Secret for a long lasting relationship

Long-Lasting Relationship - Hearthside Senior Living

June 27, 2018 by Hearthside Senior Living

What is the secret to a happy and long-lasting marriage? Although this timeless question seems to pop up at every wedding, anniversary, and engagement party, it is still hard to pinpoint an exact answer. Couples differ drastically, and even the best relationships require nurturing and care. If you’re young, in love, and wondering how you can “make it work,” turn to the happy older couples you know and ask them about the secrets to a long-lasting relationship. Seniors can provide wisdom and advice based on many years of experience. For more help, use the tips below.

Communication

If you can’t openly and honestly communicate with your partner, your relationship will suffer. Tell your partner what you want, what you need, what bothers you, how you’re feeling, etc. and ask them to return the favor. However, this doesn’t mean that you should say every thought that pops into your head: be respectful and kind as well. Effective communication can help you move past hardships as a couple, and it can also prevent minor issues from turning into major problems.

Compromise

In a healthy relationship, both people involved must make adjustments to accommodate the other person’s wishes. After all, if one partner gives and gives but never seems to receive anything back, they may feel resentful. You and your partner are independent, unique human beings, so you’re bound to disagree now and then. You must be willing to compromise, sacrificing some control for the health of the relationship. In addition, choose your battles carefully. Don’t have a major argument over something silly and ultimately unimportant.

Connection

Great romantic relationships are built upon strong connections. Beneath everything else, there ought to be a strong bond involving intimacy, friendship, common interests, goals, etc. This connection should give your relationship energy and make you want to spend time together. So if your relationship feels a bit “off,” think about the glue that has held you together all these years. In addition, foster your connection by making time for each other, developing shared interests, and supporting one another.

Commitment

If you want a long-term relationship, both partners need to commit to that shared future. Commitment can be scary, but it is also tremendously important. When both partners are dedicated to making the relationship work, they can effectively move past both little problems (distribution of housework, control of the TV remote) and major issues (snooping into a partner’s e-mail, emotional neglect, etc), because they are committed to staying together.

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The four Cs (communication, compromise, connection, and commitment) are important, but there are many other factors that contribute to the health of an enduring romantic bond. Consider these additional secrets to a long-lasting relationship:

Focus on having fun and making good memories together.
Take on challenges and obstacles together, supporting one another throughout.
Cherish your partner. Don’t be afraid to be “the one who loves the most.”
Fight respectfully. Don’t be a jerk or call your partner names.
Trust your partner, and don’t give in to jealousy or insecurity.
Consciously make an effort to brighten your partner’s day.
Accept that both you and your partner will change over time.

Love isn’t just a matter of luck; it requires dedication and a good attitude. There are many secrets to a long-lasting relationship, but if you make these strategies a habit and share them with your partner, you can build a strong foundation for the future.

Are you looking for an assisted living community in Tennessee? If so, be sure to check out Hearthside Senior Living Place, located in Bartlett, Tennessee. We would be happy to schedule a tour for you so that you can explore the community, meet some of the residents, and ask any questions you might have. For more information, please call 901-854-6590. We look forward to meeting you!

Filed Under: Assisted Living

People Reveal How They Make Their Long-Term Relationship Work

People Reveal How They Make Their Long-Term Relationship Work Search iconA magnifying glass. It indicates, "Click to perform a search". Chevron iconIt indicates an expandable section or menu, or sometimes previous / next navigation options.HOMEPAGE

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Save Article IconA bookmarkShare iconAn curved arrow pointing right. Read in app Long-term relationships require a lot of work, but they can be worth it.

The Office / NBC

There's no denying it— relationships are hard work. But, when you find someone you want to be with long-term, all that hard work becomes infinitely worth it.

When you find the right partner, showing up for each other is key. "You need to look for the random acts of consideration and kindness," psychologist Nikki Martinez tells Bustle. "These are the things that will last you. For example, my toilet paper and paper towels have been magically refilled since a month into dating my husband."

Whether you're single, just beginning a relationship or years in, everyone wants to know the secret to staying happy with someone. It's important to remember that you never see the whole picture when looking at other people's relationships, making it easy to forget the hard work they've put into it.

Sometimes they're willing to share their words of wisdom, luckily these individuals in long-term relationships shared what they do to make it work.

1. "It's really important that we continue to go out of our way for the other."

"We work hard to dedicate time to doing things together ... " Lucky Business/Shutterstock

"We work hard to dedicate time to doing things together because, even though we live together and technically get to see each other every day, it's really important that we continue to go out of our way for the other. " — Ilana

2. "... We both understand the importance of independence and nurturing our personal lives."

" ... He always encourages me to go out with my friends and have a good time. " Spencer Platt/Getty Images

"My boyfriend and I give each other a respectful amount of space to live our lives as young adults while still remaining in a committed relationship. Whenever he wants to hang out with his friends, I try not to give him a hard time. And, he always encourages me to go out with my friends and have a good time. While we love each other and try to spend ample amount of time together, we both understand the importance of independence and nurturing our personal lives." — Nediva

3. "A break once in a while is healthy."

