Why do i feel so needy in my relationship

How to Stop Being Needy or Clingy in a Relationship

Have you ever been told that you're too needy? Has your current or a past partner ever accused you of being clingy or dependent? While your intentions may be entirely good, being too needy in a relationship is anything but that.

What Is Being Needy?

Neediness is an excessive need for acceptance or affection that results in that person repeatedly becoming overly attached to people and depending on them too much.

An insecure attachment is often the culprit behind clinginess in relationships, according to relationship expert Jaime Bronstein, LCSW. "It occurs because the person fears that they will be abandoned in some way or unloved, and it most often stems from childhood and their relationship (or lack of relationship) with one or both parents," she says. "In addition, an insecure attachment style can develop from previous romantic relationships if the person felt like they weren't prioritized or didn't receive enough attention or love from their significant other. "

Meet the Expert

  • Jaime Bronstein, LCSW is a relationship therapist, coach, and the host of “Love Talk Live” on LA Talk Radio.
  • Leslie Becker-Phelps, Ph.D, is a licensed psychologist focused on improving relationships. She is the author of Bouncing Back from Rejection: Build the Resilience You Need to Get Back Up When Life Knocks You Down; Love: The Psychology of Attraction; and Insecure in Love: How Insecure Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, and Worried and What You Can Do About It

You may enjoy spending time with your partner, but it’s imperative to have some boundaries in place. With a bit of work and self-awareness, you can learn how to stop being clingy and feel more fulfilled in your relationship.

Read on for expert advice that will help you go from needy to self-sufficient.

What Are Signs of Clingy Behavior in a Relationship?

"It is important to distinguish having needs from being needy," says Becker-Phelps. "Having a need for acceptance and affection is part of being human and is part of what drives people to want close relationships. There is nothing wrong with it, but some people don’t feel comforted or reassured when someone shows caring, so they keep reaching out for more and become needy." Many clingy behaviors are fear-based, adds Bronstein, and can often be a response to past experiences with a parent or ex-partner who was unreliable or inconsistent with their words or actions. Whatever the cause, there are some clear signs of clingy behavior, including:

  • Not giving your partner space or alone time, especially if they have specifically requested it
  • Calling or texting your SO nonstop when you're not together
  • Panicking if your partner does not respond to your texts or calls
  • Monitoring your partner's behavior on social media
  • Feeling threatened by your partner's friends or coworkers of the opposite sex
  • Attempting to rush into a more serious relationship
  • Deceptively creating an image of yourself that your partner finds attractive
  • Trying to force a partner to love you
  • Attempting to earn someone’s love by doing things they like (and abandoning yourself in the process)
  • Asking for reassurance often or frequently asking your partner if they love you
  • Being constantly on the lookout for being rejected or betrayed
  • Controlling behaviors, such as wanting to track your significant other's location on your phone

If you find yourself, your partner, or someone you know engaging in any or all of these behaviors, it's a sign of relationship insecurity and clinginess. "Someone who loves themselves and feels confident in themselves and the relationship will be able to be apart and not worry," says Bronstein. "They will feel inner peace and stability whether they are with their significant other or not." Conversely, someone who is needy in their relationship will experience anxiety over their partner's commitment to them.

In some cases, the behavior may stem from your partner giving you a significant reason to worry by betraying you in the past through cheating, philandering, or otherwise. "In that case, I suggest that you work through the trust issue with a therapist, counselor, or coach, because it's not healthy to be in a relationship that doesn't have trust coming from both parties," says Bronstein.

How to Stop Being Clingy in Your Relationship

Put Down the Phone

If you tend to be the needy type, you may be used to constantly contacting your partner throughout the day. Whether via text, talking on the phone, or sending pictures, articles, and emails, your days may currently consist of endless back and forth. However, while you may simply miss your partner and enjoy being in close contact with them at all times, this can come off as clingy. Rather than giving your partner space to be able to concentrate on other matters, take on the day, and have some downtime, you may be bombarding, distracting, or annoying them. If you find yourself doing this to distract yourself or procrastinate from doing tasks you don't particularly favor, consider switching it up and texting a friend instead or finding a different outlet for your focus like going for a walk or meditating.

When you feel the urge to frequently contact your partner, it’s important to put down the phone. Put it in a box or give it to a friend. Instead, use that time to focus on yourself rather than reaching out.

