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Reasons to hate life


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    Also visit the online treatment locator.

SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.

Also visit the online treatment locator, or send your zip code via text message: 435748 (HELP4U) to find help near you. Read more about the HELP4U text messaging service.

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    For additional resources, please visit the SAMHSA Store.

Last Updated: 08/30/2022

Actions to Take When You HATE Your Life

I Hate My Life

Most of us have experienced that pivotal peak of pain, anger or frustration in which we want to scream “I hate my life.” Yet, the feeling that a dark cloud has specifically settled over us and our experiences can feel pretty isolating. The truth is, no matter how singled out or overwhelmed we feel, and no matter what area we are struggling in, we are not alone.  More than half of U.S. workers are unhappy with their job.  One in 10 Americans struggles with depression. All of us have moments of utter despair. Escaping from this hopeless-seeming state may feel impossible. Yet, in reality, we are not doomed, and we are not powerless.   No matter what our circumstances, we can all learn tools to help us emerge from the darkest moments in our lives.

In his 35 years of research, Dr. Salvatore Maddi of The Hardiness Institute has discovered that what predicts how well we will do in life, our relationships, careers, and so on is NOT how much money we have or even how many struggles we face. It’s a matter of how hardy or emotionally resilient we are. We can all learn to become more resilient. We can implement tools that help shape how we see and experience the world around us. We can uncover what’s at the root of our unhappiness and create a life that has personal meaning to us, a life that reflects our unique goals and desires.

This process starts with asking ourselves a few questions, starting with:

 Whose life are you really living?

One of the reasons we have the feeling of “I hate my life” is because we aren’t really following our own path. Instead, we are, often subconsciously, carrying out someone else’s idea of how we should live.  In order to have the life we say we want, we have to separate our real point of view from negative influences from our past, from people around us or from society at large. To do this, we can engage in a process known as differentiation, which can help us to distinguish our real wants, goals and desires from undesirable outside influences. As Dr. Robert Firestone wrote in his book The Self Under Siege, “Differentiation is a universal struggle that all human beings face if they wish to fully develop themselves as individuals.”  Firestone outlines four essential steps to the process of differentiation that can help individuals live free of imagined limitations.

According to Firestone, in order for our real, authentic self to emerge, we have to identify and separate from destructive programming we received very early in our lives, primarily from our parents or other influential caretakers. “Differentiating from parental interjects and psychological defenses based on the emotional pain of childhood is a central developmental issue in every person’s life,” wrote Firestone. “To the extent that we retain the critical attitudes and destructive elements we have incorporated into our own personalities, we remain undifferentiated from our parents throughout our lifetime.”

The point of differentiation isn’t to blame parents for all our problems but rather to help explain the elements that lay the foundation for the self-limiting or self-destructive behavior we engage in that leads to our unhappiness. Naturally, no parent is perfect. We are all human and full of flaws. Parents may have critical attitudes toward themselves that extend to their children. As people grow up, they tend to incorporate these attitudes and engage in a process of self-parenting. They may start to imitate their parents’ less favorable traits, take on hurtful attitudes toward themselves or retaliate against these parental influences. All of these actions are a reaction to our upbringing and don’t necessarily reflect our true unique identity and point of view.

For example, if we had a parent who couldn’t hold a job, perhaps we will find ourselves sabotaging our own success. If we had a parent who believed they were unintelligent, we may feel this way toward ourselves. As adults, we tend to be drawn toward relationships and circumstances that recreate the emotional environment from our past. Differentiation means interrupting this cycle and truly living our own life. If you feel like you hate your life, it’s beneficial to ask whose life are you really living? Are you reliving someone else’s idea of who you should be or what you should want? What truly has meaning to you?

Are you looking at your life through a negative filter?

The second question to consider when we feel like we hate our lives is “are we listening to our “critical inner voice?” As Maddi discovered in his research, it isn’t just our circumstances that determine our life satisfaction and success. In fact, it’s what we are telling ourselves about our circumstances that often makes us miserable. Our critical inner voice describes a cruel, internal enemy we all have inside us that comments on our every move and criticizes us at every turn.

This critical inner voice is there to undermine and sabotage us in every area of our lives, our careers, relationships and personal goals. When we experience a setback, this voice will tear us apart and remind us that we’ll never succeed. It’s often the sneaky internal entity responsible for fueling the flames that lead us to hate ourselves or resent our circumstances.

