Tips for a successful marriage
21 Key Secrets to a Successful Marriage
Wouldn’t you like to know the secret sauce to a happy and long-lasting marriage, especially from those happily married couples who have aced the art of leading a happy relationship?
We unveil 21 keys to a successful marriage that will help you problem-solve the marital issues, disarm the conflicting partner and help you create and maintain a successful marriage.
Whether you are a newlywed or refer to yourselves as ‘old Ball ‘n’ Chain,’ every marriage has its share of ups and downs. While it may sound cliché, lulls and patterns of mundanity are natural to the ebb and flow of married life.
Periods of stress, boredom, and poor communication are part of the course.
“Marriage takes work.”
Marriage does take work, and like anything else in life, you have to do the work to reap the reward. But the work of marriage is not like cleaning the toilet and taking out the trash.
Also Try: Am I Happy In My Relationship QuizWhat does a successful marriage mean to you?
Marriage is a union of two souls, yet the meaning of successful marriage differs from couple to couple. There is no clear definition of a successful marriage. However, here are some standard definitions of a successful marriage.
For some people, a successful marriage means having a good wife. For some marrying, a virtuous woman who will take care of their husband and support him at all costs is what makes a marriage successful.
Related Reading: 20 Qualities of a Good Wife2. Raising a moral family
Some people believe that marriage is the union of two people and the family. They believe as a citizen of society, and they need to raise their kids morally upright.
They believe that if they can raise their children right, society will have better people, and for them, it is the definition of a successful marriage.
3. One with effective communicationSome people believe that clear communication and companionship are the keys to a successful marriage. These people are convinced that talking to each other without reservation and hiding no secrets makes a marriage successful.
Related Reading: 16 Principles for Effective Communication in Marriage4. Living as friends
If you are looking for a simple secret to a happy marriage, this might be it. This is one of the most talked-about definitions of a successful marriage. Some people firmly believe that sharing life as friends is the ultimate key to a successful marriage.
5. Unconditional love and understandingAnother common definition of a successful marriage is commitment, responsibility, and sacrifice. Some people believe that good understanding and unconditional love are the keys to a successful marriage. Accept your partner with flaws and understand that nobody is perfect.
What are the most important things in a marriage?If you are looking for the recipe for a happy marriage, you must understand the essential things in marriage that help keep the relationship healthier. Here are some elements of a successful marriage you should consider if you want to fall under happily married couples.
Believe it or not, communication is the key to a happy marriage. Make sure that you always communicate clearly about what you want and expect. Remember that good communication is what makes a marriage successful.
Related Reading: Good Communication Basics2. Respect
There should be mutual respect in marriage. Without respect, marriage can be toxic and stressful. It would help if you eliminated anything that can lead your partner to disrespect you and vice versa. Understand your partner’s perspective and try to work around that.
Having a different opinion but still understanding where your partner is coming from is an excellent way to show your respect towards your partner.
3. Setting BoundariesAnother important key to a successful marriage is setting personal boundaries without hesitation. You should keep an individual life and take out some time for yourself. You may be going on dates for five days a week, but you should also be able to meet with your friends and family often.
All successful marriages need mutual and unbreakable trust between partners. Although it takes time to build that kind of trust, you have to put in efforts right from the start.
5. SupportHaving a supportive partner makes every marriage happy and successful. It is absolutely important to have a partner who believes in you and supports you unconditionally.
21 Key secrets to a successful marriageThe effort that goes into a successful marriage (read happy, functional, and fulfilling) is the type of work that can be fun and therapeutic.
Read on to know their 21 keys to a successful and happy marriage.
1. Be independentIndependence was rated extremely important in a marriage. To be happy in a relationship, we must be happy first. That is, in fact, the key to a successful relationship. With that in mind, wives and husbands must continue to take out time for themselves, enjoy their hobbies, and in general, spend some time apart.
Not only does absence make the heart grow fonder, but in the time we spend alone, we get to reunite with our spiritual side, re-establish our sense of self, and check-in with the progress of our personal preferences, goals, and achievements.
On the other hand, being dependent weakens your resolve and ability to move forward as a free thinker.
When we maintain our independent sense of self, we will always have something to talk about at the dinner table, and we are forever stronger, healthier, and more attractive to our partners.
Related Reading: Why Is It Important to Be Independent in a Relationship?2. Be a good listener
We need to talk. Most partners dread this sentence but do you know that if you are wondering how to have a successful marriage, then creating a platform for healthy conversations is the way to go?
