What to do if your family is falling apart
How to keep it together when your family is falling apart
Probably one of the hardest things about a family falling apart is not being able to talk to anybody about it. Our breaking family may be the only thing on our mind, but when others ask, “How are you doing?” we might respond with, “I’m fine, thanks.” Deep inside, however, we feel like we’re falling apart because our families are falling apart.
Daily activities might feel exhausting because our brain are overwhelmed by the grief going on in our family.
So what do we do in these situations? When it feels like our whole world is crumbling down? Whether mom and dad are getting a divorce, a sibling is choosing a path that breaks your heart, when extended or immediate family starts to get toxic and abusive, or any other difficult family situation, how can we survive? How can we even feel joy during these times?
I’m here to share with you that there is hope. Even in the darkest of times, we can find strength, increase our faith, and discover the light that’s always deep within us.
My story: “My family is falling apart”
Before I jump into the tips, let me backtrack for just a second. My parents divorced when I was in college, so I was a little older and could process things better than a child or teenager. However, the process of the divorce was slow, ugly, and incredibly painful, like many of my readers may be experiencing. Manipulation turned into abuse. I felt trapped by poverty and the situation. Depression crept in as I felt the loneliest I’d been in my whole life. When the divorce was finalized and the abusive family member moved out, it felt like a rope around my neck had been loosened.
Now, years later, I look back at that time and ask, “How did I get through? How did I survive?”
Somehow, as my family fell apart, I managed to keep strong faith in God, work hard and thrive at school, make and earn tons of money, and reach so many of my goals. Somehow, I managed to get through stronger, tougher, yet more compassionate and kinder.
So what does this mean for you? I realize that if I could get through all that darkness, especially when it involved the most important people in my life, then you can too. Despite your circumstances, you have all you need inside you right now to get through this, to stay strong as your family falls apart. I’m sorry this is happening to you, and my heart aches for what you’re experiencing, but I can say with confidence that you can do this. God’s hand is outstretched and ready to help, and you are stronger than you ever imagined.
And please remember… your journey is what you make of it, even when your family is falling apart
Your journey will include finding true friends, processing and healing, creating meaningful relationships (including those with family members), trusting in God, and creating JOY right where you are.
The following tips will help you start from the inside out. We can’t always change our circumstances, but we can change ourselves. What happens inside of us is more important than what happens outside.
So how do you keep it together when your family is falling apart? How do you keep yourself mentally healthy and strong? From this article, I hope you gain the strength and confidence you need to take care of yourself, even when your world is falling apart.
Because, the truth is… you ARE strong, and you WILL get through this.
First of all, if you are in danger or have been sexually or physically abused, get help from local authorities, church leaders, and/or trusted friends. If you’ve been threatened not to tell anyone, know that you have the courage within you to get help. The results that come from getting help will be far greater than sticking it out—because you don’t need to stick it out.
Here is a great resource to get help: National Domestic Violence Hotline
Tell someone your family is falling apart
I know it might be hard to talk to others outside of the family. It might feel like you’re exposing some secret, or that an abuser in the household might hurt you because of it. But sometimes you don’t know the severity of our situations until you talk to someone about it.
Find someone that you can 100% trust and tell them what’s going on. Sometimes they’ll provide insights that you hadn’t previously thought of. Or sometimes they’ll give you the courage to seek help from authorities or others. Someone you can trust could be a best friend, teachers, mentors, counselors, and even doctors. Use your best judgment to determine who to trust with your information.
Be careful to avoid those who gossip and/or speak negatively about others (if someone tells you something negative about another person, they’re probably talking about you behind your back too). Those who gossip will only worsen the situation, and you don’t need that negativity in your life.
Talk to your siblings or other family members
Sometimes divorce or touchy subjects can divide a family. They create opposing views between family members, making the situation even worse. But please try to find private moments to speak with a trusted sibling or parent. It helps to have someone on the same team as you.
