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Victim personality type


Victim Mentality: Causes, Symptoms, and More

Written by WebMD Editorial Contributors

Medically Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD on February 03, 2022

In this Article

  • What Does a Victim Mentality Mean?
  • Why Be a Victim?
  • Signs You Have a Victimhood Mindset
  • How to Stop Being the Victim

We all have our ups and downs in life. Bad things might happen to you or people you know on a daily basis. But there are some people who claim it is never their fault. They argue that they have no control over the tough situations and problems they encounter. It is simply always happening to them. 

Victimhood can become a part of a person's identity, but it is a learned behavior and can be changed.  It often evolves as a defense mechanism to cope with adverse life events.

People who constantly blame other people or situations for the events in their lives have a victim mentality. 

What Does a Victim Mentality Mean?

"It’s not my fault. " Someone who acts from a place of victimhood claims things that happen to them are the fault of someone or something other than themselves. It might be the fault of their partner, family, co-worker, friend, or "the way the world is." They ferquently complain about the bad things that happen in their lives. They are reluctant to take personal responsibility, asserting that the circumstances aren’t in their control.

It’s not a martyr complex. Victim mentality can sometimes be confused with a martyr complex. They are two similar behaviors, but there are some differences. Victims take things personally. Even if a comment or statement wasn’t directed at them, they will still absorb it as if it was. "What did I do to deserve this?" is a common question for them.

On the other hand, a person with a martyr complex will often go out of their way to take on extra tasks for other people, even if they don’t want to. They sacrifice themselves for others yet often feel resentful after the fact.  

Unhealthy coping mechanisms. People who have a victim mentality have often suffered through trauma or hard times, but haven’t developed a healthier way to cope. As a result, they develop a negative view of life, where they feel that they don't have any control over what happens to them. Because they don’t think anything is their fault, they have little or no sense of responsibility for their lives. It just happens to them. 

If someone tries to help or offer solutions, they’re often prepared with a list of reasons why that will not work. People who try to help are often left frustrated and confused. 

Why Be a Victim?

Why do people behave this way? There are some benefits to adapting a victimhood mindset.

No accountability. Being accountable for your life means you’re in the driver’s seat. You take responsibility. That can be scary to someone who has a victim mentality. You would have to admit life isn’t just the result of the actions of others. Taking responsibility bursts the protective bubble of victimhood. 

Secondary gain. Some people’s problems continue because of the secondary benefits. Sympathy, attention, and access to medication or funds are common examples of secondary gain. Someone with a victim mentality might not even realize they are getting these benefits, and often feel truly distressed. 

Satisfies unconscious needs. People with a victim mentality, especially when it comes from past trauma, unconsciously seek validation and help from others. They play the “poor me” card consistently. This can generate sympathy and help from others. 

Avoid taking risks. Projecting blame on others is a key part of the victim mentality. It’s a way to avoid being truly vulnerable and taking risks.   

Signs You Have a Victimhood Mindset

It’s normal to be unsatisfied in some parts of your life. But it’s important to look at the bigger picture. If you notice similar patterns across different areas of your life, you might have a victim mentality.  

The first step to solving a problem is to identify and acknowledge it. Look for these signs in yourself to see if you might have adopted a victim mentality: 

  • ‌You blame others for the way your life is
  • ‌You truly think life is against you 
  • ‌You have trouble coping with problems in your life and feel powerless against them 
  • ‌You feel stuck in life and approach things with a negative attitude 
  • ‌You feel attacked when someone tries to offer helpful feedback 
  • ‌Feeling bad for yourself gives you relief or pleasure
  • ‌You attract people who blame others and complain about their life 
  • ‌It’s difficult for you to examine yourself and make changes

How to Stop Being the Victim

Victim mentality is learned behavior. 

In other words, it’s not something you’re born with. It's something you learn in a social environment. It could be learned from family members or the result of trauma. However, you have the power to overcome it. Take the first steps in the following ways. 

Take responsibility. You are the only one who controls your actions. You might not be able to control others, but you control how you react to them. You control who you spend your time with, and where. Realize your potential and get in the driver’s seat of your life. 

Self-care and compassion. Victim mentalities are subconsciously adopted as a way to cope, often from past trauma. Be compassionate to yourself in your recovery. Practice self-care and self-love. Journaling can be a helpful tool to work through your feelings. 

