempting to control or dominate the victim. Identifying a narcissist’s abusive cycle can be a helpful first step to addressing it.

Here are ten examples of narcissistic abuse:^1,2,3,4

Alienating a person from their support system to isolate and control them
Financially exploiting a person or using them for some other benefit or gain
Stonewalling, sulking, or being cold as a way to “punish” their victim
Physical or sexual abuse or using threats of violence or abuse
Repeated infidelity, which might be denied, weaponized, or blamed on the victim
Playing mind games or using gaslighting techniques to make the victim doubt themselves
Degrading someone or being verbally or emotionally abusive
Distorting the situation and shifting blame to paint themselves as the victim
Being controlling, domineering, jealous, or possessive
Having unpredictable blow-ups mixed with kindness/affection

Effects of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse can have long-lasting effects. Being involved with a narcissist erodes your sense of self, lowers self-esteem, and causes crippling self-doubt.^1,2,4,6 These impacts can show up in a number of ways for people, and often take several years (and a lot of therapy) to recover from.⁴

Some effects of narcissistic abuse include:^2,3,4,6

High levels of shame or feeling inadequate, unworthy, or “not good enough”
Excessive self-doubt and difficulty making decisions independently
Codependency or putting other people’s feelings and needs before your own

Trust issues and trouble opening up or being vulnerable with others
Feeling disconnected from your feelings, wants, and needs
Trouble setting boundaries and forming healthy relationships
Depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), suicidal thoughts, and substance use
Inner conflict about wanting to make your relationship with a narcissist work and needing to leave

Help For Narcissistic Abuse

Individual Therapy – Get personalized help with recovering from narcissistic abuse from a licensed therapist. BetterHelp offers online sessions by video or text. Try BetterHelp

Support Groups – You are not alone in dealing with a narcissist. Sesh offers over 100 different support groups per month, with at least once a week focused on narcissism. First Month Free

Books On Narcissism – See our handpicked selection of Narcissism Books List

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp and Sesh.

10 Stages of Healing After Narcissistic Abuse

While each person’s experience of recovery from narcissistic abuse is different, there are reports of many similarities that present in a series of ten stages.^3,4,5

Here are ten common stages of healing after narcissistic abuse:

1. Denial: Initial Feeling That Something Is “Off”

Many people don’t realize that they’re dealing with a narcissist or are victims of narcissistic abuse. Instead, their process of recovery begins with a nagging feeling that something is not right in the relationship.⁶ They might get a sense that they are being mistreated or just feel like something is wrong or bad in the relationship, especially after a conflict.

“Narcissistic individuals often engage in a variety of behaviors to establish and maintain a position of advantage in their romantic relationships,” says Virgil Zeigler-Hill, Ph. D. “They may insult their partners during disagreements or use strategies such as intimidation or manipulation in order to maintain their position of power or dominance over their romantic partner.”

They might have moments of clarity when they recognize that the narcissist’s behavior is unacceptable or even abusive, but often remain in denial by making excuses. For example, they might chalk it up to the person having a bad day, being under a lot of stress, or cite examples of times when the person has been loving or kind to them. Denial is common in the early stages of recovery from narcissistic abuse.^3,5,6

2. Shock & Confusion: Suspicions of Abuse Begin to Surface

Eventually, there may come a time when the abuse or narcissism is so bad that it is almost impossible for the person to remain in denial. The initial recognition that the person may be a narcissist or that they may be the victims of abuse is difficult to accept. It often comes with shock, confusion, and cognitive dissonance.^3,4,5,7

Cognitive dissonance is the uncomfortable experience of knowing something is wrong or bad while also resisting acceptance. This can lead to an inner conflict where the person might go back and forth between blaming the narcissist and blaming themselves.^4,7 This period can go on for a while, but usually ends in acceptance, marking the transition to the next stage.

3. Identification: Recognizing & Naming the Narcissistic Abuse

Eventually, the back-and-forth settles into a final recognition that the person is a narcissistic abuser. This difficult insight might come after the person does research on narcissism or narcissistic abuse, or after they open up to someone else about the abuse.⁵ Acknowledging and naming the abuse is an important turning point because it makes it almost impossible to return to a state of denial.

Still, it is common for people to believe that the narcissist in their life can change, recover, and stop being abusive. They may even try to “save” the relationship by seeking counseling or encouraging the narcissist to do so. These efforts rarely succeed, and often leave the person with no other option than to move to the next stage of separation.