When stuff happens in the home, it can feel suffocating and claustrophobic–both physically and emotionally. Finding a quiet time and space to speak with a trusted family member can help release those emotions. You’re both going through this together, and, when you talk about it, you realize you’re not alone.
It doesn’t solve the solution all the time, but it helps your mental health to have some kind of emotional release.
Sometimes speaking with family members unites people. It can help them come up with solutions together. Speaking to your trusted family members in privacy can change the dynamics in your relationship. You will learn to trust your siblings (or parents) and unite together, standing strong even if the rest of your family is falling apart.
Let this trial bring you together
While the whole situation is devastating, allow yourself to look at what you can control: You can be kind to family members, talk to them, and even understand their point of view. Instead of letting the action of a family member pull everyone down, use this as an opportunity to pull the rest of your family together.
On the flip side, sometimes talking to family members causes more conflict
Sometimes speaking to a family member may cause us to feel more angry, tired, or upset, especially when our opinion differs from their opinion. Please understand that you need not fix everything right now. Sometimes our family members need space and time to process their own emotions, and figure out their own views on everything. Give them their space and, if there are no family members to talk to, remember that God always listens. Seek him in prayer and scripture study, and the answers you seek will come to you.
Write in a journal
Probably the biggest and most obvious pain point of a family that is falling apart is that you don’t have any control over the situation. You can’t control the agency of others, but you can control yourself.
Writing in a journal gives you control. It helps you process and gain clarity on the things in your life that you can control, such as your faith, your desire to be free of this situation, and your willpower to get through.
Through writing, you recognize your true desires, and that helps you use your imagination and creativity. When you’re stuck in the middle of a bad family situation, you might feel like all your hopes and dreams have been crushed.
But that’s simply not true. You can TOTALLY still reach your dreams! Journaling helps you to cope with the negative emotions–it puts all those emotions in a safe place, free from judgment and prying.
Journaling also helps you cope with the dark stuff. Write about your true, dark emotions–how low you feel, how angry the situation makes you–and then let it go. Doing so helps you see that your life won’t always be this way. You won’t always feel trapped or alone. Journaling is your escape.
Later in life I burned all of my journals in a bonfire, which was also very therapeutic. It was the final release of all those negative and dark emotions, a time in my life that I needed words on a page to relieve the words in my heart. I hope journaling can give you that relief too.
Reach out to God
A broken family and the misery that comes with it can you make you feel like God has abandoned you. For a while, I felt like God was mad at me, and this was my punishment for something I did wrong. But the truth is that I did nothing wrong, and God wasn’t punishing me. He allowed this to happen because every person has agency, including abusive or hurtful family members. I learned so much about the power of choice from my family, and I know you can too.
You might feel like God has left you all alone. Or you might feel punished for something you can’t fix. Another common plight involves feeling unworthy or having “too many problems” to get help. But please know that isn’t true. You are never too far to reach out to God. He is always there.
Looking back, I can see how he was always there—protecting me and providing tender mercies.
He is always there. If you haven’t prayed in a while, now is the best time to start. I know that once I started reaching out to a power greater than my own, I felt more strength and comfort than I thought I ever deserved. This gave me great confidence in moving forward.
Learn more about trusting God and handling your challenges better with this Hawaiian value: Ho’omau: Endure and Persevere with Diligence
Stay laser focused on your goals
If you just feel like giving up, think about the hope that the future holds. Give yourself 100% permission to dream big and set goals, because situations of unhappiness and brokenness will push and motivate you harder and further than you EVER imagined. Some of the most successful people have started with nothing, but their stories are inspiring.
For me, I really wanted to serve an 18-month church mission and graduate from college in 3 years. I had my timeline set out perfectly so I could one day be a writer and just have a functioning home (that was my big dream—running water and electricity). At the start of my college life, I was sick of the abuse at home, so I did something about it: I got a job. And then I eventually got two more jobs.
I worked 3 jobs while earning the max number of college credits per semester. Then I volunteered at my church and worked closely with my professors to keep myself on track. In the middle of all of this, I won awards and scholarships– which I used to better take care of myself and save for the future. I participated in the English club on campus and I worked out every. single. day.