Pursue Your Own Passions

Being needy in a relationship can often stem from a person’s lack of other interests and hobbies. Strive to have your own life away from your partner and make your personal passions and pursuits a priority. Having activities and pastimes that are important to you can help you to find your own path that’s separate from your partner and create a more whole and fulfilling life for yourself. "Spend more time focusing on your life because your life matters," says Bronstein. "Find other things and people besides your love to spend time with and find activities or hobbies that bring you joy," she continues. "When you are in your joy, you are present, and you don't worry about things, so I highly recommend being in your joy as much as possible."

Beginning or picking back up a hobby that inspires you is a great way to invest in yourself. Further, advancing in a hobby will offer you a sense of achievement, therefore boosting your confidence and self-esteem. By taking a spin class, signing up for piano lessons, or joining a book club, you’re helping yourself to become less needy by having your own life. This will make you more independent, interesting, and engaging. It will open you up to making friendships with people who enjoy the same things, and build a community for yourself that doesn't rely on one singular connection—a support system you could rely on if things get rocky in your romantic relationship. Plus, you won't find yourself feeling so lost when your partner is absent or doing their own things.

Give Your Partner Space

You may not like your partner doing things without you. Whether it’s having dinner with friends, going out to a bar, or seeing a movie, needy people in relationships have a hard time with the fact that their partner has a life away from them. However, it’s vitally important to the health and success of your relationship that your partner is able to do and enjoy things without you, as it’s the unique facets of your personality that make you a better team. Since you’re a couple and not a clone of your partner, you should support your SO's endeavors and desire to go golfing with friends or have a girls' night. This way you’re showing your partner that you care about their needs, that you’re secure in the relationship, and that you place a priority on their happiness—even if it doesn't always include you. 

Stop Being Jealous 

It’s not uncommon for people to behave in a needy way because they’re jealous or worried about their partner’s loyalty or possible infidelity. "Jealousy is related to fear of rejection or abandonment," explains Becker-Phelps. "When a person is inclined toward unfounded jealousy, they are experiencing an emotional need to hold onto (or cling to) a partner they fear might leave them." For example, you may insist on texting your partner throughout the day because you’re worried about his or her relationship with a cute coworker. Or you may want to hang out with your partner 24/7 because you don't trust their behavior in your absence.

However, being envious and mistrusting is only going to push the two of you further apart. Since relationships are based on mutual trust, your clingy nature is actually showing your partner that you don’t believe or have faith in him or her or in the strength of your connection. On the other hand, if you choose to trust your partner and work through these jealous feelings and emotions, you'll be far less needy, more relaxed mentally, and your relationship is far more likely to succeed.

Build Your Self-Esteem

"People who have this problem often struggle with feeling inadequate, flawed, or in some way deficient," explains Becker-Phelps. "When others show them caring, they don’t really believe or take it in—but feeling desperate for reassurance, they keep trying to elicit it (even when it’s already been given)." In many cases, being needy stems from a misconception that you need others around at all times for help and support. While it may seem challenging at first, it’s time to recognize that you're able to accomplish things on your own without anyone by your side. You’ll soon recognize that you’re able to have achievements on your own, and that it’s okay to spend time alone and do things without relying on others. Learn to become your own best friend, lover, and support system, and you'll feel much more fortified and self-assured in any situation, regardless of who else is there. "When a person feels more positively about themselves, they are more likely to believe when someone else feels positively towards them," adds Becker-Phelps.

You may even grow to enjoy these moments by yourself and complete tasks and projects on your own or simply relish the freedom of solitude and the opportunities for introspection, creativity, and tranquility that it can bring. If you work toward improving your confidence, self-esteem, and ability to be more self-sufficient, you’ll realize you can flourish and succeed whether in a partnership or on your own. It can be as simple as starting with self-affirmations. "List out your positive traits or strengths and think about how you see them in your life," suggests Becker-Phelps. "Practice doing this with different strengths or situations to help you acknowledge and appreciate positives about yourself."

Talk to Your Partner

If you recognize that your behavior is needy or you can sense that your partner is becoming irritated, it's best to be open with them and have a conversation. "Be honest with your significant other about your clingy behavior; own your behavior instead of blaming them," says Bronstein. For example, don't blame the number of people they dated before you for your inability to trust them fully or tell them if they answered your texts faster you wouldn't have to check in so often. Be willing to apologize and let them know you will try your best to change your actions. Finally, advises Bronstein, ask your partner what they need from you in terms of behavior change. This will offer you some guidance as you begin to be more independent in your relationship.