4. Separation: Distance & Separation From the Abuser

Eventually, victims of narcissistic abuse realize that the narcissist in their life is either unwilling or unable to change, and that it is up to them to summon the strength to leave. This may begin as a “trial separation,” “break,” or just “taking space” from the abuser by limiting contact. This usually triggers a cycle of love bombing, narcissistic rage, and more abuse.^1,6

Eventually, it will become clear to the person that they need to cut ties and end the relationship with the narcissist. This can be an ugly, painful experience, especially for those who had close relationships, shared assets, children, or other ties. In these cases, it’s common for the narcissist to become vengeful and cruel, sabotaging the person, leveraging legal or financial action, or finding other ways to enact revenge.⁴

5. Complicated Grief: Emotional Turmoil Including Anger, Guilt, & Sadness

After separation, it’s common for a person healing from narcissistic abuse to experience complicated grief or complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD).^5,7 Unlike a “normal” process of mourning, complicated grief often involves a mix of emotions including anger, guilt, longing, and sadness. These conflicting feelings can make it difficult to really grieve the loss, accept that the relationship is over, and feel a sense of closure. ⁷

These feelings might be further complicated by lasting fears about what the narcissist will do next in an attempt to hurt them.The best case scenario is often when the narcissist “discards” the person, going no-contact with them; but this also makes it hard to grieve and get closure. Because of their stunted emotional and social abilities, it’s almost impossible to have a healthy separation from a narcissist.⁶

6. Education: Finding Information & Support to Understand the Abuse

For many people who recently cut ties or ended a relationship with an abusive narcissist, education is a key part of their recovery process. Learning more about narcissism and narcissistic abuse from self-help books, support groups, or articles online can help them make sense of their experiences.^3,5

For many people, research connects them to other survivors who have had similar experiences with narcissistic abuse. This can be very validating, and can help people in recovery find support while also helping them understand and make sense of the abuse. ^3,4,5 This process can empower abuse survivors, while also helping them find closure and move towards the next stage of healing.

7. Recovery: Self-care & Healing the Wounds of Narcissistic Abuse

The next stage in recovery after narcissistic abuse is finding skills, outlets, supports and self-care strategies that help them begin to heal the lasting wounds of abuse. In this stage, people learn ways to reconnect with their own feelings, wants, and needs. This often involves learning to love themselves and practice better self-care, putting themselves first.^3,5

Narcissistic people tend to minimize, ignore, or violate the feelings, wants, and needs of other people, which can cause victims to disconnect from themselves. This stage of healing is all about rewiring these inner connections and learning to honor and validate their feelings and needs through self-care.^3,4,5

8. Restoration: Reclaiming Independence & Rebuilding Their Life

Narcissistic people are known for guilting and coercing others into devoting most of their time and energy into meeting their needs while neglecting their own. ⁸ They also tend to be highly controlling, using abusive tactics to try to control what they do, how they behave, where they go, and who they see.^1,2,4

Many people in romantic relationships with a narcissist have developed codependent patterns, and have devoted their lives to taking care of others while neglecting themselves.⁷ This is why it’s so important for a person in recovery from narcissistic abuse to work on rebuilding a life of their own design. This process involves rebuilding a meaningful life based on the things they want, need, and care about.

For example, some people may decide to go back to school, change careers, or pursue their own passions and interests. For many, this stage also involves rebuilding a support system of people who are capable of having healthy, reciprocal relationships. This step is the key to moving beyond the abuse and towards a more hopeful, fulfilling, and meaningful life.^3,5

9.

Meaning-making: Finding Meaning In the Abuse & Getting Closure

At this stage, most people feel like they’ve healed the emotional wounds. They no longer feel plagued by grief or find themselves struggling daily with the aftermath of the abuse. For some, getting to this point is enough, but others feel the need to go further. They often describe the next step in their healing process as finding meaning from the pain of their experiences.^4,5

This doesn’t mean they’re glad that they were abused or grateful for the relationship with the narcissist. It just means that they acknowledge that there were ways in which this experience made them stronger or wiser, or served as a catalyst that has improved their quality of life. For example, many people describe that their recovery process led them to develop more insight, healthier boundaries, or even self-love.³

10. Paying it Forward: Finding Ways to Give Back or Help Others

A final step in the process of moving from victim to survivor to thriver is finding ways to pay it forward by helping other victims or using their experience to make a positive impact. Some people who have overcome narcissistic abuse go on to start blogs, support groups, or other resources aimed at helping advocate for and empower other victims.³

Others find smaller and more personal ways to pay it forward. For example, they may teach their children about healthy boundaries and relationships, support a friend who is in an abusive relationship, or share their own experiences with others going through something similar. When it comes to how to move on after narcissistic abuse, these are ways of getting closure.