It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it
Can you see the push? Firstly, I overbooked myself so I was never at home. That meant less time around the toxic family situation. Secondly, working towards my goals gave me purpose and, more importantly, hope. Hope! It is such a beautiful and high-energy word.
If you write goals and stay laser focused on them, you can do it. They will give you the hope and the elevation you need to rise above your circumstances. YOU are taking the steps to control your life.
By staying laser focused on my goals, I was totally able to earn my bachelor’s degree in 3 years, and serve an 18 month church mission in the Philippines. I was so proud of myself! I did all of that with my own laser focus, and help from God. No matter how big your goals and dreams are, you CAN do it!
Learn more about working hard with this Hawaiian value: Ho’ohana: Do Meaningful Work
Don’t resort to substances or addictions for help
If I can offer one last word of advice to you as your family is falling apart, it would be to keep your spirit and body healthy and strong. It’s ok to listen to sad music when you feel sad. I actually allowed myself to listen to one or two sad songs but I had to follow those up with some happier and more upbeat songs. Your spirit needs nourishment just as much as your body. You need to acknowledge the pain and validate it, especially if there isn’t someone there to validate you.
However, if I can influence you with all of the good intentions and energy in my heart… please don’t resort to drugs or alcohol. Don’t resort to binge-watching shows or playing video games. And please don’t resort to watching things like pornography. While these “seemingly harmless” forms of entertainment promise you immediate relief and escape, they will entice you until you have formed addictive habits.
Please take care of yourself. It’s ok to grieve and to feel sad for a moment, but please also feed your soul. You are much stronger than the circumstances around you. If you find that you’ve dug yourself into the hole of addiction, please seek help. There are great resources out there to help you overcome this addiction.
Even when your family is falling apart, even when you feel broken, there is always hope.
Create paradise where you are
The last tip is to create paradise where you are. I grew up in Hawaii but lived in poverty, experienced abuse, and had a lot of trauma from it. It doesn’t matter where you live, or what circumstances you’re in… it’s up to YOU to create your paradise.
I’ve added a brief list of Hawaiian values that can help you create paradise where you are. Check out just a few of the many below:
Ho’omanawanui: Improve your patience in every season
Mahalo: Learn to be grateful to God for your blessings and challenges
Nana i ke Kumu: Discover who to look to for love, support, guidance, and peace
Aloha: Live your life fully with LOVE
I want to end by sending you lots of aloha and good vibes. If you are looking for additional ways to raise your vibe and live an aloha life—a life of wellness—please consider taking my free 5 Hawaiian Days to Wellness Mini Course.
I hope these tips helped! If you think of any other helpful tips, please comment below as it will help others on their journey!
Sending lots of aloha and good vibes,
Pin this for later!
Share the aloha!
Early signs your family is falling apart (and what to do about it)
It's normal to have family and marriage problems, whether they're caused by differences in values or financial problems. Sometimes it seems easier to just avoid the problem all together and hope it goes away. However,ignoring the issuesmake things worse than they already are.
If you're worried about your family, here are some tips on how to spot problems early -
Don't ignore the signs
1. Family members are no longer present, physically and emotionally
When members of the family stop sharing things with each other, no matter how small, this is a red flag. They might be feeling isolated or judged, which could lead to people physically distancing themselves from the rest of the family. Before you know it, entire family relationships dissolve.
2. Sudden and frequent outbursts
When people feel emotionally trapped, they tend to have emotional outbursts. An outburst of sadness can leave a person feeling weak while an outburst of anger can lead to verbal and physical abuse if not handled properly. Both kinds of outbursts take a huge toll on the people around them.
3.Thinking about family induces negative feelings
If you (or your family) associates negative feelings while thinking about a spouse or sibling, that's a warning sign of a serious issue. It might be anger, fear, jealousy, embarrassment or insecurity - not qualities present in a happy family.
4. No one wants to compromise
All relationships are built on compromise. When people feel like they always have to win an argument, there is a problem.