While all women should work on active listening, we emphasize this as an area of special attention for men.
Too often, men do not realize that all their partner needs from them is a listening ear.
This is due to their programming and how they are taught to relate to others.
Remember that listening and hearing are not the same things. Listening involves our hearts. Open yours, hear what she says, look at her while she speaks, paraphrase even, and reassure.
Listening is the real key to a happy marriage, for that matter, to every relationship.
Related Reading: 4 Tips to Be a Better Listener in a Relationship- Why It Matters3. Agree to disagree
Being good together does not mean that couples agree on every little thing. Most of the couples we interviewed had varying attitudes, opinions, and belief systems; and even held opposing views on major areas in some cases.
All couples should have some level of disagreement somewhere. Successful, loving couples respected the point of view of one another and even had a sense of humor over their points of contention.
Remember, respect is one of the major tips for a successful marriage. Recognize two opposite views; one of them does not have to be correct.
4. CommunicateThere are several books out there on the Languages of Love. This was developed of the concept in psychology that each individual has their unique way of communicating love.
By knowing your partner’s preferences and hobbies, metaphors can be used to communicate something the person understands well.
Observe the physical way your partner shows love, and you’ll know what makes a successful marriage.
This could be, washing your car or picking up the kids. It could be keeping the toiletries stocked and ironing his shirts. For others, it’s words, letters, and affection.
Our advice for a successful marriage? Figure out your partner’s love language so you will always know how to speak to them. Love languages are often talked about, but couples don’t pay as much attention to this as they should.
Understanding a partner’s love language is the secret to a happy relationship.
Related Reading: 5 Effective Strategies For Communicating With Your Spouse5. Forgive each other
This can be one of the most complex keys to embrace, especially if you typically hold a grudge. This key goes hand-in-hand with praying together and offering grace.
Forgiveness is an extension of both of those keys. Take a deep breath and forgive your husband for not remembering to stop and grab milk. Forgive your wife for shrinking your shirt.
Forgiveness can transform your marriage, but it takes time and patience with yourself and your partner to look at them and tell them that you forgive them for hurting you in the past.
But if you can forgive your partner, you can move forward together without anger or frustration, and that past pain can begin to heal.
Start small if you can and work up to those big situations. Forgiveness is a powerful tool in marriage and will help you have a more successful marriage this year.
To practice forgiveness here is an educational video that will help you decode one of the keys to a successful marriage:
6. AcceptanceA major relationship killer, lack of acceptance, is a trait more commonly attributed to women known for their nagging. Remember, you married your partner for who he was then and now. Even if we wanted to change him now, we can’t.
The key to a successful marriage lies in realizing this as soon as possible.
When urging or persuading him, you only focus on his weaknesses or problems. Change your perspective immediately and start focusing on positive traits instead.
7. Take responsibilityIt is that easy and one of the secrets of a successful marriage. When you participate in a project, take responsibility for your successes and failures.
When you and your partner have a disagreement or argument, remember to take responsibility for your actions, including anything you did or said, especially if it was hurtful, unthoughtful, or created adversity.
Related Reading: Why Is Accepting Responsibilities in a Relationship Important?8. Never take one another for granted
Taking one another for granted may be the most toxic pathogen of all. Once they are comfortable, it is easy for couples to slip into a complacent state – and expectations form.
This is only a matter of human nature, as we get comfortable with what is familiar, but in marriage, you absolutely should never come to a place where you take your partner for granted.
Pledge to respect your partner indefinitely no matter what. Avoid assumptions, and offer to do nice things for your partner whenever possible. Most successful marriages have partners who vouch for this.
9. Date nightAmong the other tips for a successful marriage, dating is the most ignored and overlooked by couples.
It does not matter what a couple does on their date night.
Simply having a night when they spend their time with each other strengthens the bond and maintains it over time. When you have a date night, you should turn your phones off and put them away, so you are free of distractions.
Watch a movie at home with popcorn or go hiking or rollerblading together. Change it up often and be helpful and cheerful for one another. A romantic and thoughtful date night is not just one of the steps to a successful marriage.
It is important to schedule this monthly, if not weekly, to maintain accountability and establish a pattern of importance regarding date night.
Related Reading: Romantic Date Night Ideas Without Breaking Your Wallet10. Add romance
Wondering how to make a marriage successful? Go old school with your romance. Romantic acts can be many – try giving her a flower someday or place a love note in his briefcase or backpack.