Benefits of Therapy

Depending on how long you were in a relationship with a narcissist, the type of relationship you had with them, and the abuse you experienced, the recovery process can be extensive. Many survivors describe that it took them a year or even several years until they felt like themselves again.⁴ For many, therapy was a key part of their recovery process.^3,4

Some benefits of therapy include:

Understanding narcissistic traits, tendencies, and the tactics used against them
Identifying the specific wounds left by the abuse (i. e., low self-esteem, trust issues)
Working through conflicting thoughts and feelings they have towards their abuser
Resolving feelings of guilt and shame that resulted from narcissistic abuse
Finding healthy coping skills, outlets, and supports to aid the healing process
Identifying warning signs, red flags, and boundaries to form healthier relationships
Resolving self-worth issues and rebuilding trust and confidence in themselves
Identifying core values and long-term goals to rebuild their lives

How to Find a Therapist For Narcissistic Abuse

Finding a therapist who specializes in NPD, narcissistic abuse, or abusive relationships is important for those in recovery. Survivors of narcissistic abuse often suffer from anxiety, depression, self-esteem issues, and even PTSD or complex trauma symptoms. These issues can all be treated in therapy (sometimes in combination with medication).

Many people begin online by using a free therapist directory that allows them to filter and narrow their search to find therapists who specialize in these areas. Also, these filters can be used to find a therapist who is in-network with specific insurance plans, offers online or in-person sessions, or provides specific types of therapy.

Final Thoughts On the Stages of Healing After Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse is insidious and can take many forms, including physical, sexual, and psychological abuse. Many victims describe that the road to recovery can be long and challenging, especially because of the way this kind of abuse erodes a person’s sense of self-worth. Still, it’s possible to recover and heal from narcissistic abuse, especially with a strong support system that includes a highly trained therapist.

Additional Resources

Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for marketing by the companies mentioned below.

BetterHelp (Online Therapy) – BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started

Online-Therapy.com – The Online-Therapy.com standard plan includes a weekly 45 minute video session, unlimited text messaging between sessions, and self-guided activities like journaling. Recently, they added Yoga videos. Get Started

Mindfulness.com (App) – Mindfulness and meditation can change your life. In a few minutes a day with Mindfulness.com, you can start developing mindfulness and meditation skills. Free Trial

Choosing Therapy’s Directory – Find an experienced therapist who is committed to your wellbeing. You can search for a therapist by specialty, availability, insurance, and affordability. Therapist profiles and introductory videos provide insight into the therapist’s personality so you find the right fit. Find a therapist today.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp, Online-Therapy.com, and Mindfulness.com

7 sources

Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

Day, N., Townsend, M. L., & Grenyer, B. (2020). Living with pathological narcissism: a qualitative study. Borderline personality disorder and emotion dysregulation, 7, 19. https://doi.org/10.1186/s40479-020-00132-8
Rosenberg, R. (2018). The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap: Surviving Narcissistic Abuse. Morgan James Publishing.
Elise, S. (2018). Experiences of narcissistic abuse : an exploration of the effects on women who have had a long term, intimate, relationship with a suspected narcissistic male partner. (Unpublished document submitted in partial fulfilment of the requirements for the degree of Master of Applied Practice). Unitec Institute of Technology. Retrieved from https://hdl.handle.net/10652/4929
Shaw, D. (2013). Traumatic narcissism: Relational systems of subjugation. Relational Perspectives Book Series. Routledge.
Flasch, P., Fall, K., Stice, B., Easley, R., Murray, C., & Crowe, A. (2020). Messages to new survivors by longer-term survivors of intimate partner violence. Journal of family violence, 35(1), 29-41. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/333890178_Messages_to_New_Survivors_by_Longer-Term_Survivors_of_Intimate_Partner_Violence
Green, A. , & Charles, K. (2019). Voicing the Victims of Narcissistic Partners: A Qualitative Analysis of Responses to Narcissistic Injury and Self-Esteem Regulation. SAGE Open. https://doi.org/10.1177/2158244019846693
Nichols, L. (April 25, 2021). 7 Stages of Grief After Narcissistic Abuse. https://www.movingforwardafterabuse.com/7-stages-of-grief/