Use these signs to clue you in on any problems in your family, and take action as soon as possible. Prolonging family problems can make them harder to solve. Each family is unique, but finding a solution often has similar steps:
1. Acknowledge the problem with your family members
It sounds obvious, but it's vital. "Look for causes, not just symptoms. We need to identify the daily experiences in a child's life that are sources of painful feelings." Kenneth Barish, Ph.D. points out.
Acknowledging the problem is the start of the solution. Acknowledging your part in the problem is also just as important. Figure out why and what the problems are in your family before moving on to a solution.
2. Tackling the issue at hand
Because there are many kinds of issues, a one-size-fits-all solution does not exist. However, there are some basic components to any solution - things like empathy, humility, gratitude and understanding come to mind. Approach your child's problem with yelling with patience. Figure out how you can deal with your child's anger. Maybe having one-on-one time with your child will cut down on their need to lash out.
If your family's issues stems from a difference in priorities, sit down and talk about understanding's everyone's expectations and schedules. If these issues are not dealt with immediately, this can lead to a person being overshadowed and feeling abandoned. Work to reconcile feelings and work towards a plan that benefits everyone.
3. Getting professional help
It might be embarrassing or even scary to ask for professional help, but "some more serious family problems . ..[can] only be handled through therapy", according to writers at NoBulling.
Doing things alone can be potentially harmful due to high emotions. Getting unbiased outside assistance from an expert is probably just what you need. Choose a licensed professional who has many years of experience and a reputation for solving family problems. You'll need to share intimate and emotional information, so make sure that all family members are comfortable with this person.
4. Create an open environment for sharing
Doing activities together forms and strengthens relationships. Plan on cooking and eating dinner together. You can also play, exercise, and pray together as a family. Regardless of the activity, what's important is to create judgment-free and supportive space for your family.
When others are talking, remember to listen, be calm, and think about how the person feels as he or she is sharing.
5. Don't forget to take care of yourself
Giving yourself some personal time to relax and take care of your needs, emotionally and physically, is also important. By taking care of yourself, you can approach family problems more calmly. Exercise and meditation are both great ways to take a step back and regain peace of mind.
Good familiesdo have problems
It's a myth that good families don't have problems. Different personalities, whether you're a parent or child, will always clash as people learn to live with one another. If you are prioritizing the '"good family image'"and ignoring issues, these little problems will slowly destroy your family, little by little.
But now that you know the signs and the basic steps, you can tackle these problems slowly and carefully, but head-on. Soon, your family will be stronger than ever.
About M Pimentel
M is a happily married Filipino mother to three wonderful little daughters, ages: 8 years, 5 years, and 4 months old. Her daily life is a struggle between being the Executive Content Director for Project Female and deciding who gets to watch television next. She specializes in creating and editing content for female empowerment, parenting, beauty, health/nutrition, and lifestyle. As the daughter of two very hardworking people, she was brought up with strict traditional Asian values and yet embraces modern trends like Facebook, vegan cupcakes, and the occasional singing cat video.
What if your family is about to fall apart?
Dom. Family Relationships MAN AND WOMAN
April 22, 2005 6:41 pm
A crisis can happen to any couple. The main thing is to be ready for it
A family crisis is a concept that frightens many. It seems that the next stage is just a divorce. Meanwhile, any family, even the strongest, cannot avoid crises. And parting is not their consequence. A difficult stage must be passed correctly. And to predict its onset in time. Psychologists accurately determine the difficult moments that two people will face sooner or later. nine0004
Your relationship has come to a standstill if...
...in your quarrels the arguments "you're a fool", "you're just like your mother", "it's clear where the child's behavior comes from".
...you are increasingly yelling at each other in the presence of children, involving the latter as participants and judges.
...the husband has long ceased to make decisions on domestic issues. The wife, on the contrary, is obsessed with cooking and cleaning, giving up on her dreams and appearance.
...one of the partners stubbornly avoids sex. nine0004
...at some point you stop fighting altogether, spend more time at work and keep quiet at home.