Surprise him with his favorite meal, or watch the sunset together.
There is no shortage of marriage tips and ideas, and you’ll be amazed at how far a little romance goes toward strengthening the relationship.
11. Keep intimacy aliveSex is very important to a healthy marriage. Sex should be regular, and therapists suggest doing it even when you’re not in the mood!
We suggest keeping it interesting by talking about what pleases you and adding any fantasy role-playing, positions, or bedroom props you may want to introduce to keep it exciting.
After all, what is a successful marriage if it doesn’t let you get what you desire?
Life coach Giovanni Maccarrone talks about how making this one conscious decision before getting married can help make a marriage successful.
12. Compliments“A compliment a day keeps the divorce attorney away.” Acknowledging your partner’s positive attributes every day, and paying compliments, will go a long way in your relationships.
Stay positive, and keep track of what your partner does well.
When the going gets rough, and his not-so-great attributes come forward, rather than focusing on the negative, try switching gears, and point out the positive stuff instead.
13. Look for the soft emotionBehind every “hard” emotion is a soft one; psychologists teach this concept.
When we feel anger, it’s usually masking another emotion behind it, such as sadness, disappointment, or jealousy.
We often use anger as a disguise to protect our vulnerabilities.
Looking for the “soft” or vulnerable emotions underneath someone’s complex display of anger will help keep you connected as you are better equipped to empathize with that person’s genuine emotion.
We are often searching for marriage tips for a successful relationship. Still, We fail to realize that a simple thing such as identifying the reality of emotions can keep us on the right track.
14. Let go of the fantasyUnfortunately, we are socialized to believe in fairytale endings, and we may carry some false perspectives on reality into adulthood.
We need to recognize that, while marriage can be a beautiful thing, it is not effortless, nor will it ever be perfect.
Have realistic expectations and do not fall victim to the fairy tale – you may find yourself sorely disappointed. This is not only one of the most important keys to a successful marriage but plays a massive role in your happiness as an individual too.
15. Do not controlMarried people often come to a place where they start to lose themselves, they give in to jealousy or feelings of inadequacy, or they forget that they are separate people away from their partners, and they may try to control their partners.
Most of the time, this is done inadvertently, as expectations may grow over time.
What makes a marriage successful are communication, independent time, and healthy indulgences that will keep any couple on track. If you sense you are being controlled or are the controller, get a handle on it or make an appointment for a family counselor.
Presuming you don’t want to get a divorce, don’t threaten to. Couples using the D-word or talking about separation during fights use this as a control mechanism. Couples using it threateningly are more likely to see Divorce come to fruition.
Making threats is not a mature strategy for solving any problem, so don’t do it.
17. Pray togetherThis is one of those keys that takes so little time from jampacked days but gives you space to breathe together.
Before bed each night or right after you tuck the little ones into bed and say prayers with them, pray with your partner.
Take a few minutes to offer thanks and grace to God and each other. These quiet moments when you invite God into your marriage helps to strengthen your emotional connection to God and your partner.
Related Reading: How to Pray With Your Spouse: 8 Steps & Benefits18. Offer grace to each other
If you’re like me, you are relatively quick to offer grace to the people we work with each day or to our children when they make mistakes.
Too often, we hold grudges or harbor anger with our partners rather than offering them that same grace that flows so easily in many other areas of our lives.
Our partner often take the brunt of our frustrations and setbacks, and we forget that we have to also seek the good in them.
My wife didn’t mean to leave the dirty dishes in the sink overnight; she fell asleep after putting our daughter to bed. Instead of grumbling about the dishes, you need to offer her grace. Load the dishwasher and maybe bring her a cup of coffee too.
‘Being quick to grace and not to frustration’ goes a long way to setting our marriages up for success.
19. Have patience for each otherParenting books talk about how children often behave the worst for their parents because they are most comfortable and safe at home. The same holds for successful marriages.
We often show our worst sides to our partner because we are comfortable and safe with them.
That can often look like frustration and a severe lack of patience.
We get frustrated when they take forever in the shower or when they aren’t home at the exact time they said. Remember, this is the person you love most in the world. Grant them the same patience you grant to your toddler at the very least.
20. Respect each other (in private and in public)One of the highest compliments you can give to another person is to have them hear that you have been singing their praises to others when they aren’t even there.
When you are out and about professionally or socially, respect your partner by singing their praises in conversations. Also, respect your partner through your actions, both in public and private.