Start saying no. You can say no to something you don’t want to do. It’s okay. Even if other people feel you are letting them down, take care of your energy and prioritize yourself.  

Educate yourself. Read books about the victim mentality and how it affects your life. Consider seeking therapy. The more you educate yourself on the topic, the more likely you are to stay on track with your recovery and avoid going back to your old way of thinking.  

The Victim Personality | Psychology Today

Source: via Pixabay

We all know that person. Every bad thing that happens to them. They seem self-absorbed, but in a strangely negative way. The world is out to get them. It’s not paranoia, but it can seem delusional with the way they constantly interpret things as being intentional to harm and punish them. Nothing is ever really their fault, because of all the bad things that happen to them. And they aren’t responsible for the bad things they do, because they’ve been through so much, and they are just getting some of theirs back. In 2014, I wrote about the rise of the culture of victimhood, which incentivizes and reinforces the perception of oneself as a perpetual victim.

Now, researchers have published research that suggests that seeing oneself as a victim may actually be a distinct and stable aspect of personality. Israeli researchers Gabay, Hameirio, Rubel-Lifschitz, and Nadler conducted a set of eight separate studies to identify, test, and measure a personality construct they term “Tendency for Interpersonal Victimhood,” or TIV.

They define TIV as an “enduring feeling that the self is a victim across different kinds of interpersonal relationships.” The researchers identify several core components of TIV, including:

  • Need for recognition – whereby individuals have a high level of need for their victimization to be seen and recognized by others
  • Moral elitism – seeing oneself as morally pure or “immaculate,” and seeing those who oppose, criticize or “victimize” oneself as completely and totally immoral and unjust
  • Lack of empathy – having little empathy or concern for the suffering of others, because your own victimhood is so much greater than the suffering of others. Also includes an entitlement to act selfishly or harmfully towards others, without recognizing their pain or experience
  • Rumination – a strong tendency to brood and remain extremely fixated on times, ways, and relationships where they experienced victimization and being taken advantage of

The researchers found that the construct of TIV was replicated across different populations and samples, and remained stable across time. Further, they found that people high in TIV attended to negative aspects of interpersonal relationships far more than others. They were much more likely to attribute negative intentions or maliciousness to the actions of others, and were much more likely to recall or remember the negative things, compared to positives. They tended to attribute negatives to other people, and rarely to themselves.

In a laboratory model that explores interpersonal relationships using game theory, participants played “The Dictator Game” on the computer, where they thought they were playing against another person, but were actually playing against the computer. In one of the test conditions, participants were told that their “opponent” had been selfish, keeping almost all the money in the game for themselves and depriving the participant. When individuals were high in TIV, they engaged in higher levels of revenge-seeking responses to their opponent, taking money away from their opponent even when they knew that they themselves would not “get” the money in the game. The stronger the negative emotions the participants felt, the more likely they were to engage in revenge-seeking behaviors.

Source: via Pixabay

Individuals who were high in the tendency to see themselves as victims felt feelings of hurt more intensely, felt that hurt for longer, and were more likely to recall that hurt at later times. They responded more strongly to negative stimuli. People who saw themselves as enduring victims were more likely to hold grudges, to seek revenge, and to feel entitled to engage in immoral behaviors in order to punish others. They seem to see people who “victimize” them as “all bad,” which justifies the vengeance that is meted out.

People high in TIV tended to have attachment styles that were more anxious, but were less likely to be avoidant in relationships. So, they may worry they will be harmed or exploited in relationships, but not avoid relationships or interpersonal connections. The relationship between seeing oneself as a victim and a history of actual trauma was unclear in this research.

Applying this research clinically may be valuable, potentially helping to unpack and challenge the core assumptions and overfocus on the negative that underlie and feed the self-identity as a victim. Positive psychology, motivational interviewing, and acceptance and commitment therapy strategies all offer interventions to help people explore behaviors and values, and to reinforce the positives. Perhaps, by helping people who feel that they are victims to focus on, or even acknowledge, potential positive interpretations, and to empathize with others, the negative effects of victimhood personality may be mediated.

Facebook image: Prostock-studio/Shutterstock

Personality type 'Victim'

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A victim tends to get into offending relationships. He would be happy to find a "good" partner, but he does not succeed.

There is a temptation to label him a "true masochist" - a person who "needs" punishment - but I don't think that's the case. People-"victims" are unhappy, like anyone else in their place. They differ from the majority only in that childhood taught them too cruel a lesson.