Be mindful of different love languages and the ways that a person can show up in a relationship. "If you believe you are in a relationship with a healthy, caring partner, practice consciously being open to the ways your partner shows their caring," says Becker-Phelps. "You may find that attending to this makes you uncomfortable. While you recognize the discomfort, continue to challenge yourself in staying with the awareness of the ways they show they care and to being open to feeling that caring."

Spend Time With Friends and Family

Spending time with people who lift you up is one of the best ways to gain confidence and feel more secure in both yourself and your relationship. "I encourage my clients to surround themselves with people who build them up, with who they feel comfortable being around, and who love them unconditionally," says Bronstein. Being with good friends and family is also a great distraction from any negative or anxious thoughts you may be having about your partner. "Spending time with caring others or doing things that you enjoy can also help you be more open to caring relationships," adds Becker-Phelps

Be sure to only spend time with people who leave you feeling loved and accepted, since hanging out with people who make you feel bad about yourself can leave you feeling more insecure than before and therefore more likely to exhibit clingy behavior. Bronstein says she inspires her clients to permit themselves to stop associating with anyone toxic or who brings them down.

Establish and Respect Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are a sign of respect for the relationship that you have with your partner as well as the relationship you have with yourself. They communicate that you have an awareness of your own needs and identity outside of a relationship and value them greatly. This sets the tone for how you expect others to treat you because it is how you treat yourself. It also provides insight and empathy for any boundaries your partner may have.

"When you are loving toward your partner while also setting boundaries, you show them that you care even when you enforce some needed distance," says Becker-Phelps. "Hopefully with time they will begin to trust in your love. Importantly, it is best to do this from a caring or vulnerable position rather than from an angry position that will likely just increase your partner’s anxiety." For example, a boundary might look like asking your partner to not call or text after your bedtime. Instead of defaulting to blaming or accusations, start the dialogue with I-statements that reflect your perspective and feelings.

Address Your Relationship Anxiety Through Therapy

Professional support can help you address your relationship anxiety by developing a more positive relationship with yourself, which will in turn allow yo to open up to others. "Talk in therapy about your struggles," urges Becker-Phelps. "As you do, it can help greatly to develop greater self-awareness from a compassionate perspective. As you gain a better understanding of your anxiety, you can also practice seeing yourself from a more understanding and compassionate perspective." She goes on to add that working with a therapist who you trust and connect with can also help provide a better understanding of others.


  • Clingy behavior is caused by an insecure attachment style defined by the fear of abandonment or rejection from a partner. It often stems from an inconsistent or nonexistent relationship with one or both parents in childhood but can also develop from previous romantic relationships where the person did not feel prioritized or loved by their partner.

  • Clinginess in a relationship means one partner is exhibiting behavior that is needy, suffocating, dependent, obsessive, or jealous, often resulting from a negative self image. Clinginess manifests in behaviors like demanding constant physical proximity, lack of independence or autonomy, a need for constant communication, and frequently asking for reassurance, help, or comfort.

  • Let your partner know how much you love and appreciate them and understand their anxiety. Openly communicate how you feel about their clingy behavior and be specific about why it bothers you without casting blame. Support them as they struggle with their anxiety and encourage them to work on finding a greater sense of security within themselves while remaining firm in your boundaries. "It is tempting to try to reassure them enough that they stop feeling anxious and fearing rejection but that usually ends in frustration because the neediness and clinging is about how they experience themselves more than about the current relationship with you," adds Becker-Phelps.

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What Does It Mean to Be Needy in Relationships?

We often desire affection and assurance from our partners, but at what point does seeking attention become a red flag?

It’s natural to feel the need for your partner to demonstrate how much they care about you. It can be the little gestures of affection in relationships that make you feel valued, appreciated, and loved.

Increasingly demanding and urging for more than your partner is already giving, however, can sometimes be referred to as being needy in a relationship.

But what does it really mean to be needy and how can you approach the situation without judgment?

Labeling someone as “needy” can be subjective. It can depend on your personality, culture, and background, as much as it can depend on theirs.

What you may assess as needy, may be the standard for someone else. It’s important, then, to try to approach this topic without judgment and with compassion.

If you’re unaccustomed to regular displays of affection, for example, someone’s need for physical and verbal expressions of love could feel excessive to you.

Wanting to be in touch throughout the day, when you’re used to checking in only once a day, can also read as needy behavior.

Everyone has different emotional and relationship needs.

Needing constant reassurance or avoiding a breakup at all costs, even when the relationship doesn’t work, may be a sign that something else is happening, though.