If you said you would be home by 5, be home by 5 (as often as you can). If you are running late, respect your partner enough to call.
In private, respect your partner by speaking to them as if they matter to you. Sing their praises in front of your children.
Listen to them when they tell you about their day. It is such a simple gesture, and it matters.
It is important to know your partner’s hopes and dreams. This new year is a great time to talk about your goals.
When your partner shares their goals and resolutions with you, please encourage them to accomplish them. Make their goals as necessary as your own.
Be their biggest cheerleader, and do your best to help them and give them the space they need to meet their goals for the year. This also works for the goals you set together.
How can you push and support each other to be the best version of yourselves that you can be? Make your individual and couple goals a priority and celebrate your progress throughout the year.
ConclusionMost happy couples swear by these successful marriage tips. Follow these keys to a successful marriage, and you will be able to save your marriage and enjoy a highly successful one.
25 Marriage Tips From Couples Who’ve Been Together 25+ Years
Marriage advice is easy to ignore until you need it. Who hasn’t rolled their eyes at such trite aphorisms as “Say sorry even if you don’t mean it” or “Don’t go to bed angry”? These phrases tend to leak out of people’s mouths around weddings and anniversaries but are barely helpful. True, lived-in advice for a long, happy marriage isn’t so tidy because neither are relationships.
So, what is some honest, authentic marriage advice from couples who’ve been through the long haul? We recently asked 25 people who have been married for 25 plus years about what makes their relationship work. Clichés didn’t enter the equation. Instead, their answers reflected a simple truth: long-term relationships are both easy and hard, but made better by honesty, fun, and a shared sense of unity.
They urged communication and clarity. They underscored the importance of shared meals and spicing things up with dirty jokes. They emphasized appreciation and attention to detail.
Here’s what’s helped them stay together for the long run.
1. Accept and Allow
“This is a mantra I picked up early on in our marriage, and it’s one my husband and I have come to live by. I forget where I heard it, but it’s basically a nice way of saying, ‘You knew who your partner was when you got married, and you can’t change them.’ There were many things I wished I could change about my husband after we’d been married for a little while. But I realized I loved him, and it was a waste of time to dwell on them. I needed to accept him for who he was, and allow him to be himself. That doesn’t mean we can’t get upset, or voice concerns. It just means that we’re committed unconditionally to the person we married, even when they drive us crazy.” – Lynne, 62, Florida (married 31 years)
2. Imagine Life Without Your Partner
“My wife and I talk about this all the time. We imagine what our toughest days would be like without each other. Truthfully, we always agree that we’d make it through.
Realistically, we’re each independent and strong enough that we’d be fine. But, it would be terrible. That’s the takeaway: life would be possible without each other, but it wouldn’t be anywhere near as fun, special, or full of great moments. It’s not uncommon for us to ask each other, ‘Can you imagine if I wasn’t here?’ The answer is usually some variation of, ‘Yeah. It would suck. I’m glad you are.’” – Jerry, 56, Maryland (married 30 years)
3. Crack Jokes
“We got married when we were both almost 40, and our sense of humor has gotten more juvenile every year. Maybe it’s just us, but I don’t think so. We laugh at rude noises. We roll our eyes at each other’s terrible jokes. We love raunchy movies. It’s just that primitive, human sense of humor we both have. So many couples seem to lose that the longer they stay married. There’s this weird pressure to become more civilized or dignified as you get older. We never got that memo, it seems. And when it’s just the two of us, we’re usually cracking up.
We’ve stayed in love so long because we’re too busy laughing to be fighting.” – David, 68, Michigan (married 30 years)
4. Don’t Be So Damn Stubborn
“Don’t insist on always having the last word. It’s never not worth it. What you think is a fundamental, bedrock principle might actually be just a personal preference not worth having a spat or holding a grudge about. Be open to that possibility. Even if you get your way, it will take a toll. And if you agree to something, abide by the mutual decision. The loss of trust is also not worth getting your way. We’ve learned to be responsible for and take ownership of our decisions and actions, and we always try to avoid criticizing or guilting. It never helps. Instead, we try to have constructive conversations about specific behaviors that might be troubling, and we’re each willing to listen to each other’s concerns – even if they seem trivial.” – Claude, 68 (married 33 years)
5. Choose Your Own Adventure
“My marriage has never been easy but it’s always been an adventure.