Six steps to overcome
- In addition to individual ones, - says the head of the psychological center Irina Ryazantseva, - every family has certain common, psychologically explainable times of discord. Especially when the husband and wife are the same age. If one of the spouses is much older and has already gone through his own sad experience, it is possible that the generally accepted crisis stage for your couple will be milder. Still, they learn from mistakes. nine0004
The main thing is to understand that the "candy-bouquet" period of love until retirement will not last. Because love is work. And each over himself. It makes no sense to demand from a partner that he change. You need to start with yourself.
1. Honeymoon Crisis
Young people try to live together. Lovely weaknesses of a partner, upon closer examination, can be simply unbearable. It turns out that he snores in his sleep, takes ex-girlfriends to the cinema and watches football on TV for half the night. She chats for hours on the phone, paints her nails at the dinner table, and besides, she doesn’t know how to cook at all! At this stage, interesting sex, from which both are not yet tired, can save spouses from scandals. If you have passed the "lapping" stage, expect the following difficulties. nine0004
2. Firstborn crisis
Pregnancy, then childbirth, sleepless nights and wet diapers. The husband is sexually unsatisfied, and the wife, meanwhile, is losing interest in sex - she is not up to it. After the birth of a child, the distribution of roles in the family changes, the child is now the main object of a woman's attention. The husband may become jealous, although he does not admit it. This period is the time of the first male adultery, when even the most trusted family men can decide to commit adultery.
3. Biochemical crisis
Scientists say that by four years of life under one roof (if not earlier) hormonal interest in a partner disappears and now additional doping is required for safe sex. If the two, apart from the bed, had no common interests, the couple will soon fall apart. It is urgent to start family traditions and common hobbies like ski trips out of town for the weekend.
4. Crisis of a downtrodden housewife
A woman returns to work after giving birth. She now needs to keep up everywhere - both at home and at work, where no one is going to make discounts for the fact that the child is small. She comes home half dead, and then there is her husband, who constantly demands love and affection. This is a time of imitation orgasms and so-called "domestic rapes". Involuntarily, one partner becomes a source of constant irritation for the other. nine0004
5. Crisis of the daily routine
After seven or ten years of marriage, life has finally settled down, day by day life rolls along the knurled track - home, work, back. Stability and predictability lead to neuroses. Wives can not stand it and begin to look to the side. At this stage, mass divorces begin, and in most cases they occur at the initiative of wives. It’s just that ladies, tired of their own monogamy, are in a hurry to get more of the joys of life.
6. Mid-life crisis
A man experiences his fortieth birthday painfully and realizes sharply that old age looms ahead. Now he is having a period of “demon in the ribs” - recognition and success with the ladies are urgently needed, he is trying to start romances with young ladies. Most of the time, they end up breaking. However, it is very difficult for a legal wife to understand and accept the amorous adventures of her half. Wise wives should try to get through this period and not rush into divorce.
Experienced women say that for a happy family life, a wife must be one for her husband in four persons: woman, mother, wife and daughter. But how many succeed...
The main thing in our life is health after all
Not all crisis situations in the family are associated with the onset of the next predictable stage. Problems can interfere with your life from the outside. Perhaps the most unpleasant options are two.
Loss of job as breadwinner
In our country, in most cases, this is a man. In this situation, he experiences an inferiority complex, begins to perceive very reverently any hints of his own insolvency, drowning sorrows with a bottle. And the lack of money has never contributed to peace in the family.
What to do? Understand that these trials are not eternal, and calmly endure them. Experience suggests that, if the case does not take place in a remote village, it is realistic to find a new job. Perhaps for some time the wife will become the breadwinner. nine0004
This is worse. Especially if the illness or injury is so severe that it is clear that this is forever.
What to do? Humble yourself. Organize your time and life in a new way. In the end, when a child is born, a lot of things have to change in the family too. And there is no need to put your life on the altar of mythical "service". Find time to disconnect from the problem, chat with friends, do any activity that brings positive emotions.