"If we spent every minute of the day together, after 18 years, we would be exhausted." Flickr / stephen bowler

"A break once in a while is healthy. If we spent every minute of the day together, after 18 years, we would be exhausted. My husband and I joke all of the time that we could never work together because all of the time together would be too much.

"Don't get stressed or worried if you find yourself watching television in the bedroom by yourself at night while your partner is in the living room. Little breaks like this are necessary and healthy. It keeps things light and fresh. And even though my husband and I are soulmates, we still have different interests. I don't like any of his television shows and he doesn't like mine, so we don't mind spending time in separate rooms once in awhile watching what we like. It's okay." — Sophia

4. "We always tried to talk things out— the same day, when possible."

"Those nights we went to bed with unresolved conflicts were miserable, and I have no desire to repeat them.

" Joshua Ganderson/flickr

"A lot of things go into keeping our marriage strong ... We remain soul mates and best friends, but our relationship has surely been tested by job losses and changes, long-distance moves, health scares, differences of priorities, differences of entertainment preferences, differences of … well, all the usual suspects.

"That being said, we always tried to talk things out— the same day, when possible. Those nights we went to bed with unresolved conflicts were miserable, and I have no desire to repeat them. When our daughters grew up and left home, new challenges arose— I guess I felt the empty nest syndrome more than I expected. But we've found the things we enjoy together, like walking and talking, traveling and some Netflix mini-binges. And we have made it a priority to try to do the things that are important to each other." — Mike

5. "Honesty and playfulness are the keys to our relationship."

"We are both open about anything that bothers us regarding each others words, actions or even what goes on in the bedroom." Gohengs/Shutterstock

"Honesty and playfulness are the keys to our relationship. We are both open about anything that bothers us regarding each other's words, actions or even what goes on in the bedroom. Plus, we have fun together. We play games and just enjoy each others company." — Nicole

6. "We try to communicate openly and early on when something is bothering us …"

"We use 'I' statements, such as 'I feel irritated when you don't help me with the dishes,' to express our feelings without aggressively blaming the other person." Nika Art/Shutterstock

"My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years and we live together. Perhaps the biggest way we've been able to make it work is through communication of feelings and expectations. We try to communicate openly and early on when something is bothering us, and we use 'I' statements, such as 'I feel irritated when you don't help me with the dishes,' to express our feelings without aggressively blaming the other person.

"We also do our best to communicate our expectations about such things as intimacy or an upcoming event. That way, we have a relatively clear picture of what's to come, we won't cross boundaries, and we're not blindsided." — Holly

7. "No personal insults or any kind of personal attacks— it's kind of a rule."

"We avoid that, because it never leads anywhere good.

" ABC

"We've been married for over 11 years, and one way that we make it work is by always keeping disagreements focused on the topic, and never make them personal. No personal insults or any kind of personal attacks— it's kind of a rule.

"... People remember the insults others say to them, even when the disagreement ends, and that tends to cause resentment and pain. We avoid that, because it never leads anywhere good." — Julie

8. "We still make time each day to talk and emotionally connect."

"To this day, we still have date night even though we are empty nesters.

" Warner Bros.

"The biggest thing we did early in our relationship and still practice to this day is that the relationship must be the priority. There are many other responsibilities, such as kids and careers, but our relationship must come above everything else. To this day, we still have date night even though we are empty nesters. We still make time each day to talk and emotionally connect." — Monte

9. "What works for some doesn't work for all."

"Let your partner have space to breathe!" Lionsgate

"Let your partner have space to breathe! Give them the freedom to move freely while still making clear what you expect out of the relationship … Find your special balance between the two of you and stop looking at other people's relationship as a guide. What works for some doesn't work for all." — Kristi

10. "It has required a great deal of time, effort, serious thought, painful examination, and honest evaluation."

"[Our relationship] is the result of dedicated, diligent, devoted love and work in the same direction over a lengthy period of time." Versta / Shutterstock

"... [Our relationship] is the result of dedicated, diligent, devoted love and work in the same direction over a lengthy period of time. It has required a great deal of time, effort, serious thought, painful examination, and honest evaluation. It has all been worth it and our efforts have been richly rewarded with the relationship with now have." — Jonathan

11. "We make it work by having our next trip planned before the previous one ends so we always have something to look forward to."

"Also, we do a lot of movie nights and little date nights via Skype." Shutterstock/beeboys

"I live in NYC and have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, who lives in Denver, for a year and a half. We make it work by having our next trip planned before the previous one ends so we always have something to look forward to. If we don't do this, we run the risk of letting our jobs and other engagements floods our calendars and take priority over seeing each other. Also, we do a lot of movie nights and little date nights via Skype." — Carrie

12. "It's really easy to bail when things get tough, but what you do during those tough times can really determine the course of a relationship."