Not the same

My client Lee, an attractive 40-year-old office manager, has been married twice and experienced violence both times. Her first husband worked in a sporting goods store. He was "charming, like all of them" but "really mean when you get to know him." He never physically attacked Lee, but constantly humiliated her.

There were moments when he just went berserk and started screaming. I did everything wrong. I'm a fool. I am like a cow. Because of me, he didn't become a store manager because the baby was crying and he couldn't get enough sleep. It was very bad for self-esteem.

After several betrayals, he left Lee with his young son and went to a "more athletic" colleague.

Second husband, sales agent...

...seemed like a real knight on a white horse, because he took me with a child. But he had a serious problem with alcohol. In addition, unlike Wallace, he sometimes allowed himself to hit me, but only drunk. I tolerated it for four years. When he was sober, it seemed to me that everything would work out, but such periods lasted a maximum of a couple of days. When he started attacking Richie, I left.

After another five years, she finally decided to see a psychotherapist. The reason was depression: Li had an affair for almost two years with a married man, an engineer at the factory where she worked.

I have no illusions left. Brock won't leave his wife for me. He doesn't spend as much time with me as he used to, and I'm pretty sure he's dating another co-worker. Of course, he denies everything, but he has no faith. The bad news is that I still want it. I'm being asked out on dates by other men, but it's not the same. Instead of looking around and finding someone normal, I suffer for Brock.

During our first conversation, I found out that connections with men who abused and neglected her began in high school. Obviously, she got bogged down in the most painful and destructive type of behavior of the “weak”.

Childhood

Most of the eternal "weak" one of the parents was a rigid dominant person, and the other was a passive person. Remarkable in the "weak" - "victims" is precisely the price they had to pay in order to win the approval of the dominant parent. Lee was no exception.

My father was a real tyrant. He had a very hard physical job at the shipyard, and he usually came back drunk and angry. It seems to me that he did not get along with the boss, so at home he first of all wanted to kick the dog and anyone in general. He knew how to find reasons, and everyone was always to blame, except for him. Even if a tire burst. The most terrible childhood memory is when he was looking for a bottle of whiskey, which, as he thought, must be somewhere. At first he blamed his mother. Then my sister objected to something and immediately paid for it. He attacked her, one of the brothers tried to stop him and also got his own. I could not stand it and lied that I accidentally broke the bottle. He yelled at me, but said that I was the only decent person in the whole house.

The Li family was not just dysfunctional, it was led by a person who had the most important quality of a "victim" parent. He was an "externalizer", that is, a person who attributed the blame for events to external factors, to other people, but never to himself.

The child who is desperate to win the approval of such a "caregiver" learns to take the blame. In a dangerous world, the eternally accused little man gradually comes to the conclusion that he is really to blame for something. The parent is an authoritative person and will not just blame. Like other "weak" types, these children get used to the fact that being defensive means asking for punishment - verbal or physical. At the same time, the recognition of guilt - deserved or not - allows you to get as close as possible to the approval of the "externalizing" parent. In addition, a confession grants a reprieve from a more severe punishment. The price of approval in such an environment is an admission of guilt.

It is difficult to imagine that a "victim" with such a difficult past can develop any strengths in interpersonal interactions. Often the qualities of a leader are completely hidden under the emotional turmoil from an unhealthy relationship. But one has only to look at the results of his communication with the aggressive parent to see where the power lies and why the aggressor and the victim find each other so easily.

The specialty of the "weak" - "victim" - a master of defusing the situation. As a child, he served as a lightning rod for the irrational anger of an explosive parent. By taking the blame on himself, he is able to block an attack of aggression and proves that he is useful to an angry adult “externalizer”. Unfortunately, this act itself, which makes the “victim” feel needed, makes him feel bad about himself and believe that he deserves to be treated badly.

On the interpersonal circle "victim" corresponds to an overdeveloped sense of modesty. It, without healthy self-confidence, leads to insufficient self-respect, a tendency to recognize "I myself am to blame." An overly modest child believes that he both provokes anger and removes it.

Love

Because "victims" seem to deliberately avoid "good" people and choose fickle, aggressive partners, many psychotherapists consider them masochists. At first glance, Lee's relationship model also fits into this pattern. She even admitted that during the unsuccessful relationship with Brock, she rejected the advances of others.