Some of the behaviors that could be labeled as needy in a relationship, but in reality point to something else, include:

  • a push for continuous conversation (texting, calling, emailing, social media posting)
  • persistently asking for reaffirmations of love
  • seeking out compliments
  • wanting to spend every moment together
  • difficulty making decisions alone
  • anger or sadness when partner spends time with other people
  • pessimism toward the relationship or cycling pessimism and optimism
  • sensitivity to criticism, even when delivered gently
  • need for reassurance, not just in the relationship, but often in other areas of life
  • acting jealous without evident cause

If you’re reading this wondering, “Am I needy?” you may benefit from looking beyond your current relationship and at your history as a whole.

  • Are you seeing the same behavioral patterns in all your relationships, or is it unique to this situation?
  • Have you had a recent loss or a significant change in your life that’s making you feel insecure or in need of extra support?
  • Is your partner persistently detached or unexpressive?
  • Have you experienced infidelity or manipulation in this relationship?

Differences in attachment styles and relationship expectations, as well as core personality components, can also create a dynamic that may lead to a false sense of someone being needy.

If your partner, for example, isn’t used to communicating when or where they’ll be, you might find you’re checking up on them more regularly than you typically would.

Or, you may be with a partner who isn’t as emotionally available. To them, your emotional needs may feel overwhelming.

This doesn’t mean you’re needy. It might be that you both experience romantic relationships differently, or that the relationship itself needs a closer look.

“Needy” is not a clinical diagnosis. It’s a general term used to describe behaviors often viewed as clingy or attention-seeking. But again, this can depend on culture, background, or relationship goals.

Behaviors labeled as needy often have deeper psychological roots. Some of these may be explained through researcher Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs theory.

While the theory has undergone critique and modification since its introduction in 1943, the core construct remains: Human needs arise from a perceived deficiency in important aspects of your life.

These needs include:

  • physiological (survival needs)
  • safety
  • love and belongingness
  • esteem and ego
  • self-actualization (the drive to seek self-fulfillment and growth)

Some of your experiences may lead you to feel voids in certain aspects of your life, which in turn could make you develop unhealthy relationship patterns.

Reasons for someone to exhibit needy behaviors include:

  • fear of abandonment
  • dependent personality disorder
  • borderline personality disorder
  • codependency
  • emotional dependence
  • childhood trauma
  • insecure attachment styles
  • history of domestic violence
  • trust concerns
  • low self-esteem
  • impulsivity
  • witnessing the same behaviors during childhood
  • anxiety disorders

Only a trained mental health professional can explore the root cause of someone’s behavior in a relationship. If you feel you or your partner may have faced challenges that are impacting your bond, talking with a therapist can help.

It’s natural to have a reaction when someone else’s relationship style is significantly different from yours.

Openly talking about your individual emotional needs can help establish clear expectations for both of you.

Understanding that what some people may label as needy behaviors often come from unresolved emotional wounds may help you focus on empathy and support.

If you feel you or your partner may be facing other personal challenges, talking about it can also help. It may also be a good idea to avoid judgment and to seek professional help.

A mental health professional can help you explore the root cause of some of these behaviors as well as how to set boundaries in your relationship. You and your partner can both learn what unmet needs are driving these behaviors.

When you have a better understanding of the dynamics at place, you can work together on a way to move forward and strengthen your bond.

When you understand where needy behaviors come from, you can start to work toward ways to satisfy those unmet needs. A mental health professional can help.

This process may involve managing an underlying mental health condition or reassessing limiting core beliefs. Working on coping skills to heal trauma may also help.

You may also benefit from self-building strategies such as:

  • practicing self-compassion
  • learning to be assertive
  • setting personal boundaries (being comfortable saying “no”)
  • acknowledging your positives and strengths
  • doing activities that are empowering
  • tackling challenges on your own
  • speaking to yourself in positive and loving language
  • learning skills that help you feel self-sufficient
  • helping others succeed
  • surrounding yourself with positive, supportive relationships
  • identifying relationship behaviors you shouldn’t tolerate

Labeling someone as needy is a judgment call that may hurt more than help. What some people may label needy, other people might consider healthy romantic behavior.

In some cases, though, needing constant reassurance and being afraid of not being loved may signal deeper emotional wounds.

These emotional wounds and unmet needs may lead you or your partner to act in ways that could be difficult to manage.

Speaking with a mental health professional can help you discover the causes of neediness. It could also help you work on your relationship from a place of compassion and understanding.

Healing emotional wounds is possible and often leads to stronger and more stable relationships.