"I think choosing to grow together is always going to be harder than just bailing, but it's absolutely worth it." NBCUniversal

"I think part of what makes a relationship last is being a little bit courageous. It's really easy to bail when things get tough, but what you do during those tough times can really determine the course of a relationship. I think choosing to grow together is always going to be harder than just bailing, but it's absolutely worth it." — Lukas

13. "We give each other room to explore and grow."

"We encourage the other to have fun and do things without the other." Evan Agostini/Getty Images

"We have independent interests, friends, and hobbies. We give each other room to explore and grow. We encourage the other to have fun and do things without the other. Both of us feel like having independent interests, friends, and hobbies makes life more interesting and brings diversity to our relationship.

"He's really into music, movies, books, and I'm into video games, food, politics, and economics. He's learning photography and bought a stand-up camera. I'm taking advanced math classes and love talking about relationships." — Anna

14. "Listening to and remembering the little things is what's going to keep you together."

"I think it's honestly about the little things." Netflix

"I think it's honestly about the little things. It's so easy to get comfortable in a relationship after so long because you feel like that person will always be there. You might take them for granted after a while. Listening to and remembering the little things is what's going to keep you together." — Carly

15. "We try to spend time communicating things we enjoy about the relationship or each other so that we know how to make each other happy."

"I think 'serious relationship talks' shouldn't be reserved to problems." Shutterstock

"I think 'serious relationship talks' shouldn't be reserved to problems. We try to spend time communicating things we enjoy about the relationship or each other so that we know how to make each other happy. Mostly, I think we both take an open-minded approach. We're both dedicated to the relationship, and we're both able to surprise one another once in a while." — anonymous

For more great stories, head to INSIDER's homepage.

The simple secret to a happy relationship

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nine0000 The simple secret to a long and happy relationship: how the 2-2-2 rule works

Romantic love is perhaps one of the most beautiful feelings we can ever experience. It erases all differences and gives a feeling of boundless happiness. When a relationship is just starting, it seems that they will always be the same fabulous - filled with passion, romance and new experiences. But then we begin to live together, the notorious life appears, children, problems at work. Feelings fade, and passion weakens. Over the years, many spouses begin to move away from each other. And in the end, each of them discovers that next to them is no longer a romantic partner - a spiritually close person whom they once fell in love with, but a neighbor-cohabitant with whom they share a common living space and budget. nine0003

The question involuntarily arises: why is this happening? Is there really no magic recipe for a long and happy life together?

In 2015, one of the users of the popular Reddit platform under the nickname ckernan2 admitted that he knows such a recipe. This is the “2-2-2 rule” that helps you avoid routine and rekindle the fire of romance in a relationship. According to him, it is this that allows him to stay on the same wavelength with his soulmate for many years ( read also: "And they lived happily ever after: how to stay on the same wavelength with your husband").

What is the “2-2-2 rule”?

There is nothing complicated or revolutionary about the 2-2-2 rule. Each number represents a specific period of time that will help you get closer to your partner.

First two. Every two weeks, plan a romantic date with your loved one on neutral ground. It can be a joint trip out of town, a trip to a restaurant or a picnic in the park. An important condition: there should not be other people on your date (friends, parents or children). It is worth spending time only alone with each other, as it was before, when the relationship was just beginning. Such romantic meetings will help you feel connected with your partner again - to understand how this person lives, what worries him. In addition, most likely, you will be preparing for a date (selecting a special outfit, doing makeup and hair), which means that your lover will get a chance to see you in a new light and outside the usual home decor. nine0003

Second deuce. Every two months, plan a joint weekend - you can go to a holiday home or relax in nature with tents. Forget about household chores (they can wait a couple of days), work and smartphones. Focus only on relaxing with your partner. A change in the monotonous environment and new vivid impressions will enrich the luggage of your relationship. And maybe even inspired by interesting experiments. How long have you tried something new in bed? ( read also: "Whoever wants it: 3 modern types of orgasm that you didn't know about")

Third deuce. Go on a vacation together every two years. Again, the rule that you should be just the two of you applies here. You can go to a new country or go to a familiar hotel where you rested during the candy-bouquet period of the relationship, and with which you have many pleasant memories. It is also important that you choose a place of rest and a travel route together with your lover. This bonding factor will help make your future vacation enjoyable for both partners and strengthen your relationship. nine0003

Although the 2-2-2 rule is incredibly simple in theory, it is harder to follow in practice than it looks. Sometimes unforeseen circumstances arise that make adjustments to our plans. And it happens that we ourselves are looking for excuses to justify our unwillingness to change something in a relationship - fatigue from work, the need to save money this month, a bad mood or a second cousin's birthday.

Therefore, you still have to make some efforts to make the "rule 2-2-2" part of your life together - a ritual that will form the basis of a long and happy relationship with a partner. nine0003

Why does the 2-2-2 rule really work?

As we have already said, the "2-2-2 rule" implies the creation of functional rituals - repetitive actions that have a symbolic meaning for both partners. According to psychologists, it is these rituals that are the foundation of a strong family, which is characterized by emotional closeness and solidarity.

Learn more