One of the biggest steps we can take to change our lives involves identifying and challenging this inner critic. It’s important to separate this alien coach from our true point of view. We can all learn effective methods to overcome our critical inner voice and achieve a more self-compassionate attitude toward ourselves. As we engage in this transformative and enlightening process, it’s valuable to remind ourselves that as long as we are independent and differentiated adults, we can pretty much change any part of our lives… as long as we change this negative filter.

Although our critical inner voice has built up over a long time and is based on destructive past experiences and early childhood influences, as adults, these “voices” are just thoughts. No matter how anxious it makes us, we can counteract this inner critic and grow stronger in the process. For example, if our voice tells us we are incompetent or incapable of change, we can remind ourselves that this is just a thought driven by a deep, unconscious “anti-self” whose only mission is to sabotage us.

 

Then, we can consciously take the actions that go against the directives of this anti-self. We can go out for that job interview, knowing we can handle not getting it. We can stick to an exercise plan even when our inner critic lures us to indulge. We can stay close to our partner despite the anxious thoughts our critical inner voice shouts at us.

How resilient are you?

Resilience or “hardiness” is something we can all foster and develop within ourselves. The more we can stick through hard times without expecting the road to be easy, the better we can handle what life throws at us. Hardiness involves accepting that we have some control over our situation, and that there are always steps we can take to improve our circumstances. Obstacles can be seen as challenges from which we can grow. We can learn more about Maddi’s research and the steps to become more psychologically resilient here.

Actions to take when we think “I hate my life:”

There are many actions we can take when we feel turned against ourselves and our lives.

Practice mindfulness – Mindfulness is a practice that teaches us how to let go of thoughts that are destructive or undesirable. It has been proven to reduce stress, fight depression and lead to overall benefits in health and well-being. Mindfulness meditation can help us to acknowledge these thoughts as momentary feelings that will pass like clouds over a mountain. Learn more about mindfulness.

Conquer your critical inner voice – Voice Therapy is a method developed by Dr. Robert Firestone. The five steps of this therapeutic process allow people to identify, respond to and challenge their critical inner voice, while recognizing where this inner enemy comes from. Learn more about Voice Therapy.

Spend time with a family of choice – Oftentimes, people feel obligated to spend time with the family they were born into, but old dynamics and remnants of past hurts can cause “family time” to be times of pain or stress. It’s important to create for yourself a “family of choice.” Of course, this may include people you’re related to. What’s most important is choosing to be around people who support you and the things that light you up and make you who you are.

Realize your personal power – No matter what life throws at us, taking a victim mentality only makes us suffer more. By realizing the ways we have power over our lives, we can feel stronger and more resilient in any obstacle we face.

Seek help  – Going to therapy is an action that would benefit everyone. There is no shame in seeking help. In fact, it is an act of bravery and strength. No matter where you are in the world or what your economic status is, help is available. Samaritans.org is a great international resource to find help. If you or someone you know is in crisis in the United States, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 24/7 at 1 (800) 273-8255 or visit them online.

No matter where we’re at in our lives, it’s important to remember that we can handle loss or change. Human beings are incredibly adaptive. We may struggle at first, but we can get through the toughest of times. Things will get better. Even those who experience thoughts of suicide must know that the suicidal state is almost always transient and temporary. Help is available. You can feel better.  You can conquer whatever internal forces are telling you to give up, and you can go on to have a uniquely meaningful life.

Need help?  If you or someone you know is in crisis or in need of immediate help in the United States, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). This is a free hotline available 24 hours a day to anyone in emotional distress or suicidal crisis. Visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

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Tags: anti-self system, critical inner voice, cynicism, depression, differentiation, life, lifestyle, lifestyle change, self-critical

Why people hate life - Look At Me

TOO MUCH

LIGHT AT NIGHT

Animal tests conducted at Ohio State University (sorry PETA activists reading this) have shown that light sleep causes changes in the brain that can lead a person to depression. The good news, however, is that for those who are forced to stay up at night, having a computer and TV turned on will help to endure it with the least harm.

SUMMER

According to Oregon Health and Science University, depression can be caused not only by the traditionally sad seasons - autumn and winter, but also by summer, which is considered to be a way to cure melancholy. True, this happens five times less often than the reaction to bad weather, but still.

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END OF MOVIE OR TV SHOW

As an Ohio State University staff member found in 2011, the end of favorite series and TV shows not only doesn’t give people more free time for friends and fun, but on the contrary, makes them feel more alone and, as a result, leads to depression .