I feel superfluous | PSYCHOLOGIES


Knowing Yourself A Man among People

“I feel out of place”, “I am not happy with anyone” - someone who constantly feels rejected, is distrustful of contacts with other people. The slightest inattention on their part makes you feel helpless again and again. “Once having experienced this painful feeling, such a person unconsciously expects that everything will happen again: he will be betrayed, abandoned,” explains existential psychotherapist Svetlana Krivtsova. nine0003

Trying to avoid such a development of events, each time he tests the strength of the relationship and, as a result, he remains alone again. “Trying to arouse interest in himself, to please him, he gradually becomes dependent on the opinions and assessments of other people,” continues Svetlana Krivtsova, “and his suspiciousness simply exhausts those who are nearby. Relationships become formal, often full of hostility, and eventually end.” To live in constant expectation of a break is to provoke a break.

Child injury

“When I was four, my older brother became seriously ill and my mother sent me to stay with my grandmother for a few months,” says 29-year-old Yaroslav. “I was very worried: it seemed to me that I behaved so badly that my mother had to abandon me.

The fear of being abandoned first appears in childhood and is usually associated with sudden (often prolonged) separation from parents.

“Little children cannot understand the meaning of adults' actions and suffer from loneliness,” explains Svetlana Krivtsova. “The memory that you didn’t please your parents in some way and therefore turned out to be unnecessary remains for many years.” Those whom their parents really “abandoned” in childhood, without supporting them in a difficult situation, can also feel their abandonment. nine0003

“I am learning to talk about my feelings”

Valeriya, 33 years old

“I know well what it means to be unwanted. When my little sister was born, my mother quit her job to take care of it. Maybe my fears appeared then? I always felt that I was not with them. At school, too, no one wanted to be friends with me, and as a teenager, I was absolutely sure that I was unworthy of love. And indeed, no one paid attention to me, I was invisible.

At some point, the feeling of rejection became too painful, but it helped me to see myself from the outside: I turned out to be so closed, gloomy. Now I try to be more sociable, to speak more openly about my feelings, to articulate more clearly what worries me. Surprisingly, my loved ones now talk about restraint and vulnerability as the best features of my strong character. nine0003

Early sacrifices

Sometimes parents force a child very early to take on “adult” responsibilities, to sacrifice their interests in favor of a brother or sister, and the child grows up, confident that no one cares about him. “We feel the most severe pain in those moments when we experience our own worthlessness,” says Svetlana Krivtsova. “If they do this, it means that it is possible with me, it means that I am not worthy of another.” Feeling “worst of all”, building relationships with others is excruciatingly difficult. There are unconscious "filters" through which the growing child "reinterprets" the world in his own way . .. and always not in his favor. nine0003

The ugly duckling

Some people are always preoccupied with adjusting their behavior to the expectations of others. “The reason is the feeling “I ended up here by chance, I am an ugly duckling among white swans,” explains psychoanalyst Marie-Dominique Linder. - This painful feeling is especially strong in adolescence. The teenager is trying with all his might to hide his dissimilarity so that his peers do not push him away, do not expel him from his company. Becoming an adult means overcoming this crisis and asserting yourself as a person. nine0003

What to do?

Understand the “history” of your feeling

Try to remember when the painful feeling of rejection first arose. What event changed your attitude towards yourself? Once you understand this, you can begin to control your experiences.

Do not dramatize

Try to talk freely about your feelings, write down your story. Humor helps you connect with people. By saying what you feel, you will slightly weaken the power of the image in whose captivity you live. nine0003

Open up to people

Don't wait for someone to help you. It takes serious effort to build relationships. Take the first step by trying to see the other person as an ally rather than a potential offender.

Grow up

Accept it as a fact: you are different from others (just like they are from you) and you don't need their approval to be yourself. By refusing to live dependent on the judgmental gaze of others, you can finally grow up. nine0003

Advice to a stranger

How to help someone who feels rejected in any situation? In a conversation, focus on his opinion, emphasizing that his point of view is important to you. But at the same time, do not indulge, this will lead to the opposite effect: your interlocutor may feel dependent on you, which will increase his feeling of rejection, because you cannot be with him all the time.

Be sincere in your intentions. The fact is that a person who considers himself useless doubts that he can arouse interest in himself. You can convince him that he is really worthy of attention and love only by sincerely communicating with him. nine" Everything will come back": why we believe in karma - the psychological aspect

"I can't give the girl the emotions that she had in a relationship with her ex"

"I told my friend what I was going to give her for the New Year - now we are in a quarrel " nine0003

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Psychologist's blog: is it worth helping?