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15 Tips for Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse

Published: December 7, 2021 Updated: October 2, 2022

Published: 12/07/2021 Updated: 10/02/2022

The process of recovering from narcissistic abuse can be confusing, stressful, and exhausting. At times, you may feel alone in your struggles. You might also question whether moving on is the right decision. That said, healing is possible. Learning how to cope entails understanding narcissism, setting appropriate boundaries, and taking excellent care of yourself.

Narcissistic abuse can be isolating, but you don’t have to go through the healing process alone. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by BetterHelp

Visit BetterHelp

What is Narcissistic Abuse?

Narcissistic abuse refers to the complex psychological and emotional abuse associated with narcissistic personality disorder. This abuse, at times, can be quite apparent and easy to detect. But in many cases, it’s far more covert and insidious. It may even leave you wondering if you’re imagining or overreacting to what happened. This questioning and self blame is all part of a manipulative and dangerous narcissistic abuse cycle.

Narcissistic abuse isn’t limited to romantic relationships with narcissistic partners. It can also come from narcissistic:

Parents or other family members
Adult children
Bosses
Coworkers
Friends and acquaintances
Neighbors
Community leaders
Co-parents

Effects of Narcissistic Abuse

People react to narcissistic abuse in different ways. It’s common to feel a combination of anger, betrayal, shame, and sadness after recognizing the symptoms of narcissistic abuse. Some people might wonder if they’re to blame for what happened. Others may have a sense that they want to dismiss the abuser’s actions or rescue them altogether.

The effects of narcissistic abuse will often include:

Symptoms of narcissistic abuse syndrome
Intense guilt or shame
A sense of grief for ‘the good old days’ or ‘what could have been’
Symptoms of PTSD or complex PTSD
Intense loneliness or disconnection from others
Fear of being unloved or never being able to move on from the abuser
Escape behaviors, like substance use, overeating, or compulsive gambling
Low self-esteem or lack of sense of self
Relationship problems, possibly due to being isolated from loved ones
Financial distress
Parenting and co-parenting stressors
Contentious legal battles in the event of divorce

15 Tips to Help You Heal from Narcissistic Abuse

The stages of healing from narcissistic abuse typically take time, introspection, and support. Recognizing the abuse is the first step towards change. Furthermore, it’s important to anticipate how the narcissist may react and it is essential that you have measures in place to take care of yourself. No matter how challenging the situation seems, recovery is always possible.

1. Label the Abuse

Recognizing abuse can be challenging. But identifying what happened and legitimizing your experience allows you to maintain a sense of objectivity. Remember that abusers may oscillate between being extremely cruel and incredibly charming. They typically present as kind or compassionate in public. But severe jealousy, name-calling, controlling behavior, intense blaming, and humiliation are all considered forms of abuse.¹

2. End the Relationship (If You Haven’t Already)

Abusive relationships rarely, if ever, improve on their own. In most cases, breaking up with a narcissist is the best option for reclaiming your well-being. Due to their nature, they will likely respond inappropriately. They may beg you to come back, promise to change, try to smear your reputation to others, or make idle threats about destroying your future.

3. Set Clear, Defined Boundaries

Many times, avoiding all contact with your abuser is the ideal response for moving on. Taking this approach requires immense discipline, but it eliminates potential opportunities for connection and “feeling tricked” back into the relationship. If you must maintain some contact (such as when you’re co-parenting), aim to create defined, specific limits about communication. The more you can uphold those boundaries, the more likely you will protect yourself from further chaos.

4. Avoid Retaliation

Even if your abuser makes great efforts to hurt you after ending the relationship, resist the urge to fight back. In many ways, that’s how they want you to respond. Continuing to engage only fuels more drama. Instead, if you can’t avoid their tactics, focus on remaining as neutral as possible. If you must vent, share your concerns with someone who doesn’t have any ties with the narcissist (mutual friends may tell them what you say or the narcissist may try to engage you in triangulation tactics through the mutual acquaintance).