CITY

A study published in the journal Nature only confirms our longstanding fear that living in a city you don't like can make you hate not only that city and all the people living in it, but life in general. Together with other "pleasant" consequences of urban life (blindness, obesity, disgusting complexion), this factor should incline even hardened urbanists to Peisan life.

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NEED TO SELECT

Too many options to choose from every day can cause anyone to panic; and this panic, in turn, is one of the guarantees that after several trips to Auchan you will simply hate life. So your grandparents, grumbling that it was better under the Soviet regime, finally got an impressive argument in support of their opinion.

HATE FISH

A study by Finnish scientists from the University of Oulu can be blamed for the Nordic lobby: according to the results, anyone who does not like fish risks their own good mood.

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DONUTS

Although donuts and other junk foods high in sugar are considered a cure for depression in the public eye, they actually make the situation worse. According to the British Dietetic Association, the body needs to process insulin, and this is a debilitating process that leaves a person sad and tired.

SOCIAL NETWORKS

Researchers argue about how exactly social networks affect a person's attitude to their own lives. Some argue that this is a real success - especially for agoraphobes and schoolchildren who do not experience any pressure from Twitter and Facebook. Other polls show that 60% of netizens get tired of them and would not mind disconnecting from time to time - but when they find themselves outside their comfort zone, they begin to feel sadness so deep that it resembles a complete disgust for life.

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SLEEP PROBLEMS

The relationship between poor sleep and depression is complex. On the one hand, insomnia is one of the main signs of depression. On the other hand, experts from the Center for Circadian Medicine argue that insomnia itself cannot cause sadness, but lack of sleep somehow can. Be that as it may, it seems that you will have to sleep 8 hours anyway.

STEROIDS

As reported on the American Fitness Professionals and Associates website, the effect of many steroids is similar to that of antidepressants; the consequences are the same - after the drugs are stopped, both patients and athletes are able to sink into as deep sadness as possible.

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ALCOHOL, DRUGS AND CIGARETTES

The situation with alcohol, drugs and cigarettes is reminiscent of the age-old question about the chicken and the egg: whether their sudden appearance in life is a consequence or a cause of sadness, it is impossible to say for sure. However, they do not contribute to the disappearance of sadness, but only exacerbate it, so we do not recommend drinking problems.

CYNISM

As a defensive reaction, cynicism leads to a weakening of relationships with people, the breaking of social ties and loneliness - and then, as a result, to a hatred of life.

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MONEY PROBLEMS

It's a vicious circle: a constant lack of money leads to depression, depression leads to less productivity, terrible work, and even more lack of money. It was to this disappointing conclusion that scientists at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine came. We can’t tell you how to get out of this confusing situation, but just in case, ask Siri for the contacts of the nearest psychological help.

CONTRACEPTIVES

Some women who are prone to depression and take contraceptive pills for some reason become sad. To be honest, we don’t really understand what it is, so we send you to specialized forums or to Columbia University scientists.

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TEA AND COFFEE

According to Capio Nightingale experts, coffee lovers in the morning do not even suspect what tests they are preparing for their health. One small cup of coffee makes you drink another cup of coffee, followed by a donut, which is not far from cigarettes, antidepressants and long hours devoted to a psychologist.

DIET

To be honest, the testimony of scientists is not entirely clear: since donuts lead to melancholy, it would be logical to assume that their complete opposite - diets - make a person happy and cheerful. However, Mental Health Foundation researchers argue that this is not the case; apparently, only exceptional balance works. However, we think that people who are able to maintain such a harmonious lifestyle are unlikely to have any problems with it.

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PLASTIC SURGERY

Despite the fact that the efforts of a plastic surgeon usually make people more beautiful and, as a result, they like their life much more, however, according to scientists, the idyll lasts no longer than two years, and after that, people who have been operated on become depressed.

SAD PEOPLE AROUND

According to the Research Institute in New York City and the University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston, one sad spouse or neighbor can make the other sad with their preferences in music and clothes, facial expressions, and so on. Therefore, we advise you to communicate exclusively with the lucky ones - if, of course, you are still able to perceive people.

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procrastination

Many experts tend to link procrastination and depression: the first provokes the second, then the second provokes the first, and so on. If this does not convince you, then we remind you that procrastination leads to job loss, which leads to financial problems, and this is definitely the shortest path to depression.

INSULTS AND CONFLICTS

Everything seems to be clear here; insults and conflicts, for example, unusually often lead to depression in unpopular teenagers. In this regard, we remind you that even those insults that have remained in the past can cause depression for a lifetime.