  • Elena Savinova
  • Psychologist

Author of the photo, rawpixel. com

A story about a fishing rod and a fish, or whether and how to help people correctly. nine0094

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Poor not because - stupid

From childhood we are taught that we should help the elders, the younger, the weak, those who are less fortunate in life than you.

This is one of the main principles of our social ethics. At the same time, we often hear that giving fish to a hungry person is a disservice. As Confucius said: "If you want to help a person, give him not a fish, but a fishing rod." nine0003

They say that what is easily obtained, people do not appreciate, therefore they waste it lightly. Those who regularly receive subsidies quickly get used to them. And instead of looking for a job or studying, they come for a new portion of free money again and again. Become dependent on them.

And there is quite a lot of moralizing, superiority and snobbery in this judgment, which is said to have been invented by the European bourgeois back in the 18th century. What was inherent in that era of the new redistribution of capital. nine0003

Image copyright Hanna Morris / Unsplash

Recently, scientists have been conducting a number of studies in developing countries. And according to their results, they found that, for example, in African countries, people, having received grants, spent them overwhelmingly not on vodka or drugs, but on clothes and educating children.

It was also established that they are poor not at all because they are lazy or stupid. And because of hereditary poverty: parents could not pay for education, I had to go to work early in a low-paid job. And because of the lack of social elevators. Therefore, the Puritan fairy tale about a fishing rod and a fish is irrelevant and unethical. nine0003

Sandwich Law

But if we consider this problem not on a planetary scale, but, say, within the framework of some separate team or circle of friends, we notice that there are always people who are fatally unlucky. Their pipes are permanently broken, their heels are broken, they are abandoned by their loved ones, their dubious friends are "bred" for money, their relatives do not understand, and their bosses do not appreciate them. And there are those who are most often asked for help. And not because they are rich or they have enough free time. They just know that they will not refuse. nine0003

The reasons for this reliability are different. One elderly woman who visited her sick friends in hospitals all the time, bought them medicines and food, although she herself was very limited in funds, admitted that in this way she felt needed. After all, her only son and his family live far away, they see each other once a year. And she wants to help someone.

image copyrightTom Parsons / Unsplash

Interestingly, when other people tried to thank her, she flatly refused, returned sweets and money. And for some services offered money. So, helping herself, the woman did it not only out of pure empathy and a desire to share. In addition, she felt more powerful and significant than her frail friends. Sympathizing with them, she felt superior and even despised them a little. Therefore, she herself so resolutely and even angrily refused help, not wanting to be in their unacceptable place for her - weak and helpless. nine0003

Someone rushes to help because they earn love and affection in this way. And someone - because this role, given the mild nature, was once imposed on him, and now it is already inconvenient to refuse.

"No" only diplomats do not say

It is the ability to say "no" - when doing something for someone is not included in your own plans - that distinguishes someone who does good deeds sincerely, by the natural need to share , from an excess of goodness in themselves, from those who thus assert themselves, increases their own self-esteem at the expense of the weakness of others. To whom, at such moments, one relates, as one writer said, with "squeamish pity." nine0003

That is, such a person does not feel like a hackneyed horse, because he always needs to run somewhere, solve someone's problems. He is not afraid that he will be offended when, instead of taking someone to the airport, he offers to pay for a taxi. And not because there is no time. But simply because he does not want to, because that evening he was going to watch the series.

Image copyright Giulia Bertelli / Unsplash

By the way, a sign of complete mental health is that he will also honestly say that he does not want or laziness, not caring that he will be considered callous and selfish. nine0003

Or instead of spending half a day fixing a broken faucet for someone who doesn't know how, just call a plumber. And he admits that he does not understand anything about it. True, after such a glory of this man as an omnipotent crisis manager may fade. But a healthy person without an inferiority complex does not need it.

Respect out of gratitude or love out of compassion?

But, you say, there are people who have a natural need to give, to share - over the edge. Without any benefit. I agree, but such generous souls should remember that sincere friendship with those they help is not worth counting on. nine0003

Friendship presupposes a certain parity in relations. When there is an imbalance in a relationship, because one is only giving and the other is only receiving, it becomes a parent-child relationship or an older, stronger relationship with a younger, weaker one.

Image copyright Rémi Walle / Unsplash

By the way, gratitude and the need to show gratitude is one of the most difficult duties. That is why, if you are someone who constantly does good deeds, you probably noticed that those to whom you do them somehow shamefully avoid you.

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