5. Seek Immediate Support

If you recently ended the relationship, you need people who will validate, comfort, and help you. Reach out to trusted friends or family, or consider joining a support group for survivors of abuse or domestic violence. Seeking support still applies to those who suffered from abuse that happened a long time ago. It’s never too late to reach out for help and support.

Help For Narcissistic Abuse

Individual Therapy – Get personalized help with recovering from narcissistic abuse from a licensed therapist. BetterHelp offers online sessions by video or text. Try BetterHelp

Support Groups – You are not alone in dealing with a narcissist. Sesh offers over 100 different support groups per month, with at least once a week focused on narcissism. First Month Free

Books On Narcissism – See our handpicked selection of Narcissism Books List

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp and Sesh.

6. Create a Consistent Schedule

Routine can be such an essential part of your emotional well-being. Having a sense of predictability can help you stay focused, even when life feels wildly out-of-control. Commit to making a schedule that you can follow each day or week. It’s okay if you don’t follow it perfectly. Having a template in mind can give you peace of mind when you feel scattered.

7. Anticipate Grief

Any loss, even if it’s positive, can trigger distress. Many people feel profound grief after ending a traumatic relationship. This grief may be complicated. You may experience a sense of numbness or detachment, difficulty trusting others, a sense of longing for the abuser, or difficulty engaging in your everyday routine. ² Keep in mind that these symptoms are common, and they usually dissipate as you move through your healing process.

8. Express Your Emotions

Your emotions may feel highly intense when you first begin healing from narcissistic abuse. Try to avoid suppressing or bottling them up. Instead, identify and release them. If you aren’t sure how to talk about your emotions directly, try engaging in creative activities like journaling, artwork, or music.

9. Rediscover Yourself

Many people sacrifice their identities in narcissistic relationships. Once they start recognizing the abuse, they feel somewhat hollow – they don’t know who they are or what they like anymore. If this applies to you, try to focus on all the benefits of getting to rediscover yourself. To spark some inspiration, consider making a master bucket list or writing down at least 3-5 activities you want to try in the next month.

10. Implement More Self-Care

Self-care refers to the way you establish both your physical and emotional well-being. In its simplest form, practicing self-care means attuning to your basic needs.³ But it also means engaging in conscious actions that promote self-esteem, happiness, fulfilling relationships, and a sense of purpose. Think about how you can implement better self-care rituals in your daily routine.

11. Seek to Forgive Yourself

Anyone can experience narcissistic abuse. What you endured was not your fault. Blaming yourself only stunts your ability to move on. Instead, aim to be compassionate and kind to yourself when possible. Research shows that practicing self-forgiveness reinforces your emotional well-being, healthier relationships, and a more positive attitude.⁴

12. Take Time Before You Jump Into Dating

If your abuser was a romantic partner, avoid the temptation of distracting yourself with someone new. You need time to process what happened and rediscover yourself. You may be especially fragile right now, and that might heighten your risk of attracting another toxic person. Instead, focus on building a relationship with yourself. Allow yourself to grieve and reconnect with other people who can support and love you.

As we become increasingly more connected digitally, online stalking and abuse present a growing problem. If you haven’t already, unfollow and block the narcissist on all platforms. Make your own profiles private and be especially cautious with how you share personal information about yourself. You never know what someone might do with it.

14. Create New Rituals

Maybe you two went to the same restaurant for lunch every Wednesday. Or, you spent every Christmas visiting their mother’s house. Either way, certain rituals may trigger sadness, anger, or a sense of longing. Try to anticipate those moments and think of ways you can recreate new patterns for the future.

15. Reflect on What You Learned

It’s easy to dwell on all the negative parts of narcissistic abuse. And, indeed, reminding yourself of all that negativity is important in helping you avoid repeat situations in the future. But if these associations only make you feel worse about yourself, try to also remember how you grew, learned, and gained perspective from this experience.

How a Therapist Can Help You Heal from Narcissistic Abuse

Therapists provide validation, reassurance, and professional expertise when it comes to healing from narcissistic abuse. They understand the mental health challenges that can arise from toxic relationships. They are also skilled in supporting clients in changing how they understand and cope with distressing symptoms.

Finding a therapist for professional support can help you in your recovery journey. It’s normal to feel confused, scared, or alone during this vulnerable time. However, having a trusted professional who supports your growth can help you stay on the right track.