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DEATH

Those feelings that people experience when they lose loved ones are natural and understandable, but, of course, increase the risk of hating life forever.

LONELY

It's pretty obvious here: no one likes to be alone, except for the most extraordinary sociopaths, but they are unlikely to read this article.

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LIFE CHANGES

Despite the popular wisdom “everything is for the best,” not everyone thinks so; for many, change is the strongest stress, which eventually makes you hate everyone and everything.

WINTER

February and November traditionally fight for the title of the most depressing month of the year, and it's understandable why: the first makes people anticipate slush, snow and cold, and the second sums up everything that has already been fed up. Therefore, it is not surprising how many people hate life more in winter

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GENES

Unfortunately, often the fact that you are sad is not your fault, nor any of the above reasons. It’s just that sad people predominate among your relatives and you are likely to share their fate. That's it.

12 Untenable Reasons to Hate Your Life

There really is no reason why you should hate your life, but many people find excuses for why they do. Below you will find a list of twelve such reasons. If you use these excuses, then you need to quickly change your way of thinking. When you do this, you will start enjoying life very soon.

1. Your parents ruined your life

Many complain that their parents did not raise them properly, set them up for failure, or did not provide them with the education they needed. If you can find the shortcomings in yourself that have resulted from all this, then you can overcome them and change your future.

Balezin Dmitry: for some time I also thought that my life was going down the drain because my parents did not inspire me with sufficient self-confidence. However, I think that there are still no ideal parents, so you yourself should correct their mistakes - in principle, this is even interesting. You can become strong, then you will realize that you are the cause of your strength.

2. You have no money

Probably the worst excuse ever. If money is the main reason for your happiness, then you will never be happy. Money should not make you love or hate life.

3. You have a crappy job

If this is true, then quit and move on. A bad job should be your motivation to start chasing your dreams and trying to get something better.

4. You don't have time

If you don't have time to do what you want, that means you're letting unimportant tasks take it away from you. Very often we think that something is very urgent and important, but in reality it is not. Recognize this redundant activity and shift your focus to what you desire to do. Get rid of everything unnecessary (everyone has a lot of it), and you will immediately have more time.

Balezin Dmitry: I couldn't help but comment on this. The reason for the lack of time, most likely, lies in the fact that due to fear of failure or other fears, you subconsciously give important tasks (dreams) a low priority. You do whatever you want, but not what is really important. Ask yourself the right questions? Finally figure out what is really more important to you?

5. You don't have anyone

People are often depressed, hating their lives because they feel lonely. Being in a group is one of the needs in Maslow's hierarchy. Everyone wants to feel that he is in demand, that he has friends. When you don't have friends, you get depressed. But feeling overwhelmed will not help you, it will scare people away from you even further.

Dmitry Balezin: A good way to get out of this state is to sign up for a course or a club. At one time, I signed up for English courses (and my loneliness was one of the reasons for this). By doing this, I killed two birds with one stone - I found friends (communication) and learned the language, both of which help me in life so far.

6. You are a failure

People say that they are failures when they have no achievements. But they always forget to remember their previous achievements or do not recognize them. If you keep moving forward, you will never fail. Besides, you can always learn from setbacks and failures. Failure is a wonderful thing.

7. Your life is going aimlessly

If you haven't accomplished anything in your life yet, then get down to business! Start now. It's never too late or too early.

8. You are bored

If you are bored with your work and your life, then your life lacks tasks that would challenge you. You are used to mediocrity. Start dreaming. Write down your dreams and goals and how you can achieve them. Your life will immediately become exciting.

9. You're stuck in one place

Many people hate their lives because they feel like they're not getting anywhere fast enough. Whether it's due to debt, bills, or a bad job, you can start planning your escape right now. Create a plan with hundreds of small steps. Take at least one step every day. Once you complete this task, you will no longer stagnate, and you will make your escape before you yourself realize it.

10. You let others pester you

Perhaps you hate your life because you listen too much to others. Do not listen to those who constantly say “no”, “it will not work” - those who perceive life negatively. Don't let others make you hate your life. In most cases, the people who make you feel this way hate their own lives.

11. You stopped yourself…

Many people hate their lives because they gave up on their dreams. YOU are the most important factor in YOUR joy and happiness.

12. You are quite a pessimist

If you hate your life, then you are too pessimistic about it. Change your attitude towards her, and you will feel joy and pleasure.

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