Best advice I can give — getting married is like going to a theme park. Know who you are and what ride you want to go on. If you want to go on the carousel (stability and serenity) marry that. If you want to go on the roller coaster (risk and adventure) don’t marry someone who’s afraid of speed and heights. The key is to know yourself and what you want before you pledge yourself to a partnership. Then, once you’ve found your match, run your marriage like a good company. Identify each person’s strengths and weaknesses, and delegate those responsibilities accordingly..” – Kathleen, 57, Nebraska (married 31 years)
6. You Won’t Always Be on the Same Page
“And that’s okay. Patience and communication are key to any successful relationship, but especially a long-term one. It’s important to remember that you’re not always going to agree about everything. There will be times when you need to listen more than you talk, and times when you need to communicate openly and honestly.
You can do this by making time for each other, even when life gets busy. Whether it’s taking a walk after dinner or spending a weekend away together, do everything you can to keep the bond strong.” – Steve, 49, Arizona (married 26 years)
7. Bite Your Tongue
“My rule is: bite your tongue for at least 24-48 hours after before speaking when tensions are high. If you are overly emotional and/or upset about something, doing so gives you time to cool off and then reflect on the situation with greater space, perspective, calmness, and clarity. If you still want to talk about it, schedule a mutually agreed upon time to do so. Say something like, ‘I am upset about what you just said/did, but I want to think about it before we talk.’ Mentally, you’ll be in a much better place.” – Romy, 52, California (married 26 years)
8. Do the Work
“Everyone has heard the phrase, ‘opposites attract’, but you don’t really hear the phrase, ‘opposites keep people together.
’ They can, though, if you learn how to navigate them. Opposites can create a great deal of conflict over time if you don’t learn how to accept them. It can be a difficult process, but it’s necessary to stay happily married long term. Good marriages don’t just happen. They require a great deal of work and intention. The English language has one word for love. I love my wife and I love spicy food. There is no comparison. Since the term ‘I love you’ is so confusing and vague it makes sense to define what that means to both of you, even if you’re total opposites.” – Monte, 64, Florida (married 40 years)
9. Keep Each Other Guessing
“My husband is a quiet man. Me? Not so much. I was surprised when he told me how much he loves the fact that he never knows what I’m going to do from one minute to the next. And I appreciate his willingness to try different things. As our unofficial ‘social secretary,’ I’ve planned trips where he hasn’t really known where we’re going until we get on the plane.
Our secret really is just keeping our life interesting. Otherwise, life becomes stale and boring. Do something unexpected from time to time and you’ll learn how much you cherish each other’s company.” – Carol, 72, Georgia (married 49 years)
10. Ask for Space When You Need It
“I think many couples are afraid to say, ‘Hey, I need some time alone, away from you.’ They worry that their partner will take it personally, and so they avoid the conversation completely. Early in our courtship, we were very clear with each other about the fact that we wouldn’t survive marriage if we couldn’t each have our own space. So, we’re not shy with each other when we need a breather. Sometimes it’s just a few hours with a good book. Other times, one of us wants to get a coffee and run errands on a Saturday. The key is being respectful about the request, considering any commitments you might have, and using that time to recharge yourself for the betterment of the relationship.” – Curt, 64, South Carolina (married for 36 years)
11.
Learn Each Other’s Love Language“Any act of love done with the best intentions is good, but knowing how your partner prefers to receive those gestures can make them much more special. My wife’s two love languages are quality time and acts of service. Over the course of our marriage, I’ve learned how happy it makes her when I help out around the house. Simple things, like unloading the dishwasher or flipping the laundry, make her so happy. And because I pitch in, and we work as a team, we’re able to spend more quality time together. You can take the tests and stuff to figure out what each other’s love language is. That’s easy. The more fun part is finding out how you can try to speak to your partner using them every day.” – Gene, 54, Massachusetts (married 28 years)
12. Always Kiss Goodnight
“In all of our years of marriage, I think there have been maybe a dozen times my husband and I haven’t kissed each other goodnight. Even when we’ve had terrible, terrible arguments, we always kiss each other on the cheek, or the forehead, just as a way to remind each other that we’ll get through this.