Final Thoughts on Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

Surviving narcissistic abuse is undoubtedly difficult. The healing can take time, and it’s typical for people to feel like they’re occasionally regressing. Remember that progress isn’t always linear, and that it’s important to continue focusing on how you can take care of yourself and move forward.

Additional Resources

Mindfulness.com (App) – Mindfulness and meditation can change your life. In a few minutes a day with Mindfulness.com, you can start developing mindfulness and meditation skills. Free Trial

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp, Online-Therapy.com, and Mindfulness.com

For Further Reading

National Domestic Violence Hotline: This hotline offers free, confidential support for people experiencing relationship abuse. You can engage with crisis counselors via phone calls, texting, or live chat.
Narcissistic Abuse Support: This site offers valuable resources about narcissistic abuse and provides a directory for support groups for survivors.
16 Best Books on Narcissism & Narcissistic Personality Disorder: This is a comprehensive guide outlining the best books on understanding narcissism and how it affects people.
Dr. Ramani’s Video Series on Narcissism: Dr. Ramani is a clinical psychologist with an expansive library of videos about narcissism and its related abuse.
Mental Health America
National Alliance on Mental Health
MentalHealth.gov

4 sources

Signs of Abuse. National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Retrieved from: https://ncadv.org/signs-of-abuse
Complicated grief. Mayo Clinic. Retrieved from: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/symptoms-causes/syc-20360374
What Is Self-Care? International Self-Care Foundation. Retrieved from: https://isfglobal.org/what-is-self-care/
The benefits of self-forgiveness. (2019, August). Stanford Medicine. Retrieved from: https://scopeblog.stanford.edu/2019/08/02/the-benefits-of-self-forgiveness/

If you are in need of immediate medical help:

Medical
Emergency
911

Suicide Hotline
800-273-8255

Narcissistic Abuse: 16 Dangerous Harbingers

Contrary to popular belief, narcissists don't really love themselves. In fact, all their actions are explained by the desire to hide a sense of shame. We can say that they are driven by shame.

They once created an idealized image of themselves that they expect others to admire. But deep down, narcissists constantly feel this gap between the real "I" and the fictional image. So every day they try to somehow fill this void. To fill this gap, narcissists resort to destructive defense mechanisms that hurt loved ones.

Many of their coping mechanisms are offensive to other people. This is where the specific term "narcissistic violence" comes from.

However, one must clearly distinguish between narcissists and people who have a tendency to offend. For example, individuals suffering from other mental illnesses (bipolar disorders, sociopathy, etc.), drug addicts can also abuse people, but they are not narcissists.

If you are a victim of bullying, there are three steps you need to take:

1. Make sure that insults are taking place.
2. Create your own support system.
3. Learn to protect yourself.

What is narcissistic violence?

Abuse can be emotional, mental, physical, financial, spiritual or sexual. Here are a few good examples that will help you understand this issue:

• Verbal abuse. They include humiliation, accusation, shame, demand, order, threat, criticism, sarcasm, resistance, blocking. Please note that many people periodically resort to such actions. However, with the narcissist, this practice is constant.

• Manipulation. The narcissist indirectly influences someone to achieve their goals. He acts like a wolf in sheep's clothing. At first, it seems to us that his words are harmless. But at the end of the conversation, humiliation and even hidden aggression and hostility are clearly felt.

• Emotional blackmail. It includes threat, anger, warning, intimidation or punishment. This is a form of manipulation that causes doubt in the victim. She feels fear, obligation and guilt. Her feelings seem to be in a fog, she cannot express them and interpret them correctly.

• Deliberate provocation. The narcissist deliberately behaves in such a way that the interlocutor turns out to be abnormal, and not himself. To do this, he resorts to many different tricks: for example, casually mentions being overweight, and then says that he was joking that the interlocutor reacts too violently to this news.

• Competition. He always tries to hurt the opponent in order to force him to enter into a tacit game. For the sake of victory, the narcissist will do anything, even cheating.

• A game of contrast. He specifically compares a person with someone else, emphasizing the superiority of the latter.

• Sabotage. He interferes in your affairs and relationships in order to bring chaos and discord into them and to obtain personal gain.

• Exploitation and objectification. He uses other people to achieve his goals, while not taking into account other people's desires and feelings.