However, from my point of view, masochism has absolutely nothing to do with it. There are several other powerful factors at work here. First of all, the self-esteem of the “victim” is greatly underestimated. She considers herself a bad person and is convinced that she does not deserve a "good" partner. (As Groucho Marx aptly put it, "I don't want to be a member of a club that accepts people like me.") The "victim" lacks self-confidence, which greatly weakens its appeal, and "good" candidates feel it.

Another factor comes into play during the search for a romantic partner and goes well with the passion trap. An externalizer who blames others and looks for someone to blame his problems on, can seem charming and interesting when he finds the right partner for him. He knows how to present himself, because he usually has something to hide, and this makes him very seductive for the “weak” who is tired of emotional fireworks. But in fact, the “externalizer” needs a person who will dutifully endure his anger and irritation. The passion trap fits in perfectly with this scheme, as the “victim” feels that he cannot control the unbalanced partner, and his pain is colored by passion. This can be tragically addictive.

Recipe for harmony

If there is aggression in your relationship, I strongly recommend that you immediately seek professional help. An unbalanced relationship is difficult enough to deal with, even when it is not there. However, when it is present, fear and real danger give a sense of hopelessness. I assure you, there are many more options than you can imagine. A good therapist will help you see them and use them.

If you're not sure if a situation is aggressive, ask a trusted friend, relative, or doctor. Or try an exercise that will help you be more objective: imagine how you would react if another person were to find themselves in the same circumstances? Don't you think he puts up with too much? If this person is important to you, won't you worry about him? Or maybe you would advise to break off the relationship? If so, it's time to act.

If you have repeatedly found yourself in the position of "victim", it's time to reconsider your approach to relationships.

First of all, be careful with the handsome Romeos who turn your head with their unpredictable actions. Such men appear to be very romantic, but as I will discuss in the next chapter, they often lack interpersonal skills such as sensitivity and modesty. The first intoxication with passion that such a person inspires should not be the only reason for a relationship. Moreover, passion does not justify the boundless patience with which you endure neglect and aggression. The attraction you feel for not being able to influence an aggressive partner is a dangerous side effect of the passion trap.

Second, give a good person a chance. At first, it may seem “wrong” to you, because, in your opinion, you do not deserve a good relationship. You may feel like he doesn't see the best in you. But spending time together will allow you to feel comfortable with him and begin to gain new interpersonal abilities.

When your relationship shows signs of aggression, challenge the motto you learned as a child: "I'm always to blame. " Because of him, you are convinced that you yourself are to blame for the abuse and you yourself should try to fix the relationship. If that doesn't work, then you probably deserve to be treated badly. Living up to this motto allows your partner to be aggressive and makes you feel bad about yourself.

Therefore, it is absolutely necessary for you to replace the old motto with the new one: "I deserve love and respect, like any other person." It will help you boost your self-esteem and get rid of self-blaming behavior patterns. The new motto will draw a line that a partner should not cross, and show whether the relationship needs to be ended, and if so, when is the best time to do it.

During her therapy sessions, Lee learned to be compassionate with herself, to fight the tendency to blame herself for all troubles, and to identify emotional imbalances.

After learning about the passion trap, she understood why the "bad" guys seemed more attractive to her than the "good" ones, and why this attraction came at such a high price. After weeks of practice, planning, and rehearsals, she decided it was time to have a serious talk with Brock. When he again suggested "meeting", she used the method of communication without accusations and told him that everything was over between them. She bluntly said that their romance did not meet her needs, and, despite his protests, remained unconvinced.

Then she confessed: “It was one of the most difficult moments in my life. But defending yourself is a wonderful feeling.”

A few months later, Li met a decent man and started dating him. It was indeed a little unusual for her that romantic feelings develop slowly. “I'm used to a flash of strong passion, but this time the sensations are more meaningful. Does this mean I'm starting to like myself?"

See Library: Dean Delis. Passion Paradox .

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The Victim Phenomenon or 'Role Victimization Type' - Take an online test

A victim is a psychologically victimized person, endowed with a set of victim properties due to a complex of specific social, individual-typological and characterological determinants that contribute to personality and behavioral deviations.

Psychological victimization - the predisposition of an individual, due to specific individual psychological characteristics, to produce one or another type of behavior of the victim, expressed in the position or status of the victim, as well as in their dynamic embodiment: playing or social role of the victim .