When you don’t want to talk to someone because you’re so angry, it can be hard to say, ‘I love you.’ Sometimes, you just don’t have the voice. But a quick kiss can say a lot, and for us it has.” – Renee, 60, Texas (married 31 years)
13. Never Assume
“If your partner is upset with you, don’t assume you know why. If he’s quiet or down, don’t assume you know why. If you’re upset, don’t assume he knows why. You have to remember that, no matter how connected you both may be, you’re not mind-readers. You need to communicate as clearly as possible, and as frequently as possible. Give each other permission to say you’d rather wait to talk about things, but always let your partner know that you don’t want to assume you know what’s going on.” – Christine, 51, Connecticut (married 26 years)
14. Nurture the Friendship
“Remember that your partner is also your friend. Not every conversation you have should be about life decisions, finances, or being married.
I love my marital relationship with my wife, but I’d dare say I love our friendship more. When we get to spend time together ‘as friends’, we laugh, we joke, and we remember why we’re such a good team. And that helps with our marriage. You wouldn’t want to be on a team without any friends, would you? A marriage is the same idea, and it’s for the rest of your lives. Make sure you always try to make time for that one-of-a-kind friendship.” – William, 57, Colorado (married 30 years)
15. Talk Every Day
“Even if it’s just a hello in the morning, or a goodnight before bed. Or a text or email to say hi. Don’t ever let a day go by that you don’t talk to your spouse. For me, even on our worst days, hearing my husband’s voice is a reassurance. I know he feels the same way. We might not want to speak to each other, but we know that we’re still committed to each other, and we’ll get past whatever spat we’re facing. For both of us, silence is not an option. And because of that, we find our way back to each other every time.
” – Leanne, 49, Nevada (married 25 years)
16. Be Patient With Your Spouse — and Yourself
“You need to be flexible in a marriage. You need to understand that, if you and your partner truly love each other, you’re not deliberately trying to make things difficult. But, inevitably, there will come times when you just can’t agree. In those times, you need to remember that you both are only human. We used to get upset with each other, and then beat ourselves up pretty badly because we’d think, ‘I should be better at this…” And our marriage suffered. It wasn’t until we were able to extend grace to ourselves and each other, and remind ourselves that we are both still learning how to be better every day that we really grew as a couple.” – Ray, 47, New York (married 25 years)
17. Have Your Own Hobbies
“One of the things my wife and I love about each other is our respective passions. She’s an amazing painter, and I love making and building things.
She has a room downstairs where she goes and paints for hours at a time, and I’m always so excited for her to open the door and invite me in to see what she’s created. She feels the same way when I come in from the garage with a newly stained chair, or a birdhouse, or something that I’ve been working on. We love talking to each other about our passions, and they give us so many chances to support each other as husband and wife.” – John, 55, New York (married 35 years)
18. Don’t Look for Flaws
“If you actively look for flaws in your partner, you’ll find them. Because no one is perfect, and they are definitely there. Why would anyone want to look for flaws, right? Well, we both found ourselves doing that during some rough patches in our marriage. It was almost like we were playing ‘Gotcha!’ with each other, trying to prove each other wrong. It took a while to figure out, but we realized that we needed to work together against whatever problem we were facing, instead of using it as an excuse to work against each other.
It wasn’t an easy lesson, but it’s probably the most important one we’ve ever learned for the sake of our marriage.” – Bryan, 48, Indiana (married 26 years)
19. Stay Intimate
“Intimacy is more than physical. And, as you get older, that’s a great thing to realize. It’s holding each other’s hands. It’s making sure to give each other a kiss before you leave in the morning and as soon as you get home at night. It’s turning off your phones for a night, and just enjoying each other’s company. Physically, we’re not where we used to be. We still make love, but I think we both agree that the intimacy we strive for takes place more outside of the bedroom than in it. And it’s kept us very much in love for a long time.” – Natalie, 60, North Carolina (married 35 years)
20. Eat Together
“It sounds like a given, but both my wife and I came from families that never sat down to eat together. When we started dating, we realized that sharing a meal was – and still is – our favorite thing to do.
Breakfast is kind of rushed, and we’re both at work for lunch, but we rarely schedule anything that would disrupt our dinner plans. Even if it’s just crappy take out, and we’ve each still got a lot to do that evening, we commit to sitting down, eating, and enjoying each other’s company for those 20 minutes. It’s a special time for us that’s become the highlight of our days and, for me, our marriage.” – Peter, 56, Georgia (married for 27 years)
21. Show Gratitude
“My husband and I are ‘overthankers’. That’s what we call it. We always go overboard when we show appreciation to someone who’s done something nice for us. And that’s because we both sincerely appreciate a genuine ‘Thank You’. That’s why we make sure, no matter how small or large the gesture, to say it to each other whenever we can. Sometimes it’s obvious, like if one of us gets the other one a gift. Other times, it could be, ‘Thank you for taking the garbage out last night. I appreciate it.’ My husband has taken the garbage out every week for almost 35 years, and I always remember to say, ‘Thank you.