• False. He resorts to deceit to avoid punishment and responsibility for his own mistakes.

• Retention (concealment). He deliberately hides money from a loved one, manipulates sexual relationships, sets the tone for communication and plays on affection.

• Neglect. Usually the narcissist neglects the needs of the child for whom he is responsible.

• Invasion of private property. He does not respect personal boundaries, takes your phone without asking, sits on your page on a social network, reads your mail. At the same time, he completely ignores requests for non-interference in personal life.

• Libel. He spreads gossip, tells false details about you to other people.

• Violence. It includes a variety of forms: from damage to your property, ending with a fight and emotional abuse.

• Financial claims. He controls your income, extorts money from you through manipulation, maybe even steals.

• Insulation. He forbids you to communicate with anyone other than himself, trying to maintain control and status of authority.

Narcissism manifests itself in many ways. It can range from ignoring your desires to violent aggression. As a rule, narcissists do not take responsibility for their own actions, always shifting the blame to the one they offended. They justify it by saying that the person provoked them.

Narcissists and sociopaths

There is a concept of "malignant narcissism". People suffering from this mental illness have a heightened level of self-love, a complete absence of disturbing guilt, and they are extremely hostile. Some people even show sadistic tendencies, that is, they feel pleasure from inflicting pain on another person. Their behavior is antisocial, and the resulting paranoia only adds fuel to the fire.

Malignant narcissism can resemble sociopathy. However, they are distinguished, first of all, by motives. The narcissist maintains the image he has created, while the sociopath constantly changes masks to fit the situation. Sociopaths do not attach to people, unlike narcissists. The latter do not want to be abandoned, they literally depend on relationships.

Only a person with adequate self-esteem can fight a narcissist. It will help you set boundaries and improve communication.

Text: Flytothesky.ru

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90,000 Narcassic violence - Frwiki.wiki

Narcissical abuse of is, in psychoanalysis, the term that occurred at the end of XX - ^, centuries and became more important at the beginning of XXI - centuries 9014 of from - 9014 for the work of Alice Miller and others by neo-Freudians, rejecting psychoanalysis because it is considered analogous to toxic pedagogy.

Alice Miller used the term narcissistic abuse to refer to a special form of psychological abuse by narcissistic parents towards children, that is, parents who need their child to satisfy their own needs and feelings in order to evaluate themselves socially, which is narcissistic violence. The term has also been used more broadly to refer to forms of violence in social relationships by narcissists.

Self-help culture currently suggests that someone who was abused by narcissistic parents as a child is likely to struggle with codependency issues as an adult. An adult who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist likely does not know what constitutes a "normal" relationship.

Summary

1 child rearing
- 1.1 Pioneers: Ferenczi
- 1.2 Kohut, Horney & Miller
- 1.3 Advanced developments of
2 Adult relationships
3 See also
4 links
5 Further reading

Child education

Pioneers: Ferenczi

The roots of the discovery of narcissistic violence can be traced back to the work of Sandor Ferenczi.

In his seminal article, "Language Confusion Between Adult and Child," Ferenczi argues that "the mother can act as a full-time nurse, a surrogate mother in effect, lamenting her suffering and completely disregarding the best interests of the child. Child." In these distorted patterns of parent-child interaction, Ferenczi believed that the teacher's silence and hypocrisy were the most traumatic aspects of abuse, and ultimately led to what he called "narcissistic mortification".

Ferenczi also explored these distortions in the therapist-patient relationship, accusing himself of sadistic (and implicitly narcissistic) abuse of his patients.

Kohut, Horney and Miller

Half a century later, in Kohut after "normal narcissism", the concept of the normal narcissistic ability arrived. According to Kohut, the mother's inability to perform the Self- object's narcissistic functions, the "mirror image" function, causes narcissistic disorder. A father's failure could lead to the same result: Kohut explored, for example, a son's figurative reproaches towards his father, who was preoccupied with his own self-improvement and therefore refused to respond to his son's originality.

Karen Horney has already identified a disorder (especially the compulsive desire for love and power) that can result from a childhood dominated by parental and violent narcissism. He initiated the work of Alice Miller and others in this field.