The playing role of the victim is a unit of analysis of free, situational, mutually beneficial, and easily accepted by members of interpersonal interaction of role relations, consistent with the internal characteristics of a psychologically victimized individual (demonstrativeness, infantilism, manipulativeness, etc.), having in their based on hidden motivation, and harmoniously fit into the situation being played. the playing role through the emotional-cognitive process of identifying oneself with the victim leads to the assimilation of the personal meanings of the latter and causes appropriate behavior. The playing role of the victim allows a person to use an external resource to protect an internal problem, allows him to manipulate others, trying to get the support that, according to his own assumptions, the individual needs. The main characteristics of the playing role of the victim include infantilism, demonstrativeness, fear of responsibility, externality, rental attitudes, and the art of manipulation. It should be noted the special plasticity of the playing role of the victim, which contributes to good adaptation.

Position of the victim - the embodiment of the playing role of the victim , a stable formation, characterized by a set of entrenched rental attitudes, which, with an increase in the strength of the playing role, is subject to gradual destruction. All characteristics characteristic of individuals with the playing role of the victim are preserved, consolidated, sharpened, acquire an accentuated, expressive character. The individual increasingly demonstrates his suffering and unhappiness, constantly complains, is prone to blaming others, believes that life is unfair to him, and in every possible way seeks to attract attention and help from others with the help of manipulations. Shows aggression if it is not possible to achieve the desired.

The social role of the victim is a unit of analysis of imposed (prescribed), but situational relations that contribute to the stigmatization of the individual, deforming the possibilities of building his life activity for the near and long term. The social role of the victim involves any type of outsider (scapegoat, ugly duckling, white crow, etc.). Such an individual does not leave the feeling that he is an outcast, the world around him seems hostile, he feels lonely and unnecessary and suffers deeply about this. The tendency to blame circumstances for what happened is combined with self-accusations, very touchy. Considers other people more attractive and more successful than himself. A person in this role is motivated to free himself from the destructive influence of the label. Unlike the playing role of the victim, the social role lacks a manipulative component. in addition, such an individual is less flexible in relations with other people, it is more difficult to adapt in society.

The status of a victim is the embodiment of the social role of the victim , a solid formation, including a set of rental attitudes, which, with the strengthening of the main characteristics of the social role, are fixed in the individual's behavior model, and contribute to the deformation of personality and behavior. The status of a victim is created by predetermined norms, stereotypes and has a significant impact on the whole way of life of a person. Such a person considers himself a failure and blames others for his own misfortunes. Experiencing his isolation, he gets used to it and believes that loneliness is his fate. I'm not sure I can change my life.

Further, based on the main types of victim described by us, two scales characterizing the manifestation of role-based victimhood were identified: “the playing role of the victim” and “the social role of the victim”, which, with the strengthening of characteristics and fixation in the behavior model, pass into the “position of the victim” or "victim status". we have compiled questions that characterize the degree of severity of psychological victimization, characteristic of a particular role of the victim.

The questions are formulated very simply and clearly for people with different levels of education.

The Role Victimization Questionnaire is designed to examine mentally healthy people aged 14 years and over, regardless of their level of education and professional preferences. The subject is presented with a standard instruction and a list of questions in tabular form. The instruction does not limit the time for thinking about the answers, however, it should be recalled that the first answer that comes to mind is the most correct one. The researcher explains that the subjects are asked to answer questions by describing themselves and their behavior as it really is. Answer honestly, it will help you get to know yourself better. It should be recalled that there cannot be fundamentally “good” or “bad” answers. Practice shows that an average of 8-10 minutes is spent on working with a questionnaire. Thanks to clearly drawn up instructions, the subjects can work with the questionnaire on their own. The key to processing the results of the questionnaire is a simple calculation of scores for even and odd items of the questionnaire. All even items of the questionnaire are "responsible" for the severity of the social role of the victim, respectively, all odd items - for the severity of the playing role of the victim. The total number of points scored by the subjects characterizes the general level of role victimization. The higher this indicator, the more pronounced role victimization in the behavior of the subject.

Thus, the Type of Role Victimization questionnaire is designed to identify an individual's predisposition to produce one or another type of victim behavior, which is expressed in the victim's social or play role. It is a tool for analyzing, rather, latent victimhood, which manifests itself not only in difficult life situations, but also in everyday life. A psychologist who uses the questionnaire in his professional activities should remember that role-based victimhood, manifested in the playing and social roles of the victim, also has a number of resource aspects in its content (creativity, a tendency to deep reflection, etc.

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