’ It’s a small gesture, but we both appreciate it every time.” – Robin, 60, Arizona (married 34 years)
22. Learn How to Apologize
“You have to remember that there are many reasons to apologize. You can apologize for something you did or didn’t do. You can apologize for something you said or didn’t say. You can apologize just for the sake of wanting to end a disagreement and move on. Apologizing doesn’t necessarily mean you concede or believe what you did was wrong. It means that the situation resulted in something — like hurt feelings or miscommunications — that made your partner feel bad. And that’s the last thing you want to see when you love someone. Not every argument is going to end with one person being right and the other person being wrong. Putting aside that ego so that you can move on and grow stronger is much more important, we think.” – Robert, 63, Michigan (Married 33 years)
23. Communicate Your Needs
“Otherwise, your partner will be guessing.
Or, even worse, your partner will be fretting over the fact that he or she doesn’t know what you’re thinking. My wife and I can both be catastrophic thinkers. If she’s upset about something but doesn’t tell me what it is, I immediately think it’s something I’ve done. And vice versa. And more often than not, it’s something that has nothing to do with me or us. But the mind can play tricks on you and make you start to wonder. You and your partner will thrive as a couple if you can communicate what’s going on as clearly as possible so that, instead of wondering, you can be present for each other and there to offer support.” – Richard, 70, Ohio (married 40 years)
24. Choose Your Stress
“This is great marriage advice and, really, great life advice. You can only handle so much stress in one day, as an individual and as part of a family. As we’ve both gotten older, we’ve realized that we’re more capable of choosing what we want to stress over, and that’s what we do. What might have seemed like a huge deal 20 years ago — an annoying neighbor, or unexpected car trouble, for example — has really been put into perspective by all we’ve gotten through together.
If you can accept that you’ll have stressors in your life, you can train yourself to decide which ones you’ll let affect you and your marriage. And, more importantly, which ones you won’t.” – Karl, 57, Oregon (married 30 years)
“If you start looking at your marriage like a point system, you’re never going to be happy. When we were younger, we would constantly bicker about shared responsibilities. One of us would feel like we did more housework one week, while the other one would feel like they worked longer hours. Or one of us would feel like we didn’t get enough credit for doing X, Y, and Z, while the other didn’t feel enough appreciation for A, B, and C. It was a lose/lose situation. It wasn’t until we realized that we were both working hard to create a good life and a happy household that we stopped nitpicking. Instead, we just helped each other when we could, and did our best to be partners on the same team.” – Alyce, 71 (married 39 years)
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15 secrets of a happy marriage - Lifehacker
April 19, 2016 Life
In real life, you can achieve the same "and they lived happily ever after." Certainly not in a couple of days or months. It will take a lot of constant small actions and decisions, and on the part of both partners. Just do not wait for that joyful day when happiness comes. One must find it daily in simple things and wise attitudes.
1. Do not delay happiness
Often we expect that family happiness will come with buying an apartment, a car, getting a good new job or additional education. No. We must be happy now and with what we have.
2. Be grateful and tell your loved one about it
Gratitude breeds happiness. Even in the most ordinary things, find reasons to be grateful. And most importantly, do not forget to express it. That magic word “thank you” actually works wonders, and we need to use it more often in marriage. “Thank you for what you do for me”, “Thank you for fixing the faucet”, “Thank you for being so sweet”, “Thank you for a delicious dinner” - look for reasons to be grateful, and you will find them.
3. Trust each other
A marriage tormented by jealousy will not last long. Trust your spouse and don't give reasons to distrust you.
4. Avoid quarrels
Quarrels over trifles are the biggest pitfall of marriage. Feel the approach of a quarrel - cool down: take a walk, take a shower, rest. When the emotions subside a bit, you can talk calmly.
5. Show your love physically
Touch each other, hug, kiss, hold hands. Healthy sexual relationships are very important, but don't just focus on them. Any abuse does not lead to good. It destroys romantic love and the natural beauty of intimacy in marriage.
6. Be honest when it comes to finances
Family happiness is impossible if there is misunderstanding, especially when it comes to money.