Alice Miller emphasizes the reproductive process of narcissistic abuse, the idea that romantic relationships and relationships with children repeat past narcissistic distortions. Miller's early work was in the same vein as Kohut's regarding empathy and the reflection of deficits, with an emphasis on how adults themselves perpetuate the narcissistic anger of their early years in a cycle between generations. According to Miller, when a child is narcissistically abused for an adult's needs, he can develop an amazing ability to perceive and intuitively, unconsciously respond to that need and thus take on the role that has been unconsciously assigned to him.

Advanced Developments

Miller's work, emphasizing the real interaction between parent and child, challenged the Freudian concept of Oedipus by upholding the moral and educational foundations of the therapeutic industry; she did it at a time when "abuse" was invariably the "key word" of the 80s.

Over time (and controversy arose), a lighter version of the notion of narcissistic abuse gradually permeated much of the psychotherapeutic culture.

In XXI - ^m century, transactional analysis identified patients who suffer narcissistic abuse as children (which is a developing trauma), considering, for example, a boy in a house where there is, than women who survived by developing strong emotional antennas to meet the emotional needs of mother and sister.
Post-Jungians have explored the effects of severe narcissistic trauma caused by parental lack of empathy. In particular, Polly Young-Eisendrath points out how mothers' (or fathers') narcissistic pursuits of fame are reflected in their children, with disastrous results for both mother and child if both lose their way. Ability for autonomous development.
Object relations theory emphasizes that the most traumatic experience is the absence of an emotional gift from a mother or father, and that in the intergenerational model, people raised by authoritarian and tyrannical parents will often be parents who raise their children in the same way. Adam Phillips adds that a mother who interferes in her child's life and suppresses his independence creates in him, often unconsciously, an endless desire for revenge.
Julia Kristeva emphasizes how the combination of overprotective and anxious mothers and fathers who chose the child as a narcissistic prosthesis and left it as a reminder reinforces its omnipotent tendencies.
Mr. Scott Peck recognized the milder but nonetheless destructive forms of parental narcissism, as well as the depth of possible confusion caused by maternal narcissism in its most severe cases.
This term also appeared in the context of parental alienation syndrome, in situations where, as a result of role reversal, the child becomes like a “living antidepressant”, filling the emotional void of the alienating parent: as a result, the parent clings to his own. the child is like a drowning man.

In the 2009 Complete Dictionary of Psychoanalysis, this term occurs only in connection with the misuse of the couch for narcissistic gain; some patients and therapists view him as a "status symbol" of narcissistic abuse.

Adult relationships

Narcissistic abuse can also occur in adult relationships when the narcissistic person seeks to find a successful (independent, educated and attractive) and empathetic partner in order to gain admiration for their qualities (narcissistic support). The narcissist creates an aggressor-victim relationship dynamic through a series of abuses resulting from a traumatic romance; the relationship becomes more and more violent, and it will be difficult for the partner to leave.

Codependents may voluntarily seek relationships with narcissists.

Relationships of narcissists are characterized by a period of intense commitment and idealization of their partner, followed by devaluation and rapid rejection of the partner. At the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist, the partner is shown as the narcissist's ideal self, which includes pseudo-empathy, kindness, and charm. Once a partner enters into a relationship (for example, through marriage or a business partnership), the true self of the narcissist begins to emerge. The initial narcissistic abuse begins with derogatory comments and builds up contemptuously, ignoring behavior, adultery, sabotage, and sometimes physical abuse. The narcissist is actually made up of a combination of self-esteem and low self-esteem. His sense of inferiority is projected onto the victim. If a narcissistic person does not feel attractive, they will belittle their romantic partner's appearance. If the narcissist makes a mistake, that mistake becomes the partner's mistake. Narcissists also act insidiously, manipulatively, making remarks about the victim that actually broadcast their own behavior and thoughts (gaslighting). Any criticism of the narcissist, no matter how minor, real or imagined, often triggers narcissistic anger. This can take the form of screaming rants or silent sabotage (preparing traps, spreading rumors, etc.). The rejection phase can be quick and occurs when the narcissistic offer is received elsewhere. In romantic relationships, the narcissistic source can be obtained through romance. The new partner is in the idealization phase, so the cycle of narcissistic abuse begins again. Narcissists do not take responsibility for relationship difficulties and show no remorse. Rather, they see themselves as the victim in the relationship. 9Ferenczi, "Confusion", in JM Masson, Freud: The Assault on Truth (London 1984) p. 293-4