FAMILY HAPPINESS RECIPE FROM HONORE DE BALZAC
Cherish and take care of your family, but don't forget about yourself. Helping households, do not take on their problems. “Pass” them through you, but do not let them fall as an unbearable burden on your shoulders. Yielding, remain yourself... And most importantly. The human heart is endowed with an amazing ability that is too often forgotten. It can love. Remember this and love: yourself, your loved ones, and life - in all its manifestations. nine0004
Moscow sexologists have calculated that a man who lives happily ever after in marriage spends an average of 2.6 minutes a week on family sex, while shaving - as much as 24 minutes!
There is a very interesting pattern: the longer two people live together, the more a man is attracted to a family, and a woman - from a family!
Is your marriage stable?
Answer 23 questions of our test and compare the answers with the "key"
1. My mood most often deteriorates at home.
2. When I have trouble, I feel alone.
3. It is much more pleasant to have a rest during the holidays with your wife (husband) than alone.
4. I do not like to share my industrial and social affairs with my wife (husband).
5. When I feel bad, the wife (husband) becomes especially sensitive and attentive.
6. It gives me pleasure to take care of my wife (husband).
7. All our quarrels quickly end in reconciliation.
8. We always celebrate our marriage anniversary.
9. I like almost all the girlfriends (friends) of my wife (husband).
10. My wife (husband) does not take my worries to heart.
11. I prefer to meet my friends without my wife (husband).
12. My wife (husband) speaks disparagingly about my work.
13. My wife (husband) and I almost always evaluate the actions of people in the same way.
14. My wife (husband) and I have many common interests and hobbies. nine0004
15. I'm not going to change my habits, even if my wife (husband) doesn't like them.
16. I think my family has more obligations than rights.
17. Marriage limited my freedom much more than I expected.
18. One must not yield to one's wife (husband), this leads to subordination and inequality.
19. I did not expect that family life takes so much time and effort.
20. Intimate relationships always contribute to our reconciliation.
21. I rarely show my bad mood at home. nine0004
22. If family life doesn't work out, it's better to leave right away.
23. My wife (husband) knows how to understand me like no one else.
You get two points for answering yes to questions 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 13, 14, 20, 21, 23. For answering “no” to questions 1, 2, 4, 10, 12, 15, 16, 19, 22, you get two points. You get one point for answering “not sure” to any question.
From 0 to 14 points. Marriage is on the verge of destruction, and only the mutual desire of the spouses to change something can save the fading feeling. nine0004
From 15 to 24 points. We can talk about some tension in the relationship, but respect for the feelings of a partner and the ability to give in can have a very positive effect on, perhaps, a slightly cooled relationship.
From 25 to 35 points. We can talk about a high level of mutual understanding in the family and an even positive atmosphere. And if there are disputes, there is always a way to resolve them.
Those who scored more than 36 points can only say one thing - they are lucky!
What do you think about this?
Call on Monday, April 25, from 12:00 to 13:00 (Moscow time) by phone (095) 257-56-80. Or write to e-mail: [email protected]
Age category of the site 18+
The online publication (website) is registered by Roskomnadzor, certificate El No. FS77-80505 dated March 15, 2021
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF OF THE SITE - KANSK VICTOR FYODOROVICH. nine0004
THE AUTHOR OF THE MODERN VERSION OF THE PUBLICATION IS SUNGORKIN VLADIMIR NIKOLAEVICH.
Messages and comments from site readers are posted without preliminary editing. The editors reserve the right to remove them from the site or edit them if the specified messages and comments are an abuse of freedom mass media or violation of other requirements of the law.
JSC Publishing House Komsomolskaya Pravda. TIN: 7714037217 PSRN: 1027739295781 127015, Moscow, Novodmitrovskaya d. 2B, Tel. +7 (495) 777-02-82.
Exclusive rights to materials posted on the website www.kp.ru, in accordance with the legislation of the Russian Federation for the Protection of the Results of Intellectual Activity belong to JSC Publishing House Komsomolskaya Pravda, and do not be used by others in any way form without the written permission of the copyright holder.