7. Surprise each other
Do something unexpected: leave a note in your pants pocket; give a flower when you meet her from work; make a small gift; arrange an unexpected romantic dinner or send an SMS with a declaration of love.
8. Compliment each other
Tell us how you like the smile, character, voice, eyes, hair of your loved one. That you appreciate him as a great parent for your child or as a professional at work. Your loved one needs to know that you admire them.
9. Support each other
Support each other in personal and professional projects, on days of illness, sadness or weakness. Help overcome difficulties. Marriage is like a long journey in a fragile boat: if one passenger starts to rock it, the second must keep it afloat, otherwise both will drown.
10. Move in the same direction
Happiness in marriage is possible only if the spouses have the same outlook on life, similar values and interests, behavior and goals.
11. Be who you were when you met
At the beginning of a relationship, we are all amazing, attractive and do thousands of things to show our partner the best of ourselves. After some time, an understanding comes of what kind of person is actually next to us, what his shortcomings are, how he behaves in various situations.
It is natural for mature relationships to develop into marriage.
But after marriage, some people calm down and do not consider it necessary to try to please their loved one. Suddenly feel that most of the time the houses can look untidy, rude and grumpy. Of course, it is difficult to keep the body and face the same as in youth: age and gravity are merciless. Nevertheless, much can be done to remain in a decent physical, intellectual, moral and emotional state. A good marriage is a perpetual motion.
12. Talk
Talk solves problems.
13. Forget about selfishness
Caring for the well-being of a partner is one of the most important moments in achieving family happiness. Put selfishness aside and try to take care of your partner the same way you take care of yourself.
14. Be faithful in thoughts, words and actions
Happiness is a subtle matter. How often marriages have failed because one of the spouses fell in love with someone and could not get it out of his head.
And in the end it ended in a serious mistake. Feel the danger - run from the temptation.
There are always three fools in treason.
Carlos Drummond de Andrade (Aeroporto Carlos Drummond de Andrade)
poet
15. Ask for forgiveness and forgive
We are all imperfect. If you make a mistake, do not waste time, sincerely ask for forgiveness as soon as possible. And when a loved one hurts your feelings, forgive him. For a full life for both spouses, it is important to be able to ask for forgiveness and forgive.
In other words, the main secret of a happy marriage is to do good, to be wise in words, actions and thoughts. Treat your partner the way you want them to treat you. And if you want to realize how a word or decision will affect your marriage, imagine yourself in the place of a partner, and you will understand how to act.
What to do to get married: tips for a successful marriage
18+
Famous TV presenter Roza Syabitova recently visited the VOICE Academy.
She shared with our students tips and secrets of successful relationships with men and talked about what to do to get married.
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Do not self-medicate! In our articles, we collect the latest scientific data and the opinions of authoritative health experts. But remember: only a doctor can diagnose and prescribe treatment.
I have been doing relationship research for 15 years. Being a matchmaker, I popularize this unique profession.
My topic is the period from the moment of acquaintance to the first year of marriage.
Why men get married
Do you want to get married? First you need to understand by what criteria a man evaluates a woman and chooses his wife.
All men have a motivation to get married, just like all women - to get married. Motivation consists of motives, and that's the whole difference. For men, the motive to marry is the last one, and the penultimate one is love. And for women, on the contrary, in the first place - to get married, and sex and everything else comes later. There is a discrepancy, so the task of a woman is to understand that the first motive of a man is to get to know each other. The rearrangement of motives is already a certain work that requires a systematic approach.
What is attractiveness
There are three levels of attractiveness. The first is external attractiveness, it leads to acquaintance. But to keep a man, you need more. After external attractiveness comes intellectual attractiveness. It means that you will let your man teach you something. In third place is emotional attraction, which is based on knowledge of our nature: a woman feels, and a man thinks.
Being next to him, she should only feel, especially at the stage of acquaintance. In addition, she should do what he will never do: she will not put on a dress, earrings ... You should not go on dates in trousers, because a man must be aware that a woman is next to him. Don't forget about compliments and sensuality. A woman is the spirit of the holiday, and a man is its organizer. If you do everything right, in a certain sequence, you will bring the man to the wedding.
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How to get married successfully
A systematic approach says that if you use it, then Cinderella can also be married. By the way, this story should not be viewed as follows: suffer, and then happiness itself will knock on your door, the prince will arrive on a white horse. Not coming! This tale tells about something else: Cinderella was not stupid, and next to her was a fairy godmother who gave wise advice.