Acquisition of copyright and communication with the editors: [email protected]
How not to give up when it seems that the family is falling apart? | Home and family
I admired him, although I wouldn't say that I fell in love with him. Before that, I had a terrible lingering unhappy love, and he brought me back to life. And I really wanted a family and children.
Now we have this: his duties are to take the elder to the kindergarten in the morning and pick him up if the weather is bad (otherwise I pick him up on foot with the younger one, we walk along the road, a kilometer and a half to the kindergarten), he also periodically takes the children to his parents so that I I could work at home (I work part-time). The rest, including at home - to score, screw, assemble - I do. I'm tired, he spends all his free time with his father in the garage, his parents are the closest and dearest people, and I, with the needs of our family, have been reduced to the level of an acquaintance whose interests, in which case, can be sacrificed. nine0004
I'll go crazy soon, but there's no one to complain to. My parents raised me in such a way that rubbish from the hut is no-no. And it’s impossible to talk badly about your husband to parents, it will ruin their relationship forever. Yes, it’s a pity for me and my parents to upset - how can they help?
What to do: it’s scary to get a divorce now, I can’t get through to my husband (he considers himself the best husband in the world, and I got stuck) ... I decided to tune in to indifference to him, not to expect anything, not to hope for anything, it’s so hard. And the question “What to do” hangs over me, and my hands are already lowered. "(Question to a psychologist). nine0004
It is impossible to predict whether a husband will change. Leaving now is difficult for a number of reasons. The only thing that can be said with complete certainty is that you should not give up right now. Humans have hopes and aspirations. When something happens that significantly limits this movement, the person first experiences stress, and then begins to fade.
From your posts, I got the feeling that your family means a lot to you and there were big plans, or even ambitions, connected with family arrangements. So I suggest not putting yourself in a situation of hopelessness on purpose. Just imagine how you say to yourself: “That’s it, you have to come to terms with the fact that I won’t have a family the way I wanted, my husband will never have any help or support, I always and in everything should rely only on myself …” Agree, this is a rather gloomy prospect, bleak and hopeless, in which there is no place for development, movement, in such an atmosphere you can only wither and fade away. Therefore, I propose to consider the current state of affairs as temporary. For example, until the moment when the youngest gets into kindergarten, and you will be able to rotate not only in the family orbit. nine0004
Therefore, you have a year and a half before the moment when you need to make a final decision. Now, of course, a categorical decision can also be made, but it will cost a lot of blood. Therefore, it's not worth it. Let's think about what can be done during this time up to hour "X", what semantic fullness to give to this time.
First of all, this is certainly a time of invaluable investment in the development of children. Every affectionate word spoken to children now will bring unconditional dividends in the future, the benefits of every fairy tale read / told are invaluable. I really like M.E. Litvak's statement about the time of the decree: this is the time when every woman can master a wonderful and sought-after specialty - an educator, if, of course, she has a desire and inclination for this. You are already almost completely involved in children, if at least in your own eyes you give this a high value and significance, many things will become easier and more pleasant. nine0004
For example, when you clean your house, you not only make your house cleaner, but also by your personal example you help children learn the concept of order, develop them and adapt them to reality.
Secondly, you continue to work, albeit part-time, which means that in any case you do not fall out of the professional cage. Let's think about what you can do right now for your professional realization at home. Surely it could be reading additional literature, at least half an hour a day. On the scale of a day, it is not much, but within the framework of the year and a half planned by us, a serious amount of work is obtained. nine0004
Thirdly, there is a fairly large margin of time, in terms of the duration of your family life - almost a third, during which a lot of things can change. For example, a husband may change his priorities. It is also possible that now the husband believes that you are dependent on him, are interested in him and limit him with your requests and demands to participate in family life, and when the husband sees that you are engaged in an interesting and meaningful business for himself, he can reconsider his relation to what is happening. nine0004
Thus, it is important to feel meaningful every moment of life.